All language subtitles for poppas.house.s01e15.2160p.web.h265-successfulcrab_track3_[eng]

Daddy!
You should've came with me

to the flea market, man.

I told you, flea markets
are a big racket.

You pay people to haul away
they junk,

and then you got to wait
for another flea market

to sell it back
to some other sucker.

Well, call me a brother
from another sucker,

'cause I went to town
on this flea market, baby.

See, I'm gonna sell
these treasures

that I got for
next to nothing

and use that money
to make my film.

I like the hustle.

Mm.
Now let me see the treasures.

All right.
Sit down.

I am sitting.
Yeah. Deeper.

Drive that ass into the ground.

Yeah, bring it.
Come on, bring it.

All right, check
this out. Bam.

Classic J's.

- Oh, wow. You mean classic G's?
- What?

Who the hell is Miguel Gordon?

Huh.

I didn't even notice that.

All right, forget those.

What else
we got here?

Oh.

Look at the mouth on that trout.

Wow.

And you wonder
why somebody

would want to get
rid of this thing.

Oh. I said the same thing.

Remind me of your mama.

I could get at
least $50 for that.

Which is a five-dollar
profit for me.

How you gonna make a movie
$5 at a time?

Slowly.

Hey, hey, hey. Whoa, whoa, whoa.

What? What? What?
What'd I do?

This is Billie Holiday.

Do you know who this is?

Do I know who
Billie Holiday is?

This guy, right?

The question is, do you know
who Billie Holiday is?

Yeah. Yeah.

I do. This is special.
You should give it to your dad.

I'm sorry,
- did you say "give"?
- Yeah.

I think
I heard you say "give."

I said give.
Yoink.

Sorry, buddy,
not giving that to anybody.

However,
you can buy it from me.

Okay, I'll buy it
from you.
Whoa, whoa, whoa,
whoa, whoa. Mm-hmm.

Let me put on
my "Bitness Man" hat first.

Which I also got
at the flea market.

Oh.

All right.

Ooh.

Now, let us enter
into this here negotiation.

Okay, Yosemite Sam,
how much did you pay for it?

Well, Baldy Bean, it's not about
how much I paid for it.

It's about how much you are
willing to pay for it.

You see,
I'm a bitness man, m'kay?

I got to make
a profit, cueball.

You know
what I'm saying?

I got to earn what they call
sweat equity.

That's bitness talk.

You don't know
nothing about that.

Okay, I'll tell you what,
Little Nas X...

Yeah.

I'll give you $20

to get you back
to that old town road.

Now hold on, Raisinette.

You're gonna give me 20,

it's got to be worth
at least 40.

Okay, Juan Valdez,
I'll give you 40.

If you gonna give me 40,

it's got to be worth
at least 80.

I say, I say, you drive
a hard bargain there,

Mr. Foghorn Leghorn.

I'm willing to give you
$100 for it, partner.

- $100?
- Mm-hmm.

$100.

Sold to the sucker
in the cardigan.

Huh! My, oh, my.

Today is a good...

...day.

I just made 10 X on my money
right now.

That's 'cause you're
a good "bitness man."

Why, thank you,
Planters peanut.

Thank you very much.

Now...

...gentleman's shake on it.

I'm not gonna shake
your spitty hand, boy.

Bird flu. Go on.

All right,
but a deal's a deal, okay?

All sales are final.
No buyer's remorse, okay?

Because there's a new shark
in this shark tank,

and his name is...

...Dark Cuban.

♪ Poppa's

♪ House

♪ Yeah.

Hey, how's work going?

Actually, I just finished
writing my new book last night.

What? Congratulations.

I cannot wait to read it.

Great!

Oh.

'Cause I could really use
another set of eyes on it

before I turn it in
to my publisher.

Me? Are you sure?

Yes, you.

And I want the
dirty truth.

Unadulterated.
Raw. Uncut.

Are you sure
this is a good idea?

I-I might be too close to you
to give feedback.

Yes, Nina, that's why
you're the best person.

Because you know me,
and you know my voice.

Yeah, but that does not mean
I know a good book.

Just last night,
Maya called my bedtime story

"predictable
and uninspired,

like a Lifetime movie."

Please? I could really
use your input

before I turn it in to
my publisher on Friday.

Please, please,
please, please--

All right, fine,
you know I got you, girl.

I will start as soon
as I put the kids to bed.

Thank you.
I love you.

And listen, don't feel
like you need to say

it's the greatest thing
you've ever read

just because we're
bestest friends,

slash sisters,
slash exact kidney match.

Oh, here, let me
help with the salad.

You can help by finish
reading my manuscript.

And, um, you know what?

You can feel free to "lol"

if there's something
you agree with.

Oh! Or, um, say,
"Ain't it the truth, Ruth?"

Or give a sister,
"Won't he do it?"

Or give a sister "back off and
stop breathing down my neck."

Ain't that the truth, Ruth?

Gonna do it.

Hello, everyone. I brought...

chocolate cupcakes.

Why'd you whisper that?

Because you have the diabetes,

and I didn't want
to hurt your feelings.

It's chocolate on it.
You can't have chocolate.

Speaking of hurting feelings,

does everyone know
that I got one over

on the Wallet Wizard over here?

We know.

You tweeted it three times.

Mm-hmm.
Oh, boy.

Yep, yep, yep.
Yep, yep, yep, yep.

Yeah, I was able to get
the person who prides himself

on being the smartest man
in the room

to buy a worthless old album.

You got to show it
to 'em, Dad.

You guys got to see it.

It's so worthless
and stupid.

I can't believe
he got it.

What a sucker, man.

Yeah, you sure
pulled the wool

over your dad's eyes
on that one.
I did.

Hey, any chance you want
to buy it back from me?

No, no.
Hmm-mm.

That old thing? I think not.

A deal's a deal, buddy.

Cold-blooded.

Mm-hmm.
Ain't that
the truth, Ruth?

What can I say?

I'm a natural-born
"negrotiator."

I'm a bitness man, baby.
Ain't that right?

- Shut up, Junior.
- Okay.

You know something,
Mr. Bitness Man?
Hmm?

I was so upset with myself,

I was downright
frustrated.
Mm.

To the point where I almost
threw that album in the trash.

Oh, well, why didn't you?

Well, I heard a voice.
Oh.

I call it
my "inner Poppa."
Oh.

And then he said, he said--

"Hey, Pop, why don't you
go have that looked at

by a professional,
that there record wheel?"

Record wheel?
How old is inner Poppa?

Old enough to hear

that knuckle through the wood.

That must be the professional,
right here.

Howdy do.
Good evening, Mr. Fulton.

So, what's the verdict

on this here worthless
Billie Holiday album?

Well, Mr. Fulton, you were right

about the signature
on the inner sleeve.

Sig-- Signature?

Mm-hmm.

Indeed. We were able
to authenticate,

in fact, that it is
Billie Holiday's.

You hear that? Billie Holiday
signed this record.

That makes
this album

worth at least $20,000.

$20,000?!

Oh, my God!

I'm rich! I'm rich!

I don't need you
anymore. I'm rich!

No. I'm rich.

I'm rich!

There she is.

Nina, my literary queen-a.

Oh, my gosh, flowers?
For me?!

Ah, that's so unnecessary.

And, quite frankly,
more of a theater thing.

Ah, but thank you.

So, did you finish
reading my book?

I did, and my
gut reaction--
Oh, wait.

Hold on,
I-I want to sit down.

Good idea.
Mmm.

Okay.

So, do tell.
How great is it?

On a scale
of excellent to amazing,

where does it land?

Ivy, this really hurts me
to say,

but I don't think
it's very good.

Oh, my God.

It almost sounded like you said

you didn't think
it was very good.

Look, look, you know
I am a fan of your work.

I have read all nine
of your books,

but this one just
feels like a retread.

Oh, my God!

Oh, my God, it almost
sounded like you said,

"This one feels like a retread."

Ivy, come on.

You said you wanted
my honest feedback,

raw and uncut.

I said uncut, not cutthroat.

So, here's what
I'm gonna do, Nina,

because... I like you, right?

I'm gonna walk out,

I'm gonna come back in

and give you another shot
at this, okay?

Whew.
♪ Do-do-do-do-do.

There she is.

Nina, my literary queen-a.

Ah. So, did you read my book?

This is so uncomfortable.

I do not know anything
about giving real feedback.

Did you just want me
to tell you the good stuff?

Yes, like all my other friends.

Okay, you
know what?

I'm-a give you one more shot.

Except this time,
I'm coming through the window.

Ivy. Ivy!

Ivy.

Stop, just--

Just pretend
I didn't say anything.

Let's just go to lunch.

Well, why would I want
to have lunch with someone

who apparently has no taste?

Uh--

Except these.
These are nice.

Dad, I can't believe you're not
gonna split the money with me.

That's crazy.
I did all the hard work.

I need that money
for my film.

What happened to
"no buyer's remorse"?

Huh? The
gentleman's handshake?

Huh?

You didn't shake my hand
'cause I spit in it.

Right.

Yeah. And that was before I knew
how much the album was worth.

Well, you should've
did your homework

before you sold it to me.

Look like there's a new...

shark in these shark tank, son.

And his name is Dark Zuckerberg.

Dad. I'm not going

to let you take advantage of me.

Don't be mad, son.
It's "bitness."

Oh, all right,
uh, fine.

Well, if it's "bitness," then
I want to buy my record back.

I'll pay you $200.

$200?
Yes.

Well, let me put
my bitness hat back on

and study this here bitness
proposal that you proposin'.

Okay, so you said
200, right?

200.
Well, I'll take
the two

and I multiply that by five,
and divide that by...

- Well, I'll be damned.
- What?

He said no.

But don't
you worry now,

I'm gonna take the hat off

and see what the guy
- without the hat say.
- Okay.

Strange. He said no, too.

Damn it!

Okay, look, son, it's bitness.

Stop saying "bitness."

Okay, okay, if you don't
like me saying "bitness,"

I won't say
"bitness" no more

because "bitness" seems
to get under your skin.

I'll just mind my own, uh...

No.

...bitness.

You bought this from me knowing
the album was worth more,

and I'm not gonna stand for it.

Well, what you
gonna do, huh?

You gonna sue me?

You are about to enter
the courtroom of Judge...

Say wha?

The people are real,

the cases are real
and the judge is...

...keeping it real.

Junior, the plaintiff,

is accusing his father,
the defendant,

of being a weenie,

for not splitting the profits
of a rare album.

And that his father is jealous
of his full head of hair,

because he went bald
at the tender age of 12.

Order.
Case number 01333.

All rise for
the honorable Judge...

Say wha?

Be seated.

Good day,
Your Honor.

Mmm.

Looks like it could be.

I appreciate a man who knows
how to dress for the occasion.

Why, thank you. And may I say,

a black robe has never
looked more alluring.

I object. Prejudicial.

Say wha?

You're accusing me, the judge,
of being prejudicial?

Sure you want
to come at me like that?

Don't make me
come dance over there.

Retracted.

Okay, so, uh,
let me get this straight.

For $100, you sold your father
an album you bought

from a flea market for $10.

In the words of Judge Mathis,

sounds like a crackhead move
to me.

When your father

discovered that the album
was worth $20,000,

you wanted him to split
the money with you, correct?

Uh, yes, correct.
I did all the--

Did I ask you all that?

One word, correct or incorrect?

Correct. I was just saying--

I will tell you
when you can speak.

Okay. Go on.

I said go.

Okay, okay, okay.
So, here's what happened.

I took the energy and the time

to drive down
to the flea market.

After I got there,
I paid for the parking--

Look, boy, this show
is only 30 minutes long.

I don't care if you had
to journey all the way down

to the Amazon River for it.

The question is,

did you sell said album to
your fine-ass father for $100?

Yes, but it's not binding.

How so?

Because we never
signed a contract.

I wrote it up,
he didn't want to sign it.

I tried to do
the gentleman's handshake.

He didn't want
to do that, either.

Your Honor, he spit in his hand,

and then wanted me
to shake that.

Just as nasty as you are rude.

It was entrapment.

Ha. Entrapment?

How can it
be entrapment?

You were the seller,
he was the buyer.

Sounds like he was
a good bitness man to me.

Say wha?

Enough from the plaintiff.

Now let's hear
from Mr. Fulton.

What say you?

Well, Your Honor,
I first want to say

what an honor it is
to be in your presence.

- Objection. He is clearly--
- Overruled.

You had your turn to speak,
Father-Suer.

Go on, baby.

Your Honor, when...

my son came home
from the flea market

with this Billie Holiday--

Billie Holiday!
Get that.

Get that.

I love me some Billie.

Lady Day.

Great taste in music,
and knows how to wear a suit.

Go on.

Well, Your Honor,
when I saw it, I said,

"Hey, why don't you give that
to your dear old dad?"

The man who brought you
into the world,

who sacrificed to-to, you know,

send him to private school,

despite having diabetes.

Self-inflicted.
Hush, boy.

Disrespectful, too.

I'm guilty, Your Honor.
I love sweet things.

You put a hot cherry pie
in my face,

I'm gonna eat it up.

Mmm.

I love me a warm cookie.
You know what I'm saying?

Oh.

It's getting hot in here.

What is happening?

Proceed.

Well, you know what he said
to me, Your Beautifulness?

What?

"No, I won't give it to you,
I'll sell it to you."

Say wha?

And you know what
he said, Your Honor?

Hmm?
And I quote,

"A deal is a deal,

all sales final," end quote.

Mm, mm, mm.

Anyway, Your Honor, ever since
my divorce, I've been trying--

So you're single?

And vulnerable.

I've made my judgment.

Young man, you thought you was
gonna get over on your daddy

like a fat rat.

But instead, you got
your gibski chumped.

Say wha...?

But you were right
about one thing, though.

A deal is a deal.

I rule in favor
of the dapper defendant.

Case dismissed.

Say wha?

Now you go.

De-fine-dant.
Yes, Your Honor?

Please approach
the bench, slowly.

Oh, my goodness...

Here's my card.

Oops.

I'll get it.

Say butt?
Say butt?

Ah!

Uh, you were
the clear winner today.

How does it feel?

Well, I feel like
justice prevailed,

and, um, I hope my son
learned a valuable lesson.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah,
a $20,000 lesson.

Let me tell you something.

My sweat equity

found that album
in the first place.

This is ,
all right?

And this
sniper over here

came and me over.

I don't like this!

This is horse,
all right?

this in the--
Okay. You're done.

Can we talk?

I don't know, Tevin Campbell,
can we?

Because that friendship
you said wasn't going anywhere

seems to have gone somewhere.

I just wanted to share
my publisher's feedback.

Ivy, she obviously knows
more than me.

Just take her notes--She said

it feels like a retread.

How'd you take it?

I laughed,
walked out of her office,

came back in,
gave her another chance,

climbed out the window,
came back in.

So you took it the same?

I should've listened
to you from the get-go.

It's just... Nina, this is
my tenth book in five years.

I feel like I don't
have anything new to say.

Well, I know
there's something big

in that brain of yours,

and I know it's getting ready
to pop soon.

That sounds like an aneurysm.

But thank you.

It's okay.

Well...

bidding for the album
is up to $23,000 now.

So when are you gonna
sell it, man?

Or are you just
gonna keep torturing me?

Why are you so concerned
with what I do with my album?

Because I don't have any money!

Don't you get it, Dad?
Are you dumb?

I'm poor!

Do you even know
who Billie Holiday was?

Yeah. He was awesome.

He owns old hotels, he sings
all those Christmas songs.

No, she is a female icon.

Sit down.

Let me tell you
a little about Lady Day.

♪ There ain't nothing I can do

♪ Or nothing I can say...

She was a brilliant
jazz singer-songwriter

whose music
just about influenced

every artist
that came after her.

Do you hear
this voice?

It's haunting.
It gives me goosebumps.

I have to admit,
she is giving me the feels.

♪ And don't care...

So how much you selling it for?

Nothing!

Some things
are priceless.

That's why that's going
into my special collection.

And you know who gets that
collection when I'm gone?

Trey.

But I do have
something for you, son.

Bam.

♪ Ain't nobody's business...

Wait, what?

$10,000?

Dad, you didn't
have to do that.

All right.
No, no, no, no.

Look, I believe in you.
I like your hustle.

And I'm investing
in your film.

Thanks, Dad.

I feel awful.

Say that again?

I said I feel awful.

Oh, that sounds so good.

Marker.
And vulnerable.

Is your name Almond?

'Cause I got "Joy."

Boy, stop.

You know he got sugar diabetes.

I'm sorry.

I like chocolate, not the nuts.