Original subtitles

It's funny...

before yesterday, I'd never set foot on this station, but...

it's as familiar to me as the back of my hand.

Isn't that odd?

You have no idea who I am, do you?

I didn't think so.

Thanks for listening, anyway.

( sighs )

I was killed here.

I mean, Jadzia was.

I try not to think about that.

If I did, I'm not sure that I could come back here.

It's a strange sensation--

dying.

No matter how many times it happens to you

you never get used to it.

It must be a little disconcerting for you

knowing that I have Jadzia's memories.

No wonder you're uncomfortable.

It's a lot to get used to.

Tell me about it.

Well...

I'll let you get to your prayers.

Bloodwine.

That's the good stuff.

The same vintage I served when you and Worf got married.

It smells awful.

Ah...

it used to be your favorite.

I used to be right-handed, too.

A lot of things have changed

since I was joined.

I can imagine.

Seven lifetimes worth of memories

would mix up anyone.

Or is it eight?

Who knows anymore?

It will be a lot easier

once you get settled in.

Have you picked out your quarters yet?

I'm not staying.

I'm going back to the Destiny to be an Assistant Counselor.

You're a therapist?

Why does everyone sound so surprised

when they hear that?

Oh, it's just, uh...

you're so young.

Why are you in such a hurry to leave?

Why not stay for awhile

and get to know your old friends again?

I don't want to force things.

People need time to get over losing Jadzia.

Mm-hmm.

You know something, Quark?

Besides Benjamin

you're the only one of Jadzia's friends

who doesn't seem uncomfortable around me.

She and I were close.

I don't see any reason why we shouldn't be close, too.

Remember all those late night tongo games?

Who could forget?

Hmm.

Wait a minute.

You owe me ten strips of latinum from our last game.

I don't think so.

Yes. I won with a full consortium. I remember.

Your memory's playing tricks on you.

Don't say that, Quark.

I'm confused enough

as it is.

Look who's here.

I bet the two of you have a lot to talk about.

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( door chimes )

Come in.

( door chimes )

( door chimes )

Dax.

Are you alone?

Why are you sneaking in this way?

I didn't want to go through Ops

in case Worf was there.

We bumped into each other last night at Quark's.

It didn't go well, I take it.

You weren't expecting him

to accept you right away, were you?

Of course not, but he wouldn't even talk to me.

Well, perhaps he was just trying to honor your customs.

He knows that the joined Trill

aren't supposed to get involved

with people who were married to their previous hosts.

But that doesn't mean that we can't talk to each other.

Worf knows that.

Are you sure?

I told him all about Trill traditions--

Jadzia did.

We discussed them--

they discussed them.

I understand.

These pronouns are going to drive me crazy.

Look at him, Benjamin.

He's in pain.

How can you tell?

I was his wife.

I can tell.

I don't want to put him through

any more heartache

than he's already going through.

It's a good thing I'm going back to the Destiny.

You're still planning on leaving?

I can't stay here.

I couldn't do that to him.

Besides, I think it might be easier for me on the Destiny.

There are too many memories here.

I'm going to miss you, old man.

I'm going to miss you, too, Benjamin.

If you feel that strongly, Miles, it's all right.

You can be Crockett.

I'll be Travis.

And, and who am I going to be again?

General Santa Anna.

Santa Anna.

When can our costumes be ready?

Garak?

Hmm?

Our holosuite costumes? When can they be ready?

Oh, I'm afraid you're going to have to find them

from somewhere else.

The shop's closed.

Still?

Well, Starfleet Intelligence

is keeping me quite busy these days.

Well, what if we let you be Crockett?

Hey!

GARAK: Even if I was interested

I don't have the time.

Do you have any idea how long it takes to decode

a Cardassian military transmission?

I mean, I invented

some of the basic encryption protocols

when I was with Obsidian Order

but it still takes me several days

to decipher the simplest sentence.

You've got to take a break sometime.

Well, I intend to...

just as soon as the Dominion is driven off Cardassia.

Must you stand so close?!

That was a bit harsh.

Well, I don't like people looming over me.

I have to get back to work.

Thank you for your company, gentlemen.

( heartbeat thudding )

( clearing throat )

( sighs )

( heartbeat intensifies )

( no audio )

( heartbeat continues )

( no audio )

( amplified heartbeat )

( distorted echoing breathing )

( no audio )

( groaning )

( no audio )

( breathes deeply )

( no audio )

I can't... breathe.

( groans )

Garak!

Odo to the Infirmary.

We have a medical emergency.

Garak?

He had a claustrophobic attack in his shop.

His shop?

I don't understand.

That's a good-sized space.

I know. I've been claustrophobic

for as long as I can remember

but lately, it seems to have gotten worse.

Rooms that I once found completely tolerable

now suddenly feel alarmingly... cramped.

Well, I wish I had an explanation,

but I don't.

He checks out fine.

Well, I don't feel fine.

Would you gentlemen mind terribly

if we continued this conversation on the Promenade?

( sighs )

Better?

A little.

Mr. Garak, as much as I appreciate your situation

I'm not sure why you asked to see me.

I was hoping you'd be kind enough

to express my regrets to Starfleet Intelligence.

When I get this way

my concentration isn't what it should be.

I'm afraid I won't be decoding

any transmissions for awhile.

Can I tell them

when to expect you back on the job?

I wish I could say.

Believe me, I'm not happy about this, either.

I want to see an end to this war

just as much as you.

And, now, if you'll excuse me

I'm going to hem some pants.

For some reason, sewing seems to calm me down.

Sewing?

We can't afford to lose Mr. Garak right now.

Is there anything you can do for him?

Well, to be blunt

our friend Garak needs his head examined.

Me?

You want me to work with Garak?

SISKO: You're a counselor, aren't you?

Assistant counselor.

I'm still in training.

Oh, come on, Dax

what are you going to learn in the next few months

that you haven't already learned

in the last 300 years?

Oh, how to keep

from breaking into tears for no reason

how to resist the urge to stand on my head...

things like that.

Why are you standing on your head

by the way?

Emony used to do it.

The gymnast.

She found it relaxing.

Do you?

Actually, it's giving me a headache.

( sighs )

Why can't Julian work with Garak?

Oh, Julian's a good doctor, but he's no counselor--

not even an assistant counselor--

and besides, he doesn't have

eight lifetimes' worth of experience under his belt.

I bet he doesn't stand on his head for no reason, either.

That's a good point.

Oh, come on, old man, you can do this.

All right.

I'll try.

I just wish I had as much confidence in me as you do.

QUARK: So, what do you think?

About what?

About her.

About who?

Dax.

Oh, Ezri.

She seems... nice.

Meaning what?

Meaning... nice.

Oh, come on, Doctor.

I know the way you felt about Jadzia.

But she's not Jadzia.

She's the next best thing.

So... are you interested?

Sounds to me like you're the one

who's interested, Quark.

It's not every day

you get a second chance with a woman.

It's not the same woman.

She's still Dax, isn't she?

More or less.

Well, that's good enough for me.

Ready for a little competition?

You're insane.

And you...

( whispering ): are going to lose.

EZRI: Am I interrupting?

Ah...

You must be Ezri Dax.

The Captain told me that you'd be dropping by

to counsel me.

Is that all right?

Well, it all depends on what it involves.

I'm a very private person, you know.

I understand.

So, is it helping?

The sewing...

is it making you feel better?

Thankfully... yes.

You're lucky.

Nothing helps me.

Are you claustrophobic, too?

Why would you say that?

You just said...

No. I get spacesick...

ever since I was joined.

I'm very sensitive to motion.

I can even feel the station spinning.

Really?

It's because of what happened to Torias.

He was killed in a shuttle accident.

But why would that make you spacesick?

Because I blame myself for what happened.

You were piloting.

Yes.

No.

Depends on

how you look at it.

Torias was my fifth host.

Didn't I say that?

Uh, no.

Well, he was

and I think the reason

that his death has stayed with me for so long is because

I just can't seem to forgive him for getting himself killed.

But you said it was an accident.

So, if he's not to blame

then you're not to blame, either.

I know

but somehow I can't help but punish myself for it.

By getting... spacesick.

Exactly.

Don't take this the wrong way

but it sounds to me as if you're the one

who needs to see a counselor.

You're probably right...

but I didn't come here to talk about myself.

I came to talk about you.

So you did.

Do you remember anything traumatic

happening to you when you were young...

something involving being trapped in a confined space?

If I had been that careless

my father would have left me there

to teach me a lesson.

Sounds like he was strict.

He didn't get to be head of the Obsidian Order

without a sense of discipline.

Did he discipline you?

He punished me when I misbehaved.

What father wouldn't?

Tobin.

Who?

My second host.

He could not bring himself to discipline his children

no matter what they did...

but... that's another story.

How did you say that your father punished you?

He'd lock me in a closet.

Why didn't you mention that

when I asked if you'd ever been trapped in a confined space?

I wasn't trapped.

I knew he'd let me out as soon as I learned my lesson.

Learned your lesson?

Did you think you deserved to be locked in that closet?

I could be very stubborn.

You blame yourself...

just like I blame myself

for that shuttle accident.

Maybe you get claustrophobic

for the same reason that I get spacesick.

We're both punishing ourselves

for things that weren't our fault.

That's it!

Don't you see?

We both have to let go of all this misplaced guilt.

And if we do, our problems will simply disappear?

Well, not overnight, but it's a step in the right direction.

Well, I'll certainly give your advice some thought.

Me, too.

( slowly exhaling )

Are you all right?

To tell the truth

I'm starting to feel a little claustrophobic.

Probably because we've been talking about it.

Actually, I'm starting

to feel a little spacesick myself.

If it's all the same to you

I think I'll go back to my sewing.

Good idea.

Thank you for stopping by.

My pleasure.

( groans softly )

Ooh...

Hello, Worf.

Ensign.

"Ensign"?

That's all you have to say to me?

What more is there to say?

I was your wife.

You are not Jadzia.

Jadzia died and went to Sto-Vo-Kor.

I do not know you...

nor do I wish to know you.

( door chimes )

Come in.

Dax?

Do you think the Chief could adjust the inertial dampers

so that the station would spin a little slower?

I don't know. Why?

( sighing ): Never mind.

To what do I owe the pleasure?

I'm not going to say "I told you so"

but Garak stopped by Odo's office this morning

to pick up the latest Cardassian transmissions

for decoding.

Really?

It looks like Garak's

claustrophobia is under control.

Huh. I guess our talk helped him.

I told you so.

I thought you weren't going to say that.

I couldn't resist.

Are you all right?

I talked with Worf.

He doesn't want to have anything to do with me.

Perhaps I should have a talk with him.

Absolutely not.

You intimidate him.

Me?

Don't tell him I told you.

( laughing ): I intimidate Worf, huh?

You like that, don't you?

Of course not.

Come on.

I've been a man, I know.

Look, we're not talking about me and Worf

we're talking about you and Worf.

Now, I sympathize with what he's going through

but as far as I'm concerned

you have as much right to be here as he does.

What are you getting at, Benjamin?

The war...

has certainly not been very good for morale around here.

I've been thinking...

the station could use a good counselor.

I can't think of anyone better suited for the job.

Thanks for saying that, but even if Worf wasn't an issue

I'm still just an assistant counselor.

I took the liberty of talking

to Starfleet Medical

and they're willing to waive the rest of your training

and give you a commission as a full counselor

with the rank of Lieutenant.

How'd you talk them into that?

I asked them what they thought you might learn in the next

few months--

That I haven't already learned in the last 300 years.

I hope you do, too.

( sighing )

It means a lot to me that you want me to stay, but I can't.

Because of Worf?

Hmm... mostly.

Well... you just say the word

and I will intimidate him for you.

( laughing )

I'danian spice pudding.

No, cancel that.

I'll have a...

kilm steak, rare.

No. Tobin was a vegetarian.

( sighing )

Give me...

Two Fanalian toddies...

hot.

How'd you know?

Lucky guess.

Care to join me?

Sure.

So, um...

here we are.

What was that?

What was what?

That look.

This might be

the last thing you want to hear, but, uh...

you have Jadzia's eyes.

I'm sorry. I, um...

I shouldn't have said anything.

Don't flirt with me, Julian. Please?

I'm not.

I remember how you used to flirt with Jadzia.

I... it was just an observation.

Good, because I'm not like her.

She knew how to handle it.

Actually, she quite enjoyed it.

Really?

You didn't know?

Well, I-I... I always suspected.

You can be very charming.

You want to know something?

If Worf hadn't come along, it would've been you.

You really miss her, don't you?

Yes.

I, uh... I suppose I always will

but, uh, somehow, talking to you... seems to help.

Deputy Talpet to Dr. Bashir.

Go ahead.

We have a medical emergency in Airlock 7.

It's Garak, sir.

I'm on my way.

He's down there, Doctor.

Garak!

What is he doing in there?

( grunting )

Garak, open the door!

( whispering ): Let me out.

Let me out.

( birds calling )

EZRI: Breathe in...

and out.

In...

and out.

Better?

Hmm... it's beautiful, isn't it?

Look at that sky.

It just goes on and on.

But it doesn't.

It's an illusion.

There's a holosuite wall not ten meters in front of us.

But you can't see it.

I can feel it.

We could call up another program.

I can't believe the way I humiliated myself back there.

I just... wanted to get out.

I couldn't breathe.

Well, if you were looking for fresh air

you sure were knocking on the wrong door.

I have to get this situation under control.

If I can't, I'll be forced to leave the station

and then where will I go?

I can't go back to Cardassia.

I doubt if I'd be welcome on... Bajor.

You're not going to have to leave the station.

I'll talk to Quark and tell him to leave

this holosuite available to you 26 hours a day.

So the next time you feel like jumping

out the nearest airlock-- come here instead.

It's going to be all right.

We're going to get this under control.

I promise.

If you don't mind, I'd like to sit here

and be alone for a while.

I'll come and check in on you later.

( shrieking )

Hold still.

( yells )

I think I've got something.

I knew it.

Never get a tympanic tickle from an amateur.

A tympanic tickle?

Yeah. It's--

Never mind. Uh, I don't want to know.

Hold still.

I'm going to get you some antibiotics.

( sighing )

We need to talk.

About what?

( grunting )

Do not toy with me, Doctor.

I know how you felt about Jadzia.

That was a long time ago.

I saw you with her.

Jadzia?

You know who I'm talking about.

No, you've got it all wrong.

Stay away from her.

Now, wait just a minute.

You...

you have no right to tell me who I can be friends with.

If you dishonor Jadzia's memory...

you will regret it.

And that goes for you, too, Ferengi.

What did I do?

( clattering and thumping )

Garak?

( grunting )

I thought you were going to stay

in the holosuite for a while.

I got tired of staring at a fake landscape

pretending I was outside.

No, no, no. Work is the answer.

My father always used to say

that people should throw themselves into their work.

"Do your chores, Elim.

I told you to do your chores."

And if you didn't, what would he do to you?

Oh, no, no, no. Please, don't start.

Spare me your insipid psychobabble.

I'm not some quivering neurotic

You couldn't begin to understand me.

I'd like to try.

Oh, I'm sure you would.

You'd like nothing more

than to pry into my personal affairs.

Well, I'm not interested in dissecting my childhood.

I only want to save my people from the Dominion.

I don't need someone to walk in here and hold my hand.

I want someone to help me get back to work.

And you, my dear, are not up to this task.

I mean, look at you.

You're pathetic--

a confused child trying to live up to a legacy

left by her predecessors.

You're not worthy of the name "Dax."

I knew Jadzia.

She was vital, alive.

She owned herself, and you...

you don't even know who you are.

How dare you presume to help me?

You can't even help yourself.

Now, get out of here...

before I say something unkind.

( sobbing )

What's this all about?

What does it look like?

I'm resigning from Starfleet.

Why?

Because I can't do my job.

Garak was right.

How can I help other people when I can't even help myself?

I know this has been a hard time for you old man--

Don't call me that!

I'm not the old man.

I'm not Curzon or Jadzia.

No, you're Ezri, Ezri Dax

and you've been given eight lifetimes worth of experience.

Now, I know this is confusing

for you right now, but in time

you'll see it's a wonderful gift.

It's a gift I don't deserve.

If that's the way you feel, then go back to Trill

talk to the Symbiosis Commission.

Maybe you can convince them to take the symbiont out of you.

I wish they could, but removing the symbiont would kill me.

You know that.

Well, if you're leaving Starfleet

you'll have to find something to do.

Let's see...

maybe you could become one of the people

who take care of the symbiont pools.

It's quiet in those caves

no one around

no one expecting great things of you.

You could spend the rest of your life underground

in the dark, stirring mud.

80 or 90 years of that just might

be what you need.

And as for Dax...

that symbiont had eight amazing lives.

So what if the ninth was a waste?

Stop it, Benjamin.

I thought you

of all people would understand.

I do understand, and you were right.

You don't deserve the Dax symbiont.

Quite frankly, you don't deserve to wear

that uniform.

I'll pass this on to Starfleet Command. Dismissed.

( heavy sigh )

( door chimes )

Enter.

Oh, no, not again.

Compliments of Dr. Bashir.

He sent you.

No, that was my idea.

Now, if you want to skip the drinking

and get right down to the talking, I'm game.

What is it you wish to discuss?

Julian swears there's nothing going on between him and Ezri.

There's no reason for you to be jealous.

This has nothing to do with jealousy.

I know that Dr. Bashir cared for Jadzia

but this woman is not Jadzia

and treating her as if she were

dishonors her memory.

Wrong.

Treating Ezri

like a stranger dishonors Jadzia's memory.

It doesn't make any sense.

She is not Jadzia, yet she is.

How can I honor the memory of the woman I loved

when she is not really dead?

I don't have an answer for you, Worf.

But let me ask you this:

How do you think Jadzia would want you to treat Ezri?

There's no way to know.

Yes, there is, and the person who can tell you

is the person you've been avoiding

ever since she got here.

Well, I didn't think you'd darken my doorstep again.

I just wanted to say I'm sorry.

I wish I'd been able to help you.

So do I.

Well, you don't have to worry about me bothering you anymore.

I'll be leaving in the morning.

Yes. I had heard

that the Destiny was going to arrive tomorrow.

They're putting in

for supplies before they head to the front

but I won't be going with them.

I've decided to go back to Trill.

How nice for you.

Actually, the Destiny's

going to be joining the Seventh Fleet at Kalandra.

Kalandra?

Those transmissions you decoded last week

must have convinced Starfleet

that it's a good place to launch a new offensive.

Yes, the transmissions did indicate

that it was somewhat vulnerable.

If the offensive goes well

Starfleet will have you to thank for it.

Well, that's most gratifying.

I just thought you should know.

Are you all right?

Yes, of course, I'm all right.

That's very good news about Kalandra.

Let's hope it goes well.

The Cardassians will put up a strong fight.

Oh, indeed they will, but in the end, they'll lose.

How can you be so sure?

Because they won't be expecting an attack.

Because they have no idea that I broke their code.

All those Cardassians are going to die because of me.

I suppose that's one way of looking at it.

What other way is there?

That by helping to end the war, you'll be saving lives.

Human? Klingon? Romulan?

And Cardassian.

No, not Cardassians!

They're going to fight to the bitter end.

The Dominion will see to that.

Don't you understand?

Don't you see?

I wanted to believe

that I was helping my people, liberating them

but all I've done is to pave

the way for their annihilation.

I'm a traitor.

I've... betrayed...

everything!

( ragged gasping )

Dax to Infirmary.

I need a medical team.

How are you feeling?

Well, I'm breathing much better now.

At least we found out what's been triggering

these claustrophobic attacks you've been having.

You know, when I first agreed to help Starfleet

I was... convinced it was the right thing to do.

I didn't allow myself to doubt it

even for an instant.

I never realized how much it was gnawing at me.

I suppose I was looking for a way out

and the claustrophobia gave me an excuse

to stop fighting my people.

Now that you know that, what are you going to do?

Get back to work.

What else can I do?

The Dominion must be stopped

even if it does mean the destruction of Cardassia.

The Captain will be glad to hear that you're back on the job.

Well, he has you

to thank for it.

And so do I.

And what about you?

Are you still planning to go back to Trill?

No. I'm going to stay in Starfleet.

Well, I'm sure the Captain will be glad to hear that as well.

The Captain.

Oh...

What now?

It's my request to be reinstated into Starfleet.

I can't send this to Starfleet Command.

Why not?

Because I never submitted your resignation.

I had a feeling you didn't mean all those things you said to me.

You were just trying to rattle my cage.

You've done it to me often enough.

I'm glad it worked.

Mr. Garak has asked

for the latest Cardassian transmissions

to be sent to the Infirmary.

Well done.

Thanks.

Somehow I thought you'd be happier

that I was staying in Starfleet.

I'd be happier if you would stay here at DS9.

Me, too

but you know I can't.

I hope Captain Raymer knows how lucky she is.

She's getting one hell of a counselor.

( door chimes )

Yes.

May I come in?

Of course.

I understand that you are leaving in the morning.

That's right.

I am not certain that I have treated you

the way that Jadzia would have wanted.

You'll get no argument from me there.

I loved her with all my heart.

And she loved you.

Part of me is glad to know that she is not gone forever

but, in some ways, it would be easier if she were.

I know.

I heard that the Captain

offered you a position as Station Counselor.

I...

I would not want you to decline on my account.

Worf, I can't stay.

I couldn't do that to you.

Do you wish to stay?

Very much.

Then do.

Jadzia would not have wanted you to leave because of me.

Thank you.

It will be a long time

before I can accept what has happened.

Until then...

You need your breathing room.

I understand.

Congratulations, Lieutenant.

I want you to take a good look around.

You have just agreed to take responsibility

for the mental health of everyone in this room.

( all chuckle )

You have your work cut out for you.

Well, I'm glad they made you a Lieutenant.

It would have been hard taking advice from an Ensign.

Since when did you take advice from anyone?

Why don't you join us for dinner tonight?

I don't want to put you out.

Oh, no, please come. It'll take the pressure off me.

All he does is sit there and count how many times I chew.

I'll be there.

She is cute.

She is also about 300 years too old for you.

I took the liberty of putting a plate together for you.

Thanks, Quark.

Uh, Worf isn't here, is he?

Good question. Excuse me.

It's, uh, quite a nice turnout.

Congratulations.

Oh, I hope it isn't too crowded for you.

Oh, not at all.

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