All language subtitles for Star Trek Ds9 S06e23 DVDrip x265 AC3-MarkW.en

I am truly impressed,
and I'm not easily impressed.

In all my years as the
proprietor of Quark's Bar

Grill, Gaming House
and Holosuite Arcade

I have never seen such a glowing
employee performance report.

I mean, look at this.

In three months,
no customer has filed

a single complaint
against you.

You haven't spilled a drink,
mixed up a food order

or shortchanged a bill.

I take my job
very seriously.

And, yet, you always manage
to wear a friendly smile.

That's because
I like my work.

I'm happy to be here.

And it shows.

The customers love you.

Your fellow dabo girls
love you.

Even the Ferengi waiters
sing your praises

and you know why?

Because you're nice.

I try to be.

You're nice to
the customers.

You're nice to
the dabo girls.

You're nice to the
Ferengi waiters.

You're nice to everyone...

almost everyone.

You mean,
I've offended someone?

Look closely, Aluura.

Can't you see the
pain in my eyes?

But I'm always nice to you.

I think you
could be nicer.

How much nicer?

Oo-mox for Fun and Profit?

It's a quick read.

Oh...

you... want me to be...

nice.

Let's face it.

The customers, the dabo
girls, the Ferengi waiters--

they didn't hire you

and, uh...

they can't fire you.

You wouldn't.

Would you?

Read the book.

( door opening )

ROM:
Brother...

we need to talk.

Go away.

I'm in the middle of a meeting.

But it's important.

So is this meeting.

It's about
our mother.

How many times
have I told you

not to mention Moogie
when I'm... working?

Sorry

but I tried contacting
her this morning

and I couldn't
get through.

She's probably off
visiting the Grand Nagus.

I tried the
Tower of Commerce.

There was no answer
there either.

They're probably
on vacation.

Now, leave me alone.

I'm trying to concentrate.

Brother, you
don't understand.

I can't get a hold of
anyone on Ferenginar--

not Cousin Gaila,
not Lek.

I tell you, something's
very wrong.

( whispering ):
All right.

We will continue this later.

In the meantime,
you have some reading to do.

Hello, Aluura.

She's so nice.

We'll see.

A Dominion invasion
of Ferenginar?

ROM:
Think of the terrible
repercussions

to the Alpha Quadrant.

WORF:
I cannot think of any.

How could the Dominion
invade Ferenginar

without first conquering
the surrounding systems

like Clarus and Irtok?

Brother, did
you hear that?

They've captured
Irtok, as well.

That's not what I said.

There are no reports
of Dominion activity

anywhere near that sector.

Why can't we get through
to Ferenginar?

Moogie, the Nagus,
Cousin Gaila...

they're all dead.

You don't know that,
Rom, but something

is definitely wrong
on Ferenginar.

We'll see
what we can find out.

DAX:
Captain

a Ferengi ship is
approaching the station

requesting permission
to dock.

It's Grand Nagus Zek...

and your mother is with him.

They're alive!

Nice work.

Quark, Rom!

It's good

to see you boys.

It's good to see you,
too, Nagus.

Come along, my dear.

(chuckles )

Moogie...

I was so worried.

You're a good son.

I was worried, too.

And you're a good liar.

Moogie, do you think
it's a good idea

to be wearing
clothes in public?

He's right.

What if one
of my Ferengi waiters sees you?

I hope they do.

Tell them, Zekkie.

No, you go right ahead,
my dear.

No, it should really
come from you.

Would someone please tell me
what's going on?

It's one of those

good news/bad news
type of things.

Give him the
good news first.

If you insist.

Three days ago, I
added a new amendment

to the Ferengi Bill
of Opportunities

giving females the
right to wear clothes.

In public?

Anywhere we want.

That can't be the good news.

If Ferengi females
can wear clothes in public

then they can leave their homes.

If they can leave their homes,
they can go to work.

If they go to work,
they can make profit.

What's the matter, Quark--

afraid of a
little competition?

Are you sure

that's the good news?

It sounds good to me.

Oh, now you see
why I like him best?

Face it, Quark--
it's good business.

For thousands of years,
Ferenginar has allowed

a valuable resource
to go to waste.

Females-- a valuable
resource?

They make up 53.5 percent
of the population

and contribute
virtually nothing

to gross planetary
income.

I say it's time they started
pulling their own weight.

Better tell me
the bad news.

It might cheer me up.

I doubt it.

The moment
fully clothed females

started appearing
on the streets of Ferenginar

financial chaos erupted
all over the planet.

That explains
the communications blackout.

ZEK:
There was so much
buying and selling

throughout the Alliance

that the entire planetary
communications grid shut down.

If there's trouble
on Ferenginar

what are you doing here?

I've been deposed.

I'm no longer Grand Nagus.

Then who is?

Who do you think?

Brunt.

Grand Nagus Brunt?

Acting Grand Nagus Brunt.

ROM:
Brother

we're in trouble now.

Brunt hates us.

MOOGIE:
Well, don't
start panicking.

The Ferengi Commerce
Authority hasn't
confirmed him yet.

And they won't

for three
more days.

Boys, together we're going
to reconquer an empire

or die in the attempt!

Captioning sponsored by
PARAMOUNT PICTURES

( sighs )

What lovely quarters
you have, Quark.

Small... but lovely.

As of this moment

I declare this site
to be the headquarters

of the sole legitimate
government of Ferenginar.

I still can't believe it.

Brunt is the new Nagus?

Acting Nagus.

For three more days.

Then it becomes official.

I'm not worried.

I have a secret weapon--
your mother.

( chuckling )

Now, here's the plan:

One, we contact
every FCA Commissioner

and invite them to the station
for a meeting.

Two, Ishka runs the meeting.

Oh, they'll love that.

Maybe not at first,
but she'll win them over

using her vast
financial knowledge

and her keen instinct
for profit.

She'll prove once and for all
that allowing

females to wear clothing

is the first step
toward a healthier

and more prosperous
Ferengi economy.

And three...

What was three
again, my dear?

The FCA Commissioners
reinstate you

as Nagus.

And who could ask
for a happier ending than that?

But that's only the
beginning, lobekins.

I predict that one day

a female will enter
the Tower of Commerce

climb the 40
flights of stairs

to the Chamber
of Opportunity

and take her rightful place

as Grand Nagus
of the Ferengi Alliance.

Don't look at me.

It was your amendment.

Nagus, you remember
my son, Nog, don't you?

He's the first Ferengi
to join Starfleet.

I'll try not to hold that
against him.

And this is my wife, Leeta.

I've heard...
so much about you.

Would you like to hear more?

Remember,
she's Rom's wife.

Meaning what?

Meaning she's broke.

She doesn't look broke
to me.

Zekkie...

( laughing ):
Just having

a little harmless fun,
my sweet.

( laughing )

Now, Quark,
you and your brother

get rid of some
of this furniture

and, you, get three

subspace transceivers off my
ship and set them up in here.

And where's my beetle snuff?

Grand Nagus Brunt.

Good afternoon, I'm calling
on behalf of Grand Nagus Zek.

The Nagus summons you
to a meeting here

on Deep Space 9.

He's counting on your support.

You'll be presented with some
very interesting financial data.

There's profit
to be earned.

And the Nagus wants you
to share

in these lucrative
opportunities.

Yes, I'm talking
about the Grand Nagus.

No, not Brunt.

Grand Nagus Zek.

Who said he was dead?

Wait. Don't end
the transmission.

Hello? Hello?

Where'd he go?

I know all about the 94th Rule
of Acquisition.

I know-- females and finances
don't mix.

But that can be interpreted
in many different ways.

Hello? Hello?

That's not a very nice thing
to say about the Nagus.

I beg your pardon?

There's no need to be insulting.

Hello?

Hello? Hello?

That female
happens to be my mother!

Hello?

Are you sure you contacted

every Commissioner on this list?

All 432 of them.

And you could only convince
one of them to attend a meeting?

Maybe if we made some
follow-up calls.

I helped every one
of those people earn a fortune!

And this is
how they repay me?

What a bunch of ingrates.

Well, the news
isn't all bad.

The Commissioner
who's agreed to come--

it's Nilva.

The Chairman of Slug-o-Cola.

ISHKA:
He's a very powerful
and influential voice

within the FCA.

Unfortunately, he's
an influential voice
for the status quo.

I don't think
Slug-o-Cola

has changed its advertising
slogan in 300 years.

♪ Drink Slug-o-Cola ♪

ALL:
♪ ...the slimiest cola
in the galaxy. ♪

QUARK:
Why would Nilva agree
to come to the meeting?

I'm not sure, but if I can
convince him to support Zek

other Commissioners
will follow.

Well, it's a
start, at least.

See? I told you
it was too early to panic.

Care to place a wager
on that?

ROM:
Grand Nagus Brunt!

ZEK:
Acting Grand
Nagus Brunt.

ISHKA:
Now you can panic.

I'll take an Eelwasser.

No ice.

ZEK:
What are you

doing here, Brunt?

That's Grand Nagus Brunt.

Acting Grand Nagus.

Would someone
please tell that female

to take off those clothes?

It's disgusting.

Get used to it,
limp lobes.

This is the future.

Over my dead body.

If that's what it takes.

ROM:
I don't suppose you're
here to reminisce

about the time
you helped my
brother and me

rescue Moogie
from the Dominion.

You're right,
that's not why I'm here.

Though I find it ironic

that helping
to rescue your mother

was the first step
on my road to becoming Nagus.

Don't remind me.

I never should have
given you your job back

with the FCA.

But you did.

And as a liquidator,
I was able to bribe my way

back into a position of power.

That is ironic.

Face it, Zek.

It's over.

You're finished...

bankrupt.

I'm going to liquidate you.

Cancel that Eelwasser.

And get me a...

Slug-o-Cola instead.

On second thought...

I'll just wait till
Chairman Nilva gets here.

I'm sure he'll be happy
to provide his new Nagus

with all the Slug-o-Cola

I can drink.

How did you know
Nilva was coming here?

Because it's my
business to know.

Go on.

Have your
little meeting.

Whatever you offer
Nilva, I'll double it.

That's it!

Get out of my bar.

You dare threaten
your Nagus?

Acting Nagus.

You may liquidate us tomorrow

but right now,
this is still my establishment.

Now, get out
before I kick you out.

I'm going to make
you a pauper.

Uri'lash...
we're leaving.

Say good-bye to
these poor people.

Out.

ZEK:
My boy, I'm proud of you.

So am I.

Me, too.

I just kicked the Grand
Nagus out of my bar.

OTHERS:
Acting Grand Nagus.

Whatever.

I need to lie down.

You busy, Quark?

Busy?

Me?

Nah. I'm just lying here
wondering if it's not too late

for me to start
a new life somewhere.

Oh, Quark, there's nothing wrong
with your life.

I'm sorry.
I stand corrected.

You're overreacting.

Whatever you say.

Reminds me of when
you were a lobling.

You were always
such a miserable child.

Moogie, leave me alone.

I'm your mother;
I can't leave you alone.

Try!

Come on, on your feet.

Zekkie's waiting for you
in the bar.

Now what?

He feels like playing
a game of tongo.

We're all facing banishment
from Ferengi society

and he wants
to play tongo?

He wants to play tongo.

I want to have
a late-night snack.

You want to lie here,
feeling sorry for yourself.

We all deal with stress
in different ways.

Any fresh tube grubs around?

How can you eat
at a time like this?

It's simple.

You put one end
of the tube grub

between your
front teeth

and you suck
them right up.

You want tube grubs? Fine.

Enjoy.

These are minced.

I wanted fresh.

You know, this is
all your fault.

It's my fault

you don't have
fresh tube grubs?

I'm not talking
about tube grubs.

I'm talking about
Ferengi females

wearing clothes
and earning profit.

I'm talking about
Grand Nagus Brunt.

Acting Grand Nagus Brunt!

You're not fooling
me, Moogie.

You've been plotting
this all along.

Ever since you met Zek

you've been working on him

manipulating him,
whispering things in his ears

things like "Equality
for Females."

What's wrong with that?

I'll tell you what's
wrong with that.

You've ruined Zek's life,
your life, Rom's life.

As if you cared
about any of us.

It's your life
you're worried about.

You bet I'm worried.

Nobody else seems to care
what happens to me.

You come here to my station

take over my quarters,
make me

a part of your
subversive schemes...

What's the matter, Quark?

Are you afraid you
picked the wrong side?

You can always go
crawling to Brunt,

beg his forgiveness.

I don't want anything
to do with Brunt.

I want my old Nagus back!

Do you.

I want Zek to be
the way he used to be

before he met you,
before you twisted his thinking

with your-your...
your feminine wiles.

Before he met me, Zek was
a lonely, unhappy man.

But he was rich!

He was the most powerful
Ferengi alive.

Now what is he?
A puppet.

And you're the one
pulling the strings

making him dance
to your evil feminist tune.

You're the worst thing
that ever happened to Zek!

You're the worst thing
that ever happened to me.

In fact, you're the worst thing
that ever happened

to the entire
Ferengi Alliance!

Maybe I am!

But at least
I'm not like you.

A selfish, spineless,
ungrateful--

Don't forget miserable.

Miserable excuse for a son!

Is that the best
you can do?

I haven't even begun.

You should be
ashamed of yourself.

Why, you are
nothing but a...

why, you are... you--

Go ahead. Say it.

You're a...

I'm still waiting.

You're a... you're a...

( yelling ):
A... what?!

( thud )

Moogie...

Moogie? Moogie!

Moogie?

Moogie? Moogie?

ROM:
Moogie...

please don't die.

She's not going to die.

She's going
to get better.

I hope so... for my sake...

for her sake...

for the sake
of the entire

Ferengi Alliance,
and most of all

I hope she gets better
for your sake, Quark

because if she doesn't--

What did I do?

That's exactly the question
I keep asking myself!

What did you do to her?!

I told you.

She said she was hungry.

I gave her some tube grubs.

She thanked me... and
then she collapsed.

I wish you'd stop
making me relive it.

Are you sure you didn't
do or say anything

that might have upset her?

I don't want to
talk about it anymore.

What's wrong, Quark?
Your conscience bothering you?

I haven't done
anything wrong.

That's not
what your mother says.

ROM:
Doctor... how's Moogie?

Will she live?

Oh, yes, she'll live.

She needed a new heart,
and it's functioning normally

but she's going to need
a few days complete rest.

And she'll need to be kept
far away from him.

And why is that, Doctor?

I'm not sure exactly.

All I do know
is that she keeps repeating

the same phrase
over and over:

"It's all Quark's fault.
It's all Quark's fault."

I wonder what she
means by that.

And, uh... then I...

I accused her of being

the worst thing that ever
happened to the Ferengi Alliance

and she clutched her chest
and collapsed.

Moogie and I argue all the time.

It's our way
of showing affection.

Well, if you ask me, Quark,
the worst thing

that ever happened
to the Ferengi Alliance is you.

I'm sorry.

Well, I suppose we
should contact Nilva

and tell him the meeting
has to be postponed.

We can't postpone
the meeting!

In two days, the FCA
is going to confirm Brunt

as the new Grand Nagus.

Boy, when things
go wrong...

BRUNT:
The only thing to do

is to get down on your knees
and beg for mercy.

Who knows?

You might find me
in a charitable mood.

By the time
I get through with you

you're the one
who's going to need charity.

Such brave words...

yet so empty.

I was very relieved

to hear your mother
is going to be all right.

Of course,
it doesn't do you much good.

Nilva will be
arriving tonight

expecting to meet
a brilliant Ferengi female.

Do you know any?

I mean, besides Ishka?

I certainly don't.

( grunting )

How...

pitiful.

One day you're
the Grand Nagus

of the Ferengi Alliance,
and the next

you're nothing but a
common barroom brawler.

You see what happens

when you put your
faith in a female?

What about Leeta?

What about her?

Maybe she could
meet with Nilva.

She handles my finances,
and she's a female.

And a very beautiful one
at that.

But Nilva's expecting
to meet with a Ferengi female.

We'll never get one here
in time.

We're doomed.

No, we're not.

You think if Ishka were here,
she'd give up?

If she were here, we
wouldn't have a problem.

Your mother
would never accept defeat.

If she couldn't find
another female, she'd...

she'd... she'd...

She'd what?

She'd make one.

You mean a hologram?

Better than a hologram.

What could be better
than a hologram?

You.

ROM:
Dr. Bashir certainly did
a wonderful job on you.

I'd call the operation
a complete success.

LEETA:
It must've been a
very delicate procedure.

( soft voice ):
Tell me about it.

LEETA:
There.

Well, how do I look?

You look nice.

Nice?

That's all?

Very nice.

ZEK:
You may look

like a female

but you have to do something
about that voice.

I'm trying!

( in softer voice ):
I-I mean... I'm trying.

Well, try harder.

And stop looking down.

I need to see
what I look like.

Someone get me a mirror.

You see, Brother?
You look lovely.

( bawling )

There go his hormones.

You mean her hormones?

Ta-take it away!

Take it away!

Oh, I'm sorry.

( voice breaking ):
I just feel so-so different.

Would you stop staring

at your chest?

I'm not staring at my chest.

I'm staring at my hips.

Aren't they too big?

Your hips are fine.

Now, let's get
down to business.

These are your mother's notes
for her meeting with Nilva.

Study them carefully.

"Female apparel for
a new source of latinum

"for a new Ferenginar.

"Hypicate cream

for smooth skin and
healthier profits."

All these facts
and figures--

they're too much
for me to remember.

Oh, nonsense.

You just need a little time
to practice your presentation.

And while you're at it

we need to practice
your walk.

What's wrong
with my walk?

You're... lumbering.

This is never going
to work.

ROM:
Don't cry, Brother.

Here. Let
me show you.

Watch carefully.

You see, it's
more of a glide.

That's... good.

And when you sit, make sure
your knees are touching

and don't forget
to relax your shoulders

but keep your bottom tight.

What?

He's the one

that should be
wearing the dress.

Why me?

( sighs )

You're so adorable...

and... complicated.

Maybe it's not too late.

Come on, Brother,
I'll take you to Dr. Bashir.

ZEK:
Forget it, Quark.

Rom may make
a better female than you

but when it comes to business,
you're the better Ferengi.

Looks like your stupidity
has saved you again.

It comes in
handy sometimes.

I can do this.

It's only one meeting.

I can be a female
for one meeting...

can't I?

Not if you're lumbering.

I'll conduct the
meeting sitting down.

ROM:
Tighten your bottom.

Well, I think you're
doing wonderfully, my dear.

I'm proud of you.

I'm sorry.

You know,
you may walk like a man

but you make
a very attractive female.

Confusing, isn't it?

Not to me.

He's here.
He's on the station.

Who is?

Nilva.

But he's not supposed
to arrive until tomorrow.

That Nilva, he's
a tricky one

but he makes
a good cola.

ROM:
What do we do?

No, I-I can't
meet Nilva now.

I'm still lumbering.

You look very nice.

Nog, I want you

to escort the chairman
to his quarters.

Tell him I'll meet him
for dinner tonight.

Yeah.
Oh, what if he asks about Ishka?

Tell him that
Ishka is sick

but that, tomorrow,
he'll be meeting

with my other female
financial advisor...

uh... uh...

Lumba.

Right.

Lumba?

You'd better start memorizing
those notes.

LEETA:
First, we need
to practice your walking.

ROM:
And your sitting.

And you'd better work
on that voice.

Any other comments?

Has anyone ever told you
that you have lovely eyes?

Here.

Have a Slug-o-Cola.

Thank you.

Welcome to Deep Space 9,
Chairman Nilva.

You drink Slug-o-Cola,
don't you?

The slimiest cola in the galaxy?

Doesn't everybody?

( laughs )

Good boy.

Now, take me to Zek.

Zek wanted me
to take you to--

Oh, don't argue with me.

Drink your cola
and lead the way.

Um... uh...

Uh...

You sure you don't want
to stop by your quarters

and freshen up?

Not before I meet
this female advisor of Zek's.

( panting )

( laughing )

Nilva, how nice
to see you again.

Grand Nagus Brunt.

Acting Grand
Nagus Brunt.

Well, I had a feeling
I might find you here.

( chuckles )

I thought
after your meeting with Zek

we could have
a little chat.

Oh, of course.

But I've really come
to meet this Ishka female.

Haven't you heard?

Ishka's in the Infirmary.

She's in no position
to meet anyone.

Which is why
you'll be meeting

with another one of Zek's
financial advisors.

Her name is Lumba.

Never heard of her.

Oh, Zek has two
female advisors?

I didn't know there were
two Ferengi females

on the station.

Well, what are
we waiting for?

Let's go meet
this other female.

Are you sure you
wouldn't like me

to show you around
the station first?

I want to meet Lumba.

Lumba?

Let's try it again.

( jewelry jingling )

My name is Lumba.

You must be
Chairman Nilva.

Zek has told me
so much about you...

Ow!

What's wrong now?

It's these earrings,
they're killing me.

Do I have
to wear them?

No woman is complete
without earrings.

Why does everyone
keep looking at me?

I'm going to bed.

Now?

I'm exhausted.

If I don't get any sleep

I'll never make it through
tomorrow's meeting.

Who could that be?

Come in.

Nilva!

Zek!

( laughing )

( Nilva and Zek laughing )

Here. Have
a Slug-o-Cola.

Oh, don't worry.

I brought enough for everyone.

He insisted on seeing
you immediately.

Why, you must be Lunga.

Lumba.

Oh, a clothed
female Ferengi--

and with your
approval, no less.

Oh, either you've been

inhaling too much
beetle snuff

or you're the greatest
visionary ever to sit atop

the Tower of Commerce.

Well, uh,
why don't you and I have

dinner tonight and try
to figure it out?

We can go to Quark's

and get some nice
juicy snail steaks.

You can meet with
Lumba tomorrow.

I'm afraid
that's not possible.

You see, I have to leave
first thing in the morning.

I'm due back
on Ferenginar
for an important

stockholder's meeting.

Oh, but those snail steaks
do sound tempting.

I know.

Why don't I have
dinner with Lumba?

Oh, with me?

Won't you feel uncomfortable
being seen

in public with
a clothed female?

Well, of course, I will

but you and I
have earned

a lot of latinum
together over the years.

That should be worth
some small discomfort.

But Lumba better be
all you claim she is

or I'll have to
liquidate you myself.

( laughing )

Here. Let's eat.

Have fun.

Two snail steaks,
lightly seared.

Now, tell me something.

Doesn't wearing
all those clothes

make you feel like a deviant?

Not really.

And I'll tell you why.

Because, under
all these clothes

I know I'm totally naked.

I'll try to remember that.

Now, you'd better explain to me

how allowing females
to wear clothing

is going to make me richer
than I already am.

I was hoping you were
going to ask me that.

You see this dress
I'm wearing?

Have you any idea

how much it would sell
for on Ferenginar?

Would someone please tell
me what they're saying?

Shh!
Shh!
Shh!

Let me see
if I understand.

Giving females the right
to wear clothing

allows them to... have pockets.

Once they have pockets

they're going to want
to fill them with latinum.

Which means they're going
to need jobs.

And once
they start earning latinum

they're going
to want to spend it.

Which means,
Ferenginar will be expanding

its workforce
and its consumer base

at the same time.

( chuckling )

Oh, there will be plenty
of profit for everyone.

When it comes to
profit, I'm your girl.

And... I'm sure
you could use

a little extra latinum.

Meaning what?

I read the beverage trades.

Sales of Slug-o-Cola
have flattened out

and Eelwasser
had a very impressive

third quarter.

Aw, they were lucky.
That's all.

I know a way
you can increase sales

of Slug-o-Cola

by 50 to 60 percent.

I'm all ears.

Target the new female consumer.

Make Slug-o-Cola her drink.

There's nothing stopping her
from drinking it now.

But you're
not encouraging her either.

"The slimiest cola
in the galaxy"?

That kind

of slogan
doesn't appeal to women.

Well, what would?

Let me see.

Slug-o-Cola contains
43 percent live algae, right?

In every bottle.

Well, how about something like

"Drink Slug-o-Cola...

and keep...

your teeth
that lovely shade of green"?

Oh...

Zek was right about you.

You're very intelligent.

For a female.

I think it's time
for dessert now.

Good idea.

I thought we were going
to have dessert.

Oh, we are...

in my quarters.

( nervous laughter )

Oh, I never ever thought

I'd find a clothed
female so... enticing.

( excited laughing )

( gasps ):
Enticing?

Me?

Don't be silly.

It's so good to
finally be alone...

( gasps )

without all those
people staring at us.

Although, I must admit

I-I did find it
somewhat stimulating.

( laughing )

Maybe a little
too stimulating.

Oh, can I help it

if my lobes burn
for you, huh, huh?

If you don't believe me,
just touch them.

Touch them.

( excited grunting )

I'll take your
word for it.

You said you'd do

anything for me.

I lied.

Oh, oh, oh...

( maniacal laughing )

Oh, come to me,
my little love slave.

NILVA:
Ah!

( crashing and clattering )

( Quark screaming )

NILVA:
Yeah, yeah!

( clattering )

QUARK:
Stay away!
Stay away, stay away.

Ha!

Marry me.

I don't think your
wife would approve.

Who cares? She hasn't
touched my lobes in months.

I can tell.

Oh, I need you.

What you need
is a cold shower!

What a good idea.

Why, you can
scrub my back.

What if...
Yes?

I told you...

Yes?

I hate Slug-o-Cola?

Oh, so do I!

( laughing )

Oh, you torture me.

Stay away...

Stay away?

Or...
Or what?

Or I'll jump.

I'll catch you.

( both screaming )

Let go of that man!

I'm trying.

Would you
please leave?

You're making
Lumba nervous.

His name's not Lumba,
it's Quark

and he's a male.

A male?

How pitiful.

Zek must be
truly desperate.

Is this true?

You're... a man?

Do I look like a man?

Nice try, Quark,
but it's not going to work.

He's the station's
bartender.

Don't listen to him,
hot lobes.

I'm as female
as they come

and I'm going
to prove it to you.

Well?

Well, I'm...
not sure.

Oh...

all right.

Now are you sure?

Oh... completely.

I tell you
that is not a female!

Well, she's close enough
for me.

Oh, come, my dear.

Let's go tell Zek

that I'm going to do
everything in my power

to make sure
he remains Grand Nagus.

But...

why?

Because that's
what Lumba wants.

( door opening )

His name's Quark.

Interesting ring.

It was a gift.

Poor Nilva...
such a lovely man but so lonely.

Really?

There was a sweetness to him...

and also a strength.

Sometimes, he'd get
this little glint in his eye...

You know what I mean.

Not really...

but I'm glad you had
a pleasant evening.

You're mocking me, aren't you?

And you're being
a little overly sensitive.

I've only been a male again
for six hours.

My hormones must still be
out of balance.

( voice breaking ):
My emotions are raging
out of control.

Is there anything I can do?

( crying )

Would you mind...

giving me...

a hug?

A hug?

Just a small one.

( permissive grunt )

Thank you!

( bawling )

( continues bawling )

ZEK:
I hope we're not
interrupting anything.

Uh, excuse me.

We just wanted

to say good-bye

before we go back
to Ferenginar.

Where the rivers
run with muck

and the streets

are swarming with
happy females.

And where, if all
goes according to plan

the FCA Commissioners

will once again
proclaim me Grand Nagus.

That would be nice,
but Brunt's

going to fight
you at every turn.

Ah, I wouldn't have
it any other way.

I'm glad we have
Nilva on our side

and we have you to
thank for that, Quark.

Will you forgive me, Moogie?

Of course I do.

You may be a lousy son

but you made
a wonderful daughter.

( giggling )

I hope the experience
taught you something.

It made me more compassionate

more empathetic,
more nurturing.

I feel like I'm trapped
in my worst nightmare.

ZEK:
Don't worry.

I'm sure it
won't last.

You'll be back to your
old self in no time.

Mmm...

( sighs )

You are so... lucky.

Oh.

No man ever
gave me a ring.

Quark?

Aluura...

I read the book.

What book?

You know,
Oo-mox for Fun--

You shouldn't be
wasting your time

reading that
kind of trash.

But you told me to--

Forget what I told you.

It was wrong
and I apologize.

You are a wonderful employee

and I'm lucky
to have you working for me.

In fact, as of today,
I'm giving you a raise...

another two slips

of latinum a week.

Really?

It's the least I can do.

( disappointed sigh )

That's too bad.

All right, make it three.

No, it's not that.

Then what?

It's just that...

oo-mox sounded like fun--

the tympanic tickle

the eustachian tube rub

the... auditory nerve nibble...

( pleading sigh )

But if that's the way
you feel about it...

That is exactly
the way I feel about it.

What am I saying?

Aluura?

Wait.

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