Original subtitles

The drought is over.

My libido's back.

Go with the flow.

I'll take care of you tonight.

Ah.

We say goodbye to Julie Muldoon today.

First her career died.

Then her vagina

Let us pray.

Mom?

I can't fall asleep.

Okay. It's okay. What time is it?

Dad told me that you wouldn't be able to pick me up.

And what's going on? - Uh...

Yeah, I just have, um, I've got work.

I've got some work meetings and stuff.

What are your meetings about?

Uh...

I'm here for my CT scan.

Have a seat.

I'm here to see the gynecologist.

Have a seat.

The sleep specialist.

The vulvologist.

Bone density scan.

Audio stuff and, uh, branding.

Hmm.

And, yeah, exactly, this'll put you to sleep.

Product placement. - Mmmhmm.

Um...

Spreadsheets.

♪ I feel it all, I feel it all ♪

♪ I feel it all ♪

What is this doing here?

Oh yeah, it was the only place with a plug.

I had to put it there. Do you love it?

You do, you do? Do you love it?

Okay, I'm sorry.

What are you wearing today?

You look like a business pirate.

Argh! Here. - Oh.

Never too many pillows for a shared office.

Ugh. Look at me.

I got something for you, okay.

It's gonna open you up.

Are you ready?

Ba-bing!

Best friends. Do you like this?

Best friends... - Best friends!

Yeah. I'm gonna put this right over here.

Look. Yep. Look.

We're looking at each other.

Yeah, it's great. - Mwah. I love you.

I love you.

Okay, come on.

You don't seem like yourself.

Lay it on me.

Okay, fine.

I, I'm having some problems with sex,

and, uh, it's like

my garden has become a sandbox

and everything I try doesn't work.

It's just, it's so unfair.

It's like, you know, like, men,

they get erectile dysfunction.

What do they do? They go to the doctor.

They say, I got E.D.

He's like, poof, here's some Viagra.

For women, what do we got?

We've got, uh, V.D.

Vaginal dryness.

See what I did there?

That is an unfortunate acronym.

It kind of is.

Oh.

Oh, Ronnie's here.

I, I don't know. Who's Ronnie?

Ronnie Roy from "News with Ronnie"?

I don't know who Ronnie is.

Oh my God. Oh.

I'm sorry. I am so tired.

Um, our guest cancelled yesterday.

My friend Ronnie's in town.

Um, she has a show on CNN.

She's won a bunch of Peabodys.

She's actually really incredible.

Well, it's just that normally

we choose the guest together,

so I don't think that's a good idea.

You are gonna love Ronnie.

She's amazing.

She's like ambitious and driven and a go-getter.

Ah, that just all sounds like the same thing.

Like she's kind of boring.

Like, like a, like, like no personality.

We were inseparable back in the day.

People used to call us "work wives".

That's what they said. - What?

Anyway, I hate that term.

Yeah, I don't like that term either.

You know, if we're gonna be a work wife, there's gonna be...

Julie?

Listen, if I have to go to one more event

where they seat me next to Elon, honestly.

Don't get me started.

Yeah, I get invited to a lot of events too.

Is that right?

Pea-buddy!

Honey!

No, no. HR says no hugging, no hugging.

HR said it.

Yeah, well, friends can hug.

Friends can hug.

Coworkers can't hug, but friends can.

I come bearing gifts.

Signed. - Aww.

I like to think of it as my blueprint on surviving media.

Hit your deadlines, never say no,

and don't let anyone stand in your way.

Pee-wee Herman retweeted me once.

Okay. Congrats on the show.

Heard the first episode.

It's cute.

Oh, high praise indeed.

Uh, the last person she called "cute" was Enrique Pena Nieto

after a couple of double mojitos.

No! - That sounds spicy.

I know Enrique, that of that...

I've heard of that. Oh gosh.

She's a... he's a man.

Okay, uh, why don't we start with the makeup?

Sure. Okay.

I was thinking that we could do a winged liner.

I think that would be really great.

It would highlight- - How about this...

Mmmhmm?

Travel makeup tips.

Eh?

- Great! I love it. - Great.

- Yeah. - It's perfect.

Honestly. It's cute and fast and efficient.

Yay... travel.

So interesting.

Okay, great.

Well, then, uh, I'll start the research.

Kris, you're on makeup prep.

And we'll do the pre-interview at, uh, 1:00 PM.

Oh, I, it just, I, I have can't do the,

I have, um, I have that meeting?

You know, the ones where I have to lay down a lot?

Oh yes, of course.

Uh, you can't miss that. Okay, um, well-

That's okay.

Julie can do the pre-interview.

She knows me inside out.

No need for Kris. - Great.

Well, when you say that, I would go the opposite.

There is a need for me, so I made a decision:

I'll be here.

No, no, don't sweat this. We got this.

Hey, 'member when you called Brokaw a 'sad wet noodle'?

Oh my God, the look on his face.

Oh.

'Cause he knew it was true.

Julie and I see a lot of penises together too.

Quick question, it will only take a sec.

I am just trying to enjoy my Earl Grey.

So how long have Ronnie and Julie been friends?

Are they casual friends? Close friends?

Ride-or-die like Julie and I?

I highly doubt that.

They worked together at Reuters for years.

Okay, just because they've worked together for a long time,

and known each other for a long time,

doesn't mean they're close, so.

Question asked, question answered.

Hey. - Hey.

About what happened at the meeting...

Yeah, Mo, I'm actively listening

and I do not think that this is an appropriate conversation

and something about consent.

Who would you rather be friends with?

Some award-winning host?

No. Or this one?

Me. Voila.

I'd rather work alone.

Listen, hang on.

I haven't even told you what I have to offer.

I have fun. I have friendship.

I have a load of unused gift cards.

I am best friends with everybody.

Why wouldn't you wanna be my best friend?

Hey Keith, I'm gonna see you at lunch.

Girl, that ain't Keith.

Oh, my point still stands. It doesn't matter.

Julie and I share an office,

so technically we are work wives,

and why doesn't she see that?

Have you been to high school?

I did. Kind of.

Have you ever seen a romantic comedy?

I love them.

Thing is, gotta make her jealous.

Larry, stop asking.

Yes, I did decorate our office with my best friend, okay.

Little comfy, little professional.

Bit of both of us. Two peas in a pod.

Cool. Fun fact:

Lennon hated peas.

How is that helpful?

It's like, come on John, give peas a chance.

Shut up, Larry.

Please stop calling me your work wife.

I would never say that.

Can you say it. Say it now.

You said you'd say it. Say it.

Oh my.

Hello Clarice.

That's pretty good.

We're just hanging out being friends,

wearing masks, chilling, bonding,

vibing, friending.

Oh, um, Kris, we're actually,

we're trying to get some work done.

Sure thing.

Um, I just wanna say that I'm a huge fan of your show.

Oh, thank you.

We're all fans of shows, okay?

All different shows we can be fans of.

Okay. Get outta here.

I thought we were bonding.

Not anymore. - Okay.

Hey Kris, where are we with the makeup?

Oh, it's all done.

We are gonna do a cat-eye, nude lip.

Timeless elegance.

I don't do cat-eye.

Okay, I'll think of something else.

No problem. - Great. Thanks.

Hey Jules, remember that time when you and I were going-

Oh, when border security took your phone

and you had to use eyeliner to file your report?

Yeah, I won the Emmy.

Wow.

But enough about me.

What's new?

How are you doing?

How's Pete?

Oh, Good. Great.

Look, I know

we've been going through a bit of a rough patch lately,

but, but we can get through this, vagina.

We can do hard things.

You love hard things.

Now I want you to cut out your nonsense and get in that bed

and make sweet, sweet love to your husband.

What you want to do with creme brulee

is you don't want to leave it in too long.

We're going through a bit of a dry spell.

I'm the dry spell.

Oh. - Yeah.

I've heard it returns to normal after menopause.

Total lie.

I never got my sex drive back.

So you... you don't have sex?

Frankly, I'm glad to be done with it.

Sex is overrated.

Now I can focus on what really matters.

Making a difference.

And that's what you should focus on too.

Sounds rewarding.

Remember how good it felt?

Those all-nighters to break a story?

How many podcasts are you working on right now?

Just the one. Glow.

That's your problem.

Find your passion.

This is our act two.

You know, I have to say, when I read your book,

I thought it would make a great podcast.

Really?

You good?

Oh my God. Yes, I'm fine.

I'm just locked out of my office,

which is totally normal.

And I am not listening, okay?

I'm leaning like this.

You want me to knock?

No, I don't want you to knock.

I'm gonna go get the key from Jamila in a bit, okay?

Okay. - Okay.

If you're looking for a work wife,

I'd like to apply.

I think you misunderstood. I'm good.

My skills:

Great listener.

Excellent snack prep.

And in a crisis, I have pyrotechnics.

That's great. I have to be the, there.

These are all fantastic.

Another idea:

how about starting each episode with a quote from your book?

I am loving all of this.

Really? Let's celebrate.

I think there's some champagne in the fridge.

Ooh, love it.

Not as much as you're gonna love my next idea.

It wasn't even locked.

No, I swear to God it was.

I would not mess with you because I love you.

Can I finish my Earl Grey tea?

Mmmhmm. - Uh huh.

Mmm-huh. Oh, whoa-wee!

Hee-hee-hee, that's a lot for a Glow Up.

It's for a new podcast Jules and I are working on.

Hey guys, I got some "kombucha".

Robyn labels everything in the fridge "kombucha"

so nobody steals it.

I didn't know that you were doing a new podcast with Ronnie.

Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

We're just spitballing.

Julie can do more than one podcast if she wants to.

Oh, can she?

I guess I know how life works.

Okay, Ronnie?

Listen, I get it.

You two bond over brains, okay?

You know what we bond over?

Personal stuff.

We go deep inside each other,

that's us, like real friends do, okay?

Okay, okay, okay.

We are all real friends here,

so why don't we celebrate with some kombucha.

It's the real stuff, from France.

Like this morning, you know what Julie was talking to me about?

How she has V.D.

I don't have V.D.

Yeah, you do.

Your-your dry vagina.

You talk about it to me.

Guess what I talk about with her?

My hot sweet swamp. You know why?

'cause we talk about our vaginas all the time, all day long

'cause that's what best friends do.

Sounds like stimulating conversation.

Oh, and I'm sure what you two talk about is way better.

Multiplication, plate tectonics.

You know what?

I'm fun and everybody loves our show.

And if I am not intellectual enough for you...

Oh, hi, Sophacleats, nice to meet you.

Then I know a ton of people that would wanna work with me.

Okay?

Kris, come on. Aw, Kris.

Let her go.

Ugh!

I'm sorry, um, do you know how long the wait will be?

No, sorry. Put on this gown.

Change rooms are down there.

You're a beautiful woman who counts.

I think she's past it. Genius.

Why did you tell Kris we were doing a podcast?

I thought we were just brainstorming ideas for you.

It would be for us.

We're doing it together.

Okay, but we haven't pitched it to Evan or Michael.

What about your book tour? What about your show?

Okay, breathe.

I'm giving you your life back.

Big Important Ideas was a show that said something.

Don't you miss it?

I do. I really do.

Hi there. - Hi.

Hi. How are you today?

I'm good. Great.

Great. My name is Andrea.

Do you know what procedure you're having today?

I certainly do, an ultrasound.

I've had many. I've had a baby.

Great. Feet in the stirrups, please.

Lie back.

And then could you scooch down a bit more?

Oh. A little bit more.

Just one more time.

Great.

Oh, I definitely knew it was that kind.

Yeah. 'Cause why use the tummy kind when you,

that one's much more thorough.

It gets right up in there.

Hi. - Hi.

I'm the attending physician.

How are you today?

I'm just great. Uh-

Actually, this is a teaching hospital.

Do you mind if some students watch and learn?

Oh, yeah, sur- - Okay.

Relax. - I'm relaxed.

Okay. And here we go.

Oh, okay.

Get it right up in there.

I've had worse days than this.

I'm just, heh, I'm joking.

You're okay. This-

- Kris? - Yeah.

Do you wanna say something?

Um... I'm okay.

Uh, actually, yes.

Uh....

I'm just gonna tell my doctor what is wrong.

Oh, go ahead.

I would like less people watching, please.

I'm so sorry. We'll leave.

Okay.

She's not comfortable!

Why don't we try that again?

Just the two of us, okay?

Okay. - Ready?

- Yes. - Last time.

Okay.

When you hear the word ultrasound,

you just think it's gonna be the "belly" kind.

You don't think it's gonna be the "wait the two hours

"and fifteen people look at your vagina" kind.

I know that something's wrong.

I keep having these appointments

and no one's telling me anything.

And I'm just losing a lot of blood and I'm losing sleep.

I think I'm losing my mind.

And I'm losing...

and I'm losing my friend Julie.

Oh my, gerrr. Kris, oh, sorry.

What is wrong with me?

I gotta stop.

I, you know what I'm doing here?

I'm gonna tell you.

I'm letting fear rule today and I'm not gonna do that

because I don't think I'm alone,

'cause I have Julie.

Oh God, I am gonna end up alone

if I keep talking about her dry vagina.

Andrea, you are really kind but are you done?

- Yep, fully done. - Okay.

Can I ask a favour?

Yeah, sure.

Can I borrow some of that lube?

The ultrasound gel?

Potato, potato.

Jamila, have you seen Kris?

Is she back?

Girl, I am just trying to drink my tea.

Julie, hi.

Love Ronnie. Obvi.

But could you just tell her I'm not an intern, okay?

She sent me for coffee twice and she doesn't even work here.

Ronnie kicked us out of the studio and I couldn't say no.

I can't tell if I'm a fan boy

or if I'm reliving some sort of trauma.

It is an honour to work with her, obviously,

but if she touches my de-esser one more time, I-

Okay, guys.

I know that Ronnie is impatient and blunt,

and tiny bit terrifying, but if she was a man,

she would be celebrated.

Oh, her gender's not the problem.

I love women. We know this.

It's just that she's totally ruining the vibe around here.

Yeah, this isn't gonna be like a permanent thing, is it?

She mentioned a new show.

Um...

No, no, no, no, no, no, no. - Wait, I'm going to pee! Stop!

Please.

Julie, Ronnie was just pitching me the podcast

that you're working on.

I love it.

You know, we've been missing a news podcast since we lost

Big Important Ideas.

Losing it? Michael, cut it.

And you said it was for "mall walkers and angry libs."

I didn't.

This is Ronnie Roy.

So it could be a huge numbers bump for us.

I would love to hear proof of concept.

Well, it's not entirely fleshed out yet.

But it will be. Almost done.

Great! And you know what?

You use whatever you need in this office, Ronnie.

I mean it. I got you, girly.

And have it into me by, um...

End of day obviously!

We're on it.

No, end of day we can't because I still have to edit

Glow Up with Kris.

So multitask.

Now where is that Chelsey? I need a coffee.

Is it possible that Ronnie's a bad person?

Oh, yeah.

That's why I love her.

Okay, everyone, we're on a tight timeline.

Larry, change out that mic.

Robyn, set up studio one.

Chelsea take orders for a dinner run.

No one leaves till we're done.

No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

No food orders. No all-nighters.

Everyone go back to what you're doing.

Belay that order. You wanted this.

Oh, you wanted this.

Well, if you want another Peabody,

it's either all in or all out.

What's it gonna be?

Julie! I am so sorry.

I love you. Here's lube.

Look. You're welcome.

Actually, it's ultrasound gel and it's for your dry sandbox.

I'm gonna water it.

Not me's gonna water it, but this will water it.

Wow. Okay. Well, thanks.

Uh, I don't think the two products are interchangeable,

but it's the, uh, thought that counts.

You're welcome.

Ronnie, I am out.

You never change, but I have.

With you it's always about you.

But Kris, I never come in second place.

Whoop! Whoop! - Yeah.

Number one! - She completes me.

Yeah. - We are work...

Wives. - No, I hate that term.

- Sorry. - We are work friends.

- Best friends. - Nope.

We're bestest of friends. - Okay, we, okay.

We could have whatever qualifiers.

Look, the point is,

I would like you to stop bossing my team-

Okay, shhh!

Ronnie here.

Really? Amazing.

An explosion? How many dead?

No survivors? On my way.

I'm on the air in three hours.

Been a slice, everyone.

Tune in at 9:00 PM.

Oh my God, I can't believe she was your work wife.

She's so rude. She didn't say goodbye.

I would always say goodbye.

Or if I like you and I do like you,

I high kick ya.

Goodbye! - Oh, no, no, no, no.

You're gonna really give away the-

I saw it all. It was there.

Now we need a new guest.

That's for another day.

How did your doctor's appointment go?

Uh, I don't think I really want to talk about it.

But you know what? Maybe I'll get some answers.

Sorry about Ronnie.

She's kind of a human freight train.

That's okay. You know, she just wasn't a good fit.

Oh. Hey. Hey.

Can we, uh, talk now?

Uh, Mo, remember what I said about boundaries?

I'm gonna talk to you when I'm ready. Okay?

Yep. Understood. - Right. No.

Okay.

I just really wanna be able

to pick our podcast guests together.

You're right. We're partners.

We should choose the guests together.

See you tomorrow, work buddy?

Oh. - Oh.

Why am I wet?

The glove full of lube was in my purse.

Oh, okay.

Oh, skip to the elevator? - Yeah.

♪ Oh, just wanna push somebody

♪ Your body won't let you

♪ Just want to move somebody

♪ Body won't let you

♪ You want to steal somebody

♪ Body won't let you

♪ Who, who,

♪ Who do you talk to? ♪

♪ Who do you talk to? ♪