All language subtitles for Night.Court.2023.S03E14.Hot.to.Trot.1080p.HEVC.x265-MeGusta[EZTVx.to]

It's just I never realized

how good life could be
until they were here.

Some people say that
about grandkids,

but kudos to you for saying it
about your breast implants.

Yeah.
Come give my babies a hug.

Is Abby hanging out
with her ex's mom?

Well, maybe there's a DUI
she needs taken care of.

If there's one thing I know,

it's boobs like that are made
for getting out of DUIs.

Hey, guys.
That Susan's a real firecracker.

And by that I mean

she's probably very dangerous
on the Fourth of July.

Don't you think it's weird
you keep in touch

with your ex-boyfriend's mother?

Yeah. There are better ways
to spend your time.

May I suggest... anything else.

How is this different
from you keeping in touch

with your mother-in-law?
- I was married to her daughter.

And I-I'm also afraid
to cut her off.

I think if I do,
she'll haunt me.

Your mother-in-law
is still around?

If she bites me,
will I also live forever?

You laugh, but she's bitten
a lot of nurses.

It's the main way I tell
that she's still alive.

You two are missing out.

Cutting people off
is one of life's great joys.

The only downside is
if you do it too well,

then there's no one
to share it with.

Well, I like Susan.
I think she's a lovely person.

It's a very simple question,
Father.

When I go to heaven...
do these come with me?

Well, all dogs go to heaven.
Why can't the puppies?

You know, a mustache pageant
is a time to come together.

But... not like this.

Case dismissed.
And word of advice--

If you're gonna brawl,
put your face in a ponytail.

It's ironic you two
are stuck together,

because you have the mustaches
of guys who will die alone.

That smell.

You've been around rich people
today.

How could you have known that?

Well, extreme wealth gives off
a distinct scent.

I'm picking up notes of...
single-malt scotch and...

...the tears of a butler.
- Ah.

Well, if you must know, I was
at a family funeral in Greenwich

for my Great-Aunt Muffy.

Oh.
Sorry for your loss.

I never know what to say.

I'm just at a loss for words--
not comparing it to your loss.

A-A person is a bigger loss
than word loss.

Oh!
Now I can't stop saying "loss."

Get well soon--
uh, to you, of course,

'cause your aunt can't.

Thank you for that journey,
Gurgs.

So, hold on a second.

You went
to a Connecticut funeral

for an impossibly old relative
with a childlike nickname.

Oh, my God.
You don't just come from money.

You come from
gin-in-the-morning,

Daddy's back-on-the-roof money.

How did I not know this?

Because it's not something
I'm proud of.

I mean, those people are--
are crazy.

Uh-huh. And what do the voices
tell you you are?

I never really fit in.

I was always left out
of the midnight boat rides

that... that often ended
in sex and murder

and when things got really dark,
a Kennedy.

That's a synopsis of every show
I'm watching on Netflix.

But then my Aunt Muffy
took a shining to me.

And by that I mean she attacked
me in a hedge maze with an ax.

But when I didn't rat on her,
I became her favorite.

And now, after years
of being her human footstool,

I stand to inherit her millions.

Well, I-I wish you the best.

And when you buy your new,
fabulous apartment,

please invite me over

so I can slip and sue you
for Muffy's millions.

You okay? You're groaning
like Dan looking at a tip jar.

I'm dating someone
a few years younger,

and it's hard to keep up.

There's so many activities--

rope courses, fun runs, kayaking.

It's not like having
a girlfriend.

It's like dating a camp.

Weren't you the one who said
that ropes courses

are for finance bros
who can't make friends?

Well, the man who said that
never saw Candace in a tube top.

What about you, Judge?

Any weekend plans?

Well, Jake's mom invited me
to a mah-jongg tournament,

so I will also be spending it
with a hottie in a tube top.

Okay.

There's no way this is actually
how you want to spend your time.

What are you doing
with this woman?

Gaining wisdom.

There is a lot to learn
from a second-wave feminist

who said there had to be
a second wave

because the first wave
were all fuglies.

Okay. Fine.
Fine.

I've been spending time with her

as a way to stay updated
on Jake's life.

Oh!

This is such a bad idea.

Is it?

Or is it a worse idea

to let a great guy like Jake
get away over one tiny mistake?

Jake broke up with you
for lying to him.

So now, to win him back,
you're lying to his mother?

Well, yeah, you can make
anything sound bad

when you state
exactly what I'm doing.

And I legally attest that I am

Julianne Pennsylvania Railroad
Walters.

As executor
of your great-aunt's estate,

allow me to read the letter
she left for you.

Don't mind us.
Just eavesdropping.

By the way, you smell terrific.

Oh.

"Dearest Julianne,

You were always a strange,
explosive child

and therefore my favorite."
- Oh!

Well, looks like I hit
the jackpot--

first genetically
and now financially.

"I watched you blossom
into a volatile,

sexually aggressive time bomb
who deserves nothing..."

Uh-- Uh...
"...but the best."

It goes on like that
for 17 pages.

Oh, does it, really?
Give me that.

All right. Let's see here.
Uh, "afternoons by the lake."

"Roosevelt was a coward."
Wh-- I...

"What it's like to hunt
a human."

Oh. Oh. Here. Here, here, here.
"Inheritance."

What did I get?
10 million? 20?

Oh, oh, oh.
It is big.

Is it a blimp?
Is it a Jurassic park?

It's Gloria.

The cousin they sent away
for a lobotomy?

No. Gloria's a horse.

A Jurassic horse?!

After everything I did
for that woman.

And I read to her.

I picked kitty litter
out of her hair.

I puppeteered her hand
when she wanted to wave

at children out the window
like some creepy ghoul.

And for that, I get a horse.

It could be worse.
It could be the lobotomy cousin.

Oh, please.

She's in a gorgeous facility
with a stunning view.

That mah-jongg game
was intense.

I doubt people in the 1800s
called each other "tile slut."

You have to understand.

When the pot gets up to $15,
people are going to get hurt.

But they will all cool down
by my birthday party.

You're coming, aren't you?
- Ah.

Right.
Your birthday.

Look, Susan.
I-I don't think I should go.

You're great,
but if I'm being honest,

I'm mainly just spending time
with you to get closer to Jake.

So?
I'm doing the same thing.

Do you think I'm here
because you're a fun hang?

No!

You and Jake were
the perfect pair!

Kind of like...
- Your boobs, Susan. We know.

Do you think there's any chance
that Jake feels the same way?

Oh, Abby.
I know he does.

And he'll be at my party,
so you have to be there, too.

All I ask is when my son finally
mounts you like a Clydesdale...

...promise you'll think of me.

Damn it, Susan.

Now you're the only thing
I'm gonna think about.

You know, all this will talk
has me thinking.

If I die, will you take care
of my lizards?

Well, you'll be dead.

So as far as you know, they'll
get the best of everything.

Finally sink in
that you work here?

I do those screams
on the inside now.

Now you'll never believe who
got all of Aunt Muffy's money.

That stupid horse!

W-Why are you mad?
The horse is rich.

You have the horse.
Ergo, you're rich.

Are you worried that the money
will change you?

I-I think I speak for all of us

when I say that we'll be fine
if you're different.

Okay.
There's only one problem.

I gave the horse away.

Who did you find to take
a horse in less than a day?

♪ Guess who has a horse ♪

And I wouldn't trade her
for all the money in the world.

Thank you, Jules, for allowing
me to live the dream

that is urban horse ownership.

Oh. Have a cigar.

I'm a proud horse daddy.

Floby, does she prefer a trot
or a canter?

You know what?
I will ask her myself.

I-I need to get
that horse back.

Can you talk to him?
He listens to you.

You convinced him not to eat
that cheese

he found on the ground.

I got lucky. He had
a huge lunch that day.

What if I said that there's
a finder's fee in it for you?

I will not put a price
on friendship.

Not at least until I do
some research

and see what friendships
are going for these days.

Fine, fine, but let's just
keep this between us.

You know,
word travels fast around here.

Hey!
Word is my horse is rich!

- Ohh.
- My fee just doubled.

When you told me we were going
to a '70s disco,

I thought you meant the decade,
not the demographic.

I still don't know
why I had to be your plus-one.

I need a wingman.

And because Susan gave me
that outfit and said,

"Fill it up
with some man candy."

You know you're my boss.

And you know "man candy"

is the less-gross version
of what she said.

Well, this is better
than the date Candace planned.

She signed us up for a hike.
I don't want to hike!

And who did she sign us up with?
The woods?

There's Jake.
What are we gonna do?

You're my wingman.
Wing, Wyatt. Wing!

Uh, w-- w-- Your instinct
is going to be to dance.

Under no circumstances--

Step aside, daddy-o.
I gotta dance.

Abby!
You made it.

Susan, who is Jake dancing with
and kissing with?

Oh, that's just Lucy.

It's Jake's girlfriend.
Did I not mention her?

No, you didn't.

You never mentioned
Jake's girlfriend.

Yet somehow I know all about
the emotional affair

you're having
with your married mailman.

It's sexy because sometimes
he lets me open

other people's mail.

First you lied to me
about Jake, and now

you're admitting to a federal
crime in front of a judge.

It's federal?

Oh, that makes it
so much hotter.

Oh. Julianne.
Bad news.

Uh, it's gonna be no go
on the horse.

Murray, he's just a tough nut
to crack.

I...I let you down,
and for that, I'm truly sorry.

Hold on.
You're never sorry.

Oh, you're double-crossing me.

I am not double-crossing you.

If anything,
I'm backstabbing you.

You worm.

Well, this is worse
than my family telling my nephew

he was going to Madrid
and then shipping him off

to a state institution.

Ugh.
SUNY Purchase.

Disgusting.

Why should I settle
for a finder's fee from you

when I can get Murray
to let me manage all the money,

granting me access
to the lifestyle

of a millionaire horse?

Now all I have to do
is sell Murray on my plans.

- Mm.
- Giddyup.

What the hell is this?

Have I got an investment
for you.

Picture this-- a basketball
that always goes in.

Slide!

It's a game-changer.

I guess you're not the only one
who wants that horse's money.

Good luck.
- Oh, j--

All right. Vultures, get lost.
Let's go. Let's go. Let's go.

But I didn't get to do
my big close!

It's a slam dunk!

Yeah. Fine. Save that pitch
for "Shark Tank."

Go.

Oh.
Thank you, Dan.

Everyone is hitting me up
for money,

and I don't want this attention.

I just want to ride my horse
full speed down the sidewalk

in peace.

Of course you do.

You should be riding free,

feeling that wind
through your... skin.

You don't want to be bogged down
with the drudgery

of managing horse money.

Leave that to me.
I am great with money.

It was my first love.

Well, Dan, that would
help me out big-time.

Unfortunately, it's--
it's not my call.

It's not your--
Whose call is it?

- Gloria's.
- Uh, the horse?

You can't leave complex
financial decisions to her!

She doesn't even know
what pants are!

A day ago, I would have agreed.

But I have seen
into that horse's soul.

And she understands more
than I could have ever imagined.

If there is a chance
she can do this,

I have to let her try.

What does that mean?

- Wyatt, we got to go.
- Ohh, I'm not going anywhere.

This party is great!

Yeah. These women
are a lot more my speed.

I've found the fountain
of no youth!

Susan didn't tell me
that Jake has a girlfriend.

They're both here,
and they're touching,

and I'm watching
like a complete psycho.

But I just met Helen.

She takes two naps a day,
and she buys full-fat milk.

Mm?
How hot is that?

Well, I'm leaving
before Jake sees me.

Enjoy watching "Yellowstone"
after sex.

Abby!

Jake.

I didn't expect to see you
at my mom's birthday.

Small world.

I'm here.
Your mom's mailman is here.

It's a real who's who
of "why them?"

I'm Lucy, Jake's girlfriend.

And this is Abby. She's...
Why are you here?

I am here at this party,
um, because--

She's the entertainment.

Your mom hired her to juggle...
all of her many impressions.

Oh, I didn't know
you did impressions.

Oh, yeah.
I can do anyone.

You should hear
my Pee-wee Herman.

- Ooh. Do Jack Nicholson.
- Ooh.

You can't ha-a-a-ndle the truth.

Ha ha!

Wasn't that just Pee-wee?

You were right.
We should have left.

Oh, look!
It's all my favorite people.

And Lucy.

Now, why don't you two catch up?

I'm suddenly curious
about this one.

Tell me everything.

What's your last name?

So... that's your new lady.

- Yeah.
- She seems nice.

- I don't think my mom's a fan.
- What makes you say that?

She invited my ex-girlfriend
to her birthday party.

Yeah.
This is all weird, I guess.

No. It's...
It's really good to see you.

It's good to see you, too.

- Do "Sling Blade."
- Kick rocks, Helen.

Jake, I was just gonna say,
um--

What is wrong with you?!

Your mom is a lunatic.

She said,
"Let me call you a cab,"

and then threw a glass
of Cabernet at me.

I'm sure it was an accident.

Then why is she giving you
a thumbs-up?

Maybe she loves my impressions.

Want to hear me do
"Sling Blade"?

French-fried potatahs! Ha ha!

Oh, Lucy's really
letting him have it.

Poor bartender's shaking
in his roller skates.

Why would you throw wine on her?

I was just
trying to distract Lucy

to give you some alone time
with Jake.

So... did you do
the horizontal hustle?

Susan, you were gone
two minutes.

You millennials.

It takes you forever
to do anything.

Mom, this is ridiculous.

You need to apologize to Lucy.

Good idea.

Take him to the ladies' room.

The wallpaper is very erotic.

Okay. Stop.
Stop.

Jake, the truth is...

I wasn't hired
to do impressions.

I came here thinking
I could get you back.

But you're happy, and...

I don't want to get in the way
of that.

Susan, maybe instead
of pushing Lucy away,

you should give her
another chance.

Hold on.

You do impressions?

That was your takeaway?

Can you do "Varsity Blues"?

I love "Varsity Blues."

I almost wore
a whipped-cream bikini tonight.

But my Uber rating is already
in the toilet.

Just so you know, I was the one
to talk her out of that.

But not before
she sent me pictures.

Who do you think took them?

I'm sorry my mom brought you
here under false pretenses.

I guess that's
kind of her thing.

Her mailman said
it's not even her birthday.

- Look, Abby--
- Jake, I was w--

- You go.
- Oh. You go.

No. You go first.
- No. You go.

My mom's not the easiest person
to get along with.

So if you can do that...

maybe we could be friends.

I was gonna...
say the same thing.

Guess I'll see you around.

Okay.

Sorry it didn't work out
with Jake.

Ready to go?
- Yeah. Yeah.

I thought you were going home
with Helen.

Yeah. I thought so, too,
but she said if I slept over,

I'd have to be up by 6:00
for water aerobics.

Yeah. Turns out
no one's lazy anymore.

Hm.
You don't smell rich yet.

My plan had one flaw in it.

Murray thinks
that all financial decisions

have to be okayed by the horse.

He's gonna wind up buying
$100 million worth

of artisanal carrots.
- It's ridiculous.

Especially when that horse
could own the patent

to a self-dunking basketball.

Oh.
There you are.

After much soul searching and
several hours posing for this...

Yeah?

Thank you, Sandy.

...I decided
to let the horse go.

Oh. So you're giving her back
to Julianne.

Well, I have news for you.

I don't want the horse.
No.

I decided I don't even want
the inheritance.

If I learned anything
from my family,

it's that money
makes people crazy.

Well, that and repeatedly
marrying your cousins.

So you know what?
I am just gonna walk away.

W-- Wow.

How poignant.
How brave.

I'll take the money
and the horse.

No.
Dan, you don't understand.

When I said I let the horse go,
I literally let the horse go.

Why would you do something
like that?

Because of Dan.

He said horses
couldn't make decisions.

That's why I let Gloria make
the biggest decision of all--

How do you want to live?

So I opened the door
of my brownstone,

and she made her choice.

She pointed that long face
toward New Jersey

and ran like the wind!

Hold on.

Are you telling me
that a horse

worth hundreds
of millions of dollars

is running free in new Jersey
right now?

Unh. Ha. Ooh.
Ah.

Unh!

Huh.

You let the horse loose,
didn't you?

Well, I guess I'll go get
my lasso.

I thought you didn't care
about the money anymore.

Yeah. But I don't want someone
in New Jersey to have it.