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00:00:02,627 --> 00:00:06,089
♪ The Simpsons ♪
2
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[sighs]
3
00:00:08,925 --> 00:00:11,177
{\an8}♪ I want to break free ♪
4
00:00:13,263 --> 00:00:16,099
{\an8}♪ I want to break free ♪
5
00:00:17,767 --> 00:00:20,602
{\an8}♪ I want to break free from your lies ♪
6
00:00:20,603 --> 00:00:22,980
{\an8}♪ You're so self-satisfied ♪
7
00:00:22,981 --> 00:00:25,191
{\an8}♪ I don't need you ♪
8
00:00:26,526 --> 00:00:29,029
{\an8}♪ I've got to break free ♪
9
00:00:31,781 --> 00:00:33,366
{\an8}♪ God knows ♪
10
00:00:34,409 --> 00:00:38,204
{\an8}♪ God knows I want to break free ♪
11
00:00:39,706 --> 00:00:41,958
{\an8}♪ I want to break free ♪
12
00:00:44,127 --> 00:00:44,960
[sighs]
13
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{\an8}Ah, the joy of a completed to-do list.
14
00:00:47,881 --> 00:00:50,716
{\an8}Shall we celebrate by cracking open
an amontillado?
15
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{\an8}Uh, sir, you had that cask of amontillado
walled off two days ago,
16
00:00:54,637 --> 00:00:55,804
{\an8}along with the salesman.
17
00:00:55,805 --> 00:00:56,889
{\an8}[knocking]
18
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{\an8}Are you still considering
the cask of the month club?
19
00:00:59,976 --> 00:01:02,227
{\an8}After three months, it pays for itself.
20
00:01:02,228 --> 00:01:04,104
{\an8}I'm thinking about it.
21
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{\an8}Anyway, Smithers, a tasting.
22
00:01:06,775 --> 00:01:09,319
{\an8}What about this 1945 bordeaux?
23
00:01:10,653 --> 00:01:13,405
{\an8}[chuckles] Yes.
That could give my palate a little party.
24
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{\an8}Palate, have at it.
25
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{\an8}- Ooh. How I miss extra-venous fluids.
- [swishing]
26
00:01:19,204 --> 00:01:22,081
{\an8}Mmm. You're getting notes
of cigar smoke, saffron.
27
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{\an8}- Oh, sandalwood.
- Yes, yes. All of those.
28
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{\an8}[slurps] And cupcake frosting
from a child's birthday party
29
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{\an8}with notes of petting zoo on the finish.
30
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{\an8}Ooh. I'm getting a little tipsy.
31
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{\an8}Make sure you take two aspirin and
drink plenty of water before I go to bed.
32
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{\an8}[Lenny whimpers]
33
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{\an8}What is it? What do you hear, boy?
34
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{\an8}Dress shoes on linoleum. It's Smithers.
35
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{\an8}Whenever he comes down here, he wants
someone to stay late and do extra work.
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[whimpering]
37
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Homer, it's one taquito.
It's not worth it.
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No snack left behind.
39
00:02:01,746 --> 00:02:03,872
I'll tell your story.
40
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[microwave dings]
41
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Simpson, come with me.
42
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- [groans] Can I bring my taquito?
- No.
43
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Mr. Burns wants to impress his wine club,
so he paid a million dollars
44
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for a very special bottle of
Gevrey-Chambertin once owned by Napoleon.
45
00:02:20,348 --> 00:02:23,977
Whoa. Just like the laundry pods
they lock up at the Kwik-E-Mart.
46
00:02:26,187 --> 00:02:27,479
[Homer] Wow.
47
00:02:27,480 --> 00:02:29,648
Turns out Napoleon fought
the Battle of Austerlitz
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00:02:29,649 --> 00:02:33,068
just because he'd heard there was
an extraordinary bottle of red there.
49
00:02:33,069 --> 00:02:36,655
And you need my expert skills
to keep watch over it.
50
00:02:36,656 --> 00:02:39,741
No, I need you to ride in the back with it
as a human airbag.
51
00:02:39,742 --> 00:02:41,326
Ooh. "Human."
52
00:02:41,327 --> 00:02:42,744
[phone rings]
53
00:02:42,745 --> 00:02:45,581
Smithers, I coughed up my Adam's apple.
54
00:02:45,582 --> 00:02:48,167
Not again. I'm on my way, sir.
55
00:02:48,168 --> 00:02:52,171
Simpson, I need you to bring the Napoleon
wine directly to Mr. Burns's mansion.
56
00:02:52,172 --> 00:02:56,008
This is the most important job
you've ever done in your entire life.
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I'm glad to have earned your trust.
58
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If there were anyone else on Earth
I could ask, I would.
59
00:03:00,972 --> 00:03:02,055
Thank you.
60
00:03:02,056 --> 00:03:05,018
[Mr. Burns] Hurry, Smithers.
Now ants are circling it.
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00:03:06,603 --> 00:03:09,146
Okay, just get the bottle back
to Mr. Burns.
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00:03:09,147 --> 00:03:11,149
First, select the least bumpy route.
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00:03:12,483 --> 00:03:14,401
[shrieks] Where did it go? [gasps]
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And now it is my great honor
to christen this ship.
65
00:03:19,449 --> 00:03:21,325
- [grunts]
- Well, I never--
66
00:03:21,326 --> 00:03:23,912
No, wait, this did happen once before.
67
00:03:26,956 --> 00:03:28,374
Mazel tov!
68
00:03:29,042 --> 00:03:30,210
[grunts] Ow.
69
00:03:38,801 --> 00:03:39,635
[stammers]
70
00:03:39,636 --> 00:03:40,720
[sighs]
71
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[grunts]
72
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[guns pumping]
73
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[triggers cocking]
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- [grunting]
- [pellets clattering]
75
00:03:57,570 --> 00:04:00,822
Oh, man, I'm so far
from Mr. Burns's mansion.
76
00:04:00,823 --> 00:04:02,074
Where even am I?
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00:04:02,075 --> 00:04:04,911
I'll give you a hint, dumbass.
You live here.
78
00:04:05,578 --> 00:04:06,579
Give me another hint.
79
00:04:07,080 --> 00:04:09,373
Okay, Homer. You've got
a million-dollar bottle of wine.
80
00:04:09,374 --> 00:04:11,333
For once in your life, don't be stupid.
81
00:04:11,334 --> 00:04:13,211
Put it somewhere safe.
82
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Safe, safe...
83
00:04:15,588 --> 00:04:17,423
Wait, a safe.
84
00:04:22,428 --> 00:04:26,556
Safe. So this is what being smart
feels like. [chuckles]
85
00:04:26,557 --> 00:04:30,143
I'll reward myself with
a quick garage nap in the car--
86
00:04:30,144 --> 00:04:32,647
I'll just turn it on to keep warm.
87
00:04:33,147 --> 00:04:35,774
No, staying smart.
88
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[snores]
89
00:04:37,527 --> 00:04:40,696
Huh? What-- Oh, no.
I need to get to Burns's mansion.
90
00:04:40,697 --> 00:04:42,030
You're exhausted.
91
00:04:42,031 --> 00:04:44,283
At least eat dinner before you go.
92
00:04:44,284 --> 00:04:47,202
Mmm. This is the best stew ever.
93
00:04:47,203 --> 00:04:48,495
Oh, it's nothing special.
94
00:04:48,496 --> 00:04:51,623
Just beef, carrots, onions,
garlic, and bay leaves.
95
00:04:51,624 --> 00:04:52,958
Well, it's delicious.
96
00:04:52,959 --> 00:04:54,127
Oh, and some wine.
97
00:04:54,961 --> 00:04:56,795
What kind of wine?
98
00:04:56,796 --> 00:05:01,301
I didn't wanna use the good $9 bottle,
so I just used this old one.
99
00:05:01,801 --> 00:05:03,593
[shrieks]
100
00:05:03,594 --> 00:05:08,349
How? No, no. I was smart.
I was smart. So smart.
101
00:05:10,351 --> 00:05:13,521
What? I don't understand.
It's still locked.
102
00:05:16,399 --> 00:05:17,482
- [Homer] Huh?
- Hey, Homer.
103
00:05:17,483 --> 00:05:19,484
{\an8}What the hell kind of safe is this?
104
00:05:19,485 --> 00:05:21,945
{\an8}Remember? You punched a hole in the wall
105
00:05:21,946 --> 00:05:24,656
{\an8}when Major League Baseball
added the pitch clock.
106
00:05:24,657 --> 00:05:27,659
{\an8}I like my sports slow, and they knew that.
107
00:05:27,660 --> 00:05:29,244
Marge, you don't understand.
108
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That wine you used in the stew
was Burns's wine.
109
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It cost a million dollars.
110
00:05:35,251 --> 00:05:38,420
Oh, no. No. No, no, no, no, no.
111
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A million dollars?
112
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A million dollars.
113
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I don't want stew. I want mac and cheese.
114
00:05:45,386 --> 00:05:47,722
- Eat your million-dollar stew!
- [Bart grunts]
115
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[Bart gags]
116
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You used all of the million-dollar wine?
117
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It's what the recipe calls for.
118
00:05:58,399 --> 00:06:00,484
You should have written
your name on the bottle.
119
00:06:00,485 --> 00:06:03,362
Like I do with that special tea
that makes me regular.
120
00:06:03,363 --> 00:06:06,865
Regular? You didn't go the whole time
we were in the Wisconsin Dells.
121
00:06:06,866 --> 00:06:09,034
That's why I got the tea.
122
00:06:09,035 --> 00:06:11,036
That I label.
123
00:06:11,037 --> 00:06:14,373
Simpson, why haven't you delivered
the bottle to Mr. Burns's mansion?
124
00:06:14,374 --> 00:06:17,877
Before I answer that,
try some of this delicious stew.
125
00:06:19,379 --> 00:06:21,880
Mmm. The onions, the garlic,
126
00:06:21,881 --> 00:06:24,341
the red wine from the 19th century.
127
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[groans, screams]
128
00:06:27,220 --> 00:06:28,678
It's not what you think.
129
00:06:28,679 --> 00:06:32,432
Marge cooked the wine into stew.
130
00:06:32,433 --> 00:06:34,727
Stew that we ate.
131
00:06:35,812 --> 00:06:39,606
Uh, if you need to strangle the boy
for a minute, that's what he's here for.
132
00:06:39,607 --> 00:06:41,316
Eh. It's what I bring to the table.
133
00:06:41,317 --> 00:06:45,278
Oh, God, this is going to take Mr. Burns
to a horrifying level of fury.
134
00:06:45,279 --> 00:06:47,531
He built this lumber mill just to kill us.
135
00:06:47,532 --> 00:06:49,574
[Homer chuckles] Oh, that explains it.
136
00:06:49,575 --> 00:06:53,453
Waylon, Homer really did try
to keep it safe.
137
00:06:53,454 --> 00:06:55,330
This is all my fault.
138
00:06:55,331 --> 00:06:58,459
I can't believe I was undone
by Marge Simpson.
139
00:06:58,960 --> 00:07:00,545
- [sobs]
- [Marge sighs]
140
00:07:01,045 --> 00:07:02,713
Mmm. Hmm?
141
00:07:04,590 --> 00:07:09,636
Okay, I know things look kind of bad,
but there is a way out of this.
142
00:07:09,637 --> 00:07:12,889
This isn't "kind of bad."
This is a catastrophe.
143
00:07:12,890 --> 00:07:16,726
If I may, for you,
catastrophe is a new thing,
144
00:07:16,727 --> 00:07:19,980
but for me,
it's just another day at the office.
145
00:07:19,981 --> 00:07:22,691
What the hell are you talking about,
you incompetent nitwit?
146
00:07:22,692 --> 00:07:24,901
[chuckles]
Oh, Smithers, Smithers, Smithers.
147
00:07:24,902 --> 00:07:26,069
Let me explain.
148
00:07:26,070 --> 00:07:27,405
Maggie, my note?
149
00:07:28,531 --> 00:07:32,868
♪ In the course of my long life
I've learned a golden rule ♪
150
00:07:32,869 --> 00:07:36,956
♪ To escape the blame and avoid the shame
When I've been an utter fool ♪
151
00:07:37,623 --> 00:07:40,042
♪ I simply cover it up ♪
152
00:07:41,294 --> 00:07:43,420
- Cover it up?
- Cover it up?
153
00:07:43,421 --> 00:07:45,380
♪ Cover it up, cover it up ♪
154
00:07:45,381 --> 00:07:47,632
♪ Lost her wedding ring one winter ♪
155
00:07:47,633 --> 00:07:49,509
♪ Cover it up, cover it up ♪
156
00:07:49,510 --> 00:07:53,763
♪ Made one with a 3D printer
Cover it up, cover it up ♪
157
00:07:53,764 --> 00:07:55,974
♪ I cut down Flanders's cherry tree ♪
158
00:07:55,975 --> 00:07:57,726
♪ And then did tell a lie ♪
159
00:07:57,727 --> 00:08:02,689
♪ I blamed it on some teens
Who were wedgying this guy ♪
160
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Neck high.
161
00:08:04,066 --> 00:08:06,151
- Cover it up.
- Cover it up.
162
00:08:06,152 --> 00:08:10,155
{\an8}♪ I can't recall the lyrics
To the verse I'm singing now ♪
163
00:08:10,156 --> 00:08:12,324
♪ Who cares?
I'll make some new words up ♪
164
00:08:12,325 --> 00:08:16,995
{\an8}♪ Shmer boo la tee na fow ♪
165
00:08:16,996 --> 00:08:18,872
I love you, Spingfield!
166
00:08:18,873 --> 00:08:23,127
♪ Trick the red light camera
When you're rushing to get home ♪
167
00:08:23,711 --> 00:08:27,547
♪ Forgot to bring a doggy bag?
Just use a garden gnome ♪
168
00:08:27,548 --> 00:08:31,801
♪ I've caused so many meltdowns
So I used my little fix ♪
169
00:08:31,802 --> 00:08:33,845
We know you caused those meltdowns.
170
00:08:33,846 --> 00:08:36,139
No, you only knew of six.
171
00:08:36,140 --> 00:08:39,267
- ♪ Let's fix my wife's-- not my-- mistake ♪
- ♪ Cover it up ♪
172
00:08:39,268 --> 00:08:41,686
♪ And fill this fancy jug with fake ♪
173
00:08:41,687 --> 00:08:42,771
♪ Cover it up ♪
174
00:08:42,772 --> 00:08:44,523
♪ Make a whoo-hoo out of a d'oh ♪
175
00:08:44,524 --> 00:08:45,815
♪ Just cover it up ♪
176
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♪ Cover it up
And they'll never even know ♪
177
00:08:51,113 --> 00:08:52,490
[all] Cover it up!
178
00:08:54,951 --> 00:08:59,704
[sighs] I can't resist a musical number
that advances the plot. I'm in.
179
00:08:59,705 --> 00:09:01,665
But how do we cover this up?
180
00:09:01,666 --> 00:09:03,083
It's not gonna be easy.
181
00:09:03,084 --> 00:09:05,377
Mr. Burns is planning to pour
the Napoleon wine
182
00:09:05,378 --> 00:09:08,672
for some of the most discerning
wine connoisseurs in the world.
183
00:09:08,673 --> 00:09:11,466
You know,
wine is basically just chemistry.
184
00:09:11,467 --> 00:09:15,638
Maybe you need someone who knows
all about the chemistry of alcohol.
185
00:09:17,515 --> 00:09:19,183
Wine's the red one, right?
186
00:09:19,809 --> 00:09:23,728
Well, I understand your dilemma, but I am
right in the middle of an experiment
187
00:09:23,729 --> 00:09:27,315
to develop the proverbial
six-pack abdominals.
188
00:09:27,316 --> 00:09:28,733
[electricity crackles]
189
00:09:28,734 --> 00:09:29,651
[both gasp]
190
00:09:29,652 --> 00:09:31,987
I know, but it's what the ladies want.
191
00:09:31,988 --> 00:09:34,781
Mmm. I think they just want
someone who listens.
192
00:09:34,782 --> 00:09:37,158
Well, I don't have a contraption for that.
193
00:09:37,159 --> 00:09:41,496
Professor, maybe if
I rephrased it like this.
194
00:09:41,497 --> 00:09:42,414
♪ Cover it up ♪
195
00:09:42,415 --> 00:09:43,499
Flavin!
196
00:09:46,252 --> 00:09:51,840
Uh, well, based on my analysis of the last
drops of the stew-ified Napoleon wine,
197
00:09:51,841 --> 00:09:55,302
I've created a replica
out of diammonium phosphate,
198
00:09:55,303 --> 00:10:00,182
calcium carbonate,
and 14 ccs of Manischewitz.
199
00:10:00,850 --> 00:10:01,683
[sniffs]
200
00:10:01,684 --> 00:10:02,934
[slurps, swishes]
201
00:10:02,935 --> 00:10:05,645
Mmm. That's... [stutters] That's amazing.
202
00:10:05,646 --> 00:10:06,938
So we did it?
203
00:10:06,939 --> 00:10:08,023
We did it.
204
00:10:08,024 --> 00:10:10,275
[stammers] I did it, yes.
205
00:10:10,276 --> 00:10:14,863
And now, just to ensure I've removed
the radioactive isotope
206
00:10:14,864 --> 00:10:18,534
found in all wines made after
the dawn of the nuclear age.
207
00:10:20,286 --> 00:10:21,286
Perfect.
208
00:10:21,287 --> 00:10:22,621
[Geiger counter clicks]
209
00:10:22,622 --> 00:10:23,747
[clicking intensifies]
210
00:10:23,748 --> 00:10:24,664
[clicking stops]
211
00:10:24,665 --> 00:10:27,459
- [clicking]
- Uh, should I be worried about that?
212
00:10:27,460 --> 00:10:29,419
Are you planning on having children?
213
00:10:29,420 --> 00:10:31,296
I never planned any of my children.
214
00:10:31,297 --> 00:10:33,382
[stammers] Well, it is what it is.
215
00:10:34,800 --> 00:10:37,218
I call to order this meeting
with our credo:
216
00:10:37,219 --> 00:10:41,389
never drink something younger
or date something older than you.
217
00:10:41,390 --> 00:10:43,058
[all] To pointless excess.
218
00:10:43,059 --> 00:10:44,476
And now, the main event.
219
00:10:44,477 --> 00:10:47,479
A bottle of wine once held
by Napoleon himself.
220
00:10:47,480 --> 00:10:50,148
So raise a glass and bend an Elba.
221
00:10:50,149 --> 00:10:51,900
[laughing]
222
00:10:51,901 --> 00:10:54,445
Smithers, release the cork.
223
00:10:57,073 --> 00:10:58,365
Moment of truth.
224
00:10:58,366 --> 00:11:02,036
You know, our marriage really
could use fewer moments of truth.
225
00:11:03,871 --> 00:11:06,916
Now, that's million-buck Chuck.
226
00:11:07,917 --> 00:11:11,670
Complex with a hint of
doi-oi-oi-oi-oi-oing!
227
00:11:11,671 --> 00:11:14,130
- [sipping, slurping]
- Mmm.
228
00:11:14,131 --> 00:11:16,174
The cover-up worked.
229
00:11:16,175 --> 00:11:19,302
And tonight, we'll have cover-up sex.
230
00:11:19,303 --> 00:11:21,763
Oh. It'll be my first.
231
00:11:21,764 --> 00:11:23,015
[chuckles] No, it won't.
232
00:11:25,226 --> 00:11:27,644
I can't believe we pulled that off.
233
00:11:27,645 --> 00:11:30,355
I feel a little guilty
and a little scared,
234
00:11:30,356 --> 00:11:33,483
like the first time I fast-forwarded
through a commercial.
235
00:11:33,484 --> 00:11:34,734
Don't feel bad.
236
00:11:34,735 --> 00:11:36,903
With the money those billionaires
spend on one bottle,
237
00:11:36,904 --> 00:11:38,697
they could buy every poor person
in the world
238
00:11:38,698 --> 00:11:41,241
an inexpensive but very drinkable rosé.
239
00:11:41,242 --> 00:11:43,410
Those monsters.
240
00:11:43,411 --> 00:11:44,494
They are.
241
00:11:44,495 --> 00:11:46,037
And I do their bidding.
242
00:11:46,038 --> 00:11:48,123
[cries]
243
00:11:48,124 --> 00:11:51,042
I'm just as bad, if not worse,
because I know better.
244
00:11:51,043 --> 00:11:53,086
I'm even starting to look like Mr. Burns.
245
00:11:53,087 --> 00:11:54,255
Hump!
246
00:11:55,423 --> 00:11:59,008
Sometimes I feel like I've only got
this much soul left.
247
00:11:59,009 --> 00:12:00,176
Don't worry, Waylon.
248
00:12:00,177 --> 00:12:02,512
There's plenty of soul
where that came from.
249
00:12:02,513 --> 00:12:07,267
{\an8}You know, we've still got
a lot of this Frinky drinky.
250
00:12:07,268 --> 00:12:13,189
{\an8}Think how many wrongs we could right if we
sold just one more million-dollar bottle.
251
00:12:13,190 --> 00:12:15,442
{\an8}Are you slurring
what I think you're slurring?
252
00:12:15,443 --> 00:12:16,526
Yes.
253
00:12:16,527 --> 00:12:20,280
What if we sell fake wine to the rich
to give to the poor?
254
00:12:20,281 --> 00:12:21,949
Like Robin Hood.
255
00:12:35,379 --> 00:12:36,547
[snoring]
256
00:12:41,385 --> 00:12:42,594
Hmm? [grunts]
257
00:12:42,595 --> 00:12:44,138
[exclaims]
258
00:12:44,889 --> 00:12:45,973
[mutters]
259
00:12:46,682 --> 00:12:47,767
[grunts]
260
00:12:58,527 --> 00:13:00,570
I'm cleansing my soul.
261
00:13:00,571 --> 00:13:02,406
And I'm getting out of the house.
262
00:13:02,907 --> 00:13:04,116
[gavel strikes]
263
00:13:05,493 --> 00:13:07,660
[bidders murmuring]
264
00:13:07,661 --> 00:13:08,661
We're doing this.
265
00:13:08,662 --> 00:13:11,748
We're actually going to Robin Hood
a bottle of fake wine.
266
00:13:11,749 --> 00:13:14,834
Look at all
these mega-rich wine connoisseurs.
267
00:13:14,835 --> 00:13:18,338
I've never seen so many people
not wearing baseball caps.
268
00:13:18,339 --> 00:13:20,840
That's Jim Sprawlton,
from the Sprawl-Mart fortune.
269
00:13:20,841 --> 00:13:23,676
And from Sam's Club,
there's Marcus Club himself.
270
00:13:23,677 --> 00:13:24,761
Oh.
271
00:13:24,762 --> 00:13:28,932
I can ask him to bring back Marcus's
Choice Cinnamon Apple Dryer Sheets.
272
00:13:28,933 --> 00:13:31,768
There's Francis Ford Coppola
and Andrew Lloyd Webber,
273
00:13:31,769 --> 00:13:34,646
the most surprisingly straight
wine collector in the world.
274
00:13:34,647 --> 00:13:38,900
And he's next to Robert Parker, who
invented the 100-point wine ranking scale.
275
00:13:38,901 --> 00:13:42,862
I will buy this Napoleon wine with
the money from the music that I write.
276
00:13:42,863 --> 00:13:45,824
The money from "The Music of the Night."
277
00:13:45,825 --> 00:13:48,369
I rate this conversation a 36.
278
00:13:48,869 --> 00:13:52,330
{\an8}Next up is the last known wine
owned by Napoleon,
279
00:13:52,331 --> 00:13:54,666
{\an8}offered for sale by an anonymous owner.
280
00:13:54,667 --> 00:13:55,875
{\an8}I open the bidding at--
281
00:13:55,876 --> 00:13:58,169
One million dollars.
282
00:13:58,170 --> 00:13:59,671
1.5 million.
283
00:13:59,672 --> 00:14:02,507
Wh-- I'm sorry,
I have a call from my accountant.
284
00:14:02,508 --> 00:14:04,300
Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.
285
00:14:04,301 --> 00:14:05,385
I bid nothing.
286
00:14:05,386 --> 00:14:07,512
Uh, 1.5 million.
287
00:14:07,513 --> 00:14:08,638
Two million.
288
00:14:08,639 --> 00:14:09,889
Two million?
289
00:14:09,890 --> 00:14:12,141
That's, like, 20,000 100's.
290
00:14:12,142 --> 00:14:14,394
{\an8}Going once. Going twice. Sold.
291
00:14:14,395 --> 00:14:16,479
- [gasps]
- [gasps] Ah!
292
00:14:16,480 --> 00:14:19,440
Slowly, deftly, losing shall caress you.
293
00:14:19,441 --> 00:14:23,027
Hear it, feel it, secretly depress you.
294
00:14:23,028 --> 00:14:24,737
You did Cats, right?
295
00:14:24,738 --> 00:14:26,489
What the hell was that?
296
00:14:26,490 --> 00:14:28,492
And why do I love it?
297
00:14:29,243 --> 00:14:30,660
We did it.
298
00:14:30,661 --> 00:14:34,247
This money is going to right
so many wrongs.
299
00:14:34,248 --> 00:14:38,167
Thank you, Marge. For the first time
in my life, I feel free.
300
00:14:38,168 --> 00:14:39,253
[guns cocking]
301
00:14:40,546 --> 00:14:44,633
You are under arrest for
the high crime of wine forgery.
302
00:14:50,639 --> 00:14:51,640
[whip cracking]
303
00:14:58,272 --> 00:15:00,481
You will be housed here in wine jail
304
00:15:00,482 --> 00:15:03,401
while you await your trial
in Springfield Wine Court.
305
00:15:03,402 --> 00:15:04,360
Wine court?
306
00:15:04,361 --> 00:15:09,198
Yes, wine crimes are too sophisticated for
the undeveloped legal palate
307
00:15:09,199 --> 00:15:10,450
of the American system.
308
00:15:10,451 --> 00:15:13,995
She sold a champagne that
was actually a prosecco.
309
00:15:13,996 --> 00:15:18,541
He called his wine a Beaujolais nouveau,
but there was nothing nouveau about it.
310
00:15:18,542 --> 00:15:21,794
And he's in solitary
for his own protection.
311
00:15:21,795 --> 00:15:25,298
We don't take kindly to oenophiles here.
312
00:15:25,299 --> 00:15:29,802
And here is where we house
our worst offenders, wine counterfeiters.
313
00:15:29,803 --> 00:15:32,639
Come back later to try our toilet wine.
314
00:15:32,640 --> 00:15:36,393
We are trying to recreate
a 1974 San Quentin.
315
00:15:40,648 --> 00:15:41,649
Here's your cell.
316
00:15:42,149 --> 00:15:44,233
Does the gentleman find it suitable?
317
00:15:44,234 --> 00:15:46,737
Why do they always ask the man?
318
00:15:48,989 --> 00:15:53,493
Oh, Homie, Homie, I don't know how
to tell you this, but I'm in jail.
319
00:15:53,494 --> 00:15:54,911
[scoffs] Marge in jail?
320
00:15:54,912 --> 00:15:56,079
Please.
321
00:15:56,080 --> 00:15:59,499
This is like that phone scam
I almost fell for last month.
322
00:15:59,500 --> 00:16:00,875
That was really me.
323
00:16:00,876 --> 00:16:04,504
I had to walk home from the airport
because you wouldn't believe me.
324
00:16:04,505 --> 00:16:06,839
Then this is Marge. You're in jail?
325
00:16:06,840 --> 00:16:08,007
[cries] Yes.
326
00:16:08,008 --> 00:16:11,552
Waylon and I faked
and sold another Napoleon wine.
327
00:16:11,553 --> 00:16:13,304
Well, this is crazy.
328
00:16:13,305 --> 00:16:19,018
You're in jail for booze,
and I'm at home watching the kids.
329
00:16:19,019 --> 00:16:20,311
Time's up.
330
00:16:20,312 --> 00:16:23,272
[whimpers] I've got to go.
I miss you all so much.
331
00:16:23,273 --> 00:16:24,482
I love you.
332
00:16:24,483 --> 00:16:25,566
[belches]
333
00:16:25,567 --> 00:16:28,612
Oh. Mommy loves you too, Maggie.
334
00:16:35,077 --> 00:16:38,621
Wine court is modeled after
the quirky French legal system.
335
00:16:38,622 --> 00:16:43,543
It's based on every defendant's right
to a certain, mmm, je ne sais quoi.
336
00:16:43,544 --> 00:16:45,753
How do you know about all this?
337
00:16:45,754 --> 00:16:49,173
Oh. Wine Court TV plays
all day in most gay bars.
338
00:16:49,174 --> 00:16:52,593
Your Honor,
this is a case of shocking fraud
339
00:16:52,594 --> 00:16:55,179
perpetrated by the worst kind of scammers.
340
00:16:55,180 --> 00:16:58,808
Do we seriously believe that a wine
owned by Napoleon
341
00:16:58,809 --> 00:17:02,271
was found by an executive assistant
and a homemaker?
342
00:17:02,855 --> 00:17:05,857
They're simple, ignorant philistines.
343
00:17:05,858 --> 00:17:09,694
Mrs. Simpson, please tell the court
your recipe for sangria.
344
00:17:09,695 --> 00:17:13,407
Two parts Duff Wine Cooler
to one part grape popsicle.
345
00:17:14,116 --> 00:17:15,116
[gasp]
346
00:17:15,117 --> 00:17:18,370
Oh, no, Marge, you stupid lady.
347
00:17:19,288 --> 00:17:21,706
Homie, I might be going to jail for years.
348
00:17:21,707 --> 00:17:24,333
Promise me
you'll take good care of the kids.
349
00:17:24,334 --> 00:17:27,755
Honey, you know I can't make that promise.
350
00:17:31,717 --> 00:17:34,720
I wonder if Homer
is looking at the same moon.
351
00:17:38,265 --> 00:17:39,098
[shatters]
352
00:17:39,099 --> 00:17:43,853
Marge was always here...
[cries] ...to dry and put away.
353
00:17:43,854 --> 00:17:44,771
[shatters]
354
00:17:44,772 --> 00:17:47,190
This is all my fault!
355
00:17:47,191 --> 00:17:51,194
♪ They covered it up
They covered it up ♪
356
00:17:51,195 --> 00:17:54,238
♪ And I lost my sweet and loving wife ♪
357
00:17:54,239 --> 00:17:55,156
Wait, what?
358
00:17:55,157 --> 00:17:59,368
♪ I can't cover it up, can't cover it up ♪
359
00:17:59,369 --> 00:18:04,123
♪ She might do 20 years to life ♪
360
00:18:04,124 --> 00:18:06,960
You said Mom was in Santa Barbara
with friends.
361
00:18:07,544 --> 00:18:10,129
Kids, your mom's not in Santa Barbara.
362
00:18:10,130 --> 00:18:11,464
She's in wine jail.
363
00:18:11,465 --> 00:18:14,217
There's no such thing as Santa Barbara.
364
00:18:14,218 --> 00:18:17,220
Dad, you've gotta find a way
to get Mom out of jail.
365
00:18:17,221 --> 00:18:20,389
You've gotta cover this up.
It's the only thing you're good at.
366
00:18:20,390 --> 00:18:23,601
No. The only thing I'm good at is nothing.
367
00:18:23,602 --> 00:18:26,313
I will never cover up again.
368
00:18:29,483 --> 00:18:33,069
Ladies, gentlemen,
and bored-looking cat in a turtleneck.
369
00:18:33,070 --> 00:18:34,987
[purrs]
370
00:18:34,988 --> 00:18:39,200
The wine we're accused of faking
tastes exactly like the real thing.
371
00:18:39,201 --> 00:18:43,079
So, if no one can tell the difference,
how is that a crime?
372
00:18:43,080 --> 00:18:44,997
- [all murmur]
- She's got a point.
373
00:18:44,998 --> 00:18:47,876
Your Honor, this is a case with legs.
374
00:18:48,377 --> 00:18:51,337
Pun intended on "legs," but not on "case."
375
00:18:51,338 --> 00:18:54,006
Wine is much more than a beverage.
376
00:18:54,007 --> 00:18:57,093
For centuries, it has told
the story of civilization.
377
00:18:57,094 --> 00:19:00,263
Whenever something is that rare,
unique and beautiful,
378
00:19:00,264 --> 00:19:04,058
it is attacked by greed
and fraud at every turn.
379
00:19:04,059 --> 00:19:06,644
Thus it is our responsibility
380
00:19:06,645 --> 00:19:12,441
to ensure that this jewel of our society
keeps its integrity intact.
381
00:19:12,442 --> 00:19:13,652
[meows]
382
00:19:14,153 --> 00:19:15,903
I have reached a decision.
383
00:19:15,904 --> 00:19:17,155
[sighs]
384
00:19:17,156 --> 00:19:18,239
[Maggie sucking pacifier]
385
00:19:18,240 --> 00:19:22,703
I declare the fake wine
in question to be real.
386
00:19:23,203 --> 00:19:24,412
Case dismissed.
387
00:19:24,413 --> 00:19:25,330
[all gasp]
388
00:19:30,169 --> 00:19:31,544
I don't know what just happened.
389
00:19:31,545 --> 00:19:33,421
Oh, allow me to explain.
390
00:19:33,422 --> 00:19:36,383
I bought something more valuable
than any bottle of wine,
391
00:19:36,884 --> 00:19:39,343
- the judge.
- You bribed her to save us?
392
00:19:39,344 --> 00:19:43,097
[chuckles] I wasn't saving you, Smithers,
and, uh, your wife.
393
00:19:43,098 --> 00:19:44,348
I was protecting the myth
394
00:19:44,349 --> 00:19:47,518
that the possessions of the
obscenely wealthy are remotely worth it.
395
00:19:47,519 --> 00:19:51,689
If that bottle was exposed as fake,
skeptical eyes might look to fine art,
396
00:19:51,690 --> 00:19:55,026
such as my Vermeer,
Girl with a Pearl Nose Ring.
397
00:19:55,027 --> 00:19:57,696
Or my Bible signed by Jesus.
398
00:19:58,197 --> 00:20:02,283
And it's all thanks to this fine fellow
who alerted me to your predicament.
399
00:20:02,284 --> 00:20:04,535
- Homer, you--
- Covered it up.
400
00:20:04,536 --> 00:20:08,122
But, Dad, you said you were
never gonna cover up again.
401
00:20:08,123 --> 00:20:11,292
Well, I tried not to,
but covering up is all I know.
402
00:20:11,293 --> 00:20:13,711
So I went to the king of cover-ups.
403
00:20:13,712 --> 00:20:18,090
Who do you think hid all that
nuclear waste under Denver's airport?
404
00:20:18,091 --> 00:20:20,552
- This guy.
- Oh, you.
405
00:20:23,513 --> 00:20:25,848
Great. We were saved by an evil deed
406
00:20:25,849 --> 00:20:29,185
from the man whose evil deeds
we were trying to un-evil.
407
00:20:29,186 --> 00:20:34,565
But, Waylon, our whole drunken plan
was to use bad money to do good things.
408
00:20:34,566 --> 00:20:36,318
{\an8}And now we can.
409
00:20:36,818 --> 00:20:39,111
- Robin Hood?
- Robin Hood.
410
00:20:39,112 --> 00:20:40,571
[spine cracking]
411
00:20:40,572 --> 00:20:42,740
♪ 'Cause I'm having a good time ♪
412
00:20:42,741 --> 00:20:43,741
♪ Don't stop me ♪
413
00:20:43,742 --> 00:20:45,660
♪ Yes, I'm having a good time ♪
414
00:20:45,661 --> 00:20:50,122
♪ I don't wanna stop at all, yeah ♪
415
00:20:50,123 --> 00:20:54,543
♪ I'm a rocket ship on my way to Mars
On a collision course ♪
416
00:20:54,544 --> 00:20:57,546
♪ I am a satellite, I'm out of control ♪
417
00:20:57,547 --> 00:21:02,176
♪ I'm a sex machine
Ready to reload like an atom bomb ♪
418
00:21:02,177 --> 00:21:06,681
♪ About to oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, explode ♪
419
00:21:06,682 --> 00:21:10,143
♪ I'm burning through the sky, yeah ♪
420
00:21:53,312 --> 00:21:54,146
Shh.
31045
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