Original subtitles

We have a large staff here

and there's lots of comings and goings.

You have to be very careful when it comes to personal property.

I have a I-don't-touch-yours- you-don't-touch-mine policy.

The staff, they do tend to borrow

um, your mugs, your Tupperware containers,

and suddenly they become theirs and not yours.

And you'll have an awkward moment where you say

"That's my plunger."

And you know,

- difficulty arises there. - We're putting up a poster.

I'm also fairly known for my signs.

I use signs around the kitchen

just to get my message across.

Nothing drives me crazier than a messy kitchen.

It's just a little visual reminder

and it seems to work.

One of our staff... cancer.

Might as well put it to bed. She's been dead for ages.

I think it's really about finding a balance.

It's "Yes, I want to work with you guys,

but I don't want you eating my food.

- I don't want to live in your filth." - Sorry.

- Don't look. Pretend we're talking. - Here she comes.

- Miss, stop the car, miss! - Miss, stop the car, miss!

Miss, you ran over fucking Jonah!

- Miss, look what you done! - Look.

- Miss, you killed him! - Are you all right?

Miss, call an ambulance!

- Jonah, get up! - Ha, miss!

You got "Punk'd"! We punk'd you!

You boys will all be seeing Miss Murray today.

And this is not funny! Now get out of the way!

It's a joke, miss. Can't you take a joke?

You got your period or what, miss?

Get out of the way!

That was one of our best ever, boys.

Watch out, miss!

I'm really nervous this morning,

'cause it's my actual first day.

And so like last night I couldn't sleep,

I woke up this morning and I forgot to feed the guinea pig.

I got here and Mr. Cameron showed me around.

He's so hot for a teacher.

- Thank you. - They set me up with this girl Ashley,

and she's supposed to, like, take me to classes

and introduce me to her friends and stuff.

And seriously, like, I don't want to be a bitch,

but she's like the fugliest girl I've ever met in my life.

The lockers here are so cute.

- You reckon? - They're so small.

So is there much theft around here

- 'cause it's a public school? - Theft? No, not much.

- Oh my God. - This is it.

Wow. So it's just like...

it's so basic. Oh my God, the guys are so hot.

They're so multicultural.

Hi.

Oh, you've got wheelchair people. That's so cute.

Oh my God, I love disabled people.

- Ah. - We don't have them at our school.

We've got like one burns victim,

but like we don't have any mentally-retarded people.

Yeah, just introduce me to everyone.

- Okay. - I'm freaking out.

Well, it's been an incredible morning.

Margaret called me into her office this morning

and the news has been life-changing, to say the least.

Meredith Cotton's mother has suddenly fallen very ill,

and she's had to jump on a plane

and go straight off to New Zealand.

Now in the meantime,

Greg will be acting Head of Drama.

The news is out of this world.

As of today, I am Head of Drama,

and it feels amazing.

And the Zone Aths are on again, so...

thanks very much for your time.

And just... just before you go,

can I just mention to everyone that Margaret and I

have discussed that instead of "Head of Drama,"

I will be now known as the "Director of Performing Arts."

So any... any paperwork

or issues...

that will be my new title. So thank you, Margaret,

and thanks, everyone. Let's go. Cool.

- I know, I know. - Fantastic!

I wanted to tell you as soon as I heard.

- I can't... - Bloody brilliant.

I know. Yes!

- Absolutely fantastic. - Yes yes!

- Bloody hell, yes. - It's just what you need.

Let's go back to the office.

My breasts would've been bigger,

but I had an eating disorder in year eight, so they didn't develop properly.

Ooh, so...

I don't want to be a bitch, but you guys are really boring.

Oh.

...the page, the extension questions, okay?

In addition to the other ones.

Oh, look, it's the Islander boys.

Late again. Why is it always you lot?

My leg hurts, miss. It took me ages to get here.

Jonah, it was the other leg yesterday.

- Could you make up your mind? - Bullshit! It wasn't.

Ask him if you don't believe me. I hurt it kicking the wall.

People always say I'm disruptive.

- I don't want to sit next to Troy. - Sit next to Troy.

They don't even know that I'm just trying to make things

more fun and more interactive.

Kids in the class don't even care

because they're doing their work and they're concentrating and it's boring.

And all of a sudden they get a joke

and they just get a little break from their work and they get to laugh.

So that's not... if that's being disruptive, then... fuck you.

That's not disruptive, that's entertainment.

I'm just getting the worksheet, miss.

Let me do some work for once.

- Do it quietly, thank you. - I'm doing it quietly.

- There you go, homo. - Don't use... Jonah!

- Do not use that word here, thank you. - Why not?

It's an English word. This is an English class, isn't it?

Jonah now has a contract.

I got Jonah to come up with a list of promises

that he thought he could fulfill

in areas where he felt that he could make an improvement in himself.

So we've got behavioral promises

and academic objectives.

- It works remarkably well. - No no no no no, sit down.

- I'll sit next to Leon and learn more. - Sit over there now.

- Puck you, miss. - Beg your pardon?

I said "puck you," with a "P."

- Don't you even know how to spell? - I know what you meant.

I have to do all the work required in class

and respect all teachers.

I like what you're wearing, miss.

It looks nice on you. Is that from Susan's?

Jonah, what did your contract say about talking in class?

It gives him a boundary. See, he knows

when he's stepped outside of the rules, because he made the rules.

Jonah, cap off. Balls on the ground now.

Okay, miss.

- What are you doing? - You said put my balls on the ground.

- Get off the ground! - My balls are on the ground, miss!

- Stop molesting my arm. - I am not...

It's his own authority that he created.

He's not letting anybody else down except himself.

Excuse me, class. I'm looking for two strong boys for 10 minutes...

Sir, please! Pick me! Pick me, sir, please!

Troy and Cameron.

- Fuck you, sir. - Excuse me, Jonah?

I said "puck you," sir.

Jonah, you're gonna have to go and sit outside Miss Murray's office.

- Why, sir? - You've broken the contract. Well done.

There's no time to be excited.

I've been running around all day trying to organize things.

And I rang Mom at recess and told her and she cracked up with the excitement.

Mmm, I'm Director of Performing Arts.

- Spread it. - I'm busily

emptying out Meredith's office,

getting her crap out of the room.

You've called the office of Mr. G,

the Director of Performing Arts.

Please leave a brief message

- and he'll get right back to you. - Do it again.

You mumbled on "brief message."

New sign.

Rodney made that for me this morning in his free.

Oh, the students are pumped. They are, yeah.

The applause that I got from my year nines this morning...

I just went in. I went "I'm Director of Performing Arts!"

And the applause was just unbelievable.

Junk. Crap.

Useless.

You could use that, couldn't you?

The kids are very excited. They couldn't stand Mrs. Cotton.

I used to say to the kids, "How do you deal with it?"

And the kids would say, "We hate her, Mr. G. She sucks."

Celine, don't wipe your bum on the photo of Meredith.

- Don't wipe your bum on it. - Greg, you're terrible.

All the staff are really excited too.

Everyone's giving me a little...

doing a little of that when I walk up the corridor...

eyebrow raise. Usually they look away.

There's Alannah. Alannah, have you heard the news?

I'm Director of Performing Arts. Spread it around.

Here we go. He's doing his Kermit voice.

He always does this when he's excited.

No, I don't do my Kermit voice, Rodney.

I've got nine years of ideas that have been bottled away,

and I feel like the... you know, the...

the lid's been lifted and I'm gonna explode all over the school.

It's so sunny here. It's like there's no shade or anything.

Mmm.

So who are, like, the really... the hot girls in year 11,

like, the really popular ones?

There's Holly and her friends, but they're bitches.

- Are they mean to you? - Yes.

Can you introduce me to them?

Remember? Except I had it flicked more,

- like, and more scrunched. - Hi.

- Hi. - Hi, I'm Ja'mie.

I'm doing the exchange program from Hillford.

Yeah, we all liked your assembly speech.

- That was really cool. - You're the one that does the modeling.

- Yeah yeah. - Is this your friend?

Um, they set me up with her.

- Ah. - Yeah.

- Yeah. - I like your hair.

Oh, thanks.

- Cool, so you're Holly? - Yeah, I'm Holly.

- Nice to meet you. - It's so cool meeting you.

Like, I was walking around the playground going,

"Are there any decent- looking girls here?"

We so are gonna get along.

In my group at school, I'm like the hottest girl

so I attract all the guys and that.

Yeah, that's gonna be so good for you.

Girls, have you heard? I'm Director of Performing Arts

as of today.

No no, I don't have time for it, Toby.

I don't. Specials are not exempt from detention, okay?

I have no hesitation in busting you. Please let me go.

Go and get that paper over there.

Pick it up.

Paper... go and get it.

Excuse me, girls, can I just pop that in with yours?

Brenda, can I get you to sort and staple those?

We don't normally do this for teachers.

Well, I'm a head of department now, so...

if you want me to take it further, I will. In my pigeonhole, please.

I just wanted to have a word re: The noise coming from the gym.

I'm hearing ballgames from my drama room.

I just wanted to let you know I'll be taking it up with the principal

unless you do something about it. Okay?

Sorry, Stacy, gonna have to jump queue...

head-of-department priority.

How's that? That looks nice. Yum.

Um, okay.

As of today, you guys come under the umbrella

of performing arts, so it's music, dance, drama.

I'm Director of Performing Arts,

so I will now be your superior.

Um, Jeanie, I notice you've got a free between

- recess, lunch Thursday. - Yes.

Can I get you to cover my year nines for that?

- 'Cause I've got a lot on. - Shouldn't you run that by timetabling?

Timetabling do not need to know.

I'm head of department. I can override that, Chris.

And looking for volunteers to cover

my playground duty anytime.

I need some time off. Got lots on.

So hands up if you want to volunteer for that.

Anyone?

Yes. But seriously, do you know, like, the guys that have

- the Mohawk that goes down the back? - Yeah, oh yeah.

- It's really hot at the moment. - That's so cool.

Some of, like, the guys are Eurasian sort of,

like, sort of cross... they are hot.

I try and avoid other cultures at all costs,

- but at this school... - I'm Asian.

Yeah, I know, sorry. No offense to you 'cause you're a hot Asian.

There are so many ugly annoying Asians at my school.

- Are you single? - Single, yeah, at the moment.

I broke up with a guy like a month ago,

- or, like, six weeks ago. - Holly broke up with her boyfriend.

- Did you? - It was pretty full-on, yeah.

- He gave her this really nice ring. - Oh, you got the little one.

Do you want to do a photo? Like a group photo of us?

Ashley, can you take it?

- Guys, come in. - I'll go in the middle.

- Okay. - Yeah, here.

Here, sit... sit here.

- Okay. - Do like hot, just hot.

- Like hot. - Yeah, like hot.

- We want a good one. - Make sure you get all of us in.

- Hurry up, please. - Sorry.

- Go one, two, three. - God, come on.

- One, two, three. - Oh my God.

- Can you text that to me? - Oh my God.

- You guys got mobiles? - Yeah. Can you text it to me?

Cool, I wasn't sure if you'd have them.

- Cool. - Yeah. No, we...

So, oh my God, we're friends.

Introduce me to whoever. I just want to meet everyone.

I organize various programs.

This one is directed towards our Islander kids,

and I've called it Polynesian Pathways.

Hurry in. Everybody get a seat.

We're offering alternate pathways in life

for the Islander kids

to help steer them away

from the deadly spiral

of unemployment, crime and drug abuse.

You got a girl one!

- I got the cool one. - Joseph got a girl one.

Jonah's responding, you know, very well.

He's sort of relishing the opportunity of displaying his traditional culture.

I'm not wearing this shit in front of anyone, sir.

I fuckin' hate Polynesian Pathways.

It's fucked up. They make you dance like a homo

and we have to do this performance in assembly.

You two, stop pissing around.

- I'm not pissing, he keeps... - I fuckin' hate it.

We've got a special guest speaker today. Luke is Samoan

and he has been in jail.

If you fuck up in school, you're gonna fuck up in life.

- That's fucked. - Were there girls in your jail?

You're gonna end up being my girl in a minute.

There's career options,

anger issues, development stuff.

Man boobs... what are they? Where do they come from?

And a strand on modern music and hip-hop.

♪ Yo yo yo ♪

♪ Being Tongan, come from the island ♪

♪ Respect your culture, mm, yeah ♪

♪ Motherfucker. ♪

This is a chance for them to celebrate their culture

and also to show them that we celebrate their culture.

- Sir, when is this shit over? - Um...

And that's...

The principal and I have been on to the department

for a couple years about getting rid of these demountables.

They've been here for years. There is no fans in them, no heating.

They're just... they're a terrible teaching environment.

I mean, that's just downright dangerous.

That's... that could come off

and just go straight into a student.

Well, I've been encouraging Margaret

to get on to the department about

knocking the whole bunch of buildings down

to build the performing arts center

for music and dance and drama.

Look what he's called it... "The Gregson Performing Arts Centre."

I don't think we'll be calling it that.

That might be going a bit too far.

10,000 seat theater,

so we can put on professional-level shows.

We've got a fly tower. We've got a time capsule.

I'm gonna put a time capsule in out in front.

500-space car park, so we'll be encroaching on the oval a little bit,

but it'll be worth it 'cause when we put on shows,

we want to be able to get the audience in.

My office at the top there.

Room for secretaries and whatnot

and that sort of thing that I would need.

I keep joking with Greg that

I'm gonna have myself an office built

just over alongside his here and call it the Dramatic Science Office.

Well, that won't be happening.

Yeah, 'cause it's for drama and performing arts only,

so you won't be in the building.

So this is like senior playground?

- Yeah, this is... - This way, come this way.

- We'll show you around here. - Right down there?

- They're fully sick. They are so daggy. - Don't speak to them, okay?

- Or you won't be friends with us. - It's Chinatown over there.

Bec used to be over there and we totally adopted her.

Over there are the emos.

And some dyke emos, as well.

Do you have lesbians at this school?

- Yeah. - Oh my God.

I don't think you're allowed to be a lesbian at my school.

Yeah, well, I really thought private-school girls would be

really bitchy, snobby and really annoying.

But they're totally not. I didn't think they'd be as nice as Ja'mie.

We always get that. Just because I'm rich doesn't mean I'm a bitch.

- There are so many fat chicks here. - I know.

And I thought public school girls

would be all like skanky bogans

and totally dumb and stuff.

- But we're not. - They're so not.

- It's such a stereotype. - Yeah.

- Sorry, guys. - They're just young.

You guys would fit in so well at a private school...

- Oh, thanks. ...like if you got some new clothes

and your hair was a bit different...

We'd be the popular girls with you and stuff?

Probably not. Like, if you came to our school,

you would be sort of halfway down.

Gumnut Cottage, it's, um...

a little place where you go

to learn how to read and crap. For remedial reading.

People here who have no nuts usually go there.

Call it Gumnut no-nuts 'cause if you go

- that means you got no nuts. - Jonah and Leon go there.

He goes there. Leon goes there.

- I don't go there! - You go there.

- Bullshit. - You do.

I don't fucking go there. Your mom goes there.

- Shut up. - I saw you last time.

I don't fucking go to Gumnut Cottage.

Jonah attends Gumnut Cottage five periods a week

for remedial reading.

Jared felt what with Jane?

- Miss! Miss, miss, miss! - Okay, Jonah.

- Pissed off? - No.

One of the goals that Jonah's written

into his Polynesian Pathways contract,

is that he wants to be able to learn to read by the end of the year.

Two points each for us boys!

- How many? Two points? - Two points each, miss.

And at the moment, he's reading

at about an eight-year-old level

which that's not unusual, particularly for boys.

- Sound it out. - K...

- Cir... - Surfing.

No, cir-cus.

- It starts with a fuckin' "C." - Yeah, "sss."

Reading is the main thing I want to do in my contract,

'cause if I could learn to read,

then I could read books all day.

I could just... I could read, like, "Harry Potter" in a day.

What might you find at a circus?

The eleph... come on.

- Clowns. - What's that word?

- I don't know. - Okay, so sound it out.

I don't want to sound it out.

- I want you to sound it out. - Maybe I don't want to.

That's what we're doing at the moment. We're reading.

Too slow. You're too slow.

Jonah's quite erratic

in his approach. He's...

all enthusiasm and all guns blazing one minute

and then the next minute, he's gonna snap

and I'm the worst person in the world.

And it's "fuck this" and "fuck that."

It's a bullshit children's book. I don't fucking want to read that anyway!

That's the intriguing thing about Jonah.

You know, it's the thing I love about Jonah too.

You never know what you're gonna get.

Why don't you fuckin' kill yourself, you bitch?

Miss Palmer's all right. She's one of the maddest teachers in the school.

She's better than any other teacher here.

- Jared was... - Wanking!

- Pardon? - Wanking?

Sometimes I give her electric shocks,

like you do with your feet on the ground like this.

Like that. And then when miss goes past, I go "Miss,"

and touch her and it gives her electric shock and she just laughs at me.

Silently means quietly.

- Silently means stop talking, miss. - Exactly.

She's got a good sense of humor

and she appreciates me.

I think Jonah really really does want to learn

and he really wants to be able to learn to read.

Miss, miss, look at this.

Look. It's better on the mat. I'll show you at lunch.

- Okay. - See you, miss.

- See ya. - Come find me at the amphitheater.

Oh, how do you spell amphitheater?

I'm out of the room, miss. I'm not spelling. Sucked in to you.

See you, miss!

- What are they doing? - They throw apple cores at each other.

- They do this all time. - Those guys are hot.

- Oh my God. - Don't hit us.

- Totally throw it back. - They love it when you do that.

Yeah, I read an article about all the sluts in public schools.

- It's so bad. - Not all the time.

- There're more sluts in public schools. - Yeah. Oh, yeah, definitely.

Sorry, Shane.

Don't get me! Don't get me!

God. Sorry. Sorry.

I think what happens is like

out in the outer suburbs ugly people

- breed with other ugly people, right? - Yeah.

So you end up with really fugly kids.

That's why you look around a public school,

and on average... no offense... but people are more fugly.

Whereas in a private-school area...

in a rich school area... shut up and let me explain.

In a rich area, hotter people breed

with other hot people

and have hotter kids.

Wait! Don't aim for me, please.

- It's getting stupid now. - Seriously.

Over the time that I'm here,

I want to like get to know everyone,

like all the year 11s, all the teachers and stuff...

- Hi, Mr. Cameron. - Hi, Ja'mie.

...and, I guess, do what I can to make some changes

around the school, like make a better environment for everyone.

Academically, like, the standards are pretty low here,

so it's probably gonna be really easy. No offense.

I know I'm really gonna miss my Hillford friends and stuff,

and that's gonna be really bad.

I just don't want to be in classrooms where there's, like,

no air conditioning and, like, asbestos

in the roof and stuff...

- Are you crying? - No... and just crap desks

and, like, skanky bogans everywhere and sluts...

- You've got us. - It's not that bad.

I just wish I was with my friends

- and I wish I was back at Hillford. - Ja'mie.

- Ja'mie, you've got us. - Seriously, don't worry.

He's called it "The Gregson Performing Arts Centre" which is...

stupid.

It's just him being stu... we don't have to call it that.

- No. - Call it that if you want.

- You don't mind if I have one of these. - No no no, go ahead.

- Help yourself. - Mmm, they're nice.

I've got just some matters to check with you,

seeing you're here with me, Greg.

The first one is I've had a call from Meredith.

Her mother in New Zealand is in a stable but very serious condition...

- Mmm. ...so it's gonna be a pretty long stay

- for Meredith over there. - Good. Okay. Is that it?

Well, no. Meredith says she wishes you well

- with "Anything Goes" and... - Good. Tell her it's under control.

Yes, good. Now the other issue is Jeanie has come to me

and claims that you're almost forcing her

- to take some of your classes. - I never said "Take my classes."

I said that if she has a free period

it would be helpful if she took one of my classes.

I wasn't forcing her to do it. She's lying.

- She's a bloody liar, she's... - Well...

She didn't get that impression actually.

She got the impression you were trying to get out of one of your classes.

Okay, am I not the Director of Performing Arts?

- Is that not my title? - Well, you're...

Music is a performing art. It comes under the umbrella of performing arts,

so therefore she is under my control.

I understand that. Just keep your cool, okay?

- I am keeping my cool. - Don't get upset.

Sue has also spoken to me. And she says that you've taken over

her pigeonhole in the staff room.

Yes, I have taken over her pigeonhole

because I have a lot of paperwork

and I need more space and hers is empty half the time.

- Greg, I find that... - That's just selfish.

I find that rather a feeble sort of comment, I'm afraid.

You're the head of Drama, nothing more. Head of Drama.

You don't need two pigeonholes.

- Fine. - Okay?

Good.

Six, seven, eight.

One, two, three, four.

Hip...

When I meet girls, they're usually really threatened

straightaway, right? So I meet them and they're like

"Oh my God, she's so hot. I'm never gonna be friends with her."

And then I go up to them and I'm like "Hi, how are you going?"

And they're really surprised that I'm giving them the time of day.

- Your foot, point it down... - Where was I pointing it?

You're pointing it like that.

You need to go there. Like, look, it's a height thing.

African!

I think I'm a really down-to-earth girl,

and in the end people realize that.

That's so hot!

- Do you guys like Bec? - Yeah.

Like she's really annoying sometimes.

- I totally find her annoying. - I kind of do actually.

She makes the dumbest calls and she's just like

- so random. - It's 'cause she's Asian.

It's not 'cause she's Asian, it's 'cause she's annoying.

I didn't think I'd find such a cool bunch of girls to be friends with,

like just in one day. It's been so good.

Do you wanna like... we could run away from her.

This is what we used to do with a friend of mine at my school

who was a totally annoying bitch,

and we just ran away from her whenever she came near us.

It's been the best day.

I know I'm gonna love it here.

Oh my God, hi. This school is pathetic.

- Tell me everything. - It's so crap.

- It's horrible. - Oh my God, don't let her see me.

Ja'mie, see ya. Nice meeting you.

- Is she gone? - Yes.

Oh my God, the girls here are skanks.

- They're such bogans. - Look how short those skirts are.

- See you tomorrow, Ja'mie. - See you, Ja'mie.

You guys rock. Thanks for showing me around.

- See you on MSN tonight. - Yuck.

Oh my God. See what I mean?

- I feel sorry for you. - I can't believe I'm gonna do,

- like, a term here. - I know.

Hi, cast. I'm here.

Could I have everyone on the floor, please? I have an announcement.

Quiet, please.

Miss Allan, stop sewing, please.

Now as you know, we are one week out

from "Anything Goes,"

and you've all put in a massive amount of effort.

You can pat yourselves on the back for all that effort.

But I have a question for you:

Who likes doing Mr. G's shows?

You've all done them. Who likes doing them?

I certainly do.

Inevitably, they are a better-quality production...

which is why I've had to make a really tough decision.

And I've decided to cancel "Anything Goes."

I'm canceling the show.

We're not doing it. Don't freak out.

The good news is I will be writing a new musical.

There will be a production this year

and you will all be invited to audition for it.

Settle down, please. There is nothing you can do about this.

I'm the boss of the department,

so you can't go any higher than me. Please!

Settle down.

Mr. G has made the right decision.

Mr. G has made the right decision.

And we will all be in a better show.

And we will all be in a better show.

Finally I feel as though I'm where I'm supposed to be.

Meredith had me trapped

- for way too long. - Try out our new spot.

And now I feel as though I've been set free

and I don't have to answer to anyone. The sky's the limit.

Move, girls. You should not be blocking the staff car park.

Move or I'll run you down.

Move.

Ja'mie's decided that she actually

wants to go out with Sebastian Perrone.

He's hot. I'm in love with Sebastian.

She really wants to be, like, the first year-11 girl

to go out with a year-seven student.

So what, like, attracted you to me?

- They're perfect together. - I've pashed like 135 guys.

I reckon he's the one. Look at me. I'm fucking hot.

You're not getting it back. Am I hot?

Yes.

- It's more of a junior-school dance. - Piss off, year-sevens!

- I reckon I'm pretty good at it. - He think he can break,

- but he can't. - Ooh!

He's come to school with semen stains on his pants.

Do you ever have wet dreams?

Heel and toe...

Your mother's dead.

This tragic incident will obviously

lead to a lot of media attention.

We're all in shock. She was what the kids would call a slut.

♪ It's a Bummer Heights High... ♪

I've come up with a concept for my new musical.

I want it to be done tastefully.

♪ She's a party girl with a bad habit... ♪

I look like a homo, miss.

♪ Playground play, come and play in the playground ♪

It's gonna be so cool! I can't wait!