Original subtitles

Oh, boy.

Boy, what a day.

It's ten minutes after 10.

Phil. Call up the paper and tell them we've got a story for the front page.

Ten minutes after 10, and Lulu ain't come to work yet.

- Is that news? - It's something to write home about.

I've been waiting eight years for that girl to come late,

and now it's happened.

Maybe she's got spring fever like you have.

Lulu? She couldn't get any kind of fever.

If there had been a wedding, I'd understand it.

- She ain't missed a wedding in years. - Yes, she has.

- Whose? - Her own.

Here she comes now.

Old Lady Four Eyes! Old Lady Four Eyes! Old Lady Four Eyes!

Lulu, do you know what time it is?

Springtime.

I wish I owned this library.

Why? Because I'd get an axe

and smash it to a million pieces.

Then I'd set fire to the whole town and play a ukulele while it burned.

What are you drawing all your money out for? Investment?

Yes.

Hope you're not going into the stock market.

No.

- Then what are you gonna invest in? - A vacation.

You mean to tell me you're going to spend $1242.68 for...?

Yes!

- How long do you expect to be gone? - About two weeks.

- Where? - Some place where they don't know me.

- Lulu Smith, that's idiotic. - It's silly.

- It's ridiculous. - It's insane, but I'm going to do it.

- Why? - Just because.

- Good evening. - Two, please.

Emile, two.

Two?

Good evening, madam. Two?

No.

No, one.

One?

Emile, one.

One?

One.

- I'll take everything. - Yes, madam.

Two days out and still one.

This boat, she's not what she used to be.

- Emile! - Oh, pardon.

Hello.

- What are you doing in my room? - What are you doing in my room?

In your room?

Isn't this 99?

- Not quite. It's 66. - Sixty-six?

Oh, me, oh, my.

Or "oh, my, oh, me," if you prefer because I'm upside down again.

You know, I've been upside down ever since I've been on the boat.

I say. I owe you an apology.

Let's see, 99, 66... Thirty-three apologies to be exact.

- Will you forgive me? - Certainly.

- Thirty-three times. - Thank you for understanding.

Oh, you see?

Ninety-nine and 66.

If I had walked on my hands, I'd have been all right, wouldn't I?

Well, do you think you'll be all right now?

I'm sure that I will. Thank you.

Come in.

I beg your pardon.

I didn't want you to think... I've never done anything like this before.

I mean, get fizzed up and stray into a strange room.

Will you forgive me?

It's quite all right.

You see, I'm on my vacation.

- Are you on your vacation? - Yes.

You know, I haven't had a holiday in a long, long time.

You know, nose to the grindstone and all that sort of thing.

It sort of went to my head.

Have you ever had your nose to the grindstone?

Oh, I beg your pardon.

- Then you really do forgive me? - Really.

- You're not just being polite? - No.

Oh, look, I mussed up your bed.

Well, at least I wasn't under the bed, was I?

Do I look like an out-and-out drunkard to you?

No, not out-and-out.

But would you say that I was fairly sober now?

Fairly.

Well, pardon me for being personal,

but as long as I was straying into somebody's room,

I'm glad it was yours.

I think you're the most beautiful girl I ever met. Good night.

Hello?

Hello, is this 66?

Well, this is 99 calling.

I just wanted to let you know that I got home safely.

Oh, congratulations.

Thank you.

The trouble now is how to find the dining room.

I never could do it without a partner. Have you had your dinner?

Well, I...

No, no, I was just going.

Oh, that's fine.

I'll be in the gutter in front of your door.

Will you pick me up on the way?

- One, madam? - No, two.

Two?

Emile, two.

- Two'? - Two.

- What number are you betting on this time? - I'm betting on you, 99.

But there is no number 99.

I know, but I bet on 33 three times.

- Number 33 wins. - Oh, good, I won again!

- Thirty-three here. - Come on, pay me.

- Aren't you lucky? - Oh, look at all that.

I hope I haven't bored you with all this talk about politics.

I haven't heard anything but that music.

It's funny how you open up sometimes and talk.

I guess it's because I've got a worm.

What do you mean "a worm"?

Surely, people without worms never amount to much.

Of course, some people call them dreams, and others call them ambitions.

But I call them worms. You know why?

Because they gnaw and gnaw inside of you and keep you on the go.

- You know what I mean? - Sure, I know.

What's your pet worm?

You are.

Then don't you step on me.

Because after I get to be president of the United States, the worm will turn.

Oh, don't be president. It's much more fun here.

Do you wanna know something, 66?

If I were an architect instead of a lawyer...

Yes?

And could draw the plans for the kind of girl who'd suit the kind of guy I am...

Yes?

- You'd be it. - You'd be it.

And do you know something?

Do you wanna know what I really came to Havana for?

What?

To meet you.

Don't you think it's about time we gave our right names?

You don't know anything about me.

Well, have you ever beaten your mother?

Not with a club.

Or strangled little children?

None under the age of 5.

Well, that's all I wanna know.

Here's to you, 66.

Right back at you, 99.

I would be, except for one thing.

- What's that? - The boat sails tomorrow.

Oh, why bring that up?

Why can't we stay here?

- You mean for another week? - Another century.

But what would we live on?

Worms.

We could be beachcombers.

- Boy! - Boy!

Speck!

Give me the clippings on "What a Man."

- Who'? - "What a Man."

Clippings on "What a Man."

All right, 99.

But can't you get there before 9:00 for once?

Well, I have a surprise for you.

Lots of them.

Yeah.

All right, but don't be any later, will you?

All right. Bye, dear.

Morning, teacher.

What would you do for that?

I'd go for it, Al.

Tell me.

Did you ever hear of a lawyer named Robert Collins?

Lawyer? Collins? Never heard of him. Where did he tend bar?

Or do I see love rearing its ugly head?

No. I just couldn't find any clippings on him, that's all.

I know you didn't give me this apple for nothing.

- So what? - Well, in a word, I'll tell you.

See, I was repairing my typewriter, fixing the letter I,

when it dawned on me today's payday.

Ergo, I eat.

"Alone?" I says. "Phooey", says I.

And who do you think I thought of? Who do you think I thought of?

You. What do you say?

No.

- Tomorrow night? - No.

- Next year? - No.

Good. Because by me it's this way.

The longer they no, the harder they yes.

Please, Mr. Holland.

You...

- Hello, Mr. Holland. - That's all right.

- You're a mean old thing. - Oh, what's an apple core for?

Oh, is that so?

Listen, you're gonna wake up some fine morning

and find yourself married.

And it'll be my big shoes you'll find...

Come on, kids, let's go over to Fred's.

Come in.

What is it?

There's a wolf at the door in sheep's clothing.

- Who are you? - Census taker.

Oh, I lost my senses long ago.

Good, then I'll come in.

Name? How many children have you got?

- Father's name? - Did you bring me one?

- Give it to me! - How old is your son?

How old is your father, mother?

Say, you look awful.

Strange and alluring.

I love you, I adore you.

The most beautiful flower in this lovely garden.

- What have you got to eat? - I live only for you, my prince, my hero.

- Kippers, you pig. - Kippers? English kippers?

- Out of my way, slave. - Keep out of there.

Oh, let me alone. Let me fix the flowers.

- Say, what are we celebrating? - Your victory today.

What victory?

I didn't see it in the papers, but you won.

- Did I ever lose a case? - Did you follow my advice?

If no, you'll get sore, and if yes, you'll get conceited.

- Did you do what I told you to do? - After the potatoes.

- You'll tell me right now. - I'll tell you after the kippers.

You'll tell me now, because I have some news too, but you tell me yours first.

- I'm not interested. - You will be.

Secret. It's important. But tell me about yourself first.

The Cardinals beat the Cubs today 10-to-7.

Tell me yours first and I'll tell you mine.

Did you handle the case the way I told you?

Did you win? Come on, tell me.

Wait, wait. Yes, yes, I won.

I did just as you told me. Now cut it out.

See? There, didn't I tell you if you did as I...

Listen, foolish. Are you happy?

At times.

What times?

What times when I'm with you.

Then I'm not only happy, I'm sappy.

A hundred percent?

- Did you read the story of Cinderella? - I wrote it.

Then you remember that Cindy had a complex.

And at the time she was happiest and sappiest, she was most afraid.

Afraid of what?

The stroke of 12, don't you remember?

That's when poor Cindy had to stop being a princess

and go back to her attic.

It's never going to strike 12 for us, is it, Bob?

The stroke of 12.

- Please don't answer it. - I have to.

It might be the prince for little Cindy.

Are you there?

Am I there? Huh, I'll say I'm there.

It isn't the prince.

Say, listen.

In the last ten or 15 minutes, I've decided to ask you to marry me.

What do you say?

Say that again.

I said in the last ten or 15 minutes, I've decided to ask you to marry me.

What do you say?

Well, I'll think it over for ten or 15 years.

All right with me, take your time.

I'll hold the wire.

I'll have to see my lawyer about it.

I have a good one.

Okay, see you in court.

All right, bye-bye.

- Who was that? - A reporter on the paper.

How well do you know him?

Well enough to have him ask me to marry him.

But I told him I'd have to see my lawyer about it.

What have you got to say about that? Yeah.

Well, aren't you going to advise me about marriage?

- Well? - Dear, I can't advise you about marriage.

Well, I guess I'll have to get myself another lawyer.

Hey, you.

Hey, you with the funny nose. What's the matter?

Dear, you know that I love you, don't you?

Yes. That's all I ever wanna know.

Haven't you ever been curious about me, or wondered who I am,

or wondered why you never saw my name in the papers, or...

- You don't have to explain anything, Bob. - I can't explain anything.

Lulu, deep down in your heart, you know that

you're the only woman I ever loved, got to believe that, you do, don't you?

Yes.

Well, my name isn't Collins.

It's Grover, Bob Grover and I'm married.

Oh, I know what you're thinking, but you can't despise me

any more than I despise myself.

If I have any excuse, it's that I love you.

Up to now I've been too much of a coward, but dear...

Listen, I wanna do the right thing.

Are you living together?

Yes, we are.

I'm sorry. I meant to tell you before.

Don't know why I kept putting it off, on the boat, on the way home,

even in Havana I meant to tell you, but somehow I couldn't.

I was afraid of losing you.

I know.

I wanted to ask you too, but I was afraid.

I knew there was something wrong.

I guess we'll have to blame it on palm trees or something.

We can't blame it on the trees, blame it on me.

I'm the one that's to blame.

What are we going to do now?

Dear, I don't know. I'm trying, I...

I don't know. I wanna do whatever's right.

Oh, I'll keep on loving you no matter what happens.

What will happen, Bob?

Well, dear, I can't leave her.

You love her, don't you?

No, not the way I love you.

That isn't the point. But divorce is out of the question.

Why?

Dear, it's awfully tough to talk about.

You see, she's an invalid.

The car turned over while I was driving and...

She's on my hands. She always will be, Lulu.

She's such a good sport, you see. That's what makes it so...

I can't leave her.

I see.

That is kind of...

Oh, but, Bob, that doesn't mean we're through, does it?

Look, if I never see her, I can pretend she doesn't even exist.

- That'll be better than nothing. - That'll be worse.

But you can't leave me. Not now. You mustn't.

- I must. It wouldn't be fair. - That doesn't make any difference.

Don't you understand? You can't leave me.

I can't offer you marriage and I won't offer you anything else.

What do you want me to do? Get down on my knees?

Now, Lulu, darling, please.

You say you love me, Why don't you do something?

I haven't asked any questions because I could answer every question.

I haven't lied, I'm not married.

- I've tried to explain that my wife... - What do I care about your wife?

- I'm trying to do the right thing. - Right thing, right thing.

All right, go ahead, be noble.

- Here's your hat. Go home to your wife. - Lulu.

You say you wanna do the right thing, well, why don't you?

Using a lot of high words but what do they all amount to?

You've had your fun and you're fed up.

That's all right with me! Get out!

- Lulu, if you ever need anything... - Yes, sure, I know!

Here they come. Folks, here they come.

- Will you step outside a moment? - Yes.

You can go back in a while.

Make sure there was no mistake.

- He looks just like you, Tom. - No kidding. You sure, just like me?

- Doesn't he, Mother? - Say, nurse, have I had my baby yet?

Go to the office on the second floor.

- What floor is this? - Third floor.

Oh, gee.

No. She doesn't want to see it.

I just saw your baby.

It's beautiful. Wouldn't you like to see it?

I wonder if you feel strong enough to answer a few questions.

What about?

What are you going to call the baby?

Roberta.

The mother's name?

Jane Doe.

Wouldn't you rather give your real name?

Jane Doe.

And the father's name?

District Attorney's office.

Sorry, that case doesn't come up until tomorrow morning.

Tell the DA I'll wait one minute longer. Then he'll have to come to see me.

Mr. Holland says he'll wait just one more minute.

- Then you'll have to see him. - Tell Holland to use his own judgment.

- Oh, I'm fed up. - But you've been working so hard lately.

Why don't you take a rest? You know what the doctor said.

Dear, I don't care. The doctor's a fool. All doctors are fools.

You don't turn handsprings, they say something's the matter with you.

Why don't you go with me to Vienna?

Dear, I'd love to, but you're going away for treatments and be gone for months.

Mr. Murphy.

No, and I don't ever wanna see Mr. Murphy.

Darling, wouldn't it be marvelous if I really came back cured this time?

You're great just as you are.

The only trouble with you is that you worry too much about me.

One invalid in the family is enough.

I don't like to hear you talk that way.

You're great. You'll be jumping over fences.

Don't worry, I'll take care of myself.

Bob.

While I'm away, I want you to have a good time.

And I won't ask questions either.

Just for that, I'll be home for dinner tonight.

Good!

- Goodbye, dear. - Goodbye.

Hello, Holland. Make it snappy.

Miss Jones, have those witnesses wait, I'll only be a moment.

That's all right, Grover, you don't have to try to impress me. I know you're busy.

Have a peanut? Or would that be considered a bribe?

Extra! Extra! District attorney accepts peanut from city editor.

That would be front page in that peanut paper of yours.

That peanut paper elected you DA.

- Sorry it did. - So I see.

So sorry that you printed this nice, charming editorial about me.

That? Oh, that.

That says you bought your election with your wife's money.

That's a lie and you know it.

You can print anything you want about me in that cheap sheet of yours,

but when you start dragging my family into it...

Sounds like you might have a skeleton in the closet.

If you have, I'll get a picture of it.

I know what's eating you.

Since you became city editor, you wanted me to run errands for you.

You think I'm working for the Record, well, I'm not.

- Are you getting this? - I get it.

As long as I'm holding this job, I'm working for the state.

From now on, keep those reporters of yours out of here.

- You won't get any news from this office. - All right, all right.

If you don't let your foot slip, it's all right.

- We've clipped bigger men. - Are you threatening me?

No, I never make threats. I'm just predicting.

All kidding aside, what's happened to you?

You never used to be like this. Who's been advising you?

If you'd behave, you could be the next mayor.

How do you know I wanna be mayor?

For 2 cents, I'd resign as district attorney.

I don't like this job and I don't like the people I have to do business with.

That makes it unanimous.

From now on, I'll make it my business to keep you out of this office.

And I'm gonna make it my business to keep you out of any office.

All right, print that.

Good day, Mr. Holland.

- In? - Yeah.

Boss, it looks like I go to the head of the class.

- I finally dug up that woman for you. - Where?

Here's her address, and she works down the Bronx.

- Shall I bring her in? - Never mind.

I just wanted to know where she lived.

- Forget about it. - All right.

- Henry. Help yourself. - Boss'? Thanks.

Henry, I'll be out for the rest of the afternoon. Yes.

Marty, never mind making a report out of this.

Okay, Chief, no report.

Telephone my house and say I won't be there for dinner.

- Going out? - Right. Thank you.

Come on, honey. Come on, put your head back.

Attagirl.

There's a little fella.

- I have soap. - You have soap?

You have soap, and I have soap.

Here we go.

Come on. Up she goes.

Isn't that good?

Yes. Oh, no crying now.

Oh, no, I can't have any crying.

No, you're gonna be a good little girl. Come on.

Come on, darling. There we go.

Oh, no, we can't have any crying.

Darling, if you're a good little girl,

I'll sing you the moon song, all about the stars and the moon.

Are you gonna be good?

Lulu.

Lulu, please.

Oh, please, 66, open the door.

I wanna talk to you, dear. Please, can't you hear me?

Lulu, open the door, please. Please, 66, let me come in.

Please, I want to talk to you. I only want to talk to you. Please.

Lulu!

Lulu, listen. Lulu!

Bob!

Bob!

Bob!

Bob.

Sweetheart.

Don't cry, dear.

Please don't cry. We're together again, please.

Oh, look. It's the wrong button.

It's wrong, everything with me. That's why I've been trying to find you.

That's why I've been looking everywhere for you. Everywhere.

If you only knew how I've searched for you.

One day, I followed a woman for five blocks.

- When I caught up with her... - What happened?

I nearly got slapped.

I haven't been a bit of good without you, dear.

Mama!

Come, Mama.

Oh, I forgot.

Your daughter's name is Roberta.

- Hello, Mama. - Hello.

Up she goes.

Careful, honey.

Wait here for me.

"No," I says, "There can't be two women in the world like that."

"It's Lulu Smith," I says.

Well, is it or isn't it?

Hello, Al.

"Sit down, Mr. Holland.

I can't tell you how glad I am to see you."

Where have you been all this time?

Oh, here and there. Mostly there.

I looked for you in every jail in the state.

I got time off for good behavior.

Listen, would it shock you to know that my heart's been broken?

It's been going potato, potato, potato for the last couple of years.

- Who's your lady friend? - Yes, honey.

Go on, my head's bloody but unbowed.

- You're married. - No.

Niece?

No.

You're a governess.

Yes, and I'd better be getting her home.

Hold everything. Hardened swain takes new lease on life.

Wait, who do you work for? What's your number?

Daddy!

Daddy!

Hello, Grover.

This is the gentleman I'm working for.

Mr. Grover, meet Mr. Holland of the Record.

I know Mr. Grover. Used to know him well.

Didn't know he had a baby, though.

There might be lots of things you don't know.

Always willing to learn.

You've been holding out on us, huh?

Hello, baby.

Adopted, or...?

- She does look like it, that. - Yes, she's adopted.

That's fine. It'll make a nice little story.

I was under the impression your paper didn't care to give me any publicity.

This is different. Human interest. Make a nice little yarn.

I'd like to send up a photographer to get a picture,

you, the baby, and Mrs. Grover.

We can't use Mrs. Grover, can we? She's in Europe.

Well, don't forget to give me a buzz, Lulu.

When does Mrs. Grover get back?

- Goodbye, Holland. - Treatments do any good?

I know Holland. He'll print the story, all right.

And her boat gets in tomorrow.

I hate to think what this will do to Helen.

What did you tell him, that I adopted the baby?

I told him I was working for you as Bobbie's governess.

Bad Mama.

- Where is she? - Wait a minute, wait a minute!

Please, one at a time.

What made you think of doing such a thing, Bob?

There are two things you've always wanted,

a home and a baby.

You have this home, wait until you see this baby.

Where is she?

She's downtown getting some clothes with the governess.

Governess? What do you know about engaging a governess?

I'll discharge her.

Remember now, don't call me Mama. Say Lulu.

Lulu.

- Are you the governess? - Yes.

Will you wait here, please?

- Here she is. - The governess is here.

Oh, the baby's here.

Oh, it is real, isn't it?

Oh, dear. Isn't she charming?

Oh, my, but she's beautiful.

- Well, shall we send her back? - Over my dead body.

Isn't she adorable?

What's the matter? You wanna get down? You wanna get down?

Doctor, she's just too adorable and so healthy, yes.

No, no, we don't know her parents.

If you're any friend of mine,

you come over this minute and tell me what I should do for her.

All right, thank you. Goodbye.

- Bob, Bob! - Hello, dear.

What's this for?

You can make a person happier than anybody else in the world.

Why, that baby has done me more good than all the doctors in Vienna.

- I'm glad. - I'll pretend it's our very own,

the one we always wanted.

The nurse is putting her to sleep. She's adorable.

- Come on up and look at her. - Not now, dear.

I sneaked out of a lot of work at the office,

- and I have to run down for a few hours. - Tonight?

I'm sorry, dear, but...

I suppose I ought to complain,

but I'm too happy.

You couldn't have said welcome home more beautifully.

It is home now, isn't it?

Yes, dear.

- It will make a difference, won't it? - Sure it will, dear.

Will you excuse me, because I have to run along.

Oh, hello.

- Is the baby asleep? - Yes.

I think it's time we got better acquainted.

Mr. Grover spoke to me about you.

He said he hadn't made any permanent arrangement.

No.

I'm sure there won't be any trouble about that, miss...

- Smith. - Now, about references, Ms. Smith...

I haven't any references.

- No references? - I've never been a nurse maid before.

Well, of course you've had some experience with children.

A teacher perhaps?

Or maybe you've had children of your own?

Why, Bob, where on earth did you get that woman?

Well, dear, I don't know.

A friend of mine in the office told me about her.

I wouldn't trust her with the baby. That woman's crazy or drugged.

I'll have to get someone else.

Dear, you take care of it your own way. Do whatever you like, dear.

I have to go. I'm late now.

- What happened? Why did you leave? - Because it is your house.

You didn't expect me to stay there, did you?

It was your idea. You suggested it.

- I did. I was a fool. I was crazy. - You've got to come back.

To see you make love to your wife?

It will work out. You can't leave me. I need you.

Haven't you got enough? What more do you want?

- Holland can't hurt you. - I don't care about...

Let me go. If you hadn't found me, I'd be all right.

- I'd have my baby! Let me go! - Let's get in this cab.

- Where to? - Just drive around.

I want you to come to your senses.

I have! That's why I'm quitting. I'm through with you.

Now stop being hysterical. Wasn't it your idea?

Wasn't I trying to do the right thing?

You got me into this, now you're quitting? What did I do?

You left me! That's enough!

Stop talking nonsense. What do you want me to do?

Let me alone, that's all.

Driver, let me out!

- Sit down. Wait. - Leave me alone! Driver!

- Wait a minute. You wait right here! - Let me go!

Wait till I pay this cab, wait.

Wait a minute. Come here.

Are you gonna make me yell for a policeman?

I'll make you talk sense. Sit down.

Let's get this straightened out. What's eating you?

- Let's get down to facts. - Here's one fact.

I've had nothing but trouble since I met you.

It hasn't been any bed of roses for me. What do you want me to do?

- I've told you, you can have anything. - What have you got?

You belong to your job, and if you quit that, I'd be to blame.

You belong to your wife. If you quit her, I'd be to blame.

- No matter what happens, I'd be to blame. - I've done the best I could.

If I give her up, I'm a swine. If I give you up... I won't give you up.

What can I look forward to?

This? Sneaking around, hiding like an alley cat?

No, not me. Read your speeches to your wife.

- Stop yelling! - I know what I'm saying!

You're poison to me! Poison!

I'm sorry I ever met you. But I'm not old. You're not the only man in the world.

I don't have to stop living, not for you, not for anybody!

Aren't you afraid you'll catch cold?

Don't you think you'd better go home?

Go home to bed.

Don't leave me, Lulu, please.

All right.

Better help me find me a place to live.

Yeah? Yeah.

The dirty gargoyle always knew he'd die before the afternoon papers.

Well, get the lead out of your pants and get me a diagram of the apartment.

Work in a love nest angle. Fill it full of dotted lines.

With a great big cross to mark the spot.

A double cross. The guy never advertised.

Is there a diary?

That's all right, we'll write one here. Yeah.

Yeah? What? Did you tell him you're from the Record?

They wouldn't let you in anyway, huh? I'll fix him.

Red. That goose-neck park commissioner is going monocle on us.

Write a squib about him every day and misspell his name every time.

Yeah.

- What do you want, boy? - She said it was personal.

- Why didn't you tell me? - Well, I tried to...

- Mr. Holland, how about that... - No!

Well, that's settled.

Hey, who left this light on? Turn it out, somebody!

Well, Lulu Smith. How is the governess racket?

- Ex-governess. - Hey, hey!

Wanted female.

Newspaper work preferred.

"Prodigal daughter returns," semicolon...

"Patient Papa pants passionately."

Period!

So you want a job? Well, come on in. I'm glad to see you.

Who's in charge of the reference room now?

Hey, ain't anybody turned that light out yet?

Can you write?

- Well... - You're hired.

I know just the job for you. Sit down there.

One of our boys is quitting today.

Coming, boss.

Yes, boss?

Nick, this is Ms. Lulu Smith. She'll take your place.

- How do you do? - Give her the lowdown.

- Thank you, Mr. Holland. - I'll collect my commission later.

This way, miss. Okay, boss.

Sit there, ma'am.

I'll be glad to tell you anything you wanna know.

I'd like to know what job I'm taking.

- You're taking over my column. - What column is it?

Advice to the Lovelorn.

Didn't the Lovelorn column used to be run by Mary Sunshine?

That's me. Anybody that runs this column is Mary Sunshine.

- You're gonna be Mary Sunshine now. - What do I have to do?

Well, if you play solitaire, it'll help to pass the time away.

You get stacks of letters every day.

Hundreds of them. You take out six for the column,

and the rest...

dump them under there. There.

Don't you read them?

No, they're all alike.

Well, here they are. You can read them and weep.

Every time I look at them, it reminds me of my sweetie.

I'm going out and giving her a ring. Excuse me.

Well, I've come to collect my commission.

In advance?

I don't mind telling you I was sore when I found out you were working for Grover.

But I'm glad now because it'll come in handy.

- You'll help me. - Is that why you gave me this job?

There aren't any strings attached to anything I do for you.

I guess you know that.

But the paper's out to get Grover, and you work for the paper.

We can do it through this kid he adopted. What do you think?

Some of these letters are comical.

He never adopted that kid, did he?

Men don't do things like that while their wives are in Europe.

That's hunch number two.

"Dear Mary Sunshine, I'm in love with a young man 15 years my..."

And my third hunch is this.

You've been working for Grover and you've had a chance to find out things.

- What did you dig up? - Do I get a bonus?

A bonus? You get a bonus, a raise and a kiss.

By peeking through the keyhole,

I found out that Mr. Grover takes his coffee black,

listens in on Amos 'N' Andy, and...

he wears pink suspenders.

Get off the comic page. Where did he dig up that kid?

He told me under a cabbage leaf.

What a chance you passed up.

You'll never make a newspaper woman.

- Am I fired? - No.

I still think you'll make a newspaperman.

Go on, give advice.

Couldn't stake a guy to a Bromo-Seltzer, could you?

No, but I could stake you to some good advice.

Al, why don't you...?

I know, I know, booze and broads and barber shop chords.

Who was them ladies I seen you with last night?

Them was no ladies. Them was no ladies.

When you can't have one, you go for all of them.

It don't mean anything.

You're different.

I'd do anything in the world for you.

Well, can I have a couple of days off?

No!

What for?

- I'd like to go to the convention. - Still interested in your old boss?

- Even though he's mud to me. - It's not that, Al, but...

I've never been to a convention and I'd like to see what they're like.

And then I thought you might like to have a few paragraphs

on the woman's angle.

Here's a paragraph on the man's angle.

- How about giving in? - Proposition or proposal?

With this ring I do thee wed.

I'm not the marrying sort.

And I'm not the quitting sort.

- Irresistible force, that's me. - Immovable body, that's me.

- What happens when they meet? - They start a restaurant.

What sort of a woman are you anyway?

What are you saving yourself for?

I'm just a newspaper punk, but I could be somebody

with a woman like you to look up to, to brag to.

What do you say, Lovelorn?

Don't be silly, Al, you're married already.

- Me'? - Sure, to your newspaper.

That's your sweetheart, that comes first.

- Always has and always will. - No.

It's you.

- Holland! - Yeah?

It's Dargan, there's a couple of mobs shooting it out over on the South side.

Tell him to hold the wire.

Hello, Ike. Yeah. Yeah.

Great! Sure, grab a cab.

Pat, get a couple of photographers down there right away.

Brown, Lee, Carson! Get Carson, somebody, he's in the washroom.

Oh, Daddy, I just know you're gonna win.

Could you hold that pose, please?

The nomination's in the bag, Grover.

I made a special request to be seated behind you.

I wanted to see how a four-flusher behaves when he has a full house.

- We'll start the ball rolling. - I'm ready.

Ladies and gentlemen.

You have been introduced,

and listened to many capable men here today.

But the next speaker, a candidate for the nomination

for governor of this state is a man who needs no introduction.

He has served the people faithfully

for 20 years in various capacities.

But his success as a human being,

as a husband, as a father,

and as a citizen has been even greater.

Take a bow, Grover. He means you.

I need not speak his name,

but I take great pleasure in presenting the man

who before this convention is over,

will carry the standard of the party to victory at the polls.

The man who will soon bear the title, His Honor, the governor.

His Honor, the governor.

Whose public life has only been exceeded by the integrity of his private life.

Oh, Bob, you were grand today.

His Honor, the governor.

His Honor, the hypocrite.

Bob, what's the matter?

Don't be like this tonight. Put your arms around me.

This is the grandest moment of my life.

It might have meant something if you had been with me.

- But I was. - Yes, up in the gallery.

Bob...

His Honor, the governor.

Why, I used three taxis to sneak down here tonight.

Afraid somebody would follow me, afraid somebody would find out.

I'm through. I'm gonna do something I should have done years ago.

Now, please, darling, don't.

Why, I've taken your life almost as though I were a murderer.

Oh, I've been happy, honest, I have.

Watching you go ahead,

feeling as though I had something to do with it.

Why, you've had everything to do with it and gotten nothing out of it.

To see you go ahead? Is that nothing?

Why, I've watched you step by step go up.

Your honors have been my honors. Your success has been my success.

That's my pay, my reward.

I'm not going to let you take it away from me.

You'll get to the top, Bob. Nothing can stop you.

Nothing but a sense of decency and a Mr. Al Holland.

Oh, Holland can't hurt you.

I won't give him a chance. I'll beat him to it.

He sat up there on the platform this afternoon with all those people...

He sat up there and he was riding me.

My worst enemy, but he told the truth.

- He dared me to do the right thing. - You are doing the right thing.

I'm coming out in the open.

When I sat on that platform today with those people cheering me,

I felt just as low as a snake.

I wanted to tell the truth but...

I'm too much of a coward, I've always been a coward.

Oh, no, Bob, you...

You've been changing from place to place like a camp follower

so nobody would know.

We've lived like thieves, and what crime have we committed?

- I can't go it anymore. - Bob, be quiet.

I don't mind it anymore. I'm used to it.

Besides, I won't let you tear down a career.

I don't want a career. All I want is you and the rest can go to...

Oh, Bob, listen.

Can't you see it's too late? We don't count anymore.

How about your wife? She hasn't hurt anybody.

You owe her something.

I'm tired of hearing what I owe her. I've paid and I've paid plenty.

- Look what I owe you. - But what about Roberta?

She's engaged to be married.

If it makes any difference to him, he's not worth marrying.

Dear, I've got to do it.

I don't sleep anymore and I'm sick inside.

This is the one time when I've made up my own mind.

Whether you like it or not, I'm going through with it.

All right, Bob. What are we going to do?

Oh, dear, we'll... We'll run away, dear. We'll go back to Havana.

We'll be 66 and 99 again.

Whatever you say, dear.

Sweetheart...

Yeah? Oh, lay off misspelling his name. The guy apologized. Yeah.

Listen. We've uncovered some real dope, and I want you guys to get busy on it.

It's the biggest thing that ever hit us. You know what I mean.

We finally got the name of the hospital where the child was born

and the name of the mother, Jane Doe.

Yeah?

No, save that for the final edition. Yeah.

You three should be able to find out who Jane Doe is.

I know a haystack where we can find a swell needle.

I'm going in for crystal gazing myself.

So it's too much for you.

I'm running a school for journalism, am I?

I got to lead you guys around by the nose and show you?

Now, listen. Get this through your skulls.

I want the name of the nurse who handled the case.

I want to get her right here in this office.

If she squawks, promise her anything.

I want a copy of the birth certificate and the hospital admission card.

Find out what became of Jane Doe after she left the hospital,

where she went, where she worked, what she did.

I want Jane Doe right here in this office!

If you can't handle it, I'll find somebody who can.

- Busy, Mr. Holland? - Oh, hello, Lovelorn. Stick around.

Say, boss, what's it all about?

Read the Record, son, and ask your questions on the outside.

I wouldn't trust my mother with this story.

Pat will give you the details.

All right, court's adjourned.

So?

What are you doing tomorrow, Al?

Running a newspaper.

Could you...'?

Could you stop long enough to marry me?

Kidding?

Not unless you were.

Why all of a sudden?

Oh, well, somebody's got to take me out of the gutter.

Come here and give me a kiss.

Mind if I print it?

Oh, no, I'm doing it for the publicity.

Hello, Pat? Got a little squib for you.

Managing editor weds lovelorn editor.

Yeah, me.

Yeah, her. Nix, nix. You can have her picture, though.

Yeah. Second page for that.

Looks like Grover's our next governor.

Complete returns from two-thirds of the counties

gives him a plurality of 27,000 over Crandall.

I'll give you more later.

And now back to the main studio.

Don't you like your steak?

No, thanks. I'm not hungry.

Why aren't you down at the office on election night?

I'm working on a story.

- You vote today? - Yes.

For Grover?

Yes.

Well, I may let him be governor for a day at that.

No, thanks. What do you mean?

The sappy people of this state

may elect a hypocrite to the governor's chair,

but I'll knock him out of it.

Toast?

- You seem to be awfully positive. - Right.

Been working on a hunch, but now I've got the proof.

Proof of what, Al?

On the level, do you really love me?

Well, I married you.

Proof of what, Al?

Proof of what?

Proof that Grover's adopted daughter is his but not his wife's.

Proof that he's been living with another woman all these years.

I've got everything but a confession. And I'm working on that now.

Twenty years ago, a woman named Jane Doe registered at a maternity hospital.

There's a photo of her admission card, signed in her own handwriting.

Exhibit B, the receipt for your last salary check at the Record,

signed in your own handwriting.

C, a photostatic copy of the birth certificate of the child

born to Jane Doe, named Roberta.

And this.

A photograph which I found in your trunk

of you and your boyfriend making whoopie in Havana.

Nice story.

Nice story about me, but what's it got to do with Grover?

You learned something working for the Record, haven't you?

Let me read your letter,

which was addressed to you but you never received.

"Dear Lulu, you who kept faith with me for 20 years

walked out on me when I needed you most.

Perhaps you're right. Perhaps we're too old now.

Or have we combed enough wreckage out of our lives?

Your marriage to Holland, my worst enemy,

saves my wife her pride, and my daughter, your daughter, her good name.

But it deprives me for the rest of my life

of the happiness which, like the hypocrite I have learned to be,

"I now wish you. Bob."

Give me that. It's mine. You stole it!

Stole it? Of course I stole it. I'd commit murder for a story like that.

Al, listen, please.

You can do anything you want to with me, but don't print that story.

It'll only hurt a lot of people, and it won't help anybody.

It'll help me to forget what a sucker I've been.

You married me to keep Grover from spilling his guts.

Oh, please, you've got to understand.

- Grover hasn't been well. - Main, 2800.

- He's sick. - We'll have a relapse in the morning.

- Al, please. - I knew we had a skeleton in the closet.

- What a sucker. - Al, listen to me now, please.

My daughter doesn't know anything. She's engaged to be married.

I know why you married me. Hello? Give me the city desk.

Grover told you to.

Thought he could keep my mouth shut this way.

No, no, no, believe me, Al.

I married you to keep him from resigning. Al, listen!

Pat? This is Holland. Pull everything. I'm coming. I'll need the front page.

- You can't do that! - Never mind the election.

I'll tell you when I get there.

Don't you understand? It'll only hurt you too.

- I'm your wife. - What do you mean, wife?

Every time you kissed me, you thought of him.

I'm not as good as he is, am I? No.

When I'm through with him, you can have what's left of him.

Give me that letter! I won't let you do anything like that!

Give it to me!

Why, you!

Wait a minute, Al.

You hold that pose, I'll send up a photographer.

Al.

Put that gun down, Lulu.

Lulu, give me that gun.

Give me that gun.

Mrs. Thompson, somebody's shooting. Yes, on my floor.

Hold everything, folks.

Crandall concedes victory.

Grover elected governor by an overwhelming majority.

The governor got out of a sick bed to share a few words. Here he is now.

Governor Grover.

I'm too excited to say very much,

but I want to thank all the good people who made my election possible.

Open the door!

Open up!

Open the door!

Yeah, this is Wilkins, calling from the Capitol. Yeah.

No, there's nothing new. The governor's condition is the same.

Yeah. All right.

It's 8-to-5 he kicks off for the afternoon papers.

- He always did hate the Record. - I'll take that bet.

You won't catch me laying in the odds. He's liable to hang on for another year.

You newspaper guys are like vultures.

Always hanging around, waiting for someone to die.

Hey, Pop, how long have you been dead?

Don't go in. Don't go in.

But he sent for me, doctor.

All right. But just a moment at the most. The man doesn't know how sick he is.

I'll not be long.

How are you feeling, sir?

What kept you? Arguing with that fool doctor again, eh?

Well, he didn't want me to stay too long.

- Is she on her way? - She's down in my car now, sir.

- Why didn't you bring her up here? - Well, the reporters.

There's been so much talk about you pardoning her in less than a year.

After all, she is a murderess.

Let them talk. I'm still the governor.

I should have pardoned her the first week. Bring her in here.

Yes, sir.

- Oh, Arden. - Yes, sir?

- Get me a pen and paper. - Yes, sir.

- Can I help you, sir? - No, let me alone.

I had a cable from Europe.

Your wife and daughter are sailing at once.

Yes, yes. Bring Mrs. Holland up here.

Yes, sir.

Sixty-six.

Ninety-nine.

Funny. I was on my back the first time we met, wasn't I?

Let me look at you. Look here.

You know, you haven't changed.

You still look beautiful.

You look fine yourself, Bob.

I should have gone to prison instead of you,

but you never would let me do anything for you.

You mustn't talk, dear.

Read this, dear.

You'll never leave me anymore, will you, Lulu?

Never.

You were right, Bob. We should have gone away together.

I thought about it a lot in prison.

All the fun we missed because I was stubborn and obstinate.

But it isn't too late, dear.

Let's make a deal.

You get well, and I'll run away with you.

We'll go back to Havana on our honeymoon.

Wasn't it a grand holiday the last time?

The first time?

Remember the time we played roulette?

Then the next day I lost all our winnings on a horse.

And then we had champagne.

Remember the toast you drank to me?

To the world's best loser.

Remember, 99?

Bob.

Bob?

Bob!

The governor passed on at 2:25 pm.

Joe, the governor passed away at 2:25 this afternoon.

- City desk, governor died at 2:25 pm. - Passed on at 2:25.

Governor passed away at 2:25 this afternoon.

Read all about it here!

Extra, extra here! Governor Grover died!

Read all about the governor here! Read all about the governor here!

Extra, extra here! Governor Grover died!

Extra, extra here! Read all about it!

Extra, extra here! Governor Grover died!

Extra! Read all about the governor!