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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:48,683 --> 00:00:49,717 This is my nightmare. 2 00:00:58,526 --> 00:01:00,360 The film which you are about to see 3 00:01:00,460 --> 00:01:03,297 is the dramatized account of numerous tales 4 00:01:03,397 --> 00:01:05,567 and rumors surrounding sacred lands 5 00:01:05,667 --> 00:01:08,101 on the outskirts of a small desert town. 6 00:01:08,703 --> 00:01:10,872 Originally home to ancient tribes 7 00:01:10,939 --> 00:01:13,875 that were known to strip off and consume the flesh 8 00:01:14,074 --> 00:01:16,844 of their enemies to gain their knowledge and talents, 9 00:01:17,045 --> 00:01:18,746 it is believed that the descendants 10 00:01:18,880 --> 00:01:22,884 of these tribes protect the land from pillagers, wanderers 11 00:01:23,051 --> 00:01:23,952 and tourists. 12 00:01:24,351 --> 00:01:26,020 Some even claim to have witnessed 13 00:01:26,086 --> 00:01:29,156 the ritualistic practices continuing to this day. 14 00:01:29,724 --> 00:01:31,391 Now, I know what you're thinking... 15 00:01:31,626 --> 00:01:34,127 This part of our story is not very humorous, 16 00:01:34,394 --> 00:01:37,397 although our protagonist did in fact eat the meat 17 00:01:37,464 --> 00:01:38,933 right off of the "humerus" 18 00:01:39,099 --> 00:01:41,168 which is attached to the funny bone nerve, 19 00:01:41,301 --> 00:01:44,438 but the events that follow would lead to the discovery 20 00:01:44,706 --> 00:01:46,941 of one of the most bizarre mysteries 21 00:01:47,041 --> 00:01:48,475 in stand-up history, 22 00:01:48,610 --> 00:01:51,813 the debut of the original Cannibal Comedian. 23 00:04:19,794 --> 00:04:21,428 You know, I don't know why you were running. 24 00:04:22,864 --> 00:04:24,331 You got the guts. 25 00:04:28,936 --> 00:04:30,571 Mm... 26 00:04:32,039 --> 00:04:33,941 Yeah, that's gonna make a spicy meatball. 27 00:04:37,979 --> 00:04:39,279 You know... 28 00:04:39,346 --> 00:04:41,582 ...'cause I'm a cannibal, right? 29 00:04:43,751 --> 00:04:47,622 What do you get when you put a 60-year-old woman 30 00:04:48,623 --> 00:04:50,323 in a motorized wheelchair? 31 00:04:52,492 --> 00:04:55,062 Fast food, am I right? 32 00:04:55,630 --> 00:04:57,265 He knows, he knows. 33 00:05:00,835 --> 00:05:02,069 I was dating this girl. 34 00:05:02,503 --> 00:05:04,505 We, you know, ended up separating. 35 00:05:04,972 --> 00:05:06,174 Well, to be honest with you, 36 00:05:06,274 --> 00:05:09,243 I ended up separating her on my work bench. 37 00:05:13,014 --> 00:05:14,849 Oh, I'm killing up here tonight. 38 00:05:16,349 --> 00:05:17,652 I mean, I... I killed last night, 39 00:05:17,718 --> 00:05:18,619 but I wasn't here. 40 00:05:19,187 --> 00:05:21,522 Well, anyway, but I digest. 41 00:05:25,726 --> 00:05:26,861 I know, I know. 42 00:05:44,312 --> 00:05:47,281 "Oh, hello there. Would you like a meatball sub?" 43 00:05:47,347 --> 00:05:48,316 No, that's stupid. 44 00:05:50,952 --> 00:05:53,221 "Hey y'all, you want... you want some meatball?" Eh... 45 00:05:57,225 --> 00:05:58,960 "Can I interest you in a meatball 46 00:05:59,026 --> 00:06:00,427 submarine sandwich?" No. 47 00:06:01,863 --> 00:06:02,830 Ah... 48 00:06:03,396 --> 00:06:04,364 Knock knock. 49 00:06:04,866 --> 00:06:06,366 Who's there? Cannibal. 50 00:06:07,134 --> 00:06:08,435 Cannibal who? 51 00:06:18,746 --> 00:06:20,615 Why are we stopping here? 52 00:06:20,915 --> 00:06:22,917 I don't wanna miss DJ Electric Butterfly. 53 00:06:23,017 --> 00:06:24,451 She's only playing tonight. 54 00:06:24,552 --> 00:06:26,087 Take a chill pill, we won't miss it! 55 00:06:27,021 --> 00:06:28,155 That gas station has... 56 00:06:28,256 --> 00:06:29,422 ...perfectly fine hot dogs. 57 00:06:29,724 --> 00:06:33,194 You expect me to eat a hot dog from a gas station? 58 00:06:33,527 --> 00:06:35,363 Whatever, I'm a sucker for meatballs, though. 59 00:06:35,428 --> 00:06:37,265 - Hey, y'all, you hungry? - You betcha. 60 00:06:37,430 --> 00:06:38,465 Two subs? 61 00:06:40,735 --> 00:06:41,903 No? What? 62 00:06:42,036 --> 00:06:43,537 What are you, one of those vegans or something? 63 00:06:43,704 --> 00:06:44,906 I am, actually. 64 00:06:46,274 --> 00:06:48,242 - How about you, boy? - No way, Jose. 65 00:06:48,542 --> 00:06:50,443 - Yeah, that's what I thought. - Oh, I love myself 66 00:06:50,544 --> 00:06:52,179 - a meatball sandwich, baby. - All right. 67 00:06:53,247 --> 00:06:54,749 That'll be six big ones, chief. 68 00:06:55,049 --> 00:06:55,917 Here you go, 69 00:06:56,050 --> 00:06:57,417 - keep the change. - Uh. Thank you, my man. 70 00:06:57,484 --> 00:06:59,353 I bet you don't get much business out this way. 71 00:06:59,486 --> 00:07:01,555 Uh, I get some. 72 00:07:01,656 --> 00:07:02,757 How's the sub? 73 00:07:03,291 --> 00:07:04,892 These meatballs are off the chain, bro. 74 00:07:04,959 --> 00:07:05,826 What's your secret? 75 00:07:05,927 --> 00:07:08,129 Oh, you now, just a little preparation, 76 00:07:08,262 --> 00:07:11,198 freshest ingredients and of course, sense of humor. 77 00:07:13,401 --> 00:07:14,669 Okay, let's go. 78 00:07:19,507 --> 00:07:21,575 - No refunds. - Huh? 79 00:07:23,377 --> 00:07:24,679 Ouch, 80 00:07:24,779 --> 00:07:26,580 that's a splitting headache. 81 00:07:28,249 --> 00:07:32,320 ♪ Your time has come ♪ 82 00:07:32,485 --> 00:07:33,453 Hey, hey, where you going? 83 00:07:33,587 --> 00:07:34,622 I heard you're single. 84 00:07:44,065 --> 00:07:47,467 Please. 85 00:07:49,437 --> 00:07:50,538 Please help me. 86 00:07:50,771 --> 00:07:52,773 There's a man back there, and he's trying to kill me. 87 00:07:53,240 --> 00:07:54,709 He killed my boyfriend. 88 00:07:55,276 --> 00:07:57,645 Pardon me, honey, I have terrible hearing. 89 00:07:57,778 --> 00:07:59,613 You said you want a boyfriend? 90 00:07:59,780 --> 00:08:01,515 No, my boyfriend's dead. 91 00:08:01,882 --> 00:08:05,319 Please, unlock your car. 92 00:08:06,120 --> 00:08:08,322 He's trying to kill me, he's gonna kill you too. 93 00:08:08,422 --> 00:08:11,625 Oh sweetie, no one's going to kill me. 94 00:08:11,826 --> 00:08:15,196 Hey, putz, watch my ride! 95 00:08:16,263 --> 00:08:17,798 ♪ With your blood ♪ 96 00:08:20,101 --> 00:08:22,703 ♪ Your skeleton ♪ 97 00:08:23,304 --> 00:08:25,106 ♪ Rattles in the wind ♪ 98 00:08:30,011 --> 00:08:31,545 Come on, get her already! 99 00:08:44,825 --> 00:08:46,527 Keep her on ice for me! 100 00:08:47,128 --> 00:08:49,563 I can't wait to get a taste of that one. 101 00:09:30,438 --> 00:09:31,405 Where you been, Charlie? 102 00:09:31,906 --> 00:09:33,074 Playing with your meat again? 103 00:09:36,177 --> 00:09:37,546 I'll have the usual. 104 00:09:38,879 --> 00:09:40,515 Did you keep your promise? 105 00:09:40,714 --> 00:09:42,883 Oh, yeah. Yeah, I got her last night. 106 00:09:43,184 --> 00:09:47,388 - She ground up good. - Oh, I love fresh meat. Mm! 107 00:09:48,189 --> 00:09:49,223 Oh, yeah. 108 00:09:50,791 --> 00:09:53,461 Well... 109 00:09:54,261 --> 00:09:56,597 Bon appétit. 110 00:09:57,532 --> 00:09:59,633 Oh, you still working on your comedy? 111 00:10:00,535 --> 00:10:02,603 Eh. A little bit here and there. 112 00:10:03,370 --> 00:10:05,272 It's nice that you have a passion. 113 00:10:05,606 --> 00:10:07,475 It's, uh, it's gonna be good. 114 00:10:07,576 --> 00:10:09,376 I'm trying out some new stuff on my guests tonight. 115 00:10:09,610 --> 00:10:11,812 Oh, I have a friend, we should come down and see you. 116 00:10:12,146 --> 00:10:14,583 - No, don't, you don't have to. - What, why? 117 00:10:15,416 --> 00:10:17,017 Well, it's not quite ready yet. 118 00:10:17,685 --> 00:10:19,653 We don't like it, we won't laugh, we don't judge. 119 00:10:19,753 --> 00:10:20,754 Yeah, exactly. 120 00:10:21,622 --> 00:10:22,790 That's not what I meant. 121 00:10:23,390 --> 00:10:25,926 Oy, such a sensitive boy. 122 00:10:29,663 --> 00:10:31,999 ♪ I got it ♪ 123 00:10:32,133 --> 00:10:35,169 ♪ Don't push it baby, ride it ♪ 124 00:10:39,306 --> 00:10:43,144 ♪ I wanna fly away with you, baby ♪ 125 00:10:43,477 --> 00:10:46,847 ♪ Let's get away tired of waiting ♪ 126 00:10:46,947 --> 00:10:50,117 ♪ We're high in the clouds ♪ 127 00:10:50,184 --> 00:10:51,819 ♪ Never wanna come ♪ 128 00:10:52,453 --> 00:10:53,821 ♪ Down ♪ 129 00:10:53,954 --> 00:10:57,725 ♪ I got it ♪ 130 00:10:57,958 --> 00:11:00,794 ♪ Don't push it baby just ride it ♪ 131 00:11:01,295 --> 00:11:05,299 ♪ I got it ♪ 132 00:11:05,366 --> 00:11:08,469 ♪ Don't push it baby, ride it ♪ 133 00:11:12,641 --> 00:11:16,443 ♪ I wanna take a drive with you, baby ♪ 134 00:11:16,511 --> 00:11:20,214 ♪ Lay around all day just be lazy ♪ 135 00:11:20,381 --> 00:11:21,749 ♪ On the beach ♪ 136 00:11:21,916 --> 00:11:23,317 ♪ Feel the vibes ♪ 137 00:11:23,851 --> 00:11:26,754 ♪ In the ocean, it's alive ♪ 138 00:11:27,054 --> 00:11:29,390 ♪ I... ♪ 139 00:11:29,490 --> 00:11:31,091 ♪ I got it ♪ 140 00:11:31,192 --> 00:11:34,228 ♪ Don't push it baby, ride it ♪ 141 00:11:34,395 --> 00:11:36,997 ♪ I... ♪ 142 00:11:37,097 --> 00:11:38,365 ♪ Got it ♪ 143 00:11:38,499 --> 00:11:40,100 - ♪ Don't push it, baby ♪ - ♪ Don't push it, baby ♪ 144 00:11:40,367 --> 00:11:41,869 ♪ Ride it ♪ 145 00:11:51,412 --> 00:11:54,081 Hey, you need some help, ma'am? Oh, shit. 146 00:11:54,715 --> 00:11:56,784 Your car is smoking up a storm, come on in. 147 00:12:01,388 --> 00:12:03,123 Bless your heart. 148 00:12:03,924 --> 00:12:06,393 There are still wonderful people in this world. 149 00:12:06,528 --> 00:12:08,495 No problem, where are we heading? 150 00:12:08,563 --> 00:12:10,264 Oh, just up the road. 151 00:12:13,100 --> 00:12:16,971 - You are as pretty as a peach. - Hey! 152 00:12:17,672 --> 00:12:21,208 Sorry, I just couldn't help myself. 153 00:12:23,110 --> 00:12:27,281 Whatcha you doing way out here? A long way from home, aren't we? 154 00:12:27,781 --> 00:12:30,719 Ah, I got a music gig at a festival out this way. 155 00:12:33,387 --> 00:12:36,156 Talented and beautiful. 156 00:12:36,957 --> 00:12:40,461 I bet you get all the boys. 157 00:12:43,297 --> 00:12:46,900 Don't forget us little people when you become rich and famous. 158 00:12:47,101 --> 00:12:48,902 I won't. 159 00:12:50,137 --> 00:12:51,606 How much further up the road you do you live? 160 00:12:52,106 --> 00:12:53,474 Just a little further. 161 00:12:53,807 --> 00:12:58,946 So, are you meeting any friends or... or... or family out here? 162 00:12:59,780 --> 00:13:01,782 Nope, just me. Well... 163 00:13:04,151 --> 00:13:05,553 and my gran-gran. 164 00:13:06,186 --> 00:13:09,089 How'd you get this gig, if you don't mind me asking? 165 00:13:10,659 --> 00:13:13,927 Well, I entered a songwriter's competition 166 00:13:14,161 --> 00:13:16,731 - and sent them my demo. - They liked it? 167 00:13:17,264 --> 00:13:18,866 Well, obviously, they booked me. 168 00:13:29,877 --> 00:13:31,680 Over here, right in here. 169 00:13:55,135 --> 00:13:58,972 Nap time! 170 00:13:59,340 --> 00:14:01,442 Ooh, you're a tough, little bitch! 171 00:14:16,658 --> 00:14:19,460 Bitch gonna die! 172 00:14:19,627 --> 00:14:21,629 Bitch gonna die! 173 00:14:21,696 --> 00:14:23,397 Oh! 174 00:14:23,631 --> 00:14:25,667 Oh, I'm gonna cut that bitch's ovaries out, 175 00:14:25,834 --> 00:14:29,002 and I'm gonna poach them over avocado! 176 00:14:29,169 --> 00:14:30,037 Oh! 177 00:14:34,709 --> 00:14:36,410 What a show! 178 00:14:36,845 --> 00:14:38,345 Encore, come on! 179 00:14:41,248 --> 00:14:43,117 Everybody give a round of applause for Charlie, 180 00:14:43,217 --> 00:14:44,719 the Cannibal Comedian. 181 00:14:44,819 --> 00:14:47,488 Hey, how we all doing tonight? 182 00:14:47,589 --> 00:14:48,489 Good. 183 00:14:49,089 --> 00:14:51,559 So, uh, I was out with this girl last night. 184 00:14:52,126 --> 00:14:53,528 She wasn't too pretty on the outside, 185 00:14:53,595 --> 00:14:56,497 but, uh, as I say, "It's her insides that count." 186 00:14:56,564 --> 00:14:58,265 Right? 187 00:14:58,399 --> 00:15:00,200 I mean, it was only our first date 188 00:15:00,267 --> 00:15:01,669 and she was already spilling her guts. 189 00:15:04,606 --> 00:15:06,674 And then she started to get a little moody. 190 00:15:06,741 --> 00:15:08,843 So, uh, I asked her, "What's eating you?" 191 00:15:09,143 --> 00:15:10,712 And she said, "You are!" 192 00:15:10,845 --> 00:15:12,514 What the fuck? 193 00:15:12,781 --> 00:15:15,048 Hey, uh, it looks like we got a heckler out there. 194 00:15:15,583 --> 00:15:18,419 Let me go! 195 00:15:22,990 --> 00:15:25,392 You know, you're being extremely rude. 196 00:15:26,326 --> 00:15:27,796 Are you serious? 197 00:15:33,467 --> 00:15:36,738 - What is this? - What's going on? 198 00:15:38,573 --> 00:15:40,575 I'm doing a comedy show, duh. 199 00:15:41,975 --> 00:15:44,077 Who are you? 200 00:15:44,612 --> 00:15:47,549 I'm Char... I'm Charlie. 201 00:15:48,583 --> 00:15:50,585 I don't know what's happening... 202 00:15:50,652 --> 00:15:52,587 ...but I've got a big show to get to, 203 00:15:52,687 --> 00:15:55,289 and people are expecting me. 204 00:15:55,790 --> 00:15:58,959 What is that stench? It stinks in here. 205 00:15:59,627 --> 00:16:01,930 Oh, you'll get used to that. 206 00:16:02,429 --> 00:16:03,330 What? 207 00:16:03,932 --> 00:16:05,600 You don't know who you're messing with! 208 00:16:05,667 --> 00:16:07,836 I'll rip your fucking eyes out and shove them 209 00:16:07,936 --> 00:16:08,903 so far down your throat, 210 00:16:09,036 --> 00:16:10,939 you'll see me kick your fucking ass! 211 00:16:11,171 --> 00:16:12,339 Oh. 212 00:16:12,439 --> 00:16:14,943 Would I like to see that? Yes, I would. 213 00:16:15,042 --> 00:16:16,143 Oh! 214 00:16:16,276 --> 00:16:17,645 Feisty. 215 00:16:18,646 --> 00:16:19,647 I like that. 216 00:16:28,155 --> 00:16:31,826 Mm. Oh. 217 00:17:00,020 --> 00:17:01,388 This is Sheriff Weaver. 218 00:17:01,956 --> 00:17:03,858 I'm over here at the house on Desert Road. 219 00:17:30,217 --> 00:17:31,184 Hmm. 220 00:18:23,337 --> 00:18:25,573 - Hello, sir. - How can I help you? 221 00:18:25,907 --> 00:18:27,307 It is hotter out here 222 00:18:28,175 --> 00:18:30,143 than an M-80 up in an armadillo's ass. 223 00:18:32,446 --> 00:18:33,881 Catch you at a bad time? 224 00:18:34,181 --> 00:18:36,718 Uh, yeah, kind of. I was just sitting down to eat. 225 00:18:37,351 --> 00:18:40,454 Reason I'm up this way, is the disappearance of a girl. 226 00:18:41,421 --> 00:18:43,925 Huh? 227 00:18:45,292 --> 00:18:46,193 Just the one? 228 00:18:50,297 --> 00:18:52,132 Ooh. 229 00:18:52,199 --> 00:18:54,535 She's so pretty, she could make a wild boar chirp. 230 00:18:55,135 --> 00:18:56,671 Yeah, well, don't get any ideas, all right? 231 00:18:56,804 --> 00:18:59,306 - She's all mine. - She alive? 232 00:19:00,474 --> 00:19:03,678 - Yeah, with attitude. - Grind her up. 233 00:19:04,646 --> 00:19:06,080 I will, I will. 234 00:19:06,179 --> 00:19:08,683 You get too attached to your captives, 235 00:19:08,916 --> 00:19:10,317 especially the pretty ones. 236 00:19:13,387 --> 00:19:14,321 I'm sorry. 237 00:19:15,123 --> 00:19:17,324 Didn't want you to see me without my face on. 238 00:19:18,926 --> 00:19:20,227 So, where you got her shackled up at? 239 00:19:20,628 --> 00:19:21,663 Oh, she's in the room. 240 00:19:22,997 --> 00:19:24,832 So, what do you think of my performance just then? 241 00:19:25,099 --> 00:19:28,136 - Believable? - Hmm... Mediocre. 242 00:19:28,569 --> 00:19:29,671 Mediocre? 243 00:19:29,804 --> 00:19:32,106 That there was some Oscar material. 244 00:19:34,042 --> 00:19:38,146 Oh, what's that smell, is that beef stew that I smell? 245 00:19:38,211 --> 00:19:40,948 Uh, no, well, I was just having some-- 246 00:19:41,181 --> 00:19:43,350 Come on in, then. 247 00:19:44,018 --> 00:19:45,318 I'm so hungry. 248 00:19:45,419 --> 00:19:46,688 I could eat a horse... 249 00:19:46,988 --> 00:19:49,524 ...and chase the jockey for the dessert! 250 00:20:00,267 --> 00:20:02,170 You got a spoon? Mm. 251 00:20:04,337 --> 00:20:06,674 Yeah, there we go. 252 00:20:07,240 --> 00:20:08,208 Mm-mm. 253 00:20:10,410 --> 00:20:12,580 So, you just talking in one liners now? 254 00:20:12,814 --> 00:20:15,348 I got more lines than a coked-out rock star. 255 00:20:17,384 --> 00:20:18,586 What would you know about that? 256 00:20:19,187 --> 00:20:20,188 Whatever. 257 00:20:20,287 --> 00:20:21,823 Hey, how's your comedy coming along? 258 00:20:23,057 --> 00:20:24,726 - It's coming along. - Oh, yeah, yeah? 259 00:20:24,859 --> 00:20:25,860 Tell me a joke. 260 00:20:26,561 --> 00:20:29,063 Um. You, dipshit. 261 00:20:29,864 --> 00:20:30,865 Oh, so you think you're gonna make 262 00:20:30,932 --> 00:20:32,466 a career outta being a funny man? 263 00:20:32,633 --> 00:20:34,401 And why wouldn't I? 264 00:20:34,602 --> 00:20:36,269 'Cause you need to have an audience 265 00:20:36,369 --> 00:20:37,471 to make it in these days. 266 00:20:37,638 --> 00:20:39,040 I do have an audience. 267 00:20:40,074 --> 00:20:41,743 I ain't talking about your captives, 268 00:20:42,375 --> 00:20:43,310 they don't count. 269 00:20:44,212 --> 00:20:45,445 Oh, they count. 270 00:20:47,247 --> 00:20:48,448 I'm just trying to help. 271 00:20:49,751 --> 00:20:50,752 Well, you're not. 272 00:20:53,187 --> 00:20:57,024 You know, you got a real shit hole here. 273 00:20:59,326 --> 00:21:02,395 Yeah, and I love it. 274 00:21:03,965 --> 00:21:05,666 They really are, too. 275 00:21:06,968 --> 00:21:10,303 Oh, come on down to The Funny Pit, would ya? 276 00:21:10,403 --> 00:21:13,406 We're gonna feature comedians from television 277 00:21:13,473 --> 00:21:16,077 and local favorites like Benny Bull Shorts 278 00:21:16,144 --> 00:21:18,780 and Freaky Franky Fantastic. 279 00:21:18,880 --> 00:21:22,049 We've got drink specials too, which is rare. 280 00:21:22,116 --> 00:21:23,951 Every Monday is our open mic night. 281 00:21:24,085 --> 00:21:26,788 So, even if you're not funny, you too can get on stage. 282 00:21:26,921 --> 00:21:28,823 So, come on down and make us laugh 283 00:21:28,956 --> 00:21:32,527 at The Funny Pit, would ya? 284 00:21:32,660 --> 00:21:35,328 Oh, man, what a funny cartoon that I made. 285 00:21:35,428 --> 00:21:37,364 Hi, I'm Carrey the Entertainer, 286 00:21:37,532 --> 00:21:40,001 and if comedy makes you laugh, boy howdy, 287 00:21:40,101 --> 00:21:41,502 do I got the place for you! 288 00:21:41,602 --> 00:21:43,336 You should come down to The Funny Pit. 289 00:21:43,470 --> 00:21:46,339 We got comedy, we got standup, we got it all! 290 00:21:46,439 --> 00:21:48,643 And tickets are absolutely free 291 00:21:48,709 --> 00:21:50,310 with the purchase of a three-drink minimum, 292 00:21:50,377 --> 00:21:51,311 of course. 293 00:21:51,378 --> 00:21:54,015 So, come on down and meet me, Carrey. 294 00:21:54,115 --> 00:21:55,616 I'm the nicest guy around, 295 00:21:55,716 --> 00:21:58,318 and I'm told I'm the funniest. Who's to argue? 296 00:21:58,385 --> 00:22:01,488 So, don't forget this mug, Carrey, and come on down. 297 00:22:01,556 --> 00:22:04,292 We're located in the middle of the desert, bye! 298 00:22:11,732 --> 00:22:13,267 Did you... 299 00:22:26,413 --> 00:22:33,187 ♪ I had this emptiness inside me ♪ 300 00:22:35,189 --> 00:22:40,228 ♪ I walk around every day ♪ 301 00:22:43,865 --> 00:22:46,033 ♪ I wanna eat ya ♪ 302 00:22:46,133 --> 00:22:50,771 ♪ But you won't stay ♪ 303 00:22:51,739 --> 00:22:55,610 ♪ Soulless ♪ 304 00:22:55,843 --> 00:22:57,011 You know how hard it is to get out there 305 00:22:57,078 --> 00:22:58,246 and do standup comedy? 306 00:22:59,180 --> 00:23:00,514 You know, you've never even tried. 307 00:23:01,849 --> 00:23:03,918 Look at you, sitting in that chair. 308 00:23:04,752 --> 00:23:07,454 Never laughing, like you could have done it better. 309 00:23:10,024 --> 00:23:11,259 You don't have the guts. 310 00:23:14,195 --> 00:23:15,062 I am funny. 311 00:23:19,600 --> 00:23:21,569 ♪ When you're taken to the back room ♪ 312 00:23:26,941 --> 00:23:29,377 ♪ When the hoods ripped off ♪ 313 00:23:30,578 --> 00:23:33,014 ♪ You cannot deny ♪ 314 00:23:35,116 --> 00:23:37,585 ♪ Before your eyes your inside ♪ 315 00:23:37,718 --> 00:23:39,887 ♪ Blood-stained walls ♪ 316 00:23:42,123 --> 00:23:44,625 ♪ His sadistic feelings climb ♪ 317 00:23:45,893 --> 00:23:48,396 ♪ You try and call ♪ 318 00:23:49,897 --> 00:23:51,732 What? 319 00:23:55,036 --> 00:23:55,970 Yes? 320 00:23:56,370 --> 00:23:58,072 Did you dispose of Chrystal yet? 321 00:23:59,407 --> 00:24:00,975 I want a taste of that pretty one. 322 00:24:01,776 --> 00:24:03,911 - No, not yet. - Why not? 323 00:24:03,978 --> 00:24:05,780 I'll get to her when I get to her, all right? 324 00:24:08,849 --> 00:24:10,418 Hey! 325 00:24:15,690 --> 00:24:17,457 You ready to play nice? 326 00:24:21,494 --> 00:24:23,831 What the fuck, man? 327 00:24:31,973 --> 00:24:34,108 I seen shows about guys like you. 328 00:24:35,109 --> 00:24:38,846 Kidnapping, torturing people. 329 00:24:39,447 --> 00:24:41,782 You sickos get off on that shit. 330 00:24:43,150 --> 00:24:46,020 I'm not giving you the satisfaction, motherfucker. 331 00:24:47,054 --> 00:24:49,724 - You won't? - No, I won't. 332 00:24:51,792 --> 00:24:54,362 Okay, well, I'll just have to let you go then. 333 00:24:54,562 --> 00:24:57,264 - Okay, good move. - Changed my mind. 334 00:24:57,865 --> 00:25:00,868 - Why? - I mean, we just met. 335 00:25:01,836 --> 00:25:03,371 Wouldn't you think it'd be a little rude? 336 00:25:04,105 --> 00:25:06,007 Not rude at all, I'm okay with it. 337 00:25:08,142 --> 00:25:12,113 - So, you're okay with staying? - Real funny. 338 00:25:13,214 --> 00:25:16,217 - Think so? - No, I don't. 339 00:25:33,934 --> 00:25:35,936 And now, TV 10 news. 340 00:25:36,070 --> 00:25:37,671 Good evening, I'm Bart Cooper. 341 00:25:37,772 --> 00:25:39,340 And this is the Valley Desert News. 342 00:25:39,740 --> 00:25:40,941 Our top story tonight, 343 00:25:41,208 --> 00:25:43,878 the strange disappearance of Chrystal Jennings. 344 00:25:44,078 --> 00:25:46,080 Last seen leaving the country liquor market... 345 00:25:46,213 --> 00:25:47,248 - Oh. - ...outside town, 346 00:25:47,516 --> 00:25:48,382 she was on her way to play 347 00:25:48,749 --> 00:25:49,850 - Well, this is a good bit. - ...a music festival 348 00:25:49,917 --> 00:25:51,252 and shortly thereafter, 349 00:25:51,419 --> 00:25:53,587 reported missing by her grandmother. 350 00:25:54,755 --> 00:25:58,392 Chrystal, honey, it's granny. 351 00:25:59,493 --> 00:26:00,628 I'm so worried, 352 00:26:00,761 --> 00:26:04,165 - please come home. - Oh! 353 00:26:04,231 --> 00:26:06,801 If anybody has her out there, 354 00:26:07,435 --> 00:26:10,237 please, please let her go, 355 00:26:10,438 --> 00:26:12,740 she's an angel. 356 00:26:12,807 --> 00:26:14,942 And I just want her home. 357 00:26:17,611 --> 00:26:19,548 That's some real compelling stuff. 358 00:26:19,647 --> 00:26:21,215 In other news, 359 00:26:21,282 --> 00:26:23,717 a local hunter lands a prize of a lifetime, 360 00:26:24,251 --> 00:26:26,854 with a marriage proposal. 361 00:26:26,954 --> 00:26:29,290 She said, "Yes," I guess you could say... 362 00:26:29,390 --> 00:26:30,958 ...the hunt is over. 363 00:26:32,293 --> 00:26:34,128 The clowns didn't attack 364 00:26:34,261 --> 00:26:35,830 until the fat lady sang? 365 00:26:36,197 --> 00:26:37,566 I know, it's weird, isn't it? 366 00:26:37,932 --> 00:26:38,966 But it's the truth. 367 00:26:41,302 --> 00:26:42,937 Funny. 368 00:26:47,475 --> 00:26:51,779 ♪ It was like love at first sight ♪ 369 00:26:53,114 --> 00:26:55,282 ♪ When I looked into your eyes ♪ 370 00:26:55,816 --> 00:26:57,685 ♪ For the very first time ♪ 371 00:26:58,018 --> 00:26:59,987 ♪ I knew ♪ 372 00:27:00,788 --> 00:27:02,423 ♪ You felt it too ♪ 373 00:27:03,657 --> 00:27:06,127 ♪ In this crowded room ♪ 374 00:27:07,294 --> 00:27:08,696 ♪ Only you ♪ 375 00:27:08,963 --> 00:27:13,267 ♪ Your love, love, love love, love, love, love ♪ 376 00:27:14,869 --> 00:27:16,770 ♪ Is real ♪ 377 00:27:17,638 --> 00:27:20,274 ♪ And I like the way it feels ♪ 378 00:27:20,407 --> 00:27:24,278 ♪ Your love, love, love love, love, love, love ♪ 379 00:27:25,779 --> 00:27:28,282 ♪ Is real ♪ 380 00:27:28,517 --> 00:27:31,418 ♪ And I love the way it feels ♪ 381 00:27:31,520 --> 00:27:34,688 ♪ Love, love, love love, love, love, love ♪ 382 00:27:34,855 --> 00:27:36,190 When they found the body of that 383 00:27:36,290 --> 00:27:37,791 - eight-foot clown creature... - Uh, Chrys-- Chrystal? 384 00:27:37,858 --> 00:27:39,426 ...in the middle of my retrial, 385 00:27:39,727 --> 00:27:40,961 yeah, that's when they believed me. 386 00:27:52,339 --> 00:27:56,076 You okay, Bro? 387 00:27:56,310 --> 00:27:58,613 Hell yeah, man. 388 00:27:59,180 --> 00:28:00,381 Heavy hit, Dude. 389 00:28:00,915 --> 00:28:03,450 Hey, we gotta find this stash, man. 390 00:28:03,518 --> 00:28:05,386 The celebrity center, they don't fuck around. 391 00:28:05,520 --> 00:28:08,623 - Right? Those kids are serious. - Right? 392 00:28:09,156 --> 00:28:10,191 All right, all right, all right. 393 00:28:10,324 --> 00:28:14,461 I know I triangulated myself between the North Star, 394 00:28:15,062 --> 00:28:18,232 the radio tower over at Kearney, and... 395 00:28:19,366 --> 00:28:20,834 that house over there! 396 00:28:25,472 --> 00:28:27,775 You hear about that new movie Constipation? 397 00:28:28,108 --> 00:28:30,077 - Yeah. - Hasn't come out yet. 398 00:28:31,345 --> 00:28:32,647 - You like that? - I do. 399 00:28:32,713 --> 00:28:33,582 All right, all right. 400 00:28:33,847 --> 00:28:36,551 How do you tell the difference between a boy ghost 401 00:28:36,685 --> 00:28:37,851 and a girl ghost? 402 00:28:38,752 --> 00:28:39,720 Uh... 403 00:28:41,121 --> 00:28:45,125 - Boobs! - That's... that's cute. 404 00:28:45,226 --> 00:28:46,661 All right, no, that's cute. 405 00:28:48,028 --> 00:28:49,930 No. 406 00:28:50,565 --> 00:28:51,498 What? 407 00:28:53,867 --> 00:28:55,503 Well, that guy must have taken it. 408 00:29:03,244 --> 00:29:04,778 Let's see what this was. 409 00:29:16,090 --> 00:29:19,728 I can't sell this. 410 00:29:20,361 --> 00:29:21,428 That'd be illegal. 411 00:29:23,698 --> 00:29:24,765 Hey, hey, hey! 412 00:29:25,232 --> 00:29:27,067 You go in the front, I'll take the back. 413 00:29:27,535 --> 00:29:29,370 I'll go in the front, you take the back. 414 00:29:29,604 --> 00:29:30,572 - All right. - All right. 415 00:30:03,337 --> 00:30:05,774 Yo! Bro. Dude. 416 00:30:06,775 --> 00:30:08,275 Fucking scared the shit outta me. 417 00:30:08,777 --> 00:30:12,681 The back door was opened. 418 00:30:15,684 --> 00:30:16,685 Did you hear that? 419 00:30:28,062 --> 00:30:29,196 Jackpot. 420 00:30:33,635 --> 00:30:38,072 Bitch get freaky like that! 421 00:30:38,238 --> 00:30:39,774 Yeah, let's get it on! 422 00:30:44,044 --> 00:30:45,379 What'd she say? 423 00:30:47,881 --> 00:30:49,249 Behind you! 424 00:30:52,052 --> 00:30:56,256 Heavy hit... 425 00:31:53,581 --> 00:31:55,784 No shit. 426 00:32:08,929 --> 00:32:11,331 I like your voice! 427 00:32:11,866 --> 00:32:12,767 Huh? 428 00:32:13,635 --> 00:32:16,604 Your album, "Soulless," it's my favorite! 429 00:32:17,539 --> 00:32:19,072 Figured you'd like that one. 430 00:32:19,973 --> 00:32:21,175 Can you take your headphones off? 431 00:32:21,275 --> 00:32:22,276 What? 432 00:32:22,342 --> 00:32:23,745 You're talking real loud. 433 00:32:24,344 --> 00:32:25,979 Oh! Oh, yeah. 434 00:32:26,079 --> 00:32:28,081 You... you got some... got some good stuff here. 435 00:32:29,717 --> 00:32:30,885 Definitely some hits. 436 00:32:32,319 --> 00:32:35,890 Shit, if only you were the head of a major record label. 437 00:32:41,328 --> 00:32:42,996 Yeah, lately they're coming straight to me. 438 00:32:43,665 --> 00:32:45,265 I should open my own butcher shop. 439 00:33:00,214 --> 00:33:02,483 Oh, smoked meat. 440 00:33:02,684 --> 00:33:04,485 Oh. 441 00:33:05,452 --> 00:33:08,222 Tell ya, you stoners are sure giving me the munchies. 442 00:33:16,196 --> 00:33:18,031 I, uh... I can't do this. 443 00:33:18,999 --> 00:33:20,067 What now? 444 00:33:20,869 --> 00:33:23,003 Well... 445 00:33:24,973 --> 00:33:26,508 Is this about the standup? 446 00:33:31,946 --> 00:33:33,815 You're like a broken record, dude. 447 00:33:36,016 --> 00:33:37,217 I don't know if I have it in me-- 448 00:33:37,317 --> 00:33:39,052 You spineless piece of shit. 449 00:33:39,621 --> 00:33:41,255 You're never gonna amount to anything. 450 00:33:41,723 --> 00:33:43,791 Why don't you just give me a break, man? 451 00:33:44,057 --> 00:33:45,860 "Why don't you give me a break, man?" 452 00:33:45,960 --> 00:33:47,862 I'm a standup comedian, damn it. 453 00:33:48,061 --> 00:33:49,096 Oh, really? 454 00:33:50,097 --> 00:33:51,031 Really. 455 00:33:52,266 --> 00:33:54,903 Well, are you gonna go out and do the open mic or what? 456 00:33:56,336 --> 00:33:58,806 I don't really know yet. 457 00:34:00,240 --> 00:34:01,976 Pathetic. 458 00:34:03,043 --> 00:34:04,546 You know, if you're so smart, 459 00:34:04,646 --> 00:34:06,046 why don't you think of something? 460 00:34:06,648 --> 00:34:08,550 We're the same person, dummy. 461 00:34:09,116 --> 00:34:11,019 I am just as smart as you are. 462 00:34:13,688 --> 00:34:14,589 Hmm. 463 00:34:16,558 --> 00:34:17,659 Chrystal. 464 00:34:17,759 --> 00:34:19,827 Jinx! 465 00:34:32,006 --> 00:34:33,206 See what I gotta put up with here? 466 00:34:42,149 --> 00:34:43,718 I don't know if I can do this. 467 00:34:43,918 --> 00:34:46,588 I... I can't, I can't do-- 468 00:34:46,688 --> 00:34:48,022 Well, what do you think I should do? 469 00:34:48,723 --> 00:34:49,958 Why are you asking me? 470 00:34:50,090 --> 00:34:51,793 Because, you know, you're... 471 00:34:51,893 --> 00:34:53,027 ...you're a performer. 472 00:34:53,260 --> 00:34:55,395 You've... you've experienced this before. 473 00:34:55,462 --> 00:34:56,764 You know, the pressure. 474 00:34:57,264 --> 00:34:58,398 The pressure? 475 00:34:58,900 --> 00:34:59,934 That's nothing compared 476 00:35:00,034 --> 00:35:01,703 to what you've been putting me through. 477 00:35:02,971 --> 00:35:04,706 Jesus, I can't believe 478 00:35:04,772 --> 00:35:07,075 I'm talking to you like a normal fucking person. 479 00:35:07,775 --> 00:35:09,711 You brutally slaughtered two guys in front of me 480 00:35:09,777 --> 00:35:11,278 the other day, and... 481 00:35:11,445 --> 00:35:12,947 ...I don't even know if you're gonna kill me. 482 00:35:13,081 --> 00:35:15,617 Can we just focus on the problem at hand, please? 483 00:35:16,618 --> 00:35:17,484 Focus? 484 00:35:18,052 --> 00:35:19,419 Just go and do the show already. 485 00:35:19,486 --> 00:35:21,321 When do you ever get out of this shit hole? 486 00:35:22,790 --> 00:35:24,993 I get out, I venture out sometimes, 487 00:35:25,093 --> 00:35:28,663 you know, not very far and maybe not for too long. 488 00:35:30,430 --> 00:35:33,133 Well, maybe that's why you're such a psycho. 489 00:35:34,301 --> 00:35:35,770 Or is it the poor toilet training? 490 00:35:36,070 --> 00:35:37,939 Look, 491 00:35:38,673 --> 00:35:41,375 if you want to do comedy for real, just fucking do it. 492 00:35:42,744 --> 00:35:44,478 I mean, if you don't go to prison for murder 493 00:35:44,612 --> 00:35:46,814 or anything. 494 00:35:47,782 --> 00:35:50,084 You gotta take risks in life. 495 00:35:51,919 --> 00:35:54,555 I'd rather fail trying than not try at all. 496 00:35:55,089 --> 00:35:56,189 And that's my motto. 497 00:35:59,192 --> 00:36:01,796 You know, maybe you're right. 498 00:36:03,397 --> 00:36:04,532 Yeah, no, you're right. 499 00:36:06,000 --> 00:36:07,300 You're right, I could do this. 500 00:36:08,335 --> 00:36:11,506 Yeah, no, I'm... I'm going, I'm doing this. 501 00:36:27,789 --> 00:36:28,856 Hey, Charlie. 502 00:36:29,691 --> 00:36:31,726 So, uh, tonight's the big night, huh? 503 00:36:32,026 --> 00:36:33,193 Sure is. 504 00:36:33,360 --> 00:36:34,696 Mm. 505 00:36:34,796 --> 00:36:37,264 You be careful now, hear? And you, uh, you break a leg. 506 00:36:38,032 --> 00:36:39,067 Hey, thanks. 507 00:36:39,667 --> 00:36:41,736 And don't forget to bring it home 508 00:36:41,969 --> 00:36:43,604 while it's still fresh. 509 00:36:45,139 --> 00:36:46,174 Right. 510 00:36:46,841 --> 00:36:48,275 Hey! What are you doing? 511 00:36:48,375 --> 00:36:50,144 Scoot over, you're not driving tonight. 512 00:36:50,243 --> 00:36:51,145 Oh... 513 00:36:51,211 --> 00:36:52,446 Your license is expired. 514 00:36:52,547 --> 00:36:54,414 - They grow up so fast. - Move over. 515 00:36:57,618 --> 00:36:58,553 Mm. 516 00:37:15,169 --> 00:37:17,404 ♪ I'm losing my cool ♪ 517 00:37:17,471 --> 00:37:19,707 ♪ I feel like a fool ♪ 518 00:37:20,208 --> 00:37:23,611 ♪ What's wrong with me ♪ 519 00:37:24,612 --> 00:37:26,848 ♪ I wanna numb the pain ♪ 520 00:37:27,280 --> 00:37:29,217 ♪ Never feel again ♪ 521 00:37:29,717 --> 00:37:33,888 ♪ What's the point anyway? ♪ 522 00:37:33,955 --> 00:37:35,790 ♪ Pushing and driving ♪ 523 00:37:36,289 --> 00:37:38,192 ♪ Taking the wheel ♪ 524 00:37:38,291 --> 00:37:41,028 ♪ I've been running around in quicksand ♪ 525 00:37:41,195 --> 00:37:43,598 ♪ Never realizing ♪ 526 00:37:43,865 --> 00:37:45,432 ♪ I'm locked up ♪ 527 00:37:45,666 --> 00:37:47,400 ♪ Inside my head ♪ 528 00:37:47,568 --> 00:37:52,405 ♪ I need to break free from this nonfictional prison ♪ 529 00:37:52,472 --> 00:37:53,440 ♪ Wow ♪ 530 00:37:53,641 --> 00:37:54,976 ♪ I'm locked up ♪ 531 00:37:55,275 --> 00:37:57,078 ♪ Inside my head ♪ 532 00:37:57,145 --> 00:38:00,782 ♪ I need to break free ♪ 533 00:38:02,449 --> 00:38:05,153 ♪ My spirit has been burnt out ♪ 534 00:38:05,253 --> 00:38:07,588 ♪ Come on, baby, light it up ♪ 535 00:38:11,225 --> 00:38:14,327 I have a twin brother. 536 00:38:16,164 --> 00:38:18,431 Not identical. 537 00:38:20,134 --> 00:38:22,503 Since the fire. 538 00:38:30,077 --> 00:38:31,846 Oh, coming from work. 539 00:38:41,354 --> 00:38:43,291 What else... what else? Uh... 540 00:38:44,625 --> 00:38:46,861 - Hopefully nothing! - Shut the fuck up, Frank! 541 00:38:50,198 --> 00:38:52,633 Hey, bud, you here for the open mic? 542 00:38:53,267 --> 00:38:54,735 - Yeah. - First time? 543 00:38:56,504 --> 00:38:58,371 Time to pop the cherry! 544 00:38:59,540 --> 00:39:01,576 - Are you a comedian too? - No. 545 00:39:02,342 --> 00:39:05,213 Just fucking with you, dude. Everyone here's a comic. 546 00:39:06,113 --> 00:39:07,414 At least they think they are. 547 00:39:08,381 --> 00:39:09,684 Especially this guy. 548 00:39:12,286 --> 00:39:14,689 Here, uh, put your name on this 549 00:39:14,822 --> 00:39:16,657 and we'll drop it in the pitcher over there, 550 00:39:16,824 --> 00:39:18,358 and the emcee will call your name. 551 00:39:18,826 --> 00:39:21,696 - You want something to drink? - No, I'm all right. 552 00:39:23,598 --> 00:39:26,133 - You doing a character tonight? - What do you mean? 553 00:39:26,200 --> 00:39:27,500 What's with the whole apron 554 00:39:27,568 --> 00:39:28,769 and the bloody shirt? 555 00:39:29,369 --> 00:39:32,506 - You a butcher or something? - Oh, a cannibal. 556 00:39:33,174 --> 00:39:35,543 Nice, cannibal comic! 557 00:39:36,443 --> 00:39:37,444 Yeah! 558 00:39:37,979 --> 00:39:40,548 Ah, that's original, haven't seen that before. 559 00:39:41,148 --> 00:39:43,751 So, I just deleted all the German names 560 00:39:43,851 --> 00:39:45,019 from my phone. 561 00:39:45,418 --> 00:39:50,024 It's now completely Hans free. 562 00:39:50,558 --> 00:39:53,527 Will you light this guy already? Jesus. 563 00:39:54,061 --> 00:39:55,763 Enough with the fucking running the light. 564 00:39:55,863 --> 00:39:57,164 Don't be that guy, all right? 565 00:39:57,430 --> 00:40:00,467 You get five minutes, man. Get off, don't be that guy. 566 00:40:03,436 --> 00:40:06,240 Guess that's my time... 567 00:40:07,341 --> 00:40:09,476 So, what do you say, Bruce? 568 00:40:09,577 --> 00:40:13,915 Oh... Whatever you want, Carrey. I didn't even like those jokes! 569 00:40:14,048 --> 00:40:15,950 So, you're not gonna say anything, right? 570 00:40:16,050 --> 00:40:17,385 No way, man. 571 00:40:17,484 --> 00:40:21,122 It's officially your material. 572 00:40:21,289 --> 00:40:22,690 And this meeting, it never happened, 573 00:40:22,790 --> 00:40:24,058 not ever in your life. 574 00:40:24,358 --> 00:40:27,962 - What meeting? - Exactly. 575 00:40:28,095 --> 00:40:30,398 We got a special guest coming for you guys. 576 00:40:30,497 --> 00:40:31,431 A special treat. 577 00:40:31,532 --> 00:40:35,503 Coming to the stage is Carrey the Entertainer! 578 00:40:37,238 --> 00:40:40,074 Hey everybody! My name's Carrey. 579 00:40:40,508 --> 00:40:43,277 Not to be confused with, uh, Jim Carrey. 580 00:40:46,047 --> 00:40:47,782 Did you hear about that frog that parked his car 581 00:40:47,848 --> 00:40:49,517 in the restricted zone? 582 00:40:49,984 --> 00:40:51,484 Yeah, he got toad. 583 00:40:51,585 --> 00:40:52,853 He got toad! 584 00:40:54,588 --> 00:40:57,490 Yo! 585 00:40:57,591 --> 00:41:00,294 You know, technology today, man, they're taking over our kids. 586 00:41:00,695 --> 00:41:02,430 You know, I remember back in my day, 587 00:41:02,630 --> 00:41:04,464 if a bully came up to me at school 588 00:41:04,765 --> 00:41:06,634 and demanded lunch money, you just have to give it to 'em. 589 00:41:06,767 --> 00:41:09,437 Now, it's like, "Hey, transfer me your lunch money 590 00:41:09,503 --> 00:41:10,938 through the Cashapp." 591 00:41:11,105 --> 00:41:12,807 You got bullies sending invoices now. 592 00:41:13,074 --> 00:41:14,408 Do you accept yes or no? 593 00:41:14,508 --> 00:41:16,978 Hell yeah. 594 00:41:17,345 --> 00:41:19,080 Question for you, what do you call a midget, 595 00:41:19,313 --> 00:41:21,315 that lies, cheats and steals, huh? 596 00:41:22,183 --> 00:41:24,552 You call him a real low life! 597 00:41:24,685 --> 00:41:26,020 'Cause he's a midget! 598 00:41:26,320 --> 00:41:30,691 Sorry, little midget. 599 00:41:30,825 --> 00:41:32,827 Out of respect. 600 00:41:33,527 --> 00:41:35,730 I guess that's my time, folks, thank you so much. 601 00:41:35,863 --> 00:41:37,531 Three-drink minimum... 602 00:41:41,535 --> 00:41:43,471 Even Bruce's jokes suck. 603 00:41:45,906 --> 00:41:47,308 Well, uh, welcome to open mic. 604 00:41:47,441 --> 00:41:49,176 We about to get this thing started. 605 00:41:49,276 --> 00:41:52,279 So, we got the next comic coming to the stage. 606 00:41:52,680 --> 00:41:54,548 Uh, I've never seen him before, 607 00:41:54,682 --> 00:41:58,886 but he calls himself the Cannibal Comedian, Charlie. 608 00:41:58,986 --> 00:42:00,187 Is Charlie in the house? 609 00:42:00,321 --> 00:42:01,322 Come on up, Charlie. 610 00:42:01,522 --> 00:42:03,491 Give it up for Charlie, y'all. 611 00:42:03,891 --> 00:42:06,127 Sorry. Hey, hi everybody. 612 00:42:06,894 --> 00:42:07,928 Uh. 613 00:42:10,297 --> 00:42:11,532 So-- 614 00:42:11,766 --> 00:42:13,667 So, I was going out with this girl the other night, 615 00:42:14,368 --> 00:42:17,338 and, uh, she wasn't too pretty on the outside, but, uh, 616 00:42:17,405 --> 00:42:19,040 well her insides sure were tasty. 617 00:42:21,609 --> 00:42:24,478 I mean, she was already opening up to me, the first date, 618 00:42:24,879 --> 00:42:26,515 uh, with the help of a fishing knife. 619 00:42:28,749 --> 00:42:31,318 And, um... ...you know, she was real smart. 620 00:42:31,585 --> 00:42:34,855 She had... she had big brains, they were delicious. 621 00:42:37,358 --> 00:42:39,927 But, unfortunately I had to dump her the next day, 622 00:42:40,027 --> 00:42:43,230 'cause, uh... the smell was getting pretty bad. 623 00:42:43,330 --> 00:42:45,366 Oh, no. 624 00:42:45,499 --> 00:42:47,201 I'm... I'm a starving artist, 625 00:42:47,735 --> 00:42:49,270 but, uh, it's people like you guys 626 00:42:49,403 --> 00:42:52,573 that really fill me up. 627 00:42:54,375 --> 00:42:57,078 Yeah, so, um... 628 00:42:57,645 --> 00:42:59,647 You know, I... I gotta admit, 629 00:42:59,814 --> 00:43:02,616 not all my food has been as warm as you guys. 630 00:43:02,917 --> 00:43:05,286 I occasionally enjoy a cold shoulder. 631 00:43:08,989 --> 00:43:10,724 Anyway, I think that's my time, guys. 632 00:43:10,791 --> 00:43:15,129 Uh, thank you. Appreciate it. 633 00:43:17,932 --> 00:43:19,233 Dude, good set. 634 00:43:19,300 --> 00:43:20,801 Thank you man, appreciate that. 635 00:43:21,302 --> 00:43:23,771 - Hey, I'm Carrey. - Charlie. 636 00:43:23,838 --> 00:43:25,840 Charlie, I loved your set. 637 00:43:26,407 --> 00:43:27,542 Was this your first time up? 638 00:43:27,675 --> 00:43:30,211 Yeah, yeah, actually-- Well, I've done it before, but... 639 00:43:30,478 --> 00:43:31,846 - Uh-huh. - ...a little more, uh, 640 00:43:32,113 --> 00:43:33,214 like an intimate thing. 641 00:43:33,280 --> 00:43:35,149 Intimate... I know what you mean. 642 00:43:35,683 --> 00:43:37,251 So, where have you been hiding, huh? 643 00:43:37,785 --> 00:43:39,687 I didn't know standup was so popular here. 644 00:43:39,787 --> 00:43:42,289 Oh! It is the main entertainment out here 645 00:43:42,389 --> 00:43:44,125 in the boonies, let me tell you. 646 00:43:44,225 --> 00:43:46,260 I mean, that and, uh, and meth. 647 00:43:48,462 --> 00:43:50,231 So, I do a show here on Tuesdays, 648 00:43:50,297 --> 00:43:52,133 I'm... ...kind of a producer. 649 00:43:52,233 --> 00:43:53,100 Uh, no big deal. 650 00:43:53,167 --> 00:43:55,236 And maybe you should come by and perform. 651 00:43:56,237 --> 00:43:57,171 Wait, me? 652 00:43:57,304 --> 00:43:58,305 - Yeah. - Shit, yeah. 653 00:43:58,472 --> 00:43:59,406 - Really? - Yeah. 654 00:43:59,608 --> 00:44:01,942 Okay. So, we're tryna fill up this joint with bodies. 655 00:44:02,009 --> 00:44:03,677 So, if you could bring some in, that'd be great. 656 00:44:03,978 --> 00:44:05,479 And bring your A game too, 657 00:44:05,580 --> 00:44:08,617 'cause a lot of competition comes through here, a lot of it. 658 00:44:09,316 --> 00:44:12,353 And yeah, don't forget, your like, um... 659 00:44:13,154 --> 00:44:15,823 - I don't know, this... - this, uh, getup. 660 00:44:16,323 --> 00:44:17,592 It's great, love it. 661 00:44:18,292 --> 00:44:19,326 Gotcha, man. 662 00:44:28,669 --> 00:44:31,205 I wanted to thank you for your encouragement. 663 00:44:32,641 --> 00:44:33,807 I murdered tonight. 664 00:44:34,742 --> 00:44:36,076 No, no, no, not like that. 665 00:44:36,177 --> 00:44:40,281 I... I meant-- I mean like at... at the club... with my comedy. 666 00:44:40,981 --> 00:44:43,083 Oh, good for you. 667 00:44:44,519 --> 00:44:45,686 Yeah, good for me. 668 00:44:47,454 --> 00:44:50,991 Well, eat up and, uh, you can have a shower. 669 00:44:51,692 --> 00:44:53,861 And I have some women's clothes that might fit you. 670 00:44:55,062 --> 00:44:56,730 Why do you have women's clothing? 671 00:44:57,364 --> 00:44:59,066 They were donated. 672 00:45:03,237 --> 00:45:04,171 Okay. 673 00:45:04,738 --> 00:45:07,074 She was pretty, but... 674 00:45:09,343 --> 00:45:10,911 ...beauty only runs skin deep. 675 00:45:11,912 --> 00:45:13,414 No, I'll... I'll do a... 676 00:45:14,516 --> 00:45:16,250 Yeah. Yeah, beauty only runs skin deep. 677 00:45:16,383 --> 00:45:18,118 It's not what's... it's not what's on the outside, 678 00:45:18,219 --> 00:45:19,386 it's the inside that counts. 679 00:45:19,720 --> 00:45:20,589 Yeah... 680 00:45:20,721 --> 00:45:22,823 Yeah, that'll be good, that'll be a good tag. 681 00:45:27,494 --> 00:45:30,064 What a drag. 682 00:46:07,468 --> 00:46:09,169 You wanna come over to my house for dinner tonight? 683 00:46:09,537 --> 00:46:11,138 I mean, do you wanna... 684 00:46:12,139 --> 00:46:13,642 be my dinner tonight? 685 00:46:14,942 --> 00:46:17,411 Oh, no... Oh, not the same attitude, huh? 686 00:46:17,545 --> 00:46:19,313 That's okay. So hey, get this guy a drink, huh? 687 00:46:21,982 --> 00:46:23,984 Oh, yeah, personally, um, 688 00:46:24,084 --> 00:46:25,452 my favorite drink is a Bloody Mary, 689 00:46:25,553 --> 00:46:27,988 uh, minus the Mary, plus the O positive. 690 00:46:29,256 --> 00:46:32,594 Oh, I... I dated a diabetic, uh, recently. 691 00:46:33,193 --> 00:46:34,261 Little sweet for my taste. 692 00:46:36,397 --> 00:46:39,500 Ah, it's lunchtime! Where is this guy? 693 00:46:40,134 --> 00:46:41,502 All right, how you guys doing? 694 00:46:41,636 --> 00:46:42,836 Yeah! 695 00:46:42,970 --> 00:46:45,205 We're out living the dream, doing it. 696 00:46:46,106 --> 00:46:47,341 Let's go dancing. 697 00:46:47,609 --> 00:46:48,876 You guys look like a dancing crowd. 698 00:46:49,109 --> 00:46:50,645 Latinos, when... when we dance, 699 00:46:50,745 --> 00:46:53,013 we got that fucking baby making face on 700 00:46:53,113 --> 00:46:54,783 like we're taking a shit, but it feels good. 701 00:46:54,848 --> 00:46:56,050 You know what I mean? 702 00:46:56,150 --> 00:46:58,653 Like, maybe we put too much Tapatío on that shit. 703 00:46:58,787 --> 00:47:01,221 Ooh... We're in there, right, we're fucking... 704 00:47:01,322 --> 00:47:03,758 Ba-- Latinos fucking basically have sex 705 00:47:03,824 --> 00:47:05,527 while we're dancing. You know what I mean? 706 00:47:05,627 --> 00:47:07,161 That's why we're having all these kids. 707 00:47:08,530 --> 00:47:10,030 Boom, you know, she's pregnant, 708 00:47:10,164 --> 00:47:12,433 and still fucking dancing, you know what I mean? 709 00:47:12,667 --> 00:47:14,435 She's giving birth... Oh, shit, check this out. 710 00:47:14,501 --> 00:47:16,638 Oh, fuck yeah. 711 00:47:16,705 --> 00:47:19,173 Oh, shit, she's having twins, all right, fuck yeah. 712 00:47:20,642 --> 00:47:22,443 Uh, that's all my time, guys. Thank you so much. 713 00:47:26,146 --> 00:47:28,817 Checking out our display, huh? 714 00:47:28,882 --> 00:47:31,653 Yeah, got some of the greats here. 715 00:47:32,353 --> 00:47:35,657 Got Don Wrinkles, got Andy Milonakis. 716 00:47:36,023 --> 00:47:37,726 Wow. Oh, you got him in here? 717 00:47:38,626 --> 00:47:40,562 No, no, we didn't get any of these people. 718 00:47:41,195 --> 00:47:42,530 I mean, except for that guy. 719 00:47:43,464 --> 00:47:45,533 This guy right here. Who put that up there? 720 00:47:45,999 --> 00:47:46,867 Seriously? 721 00:47:48,035 --> 00:47:50,237 I got some silly people that work here. I... 722 00:47:51,405 --> 00:47:53,508 It's-- Probably someone else put that there... 723 00:47:53,675 --> 00:47:56,477 But yeah, the greats, kings of comedy. 724 00:47:56,745 --> 00:47:59,046 - Wow. - What do you got here? 725 00:47:59,814 --> 00:48:01,348 Oh, you said you needed bodies. 726 00:48:05,285 --> 00:48:07,020 That's good, you're gonna do great. 727 00:48:12,761 --> 00:48:15,095 I watch a lot of YouTube videos 728 00:48:15,195 --> 00:48:16,497 where, like, struggle rappers go up 729 00:48:16,564 --> 00:48:18,700 to famous rappers trying to get signed. 730 00:48:19,366 --> 00:48:21,536 Maybe someone goes up to like a famous rapper. 731 00:48:21,603 --> 00:48:24,071 Like, "Hey, man, can I spit some bars for you, dawg?" 732 00:48:24,405 --> 00:48:25,439 Thanks, man. 733 00:48:25,573 --> 00:48:26,574 He's like, "Yeah, go ahead." 734 00:48:26,674 --> 00:48:28,075 He goes, "Hey man, I used to gang bang, 735 00:48:28,142 --> 00:48:31,044 sell dope, kill the opps. Pop, pop, pop!" 736 00:48:31,713 --> 00:48:34,248 Sometimes they get a feature, sometimes they get signed. 737 00:48:34,415 --> 00:48:35,550 Like, I'm bitter, 'cause like 738 00:48:35,617 --> 00:48:37,519 I can't do that shit as, like, a comic, right? 739 00:48:37,585 --> 00:48:39,386 I can't go up to like a famous comic, 740 00:48:40,220 --> 00:48:41,623 be like, "Hey, man, can I spit something for you?" 741 00:48:41,723 --> 00:48:42,690 He goes, "Yeah, go ahead. Go." 742 00:48:42,757 --> 00:48:44,324 "All right, so like, dating is hard, right?" 743 00:48:47,428 --> 00:48:49,263 Like dating... dating is difficult. 744 00:48:50,330 --> 00:48:52,734 All right, so are you guys hungry 745 00:48:52,801 --> 00:48:54,067 for some more comedy? 746 00:48:54,168 --> 00:48:55,436 Yes! 747 00:48:55,537 --> 00:48:56,604 Are we in church? 748 00:48:56,704 --> 00:48:59,440 I said, are you hungry for some motherfucking comedy? 749 00:49:00,742 --> 00:49:03,878 All right, coming to the stage is our loved one, 750 00:49:03,944 --> 00:49:06,815 Charlie, the Cannibal Comedian! 751 00:49:09,416 --> 00:49:10,350 Oh, this? 752 00:49:10,552 --> 00:49:13,153 Uh, the promoter told me to bring some bodies in tonight. 753 00:49:16,858 --> 00:49:20,662 Oh, whoa. Wow, you guys look great tonight. 754 00:49:21,295 --> 00:49:22,296 I'm getting hungry. 755 00:49:24,498 --> 00:49:26,467 Hey, don't worry about you in the back, all right? 756 00:49:27,134 --> 00:49:28,670 There's always room for second helpings, huh? 757 00:49:30,672 --> 00:49:32,907 What a mouthful. 758 00:49:32,973 --> 00:49:35,309 Total narcissist, really into himself. 759 00:49:35,442 --> 00:49:37,444 I mean, he only eats his own flesh. 760 00:49:41,014 --> 00:49:42,149 Is that too much dead time? 761 00:49:44,218 --> 00:49:46,588 Ah, of corpse, you'd like that joke. 762 00:49:56,330 --> 00:49:57,532 I wanna thank you for joining me 763 00:49:57,632 --> 00:49:58,766 for dinner tonight. 764 00:49:59,466 --> 00:50:02,937 - Did I have a choice? - No, not really. 765 00:50:05,640 --> 00:50:07,174 What is it you want from me? 766 00:50:09,009 --> 00:50:10,377 Mm. Well, I don't really know. 767 00:50:10,778 --> 00:50:13,313 I guess I just like having you around. 768 00:50:14,549 --> 00:50:17,050 But I can't be here any longer. 769 00:50:17,552 --> 00:50:19,787 I've got a life on the outside. 770 00:50:20,487 --> 00:50:23,423 And, like, just let me go, or kill me already. 771 00:50:24,726 --> 00:50:26,426 Don't you dare ruin this dinner! 772 00:50:27,862 --> 00:50:30,197 I worked all day on this, I prepared-- 773 00:50:32,366 --> 00:50:33,835 Uh, how... how's your food? 774 00:50:35,068 --> 00:50:37,037 It's been making me ill. 775 00:50:37,539 --> 00:50:38,506 Yeah, well... 776 00:50:39,206 --> 00:50:41,543 that's just 'cause your body's not used to this type of meat. 777 00:50:41,976 --> 00:50:43,511 What is it, roadkill? 778 00:50:45,880 --> 00:50:48,448 Well, for a lack of a better culinary term... 779 00:50:49,984 --> 00:50:52,386 - Yeah. - Ugh, ugh! 780 00:50:52,520 --> 00:50:55,088 Hey, come on, you know, roadkill, it's... 781 00:50:55,188 --> 00:50:56,558 - it's highly underrated. - Ugh. 782 00:50:56,891 --> 00:50:58,760 I mean, the hunting's already been done. 783 00:50:59,192 --> 00:51:00,762 I mean, you just pick it up off the ground, 784 00:51:00,862 --> 00:51:04,532 rinse it off, and add some of my famous herbs and spices. 785 00:51:05,065 --> 00:51:06,300 You know, like the Colonel does. 786 00:51:06,901 --> 00:51:09,604 Cover up the burnt tire track flavor, I'm sure. 787 00:51:11,138 --> 00:51:12,907 Okay, I'll... I'll tell you the truth then. 788 00:51:13,942 --> 00:51:15,108 It's not roadkill. 789 00:51:16,143 --> 00:51:17,712 Okay, what is it then? 790 00:51:21,583 --> 00:51:23,885 No. Don't tell me. 791 00:51:24,852 --> 00:51:27,722 You wouldn't! You fucking wouldn't! 792 00:51:28,221 --> 00:51:30,892 But I thought that whole cannibal act was just for show! 793 00:51:36,631 --> 00:51:38,398 It is roadkill. 794 00:51:56,183 --> 00:51:57,250 I like smoking weed. 795 00:51:57,317 --> 00:51:59,353 I just... I don't feel hot when I'm really high. 796 00:51:59,453 --> 00:52:02,624 Like weed's not the best drug to take to make you feel sexy. 797 00:52:02,957 --> 00:52:03,825 No one's ever been like, 798 00:52:03,925 --> 00:52:05,292 "Oh, you need a confidence boost?" 799 00:52:05,359 --> 00:52:06,995 "Here, try this edible." 800 00:52:07,294 --> 00:52:09,964 "Guys love it when you lose all your motor skills." 801 00:52:10,130 --> 00:52:11,966 Yeah, we do. 802 00:52:12,066 --> 00:52:13,367 I got something for you to eat. 803 00:52:13,467 --> 00:52:15,003 Yeah, what do you have for me to eat? 804 00:52:15,302 --> 00:52:16,771 A hoagie. 805 00:52:16,904 --> 00:52:18,640 Are you guys ready for your next comedian? 806 00:52:18,740 --> 00:52:19,607 Yes. 807 00:52:19,907 --> 00:52:22,376 Everyone welcome to stage, Charlie the Cannibal Comic. 808 00:52:22,543 --> 00:52:25,212 Whoo. 809 00:52:25,345 --> 00:52:26,648 They're fucking awful. 810 00:52:31,184 --> 00:52:32,520 Hey. Hey... hey y'all. 811 00:52:33,320 --> 00:52:34,321 - How, uh-- - Not funny! 812 00:52:34,388 --> 00:52:36,090 Okay, well, 813 00:52:36,156 --> 00:52:37,659 you know, hey, you'd be surprised. It's... 814 00:52:37,725 --> 00:52:40,327 it's... it can get kind of tough doing the, uh, 815 00:52:40,394 --> 00:52:41,863 cannibal comedy thing, you know? 816 00:52:41,963 --> 00:52:44,398 And, uh, I'm getting fed up with you guys. 817 00:52:44,565 --> 00:52:46,233 I'm fed up with bad comedy. 818 00:52:49,469 --> 00:52:51,139 Hey, you know... 819 00:52:51,304 --> 00:52:52,239 You know, uh-- 820 00:52:52,707 --> 00:52:55,342 It's okay, I'll let that one go. You know, um... 821 00:52:55,409 --> 00:52:57,377 Oh, maybe I'll have you over for dinner sometime. 822 00:52:57,477 --> 00:53:00,180 Eat me! 823 00:53:00,480 --> 00:53:02,215 You should be paying me to be here. 824 00:53:08,388 --> 00:53:09,557 You call that comedy? 825 00:53:09,791 --> 00:53:12,660 Jesus Christ, my dead grandmother's funnier than you. 826 00:53:15,697 --> 00:53:17,497 What fucking kind of comedian are you? 827 00:53:17,598 --> 00:53:18,599 You suck! 828 00:53:19,000 --> 00:53:20,535 I want my money back. 829 00:53:20,668 --> 00:53:21,969 Douche bag. 830 00:53:29,409 --> 00:53:30,578 Fucking loser! 831 00:53:31,378 --> 00:53:32,379 Loser! 832 00:53:47,095 --> 00:53:50,098 What a loser, pathetic loser, oh, my God. 833 00:53:56,236 --> 00:53:59,006 He ran off the stage. 834 00:53:59,073 --> 00:54:01,475 Like a little girl. 835 00:54:01,576 --> 00:54:02,610 All right. 836 00:54:02,710 --> 00:54:04,545 Give it up for Charlie, y'all. 837 00:54:06,379 --> 00:54:10,383 Uh-huh, yeah, I just died, and not from laughing. 838 00:54:13,654 --> 00:54:15,723 Anyway, coming to the stage 839 00:54:15,890 --> 00:54:18,458 is a house favorite. You know, we all love... 840 00:54:18,593 --> 00:54:20,061 Rough crowd tonight. 841 00:54:20,260 --> 00:54:21,763 Yeah. 842 00:54:22,029 --> 00:54:24,331 Lighten up, everyone bombs. In my experience, 843 00:54:24,431 --> 00:54:26,067 if you show any sign of weakness, 844 00:54:26,134 --> 00:54:28,870 they'll immediately pick up on it and they'll pounce. 845 00:54:30,303 --> 00:54:31,906 You become the prey. 846 00:54:32,974 --> 00:54:33,875 You'll learn. 847 00:54:35,442 --> 00:54:38,246 Yeah, it sure is a predator prey thing. 848 00:54:38,513 --> 00:54:41,314 You know, I've got no problem with my victims and, you know, 849 00:54:41,414 --> 00:54:43,084 dragging them around, hanging them, 850 00:54:43,151 --> 00:54:46,154 sawing them from head to groin, fileting them alive... 851 00:54:47,088 --> 00:54:48,055 But up there, 852 00:54:48,923 --> 00:54:50,423 oh, the table is turned. 853 00:54:51,458 --> 00:54:53,661 Yeah, so if you just go up, you know, 854 00:54:53,828 --> 00:54:55,362 every night you'll get better. 855 00:54:56,631 --> 00:54:58,065 Yeah, thanks for the advice. 856 00:54:59,934 --> 00:55:01,002 Do I know you? 857 00:55:01,602 --> 00:55:03,237 This is gonna sound so crazy, 858 00:55:03,303 --> 00:55:05,706 but I feel like we had a class together. 859 00:55:06,974 --> 00:55:09,610 Oh, shit, it's the cannibal guy. 860 00:55:09,977 --> 00:55:10,912 Hey! 861 00:55:13,014 --> 00:55:14,248 That was ten minutes of my life 862 00:55:14,314 --> 00:55:16,449 I'm never gonna get back, you owe me. 863 00:55:19,821 --> 00:55:21,656 What's the matter, bro, can't you take a joke? 864 00:55:21,989 --> 00:55:24,192 Big, dumb, unfunny loser. 865 00:55:24,292 --> 00:55:25,693 What was that? 866 00:55:26,260 --> 00:55:27,261 You know... 867 00:55:28,395 --> 00:55:31,398 if a cannibal ate a comedian, 868 00:55:32,465 --> 00:55:36,469 that would lead to some pretty funny shit. 869 00:55:50,151 --> 00:55:52,887 ♪ We can go, it's not that far ♪ 870 00:55:52,987 --> 00:55:55,590 ♪ I gave you directions straight to my heart ♪ 871 00:55:57,859 --> 00:55:58,860 Stupid shirt. 872 00:56:02,196 --> 00:56:04,065 "That's ten minutes I'll never get back." 873 00:56:04,165 --> 00:56:06,567 Who wears yellow, anyway? 874 00:56:08,435 --> 00:56:11,138 ♪ She was just a stranger ♪ 875 00:56:12,206 --> 00:56:14,876 ♪ Passing through town ♪ 876 00:56:15,977 --> 00:56:19,146 ♪ From the city of angels ♪ 877 00:56:19,547 --> 00:56:22,049 ♪ Got turned around ♪ 878 00:56:24,518 --> 00:56:26,187 Last night was rough. 879 00:56:26,721 --> 00:56:29,389 But that's okay, I got thicker skin now. 880 00:56:39,267 --> 00:56:42,737 So this killer guy I know asked me to look up this chick. 881 00:56:43,271 --> 00:56:45,773 She had blonde hair, a bunch of tattoos. 882 00:56:49,377 --> 00:56:50,278 Real pretty. 883 00:56:50,912 --> 00:56:52,546 So I looked up my Facebook... 884 00:57:00,755 --> 00:57:02,590 Whoo! Yeah, that was-- Oh. 885 00:57:03,357 --> 00:57:05,026 "Don't eat my boyfriend!" 886 00:57:07,395 --> 00:57:08,562 I got a like on that one. 887 00:57:08,629 --> 00:57:10,932 Oh... 888 00:57:11,198 --> 00:57:12,633 So this dude I used to know, 889 00:57:13,034 --> 00:57:15,670 uh, he said he was a really smart guy. 890 00:57:15,770 --> 00:57:17,071 He had an education. 891 00:57:17,838 --> 00:57:19,040 Well, when I put him through the meat grinder... 892 00:57:19,140 --> 00:57:21,208 ...that's when I knew 893 00:57:21,275 --> 00:57:22,977 he was a well grounded individual. 894 00:57:26,747 --> 00:57:28,049 Oh... 895 00:57:28,115 --> 00:57:29,650 Well, speaking of food... 896 00:57:29,750 --> 00:57:31,852 ...um, you guys try this... 897 00:57:31,953 --> 00:57:34,522 this new plant-based diet thing, craze? 898 00:57:34,622 --> 00:57:36,257 I don't... I don't know... 899 00:57:36,424 --> 00:57:37,992 So I start... I started to eat plant-based. 900 00:57:38,092 --> 00:57:40,328 I only eat vegans now. 901 00:57:45,166 --> 00:57:46,067 Oh... 902 00:57:46,767 --> 00:57:48,501 God, that really is impossible. 903 00:57:51,339 --> 00:57:53,307 Oh, which of course, uh... 904 00:57:54,474 --> 00:57:55,943 of course tastes like annoying. 905 00:57:59,313 --> 00:58:00,614 So what's this all about? 906 00:58:02,450 --> 00:58:04,719 Ah. I, uh, made it. 907 00:58:06,721 --> 00:58:08,022 Dude, this looks real. 908 00:58:12,426 --> 00:58:13,427 Maybe it is. 909 00:58:16,430 --> 00:58:18,466 Okay, so... 910 00:58:18,666 --> 00:58:20,868 I mean, where do you live, what do you do? 911 00:58:21,335 --> 00:58:23,137 I feel like I know nothing about you. 912 00:58:24,438 --> 00:58:27,675 Well, I live at the end of the old Desert Road. 913 00:58:28,743 --> 00:58:30,845 Oh, shit, I know that old dirt road. 914 00:58:31,045 --> 00:58:32,446 I used to hear stories about that place 915 00:58:32,513 --> 00:58:33,647 when I was a kid. 916 00:58:35,549 --> 00:58:36,584 The natives would... 917 00:58:37,752 --> 00:58:40,321 cannibalize their... their enemies and... 918 00:58:40,888 --> 00:58:42,490 You know, 919 00:58:42,556 --> 00:58:44,392 I really don't remember, I was like four. 920 00:58:44,492 --> 00:58:45,893 But that place always weirded me out. 921 00:58:45,993 --> 00:58:47,862 The people that lived there are fucking weird, too. 922 00:58:48,062 --> 00:58:49,997 - No offense. - Oh, none taken. 923 00:58:50,064 --> 00:58:53,234 Charlie, you were hilarious tonight, 924 00:58:53,334 --> 00:58:54,301 you kill me! 925 00:58:55,369 --> 00:58:57,705 Not yet. 926 00:58:58,539 --> 00:58:59,673 Whoo! 927 00:59:01,776 --> 00:59:02,843 People really seem to like 928 00:59:02,910 --> 00:59:04,779 the whole killer cannibal routine. 929 00:59:05,546 --> 00:59:06,914 I mean, it's funny. 930 00:59:07,581 --> 00:59:08,482 Thanks. 931 00:59:09,316 --> 00:59:10,584 Where'd you come up with that? 932 00:59:11,619 --> 00:59:13,587 I didn't come up with it, I live it. 933 00:59:13,721 --> 00:59:14,789 Okay. 934 00:59:15,189 --> 00:59:17,591 Okay, I... I get it, you're crazy. 935 00:59:18,025 --> 00:59:18,926 But for real. 936 00:59:19,026 --> 00:59:20,394 I mean, what do you do for a living 937 00:59:20,494 --> 00:59:22,430 when you're not obviously slaying 938 00:59:22,531 --> 00:59:24,398 and cannibalizing on stage, huh? 939 00:59:24,865 --> 00:59:27,334 I do roadside meatball subs, 940 00:59:27,401 --> 00:59:28,502 little side hustle. 941 00:59:29,236 --> 00:59:32,273 The roadside meatball sub side hustle, yes. 942 00:59:32,940 --> 00:59:35,776 - You get any business? - Yeah, from time to time. 943 00:59:36,077 --> 00:59:38,079 I mean, the locals, they come around all the time. 944 00:59:38,612 --> 00:59:40,181 But, uh, you know, once in a while 945 00:59:40,247 --> 00:59:41,516 I'll catch me some kids 946 00:59:41,582 --> 00:59:42,950 on their way to a music festival, 947 00:59:43,050 --> 00:59:44,118 you know, for a quick bite. 948 00:59:44,985 --> 00:59:45,886 Yeah. 949 00:59:45,953 --> 00:59:48,622 Hey, boss. 950 00:59:48,956 --> 00:59:49,824 I gotta go. 951 00:59:50,525 --> 00:59:52,561 - Mm. Later. - Ugh. 952 00:59:53,094 --> 00:59:55,963 Hey, next drink is on me for this guy. 953 00:59:56,464 --> 00:59:57,364 Thank you, man. 954 01:00:07,108 --> 01:00:09,009 "Public cannibalism in Tampa... 955 01:00:10,377 --> 01:00:12,680 suspect shot 18 times... 956 01:00:14,381 --> 01:00:15,282 in the face." 957 01:00:17,985 --> 01:00:21,021 Marty, what the hell were you doing in Florida? 958 01:00:23,124 --> 01:00:26,227 Well... little birdie told me 959 01:00:27,328 --> 01:00:29,130 you've been doing standup comedy. 960 01:00:29,230 --> 01:00:30,131 Yeah, so? 961 01:00:30,231 --> 01:00:32,633 So? You didn't invite us to your show 962 01:00:32,700 --> 01:00:35,035 and you've been telling everybody 963 01:00:35,169 --> 01:00:36,337 about our little secret. 964 01:00:37,506 --> 01:00:38,507 - That's exactly... - Stop! 965 01:00:38,639 --> 01:00:39,574 ...why I didn't want you guys to see my act. 966 01:00:39,640 --> 01:00:40,975 I knew you'd react this way. 967 01:00:41,242 --> 01:00:43,578 I thought standup comedy was another one 968 01:00:43,677 --> 01:00:46,847 of your crazy obsessions and would pass. 969 01:00:47,882 --> 01:00:50,519 Standup comedy, it makes me feel alive. 970 01:00:50,985 --> 01:00:53,120 You know, Jerry Seinfeld, 971 01:00:53,454 --> 01:00:55,689 he once said, "To be successful, 972 01:00:55,890 --> 01:00:59,528 you gotta be a relentless, ruthless person," and that I am. 973 01:00:59,793 --> 01:01:02,129 Who the fuck is Jerry Seinfeld? 974 01:01:02,263 --> 01:01:03,364 One of the greats. 975 01:01:03,831 --> 01:01:05,366 You are an odd duck. 976 01:01:06,000 --> 01:01:07,536 Yeah, but I can still quack you up. 977 01:01:09,203 --> 01:01:10,838 Uh, whatever happened 978 01:01:10,905 --> 01:01:12,706 to that pretty little thing, Chrystal? 979 01:01:14,609 --> 01:01:16,710 She's long gone. 980 01:01:16,810 --> 01:01:20,347 I told you, I wanted a taste of her. 981 01:01:20,447 --> 01:01:21,482 She probably 982 01:01:21,550 --> 01:01:23,017 didn't taste that good anyways. 983 01:01:23,350 --> 01:01:25,554 No. No, she was a real... 984 01:01:26,187 --> 01:01:27,288 bitter bitch. 985 01:01:28,889 --> 01:01:30,724 Shut up! Nobody told you to laugh! 986 01:01:30,824 --> 01:01:32,893 Fuck gave you permission? Get back in the car. 987 01:01:33,194 --> 01:01:36,030 I hate my neighbors. 988 01:01:43,304 --> 01:01:44,405 - Hey. - Yeah? 989 01:01:44,772 --> 01:01:47,408 Um, so what's the story with Carrey? 990 01:01:47,576 --> 01:01:48,475 What do you mean? 991 01:01:48,943 --> 01:01:50,844 Like, is he the manager or does he... 992 01:01:50,911 --> 01:01:51,946 does he own the place? 993 01:01:52,479 --> 01:01:55,082 Yeah, it's his joint now. 994 01:01:55,517 --> 01:01:57,351 His mom is the one who started it and... 995 01:01:58,485 --> 01:02:00,955 after she died, he... took over. 996 01:02:03,724 --> 01:02:05,259 But, uh, when she was around, 997 01:02:06,026 --> 01:02:08,229 at least this place had a bit of integrity. 998 01:02:10,231 --> 01:02:11,098 What do you mean? 999 01:02:12,967 --> 01:02:15,202 Uh, you didn't hear this from me, but, uh... 1000 01:02:17,238 --> 01:02:18,772 some of us around here... 1001 01:02:18,872 --> 01:02:19,940 ...think he might have... 1002 01:02:20,874 --> 01:02:23,210 offed her for the club and the money. 1003 01:02:25,379 --> 01:02:26,347 You know what's odd? 1004 01:02:26,947 --> 01:02:28,983 You know, I had a great set a few weeks back. 1005 01:02:29,116 --> 01:02:30,050 Yeah. 1006 01:02:30,284 --> 01:02:32,786 Ever since then, it's almost impossible 1007 01:02:32,886 --> 01:02:34,221 for me to get any stage time. 1008 01:02:34,689 --> 01:02:36,423 Huh, that is odd. 1009 01:02:37,224 --> 01:02:39,760 Stabbed you in the back! 1010 01:02:40,294 --> 01:02:42,363 Hey, uh... Hey, Carrey, how you doing, man? 1011 01:02:42,564 --> 01:02:43,698 I'm doing good, man. 1012 01:02:44,765 --> 01:02:45,766 Little drinky poo. 1013 01:02:46,701 --> 01:02:47,835 - But good. - Yeah. 1014 01:02:47,935 --> 01:02:49,803 Yeah, hey, listen, um, I was wondering, 1015 01:02:50,271 --> 01:02:53,073 um, do you think I could maybe get some time up there tonight? 1016 01:02:53,240 --> 01:02:55,577 You should have said you were coming by, Charlie. 1017 01:02:55,644 --> 01:02:57,011 We got a packed house tonight... 1018 01:02:58,078 --> 01:02:59,413 ...but we'll get you on soon. 1019 01:03:00,381 --> 01:03:02,182 - Get you on soon, all right? - Yeah. 1020 01:03:05,252 --> 01:03:06,621 I met this guy the other day. 1021 01:03:06,721 --> 01:03:09,390 He's like, "Oh, I'm a writer and a director and a producer." 1022 01:03:09,591 --> 01:03:11,325 I was like, "Wow, that's amazing." 1023 01:03:11,593 --> 01:03:13,327 "Could you produce more breadsticks for our table?" 1024 01:03:13,427 --> 01:03:15,396 "'Cause we're fucking out." 1025 01:03:16,130 --> 01:03:16,997 Yeah. 1026 01:03:17,164 --> 01:03:19,199 Maybe direct some appe-teasers over here? 1027 01:03:24,004 --> 01:03:25,039 All right, everyone, 1028 01:03:25,172 --> 01:03:28,876 the last comic coming to the stage is, uh... 1029 01:03:29,977 --> 01:03:33,180 Slappy! Slappy is our last comic for tonight. 1030 01:03:33,347 --> 01:03:34,649 But listen, don't worry if you didn't get 1031 01:03:34,783 --> 01:03:36,884 to go up tonight, there's always next week. 1032 01:03:37,117 --> 01:03:38,952 Give it up for Slappy, everyone. 1033 01:03:42,856 --> 01:03:44,491 S... Slappy? 1034 01:03:45,426 --> 01:03:46,594 He sucks. 1035 01:03:50,064 --> 01:03:51,865 So, uh, you gonna stop killing 1036 01:03:52,166 --> 01:03:53,967 now that you a working comedian? 1037 01:04:01,041 --> 01:04:03,511 Ho... ly shit. 1038 01:04:04,445 --> 01:04:05,312 Nah. 1039 01:04:05,613 --> 01:04:07,181 Well, some of the locals are getting nervous 1040 01:04:07,314 --> 01:04:08,650 about your little comedy act. 1041 01:04:09,216 --> 01:04:10,184 They don't like you going around 1042 01:04:10,250 --> 01:04:11,985 advertising human flesh in public, 1043 01:04:12,086 --> 01:04:13,921 bit close to the bone. Well... 1044 01:04:15,155 --> 01:04:16,457 I agree with them. 1045 01:04:16,890 --> 01:04:20,829 I wouldn't worry about it. I mean, it's just an act. 1046 01:04:21,663 --> 01:04:22,530 And besides... 1047 01:04:24,098 --> 01:04:26,400 they haven't been, uh, putting me up there lately. 1048 01:04:27,034 --> 01:04:29,838 - What, you ain't funny enough? - Oh, I'm funny, motherfucker. 1049 01:04:30,572 --> 01:04:32,873 It's just... politics or something. 1050 01:04:33,107 --> 01:04:34,908 Who ain't letting you up? 1051 01:04:35,543 --> 01:04:38,479 Carrey, he owns the place, 1052 01:04:38,546 --> 01:04:40,414 and, uh, turns out he's a real douche. 1053 01:04:41,516 --> 01:04:43,884 You want me to, uh, take him downtown? 1054 01:04:44,853 --> 01:04:48,690 No, no, it's... it's not that easy. 1055 01:04:50,357 --> 01:04:52,960 I mean, without Carrey, there's no standup. 1056 01:04:54,562 --> 01:04:55,563 It's his club... 1057 01:04:57,599 --> 01:05:00,067 and I don't wanna go back to doing comedy for my guests. 1058 01:05:00,934 --> 01:05:03,203 Yeah, they laugh, but I think it's just 1059 01:05:03,270 --> 01:05:05,272 to avoid me sawing their faces off. 1060 01:05:07,207 --> 01:05:09,209 You ever think about expanding your menu? 1061 01:05:11,713 --> 01:05:13,080 Mm. Mm. Mm. Mm. 1062 01:05:16,150 --> 01:05:18,051 Hey, hey, hey, what's with the banging? 1063 01:05:18,118 --> 01:05:19,386 You haven't fed me yet! 1064 01:05:19,987 --> 01:05:23,257 Oh, I'm sorry, my life's been a little hectic lately. 1065 01:05:25,292 --> 01:05:26,561 Now, they... they stopped putting me 1066 01:05:26,628 --> 01:05:28,763 they stopped putting me on stage at the club. 1067 01:05:29,764 --> 01:05:31,533 Why, did you talk to them about it? 1068 01:05:32,399 --> 01:05:34,602 Yeah. But, uh... 1069 01:05:35,537 --> 01:05:37,337 I don't know, I don't... I don't know what to do. 1070 01:05:38,272 --> 01:05:40,340 Should get in their face and demand stage time, 1071 01:05:40,441 --> 01:05:41,609 don't be a pussy. 1072 01:05:43,812 --> 01:05:44,712 Okay. 1073 01:05:46,714 --> 01:05:49,918 Yeah, okay. Um... still craving the meat? 1074 01:05:50,083 --> 01:05:52,453 I'm starving, I'll eat anything. 1075 01:05:52,720 --> 01:05:54,455 That's the best thing I've heard all day. 1076 01:06:03,932 --> 01:06:06,166 You know, they said you had to be born into cannibalism. 1077 01:06:07,167 --> 01:06:09,169 I didn't think that was the case. 1078 01:06:09,771 --> 01:06:11,639 I mean, yeah, sure, I've had some, 1079 01:06:12,272 --> 01:06:14,642 you know, they... they eat it, they get sick, they die. 1080 01:06:15,810 --> 01:06:18,111 But, uh, I knew I could turn someone onto this. 1081 01:06:18,580 --> 01:06:20,648 You used me as a Guinea pig? 1082 01:06:21,448 --> 01:06:22,316 Guinea pig. 1083 01:06:23,618 --> 01:06:25,385 Wow, that was a long time ago. 1084 01:06:25,587 --> 01:06:27,822 Little old Mr. Muffy. 1085 01:06:28,756 --> 01:06:32,159 Yeah. Killed him, cooked him. My first culinary experience. 1086 01:06:32,660 --> 01:06:34,629 You were an only child, by chance? 1087 01:06:41,636 --> 01:06:44,071 Did you know that, uh, Friends was filmed in front 1088 01:06:44,171 --> 01:06:46,073 of a live studio audience, who knew? 1089 01:06:46,473 --> 01:06:49,544 Hey, boss, here go the comics for this week. 1090 01:06:50,377 --> 01:06:51,378 There it is. 1091 01:06:52,847 --> 01:06:53,715 Hey, Carrey! 1092 01:06:54,381 --> 01:06:56,483 Oh, hey Charlie, we were just talking about you. 1093 01:06:56,618 --> 01:06:57,685 - Oh, yeah? - Yeah. 1094 01:06:57,785 --> 01:06:59,319 Yeah, when am I gonna get back up there? 1095 01:06:59,954 --> 01:07:00,955 What are you talking about? 1096 01:07:01,523 --> 01:07:03,090 Weren't you up there the... the other night? 1097 01:07:03,490 --> 01:07:04,826 No, it's been like forever. 1098 01:07:06,059 --> 01:07:09,363 Oh, well, we gotta get you up then. 1099 01:07:10,497 --> 01:07:11,666 Yeah, so what about tonight? 1100 01:07:14,434 --> 01:07:15,502 Tonight's booked up. 1101 01:07:17,672 --> 01:07:19,507 Yeah. So when then? 1102 01:07:21,676 --> 01:07:23,011 When I feel like it. 1103 01:07:23,645 --> 01:07:24,913 I'm getting a little sick of waiting. 1104 01:07:25,078 --> 01:07:26,748 And I'm getting tired of your attitude. 1105 01:07:29,918 --> 01:07:31,351 You know, when I was up there 1106 01:07:31,553 --> 01:07:32,820 you know, they really liked my act. 1107 01:07:33,086 --> 01:07:33,988 Yeah, I know, 1108 01:07:34,522 --> 01:07:36,758 I also know you're getting kind of a big head about it too. 1109 01:07:37,190 --> 01:07:39,493 And I don't like people that think their shit don't stink. 1110 01:07:39,861 --> 01:07:41,663 I don't think that at all, I just wanna do my act. 1111 01:07:41,729 --> 01:07:43,096 "I just wanna do my act!" 1112 01:07:43,196 --> 01:07:44,732 "I'm a fucking artist!" 1113 01:07:45,567 --> 01:07:48,302 Think of this as one big audition, okay? 1114 01:07:48,536 --> 01:07:50,939 And at the end of it, you just didn't make the cut. 1115 01:07:52,040 --> 01:07:53,473 - Really? - Really. 1116 01:07:54,207 --> 01:07:55,944 The club's going in a new direction. 1117 01:07:56,076 --> 01:07:58,211 And your brand of comedy just it, 1118 01:07:58,780 --> 01:08:00,380 ah, it just doesn't fit. 1119 01:08:00,447 --> 01:08:02,016 It's... it's this cannibal thing, 1120 01:08:02,082 --> 01:08:04,719 it's just kind of stupid. 1121 01:08:04,852 --> 01:08:07,555 And that apron, just hang it up. 1122 01:08:07,622 --> 01:08:09,323 You don't wanna put your foot in your mouth. 1123 01:08:21,234 --> 01:08:22,469 Whoa. 1124 01:08:27,976 --> 01:08:29,644 I should've never listened to you. 1125 01:08:34,281 --> 01:08:36,618 Now I am not allowed to step foot in that club again. 1126 01:08:39,921 --> 01:08:41,055 My career's over. 1127 01:08:45,693 --> 01:08:47,327 I was only trying to help. 1128 01:08:48,630 --> 01:08:49,597 What happened? 1129 01:08:52,600 --> 01:08:54,167 I... I asked Carrey... 1130 01:08:55,670 --> 01:08:57,739 ...why he wouldn't let me up anymore. 1131 01:08:59,774 --> 01:09:00,842 And he just said... 1132 01:09:02,844 --> 01:09:04,779 the... the club doesn't want my act. 1133 01:09:08,616 --> 01:09:11,451 He... he said they... they think cannibals are stupid. 1134 01:09:11,953 --> 01:09:13,688 Hey. 1135 01:09:15,089 --> 01:09:17,457 I think cannibals are cool. And... 1136 01:09:18,358 --> 01:09:20,028 I love your jokes. 1137 01:09:20,862 --> 01:09:23,397 Your act's original, unique. 1138 01:09:24,231 --> 01:09:27,401 Shit, I wish I would've thought of it. 1139 01:09:30,337 --> 01:09:32,640 I need to reevaluate my career... 1140 01:09:35,009 --> 01:09:36,978 and my life options. 1141 01:09:37,779 --> 01:09:41,381 Don't let that stop you, this is just a setback. 1142 01:09:42,315 --> 01:09:45,218 A true artist never gives up. 1143 01:09:56,731 --> 01:09:57,965 Hey, man, look-- 1144 01:10:02,603 --> 01:10:03,503 What's up? 1145 01:10:05,039 --> 01:10:07,508 You really gonna steal Charlie's cannibal act? 1146 01:10:07,575 --> 01:10:09,077 Would you keep your voice down. 1147 01:10:09,209 --> 01:10:10,845 Who told you? 1148 01:10:11,211 --> 01:10:12,513 This is a small club 1149 01:10:12,613 --> 01:10:14,247 and the other comics are talking. 1150 01:10:14,347 --> 01:10:17,151 - I'm just saying. - What's it matter to you? 1151 01:10:18,086 --> 01:10:19,687 Charlie has fans, 1152 01:10:19,987 --> 01:10:22,255 and they're gonna know you stole his act. 1153 01:10:23,057 --> 01:10:25,258 Do you think I'm a fucking moron? 1154 01:10:26,761 --> 01:10:28,763 - Well? - Well what? 1155 01:10:28,863 --> 01:10:31,065 Do you think I'm a fucking moron? 1156 01:10:31,833 --> 01:10:33,034 Of course not, Carrey, 1157 01:10:33,101 --> 01:10:34,035 - I'm just try-- - Okay, then make sure 1158 01:10:34,102 --> 01:10:36,838 these comics are in check or it's your ass. 1159 01:10:37,538 --> 01:10:38,472 Guys are sounding like a bunch 1160 01:10:38,573 --> 01:10:40,240 of schoolgirls on their periods. 1161 01:10:41,008 --> 01:10:44,045 Okay, boss, I'll... I'll get right on it. 1162 01:10:45,012 --> 01:10:47,014 Oh, and I'm taking the show on the road. 1163 01:10:47,280 --> 01:10:48,916 No one outside the club knows about this. 1164 01:10:49,650 --> 01:10:50,551 Okay. 1165 01:10:51,451 --> 01:10:52,385 Smart. 1166 01:11:00,728 --> 01:11:03,131 Oh, hey, hey, sir, we're not quite open yet, uh... 1167 01:11:03,231 --> 01:11:04,331 Come back around seven-- 1168 01:11:04,431 --> 01:11:07,635 Oh, all right, what's your poison? 1169 01:11:08,669 --> 01:11:09,971 Hey, how's it going, folks? 1170 01:11:10,071 --> 01:11:12,907 I am Carrey, the first ever Cannibal Comic. 1171 01:11:13,040 --> 01:11:16,677 And I'm also, fun fact, the owner of this place. 1172 01:11:17,111 --> 01:11:19,680 So if any future comics wanna be on this stage, 1173 01:11:19,881 --> 01:11:22,617 it's gonna cost you an arm and a leg. 1174 01:11:23,951 --> 01:11:26,154 Uh, who am I kidding? I butchered that joke. 1175 01:11:26,453 --> 01:11:31,291 - Yeah. - Whoa! 'ho 'ho 'ho 'ho! 1176 01:11:31,491 --> 01:11:32,627 Whoa! 1177 01:11:32,794 --> 01:11:35,428 I got you, that was... that was real. 1178 01:11:35,495 --> 01:11:36,631 - Oh, man. - Oh, come on, 1179 01:11:36,697 --> 01:11:37,899 gimme a hand, will you? 1180 01:11:38,533 --> 01:11:39,934 Whoa, hey! 1181 01:11:40,367 --> 01:11:41,536 Unfortunately, 1182 01:11:41,936 --> 01:11:43,671 I had a victim that got away from me. 1183 01:11:43,771 --> 01:11:44,672 Mm. 1184 01:11:44,772 --> 01:11:47,909 Then I later found out that she hung herself. 1185 01:11:48,609 --> 01:11:51,913 Ugh. Yeah, I read about it in Noose Weekly. 1186 01:11:53,446 --> 01:11:56,551 The newspaper that reports on people that hang themselves! 1187 01:11:57,718 --> 01:11:59,386 All right guys, well that is my time. 1188 01:11:59,520 --> 01:12:01,856 Thank you for coming out. Four drink minimum. 1189 01:12:11,933 --> 01:12:12,800 Hello? 1190 01:12:12,934 --> 01:12:14,401 That club owner guy, Carrey, 1191 01:12:15,136 --> 01:12:16,336 he's doing your act. 1192 01:12:16,804 --> 01:12:18,471 Wait, what... what... what did you say? 1193 01:12:18,673 --> 01:12:22,577 Oh, I was just down at the club and he's doing cannibal jokes. 1194 01:12:23,410 --> 01:12:27,048 The asshole even had a bloody apron. 1195 01:12:29,684 --> 01:12:30,751 Are you jerking off? 1196 01:12:55,309 --> 01:12:56,210 Fuck! 1197 01:12:56,744 --> 01:12:58,913 This is Carrey commercial B, take number two. 1198 01:13:00,214 --> 01:13:03,450 Let me axe you a question, does comedy make you laugh? 1199 01:13:03,618 --> 01:13:06,587 It should, so you should come down to The Funny Pit, 1200 01:13:06,721 --> 01:13:08,388 where tickets are still free 1201 01:13:08,455 --> 01:13:10,258 with the purchase of a four-drink minimum. 1202 01:13:10,390 --> 01:13:12,660 And you'll get to see me, Carrey, 1203 01:13:12,793 --> 01:13:15,462 the original cannibal comedian, the first one ever. 1204 01:13:15,563 --> 01:13:17,598 No one else has ever done it before. 1205 01:13:17,765 --> 01:13:20,400 And we are still located in the middle of the desert. 1206 01:13:20,467 --> 01:13:21,468 How convenient! 1207 01:13:21,602 --> 01:13:23,638 And if you can't make it at that, guess what? 1208 01:13:23,804 --> 01:13:25,106 I'm going on tour, 1209 01:13:25,206 --> 01:13:27,008 and I put my whole heart into it. 1210 01:13:28,643 --> 01:13:31,045 Well, someone's. 1211 01:13:31,345 --> 01:13:32,713 Come on down, now. 1212 01:13:35,182 --> 01:13:37,551 Dude, I slayed tonight... 1213 01:13:37,618 --> 01:13:39,287 - murdered! - Yeah, man, 1214 01:13:39,387 --> 01:13:40,922 I guess you could say there were, uh, 1215 01:13:41,022 --> 01:13:43,057 no axe-cidents! 1216 01:13:43,124 --> 01:13:46,459 You crazy, boss, you crazy. Look, here go the keys. 1217 01:13:46,527 --> 01:13:48,129 Uh, the building is locked up, 1218 01:13:48,262 --> 01:13:49,563 - I'm out, peace out. - All right. 1219 01:13:49,630 --> 01:13:53,234 All right, see you later, man. 1220 01:14:01,676 --> 01:14:02,576 Charlie? 1221 01:14:04,645 --> 01:14:07,248 No. Hey, Charlie, is that you? 1222 01:14:10,251 --> 01:14:11,152 Hello? 1223 01:14:12,520 --> 01:14:14,522 Why you acting all weird and shit? 1224 01:14:16,824 --> 01:14:18,659 Didn't I tell you not to come around here, man? 1225 01:14:19,694 --> 01:14:20,594 Damn. 1226 01:14:22,229 --> 01:14:23,130 Hey! 1227 01:14:27,500 --> 01:14:30,438 Okay, Pleatherface, really scary. 1228 01:14:36,110 --> 01:14:37,078 Wow. 1229 01:14:38,179 --> 01:14:39,080 Dramatic. 1230 01:14:40,781 --> 01:14:41,816 Fucking weirdo. 1231 01:14:42,883 --> 01:14:43,818 Stop doing that! 1232 01:14:47,855 --> 01:14:50,324 Oh, shit, shit. Fuck, fuck, fuck. 1233 01:14:54,996 --> 01:14:57,031 Whoa, whoa, whoa. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no! 1234 01:15:35,503 --> 01:15:38,372 Wake up, sleepy head. 1235 01:15:44,245 --> 01:15:45,379 Oh, and you! 1236 01:15:46,347 --> 01:15:48,149 You're always in my way. 1237 01:15:50,151 --> 01:15:53,054 - Holy shit. - Well, Carrey, it's official. 1238 01:15:53,487 --> 01:15:55,524 You're a certified schmuck, you know that? 1239 01:15:56,190 --> 01:15:57,058 It's true, huh? 1240 01:15:58,325 --> 01:15:59,760 You... you really are... 1241 01:16:01,429 --> 01:16:04,098 are a cannibal, huh? I don't believe it. 1242 01:16:04,231 --> 01:16:06,167 Oh, oh, believe it, bud. 1243 01:16:06,901 --> 01:16:09,170 - Well, I don't. - Because, uh, 1244 01:16:09,370 --> 01:16:11,038 I've been thinking of what I'm gonna do to you 1245 01:16:11,105 --> 01:16:12,173 and, uh-- 1246 01:16:13,542 --> 01:16:15,943 I dunno, maybe use your skin as a... 1247 01:16:16,110 --> 01:16:18,979 as a lampshade, you know, to lighten up my life. 1248 01:16:19,246 --> 01:16:20,981 A cannibal joke, yeah. 1249 01:16:21,782 --> 01:16:24,652 Listen, man, if this is about... this... 1250 01:16:24,752 --> 01:16:28,422 if this is about stage time, I... I... we could fix that. 1251 01:16:28,789 --> 01:16:29,824 I could give you more stage time. 1252 01:16:29,924 --> 01:16:32,126 I mean-- Hell, I could give you the whole club. 1253 01:16:32,527 --> 01:16:34,829 What... what if we... Hey, what if we called it 1254 01:16:35,196 --> 01:16:36,397 the... 1255 01:16:36,664 --> 01:16:39,400 Ch... Charlie's Comedy Club? 1256 01:16:40,401 --> 01:16:42,571 That has a ring to it, does to me. 1257 01:16:44,271 --> 01:16:46,240 You know, you'd do something like that for me? 1258 01:16:46,440 --> 01:16:47,308 Oh, yeah! 1259 01:16:48,075 --> 01:16:49,544 I mean, as long as we agree, 1260 01:16:49,610 --> 01:16:50,978 you're not gonna eat me or something like that. 1261 01:16:53,013 --> 01:16:55,015 Carrey, I'm not gonna eat you. 1262 01:16:56,117 --> 01:16:57,852 I don't eat rotten people. 1263 01:16:59,220 --> 01:17:01,822 Wait... wait, what-- 1264 01:17:02,623 --> 01:17:04,391 Who, who said I was rotten? 1265 01:17:06,227 --> 01:17:08,295 Wait, you... you think I'm rotten? 1266 01:17:11,600 --> 01:17:12,700 I'm gonna enjoy this. 1267 01:17:15,002 --> 01:17:16,971 Ah. Fuck. 1268 01:17:19,673 --> 01:17:20,575 Ugh. 1269 01:17:21,475 --> 01:17:22,611 Ah. 1270 01:17:23,010 --> 01:17:23,944 Ugh. 1271 01:17:25,279 --> 01:17:26,180 Hmm... 1272 01:17:29,650 --> 01:17:31,620 Oh, this is a great song, you heard this one? 1273 01:17:31,785 --> 01:17:32,686 No, no, come on. 1274 01:17:32,786 --> 01:17:35,022 Don't be rude now, yes or no, no? 1275 01:17:37,057 --> 01:17:39,193 It's funny, you know, this artist, 1276 01:17:39,994 --> 01:17:43,864 he actually stole this from somebody else. 1277 01:17:44,999 --> 01:17:47,334 Yeah, yeah, apparently made a fortune off of it. 1278 01:17:49,036 --> 01:17:51,805 God, who does that remind you of? 1279 01:17:52,006 --> 01:17:52,873 Hang on! 1280 01:17:53,240 --> 01:17:54,975 You don't wanna put your foot in your mouth... 1281 01:17:55,075 --> 01:17:56,477 Oh, no, no, no, I-- 1282 01:17:56,611 --> 01:17:57,478 Allow me. 1283 01:17:57,546 --> 01:17:59,614 Please, st-- 1284 01:18:00,814 --> 01:18:03,284 Oh. 1285 01:18:05,452 --> 01:18:07,221 I guess you don't like eating your own words, do you? 1286 01:18:07,354 --> 01:18:08,289 Fuck... 1287 01:18:09,290 --> 01:18:10,391 Well, you know what I like to say? 1288 01:18:10,891 --> 01:18:11,926 Five second rule. 1289 01:18:12,026 --> 01:18:13,194 Ugh. 1290 01:18:13,327 --> 01:18:15,396 Mm. I tell you, 1291 01:18:16,397 --> 01:18:17,731 with the music and this, 1292 01:18:18,365 --> 01:18:21,168 and you, it's like a, what a toe jam! 1293 01:18:21,235 --> 01:18:23,704 Please stop... 1294 01:18:24,405 --> 01:18:26,641 with all the cannibal jokes! 1295 01:18:27,074 --> 01:18:29,009 Cannibal jokes... 1296 01:18:30,377 --> 01:18:32,780 You know, being a cannibal, you think it's a joke? 1297 01:18:32,880 --> 01:18:34,649 You think being a cannibal is a joke? 1298 01:18:34,848 --> 01:18:36,217 You know, this is my life! 1299 01:18:37,017 --> 01:18:39,086 You know, you think you could just take people's things? 1300 01:18:39,186 --> 01:18:40,354 You could take people's lives? 1301 01:18:40,421 --> 01:18:42,189 You can't take someone else's material! 1302 01:18:42,256 --> 01:18:43,791 You want my life, you want this? 1303 01:18:44,124 --> 01:18:45,392 Take me for everything I got? 1304 01:18:45,492 --> 01:18:49,263 Okay, I... I... it's... it's clear you're upset 1305 01:18:49,363 --> 01:18:52,499 and I'll stop taking all the cannibal jokes. 1306 01:18:53,367 --> 01:18:55,803 Can I trust you? Can I take your word on that? 1307 01:18:55,936 --> 01:18:58,973 Trust me, I will leave, I will go off to some... 1308 01:18:59,406 --> 01:19:03,811 Uh... beach resort on an island somewhere, all inclusive. 1309 01:19:03,911 --> 01:19:05,813 You'll never hear from me again, okay? 1310 01:19:05,980 --> 01:19:07,815 It's too late for that, Carrey. 1311 01:19:09,116 --> 01:19:10,585 Listen here, motherfucker, 1312 01:19:10,918 --> 01:19:11,986 don't get it twisted! 1313 01:19:12,152 --> 01:19:14,888 Who else do you think would put your creepy face on stage? 1314 01:19:15,523 --> 01:19:16,725 Who else do you think would actually 1315 01:19:16,790 --> 01:19:18,425 give you any stage time? 1316 01:19:19,527 --> 01:19:21,895 The same cannibal joke over and over again. 1317 01:19:21,962 --> 01:19:23,364 Oh, it's another pun! 1318 01:19:23,831 --> 01:19:26,467 Hilarious! Oh, it's hilarious! 1319 01:19:27,535 --> 01:19:29,537 Oh, I got thicker skin this time. 1320 01:19:29,604 --> 01:19:32,273 Oh, that's hilarious. 1321 01:19:32,373 --> 01:19:33,708 Oh, it's so funny. 1322 01:19:34,775 --> 01:19:35,909 You're one note. 1323 01:19:36,977 --> 01:19:40,314 You go in with the same material over and over. 1324 01:19:43,652 --> 01:19:46,086 Look, man, I don't know how you did it, 1325 01:19:46,588 --> 01:19:49,123 but... ...you're a has been, 1326 01:19:49,189 --> 01:19:51,091 and you haven't even been famous yet! 1327 01:19:56,397 --> 01:19:57,264 You... 1328 01:19:59,433 --> 01:20:01,502 you just... you wait right here! 1329 01:20:03,270 --> 01:20:04,338 You wait right here... 1330 01:20:05,640 --> 01:20:06,775 I'm sorry... 1331 01:20:07,274 --> 01:20:08,309 Hey! 1332 01:20:09,209 --> 01:20:10,177 Hey... 1333 01:20:11,045 --> 01:20:13,782 It's better to be a has been than never was. 1334 01:20:14,281 --> 01:20:15,316 Chrystal! 1335 01:20:16,216 --> 01:20:17,418 Chrystal... 1336 01:20:17,985 --> 01:20:19,820 Huh? 1337 01:20:19,887 --> 01:20:21,221 Oh, my God... 1338 01:20:22,122 --> 01:20:23,625 I, uh, I gotta talk to you. 1339 01:20:27,662 --> 01:20:30,197 Hmm, what's wrong, sweetheart? 1340 01:21:02,162 --> 01:21:03,063 Huh... 1341 01:21:14,875 --> 01:21:15,844 Hello, Charlie. 1342 01:21:16,176 --> 01:21:17,945 It's your favorite captive, Chrystal. 1343 01:21:19,748 --> 01:21:21,415 I bet you're not feeling real great. 1344 01:21:21,850 --> 01:21:23,250 I reckon you had it coming. 1345 01:21:23,651 --> 01:21:27,522 You got careless and really underestimated me. 1346 01:21:27,756 --> 01:21:29,390 You don't know who you're messing with! 1347 01:21:30,391 --> 01:21:32,727 I know we had something special between us. 1348 01:21:33,427 --> 01:21:36,598 We both share that hunger for the spotlight 1349 01:21:37,532 --> 01:21:39,768 and I've worked up a very different appetite, 1350 01:21:39,933 --> 01:21:40,835 thanks to you. 1351 01:21:46,273 --> 01:21:48,275 Maybe we'll meet again, 1352 01:21:48,409 --> 01:21:50,779 one day, in another life. 1353 01:21:51,245 --> 01:21:54,148 Just know your act is in better hands now. 1354 01:21:55,916 --> 01:21:57,084 - Chrystal... - Oh, 1355 01:21:57,151 --> 01:21:59,953 and sorry for recording over your favorite comedy tape. 1356 01:22:00,053 --> 01:22:01,856 - No... - Gotta go. 1357 01:22:02,389 --> 01:22:03,323 Bye, sweetie. 1358 01:22:03,457 --> 01:22:04,324 Chrystal... 1359 01:22:05,693 --> 01:22:06,861 What? Why? 1360 01:22:07,595 --> 01:22:09,430 Chrystal! 1361 01:22:10,865 --> 01:22:13,535 Chrystal! 1362 01:22:16,069 --> 01:22:18,138 Chrystal! 1363 01:22:21,810 --> 01:22:25,345 All right, everyone, and now, under new management, 1364 01:22:25,446 --> 01:22:28,550 boys, eat your hearts out, eat your hearts out! 1365 01:22:29,016 --> 01:22:31,018 Coming to the stage is the very funny 1366 01:22:31,118 --> 01:22:33,721 and desirable, which means she fine, 1367 01:22:34,021 --> 01:22:36,423 Chrystal the Cannibal Comic! 1368 01:22:36,490 --> 01:22:39,928 Give it to her, y'all. 1369 01:22:40,027 --> 01:22:41,295 See, she fine. 1370 01:22:49,269 --> 01:22:51,004 You ever been up late at night, 1371 01:22:51,138 --> 01:22:53,974 with the munchies, and you just wanna snack? 1372 01:22:54,174 --> 01:22:55,108 Yeah. 1373 01:22:57,110 --> 01:22:58,680 I'll be damned if I know where to find 1374 01:22:58,813 --> 01:23:00,949 jalapeño-flavored babies at 3:00 AM. 1375 01:23:06,186 --> 01:23:08,322 I was with this waitress the other night. 1376 01:23:08,923 --> 01:23:11,826 She asked me, "Do cannibals eat ya whole?" 1377 01:23:12,392 --> 01:23:13,460 I said, "No!" 1378 01:23:13,795 --> 01:23:15,597 "We spit that part out when we get to it." 1379 01:23:17,665 --> 01:23:18,800 Tastes like shit. 1380 01:23:19,534 --> 01:23:21,235 She asked if she could go down on me. 1381 01:23:22,837 --> 01:23:24,404 Mm-hmm... 1382 01:23:24,839 --> 01:23:26,674 I said, "Sure, can I go first?" 1383 01:23:29,476 --> 01:23:31,178 I got a little carried away... 1384 01:23:32,547 --> 01:23:33,480 Mm. 1385 01:23:35,650 --> 01:23:37,251 All that's left is her wedding ring. 1386 01:23:38,485 --> 01:23:40,655 Hey, I thought it was an all-you-can-eat deal. 1387 01:23:43,958 --> 01:23:46,226 Hey, I'm Chrystal, the Cannibal Comedian. 1388 01:23:46,360 --> 01:23:48,095 And if anybody tells you cannibals ain't funny, 1389 01:23:48,228 --> 01:23:49,329 well they can eat me! 1390 01:23:56,671 --> 01:23:58,405 ♪ I'm losing my cool ♪ 1391 01:23:58,706 --> 01:24:01,009 ♪ I'm feeling like a fool ♪ 1392 01:24:01,208 --> 01:24:05,445 ♪ What's wrong with me? ♪ 1393 01:24:05,813 --> 01:24:08,048 ♪ I want to numb the pain ♪ 1394 01:24:08,382 --> 01:24:10,552 ♪ Never feel again ♪ 1395 01:24:10,685 --> 01:24:13,053 ♪ What's the point ♪ 1396 01:24:13,453 --> 01:24:15,023 ♪ Anyway? ♪ 1397 01:24:15,222 --> 01:24:17,457 ♪ Pushin' and drivin' ♪ 1398 01:24:17,592 --> 01:24:19,561 ♪ Takin' the wheel ♪ 1399 01:24:19,661 --> 01:24:22,296 ♪ I've running around and cruisin' ♪ 1400 01:24:22,396 --> 01:24:24,832 ♪ Never realizin' ♪ 1401 01:24:25,065 --> 01:24:28,836 ♪ I'm locked up inside my head ♪ 1402 01:24:28,937 --> 01:24:30,137 ♪ I need to ♪ 1403 01:24:30,237 --> 01:24:34,576 ♪ Break free from this dumb fictional prison, whoa... ♪ 1404 01:24:34,742 --> 01:24:35,677 Hey! 1405 01:24:36,544 --> 01:24:37,712 Hello? 1406 01:24:38,245 --> 01:24:39,279 Oh, thank God, 1407 01:24:39,914 --> 01:24:42,050 I've never been this excited to see a cop before. 1408 01:24:42,416 --> 01:24:43,918 I got a story to tell you, man. 1409 01:24:44,318 --> 01:24:46,420 There is this fucking crazy psycho dude. 1410 01:24:46,588 --> 01:24:47,855 You gotta, first of all, untie me. 1411 01:24:47,922 --> 01:24:49,156 I have this mic cord and-- 1412 01:24:51,726 --> 01:24:52,760 The fuck? 1413 01:24:55,763 --> 01:24:57,497 Sheriff, hey! 1414 01:24:59,033 --> 01:24:59,968 Hello? 1415 01:25:00,902 --> 01:25:02,469 All right, all right, all right. 1416 01:25:04,739 --> 01:25:05,974 Coming next to the stage. 1417 01:25:07,407 --> 01:25:08,743 Someone we all know. 1418 01:25:10,712 --> 01:25:12,346 You know Charlie from the sub shop. 1419 01:25:14,048 --> 01:25:15,717 Charlie, come on up here and do your thing, man. 1420 01:25:17,719 --> 01:25:19,286 ♪ Think it's a joke but it ain't funny ♪ 1421 01:25:19,419 --> 01:25:20,454 - ♪ Naw ♪ - ♪ We'll see who laughing ♪ 1422 01:25:20,588 --> 01:25:22,456 ♪ When your ass is chilling in my tummy ♪ 1423 01:25:23,423 --> 01:25:25,927 ♪ Get it, I'm a cannibal they call me the Red Dragon ♪ 1424 01:25:25,994 --> 01:25:28,930 ♪ I silence the lambs Hannibal nah, I'm Charlie ♪ 1425 01:25:28,997 --> 01:25:30,430 ♪ Hello, pleased to meet you ♪ 1426 01:25:30,497 --> 01:25:32,734 ♪ Later on, I eat you with the homie Sheriff Weaver ♪ 1427 01:25:32,800 --> 01:25:35,469 ♪ Hey, yeah, I'm a standup comedian ♪ 1428 01:25:35,603 --> 01:25:36,604 ♪ I'm in the streets again ♪ 1429 01:25:36,771 --> 01:25:38,773 ♪ This ain't a game, you'll feed my friends ♪ 1430 01:25:39,007 --> 01:25:41,341 ♪ It's sickening where should I begin ♪ 1431 01:25:41,441 --> 01:25:43,945 ♪ This ain't the lost and found you never seen again ♪ 1432 01:25:44,012 --> 01:25:46,480 ♪ I'm on some other shit catch me at The Funny Pit ♪ 1433 01:25:46,781 --> 01:25:48,916 ♪ Me, Carrey, and Vic trying to run up on the lick ♪ 1434 01:25:49,083 --> 01:25:50,084 ♪ Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha ♪ 1435 01:25:50,150 --> 01:25:51,519 ♪ Stop laughing, ain't nothing funny ♪ 1436 01:25:51,619 --> 01:25:52,687 ♪ Girl, I know you think I'm joking ♪ 1437 01:25:52,787 --> 01:25:55,322 ♪ 'Cause I'm up there doing comedy, obviously ♪ 1438 01:25:55,389 --> 01:25:56,691 ♪ Sadly what you say is true ♪ 1439 01:25:56,791 --> 01:25:57,959 ♪ But what you really didn't know ♪ 1440 01:25:58,026 --> 01:26:00,795 ♪ Is that the joke is on you So, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha ♪ 1441 01:26:00,862 --> 01:26:02,295 ♪ Stop laughing, ain't nothing funny ♪ 1442 01:26:02,362 --> 01:26:03,397 ♪ I know you think I'm joking ♪ 1443 01:26:03,531 --> 01:26:06,000 ♪ 'Cause I'm up here doing comedy, obviously ♪ 1444 01:26:06,100 --> 01:26:07,367 ♪ Sadly what you say is true ♪ 1445 01:26:07,467 --> 01:26:08,803 ♪ But what you really didn't know ♪ 1446 01:26:08,870 --> 01:26:10,370 ♪ Is that the joke is on you ♪ 1447 01:26:10,838 --> 01:26:13,240 ♪ Sick and tired of living life like a goldfish ♪ 1448 01:26:13,340 --> 01:26:15,810 ♪ Seems like the more that I try the smaller my bowl gets ♪ 1449 01:26:16,209 --> 01:26:18,579 ♪ Tried my hand with this comedy made me feel better ♪ 1450 01:26:18,780 --> 01:26:21,049 ♪ I met a girl last week but I want to eat Heather ♪ 1451 01:26:21,149 --> 01:26:24,152 ♪ Like, really eat Heather my head is fucked up ♪ 1452 01:26:24,217 --> 01:26:26,120 ♪ Take her back to the sub shop get dressed up ♪ 1453 01:26:26,186 --> 01:26:27,121 ♪ Damn! ♪ 1454 01:26:27,254 --> 01:26:28,823 ♪ And no, this ain't sun dress season ♪ 1455 01:26:28,956 --> 01:26:30,958 ♪ I mean, dressing her up with mad flavors ♪ 1456 01:26:31,059 --> 01:26:32,225 - ♪ And seasonings ♪ - ♪ Wow! ♪ 1457 01:26:32,325 --> 01:26:34,394 ♪ Think, Charlie, think No, she's too pretty ♪ 1458 01:26:34,461 --> 01:26:35,530 ♪ If Chrystal find out ♪ 1459 01:26:35,596 --> 01:26:37,230 ♪ She's going to alert the whole city ♪ 1460 01:26:37,330 --> 01:26:38,966 ♪ Just keep 'em laughing just keep 'em laughing ♪ 1461 01:26:39,033 --> 01:26:40,200 ♪ They won't notice ♪ 1462 01:26:40,267 --> 01:26:42,804 ♪ It's all a charade my whole standup is bogus ♪ 1463 01:26:42,870 --> 01:26:44,005 ♪ I'm a fucking killer ♪ 1464 01:26:44,138 --> 01:26:46,174 ♪ No, not Heather like seriously, dog ♪ 1465 01:26:46,339 --> 01:26:47,809 ♪ I'm really a fucking killer ♪ 1466 01:26:47,975 --> 01:26:50,144 ♪ Only a matter of time before they catch me ♪ 1467 01:26:50,210 --> 01:26:51,813 ♪ Might as well keep feeding my face ♪ 1468 01:26:51,879 --> 01:26:53,380 ♪ Don't judge or at me ha, ha, ha, ha, ha ♪ 1469 01:26:53,548 --> 01:26:54,982 Well, thanks for coming tonight. 1470 01:26:55,083 --> 01:26:57,451 Um, I do have some new material. 1471 01:26:57,552 --> 01:26:59,587 Um, I'm still trying to flesh it out. 1472 01:27:01,221 --> 01:27:02,255 If you know what I mean. 1473 01:27:02,355 --> 01:27:03,825 ♪ That the joke is on you ♪ 1474 01:27:03,925 --> 01:27:05,927 Well, well, well... 1475 01:27:06,094 --> 01:27:09,063 ...you're still here, huh? 1476 01:27:09,229 --> 01:27:11,364 Y... you hungry for more? 1477 01:27:11,999 --> 01:27:14,068 Ooh. 1478 01:27:15,469 --> 01:27:19,306 Yeah, yeah, yeah. 1479 01:27:19,841 --> 01:27:22,309 Well, maybe your old pal Skelly, 1480 01:27:22,442 --> 01:27:25,278 is... is gonna tell you what happens next 1481 01:27:25,445 --> 01:27:27,582 in the sequel. 1482 01:27:31,318 --> 01:27:33,087 I... I have a bone to pick 1483 01:27:33,221 --> 01:27:39,894 with anyone who... who thinks our story's over. 1484 01:28:13,661 --> 01:28:15,229 This is my nightmare. 108508