Original subtitles

It's a lot like whack-a-mole and Skee-Ball and dodgeball,

a little spearfishing, and a touch of Clue.

Wow, steel ball sounds like

a very dangerous game, Jichael Mordan.

People die, but it's not dangerous.

Oh, my God, it's my bed.

That's so crazy.

My bed is never at the end of the hallway.

Sunny, you're so grounded, so adjusted,

so emotionally aware of who you are.

I wanna put a baby in you, girl.

Absolutely not.

Now if you're the mother of my child,

what should your allowance be like?

10,000?

A week?

Great idea. And, like, 20 nannies.

One for each day of the month.

Give me one sec.

- I'll be right back! - Hey, no problem.

I'll just watch some good old Steel TV till you get back.

Come on, come on. Where is it when you need it?

So, funny story.

I left my uterus at home. But if you give me a few minutes…

- I can run over and grab it. - I have a tournament.

At the Bermuda Triangle in about two hours.

Well, we can just make a baby when you come back.

I'm not comin' back.

Alright, well, be back in a jiff.

Ladi, Tulip, I lost my uterus, and I need help finding it.

That's wonderful!

Hell, yeah. I've been dyin' for a reason

to try out this new weapon I purchased.

Hey, I thought I made it crystal fuckin' clear

that you ain't welcome here.

Wait, what? Why?

Okay, fuck this.

Thief!

Jerk. Anyways, do you remember…

- Where you had it last? - Had what?

My uterus. Not even a little bit.

But it feels like a recent thing, though.

Maybe it's best we retrace your steps.

Let's start with where you were last night.

So, by the time he tried

to get the third tentacle in, I was like…

… buddy, we just fuckin' met.

There's no fucking way you're getting in here.

Why? Because it's gay alien night?

Because we aren't gay aliens?

Look, bitch, the correct term is gaylien.

And you know that.

I don't know shit, you galactiscunt.

Mr. Gaylien, I'd like to apologize for my friend.

She has a lot to unlearn about cosmo-sexuals.

We're looking for something special.

- You need to be more specific. - An above-average uterus.

Fine, I'll scan the parameters.

It's not in here.

You didn't even fucking look.

I do see a purse in the north corner booth,

but you bitches look like you don't carry purses.

- So… - That's it!

Thank you, Mr. Gaylien.

So glad I'm not from this ghetto-ass planet!

You never told us why you need your uterus.

Jichael Mordan wants to make a baby with me

and bankroll my entire existence.

Jichael Mordan?

The greatest steel ball player of all time

wants you to have his kids?

You're a steel ball fan?

Jichael's steel balls have been sucked into more holes

than anyone in the league.

Speaking of balls, I know a place we can look.

The mechanic? Why would he have it?

This is between you, me, and a tree, but a few weeks ago,

he gave it a spit shine on the house.

Yeah, girl!

Yeah! Come on. Look it, look. Look at my moves.

Well, well, well. If it isn't the bitch who made Jamal.

Well, well, well, Jamal's trash girlfriend.

I'm trash, but you're getting head from a vacuum cleaner.

What are you doin' here? We're closed.

Let's stay focused. Sir, we're looking for a uterus.

You lost your fuckin' uterus? I knew you were scum.

Who said it was my uterus?

After you trashed my hangar, toyed with my equipment,

and got chips on the control panel of the motherboard?

You're the most irresponsible person I ever met.

I wasn't irresponsible when you were begging me

to step on your balls, now, was I?

Now, I see the connection.

Take your wombless ass and get the fuck out.

Nobody talks to her like that but me.

- Get off me! - Ladi, let's go.

Let me un-alive that motherfucker!

Where were we? Yeah.

Hi, Jichael.

Sorry it's taking me so long to get back.

I ended up falling in the toilet.

It's okay. Bermuda Triangle just showed up to my house

and suggested I give away all my money and assets now,

but only to someone I have blood ties to.

The Bermuda Triangle is a location.

That's what I said. Anyways, I'll do my best

to stall them for about 45 minutes.

Oh my God.

I have 45 minutes to get pregnant and take possession

of everything Jichael owns. We have to hurry.

Let's do some object association.

What was near the uterus that you can remember?

Arugula.

Dolphin penis.

And, um, water balloons?

Oh, shit. I remember now.

It was the day we harassed that Wehovah's Jitness.

Have you heard the good news?

Welcome to our watchtower, bitch.

The kingdom does not approve.

Damn, we're out already.

I got one more.

Wait, wait. What the hell is that?

My uterus.

You don't think you're gonna need that at some point?

No. I'm a piece of shit.

Every man I've ever loved was right about me.

Having impeccable facial structure

doesn't mean I have what it takes to be a partner

worth loving or committing to.

It's probably best that I destroy it.

Sunny, being in a committed relationship

and needing a uterus are not mutually exclusive.

Tight.

Oh, no!

Welp, so long, lazy millionaire woman future.

Like I've always said,

organized religion ruins everything.

Speaking of religion,

I know a place where I can get a fresh one.

Like, a really, really fresh one.

Like, a terrifyingly fresh one.

Like, it's still bleedin' and shit.

- Can we just go? - Yes.

Antelopo, lorem ipsum.

Antelopo, lorem ipsum.

Antelopo, lorem ipsum.

Hootie-hoo! Hello? Hello. Hi. Hi. Hi.

I'm looking for a Ted.

Ted Banks. Did a Ted Banks come in today?

- Sunny? - Ted!

- You son of a bitch! - It's been ages!

Come on back.

Hiding safe from the blinding,

Light that's reminded me

Of you!

How was Rebecca's banana nut bread?

Was it too nutty?

Delicious, Ted, but maybe use a third of the walnuts next time.

- Right. - I'm allergic.

Right. So, what's up?

Long story short, I threw my uterus at someone,

and I need another one now, please.

Classic Sunny.

Let's check the lost and found.

Rebecca's thinking about getting that surgery you got as well.

We got three little ones who we love,

but it's like three's company, four's a crowd.

I think it's a woman's right to choose

to pop their uterus in or out at their leisure.

I mean, it's theirs, am I right? People should have free will.

Couldn't agree more.

Tulip, what's gotten into you?

You know me. I'm an ally.

A few of the girls here are considering the operation.

Some have done it and decided

they didn't want their uterus anymore,

so they donated it to the Egosystems Sperm Bank.

The sperm bank!

Have you checked there?

You could probably just get a fresh one.

Thanks, Ted.

Bring it in.

Terrence, can you knock it the fuck off?

Sorry.

One fresh uterus, please.

This is a sperm bank, sweetie, okay?

Sperm. S-P-E-R-M, sperm.

S as in Sam, P as in pistachio.

We get it. I was told you guys

routinely receive uterus donations.

You were told wrong.

Oh, hello there! So, where do we want this pack

of routinely delivered uteruses-es-es?

Got damn!

You said all you had was sperm.

Miss Grumpy COD Receptionist, may we please have one?

My friend here is ready to have a baby,

and the father is not only incredibly wealthy,

he once juggled 37 balls in one night.

You seem like the last person on Earth

who should become a mom.

Yeah. There we go.

Wow, that bullet just conspired in my favor.

Asshole.

My bad.

I've been dying to try out this new gun, like, all day.

It's fine. It's just not meant to be.

Okay, I'll admit, it did feel really nice

to think about having a tiny Sunny running around here,

stuntin' on these little snot-nosed bitches.

Motherhood just isn't in the cards, alright?

For what it's worth,

I don't agree with anything you said

when we were drunk on the balcony that day.

Oh, my God, Ladi, that's…

that's a really nice thing to say.

I have another box in the truck.

Dude, then why did you let me give this whole dumbass speech?

I bet you do, booty.

There he is, right there.

The COD of my dreams.

- Are you ready to make a baby? - Absolutely.

Where's your dick?

Shit.

That damned triangle!

It took everything.

God!

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