All language subtitles for oh.my.god.yes.a.series.of.extremely.relatable.circumstances.s01e04.multi.1080p.web.x264-ukdtv[EZTVx.to]

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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:04,462 --> 00:00:07,007 It's a lot like whack-a-mole and Skee-Ball and dodgeball, 2 00:00:07,090 --> 00:00:09,801 a little spearfishing, and a touch of Clue. 3 00:00:09,884 --> 00:00:11,761 Wow, steel ball sounds like 4 00:00:11,845 --> 00:00:13,972 a very dangerous game, Jichael Mordan. 5 00:00:14,180 --> 00:00:15,640 People die, but it's not dangerous. 6 00:00:16,057 --> 00:00:18,101 Oh, my God, it's my bed. 7 00:00:21,938 --> 00:00:23,189 That's so crazy. 8 00:00:23,356 --> 00:00:25,859 My bed is never at the end of the hallway. 9 00:00:31,239 --> 00:00:33,742 Sunny, you're so grounded, so adjusted, 10 00:00:33,825 --> 00:00:36,494 so emotionally aware of who you are. 11 00:00:36,911 --> 00:00:38,621 I wanna put a baby in you, girl. 12 00:00:38,830 --> 00:00:39,956 Absolutely not. 13 00:00:41,833 --> 00:00:43,501 Now if you're the mother of my child, 14 00:00:43,585 --> 00:00:45,086 what should your allowance be like? 15 00:00:45,253 --> 00:00:46,379 10,000? 16 00:00:46,421 --> 00:00:47,672 A week? 17 00:00:48,256 --> 00:00:50,842 Great idea. And, like, 20 nannies. 18 00:00:51,092 --> 00:00:53,470 One for each day of the month. 19 00:00:54,054 --> 00:00:55,930 Give me one sec. 20 00:00:56,431 --> 00:00:59,142 - I'll be right back! - Hey, no problem. 21 00:00:59,392 --> 00:01:02,645 I'll just watch some good old Steel TV till you get back. 22 00:01:07,484 --> 00:01:10,361 Come on, come on. Where is it when you need it? 23 00:01:11,112 --> 00:01:12,781 So, funny story. 24 00:01:13,031 --> 00:01:15,950 I left my uterus at home. But if you give me a few minutes… 25 00:01:16,034 --> 00:01:18,244 - I can run over and grab it. - I have a tournament. 26 00:01:18,369 --> 00:01:20,205 At the Bermuda Triangle in about two hours. 27 00:01:20,330 --> 00:01:22,624 Well, we can just make a baby when you come back. 28 00:01:22,957 --> 00:01:24,209 I'm not comin' back. 29 00:01:24,709 --> 00:01:27,087 Alright, well, be back in a jiff. 30 00:01:34,177 --> 00:01:37,514 Ladi, Tulip, I lost my uterus, and I need help finding it. 31 00:01:37,806 --> 00:01:39,307 That's wonderful! 32 00:01:39,516 --> 00:01:42,102 Hell, yeah. I've been dyin' for a reason 33 00:01:42,185 --> 00:01:43,978 to try out this new weapon I purchased. 34 00:01:44,270 --> 00:01:47,816 Hey, I thought I made it crystal fuckin' clear 35 00:01:48,024 --> 00:01:49,442 that you ain't welcome here. 36 00:01:49,734 --> 00:01:51,319 Wait, what? Why? 37 00:02:04,249 --> 00:02:05,959 Okay, fuck this. 38 00:02:11,714 --> 00:02:13,925 Thief! 39 00:02:22,684 --> 00:02:25,645 Jerk. Anyways, do you remember… 40 00:02:25,728 --> 00:02:27,230 - Where you had it last? - Had what? 41 00:02:27,814 --> 00:02:30,191 My uterus. Not even a little bit. 42 00:02:30,358 --> 00:02:31,901 But it feels like a recent thing, though. 43 00:02:32,360 --> 00:02:34,362 Maybe it's best we retrace your steps. 44 00:02:34,612 --> 00:02:36,364 Let's start with where you were last night. 45 00:02:37,532 --> 00:02:38,700 So, by the time he tried 46 00:02:38,783 --> 00:02:40,660 to get the third tentacle in, I was like… 47 00:02:40,827 --> 00:02:43,121 … buddy, we just fuckin' met. 48 00:02:43,997 --> 00:02:47,625 There's no fucking way you're getting in here. 49 00:02:47,709 --> 00:02:50,044 Why? Because it's gay alien night? 50 00:02:50,295 --> 00:02:52,046 Because we aren't gay aliens? 51 00:02:52,130 --> 00:02:54,799 Look, bitch, the correct term is gaylien. 52 00:02:55,133 --> 00:02:56,342 And you know that. 53 00:02:56,426 --> 00:02:58,303 I don't know shit, you galactiscunt. 54 00:02:58,428 --> 00:03:01,055 Mr. Gaylien, I'd like to apologize for my friend. 55 00:03:01,306 --> 00:03:03,391 She has a lot to unlearn about cosmo-sexuals. 56 00:03:03,725 --> 00:03:05,268 We're looking for something special. 57 00:03:05,476 --> 00:03:07,937 - You need to be more specific. - An above-average uterus. 58 00:03:08,438 --> 00:03:10,440 Fine, I'll scan the parameters. 59 00:03:12,025 --> 00:03:13,151 It's not in here. 60 00:03:13,276 --> 00:03:14,861 You didn't even fucking look. 61 00:03:16,571 --> 00:03:19,032 I do see a purse in the north corner booth, 62 00:03:19,115 --> 00:03:21,117 but you bitches look like you don't carry purses. 63 00:03:21,326 --> 00:03:22,911 - So… - That's it! 64 00:03:24,621 --> 00:03:25,997 Thank you, Mr. Gaylien. 65 00:03:27,081 --> 00:03:29,834 So glad I'm not from this ghetto-ass planet! 66 00:03:30,877 --> 00:03:32,837 You never told us why you need your uterus. 67 00:03:33,087 --> 00:03:34,464 Jichael Mordan wants to make a baby with me 68 00:03:34,547 --> 00:03:35,798 and bankroll my entire existence. 69 00:03:35,965 --> 00:03:37,217 Jichael Mordan? 70 00:03:37,300 --> 00:03:38,885 The greatest steel ball player of all time 71 00:03:39,010 --> 00:03:40,428 wants you to have his kids? 72 00:03:40,553 --> 00:03:42,430 You're a steel ball fan? 73 00:03:42,680 --> 00:03:44,766 Jichael's steel balls have been sucked into more holes 74 00:03:44,849 --> 00:03:46,059 than anyone in the league. 75 00:03:46,601 --> 00:03:49,062 Speaking of balls, I know a place we can look. 76 00:03:51,648 --> 00:03:54,025 The mechanic? Why would he have it? 77 00:03:54,609 --> 00:03:56,527 This is between you, me, and a tree, but a few weeks ago, 78 00:03:56,653 --> 00:03:58,029 he gave it a spit shine on the house. 79 00:03:58,154 --> 00:03:59,364 Yeah, girl! 80 00:04:00,323 --> 00:04:04,077 Yeah! Come on. Look it, look. Look at my moves. 81 00:04:04,369 --> 00:04:08,081 Well, well, well. If it isn't the bitch who made Jamal. 82 00:04:08,456 --> 00:04:10,792 Well, well, well, Jamal's trash girlfriend. 83 00:04:10,875 --> 00:04:13,753 I'm trash, but you're getting head from a vacuum cleaner. 84 00:04:13,920 --> 00:04:15,546 What are you doin' here? We're closed. 85 00:04:15,630 --> 00:04:18,675 Let's stay focused. Sir, we're looking for a uterus. 86 00:04:18,883 --> 00:04:21,135 You lost your fuckin' uterus? I knew you were scum. 87 00:04:21,261 --> 00:04:22,720 Who said it was my uterus? 88 00:04:23,096 --> 00:04:25,848 After you trashed my hangar, toyed with my equipment, 89 00:04:25,932 --> 00:04:28,559 and got chips on the control panel of the motherboard? 90 00:04:28,851 --> 00:04:31,020 You're the most irresponsible person I ever met. 91 00:04:31,145 --> 00:04:32,814 I wasn't irresponsible when you were begging me 92 00:04:32,897 --> 00:04:34,774 to step on your balls, now, was I? 93 00:04:35,108 --> 00:04:36,442 Now, I see the connection. 94 00:04:36,734 --> 00:04:38,444 Take your wombless ass and get the fuck out. 95 00:04:38,653 --> 00:04:40,863 Nobody talks to her like that but me. 96 00:04:42,740 --> 00:04:44,409 - Get off me! - Ladi, let's go. 97 00:04:44,492 --> 00:04:46,369 Let me un-alive that motherfucker! 98 00:04:46,452 --> 00:04:48,579 Where were we? Yeah. 99 00:04:52,083 --> 00:04:53,209 Hi, Jichael. 100 00:04:53,334 --> 00:04:54,919 Sorry it's taking me so long to get back. 101 00:04:55,003 --> 00:04:58,256 I ended up falling in the toilet. 102 00:04:58,715 --> 00:05:01,259 It's okay. Bermuda Triangle just showed up to my house 103 00:05:01,342 --> 00:05:03,761 and suggested I give away all my money and assets now, 104 00:05:04,345 --> 00:05:06,556 but only to someone I have blood ties to. 105 00:05:06,764 --> 00:05:10,560 The Bermuda Triangle is a location. 106 00:05:10,852 --> 00:05:12,979 That's what I said. Anyways, I'll do my best 107 00:05:13,104 --> 00:05:15,315 to stall them for about 45 minutes. 108 00:05:16,441 --> 00:05:17,817 Oh my God. 109 00:05:17,900 --> 00:05:19,986 I have 45 minutes to get pregnant and take possession 110 00:05:20,069 --> 00:05:21,904 of everything Jichael owns. We have to hurry. 111 00:05:22,113 --> 00:05:23,448 Let's do some object association. 112 00:05:23,573 --> 00:05:25,658 What was near the uterus that you can remember? 113 00:05:27,160 --> 00:05:28,286 Arugula. 114 00:05:29,037 --> 00:05:30,371 Dolphin penis. 115 00:05:30,913 --> 00:05:33,458 And, um, water balloons? 116 00:05:33,916 --> 00:05:35,418 Oh, shit. I remember now. 117 00:05:35,877 --> 00:05:38,212 It was the day we harassed that Wehovah's Jitness. 118 00:05:39,505 --> 00:05:40,923 Have you heard the good news? 119 00:05:41,883 --> 00:05:44,635 Welcome to our watchtower, bitch. 120 00:05:45,094 --> 00:05:47,180 The kingdom does not approve. 121 00:05:50,767 --> 00:05:52,727 Damn, we're out already. 122 00:05:53,144 --> 00:05:54,771 I got one more. 123 00:05:56,272 --> 00:05:57,899 Wait, wait. What the hell is that? 124 00:05:59,525 --> 00:06:00,651 My uterus. 125 00:06:00,902 --> 00:06:02,862 You don't think you're gonna need that at some point? 126 00:06:02,987 --> 00:06:04,739 No. I'm a piece of shit. 127 00:06:05,656 --> 00:06:08,368 Every man I've ever loved was right about me. 128 00:06:09,077 --> 00:06:10,620 Having impeccable facial structure 129 00:06:10,703 --> 00:06:13,164 doesn't mean I have what it takes to be a partner 130 00:06:13,247 --> 00:06:14,707 worth loving or committing to. 131 00:06:15,166 --> 00:06:16,626 It's probably best that I destroy it. 132 00:06:17,085 --> 00:06:19,128 Sunny, being in a committed relationship 133 00:06:19,212 --> 00:06:21,464 and needing a uterus are not mutually exclusive. 134 00:06:22,673 --> 00:06:23,800 Tight. 135 00:06:25,760 --> 00:06:27,178 Oh, no! 136 00:06:29,639 --> 00:06:33,101 Welp, so long, lazy millionaire woman future. 137 00:06:33,309 --> 00:06:34,685 Like I've always said, 138 00:06:34,936 --> 00:06:37,146 organized religion ruins everything. 139 00:06:37,355 --> 00:06:38,648 Speaking of religion, 140 00:06:38,731 --> 00:06:40,566 I know a place where I can get a fresh one. 141 00:06:40,733 --> 00:06:42,944 Like, a really, really fresh one. 142 00:06:43,111 --> 00:06:45,154 Like, a terrifyingly fresh one. 143 00:06:45,238 --> 00:06:47,031 Like, it's still bleedin' and shit. 144 00:06:47,115 --> 00:06:48,449 - Can we just go? - Yes. 145 00:06:50,827 --> 00:06:53,204 Antelopo, lorem ipsum. 146 00:06:53,413 --> 00:06:55,790 Antelopo, lorem ipsum. 147 00:06:56,207 --> 00:06:58,418 Antelopo, lorem ipsum. 148 00:07:00,086 --> 00:07:02,964 Hootie-hoo! Hello? Hello. Hi. Hi. Hi. 149 00:07:03,381 --> 00:07:04,715 I'm looking for a Ted. 150 00:07:05,133 --> 00:07:08,094 Ted Banks. Did a Ted Banks come in today? 151 00:07:08,302 --> 00:07:09,470 - Sunny? - Ted! 152 00:07:09,720 --> 00:07:12,640 - You son of a bitch! - It's been ages! 153 00:07:12,890 --> 00:07:14,016 Come on back. 154 00:07:16,936 --> 00:07:21,023 Hiding safe from the blinding, 155 00:07:22,150 --> 00:07:24,610 Light that's reminded me 156 00:07:25,153 --> 00:07:26,779 Of you! 157 00:07:27,905 --> 00:07:30,074 How was Rebecca's banana nut bread? 158 00:07:30,324 --> 00:07:31,576 Was it too nutty? 159 00:07:31,909 --> 00:07:34,704 Delicious, Ted, but maybe use a third of the walnuts next time. 160 00:07:34,829 --> 00:07:35,997 - Right. - I'm allergic. 161 00:07:36,080 --> 00:07:37,457 Right. So, what's up? 162 00:07:37,832 --> 00:07:40,042 Long story short, I threw my uterus at someone, 163 00:07:40,126 --> 00:07:42,170 and I need another one now, please. 164 00:07:42,962 --> 00:07:44,046 Classic Sunny. 165 00:07:44,130 --> 00:07:45,298 Let's check the lost and found. 166 00:07:46,382 --> 00:07:48,801 Rebecca's thinking about getting that surgery you got as well. 167 00:07:48,885 --> 00:07:50,136 We got three little ones who we love, 168 00:07:50,219 --> 00:07:52,346 but it's like three's company, four's a crowd. 169 00:07:52,722 --> 00:07:54,307 I think it's a woman's right to choose 170 00:07:54,390 --> 00:07:57,393 to pop their uterus in or out at their leisure. 171 00:07:57,894 --> 00:08:00,813 I mean, it's theirs, am I right? People should have free will. 172 00:08:01,230 --> 00:08:02,523 Couldn't agree more. 173 00:08:05,610 --> 00:08:07,403 Tulip, what's gotten into you? 174 00:08:07,487 --> 00:08:08,988 You know me. I'm an ally. 175 00:08:09,197 --> 00:08:11,282 A few of the girls here are considering the operation. 176 00:08:11,407 --> 00:08:12,533 Some have done it and decided 177 00:08:12,658 --> 00:08:13,868 they didn't want their uterus anymore, 178 00:08:13,951 --> 00:08:16,454 so they donated it to the Egosystems Sperm Bank. 179 00:08:16,662 --> 00:08:17,914 The sperm bank! 180 00:08:18,164 --> 00:08:19,499 Have you checked there? 181 00:08:19,582 --> 00:08:21,000 You could probably just get a fresh one. 182 00:08:21,083 --> 00:08:22,668 Thanks, Ted. 183 00:08:23,336 --> 00:08:24,795 Bring it in. 184 00:08:29,800 --> 00:08:32,386 Terrence, can you knock it the fuck off? 185 00:08:33,763 --> 00:08:34,931 Sorry. 186 00:08:35,556 --> 00:08:37,475 One fresh uterus, please. 187 00:08:37,850 --> 00:08:41,145 This is a sperm bank, sweetie, okay? 188 00:08:41,229 --> 00:08:46,275 Sperm. S-P-E-R-M, sperm. 189 00:08:46,984 --> 00:08:50,029 S as in Sam, P as in pistachio. 190 00:08:50,112 --> 00:08:51,697 We get it. I was told you guys 191 00:08:51,781 --> 00:08:54,116 routinely receive uterus donations. 192 00:08:54,367 --> 00:08:56,619 You were told wrong. 193 00:08:56,827 --> 00:08:59,747 Oh, hello there! So, where do we want this pack 194 00:08:59,830 --> 00:09:02,750 of routinely delivered uteruses-es-es? 195 00:09:03,668 --> 00:09:04,961 Got damn! 196 00:09:05,253 --> 00:09:07,380 You said all you had was sperm. 197 00:09:07,797 --> 00:09:10,925 Miss Grumpy COD Receptionist, may we please have one? 198 00:09:11,342 --> 00:09:12,843 My friend here is ready to have a baby, 199 00:09:12,927 --> 00:09:15,471 and the father is not only incredibly wealthy, 200 00:09:15,555 --> 00:09:18,140 he once juggled 37 balls in one night. 201 00:09:18,891 --> 00:09:21,602 You seem like the last person on Earth 202 00:09:21,686 --> 00:09:23,145 who should become a mom. 203 00:09:25,898 --> 00:09:28,234 Yeah. There we go. 204 00:09:54,093 --> 00:09:56,554 Wow, that bullet just conspired in my favor. 205 00:09:59,890 --> 00:10:01,017 Asshole. 206 00:10:04,437 --> 00:10:05,646 My bad. 207 00:10:05,771 --> 00:10:08,691 I've been dying to try out this new gun, like, all day. 208 00:10:09,233 --> 00:10:11,444 It's fine. It's just not meant to be. 209 00:10:11,611 --> 00:10:13,446 Okay, I'll admit, it did feel really nice 210 00:10:13,571 --> 00:10:15,906 to think about having a tiny Sunny running around here, 211 00:10:15,990 --> 00:10:18,034 stuntin' on these little snot-nosed bitches. 212 00:10:18,326 --> 00:10:19,952 Motherhood just isn't in the cards, alright? 213 00:10:20,786 --> 00:10:22,038 For what it's worth, 214 00:10:22,204 --> 00:10:23,748 I don't agree with anything you said 215 00:10:23,831 --> 00:10:25,499 when we were drunk on the balcony that day. 216 00:10:25,583 --> 00:10:27,168 Oh, my God, Ladi, that's… 217 00:10:27,376 --> 00:10:29,503 that's a really nice thing to say. 218 00:10:30,212 --> 00:10:32,340 I have another box in the truck. 219 00:10:33,049 --> 00:10:36,427 Dude, then why did you let me give this whole dumbass speech? 220 00:10:36,552 --> 00:10:37,720 I bet you do, booty. 221 00:10:39,972 --> 00:10:41,474 There he is, right there. 222 00:10:41,557 --> 00:10:42,808 The COD of my dreams. 223 00:10:42,975 --> 00:10:45,269 - Are you ready to make a baby? - Absolutely. 224 00:10:47,104 --> 00:10:48,314 Where's your dick? 225 00:10:48,939 --> 00:10:50,066 Shit. 226 00:10:50,483 --> 00:10:52,068 That damned triangle! 227 00:10:53,194 --> 00:10:54,487 It took everything. 228 00:10:59,909 --> 00:11:01,118 God! 229 00:11:02,870 --> 00:11:05,831 Revised & synchronized FAST TITLES MEDIA 16911

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