Original subtitles

Aww, good morning, my love!

Is it, really?

Yes, Curtis, it is. You're alive.

I tell ya, I'm sitting here,

looking at our online bank statements,

and honestly? I'd rather be dead.

Dead? Are you serious, Curt--

Okay, Curtis, so what? I bought a few things, baby.

It's not that serious.

Says the woman who spent $75 on a mucho mani/pedi?

Come on, baby, do not start overreacting

to a few high bills.

It all evens out.

Says the woman who spent $25

on some macho mucho burrito supreme nacho plate?

Mah...ha, ha, ha, ha, ah, ah.

Yes, I did.

Curtis, this came from Rosa's husband's restaurant.

And ooh, I know how to work my way around

a giant plate of nachos.

Yes, I do.

They do look good, though.

Curtis, don't start overreacting, okay?

Just stop.

You should've got more pepper, though.

-Whatever. -Well, baby, this right here?

See, this is what we gotta stop.

We have to stop all this eating out

and do more eating in, okay?

And when you want a mani/pedi, I'll get the hedge clippers.

I'll hook you up.

Curtis?

Overreacting.

That's what you're doing.

I don't even wanna think about it, baby.

It's just too much.

All these bills you creating are just...too much.

All these bills that I am creating?

Curtis, what about you?

-Hm? -What about me, baby?

My bills are not wants. They're needs.

Okay, right here. So you needed to have

a Dominique Wilkins autographed basketball jersey?

That was an investment.

So what about right here?

You needed to splurge on this leather jacket?

I was cold.

It's summer, Curtis.

Baby, what better time

to purchase leather goods on discount?

See, even my splurges are smart.

I'm not doing this with you, Curtis.

You should've got more peppers.

Peppers cost more.

[Ella] Ah, Miranda, thank you.

Thank you, thank you, thank you! Come on in.

Thank you for telling me about this shoe sale!

Baby, I got shoes for church.

Shoes for babysitting, for walking,

for sitting out back, for sitting in the front.

I tell you, I got shoes to drive in.

[Miranda] Oh, Ms. Ella, when I saw this sale,

you were the first person that I thought about.

Thank you, thank you.

Ms. Ella, why are the lights out in here?

Oh, Curtis!

-Yes? -[yelps]

You scared me.

-Yes. -Baby, what are you--

what are you doing in here in the dark?

I turned the lights off to save on electricity.

And thank you for enabling a spending addict.

Uh, okay, I see you two have

some things you need to talk about,

so I'm gonna go ahead and go home.

-Mwah. -Bye, Ms. Ella.

-I'll call you. -Call me if you need me.

I will call you.

Yeah, how about we don't call you?

-Oh, stop it. -At all.

Bad influence.

Curtis Payne?

-Put that down. -When the hell did we get that?

-I ordered this online. -See? That's the problem.

-Curtis? -What?

We don't need to cut back on power.

Our electricity bill is not the problem.

Your fanatical overreaction to things is.

"Fanatical" overreaction, Ella?

Hell, no wonder we broke. Even your words are expensive.

Curtis--

You could've just said I was crazy.

We are going to live in the light, okay, baby?

We are not that poor.

Ella, we're not poor at all. I know that.

But we will be, the way you spending money, okay?

Now, I've worked on our budget. Come over here and sit down.

Worked on the bud--

Sit your chair down and sit down!

Sit down!

[groans]

Got your little budget here. [grunts]

-What? Curtis! -Huh?

Can you see it?

Can you see it? Now, I drew up our budget.

I've been examining the money

that we've been spending the most.

And ironically, it's been on food,

electricity, and food. Okay?

Now baby, we gotta tighten up on these things, and we'll be set.

Curtis, I don't know about this.

I really like our...

lifestyle of eating.

Well, baby, I like it too.

But it don't like us, Ella.

Now baby, we got to--

we got to tighten the belt up on this thing.

I ain't got many more years left

that I can be a high-end male exotic dancer, huh?

How many of this can I-- can I do?

-Curtis! -Huh, huh?

Twerps.

Okay, baby, can you just lose the belt

and be a low-end exotic dancer?

And don't swerp. Just slide.

I can try it.

I can try it if I... swipe...

The lights went off. You--you damn thing.

[music]

Hey, Dad.

-What's up, Son? -What you up to?

Reading about getting a side hustle.

That's what the young folks call it these days, right?

You know what the young folks are really doing nowadays?

-What's that? -Crypto.

Man, in my day, we called it what it was, man--

weed.

Y'all come up with all kinds of things, man.

Dad, it's not a drug, all right? It's called cryptocurrency.

It's actually the next big thing, man.

They say it's gonna replace money in the future.

-Replace money? -Yes, sir.

If you think that, you might as well be smoking weed.

Look, man, money been around a long time.

-It ain't goin' nowhere. -Okay, look, right here.

If you would've invested just $100 into Bitcoin in 2010,

you'd be sitting on $72 million right now.

-$72 million? -$72 million.

On a hundred-dollar investment?

Yes, sir.

I'm telling you, get into crypto.

-Hello, crypto! -Hello!

[laughing]

-Here you go, Curtis. -Mm-hmm!

[Ella] Aww, here you go, baby. Mwah!

Okay, uh, baby?

I don't know if it's Groundhog Day or what, but...

-didn't we just have chicken? -We sure did.

Okay, well, why are you cooking so much chicken?

Well, baby, you just asked me to cut back.

So when you ask me to cut back,

I did not order the steaks online.

So chicken is all we have.

Uh, okay, well, baby, you ain't gotta be so strict.

I was just making a suggestion.

No, I don't think that's true, Curtis.

You actually said, "Ella, do what I say,

and this is not a suggestion!"

Okay, well, thank you for supporting my plan.

I'm gonna eat this chicken like it's the first time I've had it.

Good, I'm glad you like it,

because we're gonna be having the same thing tomorrow.

[gasps]

[chuckles]

What you smilin' about, man?

You don't know nothin' about this right here, man.

I invested in Lil' Coin.

Lil' Coin? Don't you mean Bitcoin?

No. I mean Lil' Coin.

It's like Bitcoin, just littler.

Ha, ha, look it! That's enough.

Look, why didn't you just invest in Bitcoin?

Have you seen the price of Bitcoin lately?

Man, it would've taken me a whole year just to get one.

Can you hand me one of them waters, please?

Thank you.

At least you startin' somewhere.

I mean, that's all that matters.

Yeah, but I just wanna make sure

that you did your due diligence, okay?

You can never be too careful about crypto.

I just put a little money in, all right?

-So I got nothing to lose. -Okay.

Man, if I would've known about crypto

when I first started stripping,

I would've put all my good dollar bills to good use

instead of buying 100 pairs of 8-inch heels.

Wow, what every man wish to hear the mother of his children say.

Make sure you don't forget your secret security phrase

and keep it on you at all times.

I read online this man had $180 million in crypto,

and forgot his secret security phrase.

You get three attempts to get in your account,

but he already used two.

One more miss and all that money is gone.

Well, you ain't gotta worry about that with me,

'cause my security phrase is very personal to me.

I would never, never-- I would never forget it.

Okay, well, that's good, Dad.

You know, I'm real proud of you, man.

Oh, yeah, you gonna be real proud of me

when you see me with the crypto billionaire!

I'm real proud of you too, Mr. Payne.

Okay, that's--that's--that's enough of the being proud,

'cause...it's gonna get real weird

when I don't give y'all none of my money.

I'm not sharing with you people.

Here you go, my king, my sweetheart.

-Here you go. -Thank you.

And silverware.

[high-pitched gasp]

Baby, leftover chicken

and eggs for breakfast?

Curtis, if we are going to save money,

then we can't waste anything, honey.

I've got to cook all of this chicken before it goes bad.

Far be it from me to waste our money.

Baby, a little bacon is not gonna bust our pockets.

Curtis, do you know how much real bacon is?

Oh, no, no, no, no, no.

I've got us some-- look at this, baby.

Fake-Un! Fake-Un.

This is the real bacon substitute.

Will you please stop? You sound like a commercial.

I'mma go eat my delicious meal in front of the TV.

Thank you so much.

[Ella] It's a bacon substitute--

[grunts]

[Ella] Fake-Un, Fake-Un!

Whew!

[yelps]

What...

What is it? What is it?

[mumbles incoherently]

Ooh, hoo, hoo, hoo, hoo, hoo, hoo!

Ay, ay, ay! Ha, ha, ha!

Yes, Curtis, ooh, baby, yes.

Uh, it's a real, real, real, real, real, real hot one today.

Well, you know, it's nothing a little AC wouldn't fix, baby.

I know, Curtis.

But as your wife, I would feel so bad for turning it on,

especially after how passionate you were

about saving money.

Maybe you should stop thinking about being my wife

and think about being my girlfriend.

That way, you don't have so much skin invested in the game.

[laughing] Curtis, Curtis.

You're so funny.

-You really are. -No, I'm not.

-You crack me up. -No, I don't.

You know, at first, it was hard giving up life's little perks.

But now?

I'm embracing the change.

Don't let me steal your joy, baby, okay?

Maybe I did ask you to cut back too much.

No, you did not.

You are the head of this household.

You saw something that was not right,

and you checked me!

Oh, you checked me.

And I appreciate it.

You making me better.

Ella, don't be better.

Just be you.

[music]

There you go, Pops.

Yes!

That's my son.

Thank you, man.

God, I miss my premium channels.

I need my edgy cable.

They're about to do a two-week documentary on sloth mating.

Pops, you need treatment, man.

Whew!

Your momma got me going crazy, man,

with all this cutting back mess she doing.

Yeah, she told me y'all started cutting back on some things.

Yeah, I think she been watching those Lifetime movies,

and now she's feeling empowered.

Yeah, okay, well, Pops,

why don't you just compromise with Mom?

See, see, that's why you divorced,

'cause you don't stand for something.

I did stand for something-- listening to you.

Maybe that's why we're divorced.

Well, hakuna matata.

Oh, hey, your momma gone.

So what do you say we put the game on, huh?

Get some beers, have a few snacks?

Enjoy ourselves while she's away.

I'm always down for a game and some snacks.

-Let's do it. -Let's do it, Son.

Hey, uh, and, uh, I forgot to tell you,

your momma took beer off the budget,

so we gotta put it on your card.

[snoring]

Hide the beer, hide the beer!

[bottles clinking]

Now that's why I say marriage is the best institution.

You know, I say that all the time.

When do you say that?

Uh, all the time.

I've never heard you.

Well, you never listened to me anyway.

Oh, wait, what you say, huh? What?

-Exactly. -Ah-ha. [laughs]

-Lady! -[laughs]

-She been shopping again. -Well...

It is good to see you back to your old self.

Curtis, we went to the Goodwill.

You are not gonna believe all the clothes I bought for you.

[laughs]

I am not wearing no clothes somebody died in.

Those are the cheapest.

Calvin, help Miranda bring those clothes in for me, please.

Thank you, thank you, thank you.

Oh, I got some beautiful things for the babies!

So, what have you been doing today?

[laughs]

Ah, I see you got your premium channels back.

-Are they back? -Calvin...

[stutters] God is good!

God is only doing just like you said he'd do every time!

I was asleep.

[laughs]

Calvin put the channels back.

[sighs]

And I tried to tell him not to, and he brought snacks over.

And he bought me beer.

Curtis, I know about you and your snacks.

-Baby, I know I overreacted. -Mm-hmm.

It's scary for people our age, baby.

You know, and I got a little nerv--

I kept seeing all these bad economic reports.

Curtis, has God ever not come through for us?

Well, he's always come through for you.

He knows I don't go to church.

I don't think I can get over it 'cause I'm your plus one.

I don't think so. God looks at the heart.

-Does he really? -Yes, yes.

Yeah.

I think I'm gonna invest more in the business

instead of worrying.

I think that's a better retirement plan

than eating leftover chicken every day.

-[laughs] -Ya heard me.

Curtis, these people are gonna love your barbecue

just as much as I love you.

We have got a lot of living to do.

And we're gonna figure this out.

Yes, we are. Thank you, baby.

[music]

-No! -Yes!

-Come on, man! -Yes!

I-I'm sorry. I came up on my--my crypto.

Oh, okay, well, congrats, Dad. You finally did it.

-Yeah, yeah. -What's crypto?

It's this new digital money stuff.

Oh, that's okay, I'll stick with my paper money.

Did you know that 90% of paper money

-is covered in fecal matter? -It is?

I mean, stripper stages are basically porta-potties.

Some say that this cryptocurrency is the new wave.

I put a little money in on it myself.

Okay, Ms. Payne!

Look at you, keeping up with times.

So you made your investments

while I'm paying for $75 pedicures?

Curtis, I had a little money put aside, and I put it in--

-f-for us, both of us, baby. -Oh, well, that was smart, baby.

Yeah, that was smart.

Aunt Ella was the one that helped me start my account.

No, I told you to go with Biggie Biggie Coin.

You went the Little Coin mess.

It was cheaper to buy into, but I still came up!

Check this out.

Hold up.

Well, the big crypto guy can't get into his account?

They need a crypto that's called a dumb-o.

Who likes--who likes--who likes gumbo?

Hah! That's funny.

[chatter]

I can't remember my password.

Wait a minute, I just put this thing in this morning.

Come on, Dad, you can't forget it.

Remember?

You told us that you couldn't forget it

because it was something personal to you.

I know what I said, Son.

Just think, it'll come to you.

Hey, where's the last place you left it?

Maybe you look for something else, and then you'll find it.

Like I just said, where's my keys, where's my keys?

And then I said, oh, I'm gonna look for my socks,

I'm gonna look for my socks. And then I got my keys.

I got it.

What? What, did you use my name or something?

What's your passcode?

Normally, I wouldn't say.

But this one is directly relatable to you.

What, you're using my name?

Exactly.

BigFella1958!

Keep your hands off me.

Ha, ha!

Got it, yo! I came up.

Yes!

I came up, yes!

All right, CJ!

What you think about that, Curtis?

How much you make?

A cool $2000.

$2000? That ain't no money.

That ain't even rent.

That's enough for me. I'm cashing out.

Wait, wait, Dad, you can't cash out right now.

What if the price goes up?

What if it goes down?

I done made a cool return on my investment.

Ain't no need to be greedy.

But $2000 isn't even that much.

Everybody in here that got a extra 2 G's raise their hand.

You raise your hand.

[baby talk]

Okay, so you're just gonna wave your deceit in my face?

Baby, our money, we got it.

Oh, okay. We got it.

-What's up, people? -What's up, Dad?

Okay, now.

Fresh suit, what's up?

I did me some shopping.

Since I came into a little bit of money.

-You feel me? -Okay!

Listen, watch out, you in the runway, you in the runway.

My bad!

-Watchu got? -What do I got?

You see me, you see me.

[laughs]

What do I got?

Got me some shoes.

Got me a suit.

-You see it. -Yeah.

You know, I'm ready for a wedding or a funeral,

whichever one come first.

You could've got more.

See, that's the difference between me and you.

Y'all kids, y'all don't know when to get out.

Dad, she's right. You should've stayed in.

That's how unexpected pregnancies happen.

You've got to know when to jump ship, man.

You've got to get out, pull out, homie!

Not even the same thing, but,

this is why you should've stayed in.

Lil' Coin's price just exploded.

If you would've stayed in, you would've became a millionaire.

Right there.

Noooooooooooooooooooooo!

[music]

[music]