All language subtitles for Tyler Perrys House of Payne - S11E19 - Mr. Bills WEBDL-1080p_track3_[eng]

Aww, good morning, my love!

Is it, really?

Yes, Curtis, it is.
You're alive.

I tell ya, I'm sitting here,

looking at our
online bank statements,

and honestly?
I'd rather be dead.

Dead?
Are you serious, Curt--

Okay, Curtis, so what?
I bought a few things, baby.

It's not that serious.

Says the woman who spent
$75 on a mucho mani/pedi?

Come on, baby, do not
start overreacting

to a few high bills.

It all evens out.

Says the woman who spent $25

on some macho mucho
burrito supreme nacho plate?

Mah...ha, ha, ha, ha, ah, ah.

Yes, I did.

Curtis, this came from
Rosa's husband's restaurant.

And ooh, I know how
to work my way around

a giant plate of nachos.

Yes, I do.

They do look good, though.

Curtis, don't start
overreacting, okay?

Just stop.

You should've got
more pepper, though.

-Whatever.
-Well, baby, this right here?

See, this is what we gotta stop.

We have to stop
all this eating out

and do more eating in, okay?

And when you want a mani/pedi,
I'll get the hedge clippers.

I'll hook you up.

Curtis?

Overreacting.

That's what you're doing.

I don't even wanna
think about it, baby.

It's just too much.

All these bills you creating
are just...too much.

All these bills
that I am creating?

Curtis, what about you?

-Hm?
-What about me, baby?

My bills are not wants.
They're needs.

Okay, right here.
So you needed to have

a Dominique Wilkins
autographed basketball jersey?

That was an investment.

So what about right here?

You needed to splurge
on this leather jacket?

I was cold.

It's summer, Curtis.

Baby, what better time

to purchase leather
goods on discount?

See, even my splurges are smart.

I'm not doing this
with you, Curtis.

You should've got more peppers.

Peppers cost more.

[Ella] Ah, Miranda, thank you.

Thank you, thank you, thank you!
Come on in.

Thank you for telling me
about this shoe sale!

Baby, I got shoes for church.

Shoes for babysitting,
for walking,

for sitting out back,
for sitting in the front.

I tell you, I got
shoes to drive in.

[Miranda] Oh, Ms. Ella,
when I saw this sale,

you were the first person
that I thought about.

Thank you, thank you.

Ms. Ella, why are
the lights out in here?

Oh, Curtis!

-Yes?
-[yelps]

You scared me.

-Yes.
-Baby, what are you--

what are you doing
in here in the dark?

I turned the lights off
to save on electricity.

And thank you for enabling
a spending addict.

Uh, okay, I see you two have

some things you
need to talk about,

so I'm gonna go
ahead and go home.

-Mwah.
-Bye, Ms. Ella.

-I'll call you.
-Call me if you need me.

I will call you.

Yeah, how about
we don't call you?

-Oh, stop it.
-At all.

Bad influence.

Curtis Payne?

-Put that down.
-When the hell did we get that?

-I ordered this online.
-See? That's the problem.

-Curtis?
-What?

We don't need to
cut back on power.

Our electricity bill
is not the problem.

Your fanatical
overreaction to things is.

"Fanatical" overreaction, Ella?

Hell, no wonder we broke.
Even your words are expensive.

Curtis--

You could've just
said I was crazy.

We are going to live
in the light, okay, baby?

We are not that poor.

Ella, we're not poor at all.
I know that.

But we will be, the way
you spending money, okay?

Now, I've worked on our budget.
Come over here and sit down.

Worked on the bud--

Sit your chair
down and sit down!

Sit down!

[groans]

Got your little budget here.
[grunts]

-What? Curtis!
-Huh?

Can you see it?

Can you see it?
Now, I drew up our budget.

I've been examining the money

that we've been
spending the most.

And ironically,
it's been on food,

electricity, and food.
Okay?

Now baby, we gotta tighten up on
these things, and we'll be set.

Curtis, I don't know about this.

I really like our...

lifestyle of eating.

Well, baby, I like it too.

But it don't like us, Ella.

Now baby, we got to--

we got to tighten the
belt up on this thing.

I ain't got many more years left

that I can be a high-end
male exotic dancer, huh?

How many of this can I--
can I do?

-Curtis!
-Huh, huh?

Twerps.

Okay, baby, can you
just lose the belt

and be a low-end
exotic dancer?

And don't swerp.
Just slide.

I can try it.

I can try it if I...
swipe...

The lights went off.
You--you damn thing.

[music]

Hey, Dad.

-What's up, Son?
-What you up to?

Reading about getting
a side hustle.

That's what the young folks
call it these days, right?

You know what the young folks
are really doing nowadays?

-What's that?
-Crypto.

Man, in my day,
we called it what it was, man--

weed.

Y'all come up with all
kinds of things, man.

Dad, it's not a drug, all right?
It's called cryptocurrency.

It's actually the
next big thing, man.

They say it's gonna replace
money in the future.

-Replace money?
-Yes, sir.

If you think that, you might
as well be smoking weed.

Look, man, money been
around a long time.

-It ain't goin' nowhere.
-Okay, look, right here.

If you would've invested just
$100 into Bitcoin in 2010,

you'd be sitting on
$72 million right now.

-$72 million?
-$72 million.

On a hundred-dollar
investment?

Yes, sir.

I'm telling you,
get into crypto.

-Hello, crypto!
-Hello!

[laughing]

-Here you go, Curtis.
-Mm-hmm!

[Ella] Aww, here you go, baby.
Mwah!

Okay, uh, baby?

I don't know if it's
Groundhog Day or what, but...

-didn't we just have chicken?
-We sure did.

Okay, well, why are you
cooking so much chicken?

Well, baby, you just
asked me to cut back.

So when you ask me to cut back,

I did not order
the steaks online.

So chicken is all we have.

Uh, okay, well, baby, you
ain't gotta be so strict.

I was just making a suggestion.

No, I don't think
that's true, Curtis.

You actually said,
"Ella, do what I say,

and this is not a suggestion!"

Okay, well, thank you
for supporting my plan.

I'm gonna eat this chicken like
it's the first time I've had it.

Good, I'm glad you like it,

because we're gonna be having
the same thing tomorrow.

[gasps]

[chuckles]

What you smilin' about, man?

You don't know nothin'
about this right here, man.

I invested in Lil' Coin.

Lil' Coin?
Don't you mean Bitcoin?

No. I mean Lil' Coin.

It's like Bitcoin, just littler.

Ha, ha, look it! That's enough.

Look, why didn't you
just invest in Bitcoin?

Have you seen the price
of Bitcoin lately?

Man, it would've taken me a
whole year just to get one.

Can you hand me one
of them waters, please?

Thank you.

At least you startin' somewhere.

I mean, that's all that matters.

Yeah, but I just wanna make sure

that you did your
due diligence, okay?

You can never be too
careful about crypto.

I just put a little
money in, all right?

-So I got nothing to lose.
-Okay.

Man, if I would've
known about crypto

when I first started stripping,

I would've put all my good
dollar bills to good use

instead of buying 100 pairs
of 8-inch heels.

Wow, what every man wish to hear
the mother of his children say.

Make sure you don't forget
your secret security phrase

and keep it on you at all times.

I read online this man had
$180 million in crypto,

and forgot his secret
security phrase.

You get three attempts
to get in your account,

but he already used two.

One more miss and
all that money is gone.

Well, you ain't gotta
worry about that with me,

'cause my security phrase
is very personal to me.

I would never, never--
I would never forget it.

Okay, well, that's good, Dad.

You know, I'm real
proud of you, man.

Oh, yeah, you gonna
be real proud of me

when you see me with
the crypto billionaire!

I'm real proud of
you too, Mr. Payne.

Okay, that's--that's--that's
enough of the being proud,

'cause...it's gonna
get real weird

when I don't give
y'all none of my money.

I'm not sharing with you people.

Here you go,
my king, my sweetheart.

-Here you go.
-Thank you.

And silverware.

[high-pitched gasp]

Baby, leftover chicken

and eggs for breakfast?

Curtis, if we are
going to save money,

then we can't waste
anything, honey.

I've got to cook all of this
chicken before it goes bad.

Far be it from me
to waste our money.

Baby, a little bacon is
not gonna bust our pockets.

Curtis, do you know
how much real bacon is?

Oh, no, no, no, no, no.

I've got us some--
look at this, baby.

Fake-Un!
Fake-Un.

This is the real
bacon substitute.

Will you please stop?
You sound like a commercial.

I'mma go eat my delicious
meal in front of the TV.

Thank you so much.

[Ella] It's a bacon substitute--

[grunts]

[Ella] Fake-Un, Fake-Un!

Whew!

[yelps]

What...

What is it?
What is it?

[mumbles incoherently]

Ooh, hoo, hoo,
hoo, hoo, hoo, hoo!

Ay, ay, ay!
Ha, ha, ha!

Yes, Curtis, ooh, baby, yes.

Uh, it's a real, real, real,
real, real, real hot one today.

Well, you know, it's nothing
a little AC wouldn't fix, baby.

I know, Curtis.

But as your wife, I would
feel so bad for turning it on,

especially after how
passionate you were

about saving money.

Maybe you should stop
thinking about being my wife

and think about
being my girlfriend.

That way, you don't have so
much skin invested in the game.

[laughing] Curtis, Curtis.

You're so funny.

-You really are.
-No, I'm not.

-You crack me up.
-No, I don't.

You know, at first, it was hard
giving up life's little perks.

But now?

I'm embracing the change.

Don't let me steal
your joy, baby, okay?

Maybe I did ask you
to cut back too much.

No, you did not.

You are the head
of this household.

You saw something
that was not right,

and you checked me!

Oh, you checked me.

And I appreciate it.

You making me better.

Ella, don't be better.

Just be you.

[music]

There you go, Pops.

Yes!

That's my son.

Thank you, man.

God, I miss my premium channels.

I need my edgy cable.

They're about to do a two-week
documentary on sloth mating.

Pops, you need treatment, man.

Whew!

Your momma got me
going crazy, man,

with all this cutting
back mess she doing.

Yeah, she told me y'all started
cutting back on some things.

Yeah, I think she been
watching those Lifetime movies,

and now she's feeling empowered.

Yeah, okay, well, Pops,

why don't you just
compromise with Mom?

See, see, that's
why you divorced,

'cause you don't
stand for something.

I did stand for something--
listening to you.

Maybe that's why we're divorced.

Well, hakuna matata.

Oh, hey, your momma gone.

So what do you say we
put the game on, huh?

Get some beers,
have a few snacks?

Enjoy ourselves
while she's away.

I'm always down for a
game and some snacks.

-Let's do it.
-Let's do it, Son.

Hey, uh, and, uh, I
forgot to tell you,

your momma took
beer off the budget,

so we gotta put it on your card.

[snoring]

Hide the beer, hide the beer!

[bottles clinking]

Now that's why I say marriage
is the best institution.

You know, I say
that all the time.

When do you say that?

Uh, all the time.

I've never heard you.

Well, you never
listened to me anyway.

Oh, wait, what you say, huh?
What?

-Exactly.
-Ah-ha. [laughs]

-Lady!
-[laughs]

-She been shopping again.
-Well...

It is good to see you
back to your old self.

Curtis, we went to the Goodwill.

You are not gonna believe all
the clothes I bought for you.

[laughs]

I am not wearing no
clothes somebody died in.

Those are the cheapest.

Calvin, help Miranda bring
those clothes in for me, please.

Thank you, thank you, thank you.

Oh, I got some beautiful
things for the babies!

So, what have you
been doing today?

[laughs]

Ah, I see you got your
premium channels back.

-Are they back?
-Calvin...

[stutters] God is good!

God is only doing just like
you said he'd do every time!

I was asleep.

[laughs]

Calvin put the channels back.

[sighs]

And I tried to tell him not to,
and he brought snacks over.

And he bought me beer.

Curtis, I know about
you and your snacks.

-Baby, I know I overreacted.
-Mm-hmm.

It's scary for
people our age, baby.

You know,
and I got a little nerv--

I kept seeing all these
bad economic reports.

Curtis, has God ever
not come through for us?

Well, he's always
come through for you.

He knows I don't go to church.

I don't think I can get over
it 'cause I'm your plus one.

I don't think so.
God looks at the heart.

-Does he really?
-Yes, yes.

Yeah.

I think I'm gonna invest
more in the business

instead of worrying.

I think that's a
better retirement plan

than eating leftover
chicken every day.

-[laughs]
-Ya heard me.

Curtis, these people are
gonna love your barbecue

just as much as I love you.

We have got a lot
of living to do.

And we're gonna figure this out.

Yes, we are.
Thank you, baby.

[music]

-No!
-Yes!

-Come on, man!
-Yes!

I-I'm sorry.
I came up on my--my crypto.

Oh, okay, well, congrats, Dad.
You finally did it.

-Yeah, yeah.
-What's crypto?

It's this new
digital money stuff.

Oh, that's okay, I'll
stick with my paper money.

Did you know that
90% of paper money

-is covered in fecal matter?
-It is?

I mean, stripper stages
are basically porta-potties.

Some say that this
cryptocurrency is the new wave.

I put a little money
in on it myself.

Okay, Ms. Payne!

Look at you, keeping
up with times.

So you made your investments

while I'm paying for $75
pedicures?

Curtis, I had a little money
put aside, and I put it in--

-f-for us, both of us, baby.
-Oh, well, that was smart, baby.

Yeah, that was smart.

Aunt Ella was the one that
helped me start my account.

No, I told you to go
with Biggie Biggie Coin.

You went the Little Coin mess.

It was cheaper to buy into,
but I still came up!

Check this out.

Hold up.

Well, the big crypto guy
can't get into his account?

They need a crypto
that's called a dumb-o.

Who likes--who
likes--who likes gumbo?

Hah! That's funny.

[chatter]

I can't remember my password.

Wait a minute, I just put
this thing in this morning.

Come on, Dad,
you can't forget it.

Remember?

You told us that
you couldn't forget it

because it was something
personal to you.

I know what I said, Son.

Just think, it'll come to you.

Hey, where's the last place
you left it?

Maybe you look for something
else, and then you'll find it.

Like I just said, where's
my keys, where's my keys?

And then I said, oh, I'm
gonna look for my socks,

I'm gonna look for my socks.
And then I got my keys.

I got it.

What? What, did you
use my name or something?

What's your passcode?

Normally, I wouldn't say.

But this one is directly
relatable to you.

What, you're using my name?

Exactly.

BigFella1958!

Keep your hands off me.

Ha, ha!

Got it, yo! I came up.

Yes!

I came up, yes!

All right, CJ!

What you think
about that, Curtis?

How much you make?

A cool $2000.

$2000?
That ain't no money.

That ain't even rent.

That's enough for me.
I'm cashing out.

Wait, wait, Dad, you
can't cash out right now.

What if the price goes up?

What if it goes down?

I done made a cool
return on my investment.

Ain't no need to be greedy.

But $2000 isn't even that much.

Everybody in here that got
a extra 2 G's raise their hand.

You raise your hand.

[baby talk]

Okay, so you're just gonna
wave your deceit in my face?

Baby, our money, we got it.

Oh, okay. We got it.

-What's up, people?
-What's up, Dad?

Okay, now.

Fresh suit, what's up?

I did me some shopping.

Since I came into a
little bit of money.

-You feel me?
-Okay!

Listen, watch out, you in
the runway, you in the runway.

My bad!

-Watchu got?
-What do I got?

You see me, you see me.

[laughs]

What do I got?

Got me some shoes.

Got me a suit.

-You see it.
-Yeah.

You know, I'm ready for
a wedding or a funeral,

whichever one come first.

You could've got more.

See, that's the difference
between me and you.

Y'all kids, y'all don't
know when to get out.

Dad, she's right.
You should've stayed in.

That's how unexpected
pregnancies happen.

You've got to know
when to jump ship, man.

You've got to get out,
pull out, homie!

Not even the same thing, but,

this is why you
should've stayed in.

Lil' Coin's price just exploded.

If you would've stayed in, you
would've became a millionaire.

Right there.

Noooooooooooooooooooooo!

[music]

[music]