All language subtitles for Tyler Perrys House of Payne - S11E14 - Cracked Nest Egg WEBDL-1080p_track3_[eng]

- ♪

- [humming]

[sighs]

- Baby, you okay?

- I'm fine. Why?

- You're standing in the middle
of the room, doing nothing.

- Curtis, I am doing something.
I'm working out.

- [snorts]

You call that working out?

- It's called Yoga.

And this is called
a Mountain Pose, baby.

- Oh, okay.

Well I guess I'm doing a
sitting pose.

- I'm tired, you right.
- Okay, Curtis, you know what?

We really should work out
sometime together.

It would be a lot of fun.
I know it.

- [laughing]
- It would.

- You are not working out,
Ella.

You not workin' baby,
you got to sweat to work out.

- Curtis--

- You need to run,
lift some weights.

Huh? Wrestle a little person

- Get that core strength up.

- [doorbell rings]
- Get that up.

- Curtis... [laughing]

You, you have never wrestled
a little person.

- CURTIS: I wrestled you
last night.

- Calvin, what happened, baby?!

- Me and CJ was volunteering
at the Help Center.

I was in the kitchen when I
stepped on a rotted floorboard.

- Yeah, I managed to catch
him before he dropped

into the basement.

- Let me get you some ice.

- No you didn't.
You caught me on the rebound.

It's fine though.
I just hurt my ankle.

- When are they going to fix
that place up?

Place supposed to be
a Help Center,

and it's a Hurt Center.

- There's nobody taking care
of it besides a few volunteers.

- This is pitiful.

Today it's Calvin, another
day it'll be a child.

I'm going go down there,
Curtis.

I'm going down to that
Help Center,

see what needs to be done
to fix it up.

I am, Curtis,
I'm going down there.

Let me finish working out first.

[grunts]

- ♪

- ♪

- Thank you, Lisa.
I'm starving.

Uh, uh,
there's mustard on this.

- Yeah, and?
- Well, I, I don't like mustard.

You know what?

I'll get up and make myself
another one. Ooh!

- Don't move.
I'll go make another one.

- Thank you.

Bless you.

- Hey Mr. Payne,
made you a sandwich.

- Thank you, Lisa.

How's the ankle?
- Uh, it's getting there.

I had no idea when I woke
up this morning,

I'd be dangling between two
stories before lunch.

- The kids holding you down?
- Oh, yeah.

Lisa's making me lunch and
she's doing my laundry

and Malik's out running
errands for me.

Hey man, had I known I'd
be catered to like this

I would have injured myself
a lot sooner.

- [laughing]
- You know, we family, man.

We got you.

- Oh well, can you go grab
me a beer?

- What? Man, I just sat down.
Your leg ain't broke.

- Well, I--
- [knocking]

- CURTIS: Here you go, baby.
- ELLA: Thank you, baby.

- Hey, hey.
- Hey!

- Hello, hello.

- So how'd it go at the Help
Center? Did they listen to you?

- They sure did.
- And so what'd they say?

- Told us to kick rocks.

- You're kidding.

- Well, no.

Unfortunately, they don't
have the funds to refurbish

the Help Center
but they do agree

that the place needs work.

- Yeah, so they're just going to
pretend like they don't see it.

- Like you do when you don't
feel like picking up your food

off the floor when it falls.

- So wait a minute, the
church is not gonna fix up

the Help Center, they just
gonna leave it like it is?

- Unless someone donates
the money, yes.

Ms. Faye, the church treasurer,

said they just can't afford it.

- Well, there's got to be
some way to help.

A lot of people depend on
the Help Center.

They do a lot of good for the
folks in this neighborhood.

- You're damn right.

We don't know nobody who's
got that kind of money.

- Uh, we do.

- No, Ella.

Now we already agreed that
we're saving that money

for our retirement.
- We can consider it a loan.

- Well, how much money do
y'all have in retirement?

- Enough to live on a
houseboat

and travel the world.

- Or to do needed repairs
to the Help Center.

- But my houseboat!

- Will always be there,
Curtis!

Come on, baby, it's a loan to
the church. They'll pay us back.

- With interest?

- Of course not.

I mean, why would we ask
God's people to pay us back

with interest?

Should've sued the bejesus
out of them

when I had the chance.

- Curtis!

- Thank you.

- Oh, no, no, no, no, no!

Don't go in there, don't go
in there. Look out, look out!

Man, this movie is terrifying.

- Is it?

- A doll gets possessed by a
demonic spirit,

that don't scare you?

- I mean, it's just a doll.
[chuckles]

I mean, how you gonna let a toy
that you bought beat you up?

- Man, if one of MaLisa's
dolls ran in here right now

with a knife you'd be terrified.

- No I wouldn't.
I would kick it.

You're over thinking this
way too much.

- Yeah, whatever.

Hey, can you do me a favor
and get me another pillow

for my back?
Man, my ankle is jacked up.

- Alright, fine, fine.

- And bring me some foot
rub on your way back?

- Goodness.

- Hey man, can you toss
me my phone over there?

- Oh, got you.

- How long have you been
feeling better, man?

- My ankle's been better
for hours.

I just wanted them
to cater to me.

- [knock on door]
- Hootie-hoo!

Curtis.
- CURTIS: Hey, hey.

- Hey.

Look Curtis, he better.

- How are things at the
Help Center?

- It's just one thing after
another.

And after we make the repairs
the overhead is tremendous.

- Lights, gas, rent.

Ain't no telling when we're
going to get our money back.

- Wow. So no wonder the church
never fixed anything.

Looks like they've been using
all their money

just to keep the doors open.

- Well, y'all are
fixing it up now,

that's all that really matters.

- No, what matters is if we
don't get our money back

me and Aunt Ella gonna be
the ones that need help.

- Curtis, it's not that bad,
baby.

Okay, we are helping an
entire community.

That alone is going to bless
us ten fold.

Just stop worrying, baby,
about this money.

- Ain't nobody worried
about the money,

I'm worried about us, baby.
Hell, money can't be homeless.

- Have faith, baby, okay?

I'm going to check on Lisa
and the baby.

They back here?

Is that a yes?

- Y'all're crazy.

Hey, you know what
though, for real?

It's kind of hard to have
faith when my only option

if the crap hits the fan is
to stay with one of y'all.

- Oh, now you know you
can always move in

with me if you need to.

- CJ, please, all the people
you got stayin' here

in this clown car
you call a house.

- I got you, Pops.

- And I lived with you over
20 years,

I've seen how
you keep a bathroom.

I'll take my chances in
these streets.

Thank you though.

- ♪

- Please be careful, please
be careful.

Don't hit the walls.

Don't hit the--
Watch the chair!

Okay, and don't break
anything on that.

You break anything on it,
I'm breaking it on you.

Thank you.

- You couldn't get us moving
equipment or somethin'?

- I did get you moving
equipment.

- Where?

- Standing right
in front of you.

Help each other out,
lift with your knees.

- What's going on in here?
- CURTIS: Hey, baby.

- And why does my house
smell like a cookout?

- Oh, check it out,
check it out.

- Yes.

- I'm making a few changes
to the Help Center.

- Changes?
- Yeah, I mean nothing big.

But I'm, I'ma make it a
soul food bistro, slash, casino.

- I'm sorry,
what did you say?

- I said I'm turning the
Help Center

into a soul food bistro
and casino.

- Curtis...
- Baddah.

- I heard what you said
the first time.

- Okay, then why did you ask
me to repeat myself, baby?

That's wasting time.

Okay, we gotta, you gotta
move out the way

so they can get all this
stuff out to the car.

Y'all can get it moving.

- This ain't gonna fit in
my car.

- Mine neither.

- Okay, then y'all need to
go car jack a S-U-V

or something because we got to
get this stuff out of here now.

And everything in the back
got to go.

- Un-Uh, CJ The on--

If you're gonna go anywhere
it should be

to take this stuff back to
wherever Curtis got it from

and return this.

- Says who?
- Says me, Curtis.

What do we look like having
some gambling

in an establishment owned
by the church?

- We need to diversify
if we gonna get

our money back.

Okay, now y'all doing y'all
little prayer services,

that's nice.

And you're doing okay with
the counseling and stuff.

But if you wanna get some
asses in the seats

then we need some Craps tables.

- You sound crazy talking
about running a gambling hall!

- What you doing with that?
What you doing with that?

Baby, you sound so dramatic.

It's not a gambling hall, it's
more like a speakeasy.

Now we help the people in
the community by day

and by night, in return, we
take their money.

- Pops, you can't do that.

- Yes, I can.

I mean, the house always
wins, son.

And, and, and, and, and
what has two thumbs

and likes to
take suckers money?

This guy.

- Unc, do you even have a
license for any of this?

- For any of what?
- The gambling and the food!

- CURTIS: Calvin, you can
go outside and shoot dice

on the corner right now.

Everybody do it all the time.

And if somebody want to
exchange money

for some food
I already made,

who the hell am I
to stop them?

- I'm gonna pray for you.

They are going to throw
you under the jail.

- Okay, what am I
supposed to do, Ella?

Huh?
[stuttering]

The boat has already
left the station.

I mean, the ship has set sail.

- I think you're trying to
say--

- I know what I'm trying to
say, CJ!

Now Ella got me all upset
and the pressure

and everything.
And I'm getting mixed up.

- ELLA: Curtis, take this
stuff back to wherever

you got it from.

And baby, stop worrying
yourself about this money.

- That's easy for you to say.

- What's that supposed to mean?
- What, baby...

It means that,
it's easy for you to say that

when you're not the one
that gave away your pension.

- Aw damn, he done pushed
the wrong button.

- Yeah, this sounds like
a private moment.

Nice knowing you, Pops.

- What y'all doing? Ain't y'all
got some more stuff to get?

- Now what you doing?
What you mean, Curtis?

We are married.

The pension is not yours,
it's ours.

- Nothing?
- Oh no, no, no, no.

What you got to say?
- No, no, I mean...

- Oh no, no, come on.
Say it, Curtis!

- Okay.
- Get it off your chest.

- I'll get it off my chest.

All I'm saying is, I'm the one
who had to get up

early every morning
and go to work so that

we would have a nest egg.

- And what do you think I
was doing

when you were getting up
early going to work?

Eating bon bons?!

Curtis, I was here taking
care of your children,

taking care of your house!

I was working too!

- It's not the same, Ella.
- It's not the same? It's not?

Okay.

So you don't think I worked
as hard as you did?

Okay.

I will just stop working.

- [laughing]

Come on with that then.

You gotta have a job to go
on a strike, Ella.

- They say God loves a fool.

And you are blessed and
highly favored.

- ♪

- CALVIN: That gumbo smells
good, Mom.

- Thank you, thank you,
thank you.

Thanks everybody for
coming over.

I had to get rid of these
shrimp and those crabs

before they went bad.

- What else you put in your
gumbo, Mrs. Payne?

- Oh, this is a family secret,
baby. I can't tell you that.

[chuckling]

This recipe was handed down
to me from my daddy,

who got it from his daddy.

Who got it from the man he
thought was his daddy.

In my family,
the women were the players.

- I heard that.
[chuckling]

- What you know about being
a player?

You better keep your narrow
tail on the bench.

- My goodness, ah!

Why is everybody in this house,
baby? We having a repast?

- Nobody died, Curtis.

Nobody died.

I invited everybody over.

I made some gumbo
and invited everybody over.

- Can I say it smell good.

Huh?!

Baby, there is a party in my
nostrils and you're the DJ.

- ELLA: [chuckling]

Oh, thank you, thank you,
thank you, thank you,

thank you, thank you,
thank you.

No, no, I got this.
- No, I'll get it this side.

- No, I got it, I got it.

- Oh, okay, I'ma
get my own bowl.

[yelps]

You didn't make enough for me?

- [chuckling]

I'm on strike, remember?

- Oh, okay.
Well, I ain't hungry anyway.

- Hey Unc, I'm taking the
twins fishing

at Barnett Creek next
week, you want to come?

- Is fat meat greasy?

Yeah, I'm comin' with you!

[chuckling]

I just gotta go, you know
I got a doctor's appointment

one of them weekends.

Baby, when is my doctors
appointment with Dr. Thornton?

- Lisa baby, in baseball
when you swing

and miss the ball,
what's that called?

- A strike?
- Thank you.

That's what I'm on, baby.
I'm on strike.

I no longer keep your schedule.

- That's an awful lot to
make your point, but okay

I get what you're doing.

- Now, I already apologized
for saying you didn't work.

- But, but, but Curtis, do you
think that a woman

who stays at home, raising
a family,

works just as hard as man
who goes out everyday?

- No.
- And that's why you don't know

when your dentist
appointment is, baby.

- Don't worry.
I can find that out myself.

I'll just call Dr. Thornton.

- Okay.
- Get it myself.

Just text me the number.

- Uh, no.
- Then give me your phone.

- Uh, no.

- ♪

- CURTIS: You're not
gonna break, Curtis, okay?

This ain't nothing but a
chicken wing.

Ain't nothing
but a chicken wing.

- [sobbing]

- Curtis, when are you gonna
clean up this mess?!

When?!
- Hello roommate.

- Uh-uh.

When are you gonna clean
up this mess?

- I always do, don't I?

- No, you never do.

You always leave the
house like this, Curtis.

Like I live with an invisible
stripper.

- Am I that bad, really, Ella?

- Yes, yes you are.

But you are--

Eeeeew-- What is that?

Ew!

- Sorry.

- Yes, you are that bad
but you are an amazing father

and husband.

But you wouldn't be any of
that if you didn't have

somebody helping you.

- Yeah, you're right, baby.
- Wait a minute.

I thought I heard it but I
wanna hear it again.

I'm right?

Let me hear it again.

- You were right, baby.

I had no business acting like
you don't contribute

to this household.
That's ridiculous.

- Curtis, there are millions of
women who are out here

busting their butts for their
families.

Do you know how hard it is
both a good mother

and a good wife?

We spend our time doing
for everybody,

this one and that one. And
running here and running there,

taking care of everybody.

We don't even have time to
take care of ourselves, Curtis.

So please do not say that
a stay-at-home mom

is not a job.

- I hear you.
- Thank you.

- I do.
- Thank you.

- I remember all the
gas you burned up

taking that son of ours--
- [chuckling]

- To all those after-school
sport events.

- Yes, yes, yes.

We do what we have to, baby.

- You know, Ella, he had a
great childhood

because of you.

I was just, I was always so
worried about getting food

on the table. You know?

So I didn't make the time
to do all those things

with him.

You know, every now and then,
but not like you.

- It's okay, baby.

I only did what a good mother
would do for her family.

That's it.

- CURTIS: Yeah.

Well, I'm glad you did.

You know what?

You're right
and I'ma go down

to that Help Center and I'm
taking everything out of there.

Tomorrow, first thing.

I'll get it out.

And I ain't worried about
that money,

we're gonna get our money back.
- I know we will.

God has not brought us this
far to just drop us

on our behinds like that, baby.
- That's right.

- We gonna do it.

- That's right.

- But Curtis, I really do,
really, you know--

I wanna know what you
made on that side hustle.

I just need to know.

- I'll tell you if you give me
some sugar.

- Tell me before I give you
the sugar.

I wanna know.
- You don't wanna know, Ella.

- Curtis, please.
- You don't wanna know.

- Okay, well...

- I'm telling you, Ella,
you'll be pissed off

if I told you how much
money we was giving up.

You'd be mad
and with everything.

- Well, well, well, well, well,
well--

- And this marriage only
have room for one sinner.

I'm depending on you to
have enough credit

to bring a guest.

- Well, maybe--

- ♪

- Oh!

- You won!

- What the hell is going on
out here?

- My baby needs a new pair of
shoes, that's what's going on.

[laughing]

- Uncle Curtis, I thought Aunt
Ella told you

she didn't want you doing all
this casino nonsense.

- She said she didn't want
me running it.

She didn't say nothing
about her.

- ELLA: [laughing]

I heard it, I heard it!
I heard it, I heard it!

Don't look at me.

The house always wins, baby.

- Curtis, look!

[making nonsense noises]

Get it, CJ, get it, get it,
get it, get it.

Get it CJ, get it.

There you go, there you go.
You can have that one.

- ♪

- [chuckles]

- ♪

- ♪

- ♪

- ♪