All language subtitles for Tyler Perrys House of Payne - S11E09 - Woman To Woman WEBDL-1080p_track3_[eng]

- This is so crazy.

- Yeah.

- Everything looks so real.

- Yeah, I've tried to tell you.
VR is the future.

- What's this
little furry thing?

- [screams]

- Baby, calm down.
It's not real.

- Get it off me!
Get it off me!

- Baby, it's not real.

- Hey! Hey, what in the hell
is going on in here?

Can hear you screaming
in the driveway.

- I'm sorry, Mr. Payne.

It's just-- that
VR stuff is scary.

- VR?
What the hell is that?

- Yes, virtual reality, okay?

Instead of playing a game
in front of a screen

with a controller,
it puts you in the game.

- Puts you in the game?

How could this be scary?

Ain't nothing but some
fancy glasses.

- Mister Payne.
I wouldn't do it.

My heart is still
beating out of my chest.

- Put them on for yourself.
Check them out.

- Okay.

Well, I mean, now what?

I'm in the game.

What is it?

Whoa.

Wow.

- Yeah.

- I can hear the birds singing.

Wow.

Holy cow.

Whoa, whoa.

That grizzly feels real.

It smell real, too.
- Hey.

- That's a wild animal.

- Dad, that's me.

Take them off.

- Oh. Oh, I'm sorry, son.
- Yeah.

- Smell a little gamey there.

- [laughter]

- Well, I probably smell like

that because I walked
home from work.

- What happened?

Somebody bullying you?

Do I need to talk to somebody?

You could tell me anything.

- No.

- Sorry.

I've been practicing
for MaLisa get older.

- Oh, okay.

No, none of that happened.

I had to walk just
to clear my mind.

My boss wants me to create

a fundraiser for low income
people facing petty drug charges

to help them with
their legal fees.

- Hey, if you can't do the time,
don't do the crime.

- Dad, these are
petty crimes, okay?

Just like two, three grams
of marijuana.

I mean,
they're not drug cartels.

- Oh,
so you're helping people

that got enough money to have
a weed habit but not a lawyer,

- Dad, now, come on,
are you serious?

The world isn't
that black and white.

- So in your world,

it's okay to break laws
that you don't agree with?

- Wow...
- Okay, well,

since that's the case,
I'm going to go back over here

to my world,
virtual reality world.

- Okay.

- Where things are
much different.

- Sure.

- Look at that.

Yeah. Uh-huh.

[mock dog barking]

Roll over.

Whoa! He's eating my face!
He's eating my face!

- I told you.

- So, the festival is going
to help raise money

for low-level drug offenders
and their legal fees,

and we're recruiting food
vendors for the venue.

- That is a wonderful idea,
Malik.

- Thank you.

- That's going to help
so many people.

- And when them potheads
get the munchies.

They're gonna love my barbecue.

- You know, the people attending
the festival aren't addicts.

- Malik, you never know
how God gonna bless.

- Curtis.

How many drug addicts
do you know

that have extra
money for festivals?

- You got a point.

Unless you're taking
TVs for admission.

- When are you
holding the event?

- Well, we're actually still
working on a permit right now,

but we were hoping to host it
in Piedmont Park next month.

- If you need any help,
just let me know.

- Thank you, Auntie Ella.

I appreciate that.

- Hello?

- Okay, something must be wrong
with my hearing

'cause I did not hear a knock.

- Oh, I'm sorry, Pops.
I'm just, I'm just excited.

- Excited about what?
- Well, Christian,

my offspring just earned
Student of the Year.

- Christian is
Student of the Year?

- And the quarterly
award ceremony

is at the
end of the month.

- Well, you know, the boy
takes after his grandpa.

I mean, intelligence and good
looks run in my family.

- Well, Christian doesn't
even know yet,

but he's going to be so excited,
and I got him an autographed,

Victor Michael's Jersey
to congratulate him.

- Oh, okay.

- The running back
from the Condors?

You got him a signed Vic
Monster Michael's Jersey?

- Yes. My sorority sister

works in the Condors
publicity Department.

So, she hooked me up.

- Oh, let me see.
- Ah-ah.

- Ow.
- Don't be touching

my boy's memorabilia.
- [chuckles]

- I don't know much
about football,

but, um, I hear Victor Michaels
is pretty popular.

- Oh, please. The man has broken
every stat that matters.

I mean, they call him
Monster Michaels

'cause he hit so hard,
nobody want to tackle him.

Matter of fact, some say he
reminded 'em of a young me.

- So does that mean he likes to

drink beer and fall asleep
in his recliner?

- [chuckles]

- Laura, Christian
is going to love this Jersey.

- And if he doesn't,

I will surely be happy
to take it off his hands.

- Now, we need to have
a party for Christian

this weekend to celebrate him.

- Yeah.

- I hope Miranda can make it,
since it's so late notice.

All righty, then.

Am I the only one who thinks we
can have a celebration

for Christian and not
invite his Mama?

- She carried him.

You good?

- I mean... yeah... Of course.

- Now, Curtis, if you and I were
divorced, you know you would

want to be included on anything
done for your child.

- I don't know about that Ella.

I mean, if you and I
were divorced,

I probably woulda already moved
on with my new life by now.

- Oh, really?

- Yes, really.

I mean, how long do you expect
all this to be on the market?

How long? How long?

You better hold on to
what you got, baby.

- Whoa, stop!

I just finished mopping the
floor, it's still wet.

- Okay, well, how long am I
supposed to wait to eat lunch?

- Till it dries.

- Well, can you toss me
an apple or something?

Man, I'm starving.

Goodness.

Thank you.

- So...

How did your
"Free the Weed Heads" thing go?

- Dad, it's not about freeing
weed heads, all right?

It's about justice reform.

- That's exactly what
a weed head would say.

- Well, if you must know, it's
actually not going well at all.

I can't get the permits
for the park

on the day that I need it,
it's booked.

- Well, reschedule it then.
- I can't, man.

It's booked for the
next seven months.

Who knew Piedmont Park
was so popular

with anyone else
besides homeless and pigeons?

- Guess the jailbirds'd have to
find some other way to get out.

- Look, Dad, it's not
funny at all, okay.

I had a really great idea to
bring a lot of people together,

and now it's just
going all down a drain.

Wait a minute.

I don't need a park
to raise money.

- What are you thinking?
- Yeah, sure.

Like I'm going to tell you, all
you're going to do is laugh.

- [laughter]

- You all right son?

Come on, man. How am I not
supposed to laugh at that?

Come on now,
get your big ass up.

- Not gonna help me?

- I gotta mop that part
of the floor all over again.

Excuse me.

- Oh gosh, man. That's
what you care about?

- Uh-uh. No, thank you.

- [laughter]

- Look at this.

- "Ten Ways to Please your Man."

- Hi, baby.

- Well, that's good, baby.

It's good to see you
doing little homework.

You invested in research.

- Curtis please,

you would not do any of these
suggestions in here.

- Well try me. Let's see the new
ways you will please me.

- Okay, all right.

Question number one.

You want to take
a bubble bath together?

- Both of us roll
around in dirty water.

That's nasty, baby.

- Okay, what about
making love in the rain?

- Baby, at your age, you don't
need to mess around

with getting
pneumonia like that.

- Curtis.

Okay, number three.

Ahh.

How about eating food
off your body?

- Okay, we can do that.
- Curtis.

- That can be done.

As long as you don't
mind little hair.

- [laughter]
- In your entree.

- [laughter]

- All of these articles,
all of them.

It just make me think about
problems we do not have.

- I know that's right.

- Hello.
- Hello, hello.

- Curtis. They
did not knock again.

- Yeah, I'm over it.
I'm over it.

- We picked up some things
for Christian's party tomorrow.

- Oh.
- Yes.

He is going to be so excited.

I cannot wait to see
the look on his little face.

He's going to be so surprised.

- Baby, when is the next
time it's supposed to rain?

I got an idea.

- Uh, no.

No.

- No, no.
- [knock at door]

- I'll get it ma.

I want to see that.
- No, you don't wanna see this.

- Hi.
- Miranda, what brings you by?

The party is not until tomorrow.

- Yeah, I know. Um,
I actually just stopped by

to return this because I will
never let Christian have this.

- That was a great idea,

inviting Sister Wives
to the party tomorrow.

I'm sure everyone is going
to get along just great.

- What are you doing?
This is a gift for Christian.

- Yeah, and I don't want him to
have Monster Michael's Jersey.

- Okay, what is wrong
with Vic Michaels?

- Yeah, I mean,

I pulled a lot of strings
to get Christian that Jersey.

- The problem is,
Monster really is a monster.

He has been convicted
of domestic battery twice.

- That was five years ago.

- I do not care.

I don't want our son looking
up to a man like that.

- Miranda, I understand
how you're feeling.

I don't follow sports,
so I didn't know any of this

before I got Christian
that Jersey.

- Actually, this is
not a regular Jersey.

It's a game one.

That means it's worth
a lot of money.

So I'll hold this for y'all.

Figure that out.

- The money
doesn't matter to me,

but I would appreciate it
in the future

if you consulted with me before
you bought Christian anything.

I am his mother, okay?
Thank you.

- Well, I cleared
it with his father.

So, don't blame me because
you're feeling insecure.

- Oh-ho-ho-oh...

- Miranda. Miranda.
- No, no, no, no.

- Laura, let it--
baby, let it go.

- Oh, Calvin, just let
them work this out.

- No, no baby, don't let it go.
Don't let it go.

Please, please.
I'm listening.

Please explain to me
how I am insecure.

Because where I'm standing
right now,

you are
having my leftovers.

Well, I am still having fun
choosing from the menu.

- Well, you better order a
drink, because you're thirsty.

- All right, okay,
that's enough.

That is enough.
This is ridiculous.

You two need to work out your
little differences

once and for all.

- No we don't.
I'm good.

- No, Miranda.

Calvin and Laura
are together now,

and from the looks of things,
that's not gonna change.

- Baby.
Baby, don't stop them.

This is healthy.
Let them get this out.

- Curtis, not now.

And Laura,

this here is the mother
of one of my grandbabies.

She has given Curtis and I

one of the best gifts we could
ever ask for, a grandbaby.

And for that, she will
always be in our lives.

As long as Christian is around,
she will be around.

I am not going to deal
with this crap

between the two of you
for the rest of my life.

Work it out.

Work it out now.

- Do you want to take
this outside?

- No, no, no, no, no,
don't take it to the street.

She's got hands.

- Baby, I think she meant

to take it outside so we
can talk woman to woman.

That is what you meant, right?

- I promise, no punches,

but you don't want
to catch these hands.

- Curtis.

- Look, over the past years,

arrests typically involve simple
drug possession offenses,

which account for about
90% of all drug arrests.

So that means out of
1.5 million drug arrests,

approximately
1.3 million of them.

They are not drug kingpins
or major dealers

or even cartel members.

They are just average
citizens like you and me.

- Yeah, these
statistics are crazy.

- Yeah, Malik has been
telling me all about it.

I was surprised how many people
who never hurt nobody

are in jail over weed.

- Yeah, my son is smart.

- Yeah, my baby is smart.

- And then we get into
the racial disparities.

I mean, 59% of people
that are in federal prison

for marijuana
related charges are Latino,

and on average, black people are
over three times more likely

to be arrested than white people
for marijuana possession,

and in some states,
it's as high as ten.

So, look, all we're asking
is for a small donation.

So with your help, like I said,
just a small donation.

It can go a long way into
breaking this constant cycle.

- Miranda, I didn't mean to step
on your toes

with the whole Jersey thing.

I mean, if I've known you were
going to have a problem with it.

I wouldn't have gotten
it for Christian.

- That's the problem.

There is a woman raising my son
that doesn't know how I think.

- Not by myself.

I mean, his Daddy's right there.

- How do you think I feel...

when Christian is with you guys?

He has a mom and a dad,

and that is something
that I can't give him.

- Look, I get it, okay?

But I can't help that
Calvin and I are together.

- Actually, you could have.

But you didn't.

- Okay, look, uh, Miranda,
what's done is done, okay.

And you're going to feel however
you're going to feel about that.

But I want you to know that

I also love Christian, and I
want the best for him, too.

- Well, that's good to know.

And um...

apparently we are going to have
to figure this out and get along

for Christian's sake
and the family's sake.

But I do have some ground rules.

- Okay.

- You see any blood yet?

I put my money on Miranda.

- Not that I can see.

And who did you bet with?

- Oh, I just bet
with myself in my head.

Keeps me out of trouble.

- I wouldn't bet
against Miranda.

What?
I know how strong she is.

- Well, it looks like
they're just talking,

so hopefully it's going well.

- I pray that those two can
straighten out their differences

just for the sake of peace.

- Here they come.

- Move out the way...

- That's why cats make that kind
of noise when they have sex.

The first thing that
popped in my head.

- I oughta pop you in your head.

- So, how it go?

- Well, um,

pretty good.

We've come to an understanding.

- The more people that Christian
has to love and protect him,

the better.

- I knew you two were
going to be okay.

- See, y'all didn't pull hair
or throw blows or nothing?

- Of course not, Mr. Curtis.

- We would not disrespect
your house like that.

- Oh, man.

Now I owe myself money.

- Ignore him.

He needs help.

So since you guys
came to an understanding,

can Christian keep the Jersey?

- No, Calvin, the man
is a woman beater.

- Yeah, and he averages
for 105 yards a game.

- Christian cannot
keep the Jersey okay.

I'm returning it to my soror
in the morning, that's that.

But the good news is she can get

us an autographed
Simone Biles picture.

- Simone Biles?
- Yes.

- Yes. What is wrong
with Simone Biles?

She is an equally famous
athlete, and I would be honored

if Christian chose
her as a role model.

- But she's a gymnast.

- What's wrong with a gymnast?

Is he always this closed minded?

- Sometimes it takes him
a little while to get it.

- Isn't this beautiful?

Christian is going to get
love from the two of them.

- And Calvin's going to get
headaches from the two of them.

- Hey, good job today, man.

I'm proud of you.
- Thanks, Dad.

- Yeah, for real.

You know, you came up
with a vision, and then when it

didn't work out, you know,
you came up with another plan

that was just as
good and-- yeah, uh,

you impressed me today.

- Well, it was you that always
told me to think on my feet.

- Yeah, I did, didn't I.
- Yeah.

- Yeah, man. Uh...

I'm uh--

I'm impressed with the man
you're becoming.

- Well, thanks, Dad.

Uh, can I borrow
$20 until payday?

- Spoke too soon.

- ♪

- ♪

- ♪