Original subtitles

- ♪

- [audience laughing]

- Yo, I could have killed you, man! I'm strapped.

- Whoa, whoa, take it down a notch.

- Yeah, Doughboy.

Either you don't know, don't show, or don't care

about what's going on in the spiderhood.

- That's the wrong movie, stupid.

- Whatever.

Ooh, Calvin's toys.

- Hey, hey, hey, maybe I should look through that box.

You can look through...

- Well, well, well.

This surely explains a lot.

- How'd that get in there?

It must have been labeled wrong. It's not mine.

- No, this yours. It's got Calvin on the tag.

- All right, all right.

It's mine.

But I was an Easter-egg-hunt legend in church.

- Yeah, he didn't grow much as a kid.

He had to wear that for several Easters.

- That explains why you're so meticulous

when it comes to making Easter eggs.

- Bruh, it was my ministry.

- Okay.

- What is this, a book of spells?

Why is it locked? - You know what?

This might be the lost family recipes

that Auntie Ella was looking for.

- Well, we won't be able to get into it 'cause it's...

- You're welcome.

- When did you become a master thief?

- Man, Dad's been locking the door to his...

Statue of limitations clearly has not ran out

on that one yet.

- Ask me not how much I desire to be with you.

It's the same as asking how much I desire to breathe.

- Who would lock a romance novel?

- I, Ella, the love of your life,

ache for you every night.

I want you every night.

- Yuck!

Aunt Ella's and Uncle Curtis' love letters.

I don't wanna hear that.

- Please come rescue me from loneliness, Eric.

- Eric?

- ♪

- Lisa! Lisa!

- What's wrong? Is everything okay, babe?

- You cheatin' on me, woman?

- What? Why would you ask me that?

- We found some letters that Aunt Ella wrote.

- Awww, that's so sweet.

- To some dude named Eric.

- Oh, that's messed up.

I mean, what that got to do with me?

- If she's creeping, anybody could be doing it.

- Exactly.

- Your dad has been with your mother for years

and you don't see him accusing her of cheating.

- Hey Janine, you cheating on me, woman?

- [audience laughing]

- Hello?

Babe, hello?

- [audience laughing]

- She said she gonna call me right back.

- [audience laughing]

- You haven't answered the question.

- Stop talking so loud.

- This is my house!

Well, this is my dad's house.

But I don't have to be quiet.

- You telling her, son.

- Dad, can you excuse us?

- Gonna hang up on somebody. Hanging up on me.

- [audience laughing]

- She better call me back. I know that.

- Do you have any proof that I've been messing

with somebody else? - No.

- Have I done anything to make you think

I wanna be with someone else? - No.

- Is that your baby upstairs that I nurse, read to,

and do baby exercises with to make sure

she's strong, smart and healthy?

- I'm not sure she's mine yet. - I will cut you.

- [audience laughing]

- Okay, fine. All right, you're right.

That is our daughter.

- So what part of any of this makes you think

I wanna be with somebody else?

- Come on, this is Auntie Ella.

I mean, it's like finding out that the Pope

and Mother Teresa have a sex tape.

- [audience laughing]

- That is the most sacrilegious thing

I have ever heard you say. - I know.

I just couldn't think of a better analogy.

- [audience laughing]

- Here's a better one.

It's like people judging me for my past,

instead of taking the time to find out what's in my heart.

And if you wake that baby, that's your ass.

- [audience laughing]

- Mom, we need to talk.

- Son, don't mess with your mama.

She's doing the Lord's work right now.

- [audience laughing]

- Which is?

- Making my plate.

- Mom, I found your erotic poetry.

- Boy, I knew that bug spray would damage

the few brain cells you have left.

Your mama would never do nothing like that.

Go on, tell him, baby.

- Calvin, your father's right.

Bug spray is damaging to the brain.

- Mom.

- Yes, it's true.

I love literature.

All kinds of literature.

And occasionally, I write.

I thought it was down deep in the garage

right next to your little bunny rabbit suit.

You know, the one that you used to always wear.

- That was my ministry. - [audience laughing]

- Please, everybody knew you wanted to be the first

Black Bugs Bunny.

- [audience laughing]

- What does any of this have to do with anything?

I like to write.

- When did you stop?

- I never did.

I still write from time to time.

Journal from time to time.

- Oh, this journal I found, it's like old-old?

- I don't know.

Which volume did you find?

- Volumes? Oh, you got volumes?

- Volumes.

- So how many did you have? Or do you still have them?

Uh, Pops, can you give us the room?

- What?

When have you ever known me to leave a room

in my house, eating my food that my wife cooked?

- Okay, stay then.

But I think your wife is making someone else's plate.

- Say what?

- Mm-hmm. - Curtis. Leave him alone.

Don't kill him, baby. He's the only son we got.

- Oh, we can make another son. - [audience laughing]

- He better stop disrespecting me in my house.

- Then give us the room.

- How about I give you a busted lip?

- Curtis, it's okay.

Relax. - I am relaxed.

- Okay, good.

Then give us the room.

It's okay, baby.

- You do like that. Okay, baby.

- Get your glasses.

- Oh, okay.

Give me this.

And give me this. - [chuckling]

- Thank you, baby. - You're so welcome.

- Smells so good. - Mm-hmm.

- Put a little salt on the... - I did.

- Okay.

Little more pepper.

Now, that's how you get the room.

- [audience laughing]

- Mwah.

- So, what you got?

- I don't know what you think you found in that garage,

but you better close Pandora's box.

- Okay. - [audience laughing]

- ♪

- I don't know, baby.

She had this, this look in her eyes like...

- Like until you do right by me, everything around you

gonna crumble?

- Yeah, just like that!

Just like that.

- [sighs]

- I just never seen her like this.

You think she's ever spit in my dad's lemonade?

- That's crazy, your dad don't drink lemonade.

- [audience laughing]

- Yeah, but I never seen her like this before.

- Well Calvin, you did almost accuse her

of being an adulterer.

- But she's not just my mom. She's--

- President of the missionary board, praise team member,

Deaconess. - Okay, I get it.

- [audience laughing] - I get it.

I just mean that she's like the symbol of a rock-solid marriage.

- And?

- And if she did it then there's no hope for anyone.

Everybody's doing it.

[chuckles]

When I say everybody's doing it, I mean everybody except me.

It's just that everybody eventually will do it.

- [audience laughing] - Do you want me to save you

from incriminating yourself, baby?

- Please. - [laughing]

Listen, your mom is human.

She is a woman. And women are loving, passionate

sexual beings, Calvin.

- So you think she did it?

- [sighs] I don't know.

But if she did, she wouldn't be the first or the last.

- Wait, what's that supposed to mean?

Have you done it?

- No, I haven't done it.

Well, I mean I have, but...

- Wait, wait, wait, you've been cheating on me?

Look, that's what I'm not about to deal with right now.

- Calvin, no.

Baby, calm down. I have not cheated on you.

I cheated on my last boyfriend.

- Oh, well he was lame, so I get it.

- Right. - Wait,

who'd you cheat on him with?

With me?

- Yes, baby. I thought you knew.

I mean, Calvin aren't you flattered?

Baby, you are not the first man that I loved.

- So I was your side piece? - Yeah!

But now, you're my main piece.

- [audience laughing] - So all women do it?

Do you think...

You think Miranda did it?

- I was friends with Miranda for a long time,

so I know she did it.

- No, no, no, no, no, no! So all women are Jezebels?

- Calvin...

[laughing] You're so cute.

Listen, we are human, okay?

We love hard and we're passionate, just like men.

- No, no. My father would never do that to my mom.

- How do you know?

- Because she would kill him.

Oh no. - What?

- I left the book on the table in the backyard.

Look, if my dad finds that he's gonna do something crazy.

I gotta go get that book.

- ♪

- Hey, who took my grandbaby?

- She woke up so I brought her down before she started crying.

- I was just about to go in there and spoil her.

- Go to Paw Paw.

- What I tell you about that?

I ain't playing with you.

Hey.

Oh, that is so beautiful.

Malik and Lisa, combined, MaLisa.

- We should probably call her MaCheater,

since it runs in the family.

- You still on that? - Yes. It's Auntie Ella.

I can't let it go.

- Son, the older you get, the more you find out

that people do things that you never expected.

- Dad, have you ever had a side chick?

- Never.

- Dad, have you ever cheated on mom?

- Malik, you are asking some very adult questions.

- Look, I am way past the golden years

of being a teenager.

I am grown and I deserve to know.

- Grandbaby, let's go upstairs.

Yeah, because your daddy is gonna get his grown ass

whooped if he don't stop talking to me crazy.

Yes, he is. Right in front of his baby.

Yes, he is.

- [audience laughing]

- I think you should go over there.

- Go where? - To your Aunt Ella's.

If you wanna know the truth, you need to go get it.

- You think so? - Unless you're scared.

- Ain't nobody scared of Auntie Ella...

anymore.

- ♪

- [audience laughing]

- Where's the book?

- So, you come back to get the room?

- No. Uh,

look, Pop. I'm sorry about earlier.

I was feeling myself a little bit.

- A lotta bit.

So, what're you doing with the book?

- Huh?

- I said, what are you doing with the book?

- Oh, this book? It's, it's mom's family recipes.

- Oh, that's good. I could use some recipes.

I could use them on the barbecue truck.

- You don't want these recipes.

- Why, what are the recipes?

- Hot... chicken?

- Hot chicken?

I love hot chicken!

That's a gift from God!

- Oh, no, no. This isn't a gift from God.

- [audience laughing] - Well, give me the book.

- No.

- Why not? - Well, I can't.

- Why not?

- Pop, let me ask you something. - What?

- Would you ever hurt somebody you love?

Like a family member.

- Well, I can show you better than I can tell you.

- Uh, no, no, no, Pop.

- Just give me the book. - No, no, no, no, no.

Just step back. Step back!

- You know what? You about to piss me off.

Now I wanna see that doggone book.

- Wait, he found out, didn't he?

- Give me the book. - No.

- Give me the book.

- Wait, he doesn't know? - Doesn't know what?

- Um, Uncle Curtis, I think you should talk to Auntie Ella.

- Talk to Ella about what?

- Hot chicken.

- I'm so sick of that doggone hot chicken, I swear!

- Ah, volume one.

- Auntie Ella, I do not want to know the truth.

I can't handle the truth.

- You moved the book from the table out there.

- Okay, somebody gotta tell me what the hell's going on.

- Everybody in the living room.

- Let's do this.

- You.

You just wouldn't leave well enough alone.

So you wanna know how grown folks live real lives?

I'ma tell you.

I'ma help you.

Curtis Payne is not the first man I've loved.

- No, mama.

- Please no, I don't want to hear anymore of this.

- You're gonna hear it.

- I'm sorry, Pops. You can get through this.

- Oh, what y'all talking about? Eric?

- Wait, you know about him? - Y'all swinging?

- [audience laughing] - I said lov-ed, not love.

Curtis is not my first love and he knows it.

- Mom, that poetry was juicy.

- I was younger, madly in love and...

[chuckles]

I thought I was gonna spend the rest of my life with him.

- Then she met Curtis Payne. Ya heard me!

- Curtis, stop.

- So what happened?

- Life.

Liquor.

Addiction.

And he put his hands on me.

- Mom, I'm sorry.

- I'm not done.

Sometimes, the life you know is all you need.

I told you to close the box.

I left him. And I thought I wasn't gonna ever be able

to trust or love anybody ever again, let alone a man.

- Well, what did you do?

- Nothing, nothing.

Curtis Payne did it.

I met him outside of a bible study I was visiting.

- You met Pops... at a bible study?

- Outside the bible study. - [audience laughing]

- He thought the church was a club.

- I mean, it had this big, old neon sign.

I thought the A-M-E stood for Atlanta's Main Entertainment.

[chuckles]

- So what? You took him inside and changed his life?

- No, no, no, no, no. - Absolutely not.

I just found out that the wine was grape juice.

What kind of club is that? - [audience laughing]

- He just wouldn't stop calling me.

I said to him, I know you're broke and that is not okay.

- Mom, you were coming hard like that?

- And this man said to me, I know you're broken

and that is okay. I wanna fix you.

- Wait, Uncle Curtis, he said that?

- Looked into my soul, saw my pain.

And it did not bother him at all.

And I learned to love again.

With everything that I have.

- 'Cause I tore dat ahh up!

- [audience laughing]

- Not until the honeymoon night, Curtis.

- CURTIS: Come on, Ella.

You're messing up my legendary status.

- No, no she's not, Pops.

She just solidified it.

You're the real deal.

- Now, the next time you wanna go find some stuff,

don't.

- ♪

- ♪

- Looks like I got everything ready for the yard sale

tomorrow.

- Only thing left to do is take the donation box

back to the Help Center.

Uh, why is my bunny suit in the donation box?

- [audience laughing] - Time to let it go, bruh.

- Calvin Jr. might want to wear this.

- Or burn it.

- Bruh, that was a ministry.

- No, no, no. Singing is a ministry.

That is a sad existence for a grown man.

- [audience laughing]

- ♪

- ♪