All language subtitles for Tyler Perrys House of Payne - S11E03 - Bag Men WEBDL-1080p_track3_[eng]

- No, no, no, Ella.
I'm gonna need two of these.

- Hey, hey. Mama, listen.
- Hey, baby.

- Your baby boy has finally
come up in a major way.

- I'm not surprised.

When I pushed you
in that stroller

to your first baseball
practice, I told your coach,

eventually he's gonna walk.

And someday hit a home run.

- Oh, and this one,
[imitates hit].

It's out the park.

- [laughs] So
proud of you, baby.

So proud of you.

- Your boy is about
to get that bag.

- Get that bag, baby.
Come on. Get that bag.

- [smooching]

- What kind a bag?

- Ends, bands, loot.
- Ends, bands, loot.

- A bag means I'm
about to get paid.

And I'm talkin'
grown man money.

Your boy's not that little
solider scared to fight anymore.

- [laughs]

- Wait!

- Mama, they shootin' outside.

- [inaudible]

- Ella!
- Hey, baby.

- Baby, it's official!

Curtis Boss is the
newest, most barbecue-est

member of the Atlanta
Food Truck Community.

- [laughing] What
did you do, baby?

What did you do?

- I acquired a food
truck, right outside.

- Baby, you actually
bought a food truck?

- I said acquired.

And all it needs
is a transmission.

And engine mounts, and
tires, and vinyl wrap.

- Oh, that vinyl
wrap is a good look.

It could cover the
bullet holes...

- ELLA: Bullet holes? Curtis!

Baby, Curtis, no.

Curtis...where did you get
this rollin' trap house?

- Acquired.

I acquired it, baby.

And this gently-used
food truck with all

the equipment I need in it
to start sellin' barbecue

tomorrow, you heard me.

- Curtis, I am happy that
you have found something

to pursue in your
retirement, baby.

- Thank you.
- And your 'cue is amazing.

- It is, it is.

- Well, baby, you need
another food truck.

- Well, does it have
cooking utensils?

- Got 'em.

- What about a sink
and a water supply?

- Got it.

- What about a stove
and a propane tank?

And some matches?

- Got it, it, it.

- Baby, you need a food truck
that's worthy of your food.

Got it?

- It's not gonna happen.

Baby...

- Acquiring an attitude...

me.

- Ella, listen. If I pimp this
joker out and get a health rate

in two days, I get a prime spot

at the food truck park.

65 walk-up patrons an hour.

- I'm walking out.

- Baby, that's walkin' in.

- ELLA: Curtis!

- So, Pops, looks like you
about to get that bag, too.

- Too?

- Oh, well, your
son, I acquired a...

- Boy, you know
I like that word.

What did you acquire, Son?

- Oh, a new
international client.

They stream content
all over the world,

but they wanna use my platform

to distribute in North America.

- Look at you!

Now, that's a bag.

- Oh, yeah, it's
gonna be a few bags.

- Well, I'm gonna go get my bag.

- Oh, I'm gonna take your
bag and put it in my bag.

- [laughs] Woo,
that's a big bag!

- Uh-huh.

- ♪

- [airplane flying overhead]

- ♪

♪♪

- What you got for me, Malik?

- Bruised knuckles and
pissed-offed-ness.

Yeah, that's a new
word I just made up

'cause that's how mad I am.

- Mm-hmm.

It seems like you need

a little hard work to
clear up that aggression.

- Fixin' a transmission
isn't a little hard work.

It's one part wizardry
and three parts

why the hell am I doing this?

- Well, Malik, you will
thank me once I have

a convoy of trucks

and you're the vice president
of operations.

- No. I'm gonna thank you

when you take that ghetto
Millennium Falcon

to a mechanic.

- I am fire.

Okay?

- What you got for me, Lisa?

- All right, so I
called five locations,

got each business to offer me
the lowest price of all five.

- Now, that's my
chief of operations

officer right there.

- Wait, so what
does that make me?

Vice president of operations?

- That's right.

You'll be reporting
to me, baby.

It's so exciting, right?

I mean, we'll be working
very closely together.

- How so?

I got more working experience
with Uncle Curtis.

I'm the problem solver.

- Have you got that
transmission fixed

on the truck yet, sweetie?

- [scoffs] It's a transmission,

not an air freshener, my love.

- Then the problem's
not solved, babe.

- You have to
excuse the VP, Lisa.

He's got a bad case
of, uh, what was it?

Pissed-offed-ness?

- Well, Mr. Payne,
since you're the founder

and the chairman of Wipe
Me Down International...

- Yeah, still
terrible marketing.

- I think it's only
right that I inform you

that I will be
reporting Malik to HR.

- Lisa, I respect your decision.
- Thank you.

- And I support you.

- [laughs] Okay, okay,
I see what this is.

This is just three adults
playin' make believe right now.

Okay.

- I'm...I'm...what...

- Oh yeah, yeah.

You, Mr. Monopoly,

and I'm here to run my
business into the ground

until I go bankrupt and
everybody goes to the jail.

Let's play!

- Malik, I'm glad
that you think that

generational wealth is
a joke, but I'm trying

to teach you the business
from the ground up

so you can pass it on to your
lactose intolerant kids.

- LISA: Mm-hmm.

- How did you know kid
was lactose intolerant?

- Everybody want the money,
everybody want the paper,

but nobody wants
the busted knuckles.

- Mr. Monopoly?

Don't make the boss mad.

It promotes a toxic
work environment.

- [scoffs]
Well, I'm sorry.

You weren't the one

under a old food truck
tryin' to figure out how

to fix a transmission.

- That's right.
I was the one calling

transmission repair shops
to get quotes on the repairs.

- Wait, that was an option?

- Black girl magic
is always an option.

That's what I do!

- Yeah, I know.

- Hey, hey.
- What up, Cousin?

- Hey, CJ.
- How you doing?

Janine's on her way back,
so I need my cologne.

My favorite cologne.

- I have your cologne?

- Stop playin'.

- [phone dings]

- Man, Uncle Curtis
is killing me.

- What's going on?

- [sighs] He's
"indoctrinating" Malik

and Lisa into the
"family barbecue business"

in the name of
"generational wealth".

- Okay, that's way too many
air quotes for one sentence.

- Malik is "vice
president" of operations.

And, uh, Lisa is
"chief operating officer".

- Well, I don't see the issue
with what Pops is doing.

- Yeah, I mean, I'm sure
they're both getting

equal amounts of
equity in the business.

- Ain't no equity
in a food truck

that even roaches are scared of.

- Yeah, but that's
not the point.

Point is, Malik's the oldest

and he knows the boss,
so he should get more.

- [laughs] Well,
Lisa is Malik's boss,

so her bag should be bigger.

The dancers always do
all of the work, but yet

the man who owns the club
is the one who walks away

with the most money.

- That's because he owns
the "establishment".

- Okay, the air quotes...

CJ.

- So wait.
You think Pops is guilty

of pay disparities
based on gender?

- I don't think it.
I know it.

- No, that's not
what he's doing.

He's giving Lebron James
and Venus Williams

the exact same amount of money.

- [scoffs] Okay, CJ,
you do know that those

are two different sports, right?

- Listen, I'm a grown man
with a mortgage and four kids.

Y'all not gonna talk to me
any kind of way.

- [laughs] Okay, you know
it was Lisa who told me

that it was Venus who
spoke up for women's pay

at Wimbledon.

- So now she's operations guru
and sports historian?

- [scoffs] What, she can't
be both because she used

to be a "stripper"?

- Oh, you not gonna say
nothing about her air quotes?

- No, she's using
them properly.

But you're being a
little judgmental.

- Uh, when did hatin' on CJ
become a national holiday?

- It was the chauvinistic,
archaic mindset

and the improper use
of air quotes for me.

- So before this gets more
awkward, can I show you guys

my social media platform
that's gonna make me rich?

- Uh, baby, does
it objectify women

or give women less
rights than men?

- Absolutely not?
It's an algorithm.

- All right.

- I would air quote algorithm
but I know it would

get me crucified.

- You right.

- Okay, all employees
shall receive fair wage

and be paid on time,
blah, blah, blah.

We don't need that.

- Curtis?
- Yeah, baby?

- What's going on
with the food truck?

- Oh, tow truck
will be here soon.

- Good.

Because if it doesn't
go, then you gotta go.

- The truck's
almost cleaned out.

If everything goes on schedule,
it should be fully operational

in the next day and a half.

- Do what now?

- Well, Lisa, what
on earth do you mean?

I mean, what is
she talking about?

- Baby, you said the
tow truck was coming

to take that rust bucket away.

- It's gettin' towed
to the repair shop.

I'm kinda killin' my job.

I sorta love this.

- I hate this job!

It's not even a real job yet.

- Curtis, you're
paying these kids

to fix that roach coach?

- You know what? It's crazy.

I didn't find one single roach
in there.

But I did find some instructions
on Post-It notes.

Don't touch without
a tetanus shot.

Don't drink this water.

This is not a blood stain.

- Okay, if you really
wanna know, I acquired

the services of Malik
and Lisa for equity

in the Wipe Me Down empire.

- Equity?

How much did you bamboozle
them into thinking

they were gonna get?

- 10%.
- 15%.

- Wait, what?

I thought we were
makin' the same amount.

- Oh, this just got good.

- Mr. Payne, I would
like equal pay.

- What...I'm sorry...

Malik is older.

And he's a male.

- What?
- Curtis, that's not right.

- Well, she's already
gettin' free food.

- So you're paying him
more because he's a man?

- And your point is?

- This sounds like a
Lilly Ledbetter case.

- She doesn't work for me.

- She worked for Goodyear
for 19 years before she

found out she was gettin'
paid thousands of dollars

less than her male
counterparts.

- [scoffs] What does
that have to do with me?

- Oh, hell have no fury
like a woman snubbed

pay stub, that's what!

- You all always acting
like you the only ones that

can be furious.

I'm furious, too!

I'm allowed to be like that.

I was out there

and busting my knuckles
underneath that food truck.

It's just crazy!

- I guess a bag is easier
to get than I thought.

- Curtis, where'd
this money come from?

- I acquired it?

- ♪

- Curtis, what in the
Hello Kitty is going on?

- Well, the bag was in one
of the boxes in the truck.

- Was it there when we
were cleanin' it out?

- No, Mr. Monopoly snuck
in and dropped it off

when we weren't lookin'.

- Curtis?

You have an explanation?

- Yeah, God is good.

- Nuh-huh.
- All the time.

- God is good.

- Let my people say.

- This...got nothin'
to do with God.

This ain't got
nothing to do with God.

- Well, baby, you say God is
in the midst of all of it.

- Stop it, Curtis.
- Waymaker. Huh?

Miracle worker,
light in darkness.

You was just singing that
in your sleep last night.

- You gonna get
this whole house

struck down by lightning.

Now, Curtis, where
did you get the truck?

- I don't know, baby.
We don't use our real names

in the black market.

- Lord, this is drug money.
You gonna get us all merked.

- And by black market,
I hope you mean

the swap meet off Bankhead.

- Ella, I am an
entrepreneur, okay?

I'm working my business,
I do whatever it takes

to work my business
from the ground up.

Okay? It's off the hustle
for the muscle, baby.

- Okay, Curtis.
Well, use your muscle

and take that truck back
and get rid of this money.

Immediately.

- But baby, I wouldn't
even know where to find

Gorilla Mafia 187 right now.

- Yep, we're all gonna be dead
before the grand opening.

- Okay, CJ, I
finally got access

to the firefighter directory you
gave me. Thanks for that.

- Yeah. I can get you
free exclusive content

to the first responders.

They gonna have to
call me Negroflix.

- And Lisa gave us a
whole list of names,

but this a entire
database of uh...

- She said to call
them "former clients"

and former "associates".

See, CJ, that was

an appropriate place
to use air quotes.

- I'd rather cut
my fingers off.

- I also got my mom's
contacts from the help center,

her classmates,
and her church groups.

- All you're missing is
the blind and the deaf.

- Whoa, you are going in.

- Highly offensive.

- I was joking. It's a joke.

- CJ, this is not a joke.

I'm responsible for
6,000 petabytes of data.

That's 18,000 terabytes per day,

200 gigabytes per second.

- English, please?

- Well, it's a proprietary
client with high six figures.

- Why didn't you say
that at first? Come on, man.

Let's get this money.

- Oh, I think I finally
cracked my algorithm.

- [computer beeps]

- [phone dings]

- Oh.

- [Lisa gasps]
- Yeah.

- You gonna have to
change this algorithm.

- Um, baby, I thought
you said this would not

objectify women.

- What do you mean?

- You don't know the content?

- You in the porn industry now.

- Uh, they prefer the
term adult entertainment.

- Is this what you're streaming
to the first responders?

- And the help center clients?

- And the church groups.

- Wait a minute.
This can't be happening.

I didn't know my client had
an adult entertainment line.

- Calvin, you know that
feeling that you're feeling

crushing your chest?

- Yep. That's exactly
what it feels like.

- That is nothing compared
to what you gonna feel

when Aunt Ella choking
the hell outta you.

- Okay, we gotta fix this.

- What other church
groups did you contact?

- Uh, the choir.

- Well, I mean, they
all freaks anyway.

- And the deacons.

- I can talk to those guys.

- The missionaries,
the church mothers.

Sunday school,
Bible study, the pastor,

the first lady, and
the multimedia minister.

- No contact with the Pope, huh?

- What happens if
you stop the stream?

- I'll lose my contract.
I'm dead either way.

- We gotta get to Aunt
Ella before she sees this.

- CALVIN: Yeah.

- I'm praying for you, baby!

- ♪

- Is that it? I think that's it.
- Hey.

- Hey, baby.
- Hey, Ma.

- I think that's it.
- What you doing?

- I am looking for a video
that the choir director

sent me, and...
What are you doing?

- That phone has a bug in it.
I saw it on the news.

I gotta destroy it.

- What am I gonna
do for a phone?

- Oh, I'll buy you a new one.

- Aw, Mama's baby
gonna buy her a phone

with his wittle bag.

- It's real little now.

- Ooh wee!

Look at that rack!

- Uh, I'm dead.

- What you watchin, Unc?

- Oh, a video that was sent.

And it is dirty. [laughs]

The more I watch it,
the more I love it.

- Okay, Mama, I could explain.

Look, I didn't know
what kind of content

they would be streaming.
I just...I saw the money.

- What are you talking about?
- Look, I'll even go to church.

I'll apologize to everybody.

I'll...hell, I'll even sing
in the choir if I have to.

Just please don't choke me.

- What happened?

- Whew, look at how hot she get.

- That.

I'm the reason why dad
is streaming porn on his phone.

- Ain't nobody lookin'
at no porn...today.

Nah, this Gorilla
Mafia sent me a video

on how to operate the truck.

The rack, the grill.

I mean, this grill gets hot.

- We agreed you were takin'
that truck and the money back.

- Oh, I did, baby.
I took the money back.

- So Mafia 400,000 ain't gonna
come over here and kill us?

- They never was.

- Wait. So no one is seeing
Calvin's stream?

- Was that today?
- Forgot about that thing.

- ELLA: I forgot.

- Thanks for the
support, family.

He appreciates it.

So no one believed
in Calvin except me.

- So wait, if they didn't
see it, that means it only

shows up if you already
have porn on your phone.

See, my algorithm only
enhances what's there.

That's why it didn't
pop up on their phones.

- Right.

- Pss, will you be
destroying my phone?

- Nope. All good.
- Thank you.

- Just like God, all the time.

- ♪

- [knocking]

- Is that my bag?
- It is.

I know a few people
on the black market.

- Hey, Lisa!

I really appreciate you.

- How much?
- How much what?

- How much are my contributions
to your future business?

- This much.

- I don't want no hug.

I wanna be compensated
for my time and talent

the way a man is.

I worked for a long time
every night, giving 20%

of my money to the
DJ, the security,

and the man running the club.

I was the one getting harassed
and doing all the dancing.

I wanna get paid
the way a man is.

I know how the operations work.

- I respect that.
And you know what?

I like the fact
that you're standing up

for what you believe in.

And that's the kind of
people I want workin' for

Wipe Me Down International.

Okay, you'll get
the same equity that Malik gets.

- Thank you, Mr. Payne.

- Thank you, Madame
Chief Operating Officer.

- ♪

- I like that.

- You better not tell nobody.

- ♪

- ♪

- ♪