All language subtitles for Tyler Perrys House of Payne - S10E14 - DNAin t WEBDL-1080p_track3_[eng]

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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:08,827 --> 00:00:12,965 - Okay, baby, this is basically what you need to make a cake. 2 00:00:12,965 --> 00:00:16,413 Alright, so this is a whisk, whisk, whisk. 3 00:00:17,275 --> 00:00:19,275 And you really wanna whisk, whisk your batter--batter, 4 00:00:19,275 --> 00:00:20,655 and get it really creamy. 5 00:00:20,655 --> 00:00:21,724 - Okay. 6 00:00:21,724 --> 00:00:23,034 - Now, if I say, "Lisa, 7 00:00:23,034 --> 00:00:26,758 I want one cup of milk." 8 00:00:26,758 --> 00:00:28,896 And you would go...? 9 00:00:28,896 --> 00:00:32,793 Pour to-- that's two cups, two cups. 10 00:00:32,793 --> 00:00:35,862 One cup of milk, one cup. 11 00:00:35,862 --> 00:00:37,413 Where you see a one. 12 00:00:37,413 --> 00:00:40,275 Yes, one cup. 13 00:00:40,275 --> 00:00:41,172 - FLOYD: [yelling] Ella!! 14 00:00:41,172 --> 00:00:42,758 - Very--- Floyd! 15 00:00:42,758 --> 00:00:44,172 And then you have a bowl-- 16 00:00:44,172 --> 00:00:45,827 - It's going down. 17 00:00:45,827 --> 00:00:47,103 - What's going-- 18 00:00:47,103 --> 00:00:48,551 what's go--wait, what, what is it? 19 00:00:48,551 --> 00:00:51,000 - It's going down faster than a pro football player 20 00:00:51,000 --> 00:00:52,586 at an Atlanta strip club. 21 00:00:52,586 --> 00:00:54,000 - ELLA: Oh, oh! 22 00:00:54,000 --> 00:00:56,172 Okay, please don't mention strip clubbing. 23 00:00:56,172 --> 00:00:57,620 - FLOYD: Oh, um-- - ELLA: Um-- 24 00:00:57,620 --> 00:00:58,931 - Too soon? 25 00:00:58,931 --> 00:01:00,413 - ELLA: Floyd, what's going down? 26 00:01:00,413 --> 00:01:04,206 - Okay, I've arranged for the Payne family and moi 27 00:01:04,206 --> 00:01:08,896 to be invited for an ancestry reveal video conference. 28 00:01:08,896 --> 00:01:10,413 - ELLA: What? 29 00:01:10,413 --> 00:01:12,172 Wait a minute, wait a minute now, 30 00:01:12,172 --> 00:01:14,965 is that where they do the DNA test, 31 00:01:14,965 --> 00:01:17,172 and it shows where you are from? 32 00:01:17,172 --> 00:01:19,241 - Yep, where you're from, you know, 33 00:01:19,241 --> 00:01:21,655 maybe from what tribe, what region, 34 00:01:21,655 --> 00:01:24,896 and sometimes, it'll even show if you're royalty. 35 00:01:24,896 --> 00:01:28,068 - ELLA: Oh! That is exciting. 36 00:01:28,068 --> 00:01:29,448 - Yeah. 37 00:01:29,448 --> 00:01:32,344 - So, that is why you have been all CSI, 38 00:01:32,344 --> 00:01:34,862 trying to get our DNA samples? 39 00:01:34,862 --> 00:01:37,344 - Well, it's because I wanna get rid of the rumor 40 00:01:37,344 --> 00:01:41,000 that my father is actually my uncle. 41 00:01:41,000 --> 00:01:44,103 That my mama's second husband 42 00:01:44,103 --> 00:01:46,172 is actually my second cousin. 43 00:01:47,344 --> 00:01:51,310 - Floyd, your roots are 'bout as deep as a garden weed. 44 00:01:52,137 --> 00:01:53,551 - LISA: But I think it's a good idea, 45 00:01:53,551 --> 00:01:55,413 I mean, I got my DNA results a while ago. 46 00:01:55,413 --> 00:01:56,896 I wanted to know where I came from, 47 00:01:56,896 --> 00:01:58,517 and what my ancestral roots were. 48 00:01:58,517 --> 00:02:01,655 - ELLA: Are there lots of branches on your family tree? 49 00:02:01,655 --> 00:02:04,068 - Yeah, see, that's the funny thing... 50 00:02:04,068 --> 00:02:06,310 See, when I got my results back, 51 00:02:06,310 --> 00:02:08,413 it showed me a lot about my family that I didn't know, 52 00:02:08,413 --> 00:02:11,517 and about people I didn't even know I was related to. 53 00:02:11,517 --> 00:02:13,068 - FLOYD: You ain't gotta worry about it now, 54 00:02:13,068 --> 00:02:15,344 'cuz you got Payne DNA in your blood now. 55 00:02:15,344 --> 00:02:17,241 - ELLA: Yes! - FLOYD: So, you know what? 56 00:02:17,241 --> 00:02:20,241 You are officially carrying a little prince. 57 00:02:20,241 --> 00:02:24,448 - ELLA: Uh, or, a princess. - FLOYD: [laughs] 58 00:02:24,448 --> 00:02:29,068 But I'm sure that Curtis would want a little prince. 59 00:02:29,068 --> 00:02:31,206 - [audience laughs] 60 00:02:31,206 --> 00:02:33,137 - I wouldn't mind raising a little king. 61 00:02:33,137 --> 00:02:34,827 - Thank you, my lady. 62 00:02:34,827 --> 00:02:37,448 - Because little kings are raised to respect queens, 63 00:02:37,448 --> 00:02:39,310 and give 'em whatever they want. 64 00:02:39,310 --> 00:02:42,551 - ELLA: I knew I loved this lady. 65 00:02:42,551 --> 00:02:46,724 - Well, which one came first, the king or the queen? 66 00:02:46,724 --> 00:02:49,689 - Floyd, that makes no sense at all. 67 00:02:49,689 --> 00:02:52,896 - LISA: Well, when my nana taught me how to play chess, 68 00:02:52,896 --> 00:02:55,655 I learned that the queen is the only piece on the board 69 00:02:55,655 --> 00:02:59,482 that can move anywhere on the board, in any direction, 70 00:02:59,482 --> 00:03:02,206 making her the most powerful piece on the board. 71 00:03:02,206 --> 00:03:04,827 - Oh, and what about the king? 72 00:03:04,827 --> 00:03:07,344 - [chuckles] It take the whole board 73 00:03:07,344 --> 00:03:10,275 to protect his old, tired, bloated butt. 74 00:03:10,275 --> 00:03:12,137 He only can move one block at a time, 75 00:03:12,137 --> 00:03:13,379 making him worthless. 76 00:03:13,379 --> 00:03:14,689 - [audience laughs] 77 00:03:14,689 --> 00:03:16,137 - Hear that, Floyd? 78 00:03:16,137 --> 00:03:19,034 Oh, the king is worthless, checkmate. 79 00:03:19,034 --> 00:03:20,310 - [audience laughs] 80 00:03:22,827 --> 00:03:33,793 - ♪ 81 00:03:39,379 --> 00:03:41,310 ♪♪ 82 00:03:44,413 --> 00:03:46,172 - So, if y'all doing the DNA reveal, 83 00:03:46,172 --> 00:03:47,655 that mean I get another chance to be on TV? 84 00:03:47,655 --> 00:03:50,241 - No, no, no, no, no, this is a teleconference. 85 00:03:50,241 --> 00:03:52,931 See, the host is gonna ask me some questions 86 00:03:52,931 --> 00:03:57,172 about my superior Wakanda blood DNA. 87 00:03:57,896 --> 00:04:00,137 And the rest of you will listen. 88 00:04:00,137 --> 00:04:01,862 - So, what about the rest of the family? 89 00:04:01,862 --> 00:04:06,000 - FLOYD: C.J., there's not a drop of Wakanda blood in you. 90 00:04:06,000 --> 00:04:07,344 - LISA: Wait, wait, wait, 91 00:04:07,344 --> 00:04:08,965 you related to Michael B. Jordan, Floyd? 92 00:04:08,965 --> 00:04:12,689 - FLOYD: [chuckles] I mean, we do favor a little bit. 93 00:04:14,655 --> 00:04:16,655 - MALIK: Wait, I've seen this series before, 94 00:04:16,655 --> 00:04:18,482 don't they take one of the families 95 00:04:18,482 --> 00:04:20,206 and make them the subject of a documentary? 96 00:04:20,206 --> 00:04:22,413 - Really? No. 97 00:04:22,413 --> 00:04:26,793 The Sauce Bosses will not be the subject of a documentary. 98 00:04:26,793 --> 00:04:28,241 - C.J.: Wait a minute, 99 00:04:28,241 --> 00:04:30,551 so you telling me this is about free publicity 100 00:04:30,551 --> 00:04:34,344 for you and Uncle Curtis' soon-to-be barbecue empire? 101 00:04:34,344 --> 00:04:37,206 - Mm-hm. - FLOYD: No, no, no, see. 102 00:04:37,206 --> 00:04:39,172 I'm not in it like that, 103 00:04:39,172 --> 00:04:43,379 I'm in it to show you a new place, 104 00:04:43,379 --> 00:04:47,379 and to bring you to a better appreciation of yourselves. 105 00:04:48,758 --> 00:04:51,137 - Sorta like a colonizer. 106 00:04:51,137 --> 00:04:52,689 - ELLA: He may as well be, 107 00:04:52,689 --> 00:04:56,655 he using everybody else's DNA for your own good. 108 00:04:56,655 --> 00:04:58,896 - C.J.: Yeah, Floyd, you sure you not tryna get us 109 00:04:58,896 --> 00:05:01,103 to be free labor for your business? 110 00:05:01,103 --> 00:05:03,379 - ELLA: Right. - Might be. 111 00:05:03,379 --> 00:05:05,551 - ELLA: Ugh! - Depending upon your genetics. 112 00:05:05,551 --> 00:05:07,655 - [audience laughs] - Wow. 113 00:05:07,655 --> 00:05:10,172 - So inappropriate. - LISA: Wow. 114 00:05:10,172 --> 00:05:13,206 - MALIK: Well, Massa Floyd, I shol'-- 115 00:05:13,206 --> 00:05:16,517 - [fake laughs] You're very funny. 116 00:05:16,517 --> 00:05:20,517 Alright, but you keep laughing, 'cuz you all will soon find out 117 00:05:20,517 --> 00:05:25,620 that I have the lineage of great African royalty. 118 00:05:25,620 --> 00:05:30,034 And when you do find out, you will all have to bow down. 119 00:05:30,034 --> 00:05:31,344 - ELLA: Bow down? 120 00:05:31,344 --> 00:05:33,586 Your name is not on this house note. 121 00:05:33,586 --> 00:05:37,310 No one in this house will ever bow down to you, Floyd, 122 00:05:37,310 --> 00:05:40,310 so, I hope you plan on bowing down to yourself. 123 00:05:40,310 --> 00:05:43,551 - Well, alright, family, good luck with y'all DNA dance, 124 00:05:43,551 --> 00:05:45,206 we gotta get ready for our road trip, 125 00:05:45,206 --> 00:05:46,344 we're heading to Cousin Calvin's. 126 00:05:46,344 --> 00:05:48,413 - I can't wait to see my family. 127 00:05:48,413 --> 00:05:50,655 - C.J.: So, you're gonna stop off at your family reunion 128 00:05:50,655 --> 00:05:51,827 on your way, huh? 129 00:05:51,827 --> 00:05:53,137 - Yeah, my great aunt, 130 00:05:53,137 --> 00:05:54,551 she's celebrating her centennial birthday, 131 00:05:54,551 --> 00:05:56,379 my whole family gon' be there. 132 00:05:56,379 --> 00:05:59,137 - This'll be a good way for me to meet my future in-laws. 133 00:05:59,137 --> 00:06:01,655 - It's a set-up. 134 00:06:02,793 --> 00:06:03,862 - Please hush up. 135 00:06:04,827 --> 00:06:06,413 - C.J.: Well, I'm proud of you, Son. 136 00:06:06,413 --> 00:06:08,413 Hitting the road like a grown man. 137 00:06:08,413 --> 00:06:10,000 - Well, thanks, Dad. 138 00:06:10,000 --> 00:06:11,379 Uh, can I have some gas money? 139 00:06:12,827 --> 00:06:17,137 - Uh, Son, grown men don't ask their parents for gas money. 140 00:06:17,137 --> 00:06:18,896 Good luck. 141 00:06:18,896 --> 00:06:21,137 - [chuckles] I got you, Malik. 142 00:06:21,137 --> 00:06:22,137 - Thank you, Auntie Ella. 143 00:06:22,137 --> 00:06:23,689 - [chuckles] 144 00:06:25,517 --> 00:06:27,172 - Nah. 145 00:06:27,172 --> 00:06:28,482 - [laughter] 146 00:06:28,482 --> 00:06:30,241 - Don't do your daddy like that. 147 00:06:31,482 --> 00:06:34,000 - Y'all be careful. Text us collect. 148 00:06:35,793 --> 00:06:37,758 - ♪ 149 00:06:37,758 --> 00:06:39,655 - CALVIN: What's up, Cuzzo? - MALIK: What's up? 150 00:06:39,655 --> 00:06:41,379 - 'Bout ready to hit the road? - Yep. 151 00:06:41,379 --> 00:06:43,482 Three days on the road, spending quality time 152 00:06:43,482 --> 00:06:45,896 with the woman I'ma spend the rest of my life with. 153 00:06:45,896 --> 00:06:50,000 - I got the playlist ready, this trip gon' be lit. 154 00:06:50,000 --> 00:06:52,206 - You about to play that trap music across the country, huh? 155 00:06:52,206 --> 00:06:54,000 - Uh, no, 156 00:06:54,000 --> 00:06:57,448 I got all my favorite Broadway show tunes locked and loaded. 157 00:06:57,448 --> 00:06:58,862 - Please don't ask her which sh-- 158 00:06:58,862 --> 00:07:00,379 - Which shows? - Oh god. 159 00:07:00,379 --> 00:07:03,482 - "Cats", "Fiddler", "Avenue Q", "The Color Purple", 160 00:07:03,482 --> 00:07:06,448 "Ma Rainey's Black Bottom", "Fences"-- 161 00:07:06,448 --> 00:07:09,379 - MALIK: Baby, "Fences" isn't a musical. 162 00:07:09,379 --> 00:07:10,758 - It is now, 163 00:07:10,758 --> 00:07:12,655 I got one of the DJs from the club 164 00:07:12,655 --> 00:07:15,172 to mash up the movie with "Hamilton," 165 00:07:15,172 --> 00:07:16,586 - Why would he do that? 166 00:07:16,586 --> 00:07:19,000 - 'Cuz I paid him to, duh. 167 00:07:19,000 --> 00:07:20,689 While you playing, 168 00:07:20,689 --> 00:07:24,034 Denzel, he would have made a dope-ass Alexander Hamilton, 169 00:07:24,034 --> 00:07:26,241 kilt it! 170 00:07:26,241 --> 00:07:29,379 - Three wonderful, long days on the road, 171 00:07:29,379 --> 00:07:31,034 full of relaxation and songs 172 00:07:31,034 --> 00:07:33,689 that make me wanna drive the car into the Grand Canyon. 173 00:07:33,689 --> 00:07:35,379 - Yeah, but this baby twerking on my bladder, 174 00:07:35,379 --> 00:07:37,655 so, I gotta go to the bathroom. 175 00:07:37,655 --> 00:07:40,206 - Grand Canyon should be crazy. - Yeah. 176 00:07:40,206 --> 00:07:41,586 - Is that your last stop? - Nah. 177 00:07:41,586 --> 00:07:43,310 Uh, we're gonna stop in L.A., 178 00:07:43,310 --> 00:07:44,862 Lisa wants to pay homage to Nipsey Hussle. 179 00:07:44,862 --> 00:07:46,931 She's getting cornrows and everything. 180 00:07:47,896 --> 00:07:49,793 - Word, ya--y'all road tripping like that? 181 00:07:49,793 --> 00:07:53,068 - Yeah, Georgia, Alabama, Mississippi, 182 00:07:53,068 --> 00:07:55,689 Arkansas, Texas, then, out west. 183 00:07:55,689 --> 00:07:59,586 - Uh, Malik, you sure you built for this? 184 00:07:59,586 --> 00:08:02,137 I mean, you ain't been past the last stop on the MARTA train. 185 00:08:03,103 --> 00:08:05,517 - Yeah, I'm sure I'll be good, I survived MARTA. 186 00:08:06,724 --> 00:08:08,586 - Okay, okay, let's say you're in your car, 187 00:08:08,586 --> 00:08:11,586 and you get to some place you've never been before. 188 00:08:11,586 --> 00:08:13,034 - Well, I'll just be nice, 189 00:08:13,034 --> 00:08:15,448 and show everybody some Southern hospitality. 190 00:08:15,448 --> 00:08:17,862 - Yeah, you ain't built for this. 191 00:08:17,862 --> 00:08:20,620 Don't be nice, be smart, know your surroundings. 192 00:08:20,620 --> 00:08:22,965 Okay, let's say one of the homies roll up on you, 193 00:08:22,965 --> 00:08:24,620 and give you pressure. 194 00:08:24,620 --> 00:08:26,517 - Like, tire pressure at a gas station? 195 00:08:26,517 --> 00:08:28,068 - What's up, homie? 196 00:08:28,068 --> 00:08:30,034 Who is you, where you from, why you got on that blue? 197 00:08:30,034 --> 00:08:31,344 - What's up-- - You cuz? 198 00:08:31,344 --> 00:08:32,896 - What's up, my guy? 199 00:08:32,896 --> 00:08:35,586 No, I'm from the Southside, what's up with you? 200 00:08:35,586 --> 00:08:37,620 - Say, homie, you know what, 201 00:08:37,620 --> 00:08:42,379 run me them kicks and everything else you got on...cuz. 202 00:08:42,379 --> 00:08:45,448 - Cuz, what--what, are we related now? 203 00:08:45,448 --> 00:08:48,344 - I said, run me everything you got on. 204 00:08:48,344 --> 00:08:49,827 - Okay. - Give me everything you got on. 205 00:08:49,827 --> 00:08:51,965 - Stop! You're tickling me. Stop! What are you doing? 206 00:08:51,965 --> 00:08:53,103 Cut it out! 207 00:08:53,103 --> 00:08:54,620 Who are you, what's going on? 208 00:08:54,620 --> 00:08:57,517 - I said, break yo self, break yo self, fool. 209 00:08:57,517 --> 00:08:59,034 Break yo self, you know where you from? 210 00:08:59,034 --> 00:09:01,448 You know where you from, you know where you at, huh? 211 00:09:01,448 --> 00:09:03,172 - I'm--I'm confused now. 212 00:09:04,379 --> 00:09:06,931 - And that is all before the sun goes down. 213 00:09:06,931 --> 00:09:10,482 Next lesson, never wave at anybody with just three fingers. 214 00:09:10,482 --> 00:09:12,793 - [audience laughs] 215 00:09:12,793 --> 00:09:14,482 - ♪ 216 00:09:14,482 --> 00:09:19,793 - Hear ye, hear ye, the time is nigh! 217 00:09:19,793 --> 00:09:24,413 The results have been emailed in from your DNA. 218 00:09:24,413 --> 00:09:27,206 - Well, I hope that I'm a king so I can have you beheaded. 219 00:09:27,206 --> 00:09:29,551 - Silence, peasant. 220 00:09:30,724 --> 00:09:34,724 - Floyd, I'm starting to have a bad feeling about this. 221 00:09:34,724 --> 00:09:40,000 - Silence, woman at the well...ness center. 222 00:09:40,000 --> 00:09:42,068 - [audience laughs] 223 00:09:42,068 --> 00:09:43,551 - I'll hold him down, 224 00:09:43,551 --> 00:09:45,172 and you beat him with anything you can find. 225 00:09:45,172 --> 00:09:46,758 - Mm-hmm, mm-hmm. 226 00:09:46,758 --> 00:09:50,551 - First results are for C.J. Payne. 227 00:09:50,551 --> 00:09:52,413 - Let's just get this over with. 228 00:09:52,413 --> 00:09:53,862 - According to your DNA results, 229 00:09:53,862 --> 00:09:57,931 they are 43% East African and Native American, 230 00:09:57,931 --> 00:10:01,103 sixty-six percent Sub-Saharan African, 231 00:10:01,103 --> 00:10:03,655 and one percent European. 232 00:10:03,655 --> 00:10:05,275 - That's nice, C.J., 233 00:10:05,275 --> 00:10:08,551 I always said you had a little Native American in you. 234 00:10:08,551 --> 00:10:11,241 - That means I have the blood of two indigenous people 235 00:10:11,241 --> 00:10:12,620 running through my veins. 236 00:10:12,620 --> 00:10:15,517 - That explains everything. 237 00:10:15,517 --> 00:10:17,068 - What do you mean? 238 00:10:17,068 --> 00:10:21,724 - Well, I mean, some days you're down with the cause, 239 00:10:21,724 --> 00:10:23,344 and then there are other days 240 00:10:23,344 --> 00:10:27,206 where you are in touch with the elements of the Earth. 241 00:10:27,206 --> 00:10:30,000 That explains why you run into burning buildings 242 00:10:30,000 --> 00:10:31,517 to put out fires. 243 00:10:31,517 --> 00:10:34,206 - ELLA: Floyd, that's so disrespectful. 244 00:10:34,206 --> 00:10:37,310 - Don't blame me, it's in his DNA. 245 00:10:37,310 --> 00:10:39,241 - You not gon' DNA shame me. 246 00:10:39,241 --> 00:10:43,137 - Oh, be proud of your heritage, you've been oppressed twice. 247 00:10:44,172 --> 00:10:45,172 - ELLA: Floyd? - Hm? 248 00:10:45,172 --> 00:10:47,379 - Inappropriate. 249 00:10:47,379 --> 00:10:48,413 - FLOYD: Shall we carry on? 250 00:10:48,413 --> 00:10:49,827 And now Ella Payne. 251 00:10:49,827 --> 00:10:50,965 - Okay. 252 00:10:50,965 --> 00:10:52,655 - FLOYD: According to your DNA results, 253 00:10:52,655 --> 00:10:56,034 you are 97% Sub-Saharan African 254 00:10:56,034 --> 00:11:00,379 and three percent Middle Eastern and North African. 255 00:11:00,379 --> 00:11:03,482 - And a thousand percent Baptist. 256 00:11:03,482 --> 00:11:04,965 - [audience laughs] 257 00:11:04,965 --> 00:11:07,896 - FLOYD: And you share a maternal genetic ancestry 258 00:11:07,896 --> 00:11:12,965 with...wow...Queen Nandi, whoever that is. 259 00:11:12,965 --> 00:11:15,103 - Queen Nandi? That can't be right. 260 00:11:15,103 --> 00:11:16,482 - Why, what's wrong? 261 00:11:16,482 --> 00:11:18,862 She was Episcopalian? 262 00:11:18,862 --> 00:11:21,793 - Queen Nandi is Shaka Zulu's mother. 263 00:11:21,793 --> 00:11:25,758 - I'm a descendant of Af--of an African queen? 264 00:11:25,758 --> 00:11:28,103 Floyd, I'm a queen? 265 00:11:28,103 --> 00:11:30,344 Lo--look--am I a queen? 266 00:11:30,344 --> 00:11:32,275 - Yeah, but you're still a Baptist. 267 00:11:32,275 --> 00:11:33,275 - [audience laughs] 268 00:11:33,275 --> 00:11:34,896 - Bow down. - What? 269 00:11:34,896 --> 00:11:37,724 - You in the presence of royalty, Floyd. 270 00:11:37,724 --> 00:11:40,172 She's your queen to be for real. 271 00:11:40,172 --> 00:11:42,482 - [chuckles] Bow down. 272 00:11:42,482 --> 00:11:45,620 Bow down! - Please. 273 00:11:45,620 --> 00:11:50,758 And now, according to my own DNA results... 274 00:11:50,758 --> 00:11:55,275 it finds that I am 91%... European? 275 00:11:55,275 --> 00:11:56,793 - [laughs] 276 00:11:56,793 --> 00:11:59,206 FLOYD: And nine percent Sub-Saharan African? 277 00:11:59,206 --> 00:12:01,034 - [audience laughs] 278 00:12:01,034 --> 00:12:02,206 - What the hell? 279 00:12:05,931 --> 00:12:07,482 - Well, that explains everything! 280 00:12:07,482 --> 00:12:10,000 - No, this don't explain absolutely nothing. 281 00:12:10,000 --> 00:12:11,586 - And Lisa was right. 282 00:12:11,586 --> 00:12:12,758 - About what? 283 00:12:12,758 --> 00:12:15,068 - You are a colonizer. 284 00:12:15,068 --> 00:12:16,413 - ELLA: [laughs] 285 00:12:16,413 --> 00:12:17,551 C.J.? 286 00:12:17,551 --> 00:12:18,586 - Yes, Queen? 287 00:12:18,586 --> 00:12:20,344 - Wakanda forever! 288 00:12:20,344 --> 00:12:22,758 - Wakanda forever! Floyd? 289 00:12:22,758 --> 00:12:24,413 - Yeah? - Wakanda for-never. 290 00:12:24,413 --> 00:12:28,689 - [laughs] 291 00:12:28,689 --> 00:12:30,862 - Look, they made a mistake. - ELLA: No. 292 00:12:30,862 --> 00:12:32,482 - Okay, they sent the wrong results, okay? 293 00:12:32,482 --> 00:12:33,827 Look, look, look, it says, 294 00:12:33,827 --> 00:12:35,827 "Click here for additional results," right? 295 00:12:35,827 --> 00:12:37,482 And so, right here, according to this, 296 00:12:37,482 --> 00:12:42,000 I am 23% Irish-American, too? 297 00:12:42,000 --> 00:12:44,206 - [audience laughs] 298 00:12:44,206 --> 00:12:46,103 - Oh my gosh. 299 00:12:46,103 --> 00:12:47,724 - C.J.: Floyd? - What? 300 00:12:47,724 --> 00:12:49,448 - I had hopes and dreams, 301 00:12:49,448 --> 00:12:51,896 and you're making 'em all come true, 302 00:12:51,896 --> 00:12:54,241 I always wanted to meet a black leprechaun. 303 00:12:54,241 --> 00:12:56,448 - ELLA: [laughs] 304 00:12:56,448 --> 00:12:58,068 [Irish accent] Top of the morning to ya. 305 00:12:58,068 --> 00:12:59,965 - [Irish accent] They're after me Lucky Charms. 306 00:13:01,000 --> 00:13:04,310 - Y'all are so inappropriate and disrespectful. 307 00:13:04,310 --> 00:13:05,620 - C.J.: Oh! 308 00:13:05,620 --> 00:13:08,068 When you were DNA shaming us 309 00:13:08,068 --> 00:13:12,310 because we didn't have one pure African blood, 310 00:13:12,310 --> 00:13:13,655 it was okay? 311 00:13:13,655 --> 00:13:16,034 - Yes, and your point is? 312 00:13:16,034 --> 00:13:19,931 - Instead of judging your ancestry, embrace it, 313 00:13:19,931 --> 00:13:22,068 that's what's wrong with society now. 314 00:13:22,068 --> 00:13:24,344 - Instead of judging these cultures, 315 00:13:24,344 --> 00:13:28,655 why not research them and learn more about who you are, 316 00:13:28,655 --> 00:13:30,551 and where you came from? - ELLA: Yes. 317 00:13:30,551 --> 00:13:32,413 Floyd, you're trying to make us feel inferior 318 00:13:32,413 --> 00:13:34,275 to who we are and where we came from. 319 00:13:34,275 --> 00:13:36,896 - If we all took the time to know each other, 320 00:13:36,896 --> 00:13:39,689 we wouldn't be fighting each other so much. 321 00:13:39,689 --> 00:13:41,758 - ELLA: And now, you're in your feelings 322 00:13:41,758 --> 00:13:43,724 because the world is gonna find out 323 00:13:43,724 --> 00:13:46,103 that you're hiding your pot of gold somewhere. 324 00:13:46,103 --> 00:13:49,482 - Look, they're never gonna hear about these results. 325 00:13:49,482 --> 00:13:50,896 - [tablet rings] 326 00:13:50,896 --> 00:13:52,517 - ELLA: Oh, oh, yes-- oh, yes they will. 327 00:13:52,517 --> 00:13:54,793 - [tablet rings] - Yes, they will. [chuckles] 328 00:13:54,793 --> 00:13:57,034 The video conference-- it says here, 329 00:13:57,034 --> 00:14:00,241 the video conference to discuss the findings 330 00:14:00,241 --> 00:14:02,517 will take place in 15 minutes. 331 00:14:02,517 --> 00:14:04,103 - No, no, no, no, no, no! 332 00:14:04,103 --> 00:14:07,551 Look, you've got to be the face of the reveal, okay? 333 00:14:07,551 --> 00:14:09,413 - Why? 334 00:14:09,413 --> 00:14:11,551 - FLOYD: Because you're a queen, 335 00:14:11,551 --> 00:14:12,827 and because you're a queen, 336 00:14:12,827 --> 00:14:14,275 they'll choose us for the documentary. 337 00:14:15,758 --> 00:14:18,551 - So it's still about you wanting everybody to do 338 00:14:18,551 --> 00:14:20,275 what you want. 339 00:14:20,275 --> 00:14:23,965 - C.J.: You need to name your restaurant, Floyd the Colonizer. 340 00:14:23,965 --> 00:14:27,655 - ELLA: Yeah, call yourself Colonel Floyd. 341 00:14:27,655 --> 00:14:29,862 - C.J.: [laughs] - [laughs] 342 00:14:29,862 --> 00:14:32,896 - Forty Acres and a Man from Ireland. 343 00:14:32,896 --> 00:14:36,103 - ELLA: You know, what does an Irishman eat? 344 00:14:36,103 --> 00:14:37,413 - I don't know, 345 00:14:37,413 --> 00:14:39,172 but this one right here 'bout to eat some crow. 346 00:14:39,172 --> 00:14:40,689 - [tablet rings] 347 00:14:40,689 --> 00:14:42,586 - ELLA: Uh-oh, the host of the series is calling. 348 00:14:42,586 --> 00:14:43,862 - [tablet rings] - ELLA: Here. 349 00:14:43,862 --> 00:14:45,896 - Gon' answer it, fix your hair. 350 00:14:45,896 --> 00:14:47,896 - You do it. - Um-- 351 00:14:49,965 --> 00:14:53,137 - CALVIN: Okay, ten and two at the wheel. 352 00:14:53,137 --> 00:14:56,172 - [scoffs] Have you ever been to prison? 353 00:14:56,172 --> 00:14:57,896 - Only in my marriage. 354 00:14:57,896 --> 00:15:00,931 - Oh, well, how do you know this is gonna keep me out of jail? 355 00:15:00,931 --> 00:15:05,517 - Look, don't worry about jail, just worry about ten and two. 356 00:15:05,517 --> 00:15:07,655 - Okay, ten and two. 357 00:15:07,655 --> 00:15:09,448 - Mm-hm, and make sure you keep your license, 358 00:15:09,448 --> 00:15:12,413 and your registration taped right there to the dashboard. 359 00:15:12,413 --> 00:15:14,724 - What is this, "In the Heat of the Night"? 360 00:15:14,724 --> 00:15:16,620 Nobody does that anymore, 361 00:15:16,620 --> 00:15:18,655 it's in a database in a cloud somewhere. 362 00:15:18,655 --> 00:15:20,827 - Okay, Mr. Database in a Cloud Somewhere, 363 00:15:20,827 --> 00:15:22,862 let's just run the scenario then. 364 00:15:22,862 --> 00:15:26,931 - [deeply exhales] Okay. 365 00:15:26,931 --> 00:15:29,931 - Do you know why I pulled you over, sir? 366 00:15:29,931 --> 00:15:33,241 - Let me guess, the proverbial tail light. 367 00:15:33,241 --> 00:15:36,068 - Okay, relax with the jokes, I'm asking the questions here. 368 00:15:36,068 --> 00:15:39,758 - Okay, okay, my bad, go 'head, do your thang. 369 00:15:39,758 --> 00:15:41,793 - You know, I don't like your attitude, buddy, 370 00:15:41,793 --> 00:15:44,034 go 'head and step out of the car for me, come on. 371 00:15:44,034 --> 00:15:45,655 - Am I being detained, Officer? 372 00:15:45,655 --> 00:15:47,413 - No, you're not. 373 00:15:47,413 --> 00:15:48,793 - Am I being arrested? 374 00:15:48,793 --> 00:15:51,241 - Well, not yet, but I need your cooperation. 375 00:15:51,241 --> 00:15:53,517 Go 'head and step out of the car for me, please. 376 00:15:53,517 --> 00:15:56,448 - You see, if I would just show him some Southern hospitality, 377 00:15:56,448 --> 00:15:58,103 I'd be on the road by now. 378 00:15:58,103 --> 00:16:00,000 - Will you just stick to role play? 379 00:16:00,000 --> 00:16:01,931 - Alright, alright, okay. - Come on. 380 00:16:01,931 --> 00:16:03,413 - Okay, Officer. - Come on. 381 00:16:03,413 --> 00:16:05,137 - I'm getting out the car, I'm getting out the car. 382 00:16:05,137 --> 00:16:08,034 - I.D., please, thank you. 383 00:16:08,034 --> 00:16:10,482 Where you from, sir? - ATL. 384 00:16:10,482 --> 00:16:14,551 - Oh-wee, you a long way from home now ain't you? 385 00:16:14,551 --> 00:16:15,931 - Yep, I'm traveling across country 386 00:16:15,931 --> 00:16:17,551 with the mother of my child. 387 00:16:17,551 --> 00:16:19,172 - Boy or a girl? 388 00:16:19,172 --> 00:16:20,655 - We're waiting to be surprised. 389 00:16:20,655 --> 00:16:22,724 - Oh, I got a pair of girls myself, 390 00:16:22,724 --> 00:16:24,620 joy of my life. [chuckles] 391 00:16:24,620 --> 00:16:26,344 You know, I--every traffic stop, 392 00:16:26,344 --> 00:16:29,206 I think about if I'm gon' make it back home to see 'em again. 393 00:16:29,206 --> 00:16:32,275 - That's crazy, I'm thinking the same exact thing right now. 394 00:16:32,275 --> 00:16:36,724 - [laughs] You know what, I like you, buddy, 395 00:16:36,724 --> 00:16:38,413 you're free to go. 396 00:16:38,413 --> 00:16:40,206 Drive safe, here's your I.D. 397 00:16:40,206 --> 00:16:41,103 - Well, thank you. 398 00:16:41,103 --> 00:16:43,034 You see, that's how it's done. 399 00:16:43,034 --> 00:16:44,448 - Hey. 400 00:16:49,241 --> 00:16:52,275 - LISA: [clears throat] Uh, this baby wearing me out. 401 00:16:52,275 --> 00:16:54,827 Aww, Calvin, you don't wanna see your little cousin go? 402 00:16:54,827 --> 00:16:56,379 - Um, actually, it's just the opposite, 403 00:16:56,379 --> 00:16:58,068 I wanna help him fly away. 404 00:16:58,068 --> 00:17:00,344 Now, y'all make sure y'all got enough money, 405 00:17:00,344 --> 00:17:01,793 pack your survival kit, 406 00:17:01,793 --> 00:17:04,068 don't let your gas get below 2/3 of a tank, 407 00:17:04,068 --> 00:17:06,620 and plan your hotel stops ahead of time. 408 00:17:06,620 --> 00:17:08,103 - Okay, we gotcha, thanks, Cuzzo. 409 00:17:08,103 --> 00:17:10,000 - All good, love ya, bruh. 410 00:17:10,000 --> 00:17:11,448 - Love you, too, man. 411 00:17:11,448 --> 00:17:12,931 - ♪ 412 00:17:12,931 --> 00:17:15,724 - And it was nice talking to you, too. 413 00:17:15,724 --> 00:17:18,758 - And, uh, peace and love, my brother, Wakanda forever. 414 00:17:18,758 --> 00:17:21,172 - [audience laughs] 415 00:17:21,172 --> 00:17:23,310 - Click it off. - [mocks] Wakanda forever. 416 00:17:23,310 --> 00:17:25,379 - Floyd, I cannot believe you did not say anything 417 00:17:25,379 --> 00:17:26,896 to those people. 418 00:17:26,896 --> 00:17:29,931 - Well, I think they still mixed up my DNA results. 419 00:17:29,931 --> 00:17:32,275 They trying to make me feel like I'm weird. 420 00:17:32,275 --> 00:17:34,551 - C.J.: Floyd, Africans have been in Ireland 421 00:17:34,551 --> 00:17:36,793 since the 18th century. 422 00:17:36,793 --> 00:17:38,827 You not weird, you're unique. 423 00:17:38,827 --> 00:17:41,068 - And we appreciate everything about you. 424 00:17:41,068 --> 00:17:43,172 It's not where you're from, it's where you're at. 425 00:17:43,172 --> 00:17:46,758 - C.J.: Yeah, and, um, you can always visit us here 426 00:17:46,758 --> 00:17:49,827 under the roof of Queen Ella. 427 00:17:49,827 --> 00:17:51,689 - [laughs] - Bow down! 428 00:17:51,689 --> 00:17:53,448 - Bow down. 429 00:17:53,448 --> 00:17:55,275 Royalty is in the building. 430 00:17:55,275 --> 00:17:56,931 I feel like I want some rose petals, 431 00:17:56,931 --> 00:17:59,689 I wanna walk on some rose petals. [giggles] 432 00:17:59,689 --> 00:18:02,206 - Y'all walking on my last damn nerve. 433 00:18:02,206 --> 00:18:03,275 - Floyd-- 434 00:18:03,275 --> 00:18:04,517 - MALIK: What's going on, family? 435 00:18:04,517 --> 00:18:05,793 - Hi. - Hey, hey! 436 00:18:05,793 --> 00:18:07,551 You ready to hit the road, man? 437 00:18:07,551 --> 00:18:10,172 - Cousin Calvin got us locked and loaded. 438 00:18:10,172 --> 00:18:13,793 - Yeah, I'm really excited to see Auntie Lee Ola, Uncle Bud, 439 00:18:13,793 --> 00:18:16,862 Auntie Velva, Uncle Lou, Auntie Brenda, 440 00:18:16,862 --> 00:18:19,275 Uncle Rue, Uncle Ruff. 441 00:18:19,275 --> 00:18:22,379 - [laughs] And that's just in one house. 442 00:18:22,379 --> 00:18:26,586 - Yeah, then Malik get to meet Uncle Bud, Uncle Ronnie, 443 00:18:26,586 --> 00:18:28,896 Auntie Jessica, Uncle Jessica. 444 00:18:28,896 --> 00:18:31,241 - You got an auntie and an uncle Jessica? 445 00:18:31,241 --> 00:18:33,758 - That's--that's a long story. 446 00:18:33,758 --> 00:18:35,034 - Yeah, okay. 447 00:18:35,034 --> 00:18:36,655 - Uncle Jessica? 448 00:18:38,896 --> 00:18:41,103 - Yo family tree got a lot of life. 449 00:18:41,103 --> 00:18:43,068 - Speaking of life, how was the DNA results? 450 00:18:43,068 --> 00:18:45,689 - I am an African queen! 451 00:18:45,689 --> 00:18:47,551 - Shut up! 452 00:18:47,551 --> 00:18:49,896 - Yes, please. 453 00:18:49,896 --> 00:18:51,172 - What about you, Dad? 454 00:18:51,172 --> 00:18:53,551 - C.J.: Oh, well, your dad got, 455 00:18:53,551 --> 00:18:56,241 uh, African and Native American. 456 00:18:56,241 --> 00:19:00,655 Your pops got DNA from different area codes and continents, 457 00:19:00,655 --> 00:19:02,655 holla. 458 00:19:02,655 --> 00:19:04,655 - And what about you, Floyd? 459 00:19:04,655 --> 00:19:06,448 - My results came back negative. 460 00:19:07,275 --> 00:19:09,068 - How is that even possible? 461 00:19:09,068 --> 00:19:12,793 - ELLA: He's just ashamed of his results. 462 00:19:12,793 --> 00:19:14,275 - Don't be like that, 463 00:19:14,275 --> 00:19:15,724 when I got my results back, 464 00:19:15,724 --> 00:19:18,655 I was surprised to see that I was 91% European 465 00:19:18,655 --> 00:19:20,379 and nine percent African. 466 00:19:21,793 --> 00:19:22,862 - What? - [chuckles] 467 00:19:22,862 --> 00:19:24,379 - Wh--what'd you say? 468 00:19:24,379 --> 00:19:27,068 - Did you say 91%? - LISA: Yeah. 469 00:19:27,068 --> 00:19:29,448 - And--and nine percent? - Mm-hm. 470 00:19:29,448 --> 00:19:32,482 - Why is that so important? - ELLA: Um-mm. 471 00:19:32,482 --> 00:19:34,586 [laughs] 472 00:19:34,586 --> 00:19:37,862 - What's even crazier is that I'm 19% Irish. 473 00:19:37,862 --> 00:19:39,034 - ELLA: Oh! 474 00:19:39,862 --> 00:19:41,275 - This can't be. - [laughs] 475 00:19:41,275 --> 00:19:43,896 - It can't be. [laughs] - What? 476 00:19:43,896 --> 00:19:46,241 - You and Floyd might be kin. 477 00:19:47,068 --> 00:19:48,724 - No! - Nothing-- 478 00:19:48,724 --> 00:19:49,620 - FLOYD: No! 479 00:19:50,862 --> 00:19:52,000 No! 480 00:19:52,793 --> 00:19:54,310 No! 481 00:20:01,758 --> 00:20:03,000 - Woo-woo! 482 00:20:04,931 --> 00:20:07,068 Hey, who little homie over there? 483 00:20:09,034 --> 00:20:11,172 You don't know him, I don't know him? 484 00:20:11,172 --> 00:20:13,551 Oh, cuz. 485 00:20:13,551 --> 00:20:14,724 - [audience laughs] 486 00:20:14,724 --> 00:20:16,482 - What up, homie? 487 00:20:16,482 --> 00:20:18,137 Who is you, where you from? 488 00:20:18,137 --> 00:20:20,379 You know where you at, homeboy? 489 00:20:20,379 --> 00:20:23,137 Who you know, who you know, homeboy? 490 00:20:23,137 --> 00:20:24,896 Oh, you know Lil Foosball and 'nem? 491 00:20:24,896 --> 00:20:26,379 Oh, you don't know Lil Foosball and 'nem. 492 00:20:26,379 --> 00:20:28,931 Oh, cuz, you in the wrong hood, cuz, 493 00:20:28,931 --> 00:20:30,655 you in the wrong hood. 494 00:20:30,655 --> 00:20:34,103 Got all that brown on, I don't know about you, homeboy. 495 00:20:34,103 --> 00:20:35,448 Oh, oh, you think this a game, 496 00:20:35,448 --> 00:20:37,068 you think this-- you think this a game? 497 00:20:37,068 --> 00:20:38,517 Do you know who you messing with? 498 00:20:38,517 --> 00:20:41,068 You don't know who you messing with, cuz, oh! 499 00:20:41,068 --> 00:20:43,482 Oh, watch the feet, cuz. 500 00:20:43,482 --> 00:20:44,862 You--oh--what, what? 501 00:20:44,862 --> 00:20:46,482 Did I hear you--what? 502 00:20:46,482 --> 00:20:48,793 Huh? What? 503 00:20:48,793 --> 00:20:51,137 Cuz, what, you's a trippin', cuz. 504 00:20:51,896 --> 00:20:53,482 Okay, then, get over there then. 505 00:20:55,275 --> 00:20:59,275 Cuz in the wrong hood, I don't even know about that. 506 00:20:59,275 --> 00:21:00,655 He trippin'. 507 00:21:00,655 --> 00:21:02,551 - [audience laughs] 508 00:21:32,551 --> 00:21:34,103 - ♪ 509 00:21:36,448 --> 00:21:37,482 - ♪ 510 00:21:39,034 --> 00:21:42,482 - ♪ 37696

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