Original subtitles

- ♪

- Floyd! - [shriek]

- [coughs] Ella.

- [laughing]

- Don't be creeping up on me like that,

thought the police was after me.

- Now, why would the police want you?

- Because it's a crime feeling this fine. [chuckling]

- Floyd, I thought you were coming over here

to help get the lawn in order. - I did.

I just gassed up the lawn mower and the leaf blower,

and I'm taking a well-deserved break.

- Well, since you're not busy at the moment,

I was just thinking-- - FLOYD: Oh, Lord!

Every time you get to thinking,

that means that there's something else

that needs to be getting done.

- Actually, I was thinking about planning something fun.

- Oh, so, you ready to do that Zumba class with me

that I been talking about, right?

- Yeah, no, hmm-mm.

I was thinking of planning something fun for the family.

- Oh, them.

- You can come, too, if you're available.

- Mm-hmm, well, you know, oh... look at the time,

you know what, I got something to do that day.

- What day? You don't even know when.

- You right. - ELLA: Right,

so, I just wanna run some ideas by you.

So, I was thinking-- - What's up, Floyd?

Hey, Ma. - Hey, what's up, Calvin?

- Where's the pie you wanted me to take to C.J.'s?

- You're just in time, Calvin. - Mm, let's go!

Come on, run, Calvin!

- You know what, on second thought,

diabetes is one of the leading cause of death in America,

bye-bye. - Calvin! Come back.

Sit, sit, sit, sit, sit, sit, sit, sit, sit.

- This close. - [chuckles]

- I wanted to plan a fun family day,

and I need your input.

'K, so I was thinking we could all get together,

and watch this new documentary about churches in the South.

- Not fun, Ma.

- Okay, well, we can deliver lunches to the homeless

in the park.

- [speaking sarcastically] Oh god, this gon' be fun.

- Really? - Yeah.

No, not really.

- Yeah, last time we did that, it was like the "Hunger Games."

I felt like I was gon' get knifed

after the last ham sandwich.

- Fine...but I think you just had something right there.

We can have game night... here...tomorrow.

- Now that sounds fun. - Really?

[chuckles] Exciting! I'm excited.

So, we can have food, order snacks,

and, uh, we can make a little party out of it.

- Just as long as you know who

isn't a sore loser again.

You know how competitive he gets once I start winning.

- Once you start winning?

Calvin, the only thing you got to worry about tomorrow,

is when I start whooping that ass.

- Who? You?

- Yes, sir. - Let's not forget what happened

with the "Good Times" trivia night.

- You know I tripped.

- No, no, no, no, Floyd,

you kicked the board across the room

because you were losing.

And I still cannot find Willona, Bookman,

or Alderman Davis.

I can't find those game pieces anywhere.

- Damn, damn, damn, Floyd!

- You gon' let him cuss in front of you like that?

- [scoffs] Please. Yes, game night!

- ♪

♪

♪♪

- Come on.

- What's up, Floyd? - Ah! Got to be mo'...

What are y'all, a family of ninjas or something?

Y'all just like sneaking up on people?

- Okay, is something wrong with the leaf blower?

- No! Absolutely not.

No, it's actually-- it's actually great.

- Okay, well, I'm headed over to C.J.'s house

to help him with something on the computer,

I could take it back if you're done.

- You know what, that's a great idea.

As a matter of fact, yes, you return it to him.

- [tablet dings]

- What was that? - Oh, oh, that was nothing.

Uh, this guy, Keeping It Real 227,

he always probably posted something new,

or something like that. - Who is that?

- Oh, you--

Oh, did you hear about that apartment fire

that everybody's up in arms with last week?

You know, the one that C.J.'s firehouse went to go to?

- Yeah, they still talking about that,

that was a week ago.

- Yeah, yeah, but a lot of people

think that is was bungled.

This dude has been going in on C.J. online.

I mean, posting a whole bunch of funny memes and everything.

- I wonder if C.J. knows about this.

- Oh, I'm sure he does

'cuz, you know, you can see some of his responses right there.

- Oh wow. - Mm.

- This guy's got a thousand followers.

- Yep. - [laughing]

C.J.'s gon' have to do better than a mad face emoji.

- [laughing] Right. - Oh, but look at this,

he--he gave one of his haters the praise hands emoji.

- Yeah, I know, that's whack, right?

- How do--how do you know so much about this,

I didn't know you was on social media?

- Well--well, I--I like to keep my identity a secret.

Yeah, yeah, 'cuz I don't want everybody all in my browser,

you understand?

And crowding my chat room and everything.

But the DMs, now that's a different story.

- I get it. - Yeah, I got this one girl--

- See ya, Floyd. - I think her name is Juicy Jin.

- Oh my god, Lisa!

- I'm so sorry.

Wait...oh, what is that?

- Oh, that's birth, Malik. - [woman on TV in labor screams]

That's how your baby getting here,

and it's a beautiful thing.

- If by beautiful, you mean horrifying.

- [doorbell rings]

- Oh, damn, saved by the bell.

- [woman on TV screaming]

- Why I always gotta get the door?

- 'Cuz I'm carrying your big-head baby.

- And I'm carrying yo-- never mind.

- What's up? - Hey, y'all.

- Hey, Calvin, my man.

- C.J., I put your leaf blower in front of the garage,

and here's the pie Mom made for you guys.

- Oh, thanks, man.

- Come on, let's go upstairs, I'm tired of watching this.

- Oh, speaking of Mom,

she wants everybody there tomorrow for game night.

- Oh, sure, yeah, man, that sounds like fun.

I definitely could use some of that.

- Everything been alright?

- Ach, man, I been--I been on this thing all night, man.

You know, I been looking at these posts

about the apartment fire.

Can you believe they blaming me for this,

like I started the damn thing?

- Well, didn't you fail to put it out?

Yeah, that's neither here nor there,

what you need help with?

- I been trying to defend myself online,

but this thing stop letting me post stuff.

- Oh, okay, no problem, I'll show you an algorithm

that show you exactly when to post,

and who to tag to reach the maximum amount of people.

- Eh, eh, eh, man, no, no, no. All I was trying to do

was put an angry emoji next to people's post.

- Oh yeah, Floyd and I were looking at some of those posts,

but, eh, I did see you put the praise hands

for one of your haters, way to rise above it, man.

- Put praise hands?

- No, no, no, no, no, no, I was saying,

"I'ma have to put these hands on you

if you don't stop talking stuff."

- Yeah, man, there's no emoji for that.

- Maybe you need to invent one.

Eh, there's this one dude, Keeping It Real 227,

he really getting on my nerves.

- Yeah, Floyd did mention him.

- Man, this dude don't know the first thing

about fire fighting,

and he trying to tell me how to do my job.

Worst thing is, people are listening to him,

and if they don't quiet down,

the Commissioner's Office is gonna get involved,

and I don't want that kind of scrutiny.

- Well, you know, Floyd did know an awful lot about him,

maybe he knows who it is.

But then again, if he's anything like Floyd,

he's probably keeping his internet identity secret.

- What you mean?

- Oh, you know, Floyd being Floyd,

he's got a secret internet identity.

- Hm, I wonder--

- What is it?

- You think that Keeping It Real 227

could possibly be Floyd?

- Mm, well, he was acting really weird

when I went to pick up the leaf blower,

but, nah, man, Floyd wouldn't do nothing like that to you.

- Mm-hmm, well we'll see about that.

- ♪

- Come on, come on, come on. - LISA: Uh...um...

- I'm not on your team. - Uh...

- Skinny people dancing at a party.

- Nah, nah, that's Booger-teen them's club.

- MALIK: Uh, dancing?

- LAURA: Seventeen-seventy-six war,

the Declaration of Independence! - MALIK: Yeah.

- LAURA: Uh, okay, uh... - [timer beeps]

- I--I can'tnot tell.

- And...time.

- [laughing]

- Loser!

- "Hamilton," the musical.

- "Hamilton," babe?

That was the best you could do?

That was-- - C.J., come on!

- FLOYD: C.J., up! - It's our turn.

- Is that a star? - Yeah.

- ELLA: You're up, you're up. C.J., you're drawing.

- You know, he's always been artsy.

- [laughing]

Let's see what you got 'cuz. - Alright.

- FLOYD: It's not too much time. - Wait!

- Alright. - Okay.

- Alright.

- A mountain?

- Uh...uh... foot in mouth disease!

- Er...

Oh, a mountain. - FLOYD: Nope.

- Lip injections.

- Come on, man, you run out of time.

- FLOYD: Oh! - ELLA: Well, C.J.--

- FLOYD: I know what it is, it's my ex with the motor mouth.

- Talk in circles. - ELLA: The--the circle of--

- LAURA: Emoji.

- ELLA: Around, around.

- A fetus? - Us.

- No. - ELLA: It's an ear.

From my mouth to God's ear.

- Yes! Hallelu--no?

- FLOYD: Okay, no?

- [timer beeps] - Ah!

- Ah! No!

- Well, what the hell was it? - Secrets...

as in, people in this house been keeping too many secrets.

- How the hell is that secrets? - C.J.: See?

- [mumbling]

- Oh, you know what,

um, let's, uh, take a break, Ella.

- Yes.

- FLOYD: Let's go, alright.

Hey, bruh, can I holla at you for a second, man?

Is there something you need to tell me?

- No, like what?

I don't know nothing 'bout nothing.

- What--

eh, man, I don't know nothing about anything,

it wasn't me. - I never said it was.

- ELLA: Ah! It's a tie, so we've got to play another game.

- Okay, alright. - Let's go to the next game.

- Alright.

- [knock on door]

- FLOYD: You expecting somebody? - ELLA: Okay.

- Hey-- - Hey!

- Family.

- Oh, Mir--

- Are you guys having family game night?

- ELLA: Um... - Without me?

- ♪

- Miranda! Hi, come on in.

Come, come, come, come, come on in.

Come on.

- I was just returning your casserole dish,

and I made you a banana pudding.

- That's so sweet. - Yes.

- ELLA: I bet it's sweet. Thank you, thank you.

- I'll take it. - Thank you, Malik.

- So, what are you guys playing?

- Oh, we--we weren't playing nothing.

[chuckles] Just a bible thing.

- Oh well then, what's-- what's this?

- Willona! We've been looking for her.

- Yes. - Welcome home.

- [nervous laughter]

- Mom, can I speak to you?

- ELLA: We'll be right back.

[clearing throat]

- Do you know anything about Miranda showing up?

Floyd, do you?

- As interesting as this is about to be, no.

- Mom?

- Calvin, did you see she brought your favorite,

a banana pudding?

- That is what that was, huh? No, Mom, focus.

- Calvin, I did not call her.

- Mm-hmm.

Text her? - No.

- Email her?

- No, I did not email her either.

That--alright, let me tell you something, I am the mother--

- Okay, okay, okay, let's just calm down.

Now, look, what the question is, are we gonna allow her to stay

with that delicious banana pudding,

or are you gonna send her on her way

without that delicious banana pudding?

- Not helping. - Hm?

- Not helping.

- Okay, so who's gonna tell her she needs to leave?

- Oh, pick me, pick me.

- No, no!

Calvin, we can't do that!

- Look, I just don't think it's a good idea for her to be here.

Her and Laura in the same room, and I'm just sitting there

looking like a big ol' chocolate trophy.

- Uh, family will always be family.

Just because you stopped loving her,

does not mean that we have.

- By, 'we', she means her.

- Why are you in here?

Why are you here?

- Just came to get some ice. - Okay.

- ELLA: Calvin, I say she stays.

- ♪

- Alright, um, mm-mm, mm-mm, not you, look, Miranda.

- Me? - ELLA: Come on, yes.

How 'bout you start? - Okay.

- Alright, Miranda. - [applauding]

- Yes!

- Cards.

- This is gonna be great.

- Don't worry, babe, I got you, we'ew in this together.

- ELLA: Okay, wait, wait, wait, wait.

And...go!

- Oh, oh, oh, oh, Calvin, that time we were in Miami,

what did we order from room service at 3 a.m.?

- Miami, room service, room service.

- You know it, you know it, you know it, it's my fave.

- Strawberries! - Yeah!

[laughing] Yes! We got it!

- Strawberries. - Strawberries.

- MIRANDA: Next one, okay. We spent the whole weekend

trying to get this out the carpet.

- Uh, uh, mustard?

- No, no, no. - Ketchup!

- No, not that time, the other time.

- Spaghetti sauce!

- No. - ELLA: Geez.

- Come on, come on, come on. - Uh, uh, uh, uh, honey!

- [shrieks] Yes, it's honey!

- [laughing]

- How about some generic clues?

- MIRANDA: Okay, um, let's see,

what's my favorite movie? - Um, uh, favorite movie, uh...

- You know that.

- I do know it, I do know it, uh...

- Come on. - "About Last Night."

- [shrieks] Night is the word. - Yes!

- ELLA: That's her favorite movie.

- That's what I'm talking about. - [laughing]

- MIRANDA: Yes!

- You guys use to watch that all the time.

- I know. - ELLA: [laughing]

- Did we wa-- - Eh, bruh, your fiancee left.

You might wanna handle that, bruh.

- Hey, you alright?

- It's just--it's weird sometimes, Calvin,

you know, this whole thing.

And Miranda and I use to be so close once.

- Yeah, us, too.

- I think she told all those stories about the two of you

to remind us of how much of a history you guys have.

- No, babe. - Yes, babe.

- Okay, come on, come on, C.J.

- What do I put out?

- Uh, fires?

- Most of the time.

- A family should have each other's?

- Backs!

Okay, Floyd, come on, you take the next one.

- Sure.

- Rhymes with shellfish, without the H.

- Selfish.

- That's all you, Floyd.

- What? - C.J.: That's all you, brother.

- What?

Uh, Ella, can we-- can we take another break?

- Yes. - I'm a little thirsty.

- C.J., can I holla at you in the kitchen?

- You can always holla at your boy.

- Come on, you can come on, man.

What's up, bruh? You know something?

- What do you think I know?

- I don't know, but you know something.

- I think I know,

but you don't want me to know about you all over the web.

- What? What, you Big Brother now?

You working for the government now?

- No.

- Um, well, must have been Calvin then.

- Yeah, he told me...everything.

Do you know what karma is, Floyd?

- Yeah, I know it.

- Everything you've done to me, I can do right back to you.

- Let me hurry up, and get this man a leaf blower

before he break me.

- Come on, baby, let's show 'em how it's done.

- Alright. - We ready, we ready.

- This is dangerous. - ELLA: Oh, wait a minute.

- MIRANDA: Oh boy! - ELLA: Oh!

- MIRANDA: Oh! - Wait.

- No, no, no.

- Getting ready for bed! - Yes!

- Yes! [laughing]

- What's y'all deal?

We like to dance before we get ready for bed.

- Exactly, we call it our bed down, get down.

- I'll go, way to go. - Okay, uh, come on, Calvin.

Come on, mm-hmm, come on.

- Ready, baby? - LAURA AND MIRANDA: Yes.

- I think he was talking to me.

- Okay, let me--

- [chuckles] - Okay.

Come on.

Time. - ELLA: And...go!

- [laughing]

- ELLA: I got this one. - Oh, I know.

Oh, I know it.

- LAURA: You gon' have to give us some more, baby.

More.

You know what it is, right?

- Yep, just trying to see how long he'll keep going.

Oh, boy.

- LAURA: Um... - MIRANDA: Your wrist hurts.

- Um, Tina Turner in some too tight heels.

- MIRANDA: And, with a crick in her neck.

- MIRANDA: Uh. [laughing]

- Um... Um, I don't know.

- [timer beeps]

- Beyonce!

- ALL: [laughing]

Oh!

- Baby, we knew exactly who it was,

we just wanted you to keep going.

- You wrong. - FLOYD: Wow.

- Okay, Floyd, come on, it's your turn.

- Alright, alright.

- Although I don't think you're gonna be able

to top that last one. - Nah, he practiced.

- ELLA: Alright, Floyd is up, and...

- Oh wow!

- ELLA: Are you ready? - Okay, alright.

- ELLA: Uh-huh. And...go!

- C.J.: I got it.

You been talking junk about me online.

- What? Fl--Floyd?

- What a minute, say what now?

- Uh, Malik, Lisa,

can you please go and check on the kids?

- Okay.

- Thank you, thank you, thank you.

So, I think a family meeting is in order here.

There's obviously some tension and some secrets.

C.J., Floyd, what's going on?

- Calvin started it.

- How you gon' put me on blast like that?

- Okay, okay, look, look, everybody,

I don't know what C.J. is talking about,

but I broke his new leaf blower.

- You what?

- You know what, this sounds like a private moment,

why don't we just, uh, go ahead and--

- Calvin!

Sit, sit, sit. Sit.

Floyd...okay, Floyd, if you broke his blower,

why didn't you just tell him, and replace it?

- Well, see, that's what I was doing yesterday,

but somebody probably saw the flyer for sale on my tablet,

and they went and snitched.

- Calvin?

- I didn't see nothing on your tablet, Floyd.

I told C.J. you had a secret internet identity,

and he thought you were Keeping It Real 227.

- And he is! And he broke my leaf blower,

and he been blowing me up online.

- Okay, first of all, I am not Keeping It Real 227.

I just like his way that he goes around with memes,

and they're funny to me, alright?

And I have you to know,

that Keeping It Real 227 just got arrested

for lighting the fire.

Yeah, yeah, the problem was,

he was trying to keep the light off himself, huh?

So, there's your karma for you.

- Vindicated!

And I will get my new leaf blower in?

- Four to five days.

- ♪

- Miranda, I think we should talk, too.

- You sure about that?

- Listen, I--I just want you to know

that neither of us set out to hurt you.

- That doesn't really matter, does it?

- Okay, I get it, I understand,

but...I'm just wondering if maybe,

somewhere down the line, we can be friends again?

- [chuckles] No.

But, apparently we will always be family.

- ♪

- ♪

- ♪

- ♪