All language subtitles for Tyler Perrys House of Payne - S10E05 - Sauce Bosses WEBDL-1080p_track3_[eng]

- Alright, now,
let's see, young buck,

we got thermometers, right?
- Yep, we got all five of them.

Uncle Curtis put 'em outside
in the van with everything else.

- Okay, check, check,
uh, utensils?

- Yep, we got tongs, spatulas,

uh, carving knifes,
basting brush,

hair brush, lint brush,
toothbrush. [chuckling]

- Look, don't play
with me today, bruh.

Look, this is like
the Super Bowl

of barbecue competitions
in Atlanta.

This is me
and Curtis' shot now.

- Okay, let me
stop you right there.

Super Bowl and Atlanta
is an oxymoron.

- Too soon, too soon, Malik.
- I'm just saying.

- Look, now after I smoke
these guys out there,

and win this thing, man,
I'm telling you,

you don't know
what I'm talking about,

you feel me?
- Ow!

Heavy handed, aren't you? Man.
I lost feeling in my arm, man.

- I think I'm going to start off
smoking some wood,

like some hickory.

And then, I think I'm gonna
put some mesquite cakes.

And then, top it off
with a little bit of oak.

- My goodness, the Amazon
rainforest is on fire,

and you're destroying trees
for a barbecue competition.

- This ain't just any
barbecue competition, boy!

Sir, this is the Peach City
National Best

barbecue competition.
The realest of the real.

- You sound just like Curtis.

- Well, I mean, I gotta
hold it down for my brother

until he gets back.
- You better hurry up, Floyd.

- Rush! Rush barbecue?

That's blasphemy, woman.
- Floyd.

- You got to smoke the wood,
then you got to smoke the meat.

Oh no, you cannot
rush barbecue,

you understand what I'm saying?

- Floyd, blasphemy
is sacrilegious unto God.

- And to barbecue.

- You coming to the contest,
Auntie Ella?

- [scoffing] No, but evidently
my Dutch oven is.

- Um, no, it's not,

we cracked it last night
when we were making the sauce.

- Floyd?
- Huh?

- I know you did not
crack my Dutch oven.

- So, you just ain't learnt
the bro code, huh?

- Damn, you ain't never been
to the neighborhood, son?

Huh, young buck?

- Floyd?
- Hm?

- I know you--
you--[grunting]--

I know you did not
crack my Dutch oven.

You are worse than Curtis.

- I had to scorch my tomatoes
last night, and look,

I can't heat up vinegar
in--in no steel pot and stuff.

- Floyd, I don't
wanna hear that.

I don't need
a cooking lesson, Paula Mean.

I need my Dutch oven!

- Okay, look, as soon as
I smoke these guys out,

and I win this prize,

I'm gon' buy you the top
of the line Dutch oven.

- Mm-hmm.

- No, matter fact,
I'ma take you to Dutchland.

Yeah, where the Dutch live.

- I think you mean
the Netherlands.

- [chuckling]
- [laughing]

- ♪

♪♪

- How's your injury?
- [groaning]

- How's your injury, baby?

- Getting better,
getting better.

- Good.
- What is this?

This is Floyd and Uncle Curtis'
barbecue sauce?

- Yes, every single jar,
and there's more in here.

- Remind me to invest
in a dialysis clinic.

- [exhaling]

- Oh, how did it go?

- Nothing good
will come from this.

- Do what I asked
you to do, Malik.

- What's going on?
- I ain't gon' ask you again.

- Ladies and gentlemen,
please put your hands together

for the newest--
- Ah, ah, ah, no, he didn't.

- Barbecuest.
- You got to be kidding me.

- Pit Master.
- [scoffing]

- Smoke stacker,
barbecue alabaster.

- Wa--watch it.
- Second place winner, Floyd.

- Floyd.

- Oh, oh!

I specifically told you, Malik,

to have me some theme music
on my entrance,

didn't I tell you that?
- Yeah.

- Didn't we discuss this?
- You did.

You want me to play the "We're
not the champions,"

because the judges
got food poisoning?

- [indistinct whispering]

- Floyd?
- Hm?

- You out here serving
mad cow in these streets?

- No, he turned
his submission in late.

By time the judges got to him,
they were already sick.

He got second by default.

- I told you,
I told you, Floyd.

I knew you were gon' be late.

- I wasn't late,
I just forgot something.

- What did you forget,
Pit Master?

- Matches.

The Pit Master
forgot his matches.

- Well, look, you're looking
at the GOAT of barbecue.

[chuckling]

- [cell phone ringing]

- Hello?

- If GOAT stand for
Getting Old And Tired.

- [laughing]
- [laughs]

- Yeah, this is he, yeah.
You saw me?

Yeah, I saw you, too.

- Yeah, oh, this who?
Oh, okay.

Really?

Alright then,
I'll holla at you later.

Yeah, DM me, yeah.

Bye.

- Them people want their
participation trophy back,

don't they?

- No, King Hater.

That actually was a sponsor
from the barbecue competition.

They wanna buy our secret sauce
and mass produce it.

Oh!
- No way.

- Yes, way.
- Wait, so, we 'bout to be rich?

- [chuckling] Oh, you speak
French now, oui, oui?

No, I, I am going to be
rich rich.

- Okay, uh, Christian's
taking a nap,

I'll be back in a few hours.

Um, you never had all those
decorative pillows on your bed

when we were married.

- Oh, well, I like
to lie next to soft things.

- Oh, sounds like you miss me.

- Uh, I gotta get to my
parents' house for a meeting,

so how long
before you get back?

- Oh, um, well, I guess I'll
just pick him up from there,

because the gun show
isn't over until late.

- The gun show, huh?

That's what you call
your new man?

- Um, no, that's what
I call the gun show.

I'm gonna buy a firearm.
- Girl, stop playing,

if you going to see
your jump off, just say so.

- Okay, I'm gonna go
see my jump off.

- Wait, you got
a jump off for real?

- Oh, yes, and his name
is 9 millimeter 380.

- You're serious?
- Yeah.

- Since when did you
become little Annie Oakley?

- Uh, since I'm living on my own
with my son

that I need to protect.
- I'll protect our kids.

- With what, decorative pillows?

- No, I'll start swinging by,
and I pray for them every night.

- We pray every night,
but that's not enough.

- Miranda, where
is this coming from?

- Have you seen
the news recently?

Black woman, we are being
dragged from our cars,

and shot in our sleep.

- Which is exactly why
I forbid you having a gun

in the house with my kid.

- Oh, excuse me,
is my name Anna Mae Bullock?

Because you don't forbid me
from doing anything.

And that is exactly why
I'm gonna get protection

for my house, for me and my son.
- Miranda, wait.

She don' lost her mind talking
about my decorative pillows.

- ♪

- Now, look, I don' already
ordered

your
Aunt Ella three Dutch ovens.

- ELLA: Thank you!
- Now, what you want, C.J.?

A mail order bride. [chuckling]

- Actually, I wouldn't mind
having a barbecue sauce.

- I got you covered, nephew.

Look, as a matter of fact,
when our ship comes in,

Curtis and I gon' give you
a lifetime supply.

Matter fact, I'ma give you
an IV drip full of the sauce.

- No, what I mean is,

I want the sauce
to stay in the family.

- Oh, it is,
as a matter of fact,

I even thought of a name
to put on the bottle,

Curtis and Floyd's
The Sauce Bosses.

- Wow!
- Wow is right.

I wanna know why my family's
name is not on the bottles,

I mean, it is our recipe.
- Wait a minute.

You mean to tell me

you are selling my
Aunt Ella's family sauce?

- Man, we took her family's
bootleg ketchup sauce,

and we put our
own little spin on it.

- You put nutmeg in it
by accident.

- Dr. Lonnie Johnson invented
the super soaker water gun

by accident,
that's what we geniuses do.

- It might just be me,

but I don't think
you should sell out.

I mean, how is that
gonna benefit our families?

- What's up, Pit Master?

- Just the man
I was looking for.

Look, I found a new condo
that I really like,

you and Uncle Curtis
still giving me cash, right?

- This is how it benefits
our families.

- Y'all are buying
this boy a condo?

- And I get three
funky little Dutch ovens?

- Well, that's what
you asked for.

- Floyd.
- You have not 'cuz you ask not.

- I did not know

that you were playing Oprah
with the condominiums.

You get a condo,
you get a condo,

and you get a condo.

- Dad, just think about all
the things that you could do

once Floyd and Uncle Curtis
pay your house off.

- Wait, wait, wait, wait,
wait, wait a minute!

So, you're gonna pay
C.J.'s house off,

and I get Dutch ovens?

- No, no, I do not want him
to pay my house off,

I mean, unless you want to.

What I want

is for black people to stop
selling our culture.

- Oh, but this ain't
for the culture,

this is for Curtis and Floyd's
The Sauce Bosses.

- Is that what y'all calling it?

You might wanna work on that,
that's a little trash.

- C.J.: Look at the landscape
of this country,

sports, music, fashion, food,

Black folks
set the trends for everything,

but we don't own any of it.
- Slow down, Cornel West,

what about, uh, the
clothing line started by--

- Sold it!

- We still own that
entertainment franchise.

- Sold it for a billion dollars.

- Did you say billion
with a B.

- Yes, with a B.

Also stands for
Black folks don't own enough,

but we the curators
of damn near everything.

- Well, you right,
I mean, it's just like

we're on all these
social media platforms,

but we don't own any of them.

- Look, Floyd, I can't tell you
and Uncle Curtis what to do,

but just think about it.
- Well, I wish you had given me

this rich dad, poor uncle
lecture about an hour ago.

- Why?

- Because I've already
signed the contract

and emailed it back.
It's a done deal.

- Oh, it's done already, so
are y'all gon' wire transfer,

or give me a check
for the condo?

- I'ma buy you some condoms,
Mr. Baby Daddy.

- Oh, well, clearly
don't use those anyway.

- ♪

- Hey, Pops.

Oh, hey, Floyd.
- Hey, what's happening, nephew?

- Where's my pops?
- Oh, now you know

your daddy is still on his
southern barbecue tour, alright?

That man is not playing
about his research.

- Damn!

- Look, nephew,
I got you covered now.

Any part of this barbecue sauce
empire that you want,

you can have now.

- Wait, now that's real?

- Curtis and Floyd's
The Sauce Bosses, oh yeah.

- Okay, that name is trash,

but the fact
that you're selling it is dope.

- See, you get me, nephew.

You see what I'm saying,
you get me.

Now, you don't think
I'm selling out, do you?

- Nah, nah,
businesses get bought,

that's how generational
wealth is made.

- See what I'm saying?

See, now--now you talking
real stuff right there, nephew.

Now, you talking alright, now.

- And--and we been
held back a long time.

Now, John Davidson whiskey--
- FLOYD: Oh.

- --he stole that recipe
from a slave.

- Get out of here.
- CALVIN: Mm-hmm.

- You know, that's some
of my favorite hooch there.

- And soul food ain't nothing
but scraps that was left out

for poor people.
- Come on.

- Now, all of a sudden,
it's called Southern Cuisine.

- Mm.
- I say go get your bag, Floyd.

You deserve it.
- Yes, sir.

Matter fact, I'ma gonna be the
Joe Kennedy of this family.

- Nah, you can be better.
- What's that?

- He made his fortune
from bootlegging,

your sauce is legit.
- Too legit!

You know what I'm saying?

You know what, I'm 'bout
to go get that bag, homie.

- Hey, it's your reparations.
- I'ma do whatever it takes

to protect and take care
of my family

by any means necessary.

- Yeah, a man's gotta
protect his family

by any means necessary.

- So, what was it that you
wanted to talk to me about?

- Oh, you just answered
my every question, Floyd.

- Without you even asking me?

Now see, that's a prophet,
prophet right there.

- No, that's terrible.
- Hm?

- But your creative
branding is trash.

- Oh, oh, okay.
- So, it's like that.

- Okay.

- Why didn't
anybody help Floyd

with the name
of his barbecue sauce?

- Sell-out sauce
was already trademarked.

- Calvin, when is Miranda
coming to get my grandbaby?

- Annie Oakley should be
here in a little bit.

- Why you call her that?

- Miranda's getting a heater.
- What? What she get, a nine?

- Well, what's wrong
with the heater at her place?

- What make her feel like
she need a hammer?

- She said she gotta have one.

In fact, she's talking
about getting two.

- Well, what she gon' do
with two hammers?

Calvin, help the girl.

If there's something
over there broken,

go over there, and fix it.

- So, you gon'
let her get a strap?

- I'm trying to figure out
how to stop her.

- A strap, a strap, a strap?
Is she beating my grandbaby?

- Mom, we're talking
about a gun.

Miranda's buying a gun.

- Oh, well, why didn't
you just say a piece?

[laughing]

- [chuckling] 'Cuz this ain't
"Uptown Saturday Night."

- She feels like
since she's alone,

she needs to protect herself
and Christian.

- Well, she has a point.
But does she really need a gat?

Don't tell me you don't
know what a gat is?

- I think it might
be a little extreme,

but, I mean, I understand
where she's coming from,

it's crazy out here.

- I don't approve
of guns in the house.

But, there are many women
in my family

who never, never, never
left home without a noisemaker.

- Okay, so you're saying I'm
suppose to be okay with this?

- You know, there are a lot
of female firefighters

that belong to gun clubs.

They even got Ladies Day
at the gun range.

- ELLA: Yes.
- It's a new day now, cuz.

- No, I don't want my wife--

mother of my child,
sleeping in a house with a gun,

it's too dangerous.
- What's too dangerous?

- Miranda wants a piece.
- Why she want a nine?

- That's exactly what I said.
- That's what Aleoa use to take.

She use to carry
that everywhere.

- How is everybody
okay with this?

- I, for one,
am not okay with this,

but she is a grown woman
at home alone with a child.

I pray for y'all, I pray for
all of y'all every night.

- Thank you,
that's what I told her.

- [knock at door]
- I'll get it.

- Thank you. [chuckling]

- Um, I just got
a delivery confirmation email

for a safety whistle,
um, pepper spray,

and a pink camo carrying case,
did you order this?

- You're welcome.

- Are you delusional?

I'm not trying to go
to a woman's march or protest,

I'm trying not
to get dragged in an alley.

- Hey, Miranda.
- You got the strap?

- Hey, you wanna be a little
more subtle next time?

- Oh, my bad,

um, by any chance did you happen
to acquire a colloquialism

for a firearm?

- Okay, I did not come here
to get judged, okay?

And to answer your question,
no, I didn't buy a gun.

- Oh, I knew she would
do the right thing, look at God.

- Instead, I applied for
my concealed carry permit.

- What, are you insane?

You plan to walk around
with my kid and a gun?

- How long before
you get your permit?

- Long enough for me
to get full custody,

I hope.
- Calvin!

- Miranda, now,
we have a history

of gun violence in this family.
Calvin was shot, almost died.

It's just a sensitive subject.

- Look, I don't know
if you remember,

but I was sitting on C.J.'s
floor bleeding to death.

- Are you serious?
How could I forget.

I was standing at the church

with our son when it happened.

I was waiting for you to come,

but instead of
christening our son,

I had to think about
what life would be like

if I had to raise him by myself

because I was afraid
that I was gonna lose you.

And I don't ever want
to be that vulnerable again.

- Miranda, it--it's not about
being vulnerable,

it's about we just wanna make
sure you and Christian are safe.

- And I agree.
I've been watching videos,

and I'm even getting a
membership to the gun range,

and I'm gonna teach
Christian all about firearms.

- Oh, how you gonna do that?
- Oh, I, um...

I got him a gun.
- Oh!

- Oh, she crazy!

- It's not real.

It's okay because I'm taking
a gun safety class,

and don't worry, you know,
he's not gonna get it.

But even if he does,

it's okay
because it won't even dis--

Oh!

- ♪

- Hey, I'm sorry
I shot you in the face.

- You got good aim.

- I wasn't aiming.

I don't enjoy
being a single mom.

- Miranda, I'ma always
be there for you.

- Say that again.

- I want the kids to be safe.

And I don't want you
to feel vulnerable.

- Calvin, what does
that look like to you?

- Being there for you
and Christian.

- Being where?
- Wherever I'm needed.

- ♪

- [sighing]

- Oh, that's lovely.
Oh, yes, I'm excited, too.

Looking forward to it,
can't wait.

Bye.
- ELLA: Floyd.

- Hm?
- Who was that on the phone?

- Oh, yeah, that was the, uh,
sauce distributor

and everything.
- What she say?

- I've decided that we are not
going to sell our secret sauce.

- Okay, and what did she say?
- Hm?

- Floyd!

- [sighing] She said she gon'
sue us for everything we got.

But...I offered her a deal
that she could not refuse.

- What she say, Floyd?
- I offered her a deal

to where I would give her
a minority ownership

in our new restaurant!

- What new restaurant?

- Oh, you're gonna
love it, Ella.

It is simply genius.
You're gonna love it.

- I'm not listening to this.

- What are you talking--
where you going?

- I'm going
to get Miranda's gun,

and I'm gon' shoot
that barbecue grill.

- Why you wanna shoot my grill?

- It didn't do anything to you.

This my baby.
Oh, geez!

- ♪

- ♪

- ♪

- ♪