Original subtitles

Previously on Clean Slate...

- Desmond? - I'm your daughter, Desiree.

From what I recall, you were all about resisting all the pretty ladies.

"Come out, live your truth."

Sure you want to leave?

A girl's gotta do what a girl's gotta do.

Desiree, don't leave!

- That your daddy? - He's fighting for me.

Desiree, have you met Mack? He just got out of prison.

- Welcome back, Desiree. - What's your pronoun sitch?

I like this one.

Des is back, and he wants to say hello.

It's "she," Dad.

Mom, that's a freebie. Next one, I'm charging him five bucks.

You see, we tie our own chakras into knots

contorting to surroundings that don't match our energy force!

Say that again in English, Desmond. Crap! Desiree.

- Jar. - Gimme time. Shit.

Dang it.

Dr. Vera Rishi Guerrera believes that, while I'm here,

I should construct a cocoon that feeds my soul.

She calls it the soft landing.

Girl, Metamucil made my soft landings a thing of the past.

So it's time to declutter.

We can start by replacing that eyesore on the wall.

Eyesore? That's a tasteful, enduring masterwork,

created on the finest velvet, and sold to me

on one of the finest off-ramps in Birmingham.

It's hideous. Not to mention, you can't have a Last Supper of Soul

without Beyoncé as Jesus, of course.

Well, hell, Ray Charles is clearly Jesus,

and you can't have no alive Jesus.

Beyoncé is still roaming the earth.

Beyoncé is "roaming the earth?"

She is not a T. Rex. She is an icon.

She is a legend, and she's forever the moment.

And this is my prized possession, and it ain't goin' nowhere, son...

- Daughter. Damn it! - Jar.

I'm gonna retire off this.

You can't do spring cleaning in the winter.

It's illegal.

What's the rush of you turning my house into a cocoon?

We ain't got no permit for that.

This is a treasure trove of priceless antiques.

Like these 27 Happy Meal toys?

Hamburglar! Ha ha, you rascal, you!

You don't even have your own key to the house,

and you tryin' to throw out my heirlooms.

Oh, that reminds me. I had a key made.

Ohh!

Can I look forward to inheriting this Welcome Back Kotter board game?

I'll be the envy of AARP members everywhere.

It ain't all squirrel poop up in here.

Some of these things are more precious than you'll ever know.

Ohh! You remember your mama in that?

I wore it, too!

Say what, now?

You were at work, she was at a PTA meeting.

Got drunk to En Vogue, got a little crazy.

Mmm...

Oh, my God.

She would read to me at night, and I would lie on her lap

and play with this pendant.

Those 7,000 boxes, too?

That's all I have left of her.

That's all any of us have left of her.

Hell, she's up in heaven asking,

"Couldn't he have let me bring a purse?"

Dad, you could fill up three Goodwills

and there would still be plenty of Patricia Slade

all up and through this attic.

It's just so hard to let it go.

That's why I saved your kid stuff.

About that.

You know all my old Little League uniforms

are very triggering for me.

Oh, come on, you weren't that bad.

Hello, Miguel.

What the hell are you doing here?

Shouldn't you be somewhere watching tractor pulls,

or rasslin'?

Or a rassler pulling a tractor or something like that?

Yeah, they could pull a tractor, bro. They're incredible athletes.

- Man, they're actors. - Take that back.

- They're actors! - Take that back!

Though it is thrilling that you've found a new topic about which to argue,

I have work to do.

- I heard there was a yard sale. - What yard sale?

I was just looking to get a preview.

The yard sale is tomorrow, Miguel. No looky-loos.

- Sure you can't make an exception? - Sorry.

Dad, Opal's gonna help out. You'll get cash for your trash.

Now, look, I'm not gonna sit here and watch folks walk away with my stuff.

I'm gonna sit here and watch Alabama whoop Georgia

'cause it's the game of the year.

- You won't be here. - Where the hell am I gon' be?

You'll be with Louis at the wash.

He's agreed to be your little football-watching buddy.

Louis? No way! Let me tell you something...

No Louis, then no Ella Football Feast.

I'm gon' need a few more details on this feast.

Pecan pie. Pimiento dip. Brisket sandwiches.

Those are all my favorites.

- Mm-hmm. - But you got a plan,

and the only person who's not in on your plan is me.

So, you'll have a yard sale, but over my dead body.

Uh, I've got rental tables.

Will they fit over his dead body?

Good job, Little One.

You too, Tall One.

Put that down!

My collectible spoons are out of your price range!

Well, look at you,

all up in this yard sale, making it rain Washingtons.

I don't think she'd mind if I took these for a spin, do you?

- I don't think she would. - So, what do you think?

Three bucks?

Now, if you gon' haggle over the stuff, Patricia's gon' haunt your ass.

- I ain't afraid of no ghost. - Well, you oughta be.

There's my bro! Ha ha!

Hopin' to bro out with him, bro style,

just a coupla bros

doin' bro stuff.

Best friend to the rescue. Mwah, mwah.

Thanks for the food, Ella.

I would say bring back the leftovers, but... I know better.

Come on, Louis, let's go.

I don't want to be late for that pre-game. Come on!

I owe you one.

You owe me several.

Would you bring your punk ass on? Let's go, boy!

Okay, so, the sticker price on all this stuff comes out to, uh...

32...

but I'll... I'll give you 20.

Thirty.

We're already into the afternoon, little mama.

Sale's gonna be a ghost town soon.

Ah. But the post-game rush is gonna pillage it all,

and you'll be left looking on in horror from your porch

as others leave with what could have been all yours.

Twenty-five.

Thirty.

Take it... or leave it.

Can I speak to your manager?

Manager? You're talking to the CFO, my dude.

Fine. This...

Thank you.

CFO, huh?

You know it. What's your title?

I don't think I have one.

- Mm. Maybe after your performance review. - Who knows?

Maybe I'm already planning a hostile takeover of the housewares table.

You wouldn't dare.

Mm.

Look at us... a couple of very distant friends

taking on a game only one of us care about.

Excuse me? I care very deeply.

Louis, do you even like football?

Hell yeah, I do.

Des knew I was gonna watch anyway, so she hooked us up.

We gon' crush it today.

I didn't know you was an Alabama fan!

Ho ho! I'm not.

Cousin used to play there. Go, Dawgs!

Sic 'em!

Hell no! I'm trapped here eatin' with the enemy?

What you put in this pecan pie?

- Opal, bought you some lunch. - Thanks, Dad.

- This stoop taken? - Depends.

What you got in the bag?

Dew Drop.

I know you don't have onion rings.

Well, then you know wrong.

Mmm.

I'll tell you, Harry's so happy you're back.

Is he, now?

- Yeah. - Ohh.

He just shows his happiness in strange ways,

kind of like Opposite Day, you know?

The more he dishes it out, the better your standing.

I guess I'm his favorite person in the world, then.

Mmm.

Do you give the Little One the same tough love that I get from Harry?

Baby girl's been through enough.

You're just gonna leave me with a cliffhanger like that,

then go mute?

Two walking shitshows managed to conceive the perfect child.

One went AWOL, the other got locked up in prison for ten years.

Trying to lean into the whole gentle parenting thing.

I wish I had some of that growing up.

A good dad, and he delivers onion rings.

Go, go, go, go, go. Yes!

Ooh! Y'all are not coming back against this defense, bay-bee!

Fat lady ain't sang yet, Dawg.

Oh, she's hollerin' right now! Ooh! Ha ha ha!

Look at you, Mr. Football here.

Yeah, you're just full of secrets.

'Scuse me?

It's just, uh... I know.

- Know what? - You're good. We're good.

I'm not a gossiper, and it ain't nobody's business

if you're irrationally excited about brunch.

Ha!

Is that why you were surprised I like football?

Judged a book by its cover, did we?

I can admit it.

If you'll admit that the Tide could easily score

twice before this rock 'em, block 'em game is over.

I don't know about that, baby.

Well, watch and see. Lookit.

- Yes! - No!

Ooh!

- Thanks for the food. - Any time.

Can I get your number?

My number.

Without even asking my Zodiac sign first.

Hard pass.

I wasn't asking you out, just thought I might need to get in touch.

You know, just bein' neighborly.

I've done my time with troubled men.

I may need to get in touch for emergencies.

You know.

Well... mostly emergencies.

Now, wait a minute, who says I'm troubled?

- Probably your parole officer. - No, Jeff loves me.

I'm sorry you've had bad luck with men,

but maybe you shouldn't let the bad choices of your past

cloud your current ones.

And I thought I left my therapist in Soho.

Did you get these pearls of wisdom at the Cracker Barrel?

Oh, hey, now, I'll have you know

I only get my pearls of wisdom at the Dollar General.

About as much as they are worth.

Neighborly.

Ohh.

You can light up my phone as much as you want

with texts and emojis,

but when I don't reply, it's nothing personal.

Just an act of self-preservation.

Noted.

You want my number?

Opal, you need some more cookies?

I'm coming, girl.

Uh-uh-uh! I'm cutting you off.

Not gon' let you blame Mama's pie on you gettin' the sugars.

And you know we'll play again in the championship.

You and Des were in touch for years.

Why you didn't tell me about her secret?

It wasn't for me to tell.

Besides, these things... they aren't secrets.

At least, not in the way you and Mama think of secrets.

But you've kept it from me on purpose,

and that's a secret.

These are our stories.

I own mine, Des owns hers.

And we decide when and where to share.

So, what's your story?

I, uh, got a lot of chapters.

But... I'm not sure if folks are ready to read the whole book just yet.

Well, it's trade-up story time 24/7 in my house these days.

Honestly, I wasn't sure Des should come back.

Didn't think you could deal.

Well, I'm trying to roll with it.

I'm trying.

I know you are.

You surprised me.

Her too.

That's impressive.

Ha ha ha ha ha!

Judged the book by its cover, did we!

Touché.

- Mm-hmm. - Touché.

So, what are you thinking, design-wise?

Oh, I'd settle for not finding half-eaten hotdogs

under old issues of Jet magazine.

What's a magazine?

You're so young.

What was New York like?

Imagine a diverse, exciting...

woodchipper...

where everyone gets to wear scarves.

Why'd you leave?

Oh, I might be going back soon.

I have a few exploratory Zooms set up.

Don't get me started on exploratory Zooms.

Where'd you live? I'm thinking Greenpoint.

Oh, Brooklyn's already Manhattan prices.

Wait. How do you even know about Greenpoint?

I spend a lot of time thinking about being somewhere else.

Preach, honey.

Preach.

It's cool that you actually got out into the world.

I think it's in my blood, too.

My mom... travels a lot.

You're already a yard sale CFO. You can go anywhere you want, girl.

Whew.

Looka here. Well, it look like y'all did much better than Bama.

You had to know, when we join forces, it would be epic.

Beyond epic.

My, my, my.

Where is my coffee mug?

What mug?

The one that says "'Cause Mondays Happen" on it,

the one I told you not to touch.

It sold at 12:48 p.m. to Miguel.

I told y'all I didn't want to have no damn sale in the first place.

But y'all forced me into it.

And now something precious is gone.

I'm sorry, it was chipped.

I'll get you a new mug.

The day I wanted to ask your mama to marry me at the pier,

we had breakfast before we left 'cause your mama loved pancakes.

Yeah, that lady could mow down some flapjacks.

How poetic.

I was just staring at her. I was... mystified.

I just dropped down on one knee,

and I proposed to her right there on the spot.

And she was so surprised, she dropped her coffee mug,

and I popped the question on a puddle of coffee.

It was your proposal mug.

Um...

Okay, okay, um...

He's right next door.

On a scale of one to ten,

how much does Miguel hate you?

Oh, hey, what's crack-a-lackin', Desiree?

So very much is crack-a-lackin'.

You see, my father...

You mean the asshole about yea tall?

The very one. I accidentally left some...

- Give it back, Jethro Sanchez! - Not helpful.

Yeah, why on earth would Jethro Sanchez help you out, bro?

Who you callin' bro? Let me tell you something...

What are you gonna do, old man?

- I'll bust you up! Come on, do it, then! - Hey, where's your water at, bro?

Ooh, big man! Ohh!

Shut up, both of you.

- Tell me what to do... - Shut up!

Okay, um, we're gonna do some roll breathing.

- Some what? - Roll breathing.

Put your left hand on your belly and your right hand on your chest.

Now take a deep breath.

And feel the breath rolling up through your lungs

and out through the top of your chest.

Exhale and repeat.

You should feel as if

your hands are moving like the waves of the ocean.

Ah. Ah, they are.

Hee hee! What in the Billy D. Williams...?

Now, Harry, with eye contact and an open heart,

tell Miguel what it is that you want.

I want my wife's mug back more than anything in the world.

Okay, Miguel, with eye contact and an open heart,

tell Harry what it is you want.

I want $50, cash!

Fifty dollars!

Supply and demand, home slice. Love it or leave it.

I like this guy!

And you gotta let my friends park in your driveway

on Dungeons & Dragons night.

Did not see the Dungeons & Dragons thing coming.

I got layers, little mama.

Wow. Um, Harry,

are you able to meet Miguel's needs?

Here.

Where'd you learn this Jedi mind shit?

Yoda did her breathwork seminar in the Hamptons.

Who the hell is Yoda?

If I didn't know better,

I'd say you were sitting on a folksy porch in Alabama

listening to birds chirp

while windchimes dance playfully in the breeze.

Hmm.

Uh... OK, girl.

Who in the world just texted you?

It's just Mack.

Mack? As in, "Sir, do you want a deluxe wash and wax" Mack?

Stop it! I'm not entertaining all of that.

What about you?

Who's been blowing up your phone lately?

Oh, child, I get sale alerts from Banana Republic.

Seriously, you're not dating anyone? Not even casually?

There was a few road trips to a piano tuner in Atlanta.

Mmm!

And then some clumsy fumblings at a choir directors' summit in Charlotte.

Sweetie, you shouldn't have to leave the state for companionship.

Phone.

Uh-uh. No, no.

Phone.

Here she go.

It's your fairy godmother of gettin' it in and help you get you some!

Uh-uh! Grindr?!

- No! - Where there's a will, there's a gay.

It'll blow my cover.

No offense, sweetie, but if my dad's any indication,

your cover isn't as cover-y as you think.

OK, there's definitely a local talent pool.

But I'm not going to do it for you.

If you choose to slide that little button over and activate your account

or not, it's your choice, no pressure.

Now I'm gon' be, uh, Horshack.

I gotta be Horshack, yep. Bam!

What the hell is a Horshack?

Girl, don't you blaspheme up in here.

So, I guess I'll be, um... what is this?

- Um... Barbarino. - Wow! Ho-ho!

Vinny Barbarino on your first time playing?

It's a power move.

I don't know why I let you keep this.

I'm-a lock it up before you burn it up

and try to open up one of your Chaka Khans and whatnot.

Chakras!

I'm sorry I soft-landed all over you.

This place feel like a cocoon to you now?

It definitely has... cocoon potential.

You did all right, too.

'Cause it's starting to feel...

feel like a new thing, and it feel like a good thing.

You know, you haven't had to put any money in that jar

for seven whole hours.

Yup! And it's smooth sailing from here on out!

Come on, Vinny, you up.

That doesn't count!

Hell, you the one chose it.

Exhale, Dad.

- Exhale. - Don't tell me to exhale.

I'll wait to exhale.

Angela Bassett burned all that man's clothes.

She coulda had a yard sale!

Coulda made $73 and whatnot.

On the next Clean Slate...

Look at all these people out here on a workday!

Ain't nobody got jobs?

Why are we here?

We need to learn to model a good work/life balance

- for little Opal. - Whoo!

This is your chance to finally talk to JoJo!

Violence is never the answer!

Take that, lunch lady!

I will knock that nasty-ass hairnet right off your head!

I've created a monster.

Look at us now!