Original subtitles

Yes, I am looking to hire someone

to come and buff our floors.

How much is it for a room this size?

I did mention that we are a charity, right?

Yes, you did mention that you are not.

Thank you, sir.

Thank you.

Gladys, please, please, please.

Go and find someone, please.

Help.

Thank you.

Ugh.

Hey, Gladys, smell this.

Curtis, leave her alone.

Baby, look at this.

This almost like it's good.

This is a good coat right here, and it fits me perfect.

Look at that.

It's yours, Curtis.

Oh, it is, baby?

I can keep this.

No, baby, I mean it is yours.

I donated some of your clothes.

Baby, this is genuine pleather.

This is good pleather.

Look, this jacket isn't made for nobody to be laying

around doing nothing all day.

What's wrong with you?

I agree, baby.

That's why I took them from you.

Curtis, please.

I need to find someone who's going to do these floors.

We have an open house next week, and--

I'm going to check to see what Gladys comes up with.

Gladys!

Gladys!

Caesar, guess what?

You got the money you owe me?

No.

I'm about to be a woodchuck.

Good evening, big brothers, of Woodchucks International!

Ha, ha.

Where you been?

You surprised?

No.

I've seen you act like a donkey for years.

Don't hate.

Look, the fraternal organization of the woodchucks

is a very prestigious organization here in town,

and I am this close to getting in.

Ain't no party like a woodchuck party,

'cause a woodchuck party don't stop.

OK, Floyd, cut it out.

Please cut that out.

What?

[whining] Hey, Floyd.

Hey, Ella.

Do you know anybody who can do floors cheap?

You know what?

As a matter of fact, I do.

Bam!

[laughing] Floyd does floors cheap.

It's one of my side businesses.

You know what?

I just need to go on and call Willy back.

Here.

No, seriously, though.

I have a money-back guarantee.

You do?

Mm, hm.

As a matter of fact, I can start today.

What do you say?

Curtis, baby.

Go with Blind Willy.

Really, I won't let you down.

Matter of fact, look, I can put some elbow grease on that right

there.

And, look, hey, I can put a spit shine on that right there.

Floyd, look, I'm desperate, so you're hired.

Curtis, please? Thank you.

Curtis is going to help you move all of this stuff out of here,

and you can get started today. - What the--

Wonderful. Can I have that card back?

Because it's my only one.

Thanks.

I'll go tell Gladys.

We're covered!

I think.

Thank you, Curtis.

Thank you, Floyd.

Oh, don't mention it.

Ha, ha.

I say my woodchucks, yeah, my funky woodchucks, yeah.

We're going to chop some wood today.

OK, OK.

CURTIS: Enough, please!

FLOYD: Curtis, you don't understand

how important woodchucks are to humanity!

Don't nobody.

Don't nobody understand or care!

Man, the woodchucks even have a secret handshake.

OK, good.

We got the last of the furniture out.

Right.

And now you can get started.

But no, no, let me tell you this, though.

The woodchucks--

Floyd, do you realize that the only thing you've been talking

about is that doggone club?

Dude, they have an event every night.

Floyd.

Very worthy cause.

What cause?

'Cause we want to get away from our girlfriends and wives.

Do the floor, Floyd.

Do the floor.

Did I tell you?

They put me in charge of the secret meeting tonight.

Oh, did I tell you?

I don't care!

Come on, guy.

Look, do the floors, man.

Look, I got the perfect venue.

And if things go well tonight, I am sure to be voted in.

Good.

That's good.

Oh, good, good, good.

So you're ready to start?

Oh, yeah.

OK, Floyd.

Here are the keys. - All right.

Now, listen, when you're done, just lock up.

OK.

And put the keys back in our mailbox, baby.

In the mailbox. Thank you.

All right.

Floyd.

Don't make me regret this.

You won't I'm telling you, when

I get through with these floors, you'll

be able to eat off of them.

Well, that's a good thing, because they've got some bums

that's going to try it.

Curtis!

Be nice.

Oh, baby, I just need to wrap up with Gladys, OK?

You got 60 seconds.

Love you.

Love you, too.

Oh.

Whoo.

Whoo!

Wait a minute.

Wait a minute.

Do you know how to use this thing?

Of course I do.

Some of the woodchucks already paid

me to actually do their floor.

So you got a legit business?

Oh, yeah, dude.

I know what I'm doing.

[cellphone ringing]

Oh, wait.

Oh.

Wow, that's my phone?

Momma must have paid the bill.

Hello?

Yeah, this is Floyd.

What?

What do you mean I don't have the venue for tonight?

I done rented the thing out and everything.

What's the problem?

Bees?

Well, how many?

A few million?

A few million does not constitute a [inaudible]..

Curtis.

Don't hang up.

Hello?

Ah!

Did you hear that?

Oh, yeah.

Just reschedule the silly meeting.

I can't do that, dude.

Then they're going to think that I'm not woodchuck material.

I need your help, Curtis.

You've got to help me out of this, dude.

Please.

What can I do?

We can have the meeting right here.

Are you crazy?

Please, Ella is not going for that.

We don't have to tell her.

Come on.

Please, Caesar.

No.

It's only going to be a few guys here.

Look, I don't give a chuck.

OK? No.

Ella, come on. Let's go!

Seriously, I need you, buddy.

Come on, man.

I'm trying to be a part of something important, Curtis.

ELLA: OK, babe.

I'll meet you out front, Curtis!

Seriously, please, man.

My best friend would understand if anybody knows.

Please, Floyd.

OK.

- OK? - I said OK.

Really? You're going to do it?

Thank you, man.

Thank you, Caesar.

I promise you, man, I won't disappoint you.

I'm going to put everything back the way you had it, all right?

You make sure you do.

All right.

I appreciate you.

Because you won't be a woodchuck.

You'll be dead meat.

You heard?

All right, Caesar.

Yes, I heard what you said.

What did I say?

You said you would take it when we got--

Good morning, world's greatest parents.

BOTH: Good morning, Jazi.

Am I dreaming, or is Jazi up before us?

Maybe we're having the same dream?

[laughing] It seems like you guys are in a really good mood.

You know, humor is good for the soul.

And so is this fresh fruit that I cut up for you,

all with my little hands.

[laughing] Here.

Try some.

It's packed with vitamin C.

Jazi, I am going to eat it and do a little work.

[laughing] Multitasking, the downfall

of society as we know it.

OK, Jazmine, baby.

Baby.

What are you doing?

[laughing]

Do you want eggs or oatmeal for breakfast?

You know what?

Breakfast is overrated.

I think I'll skip it.

Have a nice day!

Stop, stop, freeze.

There will be no skipping breakfast.

Come here.

Ha, ha!

Have a seat.

Thank you.

Uh, Jazmine?

[muffled] What?

Why do I have an email from your civics teacher?

An email from my civics teacher?

You got an email from my civics teacher?

I got an email from your civics teacher,

and it says, Jasmine was being extremely talkative

during class while I was speaking

and other students were giving their speeches

for the competition.

It says it right there.

Daddy, I was not talking too much.

She was listening too much.

Jazmine.

Jazmine, you know better.

You know you are supposed to be respectful to your teachers,

and you are-- - But, mom.

She is so boring.

Jazmine.

Now you need to apologize to your teacher and the students

before your mom and I have to come down there.

OK.

I guess I'll--

What, what, what?

You guess?

Fine.

But I'm not going to like it.

Hey, hey, we are still not skipping breakfast.

Go upstairs.

Get your jacket.

Your eggs will be ready once you come back down.

Hurry up.

Really?

Can you believe that girl thought

that she was slicker than me, that she

was going to close my laptop?

Why is there a bill for some $550 boots on my email?

Fruit?

Fruit don't fall far from the tree.

Oh.

Baby, baby, you asleep?

I was.

Curtis, listen, I'm going to step out.

I'm going to go out. - Yeah, OK.

Bye.

You need anything, baby?

Yeah, I need you to stop talking, baby.

Go out. Go one.

OK, fine.

Thank you.

Where are you going, anyway?

I'm going to the help center.

Thank you very much.

OK, bye.

OK, bye, Curtis.

No!

Why are you going to the help center?

Curtis, I need to get some phone numbers for my Rolodex.

Oh, so?

Why you got to go down there for that?

No, no, no, babe.

The volunteers love to get their schedules ahead of time,

so I got to go.

But, baby, they don't even get paid.

Baby.

Bye, Curtis.

Wait a minute.

Wait a minute.

Come on.

Watch TV.

That's the show we like.

Watch the show with me.

But, Curtis, you--

[laughing]

You were just taking a nap.

Well, come on.

We'll take a nap together.

We need to do stuff together.

Curtis, uh, uh.

Move.

Why don't you want me to go to the help center?

[sighing] Floyd.

Floyd. Baby, what has he done?

No, nothing.

He's doing the floors.

That's what he's doing.

That's what he better be doing.

And if you go down there, baby, you might hurt his feelings.

Stop, stop, baby.

When did Floyd get sensitive?

Baby, if you go down there, he's going to think

you're checking on him.

I am.

Then he'll think you don't trust him.

I don't.

And I need my phone number.

OK, fine, Ella.

Fine.

I'll go get him.

I'll go get there because I'm his best friend.

He won't think nothing.

And I can go and check on him and get your numbers.

Everybody's happy.

Fine, Curtis.

Can't believe this.

I can't believe it, either.

Look, baby, I know how important

the help center is to you.

OK?

If I thought Floyd would do anything stupid--

Hm.

--then I wouldn't even let him near the place.

OK?

OK.

Ha, ha.

Winner!

[cheering]

Seven from eleven.

Time to go to heaven.

Tom got a win?

[shrieking]

Come on, man.

Be careful.

This is my momma's tux.

Have you lost your mind, Floyd?

What me and my mom are about the same size.

[grumbling] Don't push me, Floyd.

Do not push me.

OK?

You said it was only going to be a couple of guys.

Well, I mean, I told one chuck, and he told two chucks.

And then they told three chucks.

Next thing I know I had a chock full of chucks.

Well, I'm about to upchuck.

Now, you-- this place looks like a gambling den!

Really?

Thanks, man.

You know, I was really trying to go for the ambiance

and everything, you know?

Don't make me hurt you.

Don't make me hurt you, Floyd.

That's it!

Everybody get the hell out!

I don't care where you go, but you got

to get the hell out of here!

Don't mind him, all right?

[nervously laughing] It's like gambler's Tourette's.

All right.

Get over here.

You are embarrassing me in front of my woodchucks.

Look.

[imitating woodchuck]

You all stop doing that.

Stop.

I don't give a damn about no woodchuck.

If Ella figures about this, she's gonna die.

And then she's going to kill me.

Look!

You get everybody out of here, Floyd.

And you clean this place up--

now.

21.

You just hit blackjack.

Winner!

[cheering]

I don't care about [inaudible]..

Shut up! I don't care about no--

[shrieking]

Is that chips?

Yes.

Dude, you are hot.

- I'm not hot. - Yes.

No.

I mean, all I did was just slam a card down, like that.

Blackjack!

[shrieking]

[cheering]

I win again!

I win again!

[laughing]

You are hot, bro.

Now, what's the chances of this happening?

Floyd, you know I've always been lucky with cards?

This is true.

There's something about it.

I've always been lucky with cards.

Yes, you have.

I mean, I would even call it an anointing.

- It's a gift. - Yes, it--

[thunder]

[shrieking]

What's the matter?

Th-- this is so wrong.

Curtis.

- We can't do it. - What?

We can't do it.

We can't do it.

We can't do it.

Everybody out!

Come on, Curtis. No.

You out!

Good Chuck-tacious, out!

All of you out!

Everybody out!

And you!

You're going to deal me one more.

What?

Three? Four?

Four at least.

Number of completion?

- Even number. - Four.

Four deals.

That's it!

Four more deals.

Now, that's it.

Step aside.

That was a heck of a meal.

I couldn't eat another bite.

Oh, well, don't worry.

You can have some more tomorrow night.

Oh, leftovers again?

Don't think of it as leftovers.

I'm recycling.

Hey!

Can you all listen to my speech?

Yes, baby.

I'm going to blow them away in civics tomorrow.

Blow them away!

OK.

Washington, DC, our nation's capital.

OK. Wait a minute.

I need to get some water, because that sounded like it

was going to be a good speech.

Let me get some water.

Wait, baby.

OK.

Got my water. Let's go.

Let's hear it.

OK.

Washington, DC, our nation's capital.

Hey, who won that game last night?

I would tell you, but you took my boots back.

You don't know who won the game?

- Atlanta. - Atlanta won?

- Yes. - That's what I'm talking about.

Can I have my boots back?

[inaudible]

All right. OK.

All right.

Seriously.

Seriously.

I'm trying to read you all this speech,

and you all are talking while I'm practicing.

I wasn't talking too much.

You were just listening too much.

And I wasn't talking.

I was drinking.

You know what?

Forget it.

I'm going to go practice my speech by myself.

I love it when a plan comes together.

I love watching you work.

Oh.

And you are unbelievable.

I learn from the best.

You know, that's how we do it.

CURTIS: Read 'em and weep.

Winner!

Read 'em and weep.

[cheering]

I won again, huh?

How many bucks can a woodchuck chuck

when a woodchuck got no luck?

Huh.

Curtis, be nice, man.

I am.

I am.

Bro, you are off the chain.

Hey, we could do this every week.

- We could, couldn't we? - Yep.

That's cool.

We could do it right here in the help center.

We could do it right here in the he-e-e-e-lp--

no!

What?

What's wrong?

This is wrong.

We can't do this.

Come on, bro.

It ain't that bad.

Yes, it is.

It is that bad.

You're going to leave now?

You're a winner.

You're a winner.

Get thee by me, Satan.

Here?

Look, clear this place out.

Everybody got to go.

Curtis, you're going to give up all this money?

That's almost $2,000 here, dude.

Get your hands off my money.

I'm keeping this.

Clear the place out, Floyd.

Get everybody out of here.

Come on.

Let's go. - Get them out, Floyd!

I'm sorry.

Come on.

I'm sorry, Chuck.

Floyd, we doing the right thing.

I'm telling you.

Really?

You're going to thank me tomorrow.

You want to bet?

Get your hands off my money.

Hi, baby.

How was school?

Lunch was great.

Whoa, whoa, what about the speech?

[sighing] Can you believe kids were talking during my speech?

Kids were talking?

During yours?

Mine.

Well, I mean, baby, that's what kids do.

But come on, mom.

This was me.

I had a good speech, and I'm a good speaker.

People even excused themselves to go to the bathroom.

Well, hey, when a kid got to go--

It was one of the judges.

Sorry, sweetheart, you weren't able to do a good job.

Oh, no, no, no.

I gave a great speech.

Ah.

Modesty.

I guess you moved on to the next round, then.

Well, I got disqualified.

Uh, excuse me, you got, uh, disqualified?

I got disqualified.

You got disqualified?

Why?

Well, evidently, when the teacher was giving out

the rules about the competition, she said the speech

can't be over one minute.

Mine was three.

Why didn't you know that?

Well, I may have been talking at the time.

What was that?

I didn't hear what you said.

Your words was trailing off, baby.

I said, I may have been talking at the time.

Oh, talking.

So what did you learn?

That the teacher should speak up.

Jazmine.

[sighing] Fine.

I didn't like it when people were talking during my speech,

so I should pay attention and listen

when other people are talking.

Now, see, if you can learn that,

that little lesson will take you very far in life.

What did you say?

What?

[laughing]

What a great day.

And the floors look wonderful, Floyd.

Thank you.

And, Curtis, an anonymous donor gave us $500.

What? $500?

ELLA: Yes.

Well, that must be a very, very handsome and good person.

And we are very, very, very grateful to him.

[laughing] Yeah, that's great.

Yes.

And if he and his friends ever gamble in this help center

again, I will kill both of them.

- Hm? - Huh?

FLOYD: What? - Huh?

What?

You heard me?

How'd you know about that?

Curtis, I heard a voice.

The Lord told you.

The head usher.

He's a woodchuck.

[imitating woodchuck]

Or whatever you guys do.

Use more teeth.

Please, please.

Curtis, hand over the rest of the money, $1,500.

What?

What?

[nervously laughing] Like I'm just going

to be carrying $1,500 on me.

Curtis.

Curtis, please.

Wow.

And the rest.

Rest of what?

Come on.

Baby, you think I would have another stack like that?

Thank you.

Curtis.

You're $20 short.

$20 short, Curtis.

And you can't have it!

Curtis!

Don't leave-- hey.

$20.

- Hey. - $20.

Is there a spot--

$20.