Original subtitles

[laughs]

[tv playing]

CALVIN: Oh, man.

[laughs]

[laughs]

Pop, what are you doing?

I'm missing my show.

Yeah, like-- like you missing paying half the cable

bill again this month?

Yeah, about that, I--

I been meaning to talk to you about that.

Yeah, well talk is cheap.

And so am I. I want my money.

I don't have it.

Well, that makes two of us.

And you should be paying more than half anyway.

Look at this.

I didn't order no fight, and no karate movie,

and no "Buffy" marathon.

The "Buffy" marathon is.

OK, well you need to be paying for the other two.

Yeah, you look at it real good.

And I expect you to pay on that bill

if you want to watch cable.

And pop, you know me and Miranda

are suffering right now.

We're poor.

Look, you can save it, Calvin, OK?

Save all that.

You just want something for nothing.

And you should be out there, getting you a second job

or at least recycling some cans, like

any respectable poor person.

And ugh!

What the hell you doin'?!

Gimme that!

You can get some moisturizer for your lips,

but you can't pay your old man back?

Come on, with that.

You give me this.

Hey, baby.

Hey.

How was your day at work?

Long, frustrating, and unfruitful.

But besides that, it was good?

No, I have been tired all day.

[laughs]

Well I can take a little responsibility for that.

Mhm, you sure can.

Because your snoring kept me up all night.

[laughs]

My bad.

Baby I feel sick.

You mean sick, as in sick of him?

I mean like sick--

[gags]

--like nauseous sick.

Oh god--

OK, well, get out of here.

[coughing]

Come on, pick 'em up, put 'em down!

Ugh!

Hey, Miranda!

Make sure you get some water, babe!

And there's some-- some towels under the sink.

Aw, pop, you care.

And that cleaning stuff is under the sink too!

And make sure you don't come out till it look

like you did when you went in.

What, you gonna clean it?

Uh, Miranda, you better use that big towel back there.

How you feelin' baby?

[exhales loudly]

Baby, I don't feel good.

Mm.

I think I'm pregnant.

AUDIENCE: Ooh!

[alarm buzzing]

[sirens]

[tires squeal]

[sirens]

Pregnant?

Miranda, how could this happen?

Uh, son, have I had that talk with you?

Yeah.

All you said was, if you do the nasty before you get married,

I'll kill you.

OK, I covered it.

Miranda, I thought you were protecting

us from stuff like this?

Oh, so all of this is on me?

If I recall correctly, I do not think I was by myself

in the bedroom, in the garage.

And I sure wasn't by myself in your daddy's chair.

Gah!

You did not do it in my chair!

I And to talk to you now, in the back.

[silently gesturing]

Woo!

Boy, you lucky I'm cute!

Or else I'd kill both of you and take my chances in prison!

And you gonna clean this chair!

Hootie hoo!

Hootie hoo, yourself.

Oh.

Hi, baby.

Hey.

I had a great day today.

Thank you!

Well, that makes one of us.

We got a generous-- and I do mean generous-- grant

from the city today, baby.

Now, all we have to do is get together

and make a list of the things that the homeless people need.

Yes. - OK.

All right. - Yes!

Well, you might want to start with homes.

And then some spare change.

OK I'm being serious.

Me too.

You need to make sure the houses come

with two-shopping-cart garages.

Hey.

OK?

That was funny.

It wasn't quite funny.

[laughs]

It was almost there.

How was your day, honey?

What's going on?

Same old, same old.

The kids are fine.

Calvin owes me money and Miranda might be pregnant.

Right.

Curtis, how did that happen?

Baby, have we had that talk?

You know what?

Don't talk to me right now?

Congratulations.

Are you two happy?

Well, It's hard to be happy when

your husband thinks having a baby

is the worst day of his life.

I didn't say that.

Then why are we arguing?

Oh, because he blamed you for not being protective.

- Really, pop? - What?

I'm doing my part.

No, no, no, no.

He's right.

So before we continue having this enlightened discussion,

I might as well go get a pregnancy test

to make sure the discussion even matters.

Right.

That's a good idea, baby.

Yeah, that's a great idea.

You want me to come with you?

Oh no, no, no.

No need to, since according to you, I did this all by myself.

Why get involved now?

I had a great day today.

Did I mention that? - Yeah.

Yeah.

What did I walk in on, baby?

[sighs]

Please, you don't even know the half of it.

Ahhh!

You might not want to sit there.

Oh, goodness, I always sit right here.

Ella!

Anyway.

OK.

[smooth jazz music]

OK, what is gentrification?

[laughs]

The process of rebuilding low-income areas,

accompanied by an influx of middle class

into a deteriorating area that often

displaces poorer residents.

I still don't get it.

That's when the bougie people move in.

Oh.

[laughs]

Come look at my latest e-blast.

Oh!

OK!

Let's see.

"Amanda's family is so poor, they can't afford free cheese."

[laughter]

That's funny!

But this one-- this one's my favorite.

"Amanda's so dumb, she went to the dentist

to have her Bluetooth fixed.

[laughter]

She's so dumb.

It's like she's-- it's an earpiece!

[laughter]

OK, what are you two laughing about?

These emails.

They're about this girl, Amanda.

Katie sends out these hilarious emails

to everybody at school.

Does she?

OK, so how does Amanda feel about this?

I don't know.

She probably laughs about 'em too.

Bluetooth!

[laughter]

Ha.

OK, Katie, shouldn't you be getting home?

Yeah?

Yeah, it's getting late.

OK.

See you at school tomorrow, Jaz.

OK, bye.

Hey, Bluetooth's hysterical.

[laughs]

See you tomorrow.

Bye. JAZ: Night.

JANINE: Night. JAZ: Bye.

[laughs]

Isn't that funny, mom?

She's so dumb, she went to the dentist

to have her Bluetooth fixed?

[laughs]

Why aren't you laughing?

The question is, why are you laughing?

Because they're funny.

Would it be funny if they were talking about you?

But they're not.

That's why they're funny.

OK, Jazzy, what is our rule?

[sighs]

Don't laugh at the expense of others.

Exactly You and Amanda are friends.

Do you really think she's laughing?

Well, she might be.

Maybe a giggle, a smile?

A half smile?

OK, stop.

Stop.

There's only one way to find out.

Yeah!

I can get on Katie's network and send

out a mass email apologizing to Amanda, if she was offended.

Or-- or you could just try talking to her yourself.

That's so simple, it just might work.

It might.

Crazy thing.

[laughs] - OK.

Thanks, mom.

Welcome.

Son, hand me the spark plug wrench out of there please.

Coming up.

Hey, pop, which one is the spark plug wrench?

The one I'm going to bust you in the head with.

Come on, son, give me the spark plug wrench.

You know what a spark plug wrench is.

One spark plug wrench, coming up.

Hey, this looks like my socket set that you said you lost.

Oh, no, that ain't it.

"Happy Father's Day, from Malik and Jazmine."

Please.

Do you know how many friends I got with kids

named Malik and Jazmine?

You just don't want to say you're wrong.

You should be used to it by now.

[wrench clicking]

There we go.

All done.

But pop, you just took the spark plug out.

It's not going to start.

Put that back up.

And if it don't start, then I can't cut the grass

while I'm watching the game.

Oh, your deceit knows no bounds.

Thank you, nephew.

It's a gift.

Hey, guys, speaking of fixing things?

Yeah?

Have you guys ever considered getting snipped?

- Snipping what? - You know?

[whistles]

Ah!

What-- OK, what kind of trouble are you in?

And does she know this address?

No, pops, it's nothing like that.

I just want to make sure me and Miranda

don't have no more kids.

It's a little late for that, partner.

Miranda's pregnant?

We'll know as soon as she comes home.

[sighs]

Janine and I talked about that once.

Well, what happened?

I did what any man would do in that situation,

pretended I didn't hear her.

Well, what about you, pop? You ever consider being snipped?

[whistles]

Gah!

At-- at our age, I got more of a chance of getting

pregnant than your mama do.

You look like you got a bun in the oven right now.

You put your hands off!

Or I'll bust your window with this spark plug!

[laughter]

Well, baby, you can put the champagne

away because I'm not pregnant.

Yes! Yes!

Yes!

Woo-hoo!

Woo-hoo!

Woo-hoo!

Woo-hoo-hoo-hoo!

It's a good thing he's not excited.

Hell yeah, I'm excited.

Miranda, aren't you excited?

We just dodged a bullet.

I cannot believe you.

Well, what did I do?

I-- I just said I'm happy she's not pregnant.

I think it's about three backflips and the split.

And I don't think the Arsenio Hall fist pumps helped either.

[smooth jazz music]

Ooh, this one's cute too.

Can I have this one?

Sure.

[laughs]

My mom was going to give all this old stuff

to Goodwill anyway.

This This stuff is way too nice to go to Goodwill

[laughs]

Are you rich?

If If I was rich, would I still be washing my own dishes?

I guess not.

[laughter]

I would have a maid turn on the dishwasher for me.

[laughter]

You're too funny, Jazmine.

Yeah, I am.

Amanda, can I ask you something?

Sure.

Do you ever read Katie's e-blasts?

Oh yeah Aren't they funny?

Well, only if you think they are.

[FLATLY] Girl, yeah.

I especially like the one about the Bluetooth.

[laughs]

A Bluetooth!

Girl, I told my mom you'd be cool with it.

But she thought you'd be embarrassed.

Why would I be embarrassed?

Because the students all point at my hand-me-downs

and laugh at me when I walk down the hall?

Or because I can't stand up and answer

a question without somebody calling me dumb?

That's just what kids do, right?

Are you OK?

I'm good.

I just-- I hate that school and everybody in it.

I wish we could move.

Sorry, we couldn't help but overhear.

Are you-- are you OK, Amanda?

I'm good.

JAZ: You know, Katie was just being crazy.

Have you talked to your parents?

All they said was, whatever don't kill you

will just make you stronger.

I don't want to be stronger.

I want to be left alone.

We can go to the principal.

Already done that too.

They said they couldn't do anything unless I was getting

beat down or threatened.

They said that?

Baby, what if we call back--

Mr. And Mrs. Payne, I really appreciate

what you're trying to do.

But I'll be fine.

I'm used to it.

I didn't know it was this bad.

Bad would be a step up.

I better go.

Amanda?

Would you like us to drive you home?

No, I'm good.

I'd rather walk.

I'll let your mom know you're on the way, OK?

OK, thank you.

Thanks for the clothes.

And I'll see you at school tomorrow?

See ya.

What's up?

So were you out with your father,

having a thank-God-she's-not-pregnant

drink?

No Miranda, I'm sorry.

Look, I just don't think it's the right time

for us to have another kid.

And you know you agree.

Yeah but I didn't shout it from the rooftops.

OK maybe I got a little too excited,

but we're living in my parents' house.

Hmm, whose fault is that?

Oh, so it was my fault we got kicked out of the condo?

I thought we were a team.

Well, I've been carrying my weight.

And I haven't?

Well you just started back working.

Because I got shot.

No thanks to you.

OK, well, wait, what is that supposed to mean?

Come on, Miranda, do I have to say it?

Yes, yes, please say it.

I would love to know what you're thinking.

OK, I think if you would have used a little more discretion

when Travis tried to hit on you and not

invite him into the house, I might not have gotten shot.

So you're blaming me?

It's the truth.

No, the truth?

The truth is that I have been carrying this marriage from day

one, when you weren't working, when

I had to deal with your crazy baby mama, Tracy.

And then taking care of your son.

And at any time, did I complain?

No, Calvin.

I was supportive of you.

And I supported you when you were in trouble.

I stuck by you.

And nobody wanted me to marry you, but I did it anyway.

Sounds like you're having regrets.

Well, that makes two of us.

That's not what I said.

You know what?

You didn't have to say it.

Because it was written all over your face when you thought

I was pregnant.

Your face said, I don't want to be any more stuck

than I already am right now.

Tell me it's not true.

That's what I thought.

you-- you were dancing though.

And that Arsenio Hall pump.

Hello, Katie.

How are you doing?

I'm good, sir.

Nice to know.

Come on in.

Have a seat.

Jazzy called and said that she wanted me to come over.

Hey.

What's this about?

Never mind, I'm out of here.

Not so fast.

Come back here.

You're not leaving until you and Amanda

come to an understanding.

About what?

This is messed up.

Jaz, I thought we were girls.

And that's why we're trying to fix it.

We're all friends, and I let Amanda down.

No you didn't.

What are you talking about?

I let my friend get bullied.

And I didn't do anything about it.

And I let my other friend think it was OK to bully my friend.

Bully?

I never touched her.

OK, wait, wait.

You do not have to touch someone to hurt them, Katie.

What did I hurt?

Her feelings?

OK, Katie, I'm going to need you to lose the attitude

and listen.

Yeah, you hurt my feelings, my reputation,

and my chance to enjoy school.

And I don't even know why you hate me so much.

You guys are taking this too far.

All I did was say some stuff online.

It's called cyber bullying, and it has to stop.

Kids talk about other kids all the time.

Do you notice that I'm late to class?

I'm late because everybody who's read that is

laughing at me in the hallway.

Most of the kids don't even know me.

And the other half won't even get to know me,

because of what you wrote.

I just want to know why?

People picked on me all the time,

and she never did anything about it.

That was three years ago.

And I didn't do anything because I was scared.

So you didn't like being bullied, so you became one?

That's usually how it works.

I guess it sounds pretty bad when you say it like that.

It sounds pretty bad because it is pretty bad, Katie.

Look, you guys are all friends.

And when you grow up, you're going

to wish you had some friends you could count on.

I'm sorry, Amanda.

I didn't know I was affecting you so much.

Well, now that you do know, what

are you going to do about it?

I'm going to go online and apologize.

Really?

Really?

If we Can all start hanging out again.

[laughter]

Hey, it's cool with me.

As long as it's cool with you, Amanda.

[laughter]

[jazz music]

Look, you have to talk to her.

Me and your mama made a deal a long time ago,

do not go to bed angry.

Is that true?

Absolutely.

And I have the bags under each eye to prove it.

So you two, just talk it out.

Right.

And talk loud, so your mama don't

have to strain her eardrum.

Miranda, I'm sorry.

I'm sorry, Calvin.

You go first.

No, you go first.

No, ladies first. You go first.

OK, will one of you go first please, before you

start fighting over that?

And speak up.

OK.

I know we both said things that we didn't mean.

I know I did.

And I mean, honestly baby, I was so hurt and embarrassed

by the way that you reacted.

And I really wasn't thinking about my reaction

was gonna affect you.

So you really don't blame me for getting shot, do you?

Well, not totally.

What's that supposed to mean?

It means you had something-- not all,

but something to do with it.

Oh really?

And had you not been so irresponsible

and had a job making enough money,

then I wouldn't have even had to deal with Travis.

See?

Yeah, see, this is what I'm talking about.

You never want to take responsibility for anything.

I'm not taking responsibility for something that

isn't my responsibility, no.

OK, tell yourself that.

You know what?

Whatever.

You're ridiculous.

You're ridiculous.

You're ridiculous.

You are.

You!

Well, that didn't pan out too good.

[smooth jazz music]

[electronic music]

[snarls]

[trumpet music]

[MUSIC - "20TH CENTURY FOX FANFARE"]