Original subtitles

[grumble]

OK, OK.

Wait, wait, wait.

OK.

Will you just play?

You've been studying them cards for the last 20 minutes.

You're just mad 'cause I'm killing you.

Yes, and I'm dying from old age over here.

OK, does anyone know what time it is?

The time is 9:26.

Why?

You ready to quit?

No.

I wanted to mark the exact moment

that my social life sucked.

This isn't fun?

It's Saturday night.

I should not be staring at clubs.

I should be in the clubs.

Could be worse.

Really?

Yeah.

You could be at a marketing conference in someplace

like Nebraska.

Now see?

That would be boring.

I would do anything to avoid that.

OK, hold up, that's where y'all sent Calvin.

That's my point. Whose turn is it?

BOTH: Yours!

Oh, that's right.

OK.

[grumble]

But don't y'all ever wanna do anything fun without the kids?

The kids don't affect everything we do.

- Oh, really? - Really.

OK.

So why is it that I have two kings, a duck,

and a letter K in my hand?

Oh.

That's the twins' flash cards.

How'd they get in there?

OK, let's see.

Here.

Baby, baby, what are you doing?

What are you doing?

That's cheating?

No, I'm giving her another hand.

That's cheating.

In order for it to be cheating,

you gotta actually be playing.

Ha.

Just give me a moment, OK?

I wanna have a house party.

Don't you have to have a house first?

CJ.

OK, listen, when is the last time

that you've been to a party?

I go to parties all the time.

One that did not include cheese

pizza and a bouncy house.

Oh, man.

I went to a party, my boys.

That day was off the chain.

Man, it was so many--

brothers there-- just, you know, reading Bible verses, and, uh--

talking about how wonderful their wives are.

- Some wives, huh? - Mm-hmm.

Yeah.

OK, but listen, guys, listen, listen,

I promise, we need to do this.

I will help with everything.

Oh, I'm down with that.

OK, but what about Uncle Curtis and Aunt Ella?

Shouldn't we invite them too?

Well, won't that kind of kill the vibe?

Yeah.

But do you wanna be the one to tell

them they not grown and sexy?

[chuckle]

Who says we have to tell them?

We could keep it our little secret.

That way, no one gets their feelings hurt.

That could be best.

Can we get back to the game now?

OK, OK, OK.

Oh!

[smack]

Gin!

Gin!

[theme music]

JANINE: Got it? MIRANDA: Got it.

All right. Hey, baby.

Hey. Hey?

What took y'all so long, man?

The guests are gonna be here in a few hours.

I know, I'm sorry.

The store was packed.

OK, I'll put the drinks away.

OK.

Baby, did you get Jazmine's MP3 player?

We don't need Jazmine's MP3 player.

We got all the music we need right here on my laptop.

OK, wait.

You're gonna play your music?

That's why they call me CJ the DJ.

No one ever calls you that.

They will after tonight.

'Cause I've got the King of Pop, I've got the Queen of Soul,

and I've got your boy.

Ooh.

Don't-- don't do that.

Stop.

[laugh]

Prince!

Do not do that.

[laugh]

[doorbell]

Oh, I hope that's not the guests arriving so early.

Look, you know what?

We'll just tell them they need to come back later.

OK.

[scream] ELLA: Curtis.

[slam]

It's Aunt Ella and Uncle Curtis.

BOTH: What?

[fast forward whirring]

Ow!

Oh, sorry.

Hey.

What y'all doing over here?

What the hell is wrong with you,

slamming doors in folks' faces?

Oh, it just slipped.

[whack]

Oh!

It just slipped.

Is everything OK, baby?

Yeah, everything's great.

We're just-- we're just sitting around.

Doing nothing.

Oh.

Where's the furniture?

Oh, um, Janine redecorated.

You bet I did.

Mm-hmm.

Yeah, this is more roomy.

Back on that stuff.

Curtis.

So what's up?

Well, I wanted to come by and visit with the kids.

It was just too, too quiet over at our house with Christian

and Calvin Jr gone, and big Calvin gone.

Hey, we're having a party.

BOTH: What?

What?

Hey, babe.

We got enough food over here to feed a army.

Come on.

This-- I was couponing.

Yeah, that's, uh-- that's for Malik.

Yeah.

We sending him a little go-away because your boy

had an appetite.

Yeah, I know about that.

I used to feed him.

I used to feed his daddy.

He got an [inaudible].

Yes, he did.

Let me go see these babies.

Babies, babies-- Ms. Ella.

Aunt Ella, Aunt Ella--

I'm so sorry.

Ms. Ella, I don't want you to waste a trip.

The kids are at my cousin's.

Aww.

Yeah, they're not even here.

Aww, Janine.

Yeah.

So you all are here by yourselves too.

Yep.

Well, you are more than welcome to come

over for dinner tonight.

Um, they can't.

Yeah, 'cause we got to, uh--

Paint.

We're gonna paint.

We're gonna paint things because we

don't have the kids underfoot.

Foot?

No, no.

Well, listen, if you change your mind,

you know where we are.

Oh, can I have one of these?

Go ahead.

Come on, Curtis.

I'll take this one.

Ah, you think we should've told them?

I don't know.

You know, I mean, last time Uncle Curtis came to a party,

he got into a fistfight with one of my friends.

What?

I don't remember that.

It was my ninth birthday party.

Oh.

CJ: Yeah.

I think we made the right choice.

I'm with you.

Oh, what a special day.

Every second is a morsel.

A feast is before us.

Is it meatloaf day in the cafeteria?

Ah!

No.

Malik knows what I'm talking about.

What?

I-- I do?

Man, stop playing.

I know you didn't forget.

Go ahead and tell him what day it is.

Uh.

It's-- it's Friday.

And?

And--

And?

Malik Payne.

Did you forget our anniversary?

Anniversary?

We just got married like two weeks ago.

No, not our wedding anniversary.

The anniversary of the first day we shared a soda.

It was the first time both of our lips

were on the same bottle.

Man, how could you forget that?

It's not like it was our first kiss or something.

Yeah, Malik wouldn't forget that.

OK, well, when was our first kiss?

Um.

No clue, but, look, it doesn't mean

that it wasn't special to me.

I remember all my first kisses.

Yeah, you only had two, counting relatives.

Shut up.

She was just a play cousin.

How you doing?

Hey, are we related?

No?

I'm sorry, I didn't know that this soda

thing was a big deal to you.

Well, I figured you would've known.

Don't you pay attention to what's important to me?

Yeah, I do.

Look, let's not even fight about this.

I can make it up to you.

How?

Well, we can recreate the day.

I'll get a soda, and we could do what we did that day.

Cool?

Yeah, OK.

Uh, and your favorite soda is--

Diet.

Exactly.

I knew that.

[clatter]

Orange.

I was just testing you.

[party music playing]

There we go.

That's what I'm talkin' 'bout.

Oh, man.

OK.

'Scuse me.

Baby, I have to admit, everybody is loving your music.

Are they really?

Yeah.

Ah, what's my name?

CJ the DJ.

Oh, hold on.

What's my name?

CJ the DJ.

Oh!

- Wicka, wicka, wicka. - Wait, whack.

Wait, listen, listen, not so whack.

Just took the party to a whole nother level.

With the candles?

Yes.

The candles took the party to a whole nother level?

Mm-hmm. Where is Miranda?

She's missing all the fun.

Oh, you know Miranda.

She probably looking in the mirror,

trying to figure out what dress to put on.

Hey, where you going?

Hey.

Um.

I'm gonna take a walk.

Uh, why are you carrying your shoes?

Oh, because I didn't want them to get dirty.

Oh, OK.

OK.

Wait, hold on, hold on.

Could you bring me back some peanuts, please?

Well, I would, but I'm actually gonna go, um--

to Janine's and help her paint after my walk.

OK, dressed like that?

It was all I had.

I guess I need to do some laundry.

OK, I'm about to go.

Don't wait up for me.

Bye.

Now where she going?

Crazy, I think.

ELLA: Curtis.

Well, she said something about going to help CJ

and Janine paint.

Well, baby, maybe we should go to.

No, they're painting their house.

We're family, baby.

Besides, it could be fun.

We're not doing anything.

Trust me, nobody over there is having fun.

[party music playing]

Yeah!

Hey!

Hey!

Aight, y'all.

Yeah, take that junk right home, boy.

Oh, how you like me now?

Oh!

Whoa!

Whoa.

Surprise!

ALL: Surprise.

What the hell?

Um, everyone, if you would, there's food

and beverages in the kitchen.

Please, help yourself.

Thanks.

Don't gotta tell me twice.

Ella, come on, baby.

Wait a minute.

The party is for us?

Sure.

Curtis, did you hear that, baby?

The party is for us.

Oh.

Have one little question, not a biggie--

why we didn't know about it?

Oh, 'cause, uh--

it was a surprise.

ALL: Surprise!

They got me!

They got me!

Curtis, stop that, really, just stop that.

I thought you two were painting.

Yeah.

We-- we-- stop it.

CJ.

Uh, see, what had happened--

You lied.

OK, it's not what it looks like.

OK, let me see here.

You guys wanted to throw a party--

stop me when I'm wrong--

and Curtis and I were not invited.

Yeah, well, it kinda was more like--

um--

Surprise.

Got you.

[forced laugh]

So y'all think I don't know how to behave at a party?

That what it is?

Honestly, we just-- we didn't want you to feel

uncomfortable with this crowd.

Oh, so you think we're too old?

We're not too old.

How would we be too old?

Hell, Luanne is older than me.

You know what?

Let's just forget about it.

Yeah, yeah.

You are more than welcome to stay.

We've got plenty of-- we had plenty--

Oh, no, no, no, honey, no.

We wouldn't want to ruin your party, no.

Ms. Ella.

No, baby, that's OK.

You guys go on, have your little party.

We too old.

We too old, right, too old.

ELLA: Come on, Curtis.

Calling people old.

You need to be ashamed of yourself.

Talkin' 'bout folk don't know how to act--

Uncle, everybody's supposed to eat on that.

--with them damn selves.

OK, just take it.

You need to watch what you say about people,

is all I'm saying.

What--

Stop being so rude.

It wasn't-- it wasn't even my idea.

[splat]

Um.

OK, stop stalling.

Look, why do I have to answer these questions anyway?

Because I don't think you know me.

What? That's crazy.

I can't believe you don't know what my favorite color is.

I do.

It's, uh-- or--

Blue, blue, say blue.

Blue, it's blue.

- It's chartreuse. - Char-- what?

Chartreuse.

Is that even a color?

Yes.

I thought it was, like, a '70s band that did the "Funky Worm."

No, man, that was the Ohio Players.

It was on their B-side. - Oh, the B-side.

Oh my god.

You know more about old blues bands than you do about me.

Well, actually, the Ohio Players was a funk band.

Right, right.

They used horns.

Yeah, I don't care.

This is supposed to be about us.

I just wanna make sure our marriage will work.

Come on, Summer.

"How well do you know your mate?"

"Will your relationship last?"

You're trusting magazines to tell us

if we're right for each other?

That doesn't seem like you.

Look, I think we need to know each other better.

I want you to take these quizzes seriously.

How can I when they're wedged between articles

of wacky pet names and "10 ways to love your loofa"?

What?

Are you serious?

I didn't even see that.

Do you mind if I rip this out?

You know, my elbow's a little ashy, dry skin.

OK, just read the next question.

All right, all right.

Oh, that was the last one.

Oh, all right.

Well, we're done.

I aced it, right?

Aight, let me see.

Carry the 2.

Ah, you got a 10.

Oh, out of 100.

What?

Then what were you so excited about?

Well, that's higher than I got on my history exam.

That's true.

So what's next?

A movie?

Oh. This.

[slam]

"2,000 questions before you say 'yes' "?

Y'all already married.

Isn't it a little late for this?

No.

My psych professor recommended it,

and he said we could get a lot out of it.

Yeah, the only thing I can get out of this is a hernia.

I don't know, Malik, it's taught me something already.

Yeah? What?

That I ain't never getting married.

[slap]

By the time we finish this, we're gonna

be planning a funeral instead.

[laughing]

Look, Summer, wait--

Good morning.

Oh, good, coffee.

Yes.

Oh.

I guess you're still mad at me.

You were right, babe.

She's not as dumb as she looks.

You're not gonna say anything?

So you're not gonna say, [MIMICKING] "Curtis!"

You're not gonna say that?

I guess I'm too old and tired to say, "Curtis."

Mm.

And I guess I'm too old and tired to listen to her.

Curtis.

Hey.

Hey, everybody.

Yeah, they're not talking to us.

Oh, come on.

Is that true?

Yes.

Damn it.

We're sorry, Ms. Ella.

Yeah, we just didn't want to hurt your feelings.

But you did.

We know.

We realize we should have invited you.

I'm not angry because we were not invited.

I am.

I'm angry because you felt like you had

to lie when the truth would do.

All You had to do was just tell us.

It would've been fine.

We could've even watched the kids.

Really?

Listen.

I was once your age not really long ago, so I really

do understand, sometimes, you wanna just have fun

without having your slightly older relatives around.

Well, I want to be invited.

OK, and y'all don't realize how silly y'all look,

running around, having a party ain't nobody invited to.

Well, next time, we'll just be honest.

Can you forgive us?

Please?

Please?

Please, please.

Please?

Please?

No more lies, CJ.

We promise.

I still wanna be invited.

Fine

OK.

You are officially invited to everything.

Yeah.

When's the next party?

Right now.

It's the after party.

It's called the clean up.

I'm not going to that one.

Uninvite me.

Fine.

But you ain't getting uninvited.

Come on.

I know, I know.

Let's go. Bye, guys.

Thank you.

Love you.

No more lies.

And you are such a bad liar.

I just kind of went along with the whole--

Goodbye.

[grumble]

I've been looking all around for you.

Why?

You wanna make fun of me some more?

We were making fun of the books, not you.

Yeah, which I happen to think is important.

I take this marriage seriously, Malik.

Yeah, so do I.

Yeah, you don't act like it.

Milo and I were just goofing around, all right?

I didn't know it would make you so mad.

You should know what makes me mad.

You should know what my passions are,

what my favorite foods are, that I'm afraid of the dark.

Oh, is that why you have that Malcolm X night light?

This isn't funny, Malik.

Listen, you don't know me, and I obviously don't know you, OK?

That's a good thing.

How can you say that?

Do you know what my favorite books are?

Comic books.

Yeah, besides those.

No.

Mysteries.

Because in every mystery, there's a twist on every page,

a new clue to the puzzle.

Summer, you're my mystery.

Yeah, but what about the--

We have an entire lifetime to learn about each other,

but I wanna be surprised and enjoy it.

Don't you?

How did I get so lucky?

That's the real question.

You know what today is?

Summer, not again.

Wait, no, no, no.

Today is the day that I fell in love with you all over again.

Well, I definitely won't forget that,

but just in case I do--

Wait, no.

You won't need that to remember.

Come on, girl.

I thought "no" meant "maybe."

Oh, twins.

So, uh-- who wants to make a Milo sammich?

I'll get the mustard.

Where you going?

Come on now.

Man, women are just so sensitive.

What do you want?

You know what I like.

No, I don't remember.

What?

We supposed to be boys.

That hurts.

It's like you don't even care.

I don't.

Here you go.

Peanuts?

You do know that I'm allergic to peanuts, right?

Yep.

Men are just so insensitive.

[theme music]