All language subtitles for Tyler Perrys House of Payne - S08E37 - Stop, Drop, and Roll WEBDL-1080p_track3_[eng]

OK, but I still think
we need something that

grabs more people's attention.

Yes.

OK, well, let's just talk
about it when you get home.

I am home.

Hi.

Hey.

Dinner will be
ready in 30 minutes.

OK.

You know, I'm really not
feeling that whole safety house

idea you had.

Why?

It's a great idea!

It's a great idea.

Uncle Curtis even wanted
to do it when he was chief.

Uncle Curtis was just
looking for a place

to take naps and listen
to his O'Jays records.

OK.

But didn't Councilman Howard say
he wanted something big to grab

the community's attention?
- Yes.

OK.

And that's why I'm
suggesting a 5K run.

Hold up.

Is that creamed corn?

Yeah.

You said you wanted
corn for dinner.

Corn on the cob.

Oh, I'm sorry.

I didn't-- you
didn't say that you--

When have I ever
been a can man?

Come on, baby.

You know me 20 years.

I shouldn't have to still
tell you what I like.

But you've always liked it.

I think I know what I
like and I don't like.

You just don't pay
attention to detail.

Why do you always do that?

Do what?

You talk to me
like I'm stupid.

- I do not.
- Oh, yes, you do.

Oh, man.

You are blowing this
way out of proportion.

No, I'm not.

Nothing I do is ever
good enough for you.

Look.

I go to work every day.

And all I want to
do is come home

and not have to argue with
you about what I like.

I go to work every day, too.

And when I finally get off,
guess what I get to do?

Go to the grocery store,
pick up food, come

and cook, and clean for you.

And you never appreciate it.

Just--

Where are you going?

Out.

Hopefully, to get
some corn on the cob.

Get it yourself.

I think we need
some milk, too!

She's so unreasonable.

[music playing]

I told you somebody was here.

Hello and good morning!

Good morning.

How's my college student?

I'm good!

Yeah, I'm sure you
are good, since you got

a full plate of food and
a sink full of dishes

that you ain't got to wash.

Is that what they teach
you in college now?

How to break into folks'
houses and be selfish?

I didn't break in.

I used the key that you
hide in the planter.

[gasp] Got to move that key.

You're gonna see how you feel
when I come to your house

and drink up your little juice
and make me a big old plate

of food, unannounced.

I'd probably
feel the same way I

felt yesterday when you did it.

You see, baby?
You see what I'm talking about?

See?

Going to college done
made him a smart aleck.

Come here!

Smart aleck!

Get your hands off my nephew!

Get your hands off my nephew.
Good morning.

- Good morning.
- Muah.

So what are you working on?

Oh, it's an anthropology
essay about evolution.

Oh, here we go, Curtis.

There it is.

Evolution.

Did you know that the oldest
human bone was found in Africa?

In Africa?

[laughter]

It's not in Africa.

Everybody knows that.

Listen, baby.

Adam and Eve are
the first humans.

Well, actually, science
says that the first humans

were Omo 1 and Omo 2.

Yeah, they were cousins.

Remember that.

Omo 1 and Omo 2, Adam and Eve.

Listen.

Listen, Malik.

Adam was the first man, and
Eve was the first woman.

They lived in the
Garden of Eden.

And there was a serpent
who came in, crept in--

Yes, and they ate the
pomegranate, yada-yada-yada.

Curtis!

Actually, scientists say that
Adam and Eve were just made up,

and that the Garden of
Eden is located somewhere

around Iran, not in Africa.

Malik, listen, I don't care
what your scientists say.

I just care about what God
says, and His word is the truth.

Auntie Ella,
science is the truth.

We can prove it!

You know what?
I can prove--

Hey, baby.
Baby.

Right there.
See?

Right there what I'm talking
about, that he knows not what

he's saying.
- I'm just trying to help him.

I know, but you help him
in the right way, baby.

I do, before I
lay hands on them.

But don't lay hands on Malik.

Malik, baby,
what are you really

saying about the word of God?

Malik, if you have
any sense, rethink

this whole conversation.

I'm just saying that
it doesn't add up.

Like you still talking?

You take a hint?

Look, I'm out of here.

I'm through trying to help.

I'm just going to take this.

I hope they got a cafeteria
in heaven, or Iran--

wherever you're going.

Baby, look here.

When that oatmeal gets
done, bring me some out.

Thank you.

Love you.

Auntie Ella.

Yes?

Evolution is real.

The only reason we survive is
because of the violent nature

creating our ecosphere.

Malik, listen.

That's way too complicated.

This is my take.

God created the heavens and
the earth, and he created me.

And on the seventh day, my
Lord rested from all the

work that he had done a glory.

I mean no disrespect, but how
could he bless the seventh day,

when the number seven wasn't
even created until the Indians

did it?

Well, who created the Indians?

Well, I haven't read
that far yet, so--

All right.

Listen, Malik, baby, I am so
happy that you are finding

yourself with your
professors and you're

enjoying your education.

But baby, I choose
to walk by faith.

That's your own opinion.

Thank you.

But remember that the same
man that wrote the Bible

said that if you walk too far,
you'll fall off the Earth.

I'm just saying.

So one man wrote
the whole bible?

Is that what you're
saying just there?

All of them wrote one bible?

Just one?

Why didn't you wait
for me this morning?

Well, since you always seem
to be so far ahead of me,

I thought I'd get an
early start on the day.

This is about last
night, isn't it?

No.

This is about every night.

You always have
something negative to say

about everything I do.

OK.

I've got a conference
call with Commissioner

Howard in five minutes.

I need to be prepared.

Prepare to pitch
something ignorant.

Oh, so my 5K run
idea's ignorant?

And I guess your safety
house idea's brilliant?

You have no idea,
because you shut

it down without even listening.

OK.

Tell me now.

[scoff] No, smoothie
smooth, you ain't getting

out of this argument.
[chuckle]

Oh, no, no.

Go ahead.

OK.

Councilman Howard
would like something

practical that gets
a lot of attention

and involves families.

The safety house for kids
would be wonderful for media.

The kids would have a fun, safe
environment to go and learn,

and the parents would have
to bring them out, hence

getting families involved.

See, what I like
most about the 5K run

is that it'd bring
more people out.

You know?

We could get Toasty the Clown.

We'd get inflatables
for the kids.

We could even sell hot dogs!

What-- what-- what
does that have to do

with what I just said here?

What--

Janine, we're going
to go with the 5K run.

All right?

Go get yourself
some running shoes.

You are infuriating.

I've made my decision.

OK?
- OK.

We're going with the 5K run.

Now, when the councilman calls,
let me do all the talking.

That will not be a problem,
because I won't be here.

Wait, Janine.

Where are you going?

To get some corn on the cob.

Janine, I need your help!

What are we going
to do about Malik?

Do like we did with CJ.

Just ignore till it goes away.

I'm serious, baby.

I think he is beginning
to question his faith.

OK.

Well, what do you want me to do?

Beat him till he calls Jesus?

Oh, my goodness.

He's on his way over here.

What are you--

who, Jesus?

He came back?

Hey, what's up, everybody?

Hi, baby.

Hey.

Uh, I need a favor.

No.

You don't even
know what he wants.

What?

We gotta-- OK.

What do you want?

Can I borrow your car?

No.

Now, you see this little
time we just wasted?

Please!

My mom and dad aren't back yet,
and I need to go to the store

to get paper and supplies.
- Mm.

OK.

All right.

I got this.

Excuse us, baby.

Excuse-- excuse me.

I'm going to let you use my car,
if you just tell your Auntie

you were wrong
and she was right.

But wrong about what?

It don't make a difference!

Just make it easy on
all of us and do it!

You do not have to.

Here, baby, take my keys, Malik.

Thank you.

I'll fill it up.

Oh, in that case, you'd
better take this car.

That car runs on faith.

Malik, I-- I--

I've been thinking about
our conversation earlier.

OK.

What about it?

Science really cannot
explain everything.

Yeah.

Like what?

Like how Jesus turned
the water into wine.

Mm.

Now, that was a good one.

I mean, the farthest I've
gotten is turning beer into pee.

Hey, but let your little science
explain how Goliath split

the Red Sea with just one rock,
two little loaves of bread,

and one fish dinner!

What are you talking about?

You don't even know
what you're talking about.

Malik, what about Noah's Ark?

Oh, my professors
say that it's

made up, like a fairy tale.

- OK.
- Pfft.

They're wrong.

They found it in Detroit.

Malik, it's beginning
to sound like you

don't even believe in God.

[CHUCKLING] You do-- you
do believe in God, right?

Well, I don't know.

Thanks for the car.

I'll bring it right back.

What-- what does it
mean he don't know?

He's joking.

[beep]

Yes.

You're being silly.

Come back in here.
- Why?

You seem to have
everything handled.

Janine, do we have
to do this at work?

[cj sighs]

What can I do for you,
Mr. Commissioner, Sir?

Would you like some
coffee or something?

Uh, that would be nice.

OK.

Would you like that with
creamed corn or on the cob?

I'll pass on the corn.

Hmm.

[beep]

Oh, that's Councilman Howard.

I've got to take this.

Yes, Sir.

Good morning, Councilman.

How are you?
- Good morning, Sir.

COUNCILMAN [OVER THE
PHONE]: Good morning, CJ.

How's that project coming along?

Uh, why don't
we host a 5K run?

COUNCILMAN [OVER THE PHONE]:
We did that last year,

and the traffic patrol
took too much man power.

I think a kids' safety house
would be a really good idea.

COUNCILMAN [OVER THE
PHONE]: What was that?

Nothing!
Nothing!

How about we, uh, do a
fire extinguisher exchange

for the local residents?

You know, they turn
in their old ones,

and we replace
them with new ones.

That's closer.

But something like that would
cut deeply into our budget.

[WHISPERING] This
is not about us!

This is business!

This is entirely about us!

You treat me like
I don't matter.

You act like I'm a live-in
maid who does not have a brain!

COUNCILMAN [OVER THE PHONE]: CJ?

Will you shut up and listen?

COUNCILMAN [OVER THE
PHONE]: Excuse me?

Oh, not you, sir, not you!

COUNCILMAN [OVER THE
PHONE]: I sure hope not.

Do you have anything
else for me?

Well, what about a
safety house for kids?

COUNCILMAN [OVER THE PHONE]:
A safety house for kids?

Oh, so you have O'Jays
records like your uncle?

Well, I know it's
not a great idea.

COUNCILMAN [OVER THE PHONE]:
No, I think it's brilliant.

It promotes safety, and
it's very cost-effective.

Don't you think so, Janine?

Brilliant.

Well, you know, actually,
it was all Janine--

COUNCILMAN [OVER THE
PHONE]: Got to go.

You two, work out the
details, then get back to me.

Great job, CJ.

Uh, thanks.

Thanks.

I tried to tell him
that it was your idea.

Pfft.

You just don't get it, do you?

What?

You want me to call
the man back and tell

him that it was all your idea?

I will call him right now.

OK.

Let's call him.

Now, didn't you just hear
that man say he was busy,

that he had something to do?

That's what I thought.

I'll call him.

He's busy.

He's busy.

I just don't get it.

Now, we raised Calvin
and CJ in church.

they raised their
children in church,

and their children
are supposed to raise

their children in church.

What is wrong with this picture?

Baby, what's wrong
with the picture

is, you're standing
in front of the TV.

Please move.

Are you even listening to me?

No, I'm not, Ella, baby!

You've been saying the same
thing ever since Malik left!

Well, where did we go wrong?

What is wrong?

Where we went wrong is
when we drafted that running

back instead of Johnson.

Can you believe that?

You don't care.

Yes, I do care.

Johnson is a great player!

Curtis Payne!

Ella, the boy's in college.

OK?

He's questioning things.

That's what he's supposed to do.

And believe me, that
college is going to throw

so much information in him.

He don't know when
to sink and swim.

Didn't you go through that?
- No.

Curtis, I did not.

I-- I always knew.

Well, I went through it.

I questioned everything.

Why is there a war?

How can God allow slavery?

How can he allow the Holocaust?

Do I believe?

Do you believe?

Baby, of course, I believe.

Right.

But I had to get to that.

OK.

OK?

Now, look, everybody is not
as convinced as you are, Ella.

But that's we love
about you, baby.

You stand strong, whether
you agree or disagree.

That's why you're the
rock, a spiritual rock.

OK?

You ain't got to convince
nobody about nothing.

Let God do that.

I am letting God do his job.

Right.

You're the one that taught me.

If you have the faith as
of the size of one them

little jars of mustard,
you can move houses,

whole track of trailers.

Thank you, Curtis.

You were on a roll, and
you were doing good.

Thank you.

You are welcome.

Now, please get out so
I can finish this game.

Hey, uh--

Wait, wait.

What's wrong?

I'm just a little--
a little shaky.

Are you OK?

You can see he's OK.

Is the car OK?

The car is fine.

I-- I was driving, and
I guess I didn't realize

how tired I actually was.

And I fell asleep at the wheel.

Malik!

What?

Yeah.

Look, I don't even know
how I made it this far,

but I made it.

I woke up just in time to see
this little girl walk right

across in front of the car.

Oh, my god!

- Oh, my goodness.
- Yeah.

She's fine, though.

I didn't hit her.

Thank God.

Thank God is right.

Wait, wait.

Thank God?

Thank God.

Ha.

Thank God.

This one event isn't
going to change my belief.

It definitely has
me thinking, though.

I'll bet the little girl
you almost hit believes.

OK, Malik.

You are going through
a point in your life

where you are going to
question a lot of things, baby.

And there is only one person
who can give you those answers.

That's you.

So you have faith in me?

Oh, yes, baby.

What about you, Uncle Curtis?

You got faith in me?

Hell, nah.

Give me them keys.

Now, Change change your drawers.

I know you need to.

Why is it so dark in here?

CJ: Surprise!

[scream] What the hell?

Surprise!

I got everybody apple cider
to toast Janine, the woman whose

brilliant idea is
going to save the city

money while promoting the
efforts of the firefighters

and police force.

Here's to you, baby.

To Janine!

We appreciate you, we
respect you, and I love you.

Love you.

Thank you.

OK, everybody.

Back to work.

We got a campaign to start.

Thanks, everybody.

CJ: We've got a campaign.

Let's go.

COUNCILMAN [OVER THE PHONE]:
Congratulations, Janine.

Council-- Councilman?

Hi, I didn't know
you were on there!

COUNCILMAN [OVER
THE PHONE]: Yeah.

CJ told me it was your
idea we were going with.

And he made me stay on the line
so I could thank you in person.

Well, you know what I mean.

[laughter] Thank you so much.

COUNCILMAN [OVER THE
PHONE]: No problem.

Glad I could help.

And you.

Now, you know this was never
about me getting the credit,

right?

We are a team.

I just want to lift you up.

And at the end of
the day, I want

to know that I am being heard.

And I want you to
know that you are heard.

OK.

Now, let's get started on this
budget for the safety house

tonight.

Oh, no, no, no, no.

Tonight?

Really?

After all of this-- you
do all this for a girl,

and you really think you're
gonna just throw some business

at her at the end?

I mean, unless you got some
better plans for tonight.

Oh, baby.

You are not ready
for the plans I have.

Is that right?

Well, hey, is that a preview?

[laughter] Well, guess what?

Hmm?

I think that maybe
making up is really nice.

Yeah.

And maybe, we need
to argue more often.

Maybe.

Hey, Auntie Ella.

Hey, baby.

Oh, Malik, how did the
evolution essay go?

I got an A.

You got an A?

Yes!

My professor said he loved it.

I wrote that all creatures have
to evolve in order to survive.

But the spirit it takes
to want to survive

is neither visible nor
capable of being measured.

Man does have a need to
explain the unexplainable,

but the unexplainable
is the foundation

on which faith is based and
the only way hope can live.

And they gave
you an A for that?

Perfect.

Congratulations, baby.

Look who I dedicated it to.

Oh, Malik!

I dedicate this essay
to my Aunt Ella.

Thanks for your faith.

Thank you.

Aw, thank you, baby.

I love you.

Love you, too.

Now, listen, I called
you over here because I

want you to take this trash.

I'm not gonna ask you no
more to take this trash out.

I'm so sick of you ever
since you got in college.

You're just changing.

You're changing, baby, changing.

But I'm getting A's.

Oh, yeah, you're
getting A's, and you're

getting that trash out of here.