Original subtitles

My goodness.

Come on, baby.

Look, we've been at this for over an hour, OK?

Haven't we already gone through these rules?

I gave you the rules for acceptable packing materials.

These are the rules for moving day.

Moving day, baby.

There's more rules than there are residents.

Curtis, we have to know all of this information, baby.

Yeah, and as president of the Homeowners' Association,

it's my duty to inform you.

Now where were we?

You was yappin', and I was bored.

Oh, and Mr. Payne, let's talk about garbage.

I thought that's what we were doing.

Don't you want to know what kind of bag to use?

No, I don't.

All I know is I'm gonna need a body

bag for a old bag in a minute.

Curtis.

All right.

All right already.

All right.

[sigh]

Mrs. Payne, it's been a pleasure.

Mr. Payne, you've been a pain.

Thanks

Thank you.

Thank you so much. - I can't--

Thank you.

Bye, Ms. Clampit.

Curtis, you're not even trying.

Phew.

I'm glad that's over.

[clatter]

Try for what, honey?

Try for what?

I'm so sick of this.

I own this house.

Well, I'm gonna own that house too.

It's my rules.

Ain't nothing changing.

Curtis, yes it is.

No, it ain't.

Listen, we are moving to a new home with new neighbors.

Curtis, I really want to fit in, baby.

Baby, the only thing I'm trying to fit in right

now is this couch.

You don't get things.

Get up.

Get your feet off this couch.

You better done quit hitting me.

Curtis.

Why is this in the door?

'Cause we moving, baby.

Huh, this is ridiculous.

[snore]

[mumbling]

'Sup.

Burglar!

Burglar!

Mr. Jefferson!

Mr. Jefferson!

Ouch!

Ow!

What's all the fuss about?

- Burglar. - What?

I ain't no burglar.

That's George Jefferson.

What?

I'm George Jefferson?

What the hell?

[theme music]

Well, if he's Mr. Jefferson, who are you?

I'm George Jefferson too.

What you talkin' 'bout, Willis?

That's the wrong show.

And he stole that from me.

Wait a minute.

Am I Mr. Jefferson too?

No, you're still Florence.

So I'm working for two Mr. Jeffersons.

I'm expecting two paychecks.

Hmph, you're lucky to get one.

Got that right.

[snicker]

Wait a minute.

I'm on "The Jeffersons"?

I'm on "The Jeffersons"?

Look at that! Look at that!

Bam!

Bam!

Bam!

You got the-- look at the-- there are pictures of-- there's

the room back there.

Oh my goodness.

Hey, Mama!

Mama, I'm on "The Jeffersons"! Mama!

Hey, hey, hey.

Sorry, ain't no cameras.

We taped our last show in 1985.

OK, then why am I here?

Yeah, why is he here?

Because you're here to learn about the rich and snooty.

I mean, who knows more about living with the elite than me?

I fit right in.

Yeah.

[laughing]

Oh, you lived here, Mr. Jefferson,

but you never did fit in.

Look, I am your guide.

Nobody can see me but you and Florence.

How did I get so lucky?

OK, well, that's impossible, because you're right here.

Oh, you'll see.

Ella.

Calvin.

George.

Oh, George, we had such a lovely lunch with the Willises.

Yeah, Pop, you should've come.

Ella, Calvin, y'all got sucked into this too?

Who's Ella and Calvin, Pop?

George, have you been in Mother Jefferson's vodka again?

See, I told you.

[doorbell]

Normally, I wouldn't get that, but this is getting too good.

Wonder who's at the door.

Maybe somebody from "The Cosby Show."

Mm-hmm.

Jenny, Helen, Tom, what are you doing here?

You left your Turkey Tetrazzini.

Wait a minute, honey, I'll take that.

Hi, Lionel.

Hi, Jenny.

Wanna go upstairs and study?

Sure.

That's odd.

He's not bringing any books?

Kids today, huh, George?

[slap]

OK, who the hell are you?

I'm Tom Willis.

George, such a kidder.

[slap]

OK, you got one more time.

Hit me.

You know, you didn't have any white people in your family,

so they hired me.

That's pretty good.

I think we should be getting back upstairs before they get

too far along in their studies.

Come on.

Oh, you're right, honey.

Oh, Tom, Helen, thank you for coming by.

This is crazy.

Eh, so, Ella--

Weezy.

Ella Weezy?

Just "Weezy," George.

OK, do I look different to you?

You are as handsome as ever.

[scoff]

He ain't nowhere near as handsome as me.

In your dreams.

I heard that.

[doorbell]

- Did y'all want me to get that? - Yes.

Yeah.

Can't.

I'm on my lunch break.

Don't look at me.

She's been on her lunch break for 20 years.

I got it.

Mr. Jefferson.

Floyd.

Ralph.

I brought you your mail.

Oh, OK.

[clears throat]

Is there something wrong with your throat?

[clears throat]

I know you don't expect me to tip you for giving me my mail.

OK, I'll just take this back.

You gotta pay.

He's still holding my tax return from 1985.

'82.

- Is that a dollar on the floor? - Where?

Right there.

Oh!

[slam]

So this is what a deluxe apartment in the sky

looks like.

Mm-hmm.

All right, I feel you.

Hey, ain't you got some maiding to do?

Ain't you got some brewing to do?

Ow.

Ella-- Weezy.

What is she doing here?

She was kind enough to help me carry the centerpiece.

Oh, I see you haven't cleaned up for the party yet.

You might consider getting some help around here.

Honey, I've been trying to tell them that for years.

Party?

What party?

George.

Now you know that we are having a get together tonight

so we can know our neighbors.

More importantly, to get to know you.

If you don't fit in, your time will be very short-lived.

Well, I don't want to know those people.

Well, you might as well burn the building down,

'cause this building is full of snooty people.

George, don't say that in front of her.

[sigh]

I better get going.

I'll see you two tonight.

Thank you for coming.

George, listen now, I want you to be on your best behavior.

He will.

I will?

Oh, thank you, George.

Now listen, I have to go and get the decorations.

I'll be back.

You really need that throat lozenge.

OK.

So, you ready to fit in?

Hell no.

Oh, you wanna feel the wrath of Ella Weezy?

[groan]

All right, pay attention.

First, you've gotta exaggerate the truth.

You mean lie?

Well, to-may-to, to-mah-to, you know?

Look, OK, he says he's the vice president,

you're the president.

He says he's a prince, you're the king.

If he owns a show dog, you own an atomic dog.

Eye contact.

Always look rich people right dead in the eye.

It makes them nervous when you look into their wallets.

OK.

Then there's the hearty handshake.

[ham laughter]

Slap on the back.

[slap]

Ouch!

That hurt.

It's supposed to hurt.

Want to make an impression.

OK.

But the most important thing of all is the walk.

Oh, please, I got that.

Show me.

I'm Curtis T. Payne.

I got that.

No, no, hold, hold, no, no.

Tom Willis can walk better than that.

You know, you gotta do some funky.

OK, I smell you.

You gotta cover you and your money.

OK, I can do that.

Cover you and your money.

[laughing]

Cover you and your money.

All right.

Almost like you swimming.

Yeah.

Lord, now I'm really gonna need a raise for all this.

[laugh]

He said he own a--

OK, all right, so you own a landscaping business?

Owns a landscaping business.

Mm-hmm.

Yeah.

Well, I-- I invented grass.

Oh, that was good.

Too good.

[laughing]

[slap]

[thud]

The Worthingtons.

Oh, now remember what I told you.

OK.

OK, OK.

[ham laughter]

Mr. Worthington.

It is a pleasure to have you in my abode.

I see he brought his horse with him.

He can tie it up right away.

It's so nice to finally meet your mother.

Mama Worthington, it's so nice to have you here.

That's his wife.

[smack]

You didn't tell me.

The Worthingtons, now leaving.

Fox is really enjoying himself.

Oh, too much if you ask me, Lionel.

I think he's doing a great job hosting.

Anybody want some of these cut-up sausages?

Florence, those are hors d'oeuvres.

The can says "Sausages."

Uh, I'll have one of those sausages.

They're hors d'oeuvres.

What makes these hors d'oeuvres?

Got to be the toothpicks, 'cause when

I had them for breakfast, they were just sausages.

OK, well, just give me the sausag--

I mean, the hors d'oeuvres.

Where you going?

I'm on my break.

You sure take a lot of breaks.

The way you pay me, I should stay on break,

'cause I'm broke.

[groan]

OK, all right, anyway, it seems like I'm making

a good impression around here.

Well, everyone is talking about you.

See?

What'd I tell you?

Come here.

I wonder what they saying.

It don't matter, long as they talking.

Hors d'oeuvres, madame.

No thank you.

So as I was saying, I mean, this is very important--

OK, so what the hell y'all talking about?

Your eviction.

[gasp]

George.

Now leaving, Mr. Honeycut and the little

Asian lady from "Soul Train."

Mr. and Mrs. Pettigrew.

And Mr. and Mrs. Willis.

Um, is anyone gonna finish these sausages?

This would be a good time to try that triple lindy

double axle boomerang.

Out!

Let's just go, Tom.

Yes, dear.

Mr. Jefferson, I would have kicked them out for you.

For $20.

I never did like him.

I know.

I know.

[slam]

George!

What?

She can't hear you.

I don't care.

I don't believe you.

You've done some crazy things over the years,

but this takes the cake.

Why?

Because a bunch of snooty folk don't get me?

Hey, they didn't get me either.

All I asked was for you to just be on your best behavior.

I don't understand what got into you, George.

But I know now that I have never been so disappointed.

I must go now because I'm hoarse.

[cough]

Ugh, yeah, you're making me hoarse.

Really in trouble now, Pop.

Uh-- CJ?

CJ?

I'm Lionel, your son.

Don't freak out.

They switched Lionels on me too.

OK, so he's my son, only different.

Mm-hmm.

You've been acting really weird all night.

I don't know what gives.

How are you gonna make this up to Mom?

Look, don't worry about your mother.

OK.

Look, I'll take care of everything, C--

I mean "son."

Oh, hell!

All right, I delivered flowers to everyone

whom I might have offended.

So where are mine?

Ignore her.

Mr. Jefferson.

I've placed your flyers all over the building.

Oh, good.

Thank you.

And this citation would be yours.

Citation?

What?

Why you didn't tell me it was a $500

fine for putting up flyers?

You paid me to put flyers all over the building.

You didn't pay me to give you the rules and regulations.

I still don't like him.

[sneezing]

Oh my goodness.

OK, wait, wait.

Don't bring that in here.

What is wrong with y'all?

It's these flowers.

What is this?

Ragweed?

I don't know.

They were up on the roof.

[sneeze]

Well, get rid of them.

Oh. Here.

Me?

Yes.

I'll help you.

OK, Lionel.

Oh, let's just go, Tom, let's go.

Yes, dear.

Right away.

George, this is terrible.

[groan]

Oh, I'm glad you're home, Mr. Jefferson.

I believe you'll be needing these.

Wait, don't go.

George has something he wants to say to you.

I'm [mumble].

Tell her again.

She didn't hear you.

I'm [MUMBLING] sowwy.

Ah, enough.

I'm not gonna let you upset me, Mr. Jefferson.

I'm gonna go up on the roof and attend to

my prize-winning flower garden.

[squeal]

Damn!

Damn!

Damn!

BOTH: Wrong show.

Oh.

George!

You've blown it this time, George.

All of the work we've put in to save, and you've just blown it.

George, I may as well just start packing,

George, because I'm hoarse.

George!

Again.

Women are so dramatic.

Well, your advice sucked.

I don't know why you listened to me.

Because you're George Jefferson.

Yeah, but I was always wrong.

If I had been right, we would've have had to do 253 episodes.

The show would've ended after the pilot.

Well, if you ask me--

Nobody asked you!

Well, my advice can't possibly be worse than yours.

Well, she got that right.

Listen, just be yourself.

Don't try to be Mr. Jefferson.

You didn't get this far by pretending to be somebody else.

Well, what if they don't accept me?

The only person you have to worry about accepting you

is Mrs. Jefferson.

And I'll let you in on a little secret.

The people in this building couldn't stand him.

OK, look, I don't know who I was earlier, OK?

When I was telling you about all of my accomplishments,

I was lying.

Exaggerating.

OK?

I was trying to impress you.

Slapping people on the back.

Uh, I hope you get out the cast soon, Charlie.

Could you please hurry up with your farewell speech?

I have another, more desirable couple coming to see

the apartment in an hour.

Well, look here, Sophia, I'm Curtis Payne, you hear me?

Who?

He's delusional.

It gets better and better.

Oh, honey, you don't know the half of it.

What are you talking about, George?

Listen, everybody.

Me and my wife--

and, baby, please, you can stop talking like that now.

OK.

We are hard-working folk, OK?

We don't put on airs.

We don't need to.

And we accept people for who they are.

Even you jive suckers.

Now if that's not the kind of folk

that you want living with you, then I

guess we don't belong here.

Too-

Wait, now, wait, wait.

I think we should give them a chance.

LIONELS: Yeah, my pops is a good man.

Thank you, son--

s.

You know, I think Bianca is right.

I think we do need to get rid of the undesirables.

That's the spirit.

Very good.

Do you realize what you're saying?

I do.

Bianca needs to go.

[gasp]

I second that.

Oh!

Well, I never!

Ha, I knew that the first time I met you.

Oh, George.

Baby, please stop.

ELLA: Really?

Really, Curtis? - Right.

Crazy.

No, no, forget it.

Eh, no, no, I'm not finished.

You was Lionel, and you was Lionel.

BOTH: We were both Lionel?

Just like that!

They was talking just like that together.

Wow, twins.

And you was married to Tom Willis.

Oh.

And you was lovesick for Nicholas.

Well, I guess that's better than

being married to Tom Willis.

[laugh]

And you kept asking for money.

Man, that's crazy.

Let me holler at you before I leave.

I need a whole 20.

Just like I said in the dream--

hell no.

Baby, it was so real.

Yeah.

Well, Curtis, it wasn't.

It wasn't real.

Let's get back to packing.

Thank you.

OK, OK.

Hey.

You forgot to give me back my house key.

See?

Thanks.

CURTIS: This is--

Wait a minute, wait a minute.

Now can I be Mr. Jefferson?

No.

What you looking at?

You ain't dreaming no more.

[inaudible].

See?

Did y'all see?

Did y'all see?

Did y'all-- y'all didn't see it?

[theme music]