Original subtitles

Ah.

Ah.

Ah.

Hallelujah.

Hallelujah.

Hallelujah.

Hallelujah.

Hallelujah.

See, you all was right there.

You was right there.

But, Ella, you pitchy.

You pitchy.

I need you on pitch.

That wasn't me.

That was Calvin.

How you gonna play on him like that?

Fix your pitch.

I'm not pitchy.

Halla.

Halla, not there.

Fix your pitch.

Good news.

Good news, family.

Mack Tight is going to perform at the fireman's

fundraiser talent show.

Who?

You know, Mack Tight.

He preformed last year at the telethon.

Not impressed.

Don't worry, CJ, the Payne Family Players

will be ready for the talent show fundraiser.

Hold up.

Whoa, whoa, whoa.

You guys are not planning on performing at the fireman's

fundraiser, are you?

Yeah.

I mean, we want to help out charity,

and we want to win $10,000.

You tell him.

Give him a taste. Halla--

No, no, no.

No.

No.

This is my first big event that I'm

planning for the department.

There's going to be a lot of important people there.

I don't want you guys to embarrass me.

Baby, we're not going to embarrass you.

Baby, will you come over here?

OK.

There's going to be important people there.

They're going to be paying $100 a ticket.

Now, they're going to want to see professional act--

I'm professional.

No disrespect, Unc, but when has

anybody ever pay you to sing?

They payed me last year, at the family reunion.

They paid me to sing at the family reunion.

Well, actually Curtis, they paid you to stop singing,

remember?

Girl, get over there and fix your pitch.

Fix your pitch.

Over there.

See, that's what I'm talking about.

If you want to help me, don't sing.

Got it?

Got it.

Baby, I'm gonna pick up the twins,

and I'll see you at home. - All right.

Bye, baby.

No singing.

No singing.

So what do we do now?

Take it from the top.

Come on.

But he just--

Get over there and stand in your place

before I gotta go get another soprano.

[theme music]

Ready?

[SINGING] Me, me, me me.

Me, me, me, me.

Me, me, me, me, me.

Me, me, me, me me.

Me, me, me, me, me.

Me, me, me, me, me.

Money note.

[screeching]

Heard your tone deaf behind these noise

canceling headphones.

OK, you know what?

I'm not tone deaf.

Am I?

Miranda, you can't see, OK?

You can't sing, baby.

OK, there I said it.

You can't sing.

You know what, I'm sorry, but you're

moving so they can't hear me.

You are bringing us down.

Curtis, we are performing as a family.

Thank you.

Fine.

We're gonna let her perform solo.

Really? Really?

So low, we can't hear you.

That's so original.

Holi-hoo.

Holi-hoo.

I can't take it around here no more.

I need some water.

Go on.

You want some water?

Yes.

Yes.

Hey, ladies, I brought the wigs you wanted for your act.

OK, let's start with the Tina collection.

I have proud Mary Tina.

That's me.

And then I have what's love got to do with it Tina.

And simply the best Tina.

Simply the best.

It depends on the level of heartbreak you want to wear.

Come on, let's go match them up with the costumes.

Oh, I think I want to be what's

love got to do with it Tina.

I'll take that.

Yes, you can.

This is going to be so good.

Thank you, Claretha.

You're welcome.

That is going to be a great look for the fundraiser,

and a better chance at winning the $10,000.

Right, baby?

Yep.

Did you say $10,000?

She sure did.

They ain't gonna with that money, because they suck.

That's why we get a secret weapon.

I already told you, I refuse to be a blind break dancer.

It ain't happening.

Shut up and put these on.

Get used to them.

Well, I could do a little song and dance.

Now Curtis, Curtis--

Curtis what?

Claretha could dance back in the day.

Back at-- you talking back when the earth

was covered with water?

Everybody was dancing then.

Everybody was dancing. - Don't do that.

Don't do what?

Don't do that.

Baby, this is a family thing.

What?

No.

What's all that supposed to be?

That the look?

OK, all right, Claretha.

Go ahead on, let me see what you got.

OK.

Hey, none of that freaky stuff.

Oh, you wish.

All right, watch me now.

Sweet potato, sweet potato, sweet potato.

Back it up with slew for the stomp.

Put the pecans in.

Put the pecans in.

Cover with the marshmallows now.

What are we gonna do now?

That's lunch.

Lunch, anybody? - Cool.

That's lunch.

Come on now.

[phone ringing]

Miss Claretha?

Miss Claretha, your phone.

Yeah, baby, you wanna join in?

No.

Your phone is ringing.

Oh, thank you, baby.

No, thank you for stopping putting the pecans in.

I need the vapors.

Hello?

Yes, this is she.

Look, I know.

I know.

I know, I know I got behind on the payments,

but if you give me a little more time,

I can come up with the money.

But, but, please.

Please now.

Where am I gonna live if you take my house?

This is how the prize money is going to be distributed, OK?

It's going to be distributed based on contribution,

you heard?

That must mean I'm about to get--

Get a ride home.

Because your little bass notes have been kind of off

and freaky and not right.

Janine.

Yeah?

You some a little bit of a verse.

You did all right.

OK.

You get $1,000.

Honestly, I'm not even sure I should be doing this.

CJ doesn't want us to perform.

Please, he's just stressed out right now.

Yeah, after he hears us and everything, we get to the day

and he's gonna forget all about that.

Or have a stroke.

All right.

I'm gonna go check on the twins.

OK, Miranda?

Uh-huh.

Uh, you know, you're pitchy, but you get $500.

$500?

- You can split it with Calvin. - What?

Yo, wait. Wait a minute.

And, baby, you gonna get-- you know what,

I'm gonna add $50 to yours.

So we're gonna give you--

What?

Wanna guess what I'm giving you?

No.

OK, I'll wait.

You wanna tell me what gonna give?

What you want?

How much you want?

That's what I thought.

That's what I thought. - OK.

All right. I'll wait for you--

she's gonna tell me later.

OK, wait, you asked us to sing in this fundraiser.

You know, we don't have to do it.

We have talent.

I'm a poet.

You a poet?

Since when?

Since when did you a poet?

And how much you plan to make with your little nursery

rhymes?

$10,000.

Come on, Calvin.

Wait, where we going? $500 is better than--

Look, look, look.

We're gonna do our own act, OK?

We will be the Papa and the Poet.

Hey, that's kind of catchy.

We quit.

What the hell was that?

That's the best note you sung all week.

That's the best note you sung all week.

What are y'all doing?

Stop what?

How many times do I have to say no to this?

Just take eight of these.

You won;t feel nothing. - Eight of these?

Do you realize where I just come from?

And you're trying to give me pills?

Do it for the team.

I'm not taking one.

Do you wanna wear this--

Whoa, whoa, whoa.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

Curtis, Curtis, Janine, Janine, what is going on?

Uncle Curtis told me to break a leg.

Janine, baby, That's just showbiz talk.

No. No.

No, no, no. He was serious.

He wants me to break my leg.

He wants the sympathy vote.

Uncle Curtis, you're so crazy.

Ha ha ha. Be quiet.

Put your headphones back on. Curtis?

What?

Is that true?

Look, baby--

- And pills? - Yes.

Curtis.

Look, we need a gimmick, OK?

We need a gimmick.

I want to win.

I am not a gimmick.

I am a singer.

Yes.

Whatever.

Now, please, I ain't never heard nothing

come out of your mouth--

[SINGING] Oh.

Oh.

OK.

OK.

All right.

I can work with that.

I can work with that.

OK, what we gonna do?

What we gonna do?

OK, give it to me again.

My mind's going.

Give it to me.

Give it to me again.

[squeaking]

OK, do it like you did it.

Like you just did it.

[squeaking]

Oh, no, that sucks.

Curtis.

Curtis, I think she blew her voice out.

Amateurs.

Janine.

I can still-- I can still perform.

I can do it.

Baby.

I can do this.

I can do it, Uncle Curtis.

No, the hell you can't.

You're like this.

You can't do it.

It's a wrap.

God said shut up.

See?

You should have just listened to Uncle Curtis and broke a leg.

Go take the trash out.

I can't hear you, you know, my music is playing and stuff.

Can you hear this?

Yep.

Thank you, baby.

Janine, come on, let's just go and get some tea, baby.

Maybe that'll fix it.

- That's a good idea. - Thank you.

I can't believe her. I cant believe her.

I can't believe you.

Hey, family.

Act natural.

Act natural.

Hey, baby, can you help me hang these fliers

for the talent show?

Janine would love to help you hang those talent show flyers.

She was just saying that.

Oh.

OK, yeah, but you know, this event is shaping up nicely.

I really want to impress the mayor.

It's going to be a wonderful event.

You think I'll be able to pull it off, baby?

Look, she can't even answer you, she's speechless.

And we're going to go into the kitchen and have some tea,

and not talk about it.

Wait, wait, I need some help with these fliers.

Oh, we'll be back before you know it.

Or not.

Wait a minute, hold it, Unc, just so we're clear,

the Payne Family Players are not performing, right?

The Payne Family Players are not performing, right.

OK.

The Payne Family Players are not performing right.

You said it.

The Payne Family Players are not performing right.

The Payne family Players are not performing right.

[mumbling] The Payne Family Players

are not performing right now.

Not right now.

We're not performing right now, CJ.

Yes. Yes.

Yes.

Thank you.

Y'all give it up for Fireman Johnson once again.

Yes.

We're going to go on and we're going

to continue this with our main event, our featured artist

Mack--

He didn't show up. He's not here.

He's not here? Well, what am I supposed to do?

Do something. I don't know.

Go ahead.

Man, you ain't write that on the program.

On second thought, this is what we're going to do.

We're going to bring up the man of the hour.

Yes, we are.

Please welcome to the stage your fire commissioner of Atlanta,

Cornelius Jaffray Payne.

That's my baby.

That is not my name.

Look here, it's on the program, all right?

Rewrite the program if you don't want

to put your name out there.

Thank you.

Thank you all so much for making this fundraiser

such a huge success.

Mr. Mayor, Congresswoman, Governor.

Governor?

He's here.

Come on, keep this moving.

All right.

OK.

Thank you so much, Commissioner.

Wow, that was abrupt.

All right, now, our next act, coming

all the way from backstage, give it up for Papa and the Poet.

You are not a poet.

Duh, I'm the Papa, brother.

They tried to silence me, but I am here.

The man tried to hold me down.

Curtis Payne is my oppressor.

The revolution will be televised.

Baby, stick to what we rehearsed.

Just follow my lead. Just follow my lead.

Wait. What?

An ode to motherhood.

Black is the color of my true love's skin.

Hungry is the state that my son is always in.

Huh?

Just keep hitting it.

I hate to sin.

Thank you.

Yes.

Yes.

Wow.

Powerful.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Thank you.

For real, he's still not here?

He's still not here.

Wow.

We'll flip something.

Ladies and gentlemen, I'm sorry, but Mack Tight

will not be here this evening.

I'm sorry.

Something about Las Vegas, an intern, a senator, and a llama.

But anyway, at this point, we're going to bring up

my favorite family all the way from down the street, please

welcome to the stage, my best friend and his wife, Mr.

Curtis and Ella Payne.

No.

No.

What happened?

Come on, baby.

Unc, you promised.

Promised what?

That you wouldn't do this.

I lied.

Praise the Lord, everybody.

Praise the Lord.

Please, don't do "The Devil Thought He Had It."

It's my theme song.

Don't hate.

[SINGING] The devil thought he had me.

Curtis.

OK.

Actually,

Oh, but I run.

Little off pitch, baby.

I'm sorry.

You know what?

Right now, I'd like to bring out the Payne family,

because we gonna do this as a family,

because that's what this function is all about.

Huh? - Yes.

Payne family, get on the stage right here.

Janine.

Janine.

OK, I'll split the money evenly.

Yes.

I told you.

I told you.

I told you it would work.

Yeah, you did.

Maestro.

[SINGING] The Payne family, did you know we pray together?

The Payne family, we laugh together.

When in need, we all come together.

When in trouble, we stand together.

The Payne family, we pray together.

The Payne family, we laugh together.

When in need, we all come together.

When we're in trouble, we stand together.

We're the Payne family.

Oh, you can do better than that.

Give it up, the Payne family.

Oh my.

That's how you win some money.

I mean, that's how you do it for charity.

The moment we've all been waiting for, the winner is--

I'm going to say the speech.

What?

It seems as though we have one more act.

What?

Please welcome to the stage Claretha and DeShawn.

Oh, no.

This can't be happening.

Give them fashion, baby.

Y'all ready?

DJ, hit it.

[RAPPING] It's your boy DeShawn

who [inaudible] the Paynes.

And since they took me in, my life has really changed.

I'm a part of the family, and things will never be the same.

But go ahead and change my name to D. Payne.

Uncle Curtis, you're the man.

You really are the best.

You always mad at me, but I love you like a dad.

Now, check me out.

An all library book, DeShawn on the verse,

Claretha on the hook.

On the rap, we rocking, tick tocking.

We trying to leave here with 10 grand in the pocket.

Just watch it.

Y'all haters, y'all can't stop it.

To all the other acts, y'all can't top this.

OK, and now the winner of the $10,000 prize

is DeShawn and Claretha.

I have to present to you the grand prize of $10,000.

Curtis, turn right around and give him that check.

I was just making sure it's legit.

Well, now that you have all this money,

what are your plans?

He's going to pay his tithes first,

and then we're going to open a savings account,

and buy him some clothes that fit.

I'm not keeping the money.

That's my boy.

That's him right there.

That's a Payne right there.

Double split.

60, 40.

I'm giving it to Miss Claretha.

Did she threaten you?

What?

No.

Mr. CJ planned this event to help people,

and that's what I did.

DeShawn agreed to do the talent show with me

because he wanted to help.

My house is in foreclosure.

I know what it's like not to have a home.

Thank you, DeShawn.