All language subtitles for Tyler Perrys House of Payne - S07E12 - Payneful Assistance WEBDL-1080p_track3_[eng]

No, no, no, no, no, no, no.

No, Ella.

One egg.
What?

OK, I need eggs.

I need more eggs.

[knocking on door] Hi, honey.

Hi.

I'll get it.

If you don't stop
kicking my door.

Hi, Miss Ella.

Mwah, mwah, mwah.

I have my home made brownies.

Wow.

What you makes these with, baby?

Eggs, butter, and rocks?

This weighs a ton.

Are they too heavy, Miss Ella?

I knew left 'em in the
microwave too long.

You put these
in the microwave?

Yeah, I just followed
the directions on the box.

"Box?"

I thought you said these
were homemade brownies.

Yeah, they are.

I opened the box, and
I made 'em at home.

Oh no, no, no,
no, no, no, baby.

You can not just make
anything for the bake-off.

Honey, no.

This is a big deal.

The winning recipe is going
to be featured in a magazine.

What?

Yes, we're gonna be televised
this year for the first time.

Ella, you didn't tell me!

Yeah, well, I figured that
you knew what you were doing.

I am never gonna get a
hair appointment by then and

my nails done and my toes done.

Miranda, baby, listen, honey.

You are totally
missing the point, OK?

This mother-daughter
bake-off is for the mothers

to pass the baking baton
on to the daughters.

On?

Yes.

Oh, baby.
- Sorry.

Yes, please.

So now this needs be washed.

All right, then.

So I figured you
could use a few tips.

Now, step one, you must take
your time in the kitchen.

Oh yes.

See, mixing and
measuring and rolling

and kneading takes time.

Or you could just
open a box and make it.

You know what?

Claretha tried that.

She took a store bought
pie to the competition

one year, before she got
kicked, out of course.

Why'd she get kicked out?

Because she took a store
bought pie to the competition.

Hey, Mr. Payne.

Oh, I forgot, you got
your tonsils taken out.

Yes, yes.

I know you're hungry, baby.

Curtis, Curtis,
Curtis, uh-uh-uh-uh!

Soft things only, baby,
until your throat heals.

Don't talk about this.

Miranda made 'em.

Yes, baby, beer is soft, but
you can't have that either.

Hold on, here.

You can have this.

Gelatin!

OK.

Curtis!

Curtis, they don't
put steak in gelatin.

You-- you understand
what he's saying?

Yes, even when he's cursing.

Did you see that?
- That?

It's cursing.

Miranda, whisking is
imported to baking,

because you don't want lumps
[phone ringing] in your cakes.

Hold on, one second.

One more second, I'm so sorry.

You have to whisk.

baby.

What are you doing?

Oh, let me talk to him.

Let me talk to him.

Hello, mommy's baby.

I like you.

Is that my grandbaby?

It is.

Oh, he is spitting,
and it is so adorable.

Hey, baby.

Well, listen.

Tell him to get
off the telephone,

because Nana is trying to
teach Mommy how to cook!

OK, baby.

I gotta go.

OK.

I'll call you back.

[smooches] OK.

Babe, easy.

Yup, I'm all yours.

The whisk, the bowl.

OK, we'll get your whisk.

Now, whisking.

There's a technique to this.

There's nothing in the bowl.

I know.

I'm rehearsing.

Oh, OK.

It's 3:00, 3:00, 6:00, 6:00,
and 9:00, 9:00, and 12:00.

3:00, 3:00, 6:00, 6:00,
9:00, 9:00, and 12:00.

3:00, 3:00, 6:00, 6:00,
9:00, 9:00, and 12:00.

3:00, 3:00, 6:00, 6:00,
9:00, 9:00, and 12:00.

And by that time--

6:00, 6:00, and 9:00,
9:00, and 12:00.

Miranda?

Hey, Miss Ella,
look what I found!

We have electric mixers
and electricity now.

Who knew?

Miranda I use both of these
things sometimes, honey,

but there are some methods that
you can just not substitute.

OK?

Now, check that
butter, please, and see

if it's room temperature.

Oh, it will be as
soon as I nuke it.

No, no, , no, no, no, no,
you cannot nuke this butter.

It has to sit out, Miranda.

OK, Miranda, this
process takes time.

OK, well, Miss Ella, time
is a luxury that I don't have.

I mean, with Calvin, and
the baby, and the house?

I mean, I don't have time
to be whisking, and welting,

and better, and stuff.

OK, so are you saying
that you don't have time

to do all of the
many things that I

did when I was a new mother?

It wasn't a problem
for me back then.

No, no, no, no, no, Miss Ella.

I'm just saying that now we
have modern conveniences.

So we don't have to
churn butter anymore.

"Churn butter?"

I think you're calling me old.

No, no.

Miss Ella, I promise you
I'm not calling you old.

I'm just saying that I can
do the same recipe faster.

That's all.

Oh, you can, can you?

Yeah.

Miss Ella, times have changed.

I can get more done in less
time and still have time to talk

on the phone to loved ones.

But you still need
to take your time.

[phone ringing]

OK, time out. let me
get my phone real quick.

Miranda, you need
to take your time,

baby, so that when
you finish you cookies

it won't look like--

Hey, girl.

Yeah, I'm not doing that.

I'm about to throw these
cookies together right quick.

It'll look like you just
threw some cookies together.

I'm-- I'm coming.

Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes.

Here.

Just lift-- could you help me?

OK.

God.

What?

You're thirsty?

You want arsenic?

Hey, babe.

Hey.

Oh, I didn't even
though he was here.

He's so quiet.

What's he doing here?

Trying to send
me into a relapse.

Hey, Uncle Curtis.

What's up, man?

How's your recovery going?

Getting plenty of water?

Obviously.

Right here.

Excuse me.

Bottled spring water
from the Ozarks,

precisely at room
temperature, no condensation.

There you go.

Wait minute.

You expect us to wait
on you like servants?

Yes.

All right, then.

Oh my goodness, if I
wasn't a Christian.

What, what?

Sandwich.

Turkey or ham?

Ham it is.

You got it.

He can't eat that.

He'll choke or-- or get sick.

And then he'll have to
go back to the hospital.

Two of 'em coming up.

Water, remote.

What's the foot card for?

Foot rub and pedicure.

And you've noticed this
wonderful form of communication

he's come up with, right?

What is this?

What?

You wanna go outside
and play catch?

He was trying to tell
you, you were in his way.

He couldn't see the game.

Idiot.

Don't shoot the messenger.

He said it.

Oh, Curtis, you know
your way around our house.

Now, Janine got a whole
family to take care of.

No, no, no, it's fine.
It's fine.

I'm OK.

I know he needs to
be comfortable so he

can get better and get out.

Right?

[phone ringing]

Now, you are a grown man.

We are not gonna
be spoiling you.

It ain't like I come over your
house and sit on the furniture

like I own it.

OK, maybe I do.

All right.

Hey, Uncle Curtis.

That was Aunt Ellen.

She needs you to go by the
store and pick up some eggs.

There you go.

You can take our car.

Take it as far as
you need to go.

We won't miss you.

I mean, it.

Hey, man.

I don't go to your house
and go in your refrigerator

and take food out of it.

What did he say?

Oh!

What did he say?

Uh-uh.

What did he say?

I'm a Christian.

I don't say those words.

Miss Ella, all done.

Already?

Yes, grandma's raisin
oatmeal cookie recipe.

Is that what these are?

And how did you
make them, again?

With the mixer and the oven.

Did you turn the oven on?

Of course, Miss Ella, to 500.

500?

So where should I put them?

In the garbage disposal.

What?

I have a proposal.

Hm?

Why don't you just
take these home.

You should not enter these
into some silly competition.

Oh, no, no, no, no.
I'm honored.

It's not a problem, Miss Ella.

Don't-- don't you want to
share these with your hubby?

Calvin would love them.

Oh, no, no, no, he has
enough sweets at the house.

it's OK.

Wish he had these
sweets at your home.

What?

I said, I leave you alone
for 10 minutes and blah,

we have cookies.

I know.

I even improved the recipe.

I bet you did.

Oh no, no no, no
no, no no, no no, no.

I want 'em to be a surprise,
so you will taste them later.

Now, I'll go get finished
setting up for the ladies

to come, and you go get dressed.

Come.
- OK.

The committee
will be here soon.

Let's go.

Yes, yes, yes, yes.

No, no, no, Mr. Payne!

We have to wait until
the ladies get here.

You can't have one yet.

OK, wait.

I know what that means.

They are to die
for, aren't they?

Thank you.

I don't care how
many times I do this.

I am just so nervous.

Oh, almost everything
looks so good.

Almost everything.

Oh.

How do I look?

Oh, like you usually do.

You're right, I do
need to change my shoes.

[doorbell rings]

Too late.

Oh.

OK, you ready?

Yes.

Hi, Carmen.

Come on in.

Hi.

Hello, dear.

Hi, Ve--

Carmen, that is my
daughter-in-love, Miranda.

Miranda, that's Carmen.

Hi.

And this is her
daughter, Veronica.

[sniffing]

Do I detect the overuse
of nutmeg, vanilla, and--

is that gelatin?

I just love her nose.

Veronica is a culinary student.

I'm passing on the
baking baton to her.

Really, Mother, must
we be so pedestrian?

"Pedestrian?"

Oh, um, so you know it's
such a pleasure to meet you.

I've heard so much about you.

Oh, really?

Like what?

Miranda, less is more in
baking and in conversation.

Oh, like you are a power
broker and a woman on the move.

Enough with the
kowtowing, for Pete's sake.

Is that the oversweetened
peach cobbler

and the diabetes-laced
sweet potato pie?

Let's partake.

I myself have truffles to shave.

Oh, I got some truffles
for her to shave,

all right, little girl.

Please, Miranda, just get
the desserts, get the desserts.

OK.

Oh, Carmen.

You remember my husband, Curtis.

Oh.

Oh, you didn't tell me your
husband was hearing-impaired.

He's not.

But he is charming.

No, he's not.

He had his tonsils taken
out, so he's a little hoarse.

Oh.

Please have a seat.

Oh, Ella.

Yes.

It was so excited
to hear that you were

bringing those famous oatmeal
raisin cookies back again

this year.
- You know what?

I didn't make them this year.

I did not.

And I'm making
citrus-infused creme brulee.

Well, I made great-grandmother
Naomi's oatmeal

raisin cookies this year.

Ella, I was
thinking that we would

add brownies to our
line of baked goods,

and that we would go--

Or we could sit around
all day and chew rocks.

Curtis, Curtis,
what are you doing?

What are you doing?

Mr. Payne!

Curtis, what are you doing?

Don't do this, Curtis.

Well, I suppose I have put
on a few pounds, but really!

Well-- well, I'm
really sorry about that.

- Maybe we should be going.
- Wait, wait, wait.

No, no.

You haven't had
anything to eat yet.

Well, Miranda-- well, honey.

No, honey.

Well, if they wanna go,
just let them go on and go.

Sometimes--

Miss Ella.

Here you go.

There you go.

All right.

I didn't make them this year.

I did not make them.
- I made them.

I didn't.
Yeah, she did.

[crunching]

Um.

[phone ringing]

Hello?

[mumbles] Yeah, no.

I know.

I'm sorry I didn't call you.

I'm just now getting
my voice back.

I've only had it
for like five days.

No, they still
think I can't talk.

Hey, let me tell you something.

I'm gonna milk this joint.

I know I can milk this at
least for another week!

OK.

[giggles] Oh my God.

Hey, Uncle Curtis.

How you doing?

How's your throat?

Feeling any better?

I got this.

You know, I know why
you're not healing as fast.

They said that calcium actually
slows the healing process.

Yeah.

So you don't wanna
get sick, you're

gonna have to let me
take this ice cream

and keep you from getting sick.

So you don't want that.

You know, between the pork you
ate earlier and this ice cream

here, we'll be all trying
to avoid each other, right?

How about a massage?

You want a massage?

Auntie Ella, just
wanted to let you know

that Uncle Curtis is doing fi--

fine.

He is wonderful.

Uh-huh.

Like a beached whale.

Yeah.

But listen, did I ever
tell you about the lady he

introduced me to named Bonita?

Yeah, Bonita, Bonita.

[mumbling]

Get out the way, you jerk!

Look, it was my
bachelor party, OK?

So what?

She was all hard
up, and I was drunk.

And then they said they
weren't gonna take pictures.

Then bulbs starting
flashing all over the place.

Suddenly I'm on the
altar, saying "I do."

Did I say that?

Ah!

That's a miracle.

So what?

I talk.

Yeah, I talk.

I said it.

Yeah, I talk.

Look, I deserve a
little pampering, OK?

Provided for 32
years, kept a roof

over both of y'all's heads.

I think I deserve a little--
a little break some time!

Hey, been retired two years!

How much of a break do you need?

You lied to us.

You owe us an apology.

- I'm sorry.
- I can't hear you.

What?

I said-- I said it.

I said "I'm sorry."

And 12 bottles
of expensive spring

water from the mountains.

You did that.

Well, you owe me a pension!

How about that?

I ain't about to--

I ain't about to.

Do you realize you asked me to
rub your nasty, corroded feet?

Ooh!

Do you know every time I tried
to do a little bit of work,

you clapped, clapped, clapped!

Clap, clap, clap, clap, clap!

Calm down, calm down.

It's gonna be all right.

OK.
OK.

All right.

Hey, Janine?

Yes?

Get off me!

OK.

Miss Ella, I'm sorry.

I guess I ruined it for you.

No, you didn't ruin it for me.

You did ruin the
family recipe, though.

Miranda, this was not just
about baking and cooking.

I just did not know how
big of a deal that this was.

Miranda, do you know how
many traditions have been lost

because they're not passed
down from one generation

to the next?

OK, how about we
start from scratch?

I will get a bowl, a whisk.

I will even sift the eggs.

Oh, you do not sift eggs.

But I guess I can
teach you something.

Oh, OK.

Teach me anything, Miss Ella.

I'm ready.
I'm ready.

I'm ready.

OK, good.

What I want you to do first is
grab that canister of cookies.

Got it.

Put them on a plate.

Spread them evenly.

OK.

- Take them home to Calvin.
- Mhm.

And tell him you made them.

[music playing]