Original subtitles

Okay, what'd I miss?

What'd I miss?

Well, the short, fat guy ran

Past the tall, hefty guy.

What about the big-boned

Girl?

She collapsed at

The finish line.

Man!

"From fat to fit" is the best

Reality show since

"Dancing behind bars."

Hey, uncle curtis, you should

Go on that show.

Oh, please.

This show's too easy for me.

If you notice, the contestants

Are a bunch of whiners, okay?

That's what they like.

If I got on there, I'd whip

Everybody, yell "Timber!"

And watch them fall.

Uncle curtis, you wouldn't

Last one week on "From fat to

Fit."

Between the diet and the female

Trainer...

[ loudly ] Yelling at you,

You'd crumble.

Jazmine, since when did you

Start wearing makeup, baby?

Please.

I've been wearing makeup since,

What, 7-2.

You weren't even born in '72.

Last saturday at 7:00 to

2:00.

Thank you, nephew.

My mom said it was okay to

Wear clear lip gloss.

Lip gloss today, clubs

Tomorrow.

Curtis, curtis.

What?

You know, uncle curtis, you

And auntie ella should do your

Own version of "From fat to

Fit."

You got to be fat to do that.

And unfit. Ha ha!

No.

Really, I would, but you know

Your uncle.

He cheats.

He wouldn't do it.

Baby, I'm a lot of things.

I might lie a little bit, and I

May be a glutton.

I may be an adulterer.

Wait, wait, wait.

You mean...

I was making sure you were

Listening.

Don't play.

Making sure you're listening.

Don't play.

One thing I am not is a

Cheater.

And I'm-a take you up on your

Little challenge.

How about that?

Okay. Good. You know what?

It's on, curtis.

Let it be on, then.

It's on, curtis.

Listen up, everybody.

Okay, here we go.

Whoever loses has to cook for

A month, clean for a month.

Get on with it.

The entire house, curtis...

Let's do it.

...And the garage.

Garage plus.

For a whole month.

Let's do it.

Okay, good.

You said "Lose"?

Tomorrow...

Okay.

...We start working out.

What -- what -- what?

For what?

We're working out to lose

Weight.

Baby, don't nobody work out

To lose weight no more.

It's back to the old-fashioned

Way.

I'm doing it like the models did

It.

Chuck it up.

Natural. Ha ha!

Do you know how much chucking

You gonna have to do?

I hope you remember I have

An appointment with my divorce

Lawyer this afternoon, so I need

You to be back in time to watch

Jazi.

No, no.

I have an appointment with my

Divorce lawyer, so you need to

Be back in time so you can watch

Jazi.

I'm not changing my

Appointment.

Look, I'm doing this for you.

I'm trying to accommodate --

You're not doing anything for

Me but letting me go to my

Appointment and leaving me alone

Right now.

Look, can we just work --

Are you guys arguing again?

No, baby.

We are just discussing who's

Gonna watch you tonight while me

And your mother go out.

Right.

Oh, so, you guys are, like,

Going on a date?

Yes.

No.

No.

Yes.

So, where you all going,

Then?

So, don't worry about it,

Then.

And what is that on your mouth?

Oh, it's lipstick.

Mom said I could wear it.

No.

Mom said lip gloss was okay.

And dad said no gloss is

Okay.

We talked about this.

But, dad, it looks pretty on

Me.

It looks pretty grown.

Now take it off.

Dad!

Jazmine.

Just do what he says.

Yes, ma'am.

Man, these kids all just

Growing up too fast, man.

They sure are, kid.

That's why I need you to come

Straight home from school so you

Can watch your sister.

Wha-- why do I have to watch

Her?

Because I said so.

But me and brandon are going

To the movies to watch

"Babies gone wild."

You coming straight home from

School so you can watch this

Baby right here or I'm-a go wild

All over you.

Okay.

Well, do I have to watch the

Twins, too?

No. They will be at calvin

And miranda's for a play date.

Oh, come on!

The twins are already going on a

Date, but I can't babysit

Myself?

I don't think so.

Come on, mom.

I'm not a little baby anymore.

I mean, I do my chores and I get

Good grades.

Yeah.

She's more responsible than me.

I mean, who do you think watches

Me when I'm watching her?

Me.

That's cute.

Listen, malik, come straight

Home after school, okay?

Both: but, mom!

What she said.

Both: but, dad!

Well, at least they agreed on

Something.

Ha.

You're so competitive, baby.

You're not gonna last 20

Minutes.

What are you doing here?

Oh, curtis brought me over

Here to make sure you didn't

Cheat.

Ha ha ha.

When have I ever cheated,

Curtis?

Well, he told me about the

Time when you was over in the

Men's football dorm--

Shut your face up.

No, I'm sorry.

Not appropriate.

Look, baby, this is just so

You don't start.

Okay?

Ha ha!

I mean, and everybody knows you

Got backsliding tendencies.

It's on the church bulletin

Board.

That's not funny, curtis.

That is not funny.

Well, look, let's go ahead

And get started.

Ella, go ahead and get on the

Scale.

Y a married woman.

Don't do all that.

You wish.

In your dreams, floyd.

Come on.

Weighing in in front of men.

Come on.

Write it down.

Okay. All right.

What is it? What is it?

Divide it by 2.

Oh.

What's this, baby?

Oh, curtis, that's tofu.

And what, pray tell, do you

Do with it?

You eat it, baby.

You mean you eat it.

Yes. I'm going to eat this.

I'm eating like a vegetarian so

That I can lose weight quicker,

Get healthier, and, most

Importantly, beat you.

Uh-oh.

Whatever.

Look, ain't nobody eating this

Mess.

Please.

Curtis, you don't have to,

Honey.

That's why I bought you all of

Your favorite things,

And they're in that bag.

Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh, good.

Thank you, baby. That's my baby.

You're welcome, baby.

Double chocolate-chip

Ice cream.

Uh-huh.

Bpc.

Bpcs.

Bpc?

Barbecued potato chips.

Oh.

And pork chops.

That's for you.

The other white meat.

Just for you.

Ha ha! That's my baby.

That's my woman, you heard me?

Okay.

That's my woman.

Yeah, it is.

That's how we roll.

Ha ha!

Yeah.

Oh, wait a minute.

You're trying to set me up?

You're trying to set me up.

No, I'm not, curtis. No.

What you up to?

Don't be looking so innocent.

I wouldn't --

Look at her face.

Who? Me?

Ha ha! Okay, you know what?

I'll tell you what, I'm gonna

Eat everything you eat and even

Way more.

All right?

I'm gonna be a veterinarian,

Too.

Okay, okay, okay, okay.

Well, then, baby, just say

Goodbye.

Give me this.

Say goodbye to all of your old

Friends.

You take it.

I'll say bye to them.

Okay.

Ain't no problem.

Bye, double chocolate.

Bye, bpc.

Barbecue chips.

Bye, pork.

The pork chops are hard.

I'm sure.

You gonna let go of pork chops

Altogether?

Not altogether.

All of them.

Draw 4. Reverse.

Draw 4 again.

Oh, you win again.

I hate this card game.

Why is it in japanese anyway?

Well, it's a japanese card

Game.

Oroko-mono?

And when did they start

Teaching japanese in public

Schools?

Hello!

It's the global economy.

[ cellphone rings ]

Hello?

What, you're already there?

Well, that sucks.

I'm still stuck-o in the house-o

With the pollo.

You are just loco.

Uh! You speak spanish, too?

El privacy, el girlie-o.

[ knock on door ]

Sandy. What are you doing here?

I was bored.

And my mom's working late.

So I came to see what jazmine's

Doing.

[ high-pitched voice ]

Oh, jazmine, you have company!

[ normal voice ] Yeah, man, I

Can't come.

Sandy's here.

She's 12, and jazmine's 12

And --

That makes 24.

And a 24-year-old is an adult.

I'm 12 1/2.

No, no.

The point is you can watch you

And you can watch you and I can

Go watch a movie.

And if you tell mom, I'll tell

Her about that makeup you

Pretend not to wear.

So, you want to play cards?

I know something that's more

Fun than cards.

What's more fun than cards?

Makeup.

Ooh!

I like that lipstick.

Yeah.

That color is perfect for you.

And you know what goes with

Makeup.

Extensions!

No. Boys.

Watch.

Who are you calling?

Some friends.

So, uh, jazmine, have you

Ever kissed a boy?

[ chuckles ]

Oh, no, sandy, we need to talk.

Come on.

Let's go.

Look, I'm not supposed to have

Boys over here.

Relax.

Look, you'll feel more

Comfortable once you get to know

Dante.

He won't bite.

Really?

'cause he looks like the poster

Child for rabies.

Andre, can you come outside

With me while dante and jazmine

Talk?

So, take a seat.

I want to know all about you.

The only thing you need to

Know is that both my parents

Work for the fire department

And they will set you on fire.

That's what's up.

What, being a burn victim?

Nah, that your parents are

Still together.

My folks got divorced 5 years

In the game, baby.

I think my parents might get

Divorced.

Welcome to the club, shorty.

See, that's something we have in

Common.

Like, is it bad?

I mean, do you wish they were

Still together?

See, I don't need my mom and

My dad.

I'm the perfect example of a kid

Raising himself.

Is that a tattoo on your

Neck?

Hard, ain't it?

Why does it say "Hug life"?

My mom didn't give me the

Money to buy the "T."

Oh, yeah. You're real hard.

But, see, that's what you

Need to help you get through

This.

You need a little thug in your

Life.

I like that lipstick on you.

Uh, thank you?

I know why you're wearing it.

Why?

The reason why all girls wear

Makeup and lipstick.

Because they like boys.

Jazi, I forgot my --

Yo, what you doing?!

Whoa. What are you doing?

Jazmine, who is this?

Yeah, jazmine.

Who is this, and why is he so

Strong?

I don't think I got my

Invitation to the party.

Oh, yeah. I'm busted.

Come on, el, let's do this.

Exercise ball. Let's go.

Come on. All right.

Here's what you're gonna do.

You're gonna take the ball.

You're gonna throw it to him.

You're gonna twist.

You're gonna throw it back, and

You're gonna twist.

Throw it back. All right.

Just like that.

Throw him the ball.

There it is. Oh!

Curtis!

You have to do it twice, curtis.

I have to throw it to you again.

Let me throw it to you.

Don't throw it so hard!

Okay.

All right. Just like this.

Like that. Throw it.

Throw it back.

Twist and throw it.

Ooh.

There it is. There it is.

Well, no, no, no.

And down.

Up...And down...

And up.

Down...

6...

Up.

Here are your gloves.

Ready? Go.

Windmill, curtis. Windmill.

Time.

And we ain't gonna do that.

It's really simple.

[ squeaking ]

You ready?

1...2...3...

There you go.

1. Uh, uh!

There you are.

There it is.

Uh! Swing. Swing.

Get them up. Come on.

That's it. That's it. All right.

There you go. Come on.

Come on. Come on. Come on.

Come on. Come on.

Ella. Ella?

El--

Why are children running out

Of my house?

What's going on here?

Your daughter had boys in the

House while we weren't home.

And she got a "Paint by numbers"

Set on her face because you told

Her that she could do it.

I only said lip gloss.

Well, you shouldn't have told

Her she could do that.

Jazmine, you know you're not

Supposed to have people in the

House when we're not here.

And then, on top of that, you

Had boys over here?

Well, you know, technically,

Boys are people.

You really don't want to do

That.

You don't want to do that, okay?

I've taught you better than

That.

What were you thinking, jazmine?

I'm sorry, okay?

I just wanted to spend time and

Have fun with somebody.

I mean, you're never home.

And if you are, dad barely talks

To you.

It never used to be like this.

I mean, I don't even understand

What's going on.

Why can't we just hang out like

We used to, like a family?

I'm scared.

I don't want us to be apart

Again.

Jazi? Jazi.

Well, let me go check on

Them.

A man's work is never done.

Uh, playboy, where do you

Think you're going?

Far, far away.

Did you ever think that

Something could have happened to

Your sister?

But the boys weren't over

Here when I left.

I mean, how was I supposed to

Know?

What is wrong with you?!

You were supposed to know

Because you were supposed to be

Here.

Anything could have happened.

I want you to go on the internet

And I want you to look up every

Situation where little girls

Were abducted, hurt, and abused

Because they were left alone.

But, dad --

Do it.

Hey.

Hey.

How's jazi?

Better.

You know, um...

Our kids need us.

Yeah.

Maybe...We can work this out?

Come here.

I'm so sorry.

Do you know how much I love you?

Yes.

It'll never happen again.

I'm really sorry, guys.

I knew better, and I was wrong.

It's all right. Come here.

We have made it through way

Worse than this.

Thank you.

You're welcome.

Look at that.

She comes with a tissue for you.

Mm-hmm.

Now, we gonna get through

This, all right, as a family.

You didn't wash your face?

Oh.

Yeah. Get that off.

You better go wash your face.

[ laughter ]

I love you guys.

I love you, too, baby.

Big fella.

Run in place. That's it.

Keep it mo-- unh-unh. No, no.

Don't slow down.

Now, keep it moving.

That's it, ella.

No, no, no. Baby, come on.

Keep going. Keep going.

For how long?!

Come on, now.

Look, don't stop moving, all

Right?

Okay. I know how to keep it

Moving.

Would you stop, please?

Ugh! Okay, okay.

Okay. You can stop.

You can stop.

He can stop. What about me?

What about me? What about me?

So violent.

Okay, you can stop.

You can stop.

My goodness gracious.

Feels great.

Well, you know what?

It's come to the big moment.

Time for the final weigh-in.

Ha ha!

You first?

All right. Ladies first.

Tried to cut my head off.

Not much weight in your head.

Ready?

Here we go.

Drumroll, curtis.

[ imitating drumroll ]

Wow.

What?

You've lost 5 pounds.

Yes! Yes!

That's what I'm talking

About.

Is that it?!

Ha ha!

You lost 5 pounds, baby?

That's all?

I'm being encouraging.

Well, curtis, let's see.

Don't need nobody to

Encourage her.

She the one did the challenge.

Okay. All right.

Encourage what?

Let's see what you got.

Let's see what you lost, curtis.

Let's see what it is.

All right. Come on, now.

Come on, curtis.

Just get on the scale.

Baby, I'm-a get --

Don't rush me.

He's scared.

You scared. Hee hee!

Both feet flat.

All the way on it.

Yes, yes.

Come on. Read it. Read it.

Read it.

Ah, okay.

What'd it say?

You've lost a grand total

Of one pound.

Yes! Yes!

Whoo!

Ha ha ha!

Are you sure that's what it

Said?

Hey, listen, curtis.

I must be retaining water.

Oh, listen, that garage is

So dirty.

Ha ha ha!

Oh, and look at this house.

It's so unclean.

For a whole month, curtis.

A whole month.

Hi. I'm cassi davis.

And since the beginning of

"House of payne," I have lost

More than 75 pounds.

No surgery, no fad diets, just

Simply working out, changing my

Diet, and committing myself to

Healthy living.

It's not easy, but every day, I

Am praying, crying, fighting,

And swimming my way to a

Healthier me.

If you are like me and you'd

Like to change your life, join

Me on this journey.

Get active, cut back the

Calories, and take care of

Yourself.

Little changes can give huge

Results.

Let's all get healthier.

Life is but a moment.