Original subtitles

[MUSIC]

[MUSIC]

[MUSIC]

[SOUND]

[MUSIC]

[SOUND]

[MUSIC]

[SOUND]

[MUSIC]

[SOUND]

[MUSIC]

>> [FOREIGN] >> What the hell was that?

>> Hello, hello, how are you?

Nice weather we are having today.

>> Nice weather?

You think we're having nice weather?

I guess you didn't lose the only one that meant anything in your life.

I guess you don't feel burned out by the human misery and despair perpetrated by

the criminal vermin that infest every pore of this decaying city.

Forcing you to guzzle cheap wine and cheaper whiskey to dull the pain that

shatters your heart, rips at your soul, keeps your days forever gray.

What flavor ice you got today?

>> Kiwi cherry.

>> Kiwi cherry.

>> Yuck.

[MUSIC]

[SOUND]

>> Baby.

[MUSIC]

[FOREIGN]

>> Excuse me.

>> Yes sir.

>> Do you have any of these in taupe?

>> No taupe, beef jerky.

>> And you call this a convenience store?

[MUSIC]

>> I am.

>> Open up the cash register or I'll splatter your brains.

Take it easy.

>> Excuse me.

[MUSIC]

>> Is Scuzzball's mind if I join in?

[MUSIC]

[SOUND]

[MUSIC]

[FOREIGN]

[MUSIC]

I know what you're thinking, punk.

You're thinking, did he fire 173 times or 174?

Well, do you feel lucky, punk?

[SOUND]

[FOREIGN]

You guys gotta get that thing fixed.

[FOREIGN]

I know, I know, don't thank me.

Mr. Cop, doing his job.

[FOREIGN]

[MUSIC]

[MUSIC]

>> You've reached the desk of Sergeant Wes Luger.

Please leave a message after the beep.

>> Yeah, Wes, it's me, Billy.

>> Hey, I said after the beep.

>> Excuse me.

Listen, it's 937.

[SOUND]

937.

Look, it's just getting too dangerous to wait here.

I gotta get out.

Meet me at the Squealers Hotel in about 45 minutes.

I have a contact there.

[SOUND]

[COUGH]

Who is it?

>> Wilderness girls.

[MUSIC]

Wilderness girls.

>> Little late to be selling cookies.

>> [FOREIGN]

>> I'll take a couple of boxes.

>> That won't be necessary, Ms. York.

[MUSIC]

>> I gotta be honest, you look better in the wig.

>> My hairstyle is the least of your worries.

>> Wilderness girls, eh?

So that's how you're moving the drugs.

>> Brilliant, Ms. York.

Now, where is the microfilm?

The microfilm.

>> I don't know anything about any microfilm.

>> Don't play coy with me.

This is too important, and this is the plot.

>> Important enough so

that anyone within earshot should listen to each and every detail?

>> That important.

>> And you're talking about the microfilm which holds the recipe for

turning cocaine into innocent looking cookies?

>> Yes.

>> I don't know anything about it.

>> In a little while, Ms. York, you will be begging for mercy.

>> No, no, I'll beg now.

>> Save yourself unnecessary pain.

Tell me.

>> McCracken.

>> Thank you, Ms. York.

[SOUND]

>> Is it Dan McCracken or Mike McCracken?

>> Mike.

[SOUND]

>> Is he on Alpine or Oak?

>> Alpine.

[SOUND]

>> Eight.

Park on third, you'll never find a spot on Alpine.

>> Thank you.

You have been most cooperative.

>> Don't mention it.

[SOUND]

>> And you remember, you saw nothing.

[MUSIC]

[SOUND]

>> Together.

>> Beats me, Sarge.

Dandruff, seborrhea, maybe just dry itchy scalp.

>> Have you tried this herb?

I use it.

>> Head and shoulders?

Sarge, you don't have dandruff.

>> I know.

[MUSIC]

>> Will it be, matte finish or glossy?

Matte, good choice.

Be ready in about a week.

>> So what are we looking at here, Doc?

>> The worst dressed stiff I've ever seen.

>> This stiff and I pounded a beat together for five years, so

show some respect.

>> I'm sorry, Wes.

You know, I see so much of this senseless man that sometimes I get a little

insensitive.

All right, this loser has taken the chicken shit way out and

punched her own ticket.

>> Suicide, huh?

She must have caught herself by surprise.

>> Found these on the floor near her.

>> Little dinner's girl cookies.

>> Could you give me a hand?

>> Sure.

[SOUND]

>> Thanks.

[MUSIC]

[SOUND]

>> You knew her, Sarge?

>> Yeah, I knew her.

She was my partner.

>> I'm sorry, Sarge.

Hey, hey, Sarge, it's tingling.

>> Good, Irv.

That means it's working.

[MUSIC]

[SOUND]

[MUSIC]

[MUSIC]

>> Here's to get through another lousy day.

[MUSIC]

Claire.

Claire, I miss you so much.

I'm trying, Claire.

God knows I'm trying.

But it's too damn hard without you.

Get the bastards that took you.

[MUSIC]

>> This must be a distress line.

This guy's got 14 pounds on him.

>> No, he had fuller lips, pouting lips, wide eyes.

Yes, that's him.

>> Hey, Dooley, give it a break, man.

>> What's going on?

>> Dooley hears better so he can escape in 15 minutes.

>> How long's he been at it?

>> Three days.

>> Better step on it, Dooley.

>> What the hell is this?

[INAUDIBLE]

What the hell you want, mother?

>> I want the York case.

>> There's no York case, it was a suicide, copy?

>> No thanks.

>> Cappuccino, espresso?

[SOUND]

Hey, Scotty, can you get this machine to work?

>> I'm giving it all she's got, Captain.

If I push it any harder, the whole thing will blow.

>> Give them to my plate.

>> I don't think York was a suicide.

She was onto something.

>> Oh, something is more like it.

You know, those willingness guys cooking with lace with cocaine.

>> No wonder I couldn't eat just one.

>> York left me a message.

She'd uncovered a drug running operation.

I think that's what got her killed.

>> You don't think it was the bullets?

>> Give me the case.

>> They're days from retirement.

Let it go.

>> Let it go?

York was a partner, a friend.

I owe her.

I owe it to every cop who's ever walked a beat.

Every cop who's ever made a bust, who's ever laid his life on the line.

>> Wait a minute.

I'm the captain here.

I do all the yelling.

But if it's that important to you, take the damn case.

>> Thank you.

Thank you, Captain.

>> Don't be so fast to thank me on this, Luca, because you're going to be nagging on this one.

It's on the line for you.

People are going to be watching.

Now you blow it, you're going down.

You screw up, you're going to be hung out the drive.

You drop the ball, you're going to be like twisting in the wind.

If you embarrass this department, your pants will be dancing with figs.

Is that clear?

>> Everything but the pants fig thing.

>> And one other thing.

Nakura sent it over one of that burnout psychos

to look into the willingness girl cookies.

I'm teaming in with you.

>> Captain, you know I work alone.

>> You get the case, you get Jack Coats.

[MUSIC]

>> Cigarette!

>> Cigarette hit the floor!

>> I can't resist it.

[MUSIC]

>> Hey, you bet go!

>> Easy.

>> That's Lugo's new partner.

>> Captain, you can't seriously be thinking of using this man.

He's dangerous, a menace, a loose cannon, a walking time bomb.

Most of all, he is gun happy.

[SOUND]

>> Where do you get off saying that?

[MUSIC]

>> I give up.

>> There's someone you better talk to if this case involved cookies.

>> Not him.

>> Yeah.

[MUSIC]

>> You know the rules.

Do not touch the glass.

Do not handle any sharp instruments, power tools, sewing materials, or condiments.

[MUSIC]

Make sure you stay to the left when you walk down a hall.

He's in the last cell.

[MUSIC]

>> The right, I'm in state of the right!

[MUSIC]

[SOUND]

[MUSIC]

>> Untie my pattern.

>> What?

>> Untie my pattern.

>> Papa?

>> Untie my pattern.

>> Is it a code?

An obscure foreign language?

[SOUND]

Ouch.

So this is Mr. Screw with your brain, eat your spleen, wear your flesh as a hairnet leecher, huh?

Well, look who's Mr. Scaredy Pants now.

[SOUND]

>> Identification, please.

[MUSIC]

Closer.

Closer.

Please, sit.

[MUSIC]

>> Dr. Leecher, we need to ask you-

>> There's someone out there again, isn't there?

A bad boy with pastries.

>> Yes.

[MUSIC]

>> Hi, Karate.

You wear that sometimes, don't you?

But not today.

Today, it's mentholated deep heat rub.

You order chef salad with dressing on the side.

You have a young, attractive wife with perky breasts, a nine-year-old son, and a 16-year-old daughter.

>> Who told you that?

>> I saw that picture in your wallet.

>> We came here to talk about cookies.

>> Quid pro quo, Mr. Colt.

>> What's that mean?

>> It means I'm pretentious.

Tell me about the worst meal you've ever eaten, Mr. Colt.

Quick.

>> It was a fish sandwich at-

>> Don't tell him anything.

Now, can you help us?

>> You hold the key, Mr. Colt.

Look into yourself for an answer to the cookie concern.

Look to a man with whom you were involved.

>> No, no. Not him.

>> It was in Vietnam.

No, no. You disappoint me, Mr. Colt.

It was Mortars. General Mortars.

>> Wait a minute. I never-

>> I didn't mean that kind of involvement.

>> Oh.

>> You were under his command.

Mortars was once a patient of mine.

I taught him not to internalize his rage, to express his anger.

>> You taught him well.

>> Quite.

After our last session, he started the Vietnamese war.

Seek him out.

And when you find him, please,

I would love to eat his cookies

with some fava beans and a nice chilled fresca.

[

>> I just got to ask, what does human flesh taste like?

>> Chicken.

>> So are we going to see Mortars?

>> What, follow the lead of some psychotic, mind-twisting jumpsuit-wearing sociopath?

Forget it. I've only got 48 hours.

>> Wrong, Sarge. 47 hours. 29 minutes.

>> I'm looking to find a man that killed my ex-carpet.

All I know is she was supposed to meet some stoolie at the Squealers Hotel.

What I don't need is some hotshot cowboy from-

>> No, Primey!

>> Not validated.

>> What?

>> Validated.

>> What I don't need is some hotshot cowboy from Narco getting in my way.

You got it?

>> Listen, pal, you're not the only one who's lost a partner.

>> You got anything smaller?

>> Keep it.

>> Anything larger?

>> Yeah.

>> Clara and I rode together for seven years.

>> York and I were in academy together.

Then we partnered for five years.

Before that, we dodged the draft together.

Before that, we played high school football together.

Before that, we were in grade school together.

And before that, we breastfed together.

>> So what happened to your partner?

>> The hell of it is, I don't know.

Came home one night and she was gone.

>> You two were living together?

>> Hell, she used to sleep on my feet and lick my toes.

Though sometimes she'd forget about me and just lick herself for hours.

>> Personally, I don't think it's such a good idea to get that involved with your partner.

>> Hey, pal, you try not getting involved with a partner who saves your life one minute and then nuzzles your crotch the next.

>> Well, Billy and I didn't have that kind of relationship.

She left the force about five years ago and we didn't see each other much after that.

But when we did get together, she was always excited to see me.

>> When Claire was excited to see me, she'd be on my leg.

>> What do you think happened to her?

>> Maybe she just took off.

I hadn't been paying enough attention to her.

I realized how neglected she felt the night she shit in my shoes.

But my gut tells me we were getting too close to someone.

When she disappeared, I had a feeling we were being followed.

>> You may be right. I think they're being followed now.

Don't look. Just play it cool.

>> So, uh, did you catch that Stallone retrospective at the Omni?

>> No. Sounds fascinating, though.

I'm gonna try and lose him.

>> Nice driving.

>> Thanks.

[music]

[music]

[music]

[music]

[music]

>> General.

>> How's your health, Mike?

>> Fine.

>> Sea monkeys?

>> Piranha.

>> Their lives exude a beautiful simplicity, savage, ruthless,

existing only to devour and destroy, to taste blood, to rend flesh.

Sounds like me, right?

[laughs]

[splash]

[yelps]

[laughs]

>> In its own environment, the piranha is a ferocious killer in mind,

just a helpless little fish.

There's a lesson to be learned from that, don't you think?

Mike...

I have a concern that you might alleviate.

It seems a certain information was shared with an individual

who might have jeopardized the cookie operation.

While that individual has been eliminated...

we have yet to recover a very important item.

Where's the microfilm, Mike?

>> I don't know.

When I gave it to York, I thought she was one of your men.

>> Act and haste, repent and leisure.

>> But he who hesitates is lost.

>> Never judge a book by its cover.

>> What you see is what you get.

>> Loose lips sink ships.

>> Life is very short, and there's no time for fussing and fighting, my friend.

[TV plays in background]

>> Sorry, Mike, no good.

You've been careless.

I'm sloppy.

We just can't have that.

Where's the microfilm, Mike?

[sobs]

[gun cocks]

[gunshots]

[screams]

>> Does this have anything to do with the Billy York killing?

>> Nah, domestic dispute.

>> Okay, I'm gonna try and talk him out.

>> Hold him fire until I give the order.

>> Can I have one that's made in America, please?

>> You up there.

I'm ordering you to throw your hands down and come out with your weapons up.

[gunshots]

[gunshots]

[gunshot]

>> Who fired that shot?

>> Sergeant.

>> That was me.

>> Give me the gun.

>> Let me see how this just--

>> Give me the gun.

When you learn to follow orders, you can hide back.

Oh, so we think that's funny, do we, Officer Davis?

Well, maybe we'd all like to know what's so funny.

Maybe Officer Davis can make us all laugh.

>> Nice to see all those smiling faces out there.

Say, what do you call 2,000 lawyers at the bottom of the sea?

A good start.

[laughs]

Say, why'd the guy give a name to his penis?

He didn't want a stranger making most of his decisions.

[laughs]

Thanks a lot. You've been great.

Make sure he doesn't get any donuts.

[upbeat music]

>> Could have gone a little lighter on the guys.

>> That's how it starts, Colt.

You lighten up, next thing you know,

all the rules are out the window.

>> Tight ass.

>> You say something?

>> Uh-uh.

Pencil neck.

Butt head.

[upbeat music]

>> What is it with you guys?

I run a respectable place.

What do you rost in me for?

I got friends downtown.

I don't know what you're talking about.

We haven't said anything yet.

>> I got nothing to say.

>> Park that time, buddy.

I'm Sergeant Colt, this is Sergeant Luger.

>> You know a woman by the name of Billy York.

You got a picture?

>> Here we go.

>> That her?

>> No, that's a picture.

>> No, don't know her.

Well, maybe this will refresh your memory.

I don't know.

She's a little out of focus.

[gunshots]

>> Is this the Billy York informant shootout?

>> I don't know, I just got here.

Wait a second.

Hey Larry.

Larry!

[gunshot]

>> Is this the Billy York informant shootout?

>> No, check out the third floor.

>> Thanks.

>> Beat it.

This is an FBI case.

All right, bring him on out.

>> See the Billy York informant?

>> Get your shit together, will ya?

That's Becker, 403.

>> Hey you!

Not so fast.

That's better.

>> Oh, I'll handle this.

All right Becker, open up!

Police!

[gunshots]

[music playing]

>> Now that we've tried it your way, let's try mine.

>> What is it?

>> Room service!

>> Oh.

What, what, what?

I don't know nothing.

I didn't see nothing.

I ain't saying nothing.

>> Nothing.

The word is nothing, not nothing.

There's an ing on the end of it.

Nothing.

>> Okay, nothing.

Nothing.

Nothing.

Nothing.

Okay, you happy?

>> That's better.

That's not what you told York.

>> I don't know no York.

And where's my food?

>> We ate it.

And please, no double negatives.

>> Sorry.

I don't know any York.

>> You don't know any York?

These matches say you're lying.

>> Oh.

>> York.

>> She was supposed to meet you here the night she died.

>> Why?

>> That's where I live.

>> Yeah, but why you?

>> Because the other guy couldn't come up with the security deposit.

>> So what do you know about a piece of microfilm?

>> It's small and brittle and it's used in a lot of Bond films.

All right, all right.

I did some money laundering for you.

Standard ex-military psychotypes.

>> Give me a name.

>> What, are your parents supposed to do that?

>> Who are you working with, Becker?

>> I can't say.

There's been three attempts in my life.

>> Come with us.

There won't be any more, at least no successful ones.

>> All right, but listen, you got to understand something.

This thing is big.

I mean, it's really big.

It's bigger than Watergate.

It's bigger than Oprah.

I mean, it's big.

And there's nothing you can do because they're too strong

and they're too powerful and they're too --

Je ne sais quoi.

>> We can protect you.

Le comadie et fini.

>> Guess that's the last time he'll trust a cop.

>> Give it to me straight.

Is this it, the big check out?

Come on, level with me.

How bad is it?

>> It's not bad.

You'll be fine.

You'll be back on your feet in no time.

[ Music ]

>> Don't bury me.

I'll only be a minute.

>> Yes, sir.

[ Music ]

>> Okay, you do just a little pulse together.

Okay, big smile.

Beautiful, beautiful.

>> They bought it right away.

Those two tried to make a getaway.

They gave me a new partner, too.

[ Barking ]

This is Sport.

>> Hi, girl.

>> She likes you.

>> I've done worse.

[ Barking ]

>> What are we looking at here?

>> A mixed breed, Rottweiler and Chihuahua.

I guess they use some kind of lubricant.

>> I'm talking about the case.

>> Oh, same sport makes me think I could love again.

>> What do you have there?

>> Oh, I'm not sure, Sarge.

It's a nagging, itching, burning sensation.

>> How the hell do you expect?

Your foot's on fire.

[ Chattering ]

>> Hey, what you got, Sarge?

>> Nothing solid.

You got any theories?

>> E equals MC squared.

>> Anything of your own?

>> No.

I'll tell you, Sarge, something just doesn't add up.

>> What?

>> My wife and I haven't had sex for two years.

I have a six-month-old daughter.

>> Herb, Herb, you're getting too suspicious.

This job will do that to you.

>> You're right, Sarge.

Thanks.

[ Chattering ]

[ Music ]

[ Chattering ]

[ Music ]

>> Goodness.

>> Hey, buddy, want to give me a hand?

>> I don't know.

This may look like a suicide,

but my gut tells me there's something else going on here.

[ Chattering ]

>> Hey, uh, I got five steps.

>> Damn, my crackin's missing.

Hey, hey, has anyone seen my crackin's body?

>> Thanks for the help, Lefty.

>> I need a little help here.

He didn't just get up and walk away.

>> What?

>> Come on, I got something important to show you.

[ Music ]

>> So, what's the big news?

>> See this?

This ring was given out to a CIA front and now run by General Mortors.

When the VC tried financing the war with cocaine, they went in and burned it.

Twelve years later, after they sobered up,

General Mortors and his men went into the drug business for themselves.

>> They could--

>> I just could never prove it.

>> So, are you telling me that you took evidence from the scene of a criminal investigation?

>> You want to crack this case or not?

>> Not by making up the rules as I go.

>> Sometimes, pal, those are the only rules that work.

[ Explosion ]

Good thing we use valet parking.

>> Taxi!

[ Explosion ]

>> Guess we're making somebody nervous.

>> Tell you what, it's going to take a lot more than a couple of car bombs to get us off this case.

>> Not a hell of a lot more.

[ Music ]

>> Hey, Luger, don't worry about all this bomb stuff.

It happens to me all the time.

>> I'm not worried about the bomb stuff.

I'm trying to figure out what to tell my wife about her car.

[ Music ]

>> Understand, gentlemen, if you wish to do business with us, you must take the entire shipment.

>> Test the merchandise.

[ Music ]

>> Half the payment now, half tomorrow, half undelivered.

The price is not negotiable.

The merchandise is satisfactory, yes?

[ Music ]

Good, then we can do business.

>> Use the vista card and get frequent flyer miles.

>> The shipment will be prepared and boxed Friday evening and ready for shipping Saturday.

>> I'll need a signature and daytime fill number.

>> It's a pleasure doing business with you.

>> Not so fast.

[ Music ]

The carbons.

>> Oh, smart man.

[ Music ]

I like doing business with smart men.

[ Music ]

They know never to screw with me.

[ Music ]

>> There's something between you and this General Moritz.

>> He was my CEO and CIA listed him as MIA, but the VA IDed him.

Oh, and we put out an APB.

>> Oh, I see.

[ Music ]

May I help you?

>> You can't be.

Not Mary O'Brien, the buck-toothed, freckled-faced, pig-tailed little girl I knew in the fifth grade.

>> No, I'm not.

May I help you?

>> I'm Sergeant Luger.

This is Sergeant Colt.

These are our wallets.

Metropolitan Police.

We'd like to speak to whomever is in charge.

>> Follow me.

[ Music ]

>> Miss Domena will be right with you, gentlemen.

Help yourself to some cookies.

[ Music ]

>> Let me do the talking.

I've eaten her cookies.

>> You're the boss.

[ Music ]

>> Detectives Colt and Loser?

>> Luger.

>> Oh, sorry.

Lugy.

[ Music ]

Why don't you make yourselves at home?

[ Music ]

No, I meant why don't you sit down and tell me what you want?

Can I get either of you something to drink?

>> Just water.

>> No, thanks.

>> We are investigating a felony, Miss Domena.

>> Oh, sounds violent.

I hate violence.

[ Music ]

Anyone for snow cones?

>> Thanks.

[ Music ]

During the course of investigating two homicides,

we found boxes of Wilderness Girl cookies.

They were laced with cocaine.

>> Oh, my.

That's horrible.

But surely you can't suspect the Wilderness Girls

of somehow being responsible?

>> I can.

I'd like for you to come downtown and answer a few questions.

>> Okay.

This is downtown.

>> Headquarters.

You can have your attorney present.

>> Why would I need my attorney?

[ Music ]

May I change before I go?

>> Sure.

[ Music ]

>> You should always wear your hair down.

>> For you, I always will.

>> Look, lady, you may think you can divert our attention

from this case, but you're wrong.

We see through your tricks.

Now move it.

[ Footsteps ]

>> Do you run the Wilderness Girls?

>> Yes.

>> Is your money raised selling cookies?

>> Yes.

>> Do you know General Mortars?

>> Well, I drive a Buick.

>> No, no, that's General Mortars.

General Mortars.

[ Music ]

>> No.

>> And that's one down, nine to go.

>> Hey, don't mind me.

Just keep doing what you're doing.

We're a team.

We work together.

Hey, honey, nice outfit.

Points out all the tourist attractions.

>> Didn't you die?

>> I thought this was a sequel.

>> Misdemeanor, this would not be a good time to lie.

>> Now's not a good time.

When is?

>> I don't know the meaning of the word lie.

>> Who's the last man to bat over 400?

>> Ted Williams.

>> What did Shassy and Sonny?

>> Did Oswald act alone?

>> Do you need help shaving your legs?

>> Show a little respect.

>> So how many men have you slept with?

[ Music ]

>> Five, maybe six.

>> Not a lot for this day and age.

>> It's been a slow week.

>> Do you know Bill York?

>> Who cares?

Do you sleep in the nude?

>> Only when I'm naked.

>> How do you feel about the designated hitter role?

>> I hate it.

It undermines the purity of the game.

I like pure things.

[ Music ]

They give me pleasure.

>> Here we go, guys.

[ Music ]

>> We've detained Miss Demina long enough.

You can go now.

Sorry I troubled you.

>> I'm no trouble, detective.

But I'm going to need transportation home.

Anybody want to give me a ride?

>> Back off.

[ Music ]

>> If I were you, I wouldn't leave town.

>> Oh, I won't.

I live here.

>> Sorry if it was a little rough on you.

>> You're just doing your job.

And I'm just a gal like any other gal.

I want a home, a family, an occasional spanking.

>> I used to roll up newspaper to spank Claire once.

>> Thanks for bringing me back.

It was nice meeting you.

>> Nice meeting you, too.

[ Music ]

>> I hope it was a successful performance.

>> Yeah.

>> Good.

>> I think we may have stumbled on the whereabouts of the microfilm.

Mr. Dixell, use your powers of persuasion and see

if Sergeant York left our two police friends a little memento.

[ Clap ]

>> They're not on to you.

No more innocent people have to suffer.

>> You're letting compassion intrude.

It's an unbecoming trait.

[ Music ]

>> Drop your gun, Mr. Kilt.

[ Gunshot ]

[ Gunshots ]

>> Who the hell are you?

>> I am your worst nightmare.

>> No. Waking up without my penis is my worst nightmare.

>> Okay. All right.

So I'm not your worst nightmare, but I'm right up there.

Now, where is the microfilm?

>> What's going on here?

>> Drop your gun, Mr. Lugar.

>> I don't have one.

>> You are not carrying a weapon?

>> Don't believe in them.

[ Gunshot ]

>> Pick up the gun.

[ Music ]

Drop the gun, Mr. Lugar.

>> Don't do it.

Drop the gun or I shoot your partner.

>> He's going to shoot me anyway.

If you drop it, we're both dead.

Do it, Wes.

Shoot him.

Come on, shoot him.

Shoot him, shoot him, shoot him.

>> Shoot him, shoot him, shoot him.

>> Shoot him, shoot him, shoot him.

>> Shoot him, shoot him, shoot him.

[ Music ]

>> Drop the gun.

[ Gunshots ]

>> Get the car.

[ Music ]

>> Freeze.

[ Gunshots ]

[ Music ]

[ Gunshots ]

[ Music ]

[ Tires screeching ]

[ Music ]

[ Tires screeching ]

[ Music ]

[ Gunshot ]

>> So you let him get away, huh?

He's gone, Colt.

Look, why don't you come home with me

so you can see how a warm family environment can offer

so much more than your hollow, hate-filled existence.

>> Maybe some other time.

Sergeant Colt, Metropolitan Police Department.

This is Sergeant Luger.

We're commandeering your vehicles.

>> Wait a minute.

We're commandeering kids' bikes?

>> Yeah.

>> That's disgusting.

Ugh, I'm getting too old for this bike confiscating shit.

Don't worry, kids.

We'll take good care of your bikes.

[ Screaming ]

>> I can't imagine where Doris is.

She always likes to check out my new partners.

>> I guess you forgot, Daddy.

This is Mom's bowling with the Teamsters night.

>> Oh, yeah, right.

>> So, Ben, did Dad help you with your homework?

>> Nah, I don't want to repeat the fifth grade again.

[ Music ]

>> So, Debbie, how do you like school?

>> How do you think I like it?

It sucks.

>> Oh, here's Doris now.

Hon, hon, I want you to meet my new partner, Jack Colt.

We've been working together today.

>> Charmed, I'm sure.

This is Ted Polanski.

Ted's a produce manager.

>> Assistant produce manager.

Mr. Brubaker's the manager.

>> Ted's been very helpful with some of my produce selections,

and I thought I should extend him a special courtesy.

>> I should be fine.

>> Oh, no, no, no, stay for coffee.

Coffee, Ted?

>> Ted's from a dysfunctional family.

>> Oh, so no coffee.

>> And I thought that he should spend some time with us.

I was even thinking about taking him to Mother's for the weekend.

>> Oh, dear, I know you're just trying to block out the memory,

but come on now.

Your mom's been dead for over six months.

Uh-oh.

Did I forget to give you that message?

[ Screaming ]

>> Pass on coffee.

[ Footsteps ]

[ Car engine running ]

[ Camera shutter clicks ]

[ Footsteps ]

[ Music ]

[ Gunfire ]

[ Music ]

>> Did I come at a bad time?

>> You should be more careful.

You might have blasted off your eyeshadow.

So, what's with all the cannons?

>> I couldn't find the light switch.

You have an interesting place.

>> It's much bigger than it looks from the outside.

>> I chose light colors to make it look bigger.

So, what are you doing here?

>> Waiting for you.

>> I mean, what brought you here?

>> A taxi.

>> Yeah, but why?

>> My car's in the shop.

>> I mean, why the hell did you come here?

>> The police station would have made me nervous.

>> You better go.

>> You're not even going to ask me why I tracked you down?

>> Okay, why did you track me down?

>> I wasn't totally honest with you and Detective Loogie.

>> No one ever is.

>> I can't live with it anymore.

I know who's responsible for those cookies.

It's a man I fell for.

A man who used me and betrayed me.

General Mortars.

>> Why are you telling me all this?

>> You don't understand.

He's using the Wilderness Girls of America to sell cocaine.

He can ship them anywhere.

Everyone trusts the Wilderness Girl cookie.

Oh my.

I feel as though an incredible weight has been lifted off my chest.

Can you feel it?

>> Yes, as a matter of fact I can.

>> Isn't it wonderful?

>> Yes.

>> And there's more.

>> More?

>> Yes.

Tomorrow at midnight, a big drug deal at the Wilderness Girl cookie factory.

You and Loogie must stop it.

But not until after.

>> After what?

>> Relax, Colt.

I'll talk you through it.

Squeeze me.

Squeeze me like I was an S&W 747 double action magnum with an extended chrome 8 inch barrel just begging for a few squirts of gun oil.

>> Scissor, come on.

>> Shh.

Blow in my ear like you were blowing away the metallic blue discharge wafting from your barrel after you've spent your full load.

Ouch.

>> What?

>> Painful cuticle.

>> You think that's painful?

Razor burn.

>> Retaining water.

>> Nickel beer night.

Dodger stadium.

>> And these?

Vietnam?

>> Parochial school.

Grenade.

Ride it.

I love connection taping.

>> That's nothing.

Plate in my head?

Elective surgery.

>> I was a fool.

>> Try this.

Low budget organ transplant.

>> Colt, enough foreplay.

We were made for each other.

>> That was magic, colt.

>> I guess you're crying because you know it's wrong to get mixed up with a guy like me.

A guy who lives on the edge and plays by his own rules.

A guy who can only spell heartache and loneliness for a woman like you.

>> No.

I'm crying because now that we've had these moments and I'm so friendly with a villain, I know I'm going to die.

>> Some things are worth dying for.

>> Colt, where are you going?

>> Nowhere.

I'm just taking one of those unmotivated button the moon beam walks.

[helicopter]

>> Do you hear something?

>> No.

[helicopter]

[helicopter]

>> What the hell are you doing?

>> This is 10-4-2, Pacific coast highway.

>> Huh?

>> 10-4-2, Pacific coast highway.

>> No.

This is 8-4-2, Pacific coast highway.

10-4-2 is two blocks up that way.

>> Sorry.

My mistake.

>> Yeah.

No problem.

No problem.

>> Colt, look.

>> It's mortars.

I know it.

I'm getting the hell out of here.

>> Ouch.

That's mine.

>> Give me that.

>> Take care, babe.

>> Colt, next time instead of just smoking cigarettes in bed,

do you think we could actually make love?

>> Yeah, maybe.

>> Colt, please.

I want you.

I'm burning for you.

I'm on fire.

>> And I'm late.

>> It'll only take a minute.

>> Who told you that?

>> Colt, please.

Don't you find me desirable?

>> Sure.

But I got a partner to warn.

>> Hey, what are you doing?

>> I'm going to be a little bit late.

>> I'm going to be a little bit late.

>> You crazy?

Not that one.

What the hell are you doing here?

I'm saving your life.

Look, it's always the green one.

>> Yeah, but that one's orange.

>> Who asked you anyway?

>> Hey, hey, hey, Colt, did you see hot shots?

>> I don't know why I'm doing my hair alals here,

but don't you think it's kind of coincidence, you know,

it's kind of weird that like, you know, you're doing this?

And then the hot shots?

>> All right, Becker, that's it.

This one's got your name written all over it.

>> Oh, no, no.

Aah!

[ Music ]

Oops.

[ Music ]

[ Coughing ]

>> Luger, where are you?

>> In here.

[ Music ]

>> What's wrong?

>> Nothing.

Kicking the shit.

[ Music ]

>> Bust at a cookie factory.

I don't know.

Can you trust her?

>> Yeah.

>> How do you know?

You kissed her?

>> Well, sort of.

>> French?

Give her a hickey?

>> Yeah.

>> Shaved her back.

Handled her hooters.

You parked the pink Cadillac?

>> Nope.

>> Well, what can you possibly know about it?

>> I know we wear the same size pumps.

>> Are you one of those macho guys who just hates women, Colt?

>> If I tell you something, do you promise it'll just stay between us?

>> Well, the secret's safe to me, Colt.

Whatever you tell me doesn't need this car.

You have my word on that.

>> My mother never breastfed me.

She teased me with it and then gave me the bottle.

Went on for years.

>> Lufthansa announces the departure.

>> By the time I hit 13, I developed a love/hate thing with breasts and a distrust of all women.

I just don't understand them.

>> Hell, I breastfed till I was 16 years old, and I still don't understand women.

[ Laughter ]

>> Well, I was sharing so openly here.

I want to tell you I appreciate what you did today.

Coming to warn me like that.

Most people I know wouldn't have done that.

>> Well, that's the advantage of working with strangers.

>> You're telling me a guy dressed like a willingness girl with a German accent --

>> Austrian.

>> Austrian, yeah.

>> Austrian accent.

Kill York and try to kill you two, and that tonight there's a drug deal at the cookie factory.

Do I have this straight?

>> I know it sounds crazy, Captain, but --

>> It is crazy!

Consider this investigation closed!

>> Well, it was nice almost working with you.

>> Wait a minute!

We can't quit now.

We've come too far.

>> You heard the captain.

We're off the case.

>> You're more hung up on going by the book than solving this case.

[ Music ]

[ Horns Honking ]

[ Music ]

>> Oh, no.

A fellow that follows the safety guard's manual?

Look what I've done.

I'm to blame.

I didn't go by the rules.

It's all my fault.

From this day forward, I will always go by the book.

By the book.

>> You were a crossing guard?

You guys were all geeks.

>> And what's your problem?

You got some kind of death wish?

>> If he only knew, it was Claire who lived life on the edge.

[ Music ]

>> It's hard for you to understand, Luger.

You got a family.

All I got is revenge.

And I'm going to nail mortars for the York and McCracken killings.

>> You may be headed in the right direction, Colt,

but you're doing all the wrong things to get there.

>> Oh, really?

Mr. Perfect.

Well, aren't you forgetting something?

I thought maybe I was getting through to you.

Sometimes you can't play by the rules.

Well, I'm going after mortars.

Alone and by myself.

[ Music ]

[ Gunshots ]

[ Music ]

>> One Russian novel embracing more than 500 characters is set in the Napoleonic Wars.

>> War and Peace.

[ Music ]

[ Music ]

[ Foreign Language ]

[ Gunshots ]

[ Music ]

[ Gunshots ]

>> I have been waiting for this moment, Mr. Colt.

[ Groaning ]

[ Groaning ]

[ Gunshots ]

[ Music ]

>> This has gone far enough.

First you use my affection, then you use me to sell drugs through the wilderness, girls.

What kind of a man are you?

>> A user.

>> I knew that.

I knew that when you made me parade around in that leather demi-cup underwire bra with matching panties and garter belt.

>> I'm talking about the black set with the gold thread piping.

>> Always loved that one.

>> I hate it.

But most of all, I hate the fact that you made me lure Colt here, the man I've come to love.

>> The man.

Come on.

Don't be foolish.

>> All right, General.

Playtime's over.

>> Colt.

>> Destiny, I want you to know I was moved by what you said.

>> I meant it, Colt.

I love you.

>> No, not that.

I mean the stuff about that black leather outfit.

>> Oh.

>> All right, General, your cookie's crumbled.

>> Perhaps you should take a look at this.

[ Music ]

>> Look.

[ Music ]

>> Let her go, General.

>> Yeah.

Let her go and keep me.

>> No.

>> Okay.

Keep out of that legal.

Keep everybody but me.

Why should I listen to any of you?

>> Because you want this.

>> Hmm.

I underestimated you, son.

>> Thank you.

I'll take that.

>> All right, Mr. Colt.

Game is up.

Put your weapon down.

>> Put down yours, General.

>> You won't shoot me, angel buns.

You ever got the --

[ Gunshot ]

Guts.

[ Music ]

[ Screaming ]

[ Music ]

[ Grunting ]

[ Music ]

[ Grunting ]

[ Music ]

[ Grunting ]

[ Grunting ]

>> Hold it.

>> Okay.

[ Grunting ]

>> Colt, look out.

[ Gunshots ]

[ Music ]

Colt, I'm cold.

I'm so cold.

[ Music ]

Please.

[ Coughing ]

Kiss me.

[ Coughing ]

>> May not be a good idea.

I, uh, like I'm gonna touch you the flu.

>> Please, Colt.

[ Coughing ]

[ Music ]

>> Get mortars for me, Colt.

[ Music ]

[ Gunshots ]

>> Give it up, mortars.

You're only making things worse.

It's over.

The jig is up.

The Rubicon is crossed.

>> Getting sloppy, son.

>> Well, it was still sound advice.

>> Drop the gun, General.

>> Luger, you came.

>> It's personal.

But what's important is I'm here.

>> Shoot him, partner.

Shoot him, shoot him, shoot him, shoot him.

>> [ Laughs ]

You can't shoot me, Sergeant.

You're a cop.

You have to play it by the book.

Go ahead, sir.

Shoot.

>> Sometimes, General, you make the rules up as you go.

[ Gunshot ]

>> Aw, just kidding.

[ Gunshot ]

[ Music ]

[ Gunshots ]

>> Nothing like a good smoke after you've blown someone away.

Do you mind?

>> Yeah.

>> You're right.

These things are dangerous.

[ Gunshots ]

>> Looks like you missed the fireworks, Captain.

>> Wait!

Looks like we just in time for them.

So you two guys are type of superheroes, huh?

>> Oh, we got the bad guys, Cap.

>> Yeah, and you almost got yourself killed.

Wish I had no men like you.

Look, could you reconsider that retirement?

>> Only if Colt's my partner.

>> I think it can be arranged.

>> Thanks, Cap.

>> I'm driving.

>> I'm driving.

>> I'm driving.

>> I'm driving.

>> I'm driving.

>> Okay.

[ Music ]

>> You know, I feel like I'm forgetting something back there.

>> Destiny, Claire.

>> That's it.

We're here, Colt.

>> Destiny, Claire, you're all right.

>> I'm not.

>> You're all right.

>> I'm not.

>> You're all right.

>> I'm not.

>> You're all right.

>> I'm not.

>> You're all right.

>> I'm not.

>> You're all right.

>> I'm not.

>> You're all right.

>> Me too.

In case you had the sensitivity to care.

I know you're uncomfortable with me, but don't worry.

I'll grow on you.

Kind of like a rage.

[ Music ]

>> And we go, the Al's a book, as the devil put aside for me.

For me.

For me.

[ Music ]

>> You're beautiful.

>> I'm not.

[ Music ]

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