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1
00:00:03,216 --> 00:00:06,049
(whimsical music)
2
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- [Man] Beautiful, beautiful.
3
00:00:39,097 --> 00:00:42,706
(camera clicking)
4
00:00:42,706 --> 00:00:46,014
(energetic music)
5
00:00:46,014 --> 00:00:49,347
(photographer mumbling)
6
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- You know what's great about second cock?
7
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- I can't help you there.
8
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- It doesn't taste like wedding cake.
9
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(splatting)
10
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I don't get it, Steph, what's up with us?
11
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- You and me us?
12
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Is this like one of those
surprise job evaluations?
13
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Are you giving me a raise?
14
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- That's hilarious.
15
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No, in general, us the gays,
our obsession with marriage.
16
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It's so masochistic.
17
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- Maybe that's part of the appeal.
18
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- Tell me I have a cover, Matthew.
19
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Can't have a big gay wedding issue
20
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without a big gay cover.
21
00:01:40,602 --> 00:01:42,152
- It's gonna be great.
22
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- We want the right to be
just as dysfunctionally
23
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George and Martha as our parents.
24
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Is that too much to ask?
25
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- These guys don't look like
26
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they're gonna be together forever.
27
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- No, those guys look
like they're taking home
28
00:01:53,579 --> 00:01:55,909
the cater waiter from the reception.
29
00:01:55,909 --> 00:01:57,559
- That's not love?
30
00:01:57,559 --> 00:01:59,970
- Not the brand we're trying
to sell in this issue.
31
00:01:59,970 --> 00:02:01,755
- Oh, I don't sleep anymore, Steph.
32
00:02:01,755 --> 00:02:04,970
I have the wedding march
stuck in my head 24-7.
33
00:02:04,970 --> 00:02:06,982
- That's why you get the big bucks.
34
00:02:06,982 --> 00:02:08,233
- I don't make the big bucks.
35
00:02:08,233 --> 00:02:10,576
- That's why you get big mail.
36
00:02:10,576 --> 00:02:11,861
- No, no, no.
37
00:02:11,861 --> 00:02:13,570
No more invitations.
38
00:02:13,570 --> 00:02:15,164
Hamis and Gunther invite you to rejoice
39
00:02:15,164 --> 00:02:16,663
in the reunion of their souls?
40
00:02:16,663 --> 00:02:17,911
Please.
41
00:02:17,911 --> 00:02:20,761
- Kate and Missy embark on
their journey to forever.
42
00:02:20,761 --> 00:02:22,198
Embark?
43
00:02:22,198 --> 00:02:23,477
- Paul and Steven invite you to join them
44
00:02:23,477 --> 00:02:24,406
as love makes them one, aw.
45
00:02:24,406 --> 00:02:25,654
- Seriously, embark?
46
00:02:25,654 --> 00:02:26,487
Who embarks?
47
00:02:26,487 --> 00:02:27,776
- Dave and Owen unite in their destiny.
48
00:02:27,776 --> 00:02:29,748
- John and Juan, they rhyme.
49
00:02:29,748 --> 00:02:30,925
- Jake and Andy, a day of bliss.
50
00:02:30,925 --> 00:02:32,064
- Louise and Rachel.
51
00:02:32,064 --> 00:02:34,897
Ugh, even the invitation is vegan.
52
00:02:35,766 --> 00:02:37,599
- Hang on a sec, Luis.
53
00:02:42,427 --> 00:02:43,675
Here.
54
00:02:43,675 --> 00:02:44,508
- Thanks.
55
00:02:45,786 --> 00:02:46,619
(sighing)
56
00:02:46,619 --> 00:02:48,076
- Why does every homo in town think
57
00:02:48,076 --> 00:02:49,278
we're gonna profile their wedding?
58
00:02:49,278 --> 00:02:51,771
- They're not weddings,
they're commitment ceremonies.
59
00:02:51,771 --> 00:02:53,553
And besides, it's not every homo in town.
60
00:02:53,553 --> 00:02:54,966
Some of those are from Sausalito.
61
00:02:54,966 --> 00:02:57,802
And you missed an envelope.
62
00:02:57,802 --> 00:03:00,465
This one's even forwarded
from your mom from Arizona.
63
00:03:00,465 --> 00:03:02,882
Alex Golski and Ryan Woodson.
64
00:03:03,814 --> 00:03:05,094
- What?
65
00:03:05,094 --> 00:03:06,011
Gimme that.
66
00:03:11,957 --> 00:03:15,257
(chill music)
67
00:03:15,257 --> 00:03:16,519
(knocking)
68
00:03:16,519 --> 00:03:17,547
- Hey, you boys up yet?
69
00:03:17,547 --> 00:03:18,589
- Dude, answer her!
70
00:03:18,589 --> 00:03:19,940
- [Man] You, I'm busy.
71
00:03:19,940 --> 00:03:21,280
- I'm up, Mrs. Woodson!
72
00:03:21,280 --> 00:03:23,780
- Oh, good Matty, that's good.
73
00:03:24,637 --> 00:03:25,568
- Yeah it is.
74
00:03:25,568 --> 00:03:27,816
- Breakfast is ready, are you guys coming?
75
00:03:27,816 --> 00:03:28,984
- I am!
76
00:03:28,984 --> 00:03:30,386
- Could you get Ryan up too?
77
00:03:30,386 --> 00:03:33,748
And could you tell Ryan
that I ironed his shirt?
78
00:03:33,748 --> 00:03:35,869
- [Ryan] That's excellent.
79
00:03:35,869 --> 00:03:38,367
- Oh, good Ryan, you're up too.
80
00:03:38,367 --> 00:03:39,918
Okay I'm just gonna put this shirt
81
00:03:39,918 --> 00:03:41,335
right here on the door for you.
82
00:03:41,335 --> 00:03:44,048
And don't forget you're
lay leader at church today.
83
00:03:44,048 --> 00:03:45,296
- Oh, that's excellent.
84
00:03:45,296 --> 00:03:48,274
- Matty, it's so nice when you stay over.
85
00:03:48,274 --> 00:03:52,441
I mean, Ryan's always so
grumpy when I wake him up.
86
00:03:58,477 --> 00:03:59,810
- We're walking.
87
00:04:00,793 --> 00:04:02,128
- [Steph] Cum laude.
88
00:04:02,128 --> 00:04:03,438
- [Matt] Come again?
89
00:04:03,438 --> 00:04:05,401
- I graduated cum fucking laude
90
00:04:05,401 --> 00:04:07,318
and you made me tackle the janitor!
91
00:04:07,318 --> 00:04:09,262
- I would have done it
myself but this is Armani
92
00:04:09,262 --> 00:04:10,864
and your pants look like they came
93
00:04:10,864 --> 00:04:12,506
out of the trash anyways.
94
00:04:12,506 --> 00:04:13,423
- Coutoure.
95
00:04:14,412 --> 00:04:17,133
I could have been a highly
paid marketing consultant.
96
00:04:17,133 --> 00:04:19,493
But no, I chose to work
here so that I could be
97
00:04:19,493 --> 00:04:20,829
out and proud.
98
00:04:20,829 --> 00:04:22,911
Grammy Ho was right.
99
00:04:22,911 --> 00:04:25,378
I became a lesbian and turned into a
100
00:04:25,378 --> 00:04:26,367
(speaking in foreign language).
101
00:04:26,367 --> 00:04:27,200
- A what?
102
00:04:27,200 --> 00:04:28,886
- It means garbage collector.
103
00:04:28,886 --> 00:04:32,615
- You have a Grammy Ho,
that makes me so happy.
104
00:04:32,615 --> 00:04:34,864
- Great, mock my pain.
105
00:04:34,864 --> 00:04:36,262
- I found him, this is Ryan.
106
00:04:36,262 --> 00:04:37,547
Help me find the other half.
107
00:04:37,547 --> 00:04:39,880
I need to see this Alex guy.
108
00:04:45,757 --> 00:04:46,660
- Nice rack.
109
00:04:46,660 --> 00:04:48,410
Who's the lucky girl?
110
00:04:52,961 --> 00:04:54,544
- [Matt] Oh my god.
111
00:04:58,745 --> 00:05:01,245
(tense music)
112
00:05:03,999 --> 00:05:05,365
- [Steph] Uh-uh, you can't!
113
00:05:05,365 --> 00:05:06,659
We go to print in a week.
114
00:05:06,659 --> 00:05:07,492
We don't even have a cover!
115
00:05:07,492 --> 00:05:08,349
- It's this weekend.
116
00:05:08,349 --> 00:05:09,797
Please come, I need to see you.
117
00:05:09,797 --> 00:05:11,285
He underlined the please.
118
00:05:11,285 --> 00:05:13,049
- Oh my God.
119
00:05:13,049 --> 00:05:14,918
You love him.
120
00:05:14,918 --> 00:05:15,916
- I don't.
121
00:05:15,916 --> 00:05:17,158
- You totally love him.
122
00:05:17,158 --> 00:05:19,318
You wanna wreck the wedding
and steal him for yourself.
123
00:05:19,318 --> 00:05:20,577
You are so Julia Roberts
124
00:05:20,577 --> 00:05:21,964
in My Best Friend's Wedding right now.
125
00:05:21,964 --> 00:05:24,053
- This is completely a
humanitarian mission here.
126
00:05:24,053 --> 00:05:26,533
If anything, I'm so
Angelina Jolie right now
127
00:05:26,533 --> 00:05:28,345
that I wouldn't be surprised
if they send me home
128
00:05:28,345 --> 00:05:30,887
with a dusky little baby.
129
00:05:30,887 --> 00:05:31,720
Seriously.
130
00:05:32,722 --> 00:05:34,889
He was my first boyfriend.
131
00:05:36,419 --> 00:05:37,978
He's the one who brought me out.
132
00:05:37,978 --> 00:05:39,968
He's the one who taught
me how to give blowjobs.
133
00:05:39,968 --> 00:05:41,797
- And grateful men everywhere applaud that
134
00:05:41,797 --> 00:05:43,939
but you haven't even seen
him in like 10 years.
135
00:05:43,939 --> 00:05:45,004
Isn't that in the past?
136
00:05:45,004 --> 00:05:46,013
- Of course.
137
00:05:46,013 --> 00:05:48,346
But I sort of abandoned him.
138
00:05:50,989 --> 00:05:53,551
I always felt shitty about that.
139
00:05:53,551 --> 00:05:54,584
And now look what's happening,
140
00:05:54,584 --> 00:05:56,194
he's gonna become one of those diner guys.
141
00:05:56,194 --> 00:05:57,215
- Diner guys?
142
00:05:57,215 --> 00:05:59,650
Have you been making coffee
out of the bong water?
143
00:05:59,650 --> 00:06:00,653
What are you talking about?
144
00:06:00,653 --> 00:06:01,860
- You'll be at a diner or something
145
00:06:01,860 --> 00:06:03,445
and you see that guy.
146
00:06:03,445 --> 00:06:05,242
He's got the three squabbling kids
147
00:06:05,242 --> 00:06:07,199
and the bitter, miserable wife.
148
00:06:07,199 --> 00:06:10,436
He kind of looks over you
with that thousand mile stare.
149
00:06:10,436 --> 00:06:12,076
Before you know it, he
falls in the men's room,
150
00:06:12,076 --> 00:06:14,398
makes a grab for your dick.
151
00:06:14,398 --> 00:06:15,913
Think of how much better it would be
152
00:06:15,913 --> 00:06:18,159
for everybody involved
if someone could just
153
00:06:18,159 --> 00:06:20,675
pull him aside before
he's in too deep and say
154
00:06:20,675 --> 00:06:22,024
you don't have to do this.
155
00:06:22,024 --> 00:06:24,441
It's not a sad inevitability.
156
00:06:25,409 --> 00:06:29,669
Besides, he's been stuck
in our podunk hometown.
157
00:06:29,669 --> 00:06:31,292
I'm sure he's been drinking
constellation six packs
158
00:06:31,292 --> 00:06:32,593
for the last 10 years.
159
00:06:32,593 --> 00:06:33,690
- And you wanna see how fat he got?
160
00:06:33,690 --> 00:06:34,765
- Duh.
161
00:06:34,765 --> 00:06:37,265
(kooky music)
162
00:06:43,645 --> 00:06:46,728
(somber piano music)
163
00:06:56,697 --> 00:06:58,408
Look, I know when we decided to do this.
164
00:06:58,408 --> 00:06:59,991
- When you decided.
165
00:07:01,132 --> 00:07:03,697
- I said I'd help you move at least.
166
00:07:03,697 --> 00:07:05,780
- And that would help out who more?
167
00:07:05,780 --> 00:07:07,135
Me or you?
168
00:07:07,135 --> 00:07:09,508
- This trip just came out of the blue.
169
00:07:09,508 --> 00:07:10,341
I'm sorry.
170
00:07:11,464 --> 00:07:15,264
- Actually it's probably better this way.
171
00:07:15,264 --> 00:07:18,014
I'll be gone before you get back.
172
00:07:21,272 --> 00:07:22,105
- Joey.
173
00:07:22,105 --> 00:07:24,035
♪ The last of your things ♪
174
00:07:24,035 --> 00:07:27,696
♪ Were loaded by three ♪
175
00:07:27,696 --> 00:07:29,863
(zooming)
176
00:07:33,603 --> 00:07:34,949
- Ford Focus.
177
00:07:34,949 --> 00:07:37,064
Reliable, good gas mileage.
178
00:07:37,064 --> 00:07:38,389
Fourth day free.
179
00:07:38,389 --> 00:07:40,608
- What does that say about me?
180
00:07:40,608 --> 00:07:42,948
- I don't know, that
you're focused, I guess.
181
00:07:42,948 --> 00:07:45,316
- Do you have anything that
says knight in shining armor
182
00:07:45,316 --> 00:07:47,808
or riding in to save someone
from making a terrible mistake?
183
00:07:47,808 --> 00:07:50,334
- That's a lot to ask of a car.
184
00:07:50,334 --> 00:07:51,741
- But is it too much to hope for?
185
00:07:51,741 --> 00:07:53,241
- God, I hope not.
186
00:07:54,233 --> 00:07:56,900
(driving music)
187
00:08:06,226 --> 00:08:08,634
♪ Did you hear the good news ♪
188
00:08:08,634 --> 00:08:11,399
♪ Invitations and grooves ♪
189
00:08:11,399 --> 00:08:16,399
♪ I got parties and schedules to keep ♪
190
00:08:16,874 --> 00:08:19,647
♪ This town of plastic ♪
191
00:08:19,647 --> 00:08:22,654
♪ My heart of elastic ♪
192
00:08:22,654 --> 00:08:27,654
♪ Ironically fractures and breaks ♪
193
00:08:27,704 --> 00:08:30,305
♪ And it's just for now ♪
194
00:08:30,305 --> 00:08:32,905
♪ You say, you say ♪
195
00:08:32,905 --> 00:08:36,738
♪ I'll take a picture and you ♪
196
00:08:38,223 --> 00:08:40,912
- Hey dad, nice of you to join us.
197
00:08:40,912 --> 00:08:42,405
Sean, come on.
198
00:08:42,405 --> 00:08:43,872
I need the rest of the roofing panels.
199
00:08:43,872 --> 00:08:47,136
- Something's up with the toolbox.
200
00:08:47,136 --> 00:08:48,899
In the truck.
201
00:08:48,899 --> 00:08:50,399
We need your help.
202
00:08:54,878 --> 00:08:56,905
- Hey!
- Whoah, jeez.
203
00:08:56,905 --> 00:08:58,003
- Congratulations.
204
00:08:58,003 --> 00:08:59,421
- We kind of broke the air pump
205
00:08:59,421 --> 00:09:01,649
so we had to use the helium tank.
206
00:09:01,649 --> 00:09:02,851
- What you been doing in there, Chris?
207
00:09:02,851 --> 00:09:03,850
- Nothing.
208
00:09:03,850 --> 00:09:04,849
- Yeah, I bet.
209
00:09:04,849 --> 00:09:05,682
Oh, oh!
210
00:09:06,877 --> 00:09:08,434
Douchebag.
211
00:09:08,434 --> 00:09:10,615
- (laughing) Ah shit.
212
00:09:10,615 --> 00:09:14,204
That's a turbo blonde, top of the line.
213
00:09:14,204 --> 00:09:16,172
- Guys, I'll be happy to
drink some beers for you
214
00:09:16,172 --> 00:09:18,449
on my honeymoon, but let's
get back to work please.
215
00:09:18,449 --> 00:09:21,276
- Not so fast, we gotta be
at the Kessler's at 3:30.
216
00:09:21,276 --> 00:09:22,419
- What do you mean?
217
00:09:22,419 --> 00:09:24,292
I promised we'd at least
have this roof finished.
218
00:09:24,292 --> 00:09:25,912
We can't just leave jobs halfway through
219
00:09:25,912 --> 00:09:26,989
and start something else, dad.
220
00:09:26,989 --> 00:09:28,211
- We got time, son.
221
00:09:28,211 --> 00:09:29,813
Son, we're far enough along with this job.
222
00:09:29,813 --> 00:09:30,975
They've got to pay us.
223
00:09:30,975 --> 00:09:32,791
But we've got to get over at Kessler's,
224
00:09:32,791 --> 00:09:34,800
finish that job so they don't sue us.
225
00:09:34,800 --> 00:09:36,498
I'm a step ahead, see?
226
00:09:36,498 --> 00:09:39,269
(phone ringing)
227
00:09:39,269 --> 00:09:40,852
Pack it up, fellas.
228
00:09:42,122 --> 00:09:43,732
- Hey baby.
229
00:09:43,732 --> 00:09:45,457
Three and a half days.
230
00:09:45,457 --> 00:09:46,290
How's every little thing?
231
00:09:46,290 --> 00:09:48,199
- Oh, just getting better and better.
232
00:09:48,199 --> 00:09:49,842
Do you still love me?
233
00:09:49,842 --> 00:09:51,531
- Oh, considering the competition.
234
00:09:51,531 --> 00:09:54,104
- Well, will you still
love me if I told you
235
00:09:54,104 --> 00:09:55,265
mom and dad's rental broke down,
236
00:09:55,265 --> 00:09:56,309
you have to go pick them up?
237
00:09:56,309 --> 00:09:58,225
- Al, I've been on a hot roof all morning.
238
00:09:58,225 --> 00:10:00,234
I smell like a one man chain gang.
239
00:10:00,234 --> 00:10:01,232
- True story, Alex!
240
00:10:01,232 --> 00:10:05,087
- Look, I'm not in great
shape to see your dad.
241
00:10:05,087 --> 00:10:06,109
Could you go get them?
242
00:10:06,109 --> 00:10:08,669
- Huh, well, that's the thing.
243
00:10:08,669 --> 00:10:11,496
I'm not in such great
shape either to face dad.
244
00:10:11,496 --> 00:10:12,623
You know that afternoon tea
245
00:10:12,623 --> 00:10:14,189
that the bridesmaids are throwing me?
246
00:10:14,189 --> 00:10:17,685
- Time for some more inspiration!
247
00:10:17,685 --> 00:10:18,602
Lunch ride!
248
00:10:19,500 --> 00:10:20,333
Woo!
249
00:10:22,137 --> 00:10:23,458
- They're not serving tea.
250
00:10:23,458 --> 00:10:24,458
Oh, hold on.
251
00:10:25,581 --> 00:10:27,831
- [Woman] Mmhmm, all right.
252
00:10:29,211 --> 00:10:30,858
- Are you sure you still wanna marry me?
253
00:10:30,858 --> 00:10:32,316
I'm a total nut.
254
00:10:32,316 --> 00:10:33,659
It's three in the afternoon,
255
00:10:33,659 --> 00:10:36,001
I am tied to a chair and I'm drunk.
256
00:10:36,001 --> 00:10:39,710
- Well now you're just
trying to turn me on.
257
00:10:39,710 --> 00:10:41,701
I brought a change of clothes
in case we finish late.
258
00:10:41,701 --> 00:10:44,581
- That's my big strong boy
scout, always prepared.
259
00:10:44,581 --> 00:10:46,699
- Hey Sean, is the water turned on?
260
00:10:46,699 --> 00:10:48,699
- I owe you one, mister.
261
00:10:52,782 --> 00:10:56,970
♪ In spite of my predictions
you turned away, went away ♪
262
00:10:56,970 --> 00:11:00,877
♪ Running through the autumn,
you fell with the leaves ♪
263
00:11:00,877 --> 00:11:04,590
♪ Ran into the fracture I lost my place ♪
264
00:11:04,590 --> 00:11:08,496
♪ Lost my place ♪
265
00:11:08,496 --> 00:11:11,205
♪ If you knew what I knew ♪
266
00:11:11,205 --> 00:11:13,657
♪ You'd welcome the indifference ♪
267
00:11:13,657 --> 00:11:15,439
♪ Enlightened by a shadow ♪
268
00:11:15,439 --> 00:11:17,715
♪ You turned to your maker ♪
269
00:11:17,715 --> 00:11:19,559
♪ Your ghost becomes a calling ♪
270
00:11:19,559 --> 00:11:23,703
♪ I can't say when, can't say when ♪
271
00:11:23,703 --> 00:11:26,199
♪ You drive ♪
272
00:11:26,199 --> 00:11:28,449
(knocking)
273
00:11:31,693 --> 00:11:32,776
- Mmm, hello.
274
00:11:35,853 --> 00:11:38,162
Wait a minute, I thought
you hired a plumber.
275
00:11:38,162 --> 00:11:39,217
- He'll do.
276
00:11:39,217 --> 00:11:41,799
God I love this part of weddings.
277
00:11:41,799 --> 00:11:44,416
- This is 6200 San Marino Avenue, right?
278
00:11:44,416 --> 00:11:46,736
- Hey, don't play coy, slim.
279
00:11:46,736 --> 00:11:48,696
You look like you know the drill.
280
00:11:48,696 --> 00:11:52,016
(women cheering)
281
00:11:52,016 --> 00:11:54,266
(giggling)
282
00:11:56,373 --> 00:11:57,764
- So, you're the fiancee, huh?
283
00:11:57,764 --> 00:11:58,681
- Take off!
284
00:12:00,644 --> 00:12:03,151
(women hooting)
285
00:12:03,151 --> 00:12:06,104
- You look like a bad girl.
286
00:12:06,104 --> 00:12:07,328
Is that it?
287
00:12:07,328 --> 00:12:09,900
You a little bad girl?
288
00:12:09,900 --> 00:12:12,736
- Um, okay, I'm a bad girl.
289
00:12:12,736 --> 00:12:15,467
- I bet your fiancee doesn't
know about this, huh?
290
00:12:15,467 --> 00:12:17,379
- [Alex] Not so much.
291
00:12:17,379 --> 00:12:19,052
- I bet he doesn't.
292
00:12:19,052 --> 00:12:21,557
Probably doesn't satisfy
you like a real man.
293
00:12:21,557 --> 00:12:24,284
- [Woman] Now we're talking , Tex.
294
00:12:24,284 --> 00:12:26,296
- Actually, when it comes to
the satisfaction department,
295
00:12:26,296 --> 00:12:28,325
he pretty much has it covered.
296
00:12:28,325 --> 00:12:29,331
- Really?
297
00:12:29,331 --> 00:12:30,322
- Yeah.
298
00:12:30,322 --> 00:12:31,491
- So you two have a normal sex life?
299
00:12:31,491 --> 00:12:33,114
- Oh God.
300
00:12:33,114 --> 00:12:34,281
Oh I hope not.
301
00:12:35,579 --> 00:12:38,141
God, that sounds so boring.
302
00:12:38,141 --> 00:12:40,229
I mean does anyone really
have a normal sex life?
303
00:12:40,229 --> 00:12:43,455
- What's so special about it?
304
00:12:43,455 --> 00:12:46,088
- Well, there is this
one little thing he does
305
00:12:46,088 --> 00:12:48,412
with his tongue. (laughing)
306
00:12:48,412 --> 00:12:50,691
Shut up you guys, you
can't ever say I said that.
307
00:12:50,691 --> 00:12:52,034
- It's okay, we're all friends.
308
00:12:52,034 --> 00:12:54,661
Relax, you're so tense.
309
00:12:54,661 --> 00:12:55,876
- Oh, you think?
310
00:12:55,876 --> 00:12:57,926
I am getting married.
311
00:12:57,926 --> 00:13:00,234
Maybe I'll just stay
drunk through Saturday.
312
00:13:00,234 --> 00:13:02,334
There'll be a video, I'll
just watch it later, right?
313
00:13:02,334 --> 00:13:04,647
- But is he so good you're
just gonna need this one guy
314
00:13:04,647 --> 00:13:06,376
and no one else ever?
315
00:13:06,376 --> 00:13:08,340
For the rest of your life,
till death do you part?
316
00:13:08,340 --> 00:13:09,804
- Damn.
317
00:13:09,804 --> 00:13:12,210
Well, when you put it that way.
318
00:13:12,210 --> 00:13:14,455
- Less talking and a
little more stripping!
319
00:13:14,455 --> 00:13:15,541
- Yeah, man.
320
00:13:15,541 --> 00:13:17,489
You're killing my buzz.
321
00:13:17,489 --> 00:13:20,998
We're not paying you
to keep your pants on.
322
00:13:20,998 --> 00:13:22,346
(knocking)
323
00:13:22,346 --> 00:13:24,208
- We're busy!
324
00:13:24,208 --> 00:13:25,125
Don't stop.
325
00:13:26,839 --> 00:13:27,672
Oh my God.
326
00:13:29,481 --> 00:13:31,096
- Someone need their pipes cleaned?
327
00:13:31,096 --> 00:13:31,929
- Where's my pepper spray?
328
00:13:31,929 --> 00:13:32,762
Hold it right there!
329
00:13:32,762 --> 00:13:34,171
- I'm a friend of Ryan's, I'm Matt.
330
00:13:34,171 --> 00:13:37,004
- No, Monica, wait, put that down.
331
00:13:38,182 --> 00:13:39,184
- Jesus.
332
00:13:39,184 --> 00:13:40,937
I saw my life flash in front of my eyes.
333
00:13:40,937 --> 00:13:42,034
Death by bridesmaids.
334
00:13:42,034 --> 00:13:43,252
- Matt!
335
00:13:43,252 --> 00:13:44,085
Oh my god.
336
00:13:45,235 --> 00:13:46,644
Were you gonna trick me there?
337
00:13:46,644 --> 00:13:48,061
That is so wrong.
338
00:13:49,142 --> 00:13:51,840
- So uh, congratulations.
339
00:13:51,840 --> 00:13:53,257
- Thank you, 406.
340
00:13:54,550 --> 00:13:55,900
- What?
341
00:13:55,900 --> 00:13:58,427
- Yeah, I've just been counting everyone
342
00:13:58,427 --> 00:14:00,455
that says congratulations and
343
00:14:00,455 --> 00:14:02,121
you happen to be number 406.
344
00:14:02,121 --> 00:14:05,012
But I might have counted a few times twice
345
00:14:05,012 --> 00:14:07,424
or twice a few times, I don't know.
346
00:14:07,424 --> 00:14:08,257
Hi.
347
00:14:10,326 --> 00:14:13,262
- Where do you think you're going?
348
00:14:13,262 --> 00:14:14,512
- [Women] Yeah!
349
00:14:22,300 --> 00:14:23,753
- Sometimes the solenoid
goes out on these.
350
00:14:23,753 --> 00:14:27,567
They tend to have weak alternator coils.
351
00:14:27,567 --> 00:14:29,998
- Evelyn, Brian's here.
352
00:14:29,998 --> 00:14:31,042
He's trying to say something.
353
00:14:31,042 --> 00:14:32,161
I don't think it's English.
354
00:14:32,161 --> 00:14:33,161
- It's Ryan.
355
00:14:34,022 --> 00:14:37,939
- Ryan, could you give
me a hand out here dear?
356
00:14:39,086 --> 00:14:39,919
Hi there.
357
00:14:40,903 --> 00:14:42,239
- Nice to see you.
358
00:14:42,239 --> 00:14:43,201
- Nice to see you.
359
00:14:43,201 --> 00:14:44,617
Don't mind my husband.
360
00:14:44,617 --> 00:14:48,330
He can deconstruct
Dostoyevsky in his sleep.
361
00:14:48,330 --> 00:14:49,850
But he couldn't work a socket wrench
362
00:14:49,850 --> 00:14:52,810
if his life depended on it.
363
00:14:52,810 --> 00:14:53,882
- Peeing in the bushes?
364
00:14:53,882 --> 00:14:55,573
What are we on survivor here?
365
00:14:55,573 --> 00:14:57,656
- Hi Elly, how you doing?
366
00:14:58,923 --> 00:15:01,853
- I just got molested by
a swarm of mosquitoes.
367
00:15:01,853 --> 00:15:04,430
I have not had a shower in 12 hours.
368
00:15:04,430 --> 00:15:06,985
And if I don't get some
goddamn coffee this instant,
369
00:15:06,985 --> 00:15:10,805
I don't think that I will
be my usual charming self.
370
00:15:10,805 --> 00:15:13,539
- I can go for a caramel macchiato myself.
371
00:15:13,539 --> 00:15:14,538
Where's your Starbucks?
372
00:15:14,538 --> 00:15:16,860
It's half an hour back in the city.
373
00:15:16,860 --> 00:15:18,241
But there's even better
coffee at the diner
374
00:15:18,241 --> 00:15:19,318
on State Street.
375
00:15:19,318 --> 00:15:22,396
They've heard of cappuccinos.
376
00:15:22,396 --> 00:15:24,587
All right, Starbucks it is.
377
00:15:24,587 --> 00:15:28,420
I'll call the tow truck,
you can ride with me.
378
00:15:32,911 --> 00:15:34,010
- Oh no, oh no.
379
00:15:34,010 --> 00:15:37,677
I cannot get up. (giggling)
380
00:15:40,123 --> 00:15:42,861
I don't wanna see the extra
miles on this Palomino.
381
00:15:42,861 --> 00:15:44,468
- No, no, wrong way, wrong way.
382
00:15:44,468 --> 00:15:45,798
- Thank you for driving.
383
00:15:45,798 --> 00:15:49,278
- It's all part of my
humanitarian mission.
384
00:15:49,278 --> 00:15:51,861
Don't let them have these back.
385
00:15:54,323 --> 00:15:56,324
- So Ryan never told me you were coming.
386
00:15:56,324 --> 00:15:58,107
- It was sort of last minute.
387
00:15:58,107 --> 00:15:59,641
He actually doesn't know himself.
388
00:15:59,641 --> 00:16:00,905
- Shut up.
389
00:16:00,905 --> 00:16:02,005
You know he's gonna flip out, right?
390
00:16:02,005 --> 00:16:03,718
Oh, wait, they're here.
391
00:16:03,718 --> 00:16:04,968
I have an idea.
392
00:16:05,912 --> 00:16:08,064
Excuse me, I'm just gonna
borrow this for a second.
393
00:16:08,064 --> 00:16:08,897
Thank you.
394
00:16:08,897 --> 00:16:09,968
- Does he still work for his dad?
395
00:16:09,968 --> 00:16:11,525
- Yeah, put this on.
396
00:16:11,525 --> 00:16:12,989
I'm gonna play a little trick on Ryan.
397
00:16:12,989 --> 00:16:13,990
- Oh no.
398
00:16:13,990 --> 00:16:14,990
- No, it's gonna be funny.
399
00:16:14,990 --> 00:16:16,277
Here, hurry, okay.
400
00:16:16,277 --> 00:16:17,277
You look perfect.
401
00:16:17,277 --> 00:16:19,527
(giggling)
402
00:16:28,177 --> 00:16:29,699
- Hey, we had such a fun day.
403
00:16:29,699 --> 00:16:31,382
We had to drive back into
the city to find a Starbucks
404
00:16:31,382 --> 00:16:33,095
and then your sister had mud on her shoes.
405
00:16:33,095 --> 00:16:34,094
So we had to go to a shoe shop
406
00:16:34,094 --> 00:16:35,104
and that gave me a chance to spend a lot
407
00:16:35,104 --> 00:16:36,256
of quality time with your dad.
408
00:16:36,256 --> 00:16:37,666
And I drove us back here
without driving into
409
00:16:37,666 --> 00:16:38,740
an oncoming semi.
410
00:16:38,740 --> 00:16:39,748
Not even once.
411
00:16:39,748 --> 00:16:40,750
- You were brave.
412
00:16:40,750 --> 00:16:41,939
- Yeah, I tried a double espresso.
413
00:16:41,939 --> 00:16:42,937
How was your tea?
414
00:16:42,937 --> 00:16:44,097
- The tea was strong.
415
00:16:44,097 --> 00:16:45,341
- Yeah, it was, I can tell.
416
00:16:45,341 --> 00:16:46,174
Here have one of these.
417
00:16:46,174 --> 00:16:47,668
- Oh, thank you.
418
00:16:47,668 --> 00:16:49,250
- Yeah.
419
00:16:49,250 --> 00:16:50,363
- Mommy!
420
00:16:50,363 --> 00:16:51,584
- Oh, hi.
421
00:16:51,584 --> 00:16:52,689
- Hi Daddy.
422
00:16:52,689 --> 00:16:53,689
- Hi, honey.
423
00:16:54,656 --> 00:16:56,848
- It looks like a place where
we can have Mexican coffee.
424
00:16:56,848 --> 00:16:58,348
- [Alex] Miss you.
425
00:16:59,451 --> 00:17:01,618
- They left me in the car.
426
00:17:09,504 --> 00:17:10,337
- Thanks.
427
00:17:11,269 --> 00:17:14,269
- I'll meet you guys in a sec, baby.
428
00:17:18,462 --> 00:17:21,129
(mexican music)
429
00:17:38,075 --> 00:17:39,315
- Hey Ryan.
430
00:17:39,315 --> 00:17:41,283
Uh, you're pissing on my shoe.
431
00:17:41,283 --> 00:17:42,516
- Oh Jesus, I'm sorry.
432
00:17:42,516 --> 00:17:43,700
I'm sorry.
433
00:17:43,700 --> 00:17:44,533
Oh God.
434
00:17:45,841 --> 00:17:46,982
- Are you trying to mark
your territory, bro?
435
00:17:46,982 --> 00:17:49,149
- What are you doing here?
436
00:17:50,437 --> 00:17:52,466
God, it's good to see you.
437
00:17:52,466 --> 00:17:53,549
I'm so sorry.
438
00:18:01,763 --> 00:18:03,322
- Monica, I'm losing my buzz.
439
00:18:03,322 --> 00:18:05,391
- We need shots.
440
00:18:05,391 --> 00:18:06,808
- Ah, body shots.
441
00:18:10,072 --> 00:18:11,801
- Alex, this is Matt.
442
00:18:11,801 --> 00:18:14,571
- We go way back already. (giggling)
443
00:18:14,571 --> 00:18:15,571
- You do, really?
444
00:18:15,571 --> 00:18:16,571
How's that?
445
00:18:16,571 --> 00:18:18,746
- Matt, oh my god!
446
00:18:18,746 --> 00:18:21,968
I haven't seen you since
you left for Stanford.
447
00:18:21,968 --> 00:18:24,405
- Abigail! (chuckling)
448
00:18:24,405 --> 00:18:26,482
How's it hanging, it's been a while.
449
00:18:26,482 --> 00:18:28,878
- It's good to see you
too, Mr. And Mrs. Woodson.
450
00:18:28,878 --> 00:18:30,827
- Oh, it's Davis now.
451
00:18:30,827 --> 00:18:33,459
Matt, this is my new husband Dan.
452
00:18:33,459 --> 00:18:34,740
- Dan's famous.
453
00:18:34,740 --> 00:18:36,068
We call him the mattress king.
454
00:18:36,068 --> 00:18:37,578
His commercials are everything.
455
00:18:37,578 --> 00:18:39,216
- Yeah.
456
00:18:39,216 --> 00:18:41,883
Stores all the way to Flagstaff.
457
00:18:43,114 --> 00:18:44,988
- So it's too bad you guys lost touch.
458
00:18:44,988 --> 00:18:46,429
- You know how it goes.
459
00:18:46,429 --> 00:18:47,680
It's been a while since I've had any
460
00:18:47,680 --> 00:18:48,679
- Sausage?
461
00:18:48,679 --> 00:18:50,771
- Contact with Matt.
462
00:18:50,771 --> 00:18:52,948
- Jeez, Matt, how long has it been
463
00:18:52,948 --> 00:18:54,030
since I've seen you?
464
00:18:54,030 --> 00:18:55,834
Three years?
465
00:18:55,834 --> 00:18:56,667
- [Matt And Ryan] 10.
466
00:18:56,667 --> 00:18:57,678
- 10?
467
00:18:57,678 --> 00:19:00,295
My goodness, well the
two of you were just,
468
00:19:00,295 --> 00:19:01,545
- Pure chicken.
469
00:19:05,376 --> 00:19:06,802
- Alex, when these two
were in high school,
470
00:19:06,802 --> 00:19:07,803
they were completely,
471
00:19:07,803 --> 00:19:09,405
- Pigs in a blanket?
472
00:19:09,405 --> 00:19:11,119
- We're fine, thanks.
473
00:19:11,119 --> 00:19:12,621
- Totally inseparable.
474
00:19:12,621 --> 00:19:14,002
So what happened?
475
00:19:14,002 --> 00:19:15,895
- Well after my mom and
dad moved to Scottsdale,
476
00:19:15,895 --> 00:19:18,524
guess I just never found
a reason to come back.
477
00:19:18,524 --> 00:19:20,806
- You know you could have
come home at any time.
478
00:19:20,806 --> 00:19:23,378
- That's what I'm doing now.
479
00:19:23,378 --> 00:19:26,961
- You know, Bryan, we
fly 2500 miles today.
480
00:19:28,613 --> 00:19:30,978
The least you could do is
offer my wife and I a drink.
481
00:19:30,978 --> 00:19:31,977
- Gerald, would you like,
482
00:19:31,977 --> 00:19:33,481
- Scotch and soda on the rocks.
483
00:19:33,481 --> 00:19:36,195
No rocks, no soda, two.
484
00:19:36,195 --> 00:19:40,582
- Matt, this is my Dad
Gerald, my mom Evelyn.
485
00:19:40,582 --> 00:19:41,415
- Hi.
486
00:19:42,995 --> 00:19:44,495
Is Matthew single?
487
00:19:45,397 --> 00:19:47,564
- Haha, she's just joking.
488
00:19:49,079 --> 00:19:50,888
- Of course I'm joking.
489
00:19:50,888 --> 00:19:54,023
- I think we need some drinks.
490
00:19:54,023 --> 00:19:55,021
Lots of drinks.
491
00:19:55,021 --> 00:19:56,921
Alex, gin and tonic?
492
00:19:56,921 --> 00:19:57,754
- Please.
493
00:19:57,754 --> 00:19:58,587
- [Ryan] Matt?
494
00:19:58,587 --> 00:19:59,777
- Same.
495
00:19:59,777 --> 00:20:03,356
- Let me introduce you to some people.
496
00:20:03,356 --> 00:20:04,856
- So Mrs. Barbara,
497
00:20:05,892 --> 00:20:07,942
you married the mattress king?
498
00:20:07,942 --> 00:20:09,433
May I call you your majesty?
499
00:20:09,433 --> 00:20:13,153
- Matt, I think that's an honorable title.
500
00:20:13,153 --> 00:20:14,695
- (laughing) For Christ's sake.
501
00:20:14,695 --> 00:20:16,541
That's just a name that he calls himself
502
00:20:16,541 --> 00:20:17,938
on the TV commercial.
503
00:20:17,938 --> 00:20:19,568
- What's the matter,
Wayne, are you jealous?
504
00:20:19,568 --> 00:20:20,739
- Jealous?
505
00:20:20,739 --> 00:20:22,314
I don't even know the meaning of the word.
506
00:20:22,314 --> 00:20:26,481
- Yeah, you don't know the
meaning of lots of words.
507
00:20:28,477 --> 00:20:29,808
- So you come here often?
508
00:20:29,808 --> 00:20:31,985
- Hmm, not since,
509
00:20:31,985 --> 00:20:35,089
was it Chris's sister
who got married here?
510
00:20:35,089 --> 00:20:36,500
- I think I remember something about Sean
511
00:20:36,500 --> 00:20:38,608
puking on our stuff.
512
00:20:38,608 --> 00:20:40,048
Burro, was that his place?
513
00:20:40,048 --> 00:20:41,131
- I think so.
514
00:20:42,155 --> 00:20:44,832
- Oh my god, is that your
great aunt's cheese dip?
515
00:20:44,832 --> 00:20:46,549
- Yeah, she's actually right over there.
516
00:20:46,549 --> 00:20:47,719
Aunt Minnie, do you remember Matt?
517
00:20:47,719 --> 00:20:48,992
- Huh?
518
00:20:48,992 --> 00:20:51,553
Oh Matty, Matty, hello dear.
519
00:20:51,553 --> 00:20:52,697
- I love this stuff.
520
00:20:52,697 --> 00:20:54,578
Remember the time I made
a whole bowl by myself?
521
00:20:54,578 --> 00:20:58,432
- Was that the time you
couldn't crap for a week?
522
00:20:58,432 --> 00:21:00,031
- She's kind of changed
the recipe now that she's
523
00:21:00,031 --> 00:21:02,176
a big supporter of immigrant's rights.
524
00:21:02,176 --> 00:21:03,204
Isn't that right, Aunt Minnie?
525
00:21:03,204 --> 00:21:05,454
- Yeah, viva la raza, baby.
526
00:21:07,125 --> 00:21:08,797
- Larry, emergency here.
527
00:21:08,797 --> 00:21:09,880
- Cheese dip?
528
00:21:11,184 --> 00:21:12,739
- Yeah, she loads it with jalapenos now.
529
00:21:12,739 --> 00:21:14,037
I think it has more to do with smoking
530
00:21:14,037 --> 00:21:15,888
two packs a day all these years.
531
00:21:15,888 --> 00:21:18,331
Her taste buds are shot to hell.
532
00:21:18,331 --> 00:21:20,137
- It's like Satan's toothpaste.
533
00:21:20,137 --> 00:21:21,761
- Yup.
534
00:21:21,761 --> 00:21:23,261
Times change, man.
535
00:21:24,419 --> 00:21:25,252
- I guess.
536
00:21:26,977 --> 00:21:30,297
I mean, hey you're getting married.
537
00:21:30,297 --> 00:21:33,161
- Yeah, maybe I'm starting to grow up.
538
00:21:33,161 --> 00:21:38,110
Maybe I'm just starting
to grow old, I don't know.
539
00:21:38,110 --> 00:21:39,160
- Alex seems nice.
540
00:21:39,160 --> 00:21:40,743
- Yeah, she's nice.
541
00:21:41,833 --> 00:21:42,666
- Nice.
542
00:21:43,857 --> 00:21:45,935
That's all you've got to
say about your fiancee.
543
00:21:45,935 --> 00:21:47,116
- I was agreeing with you.
544
00:21:47,116 --> 00:21:48,921
What should I say?
545
00:21:48,921 --> 00:21:49,754
- Mhmm.
546
00:21:50,939 --> 00:21:53,729
How about it's good to see you.
547
00:21:53,729 --> 00:21:54,646
I miss you.
548
00:21:58,436 --> 00:21:59,269
- I'm sorry.
549
00:21:59,269 --> 00:22:00,606
It is good to see you.
550
00:22:00,606 --> 00:22:02,106
I have missed you.
551
00:22:03,040 --> 00:22:04,561
Thanks, Larry.
552
00:22:04,561 --> 00:22:05,394
Oh yeah.
553
00:22:11,105 --> 00:22:14,188
- I'm gonna need a few more of these.
554
00:22:17,420 --> 00:22:19,920
(kooky music)
555
00:22:29,803 --> 00:22:31,496
(Alex giggling)
556
00:22:31,496 --> 00:22:32,495
- Wait, wait, wait.
557
00:22:32,495 --> 00:22:33,499
Where are my car keys?
558
00:22:33,499 --> 00:22:34,799
- Oh, no, no, no.
559
00:22:34,799 --> 00:22:35,850
That's it.
560
00:22:35,850 --> 00:22:37,675
You're not driving up sober.
561
00:22:37,675 --> 00:22:38,897
(Matt laughing)
562
00:22:38,897 --> 00:22:39,896
Shut up, shut up.
563
00:22:39,896 --> 00:22:41,019
You're not sober enough.
564
00:22:41,019 --> 00:22:42,327
You know what I mean.
565
00:22:42,327 --> 00:22:43,832
Oh, sleep with us.
566
00:22:43,832 --> 00:22:44,665
- What?
567
00:22:45,772 --> 00:22:47,259
- Sleep here with us.
568
00:22:47,259 --> 00:22:48,580
We have a guestroom.
569
00:22:48,580 --> 00:22:49,650
You are our guest.
570
00:22:49,650 --> 00:22:51,900
And you're staying with us.
571
00:22:55,979 --> 00:22:57,421
- Wow.
572
00:22:57,421 --> 00:22:58,756
You kept all your old stuff.
573
00:22:58,756 --> 00:22:59,975
- Yeah, when mom and dad got divorced,
574
00:22:59,975 --> 00:23:02,065
neither of them wanted any of this shit.
575
00:23:02,065 --> 00:23:04,390
He had no space and she had too much stuff
576
00:23:04,390 --> 00:23:05,739
in storage already.
577
00:23:05,739 --> 00:23:07,340
It didn't make sense to lose it.
578
00:23:07,340 --> 00:23:10,001
It'll be good for my kid.
579
00:23:10,001 --> 00:23:12,134
- Man, I can't believe
your parents are divorced.
580
00:23:12,134 --> 00:23:14,374
- What did you expect, they
used to fight all the time.
581
00:23:14,374 --> 00:23:15,603
Don't you remember?
582
00:23:15,603 --> 00:23:17,590
I think they were just waiting
till I got out of the house.
583
00:23:17,590 --> 00:23:20,941
- Yeah but this place
was just so Mayberry.
584
00:23:20,941 --> 00:23:23,191
I guess I didn't expect it.
585
00:23:24,523 --> 00:23:28,273
- Well I'll go get you
some towels and stuff.
586
00:23:32,912 --> 00:23:34,045
- [Barbara] You are such a hound dog!
587
00:23:34,045 --> 00:23:35,206
- [Wayne] You just stop talking a minute!
588
00:23:35,206 --> 00:23:37,085
- [Barbara] He is 13 years old.
589
00:23:37,085 --> 00:23:40,502
(shouting and screaming)
590
00:23:44,263 --> 00:23:45,516
- Hey come on, set up yours.
591
00:23:45,516 --> 00:23:46,349
No upsies.
592
00:23:48,345 --> 00:23:52,556
- If I'm still in this
town in 10 years, shoot me.
593
00:23:52,556 --> 00:23:55,139
(somber music)
594
00:24:08,683 --> 00:24:11,163
Care to make it interesting?
595
00:24:11,163 --> 00:24:12,330
- Interesting?
596
00:24:13,267 --> 00:24:16,653
Sink a ship, take a drink,
something like that?
597
00:24:16,653 --> 00:24:18,403
- Um, I was thinking,
598
00:24:19,672 --> 00:24:22,339
sink a ship, take something off.
599
00:24:23,566 --> 00:24:24,564
- You serious?
600
00:24:24,564 --> 00:24:26,092
- What, I've seen you
naked after practice,
601
00:24:26,092 --> 00:24:27,069
what's the difference?
602
00:24:27,069 --> 00:24:30,058
- I thought we were supposed to get shots.
603
00:24:30,058 --> 00:24:32,959
- Hell, let's do something different.
604
00:24:32,959 --> 00:24:34,042
It'll be fun.
605
00:24:35,825 --> 00:24:36,825
- All right.
606
00:24:40,552 --> 00:24:41,635
Strip battle.
607
00:24:43,238 --> 00:24:44,823
- [Together] Battlestrip!
608
00:24:44,823 --> 00:24:45,656
- B2.
609
00:24:47,160 --> 00:24:48,263
- Miss.
610
00:24:48,263 --> 00:24:49,273
A2.
611
00:24:49,273 --> 00:24:50,271
- Hit.
612
00:24:50,271 --> 00:24:51,270
- Yes!
613
00:24:51,270 --> 00:24:52,282
- C2.
614
00:24:52,282 --> 00:24:54,282
- You sunk my destroyer.
615
00:24:57,174 --> 00:24:58,434
- Socks?
616
00:24:58,434 --> 00:24:59,434
- Well that's first.
617
00:24:59,434 --> 00:25:00,596
- You're a wimp.
618
00:25:00,596 --> 00:25:01,429
- J7.
619
00:25:03,049 --> 00:25:05,382
- Ah, you sunk my submarine.
620
00:25:06,540 --> 00:25:09,123
(upbeat music)
621
00:25:14,539 --> 00:25:15,372
Strip.
622
00:25:27,535 --> 00:25:29,035
Getting dangerous.
623
00:25:32,916 --> 00:25:33,981
- F2.
624
00:25:33,981 --> 00:25:34,814
- Hit.
625
00:25:35,766 --> 00:25:36,599
- Yes!
626
00:25:39,596 --> 00:25:40,429
I won.
627
00:26:10,231 --> 00:26:12,632
- You okay there, Matty?
628
00:26:12,632 --> 00:26:14,799
Is that too weird for you?
629
00:26:15,651 --> 00:26:18,151
(light music)
630
00:26:45,724 --> 00:26:46,952
You okay there, Matty?
631
00:26:46,952 --> 00:26:48,543
- Ryan, yeah.
632
00:26:48,543 --> 00:26:50,595
Woozy, I guess.
633
00:26:50,595 --> 00:26:51,825
Cocktail's catching up.
634
00:26:51,825 --> 00:26:56,237
- You're not gonna be taking
a trip to vomitville, are you?
635
00:26:56,237 --> 00:26:57,869
- Your bedspread is safe.
636
00:26:57,869 --> 00:27:01,434
- Watch out for my new pillowcases too.
637
00:27:01,434 --> 00:27:04,472
- I was just having a moment.
638
00:27:04,472 --> 00:27:07,472
It's a little weird being back here.
639
00:27:08,604 --> 00:27:12,187
- It's a little weird
seeing you back here.
640
00:27:13,273 --> 00:27:15,440
- Bad weird or good weird?
641
00:27:17,436 --> 00:27:19,269
- Just weird, I guess.
642
00:27:21,166 --> 00:27:21,999
- Hey.
643
00:27:23,426 --> 00:27:25,759
I should have, I don't know,
644
00:27:26,988 --> 00:27:28,821
called or come sooner.
645
00:27:31,200 --> 00:27:32,950
- Well, you came now.
646
00:27:34,967 --> 00:27:37,300
I'm really glad you're here.
647
00:27:55,498 --> 00:27:57,331
Do you want something?
648
00:27:59,189 --> 00:28:01,392
Toothbrush, toothpaste, anything?
649
00:28:01,392 --> 00:28:02,225
- No.
650
00:28:03,901 --> 00:28:04,984
- Okay, I'll,
651
00:28:06,300 --> 00:28:08,720
I'll see you in the morning.
652
00:28:08,720 --> 00:28:12,637
- Hey, Ry man, if this
old bed could talk, huh?
653
00:28:15,582 --> 00:28:18,749
You do remember all that stuff, right?
654
00:28:20,243 --> 00:28:23,343
- What were we thinking, huh?
655
00:28:23,343 --> 00:28:24,491
(sighing)
656
00:28:24,491 --> 00:28:28,241
Good night, man, I'll
see you in the morning.
657
00:28:29,780 --> 00:28:32,447
(phone ringing)
658
00:28:33,962 --> 00:28:36,462
(kooky music)
659
00:28:40,876 --> 00:28:42,094
- [Steph] Good morning Julia.
660
00:28:42,094 --> 00:28:43,620
Ruined your best friend's wedding yet?
661
00:28:43,620 --> 00:28:47,729
- Steph, what the hell are you
calling me at the crack of,
662
00:28:47,729 --> 00:28:48,562
10, shit!
663
00:28:49,776 --> 00:28:50,887
- Barry's freaking.
664
00:28:50,887 --> 00:28:53,050
Something about the model
releases from the Nob Hill spread.
665
00:28:53,050 --> 00:28:56,133
- [Matt] It's in a folder on my desk.
666
00:28:59,995 --> 00:29:02,245
- So, this Ryan guy, is he?
667
00:29:03,225 --> 00:29:04,579
- I'm not really sure.
668
00:29:04,579 --> 00:29:06,228
- What, you can't tell if he got fat?
669
00:29:06,228 --> 00:29:07,420
Come on, you're a gay man.
670
00:29:07,420 --> 00:29:09,272
You can hear me retaining
water through the phone.
671
00:29:09,272 --> 00:29:10,586
- Oh, fat.
672
00:29:10,586 --> 00:29:11,994
No he's not.
673
00:29:11,994 --> 00:29:14,327
- Oh, you mean is he gay?
674
00:29:14,327 --> 00:29:15,736
You can't tell?
675
00:29:15,736 --> 00:29:17,958
Is your gaydar on the fritz?
676
00:29:17,958 --> 00:29:19,208
- I don't know.
677
00:29:20,568 --> 00:29:24,068
But last night, I'm sure he did a lean in.
678
00:29:25,246 --> 00:29:26,965
- (gasping) The "kiss
me, you fool" lean in?
679
00:29:26,965 --> 00:29:27,798
- Yeah.
680
00:29:29,470 --> 00:29:30,795
I swear.
681
00:29:30,795 --> 00:29:33,628
(water splashing)
682
00:29:56,114 --> 00:29:57,770
- Oh hey.
683
00:29:57,770 --> 00:29:59,452
What you looking for?
684
00:29:59,452 --> 00:30:00,727
- Aspirin.
685
00:30:00,727 --> 00:30:03,310
- Oh, I'm gonna get you coffee.
686
00:30:06,440 --> 00:30:07,456
- Is that?
687
00:30:07,456 --> 00:30:09,186
- Irish Coffee.
688
00:30:09,186 --> 00:30:13,222
Well, you can't get hung over
if you don't stop drinking.
689
00:30:13,222 --> 00:30:15,160
I'm not normally a lush, I swear.
690
00:30:15,160 --> 00:30:18,660
It's just clearly, it's not a normal week.
691
00:30:23,785 --> 00:30:24,618
- May I?
692
00:30:24,618 --> 00:30:25,451
- Please.
693
00:30:26,868 --> 00:30:28,701
- It's more the wrist.
694
00:30:30,409 --> 00:30:31,492
There you go.
695
00:30:34,087 --> 00:30:34,920
All right.
696
00:30:47,432 --> 00:30:48,523
- Nice.
697
00:30:48,523 --> 00:30:49,356
So Matt.
698
00:30:51,689 --> 00:30:53,427
Does Ryan know?
699
00:30:53,427 --> 00:30:54,427
- Know what?
700
00:30:56,743 --> 00:30:59,743
- You know, did you come out to him?
701
00:31:00,783 --> 00:31:01,616
- Well.
702
00:31:03,881 --> 00:31:04,889
And here I thought I was butching it up
703
00:31:04,889 --> 00:31:07,806
pretty well for the hometown crowd.
704
00:31:08,771 --> 00:31:11,386
- Oh, is that what you were going for?
705
00:31:11,386 --> 00:31:12,219
Butch?
706
00:31:14,182 --> 00:31:15,982
Kidding, relax.
707
00:31:15,982 --> 00:31:18,116
You know we do have this
thing called the internet.
708
00:31:18,116 --> 00:31:20,936
I googled you and your picture came up
709
00:31:20,936 --> 00:31:22,602
in your magazine's website.
710
00:31:22,602 --> 00:31:25,871
I just wanted to know
if I should play along
711
00:31:25,871 --> 00:31:29,753
if you happen to bring up a girlfriend.
712
00:31:29,753 --> 00:31:30,980
- [Together] In Canada.
713
00:31:30,980 --> 00:31:33,335
(laughing)
714
00:31:33,335 --> 00:31:36,835
- She's probably doing good about now, eh?
715
00:31:38,998 --> 00:31:41,581
- Okay, I'm not gonna ask what.
716
00:31:44,331 --> 00:31:45,664
All right, what?
717
00:31:47,156 --> 00:31:48,353
- What?
718
00:31:48,353 --> 00:31:49,445
Nothing.
719
00:31:49,445 --> 00:31:52,327
We're talking about stuff.
720
00:31:52,327 --> 00:31:53,160
- Really?
721
00:31:54,418 --> 00:31:56,001
What kind of stuff?
722
00:31:57,679 --> 00:31:59,338
- Wedding stuff.
723
00:31:59,338 --> 00:32:00,523
We're getting married.
724
00:32:00,523 --> 00:32:01,755
- You two?
725
00:32:01,755 --> 00:32:02,588
Whoo, that is such a relief.
726
00:32:02,588 --> 00:32:04,471
Because for a minute
there I thought you and I
727
00:32:04,471 --> 00:32:05,671
were getting married.
728
00:32:05,671 --> 00:32:07,309
How much did we have to drink last night?
729
00:32:07,309 --> 00:32:11,210
- Oh, you're a funny man, Mr. Woodson.
730
00:32:11,210 --> 00:32:12,627
Funny, funny man.
731
00:32:13,524 --> 00:32:15,292
Well if you'll excuse me,
my parents will be here
732
00:32:15,292 --> 00:32:18,188
in a few minutes and I'd best fix my hair
733
00:32:18,188 --> 00:32:21,938
before my dad tells his
dumb Yeti joke again.
734
00:32:24,363 --> 00:32:25,613
- Pancakes huh?
735
00:32:26,930 --> 00:32:27,847
- You lied.
736
00:32:29,140 --> 00:32:31,392
You are a big liar.
737
00:32:31,392 --> 00:32:32,939
- What, when?
738
00:32:32,939 --> 00:32:34,022
- Last night.
739
00:32:35,578 --> 00:32:37,528
You told me she was nice.
740
00:32:37,528 --> 00:32:38,778
She's not nice.
741
00:32:39,769 --> 00:32:41,019
She's terrific.
742
00:32:42,650 --> 00:32:45,061
- Yeah, she kind of is, isn't she?
743
00:32:45,061 --> 00:32:46,097
I just didn't wanna be one of those guys
744
00:32:46,097 --> 00:32:48,713
that goes on about how great their girl is
745
00:32:48,713 --> 00:32:51,163
like they're trying to
prove something, you know.
746
00:32:51,163 --> 00:32:53,791
'Cause, when you meet her, it's obvious.
747
00:32:53,791 --> 00:32:56,458
- So, where are you at with her?
748
00:32:59,089 --> 00:33:02,184
- Um, we're getting married
in a day and a half.
749
00:33:02,184 --> 00:33:04,298
Seems pretty serious.
750
00:33:04,298 --> 00:33:05,131
- Cool.
751
00:33:07,017 --> 00:33:10,490
You two seem kind of all
about love and kisses
752
00:33:10,490 --> 00:33:12,157
and full disclosure?
753
00:33:16,411 --> 00:33:19,097
- You didn't say anything to her, did you?
754
00:33:19,097 --> 00:33:20,948
- About battlestrip?
755
00:33:20,948 --> 00:33:22,687
Sleepovers?
756
00:33:22,687 --> 00:33:24,809
About where you learned
that thing with your tongue?
757
00:33:24,809 --> 00:33:25,987
- Uh, yeah.
758
00:33:25,987 --> 00:33:29,266
- No, did you?
- Morning, hi everybody.
759
00:33:29,266 --> 00:33:30,792
- It never really came up.
760
00:33:30,792 --> 00:33:31,968
- [Evelyn] Hi!
761
00:33:31,968 --> 00:33:33,548
- Hi.
762
00:33:33,548 --> 00:33:35,440
- [Evelyn] Boy I could
use a good cup of coffee.
763
00:33:35,440 --> 00:33:37,837
- Uh, that's, it's kind of,
764
00:33:37,837 --> 00:33:38,670
- Kind of?
765
00:33:43,969 --> 00:33:45,302
Kind of perfect.
766
00:33:53,009 --> 00:33:55,732
- So Matt, Ryan decided he, his dad and I
767
00:33:55,732 --> 00:33:57,346
were going to have a threesome.
768
00:33:57,346 --> 00:33:59,096
Care to join us, hmm?
769
00:34:06,110 --> 00:34:06,943
- Golf.
770
00:34:07,835 --> 00:34:09,988
Oh, yeah of course this is what you meant.
771
00:34:09,988 --> 00:34:11,684
- What do you say we place
a hundred bucks on it?
772
00:34:11,684 --> 00:34:14,261
- Oh I thought we're just
playing a friendly game?
773
00:34:14,261 --> 00:34:16,486
- Yeah sure, what could be
friendlier than a little wager
774
00:34:16,486 --> 00:34:19,383
unless you're gonna be off
getting facials with a girl.
775
00:34:19,383 --> 00:34:20,568
- Jeez dad, come on.
776
00:34:20,568 --> 00:34:22,155
I doubt Gerald came out here to make bets
777
00:34:22,155 --> 00:34:25,150
- Why, you think I shy
away from 100 dollars?
778
00:34:25,150 --> 00:34:26,650
Wanna make it two?
779
00:34:28,367 --> 00:34:29,567
- We don't even know if Matt plays golf.
780
00:34:29,567 --> 00:34:30,912
- Oh I played a little in college.
781
00:34:30,912 --> 00:34:32,247
Does miniature golf count?
782
00:34:32,247 --> 00:34:34,738
- You bet it does, son.
783
00:34:34,738 --> 00:34:36,501
Now you were saying 300, right?
784
00:34:36,501 --> 00:34:39,418
You boys bring the clubs, will you?
785
00:34:40,856 --> 00:34:42,449
- Do you have any idea
how obnoxious my dad gets
786
00:34:42,449 --> 00:34:43,598
when he wins a bet?
787
00:34:43,598 --> 00:34:44,812
- Your dad gets obnoxious?
788
00:34:44,812 --> 00:34:46,729
- Have you met the guy?
789
00:34:48,853 --> 00:34:49,918
- Same guy who brought in a bookie
790
00:34:49,918 --> 00:34:52,713
for our senior soccer championship?
791
00:34:52,713 --> 00:34:53,826
- Yeah, that guy.
792
00:34:53,826 --> 00:34:55,059
He's gotten worse.
793
00:34:55,059 --> 00:34:57,034
- Hey, what's the holdup with those clubs?
794
00:34:57,034 --> 00:34:58,059
Come on.
795
00:34:58,059 --> 00:34:59,059
- See, I'm trying to keep things
796
00:34:59,059 --> 00:35:00,207
on an even keel this weekend.
797
00:35:00,207 --> 00:35:01,929
If we bet with him, it's like waving red
798
00:35:01,929 --> 00:35:02,967
in front of a bull.
799
00:35:02,967 --> 00:35:04,518
- And that's bad, right?
800
00:35:04,518 --> 00:35:05,828
- Are you crazy?
801
00:35:05,828 --> 00:35:07,409
It's like Pamplona bad.
802
00:35:07,409 --> 00:35:08,662
If he wins the bet he's just gonna be
803
00:35:08,662 --> 00:35:11,143
rubbing it in our face all weekend long.
804
00:35:11,143 --> 00:35:14,067
- Afraid you can't keep up
with him golf-wise, huh?
805
00:35:14,067 --> 00:35:15,296
- Keep up?
806
00:35:15,296 --> 00:35:17,038
I can keep up just fine.
807
00:35:17,038 --> 00:35:19,156
I'm no Tiger Woods but against my dad,
808
00:35:19,156 --> 00:35:22,432
I'm just trying to save
you a little embarrassment.
809
00:35:22,432 --> 00:35:24,313
- Yeah, about that.
810
00:35:24,313 --> 00:35:26,407
The little I played in college,
811
00:35:26,407 --> 00:35:28,500
I was the captain of
the Stanford golf team.
812
00:35:28,500 --> 00:35:29,499
- Shut up.
813
00:35:29,499 --> 00:35:30,791
- We took second place in nationals.
814
00:35:30,791 --> 00:35:32,268
- Oh shut up.
815
00:35:32,268 --> 00:35:33,742
- I have a six handicap.
816
00:35:33,742 --> 00:35:35,320
- Shut the hell up!
817
00:35:35,320 --> 00:35:37,094
- [Wayne] For Christ's sake my dead granny
818
00:35:37,094 --> 00:35:38,661
can move faster than you boys.
819
00:35:38,661 --> 00:35:40,319
- My dad so needs to get his ass kicked.
820
00:35:40,319 --> 00:35:42,569
- That's what I'm thinking.
821
00:35:46,696 --> 00:35:48,558
- All right then, let's
figure out this bet.
822
00:35:48,558 --> 00:35:49,975
Matt, are you in?
823
00:35:50,820 --> 00:35:52,765
- Uh sure, just remind me
again which was the putter
824
00:35:52,765 --> 00:35:54,765
and which is the driver?
825
00:35:56,515 --> 00:35:59,687
- I feel, Matt, only obligated
826
00:35:59,687 --> 00:36:01,956
to let you in on a few
Wayneisms I've collected
827
00:36:01,956 --> 00:36:03,206
over the years.
828
00:36:08,397 --> 00:36:10,190
Swing, don't overthink it.
829
00:36:10,190 --> 00:36:12,607
Think but don't overswing it.
830
00:36:22,366 --> 00:36:23,710
- Wow!
831
00:36:23,710 --> 00:36:26,452
They never flew like that in putt putt.
832
00:36:26,452 --> 00:36:29,103
- And the game's afoot!
833
00:36:29,103 --> 00:36:31,770
(country music)
834
00:37:10,411 --> 00:37:12,527
- Wayne, you lost something.
835
00:37:12,527 --> 00:37:14,699
- That son of a bitch!
836
00:37:14,699 --> 00:37:17,116
How does that keep happening?
837
00:37:18,612 --> 00:37:20,135
- How'd you end up stuck
working for your dad
838
00:37:20,135 --> 00:37:22,786
in buttfuck New Mexico?
839
00:37:22,786 --> 00:37:24,277
- You know how it goes.
840
00:37:24,277 --> 00:37:26,308
I worked summers for him through college.
841
00:37:26,308 --> 00:37:28,262
You do okay, winter would come around
842
00:37:28,262 --> 00:37:31,722
and he'd drive the company
right back into the toilet.
843
00:37:31,722 --> 00:37:33,078
It became pretty clear that
if I didn't stick around
844
00:37:33,078 --> 00:37:34,935
to keep him from making
bids out of his ass
845
00:37:34,935 --> 00:37:39,102
that he'd be bankrupt before
I can cross the state line.
846
00:37:40,656 --> 00:37:44,406
- And I bet he appreciates
everything you do.
847
00:37:45,455 --> 00:37:47,331
- [Ryan] We're not gonna
find this damn ball.
848
00:37:47,331 --> 00:37:48,164
- Got it.
849
00:37:51,082 --> 00:37:52,203
- Maybe I'm gonna play it safe.
850
00:37:52,203 --> 00:37:53,204
- Oh, come on.
851
00:37:53,204 --> 00:37:54,037
Matt up.
852
00:37:58,342 --> 00:37:59,773
- Anyway, the company's doing well now
853
00:37:59,773 --> 00:38:01,855
so does it really matter
who gets the credit?
854
00:38:01,855 --> 00:38:03,567
- Jeez, you're still making
excuses for your dad.
855
00:38:03,567 --> 00:38:06,400
Reminds me of back in high school.
856
00:38:07,935 --> 00:38:08,923
- If you were still back in high school
857
00:38:08,923 --> 00:38:10,672
you'd be shushing through your retainer.
858
00:38:10,672 --> 00:38:11,688
My name is Matt.
859
00:38:11,688 --> 00:38:13,200
It's a pleasure to make your acquaintance.
860
00:38:13,200 --> 00:38:14,204
- Shut up!
861
00:38:14,204 --> 00:38:15,551
Wouldn't have had to
wear that stupid retainer
862
00:38:15,551 --> 00:38:16,599
if you hadn't taught me the stupid way
863
00:38:16,599 --> 00:38:18,266
to screw up my bite.
864
00:38:28,210 --> 00:38:30,710
(tense music)
865
00:38:38,000 --> 00:38:39,001
- Yes!
866
00:38:39,001 --> 00:38:40,205
Oh yeah!
867
00:38:40,205 --> 00:38:42,255
Watch out everybody, Matty's back in town.
868
00:38:42,255 --> 00:38:43,999
Oh, drinks are on me!
869
00:38:43,999 --> 00:38:45,983
- You said you were an 11 handicap.
870
00:38:45,983 --> 00:38:48,023
- Grass is a little wet, okay?
871
00:38:48,023 --> 00:38:49,919
- How the hell would you know?
872
00:38:49,919 --> 00:38:52,846
You've been in the sand all day.
873
00:38:52,846 --> 00:38:54,328
- Dammit, never again, never never.
874
00:38:54,328 --> 00:38:55,711
I'm not playing golf with you bastards.
875
00:38:55,711 --> 00:38:56,878
He's a ringer!
876
00:38:57,837 --> 00:39:00,467
Screw the clubs, I'm getting a cool one.
877
00:39:00,467 --> 00:39:01,300
Goddamit.
878
00:39:04,753 --> 00:39:08,613
I'm not playing golf with
those bastards again.
879
00:39:08,613 --> 00:39:10,074
- So how was the game?
880
00:39:10,074 --> 00:39:12,616
My big strong men, he thinks with sticks.
881
00:39:12,616 --> 00:39:14,099
- You mock, woman.
882
00:39:14,099 --> 00:39:16,321
But I brought home the paper.
883
00:39:16,321 --> 00:39:18,700
Why don't you go buy
yourselves some bling?
884
00:39:18,700 --> 00:39:21,118
- Thanks, we're heading
to the bridal shop.
885
00:39:21,118 --> 00:39:22,249
Matt, you should come with us
886
00:39:22,249 --> 00:39:23,876
and help us pick something out.
887
00:39:23,876 --> 00:39:24,959
- Yeah, Matt.
888
00:39:26,745 --> 00:39:28,245
- I have our keys.
889
00:39:30,093 --> 00:39:30,926
- Oh.
890
00:39:32,159 --> 00:39:34,490
Wonder if they're trying
to set him up with Elly.
891
00:39:34,490 --> 00:39:36,823
- Yeah, good luck with that.
892
00:39:40,900 --> 00:39:43,745
- Yeah, I think that'll be great.
893
00:39:43,745 --> 00:39:45,905
- Hmm, I think it looks tacky.
894
00:39:45,905 --> 00:39:48,129
- No it doesn't look
tacky, it's beautiful.
895
00:39:48,129 --> 00:39:49,127
- It's too long.
896
00:39:49,127 --> 00:39:50,954
- Matthew, did you know that
Elly lived in California
897
00:39:50,954 --> 00:39:52,255
two summers ago?
898
00:39:52,255 --> 00:39:53,265
- Oh really?
899
00:39:53,265 --> 00:39:54,282
- Yeah, L.A.
900
00:39:54,282 --> 00:39:55,615
Fuck California.
901
00:39:59,705 --> 00:40:02,109
- Would you ladies care for some tea?
902
00:40:02,109 --> 00:40:05,102
Oh I'm sorry, I didn't see
the gentleman with you.
903
00:40:05,102 --> 00:40:07,047
Or we have a lovely fruit punch.
904
00:40:07,047 --> 00:40:09,881
- How about a lovely pitcher of Martinis?
905
00:40:09,881 --> 00:40:11,214
- Vodka or gin?
906
00:40:11,214 --> 00:40:12,231
- Really?
907
00:40:12,231 --> 00:40:13,880
Gin, a little dirty.
908
00:40:13,880 --> 00:40:15,619
- I'll get the special tea tray.
909
00:40:15,619 --> 00:40:16,619
- I like it.
910
00:40:19,723 --> 00:40:22,128
- You know these aren't dresses.
911
00:40:22,128 --> 00:40:23,405
They're fucking costumes.
912
00:40:23,405 --> 00:40:26,610
- Well, maybe at least
my costume will make it
913
00:40:26,610 --> 00:40:28,026
into the church.
914
00:40:28,026 --> 00:40:29,024
- Bitch.
915
00:40:29,024 --> 00:40:31,051
- That's Mrs. Bitch to you.
916
00:40:31,051 --> 00:40:32,214
- Girls.
917
00:40:32,214 --> 00:40:34,224
- Mom, if she's gonna be a dark cloud
918
00:40:34,224 --> 00:40:35,471
then she shouldn't have come.
919
00:40:35,471 --> 00:40:36,661
- So she's being a pill.
920
00:40:36,661 --> 00:40:39,672
You could speak nicely
specially in front of a guest.
921
00:40:39,672 --> 00:40:41,754
- Well, Matt is family.
922
00:40:41,754 --> 00:40:43,367
- What's the deal with you two?
923
00:40:43,367 --> 00:40:46,700
Alex, you're so bubbly and she's so not.
924
00:40:48,175 --> 00:40:49,812
Are you sure you're even related?
925
00:40:49,812 --> 00:40:52,304
- Elly isn't always this way.
926
00:40:52,304 --> 00:40:54,438
She was supposed to get
married last summer.
927
00:40:54,438 --> 00:40:56,298
- It was two days before the wedding
928
00:40:56,298 --> 00:40:59,241
and Bryce decided he
needed to find himself
929
00:40:59,241 --> 00:41:00,962
or some bullshit like that.
930
00:41:00,962 --> 00:41:02,993
Yeah, he found himself alright.
931
00:41:02,993 --> 00:41:05,430
Fucking the minister's niece.
932
00:41:05,430 --> 00:41:07,105
- You can understand why
we're a little gun shy
933
00:41:07,105 --> 00:41:08,147
about weddings.
934
00:41:08,147 --> 00:41:11,404
Specially when Alex came home and said
935
00:41:11,404 --> 00:41:13,427
that she was getting married.
936
00:41:13,427 --> 00:41:17,522
Considering the unusual
people that she brought home.
937
00:41:17,522 --> 00:41:19,689
- What kind would that be?
938
00:41:21,468 --> 00:41:23,440
- Not the marrying kind.
939
00:41:23,440 --> 00:41:27,294
Don't get me wrong, they
were perfectly nice guys.
940
00:41:27,294 --> 00:41:28,844
One of them was a pilot.
941
00:41:28,844 --> 00:41:30,359
He wanted to fly me all over the world.
942
00:41:30,359 --> 00:41:35,283
The other one owned a restaurant
and his name was Philippe.
943
00:41:35,283 --> 00:41:36,327
Can you believe it?
944
00:41:36,327 --> 00:41:37,627
Philippe.
945
00:41:37,627 --> 00:41:39,514
I used to call the guy Flipper.
946
00:41:39,514 --> 00:41:42,074
But I didn't want someone that was always
947
00:41:42,074 --> 00:41:44,964
flying off somewhere or
had to be on the cover
948
00:41:44,964 --> 00:41:46,574
of Gourmet magazine.
949
00:41:46,574 --> 00:41:49,407
I just want a regular average guy.
950
00:41:51,150 --> 00:41:53,374
- So Ryan's average?
951
00:41:53,374 --> 00:41:55,885
- It's not a bad thing, Matt.
952
00:41:55,885 --> 00:41:59,624
Jeez, people are so obsessed
with being extraordinary
953
00:41:59,624 --> 00:42:01,625
which that's fine and good
954
00:42:01,625 --> 00:42:03,785
if that's who you truly are.
955
00:42:03,785 --> 00:42:07,093
I had this student who was perfectly happy
956
00:42:07,093 --> 00:42:09,900
but he tested as average.
957
00:42:09,900 --> 00:42:11,890
And you could just tell
his parents thought
958
00:42:11,890 --> 00:42:15,464
he was damaged goods because of that word.
959
00:42:15,464 --> 00:42:16,696
So they pushed him and they pushed him
960
00:42:16,696 --> 00:42:18,694
and a year later, poor kid,
961
00:42:18,694 --> 00:42:21,194
he's still testing as average.
962
00:42:22,180 --> 00:42:25,309
Except then he's completely miserable.
963
00:42:25,309 --> 00:42:28,392
So trust me, average is a good thing.
964
00:42:34,290 --> 00:42:35,289
- The cap!
965
00:42:35,289 --> 00:42:36,861
There he is!
966
00:42:36,861 --> 00:42:37,859
There he is!
967
00:42:37,859 --> 00:42:38,857
Are you prepared to get rocked tonight?
968
00:42:38,857 --> 00:42:39,857
Are you ready?
969
00:42:39,857 --> 00:42:40,855
Bachelor party!
970
00:42:40,855 --> 00:42:43,665
Holy shit, Matthew Roman.
971
00:42:43,665 --> 00:42:44,842
- Holy shit.
972
00:42:44,842 --> 00:42:45,859
- Holy shit.
973
00:42:45,859 --> 00:42:48,998
- Joey and Chris, holy shit yourselves!
974
00:42:48,998 --> 00:42:49,831
- Roman!
975
00:42:51,020 --> 00:42:53,437
(rock music)
976
00:42:54,936 --> 00:42:55,936
- Let's get us some titties!
977
00:42:55,936 --> 00:42:57,678
- I got a pocket full of dollars.
978
00:42:57,678 --> 00:42:59,509
- Wait, wait, wait, wait, before we go.
979
00:42:59,509 --> 00:43:01,509
- Ooh, this is the shit.
980
00:43:02,929 --> 00:43:04,179
Hurry up, dude.
981
00:43:06,080 --> 00:43:07,352
- So Roman.
982
00:43:07,352 --> 00:43:08,811
San Francisco, huh?
983
00:43:08,811 --> 00:43:10,805
I bet you they got some
good weed up there.
984
00:43:10,805 --> 00:43:12,032
- Yeah, but isn't it all just a bunch of
985
00:43:12,032 --> 00:43:13,875
fagoes and hippies?
986
00:43:13,875 --> 00:43:17,404
- Hey Ry, it sounds like your scene.
987
00:43:17,404 --> 00:43:18,956
- Dude, our boy Ryan here has become
988
00:43:18,956 --> 00:43:19,936
kind of the town homo.
989
00:43:19,936 --> 00:43:20,769
- Come on, guys.
990
00:43:20,769 --> 00:43:21,602
- No, I wanna hear it.
991
00:43:21,602 --> 00:43:24,019
- Seriously he did like
community theater once.
992
00:43:24,019 --> 00:43:25,855
- I told you, I just built the set.
993
00:43:25,855 --> 00:43:27,795
- Dude, that was so gay!
994
00:43:27,795 --> 00:43:29,597
- [Joey] Totally gay.
995
00:43:29,597 --> 00:43:31,584
- I think you guys need
to find a new word.
996
00:43:31,584 --> 00:43:32,834
- Oh! Oh, well!
997
00:43:34,611 --> 00:43:36,198
- We got a homo in the group, huh?
998
00:43:36,198 --> 00:43:37,535
We got a homo in the group!
999
00:43:37,535 --> 00:43:39,675
- Actually, we do.
1000
00:43:39,675 --> 00:43:40,508
I'm gay.
1001
00:43:43,360 --> 00:43:45,846
(laughing)
1002
00:43:45,846 --> 00:43:49,763
- Dude, you totally had
me for like one second.
1003
00:43:56,406 --> 00:43:57,726
Seriously, but,
1004
00:43:57,726 --> 00:44:00,725
man you used to date my sister.
1005
00:44:00,725 --> 00:44:02,058
- When I was 12.
1006
00:44:03,140 --> 00:44:03,973
- Wow.
1007
00:44:06,204 --> 00:44:08,201
I had no idea.
1008
00:44:08,201 --> 00:44:09,320
- Yeah me neither.
1009
00:44:09,320 --> 00:44:10,532
- Like no idea.
1010
00:44:10,532 --> 00:44:12,195
I had like less idea.
1011
00:44:12,195 --> 00:44:14,405
- How can you have less
than, no you didn't.
1012
00:44:14,405 --> 00:44:15,927
I had less than if you have no idea?
1013
00:44:15,927 --> 00:44:17,035
- Okay.
1014
00:44:17,035 --> 00:44:17,868
I get it.
1015
00:44:24,687 --> 00:44:28,030
- Actually, Sean's got a gay uncle.
1016
00:44:28,030 --> 00:44:30,341
Yeah, it turns out his mom's got this gay
1017
00:44:30,341 --> 00:44:33,591
half brother she never even knew about.
1018
00:44:34,990 --> 00:44:38,546
Named Yurg in Switzerland or Sweden
1019
00:44:38,546 --> 00:44:39,672
or something place.
1020
00:44:39,672 --> 00:44:41,639
You don't know him, do you?
1021
00:44:41,639 --> 00:44:43,036
No, anyway.
1022
00:44:43,036 --> 00:44:44,536
I heard about him.
1023
00:44:46,803 --> 00:44:47,636
I'm sorry.
1024
00:44:49,335 --> 00:44:52,604
That just isn't normal, you know?
1025
00:44:52,604 --> 00:44:55,450
Live your whole life like that?
1026
00:44:55,450 --> 00:44:57,665
With a name like Yurg?
1027
00:44:57,665 --> 00:44:58,498
Fuck.
1028
00:45:04,228 --> 00:45:06,466
- Dude, what the fuck did
you bring that up for?
1029
00:45:06,466 --> 00:45:08,192
- What, it was getting awkward.
1030
00:45:08,192 --> 00:45:10,210
Somebody had to say something.
1031
00:45:10,210 --> 00:45:11,918
- Are you some kind of retard?
1032
00:45:11,918 --> 00:45:13,122
- You're a retard.
1033
00:45:13,122 --> 00:45:14,535
- I'm a retard, you're a retard.
1034
00:45:14,535 --> 00:45:17,618
You're a retard with a titty twister.
1035
00:45:18,773 --> 00:45:20,728
Ow, ow! You let go!
1036
00:45:20,728 --> 00:45:22,168
You let go first and I'll let go.
1037
00:45:22,168 --> 00:45:23,166
- You let go.
1038
00:45:23,166 --> 00:45:24,971
- I'm not gonna let go.
1039
00:45:24,971 --> 00:45:28,304
- You realize they both
look kind of retards.
1040
00:45:28,304 --> 00:45:29,304
- You think?
1041
00:45:34,612 --> 00:45:38,058
♪ Touch ♪
1042
00:45:38,058 --> 00:45:42,156
♪ Touch ♪
1043
00:45:42,156 --> 00:45:43,589
♪ Touch ♪
1044
00:45:43,589 --> 00:45:45,030
- Hey dude, isn't that your dad?
1045
00:45:45,030 --> 00:45:46,363
- You guys told my dad about this?
1046
00:45:46,363 --> 00:45:48,477
- Duh.
- Don't look at me.
1047
00:45:48,477 --> 00:45:50,310
- Look, see who it is.
1048
00:45:52,041 --> 00:45:54,310
Our cut in the herd for poor cost you had.
1049
00:45:54,310 --> 00:45:56,062
- Hi dad, what are you doing here?
1050
00:45:56,062 --> 00:45:57,435
- It's Thursday.
1051
00:45:57,435 --> 00:45:59,518
- I'll get us some beers.
1052
00:46:05,043 --> 00:46:09,320
A round of Hethevaisin, twist
of orange, watch the phone.
1053
00:46:09,320 --> 00:46:11,737
- Give me a pitcher of Pabst.
1054
00:46:16,052 --> 00:46:17,635
Here you go, honey.
1055
00:46:19,900 --> 00:46:22,567
Don't spend it all in one place.
1056
00:46:27,010 --> 00:46:28,810
- You're a big tipper.
1057
00:46:28,810 --> 00:46:30,143
- Child support.
1058
00:46:33,218 --> 00:46:34,332
Nothing's been proved yet.
1059
00:46:34,332 --> 00:46:37,349
I'm still talking to lawyers.
1060
00:46:37,349 --> 00:46:39,599
Don't say anything to Ryan.
1061
00:46:41,614 --> 00:46:42,447
Oh women.
1062
00:46:43,387 --> 00:46:44,804
Used to be proud.
1063
00:46:45,855 --> 00:46:49,455
- Wayne, you're just a
paragon of American virtue.
1064
00:46:49,455 --> 00:46:50,490
- Oh I love marriage.
1065
00:46:50,490 --> 00:46:51,716
Don't think I don't.
1066
00:46:51,716 --> 00:46:55,249
In fact I think some of
them dumbasses in Washington
1067
00:46:55,249 --> 00:46:56,516
pretty much got the right idea
1068
00:46:56,516 --> 00:47:00,888
about this whole defense
of marriage thing.
1069
00:47:00,888 --> 00:47:01,721
- I see.
1070
00:47:02,580 --> 00:47:05,680
But you've been married
what, three times now?
1071
00:47:05,680 --> 00:47:07,293
- Well yeah.
1072
00:47:07,293 --> 00:47:09,029
- So exactly which one
of the failed marriages
1073
00:47:09,029 --> 00:47:12,446
are you defending here at the strip club?
1074
00:47:13,841 --> 00:47:15,997
(laughing)
1075
00:47:15,997 --> 00:47:17,330
- You know what,
1076
00:47:19,062 --> 00:47:23,169
Ryan could learn a lot
about marriage from me.
1077
00:47:23,169 --> 00:47:26,745
And I figure, you know,
you're gonna marry somebody,
1078
00:47:26,745 --> 00:47:29,922
they ought to be perfect, perfect.
1079
00:47:29,922 --> 00:47:33,172
When they stop being perfect, trade up.
1080
00:47:34,861 --> 00:47:35,694
(laughing)
1081
00:47:35,694 --> 00:47:36,985
- Come on, come on, let's go.
1082
00:47:36,985 --> 00:47:38,730
Thank you, thank you.
1083
00:47:38,730 --> 00:47:39,563
Up we go.
1084
00:47:42,361 --> 00:47:44,520
- You know, I see a lot of myself in you.
1085
00:47:44,520 --> 00:47:45,353
- Go on!
1086
00:47:47,591 --> 00:47:48,591
- Excuse me.
1087
00:47:59,050 --> 00:48:03,217
I just need a few minutes
alone with my buddy in there.
1088
00:48:09,546 --> 00:48:10,891
- Matty!
1089
00:48:10,891 --> 00:48:12,324
I don't think you're
supposed to be back here.
1090
00:48:12,324 --> 00:48:14,708
- That's okay, I know a guy.
1091
00:48:14,708 --> 00:48:17,125
Ryan, we really need to talk.
1092
00:48:19,750 --> 00:48:20,583
- Okay.
1093
00:48:24,038 --> 00:48:25,367
- You know you really
don't have to go through
1094
00:48:25,367 --> 00:48:27,375
with all of this if you don't want to.
1095
00:48:27,375 --> 00:48:30,527
- Yeah, well I feel it's too
far along to back out now.
1096
00:48:30,527 --> 00:48:32,163
- No it's not.
1097
00:48:32,163 --> 00:48:33,713
I mean I know there's all this pressure.
1098
00:48:33,713 --> 00:48:34,868
- Everything's been paid for.
1099
00:48:34,868 --> 00:48:36,525
- Yeah.
1100
00:48:36,525 --> 00:48:38,846
But you don't have to just give in
1101
00:48:38,846 --> 00:48:40,576
to society's expectations.
1102
00:48:40,576 --> 00:48:41,409
- Society?
1103
00:48:42,613 --> 00:48:44,530
Nah, it's mostly just Sean and Chris.
1104
00:48:44,530 --> 00:48:46,728
- Sean and Chris?
1105
00:48:46,728 --> 00:48:49,166
What are you talking about?
1106
00:48:49,166 --> 00:48:51,221
- This whole lapdance thing.
1107
00:48:51,221 --> 00:48:54,857
I've never been to one
of these places before.
1108
00:48:54,857 --> 00:48:56,133
- Seriously?
1109
00:48:56,133 --> 00:48:57,967
- Yeah, why, have you?
1110
00:48:57,967 --> 00:48:59,473
- Sure, a bunch of times.
1111
00:48:59,473 --> 00:49:03,323
Dude, you need to hang out with lesbians.
1112
00:49:03,323 --> 00:49:04,156
- Oh Matt.
1113
00:49:04,994 --> 00:49:06,419
That's what I love about you.
1114
00:49:06,419 --> 00:49:08,493
You always could make me feel,
1115
00:49:08,493 --> 00:49:11,410
(sighing) at ease.
1116
00:49:12,955 --> 00:49:15,300
I've really missed you.
1117
00:49:15,300 --> 00:49:16,133
God.
1118
00:49:18,395 --> 00:49:21,395
- Do you ever think about, about us?
1119
00:49:24,050 --> 00:49:25,717
- Well, yeah.
1120
00:49:25,717 --> 00:49:28,748
It's not like I just forgot about you.
1121
00:49:28,748 --> 00:49:32,518
- Then are you absolutely,
positively sure about this?
1122
00:49:32,518 --> 00:49:33,716
I mean what if you're
just trying to make up
1123
00:49:33,716 --> 00:49:36,004
for your parents' shitty
marriage or something?
1124
00:49:36,004 --> 00:49:39,167
Are you sure getting married
is what you really want?
1125
00:49:39,167 --> 00:49:42,376
- Jeez, Matt, how can you
be sure about anything?
1126
00:49:42,376 --> 00:49:43,511
Are you sure?
1127
00:49:43,511 --> 00:49:44,785
- Yeah.
1128
00:49:44,785 --> 00:49:46,659
Yeah, I think I'm sure.
1129
00:49:46,659 --> 00:49:47,761
- Really?
1130
00:49:47,761 --> 00:49:49,622
If you're so sure that
your life is the be all
1131
00:49:49,622 --> 00:49:51,180
and end all or you then,
1132
00:49:51,180 --> 00:49:54,347
what's going on with you here with me?
1133
00:49:56,468 --> 00:49:58,463
Why are you alone?
1134
00:49:58,463 --> 00:50:00,213
I mean, you're great.
1135
00:50:03,543 --> 00:50:05,966
Where's your boyfriend?
1136
00:50:05,966 --> 00:50:07,004
- It didn't really work out.
1137
00:50:07,004 --> 00:50:07,837
- Why?
1138
00:50:09,950 --> 00:50:11,702
- Which one exactly?
1139
00:50:11,702 --> 00:50:14,540
- I don't know, any of them, all of them.
1140
00:50:14,540 --> 00:50:15,873
- Uh, let's see.
1141
00:50:19,768 --> 00:50:21,595
Preston was a pretty boy.
1142
00:50:21,595 --> 00:50:24,288
Zack never wanted to shower with me.
1143
00:50:24,288 --> 00:50:26,118
Bret didn't want to shower at all.
1144
00:50:26,118 --> 00:50:29,450
Cory was an animal
lover, all PETA and shit.
1145
00:50:29,450 --> 00:50:31,618
Carl was just an animal.
1146
00:50:31,618 --> 00:50:34,822
Tom took too many drugs
and didn't wanna share.
1147
00:50:34,822 --> 00:50:36,730
Michael wanted to be Michelle.
1148
00:50:36,730 --> 00:50:39,063
And Adam wanted to be Bjork.
1149
00:50:43,816 --> 00:50:46,233
Don't get me started on that.
1150
00:50:49,068 --> 00:50:49,901
And Joey.
1151
00:50:52,174 --> 00:50:53,984
(sighing)
1152
00:50:53,984 --> 00:50:56,234
- What was wrong with Joey?
1153
00:50:59,765 --> 00:51:01,657
- Go ahead, tell him.
1154
00:51:01,657 --> 00:51:03,076
What's wrong with me is the same thing
1155
00:51:03,076 --> 00:51:06,027
that was wrong with everybody else.
1156
00:51:06,027 --> 00:51:07,110
I'm not Ryan.
1157
00:51:08,418 --> 00:51:10,096
You're walking away from
me for the same reason
1158
00:51:10,096 --> 00:51:12,106
you walk from everybody.
1159
00:51:12,106 --> 00:51:13,908
You never got over the first guy
1160
00:51:13,908 --> 00:51:15,658
you walked away from.
1161
00:51:21,986 --> 00:51:22,903
- It's you.
1162
00:51:25,739 --> 00:51:28,400
I'm still in love with you.
1163
00:51:28,400 --> 00:51:29,233
Fuck.
1164
00:51:49,778 --> 00:51:51,892
- Hey, what is this?
1165
00:51:51,892 --> 00:51:54,577
Suddenly running that two for one special?
1166
00:51:54,577 --> 00:51:55,935
Hey Ryan, you wanna go halfsies?
1167
00:51:55,935 --> 00:51:56,937
- No, dad.
1168
00:51:56,937 --> 00:51:58,610
- Come on, son.
1169
00:51:58,610 --> 00:51:59,860
Matt, got a 20?
1170
00:52:04,236 --> 00:52:05,925
- Hey Matt.
1171
00:52:05,925 --> 00:52:09,052
I just wanted to tell you that it's,
1172
00:52:09,052 --> 00:52:11,100
it's cool about the whole gay thing.
1173
00:52:11,100 --> 00:52:12,099
- Sean.
1174
00:52:12,099 --> 00:52:13,374
- I know, good for you.
1175
00:52:13,374 --> 00:52:14,653
Good for you.
1176
00:52:14,653 --> 00:52:15,921
- Thanks, Sean.
1177
00:52:15,921 --> 00:52:18,588
- Hey um, can you keep a secret?
1178
00:52:20,207 --> 00:52:22,707
When I was 14, I kissed a guy.
1179
00:52:23,563 --> 00:52:24,396
Shh!
1180
00:52:25,370 --> 00:52:27,160
You don't know him.
1181
00:52:27,160 --> 00:52:30,077
I was at camp and I didn't like it.
1182
00:52:31,612 --> 00:52:33,926
And do you think that that's weird?
1183
00:52:33,926 --> 00:52:37,089
- No, no, maybe you
were just experimenting.
1184
00:52:37,089 --> 00:52:41,707
- Yeah 'cause it was the
night of my first blowjob.
1185
00:52:41,707 --> 00:52:42,540
- Really?
1186
00:52:43,541 --> 00:52:45,874
- That part was pretty cool.
1187
00:52:47,748 --> 00:52:49,108
I had to eat a whole
bag of sour patch kids
1188
00:52:49,108 --> 00:52:53,275
afterwards though to get
the taste out of my mouth.
1189
00:53:09,941 --> 00:53:12,532
- Where have you been?
1190
00:53:12,532 --> 00:53:13,788
- I got held up by Sean.
1191
00:53:13,788 --> 00:53:15,063
- For the last 10 years?
1192
00:53:15,063 --> 00:53:16,764
You got a lot of nerve
coming here and saying
1193
00:53:16,764 --> 00:53:18,544
a thing like that after all this time.
1194
00:53:18,544 --> 00:53:20,034
- Oh come on, what happened in there,
1195
00:53:20,034 --> 00:53:21,688
that's the reason you
invited me and you know it.
1196
00:53:21,688 --> 00:53:23,521
- I didn't invite you.
1197
00:53:25,273 --> 00:53:27,917
My mom must have gotten in
touch with you or something.
1198
00:53:27,917 --> 00:53:30,691
You think after all this time,
I don't even hear from you,
1199
00:53:30,691 --> 00:53:34,858
that I'm gonna ask you to
be my best man or something?
1200
00:53:35,904 --> 00:53:37,884
You disappeared out there.
1201
00:53:37,884 --> 00:53:40,433
- You were supposed to come with me.
1202
00:53:40,433 --> 00:53:42,270
We were both supposed to
get accepted into Stanford,
1203
00:53:42,270 --> 00:53:43,795
that was the plan.
1204
00:53:43,795 --> 00:53:45,610
Get out of this town, remember?
1205
00:53:45,610 --> 00:53:47,361
Make a life for ourselves.
1206
00:53:47,361 --> 00:53:49,578
When you didn't get in,
1207
00:53:49,578 --> 00:53:51,738
do you know how hard it
was for me to leave you?
1208
00:53:51,738 --> 00:53:53,800
Do you know how bad I feel
that you got stuck here?
1209
00:53:53,800 --> 00:53:55,961
- What if I didn't get stuck?
1210
00:53:55,961 --> 00:53:57,875
What if I like working outside
1211
00:53:57,875 --> 00:53:59,801
and knowing the people
that I pass on the street,
1212
00:53:59,801 --> 00:54:01,625
going to the same church I grew up in?
1213
00:54:01,625 --> 00:54:02,735
How do you know that's not what I want
1214
00:54:02,735 --> 00:54:04,097
for my life, Matt?
1215
00:54:04,097 --> 00:54:05,366
- Because of all those nights we spent
1216
00:54:05,366 --> 00:54:07,889
talking about getting out.
1217
00:54:07,889 --> 00:54:10,056
All those things you said.
1218
00:54:12,910 --> 00:54:14,410
That's how I know.
1219
00:54:15,858 --> 00:54:17,691
- People change, Matt.
1220
00:54:18,723 --> 00:54:20,499
You sure did.
1221
00:54:20,499 --> 00:54:22,882
Come back here like you
got it all figured out.
1222
00:54:22,882 --> 00:54:23,715
Do you?
1223
00:54:26,304 --> 00:54:29,375
What about the shit you said to me?
1224
00:54:29,375 --> 00:54:31,369
You'd always be there.
1225
00:54:31,369 --> 00:54:34,760
We'd always be tight,
you'd always have my back.
1226
00:54:34,760 --> 00:54:38,593
That just supposed to
be when we were fucking?
1227
00:54:39,478 --> 00:54:41,307
- This is only round one, dude.
1228
00:54:41,307 --> 00:54:43,703
Come on, we are crawling home!
1229
00:54:43,703 --> 00:54:45,342
- Matt, Matt, Matt.
1230
00:54:45,342 --> 00:54:47,175
Can you keep a secret?
1231
00:54:50,388 --> 00:54:54,282
When I was 14 I kind
of blowjob from a dude.
1232
00:54:54,282 --> 00:54:55,758
You don't know him.
1233
00:54:55,758 --> 00:54:58,067
But we were at camp, and..
1234
00:54:58,067 --> 00:55:00,908
- Hey, come on, let's go.
1235
00:55:00,908 --> 00:55:01,741
- Shh.
1236
00:55:02,855 --> 00:55:04,208
Shotgun, shotgun!
1237
00:55:04,208 --> 00:55:05,041
Woohoo!
1238
00:55:06,012 --> 00:55:08,609
- So buddy boy, where we off to next ,huh?
1239
00:55:08,609 --> 00:55:10,582
- I think I'm done for the night.
1240
00:55:10,582 --> 00:55:14,264
- Horse putty, what kind
of pussy talk is that?
1241
00:55:14,264 --> 00:55:16,706
Come on, me and you will catch up to them
1242
00:55:16,706 --> 00:55:17,781
at the next joint.
1243
00:55:17,781 --> 00:55:19,781
I know all these places.
1244
00:55:22,597 --> 00:55:26,391
Unless, you're not gonna puke, are you?
1245
00:55:26,391 --> 00:55:28,827
I just armor-alled all
my seats and everything.
1246
00:55:28,827 --> 00:55:31,715
- Yeah I think I'm gonna ralph.
1247
00:55:31,715 --> 00:55:34,316
- Well, it's only beer, right?
1248
00:55:34,316 --> 00:55:38,982
- No, I had pizza with
anchovies and bratwurst
1249
00:55:38,982 --> 00:55:41,823
and one of those pickled
eggs, the purple ones.
1250
00:55:41,823 --> 00:55:43,560
- Yeah oh well.
1251
00:55:43,560 --> 00:55:45,227
Good luck with that.
1252
00:55:48,039 --> 00:55:53,039
♪ Just an ordinary man ♪
1253
00:55:54,543 --> 00:55:59,543
♪ Thrown into the life I didn't plan ♪
1254
00:56:01,365 --> 00:56:06,365
♪ Suddenly my world has changed ♪
1255
00:56:07,786 --> 00:56:12,786
♪ I'm unprepared to make my way ♪
1256
00:56:13,689 --> 00:56:18,689
♪ My resolve is growing weak ♪
1257
00:56:21,102 --> 00:56:26,102
♪ So unsure of who I'm supposed to be ♪
1258
00:56:27,823 --> 00:56:32,823
♪ The one who takes the noble path ♪
1259
00:56:34,075 --> 00:56:38,963
♪ Or the one who wants
what he can never have ♪
1260
00:56:38,963 --> 00:56:42,148
♪ And I'm hardly the hero ♪
1261
00:56:42,148 --> 00:56:43,147
- Goodnight Mr. Shelton.
1262
00:56:43,147 --> 00:56:46,472
- You're lucky he sent us home (mumbling)
1263
00:56:46,472 --> 00:56:47,555
But you wish.
1264
00:56:52,778 --> 00:56:53,611
What do you wanna do now?
1265
00:56:53,611 --> 00:56:54,444
- I don't know.
1266
00:56:54,444 --> 00:56:56,087
What do you wanna do?
1267
00:56:56,087 --> 00:56:57,604
- You wanna stay at my place?
1268
00:56:57,604 --> 00:56:59,461
Mom and dad are at Grandma's this weekend.
1269
00:56:59,461 --> 00:57:00,294
- Okay.
1270
00:57:01,953 --> 00:57:03,300
See the last one, that zombie,
1271
00:57:03,300 --> 00:57:04,301
how it's head exploded?
1272
00:57:04,301 --> 00:57:07,634
Then you hit him with the grenade, bfff.
1273
00:57:13,117 --> 00:57:14,890
♪ Then I'm hardly the hero ♪
1274
00:57:14,890 --> 00:57:16,226
- Hi, Mr. Shelton.
1275
00:57:16,226 --> 00:57:18,059
It's Matt, Matt Roman.
1276
00:57:20,071 --> 00:57:21,738
- Closed, I'm sorry.
1277
00:57:23,641 --> 00:57:26,090
♪ But I need you to believe ♪
1278
00:57:26,090 --> 00:57:30,246
♪ That beneath this bravado ♪
1279
00:57:30,246 --> 00:57:34,387
♪ I'd still give anything
to have a chance ♪
1280
00:57:34,387 --> 00:57:36,943
♪ To love again ♪
1281
00:57:36,943 --> 00:57:41,943
♪ And I'm hardly the hero for that ♪
1282
00:57:43,244 --> 00:57:46,661
♪ Yeah I'm hardly a hero ♪
1283
00:57:56,496 --> 00:57:58,329
♪ Mmm ♪
1284
00:58:05,465 --> 00:58:08,312
- Oh, I must have dozed off.
1285
00:58:08,312 --> 00:58:10,560
- What's all this?
1286
00:58:10,560 --> 00:58:12,266
- I'm staying at a hotel tomorrow night
1287
00:58:12,266 --> 00:58:14,742
so Ryan and I won't see each other.
1288
00:58:14,742 --> 00:58:15,992
I just thought.
1289
00:58:17,332 --> 00:58:19,820
(yawning) Sorry.
1290
00:58:19,820 --> 00:58:21,109
It's been a really big day.
1291
00:58:21,109 --> 00:58:23,004
- Well it's just me for a while.
1292
00:58:23,004 --> 00:58:24,908
- Well that's okay.
1293
00:58:24,908 --> 00:58:25,741
Join me.
1294
00:58:31,350 --> 00:58:33,100
- Hey, what the hell?
1295
00:58:34,687 --> 00:58:38,583
- Looks like we got
ourselves a little 48620-1.
1296
00:58:38,583 --> 00:58:40,744
That's vandalism and
resisting arrest, boys..
1297
00:58:40,744 --> 00:58:42,438
- Really, what happened?
1298
00:58:42,438 --> 00:58:44,778
- Some crazy female perp had some issues.
1299
00:58:44,778 --> 00:58:48,673
She's chilling in the
tank till morning time.
1300
00:58:48,673 --> 00:58:50,517
(chuckling)
1301
00:58:50,517 --> 00:58:53,955
You guys been driving drunk or what?
1302
00:58:53,955 --> 00:58:55,927
- It's my boy's bachelor party.
1303
00:58:55,927 --> 00:58:59,206
- Dudes, you guys gotta
invite me to that shit, man.
1304
00:58:59,206 --> 00:59:01,164
- Sorry Harley, somebody's
gotta keep the peace.
1305
00:59:01,164 --> 00:59:03,053
- I mean it's just not cool.
1306
00:59:03,053 --> 00:59:04,427
- [Ryan] Next time.
1307
00:59:04,427 --> 00:59:06,410
- Whatever man, whatever, that's not cool.
1308
00:59:06,410 --> 00:59:08,660
(laughing)
1309
00:59:10,022 --> 00:59:10,939
- Oh, Matt.
1310
00:59:12,599 --> 00:59:14,413
You are so wonderful.
1311
00:59:14,413 --> 00:59:16,855
God, I feel so loose.
1312
00:59:16,855 --> 00:59:18,070
- Wait I thought you said you didn't care
1313
00:59:18,070 --> 00:59:19,287
about the whole thing..
1314
00:59:19,287 --> 00:59:21,849
- Well, I mean I was never
one of those little girls
1315
00:59:21,849 --> 00:59:26,016
who played bride or spent
hours mooning over my wedding.
1316
00:59:26,903 --> 00:59:29,447
But the dress, oh my god let me tell ya.
1317
00:59:29,447 --> 00:59:31,357
I thought about my dress.
1318
00:59:31,357 --> 00:59:33,604
It had to be low cut but not slutty.
1319
00:59:33,604 --> 00:59:36,423
And it just had to be strapless.
1320
00:59:36,423 --> 00:59:37,633
I know, that's ridiculous.
1321
00:59:37,633 --> 00:59:39,146
With these arms, please.
1322
00:59:39,146 --> 00:59:40,301
- What are you talking about?
1323
00:59:40,301 --> 00:59:41,631
- Oh, no, no, no.
1324
00:59:41,631 --> 00:59:42,803
Don't even.
1325
00:59:42,803 --> 00:59:45,061
I've always had chubby arms.
1326
00:59:45,061 --> 00:59:47,447
Yeah, I mean the kids in school
1327
00:59:47,447 --> 00:59:50,262
they used to play the drums on my arms
1328
00:59:50,262 --> 00:59:53,281
and sing a song about my chubby arms.
1329
00:59:53,281 --> 00:59:55,222
♪ Chubby, chubby arms ♪
1330
00:59:55,222 --> 00:59:57,184
♪ Alex has chubby arms ♪
1331
00:59:57,184 --> 00:59:59,253
♪ Roast beef, roast beef ♪
1332
00:59:59,253 --> 01:00:03,021
♪ Alex looks like roast beef ♪
1333
01:00:03,021 --> 01:00:04,787
Yeah, and they always sang that
1334
01:00:04,787 --> 01:00:07,700
until we realized what
roast beef was slang for.
1335
01:00:07,700 --> 01:00:09,283
You know the pussy.
1336
01:00:13,826 --> 01:00:14,950
- Really?
1337
01:00:14,950 --> 01:00:16,534
(laughing)
1338
01:00:16,534 --> 01:00:18,135
- Yeah, I mean we could never figure out
1339
01:00:18,135 --> 01:00:20,872
why older kids were
constantly laughing at us.
1340
01:00:20,872 --> 01:00:23,993
We had gone through all elementary school
1341
01:00:23,993 --> 01:00:25,993
singing about my vagina.
1342
01:00:28,292 --> 01:00:29,826
Oh, do you wanna see it?
1343
01:00:29,826 --> 01:00:33,144
I would love to show it to you.
1344
01:00:33,144 --> 01:00:35,227
- You wanna show me your,
1345
01:00:37,454 --> 01:00:38,894
(laughing)
1346
01:00:38,894 --> 01:00:39,955
- My dress.
1347
01:00:39,955 --> 01:00:42,288
I want to show you my dress!
1348
01:00:43,681 --> 01:00:46,110
You thought I wanted to
like flash you the beav?
1349
01:00:46,110 --> 01:00:49,174
Oh, that, that is so wrong.
1350
01:00:49,174 --> 01:00:51,757
I mean unless you wanna see it.
1351
01:00:54,996 --> 01:00:56,661
I'm kidding, I'm kidding.
1352
01:00:56,661 --> 01:00:58,744
Let's go try my dress on.
1353
01:01:08,030 --> 01:01:09,418
Okay.
1354
01:01:09,418 --> 01:01:10,548
You can be critical.
1355
01:01:10,548 --> 01:01:11,715
I can take it.
1356
01:01:12,565 --> 01:01:13,398
I think.
1357
01:01:20,590 --> 01:01:24,240
- I can see why he wants to marry you.
1358
01:01:24,240 --> 01:01:26,475
What man wouldn't?
1359
01:01:26,475 --> 01:01:27,711
They say a woman's never more beautiful
1360
01:01:27,711 --> 01:01:29,711
than on her wedding day.
1361
01:01:33,457 --> 01:01:34,290
- Wow.
1362
01:01:37,286 --> 01:01:38,119
Wow.
1363
01:01:40,261 --> 01:01:41,928
What if that's true?
1364
01:01:42,960 --> 01:01:46,460
What if it is the happiest day of my life?
1365
01:01:49,730 --> 01:01:51,728
You know what that means?
1366
01:01:51,728 --> 01:01:54,106
That means it's all downhill from here.
1367
01:01:54,106 --> 01:01:57,089
For the next 70 years, every day
1368
01:01:57,089 --> 01:01:59,089
I will become less happy
1369
01:02:00,843 --> 01:02:03,426
and more and more unattractive.
1370
01:02:05,468 --> 01:02:06,301
Oh my god.
1371
01:02:07,947 --> 01:02:09,780
That is so depressing.
1372
01:02:13,406 --> 01:02:15,837
- Just look on the bright side.
1373
01:02:15,837 --> 01:02:18,263
Maybe you'll get Alzheimers
and the last 20 years
1374
01:02:18,263 --> 01:02:21,680
you think you're Coco Chanel or a turtle.
1375
01:02:24,261 --> 01:02:26,428
- Turtles are pretty cool.
1376
01:02:31,198 --> 01:02:34,198
(light piano music)
1377
01:02:46,284 --> 01:02:47,284
- I'm sorry.
1378
01:03:15,369 --> 01:03:16,202
- Wow.
1379
01:03:17,469 --> 01:03:20,840
Whoever taught you how to kiss,
1380
01:03:20,840 --> 01:03:24,724
they really knew what they were doing.
1381
01:03:24,724 --> 01:03:26,550
- [Ryan] Baby!
1382
01:03:26,550 --> 01:03:28,080
Come to papa!
1383
01:03:28,080 --> 01:03:29,768
- Wait, he can't see me in my dress!
1384
01:03:29,768 --> 01:03:31,522
I gotta get it off.
1385
01:03:31,522 --> 01:03:32,946
Help me, help me get it off.
1386
01:03:32,946 --> 01:03:33,779
I can't get it off.
1387
01:03:33,779 --> 01:03:34,612
Hurry, hurry!
1388
01:03:34,612 --> 01:03:36,552
- I don't do a lot of these.
1389
01:03:36,552 --> 01:03:37,385
- Okay.
1390
01:03:40,696 --> 01:03:42,946
- What's going on in there?
1391
01:03:47,946 --> 01:03:49,789
- What, it's not what you think.
1392
01:03:49,789 --> 01:03:51,481
Matt was just helping me.
1393
01:03:51,481 --> 01:03:53,051
- Helping you with your breasts?
1394
01:03:53,051 --> 01:03:54,429
- [Matt] I wasn't, uh,
1395
01:03:54,429 --> 01:03:55,822
- Shut up, Matt!
1396
01:03:55,822 --> 01:03:57,571
- Wait, why wouldn't he want to help me
1397
01:03:57,571 --> 01:03:58,630
with my breasts?
1398
01:03:58,630 --> 01:03:59,950
I have nice breasts.
1399
01:03:59,950 --> 01:04:01,901
Are you jealous?
1400
01:04:01,901 --> 01:04:06,021
'Cause Matt's gay, it's
not like it even counts.
1401
01:04:06,021 --> 01:04:08,029
- If you're so gay then
what's your submarine
1402
01:04:08,029 --> 01:04:10,375
doing fully surfaced?
1403
01:04:10,375 --> 01:04:11,208
- Matt?
1404
01:04:19,022 --> 01:04:22,522
- What the hell is going on in my bedroom?
1405
01:04:23,442 --> 01:04:25,213
- You wanna know the situation?
1406
01:04:25,213 --> 01:04:26,458
Okay.
1407
01:04:26,458 --> 01:04:29,046
Right now, there is a
gay man in the next room
1408
01:04:29,046 --> 01:04:31,276
with a hard on with my name all over it.
1409
01:04:31,276 --> 01:04:33,930
That is quite the biggest
compliment a girl can get.
1410
01:04:33,930 --> 01:04:36,326
And if you think yelling
at me is the best thing
1411
01:04:36,326 --> 01:04:39,993
that you can do right
now, you are so wrong.
1412
01:04:43,472 --> 01:04:45,265
- Without proper support at rest,
1413
01:04:45,265 --> 01:04:47,962
the body is pulled off its natural axis
1414
01:04:47,962 --> 01:04:51,450
causing fatigue and strain
in both the upper torso
1415
01:04:51,450 --> 01:04:53,556
and the lower extremities.
1416
01:04:53,556 --> 01:04:56,336
And we don't want that, do we, ladies?
1417
01:04:56,336 --> 01:04:59,353
So call me, Dan Davis, the Mattress King
1418
01:04:59,353 --> 01:05:00,970
where the only thing that's going soft
1419
01:05:00,970 --> 01:05:02,720
is your old mattress.
1420
01:05:06,498 --> 01:05:08,987
- I want to apologize.
1421
01:05:08,987 --> 01:05:09,904
- For what?
1422
01:05:10,767 --> 01:05:14,444
Telling me you love me or for
trying to bone my fiancee?
1423
01:05:14,444 --> 01:05:15,944
- Either, neither.
1424
01:05:17,198 --> 01:05:19,814
- Look, we were drunk last
night and some drama happened
1425
01:05:19,814 --> 01:05:20,968
but I need you to get over it
1426
01:05:20,968 --> 01:05:22,400
'cause we have a crisis right now.
1427
01:05:22,400 --> 01:05:24,675
Elly called, she's in jail.
1428
01:05:24,675 --> 01:05:26,982
- She didn't happen to
vandalize the bridal shop,
1429
01:05:26,982 --> 01:05:28,702
by any chance, did she?
1430
01:05:28,702 --> 01:05:29,711
- How'd you know?
1431
01:05:29,711 --> 01:05:30,878
- Lucky guess.
1432
01:05:33,193 --> 01:05:34,208
- All we eat are donuts.
1433
01:05:34,208 --> 01:05:37,113
Not true, my friends, not true at all.
1434
01:05:37,113 --> 01:05:38,402
- Oh great, the groom.
1435
01:05:38,402 --> 01:05:39,947
About goddamn time.
1436
01:05:39,947 --> 01:05:40,946
- Thanks Harley.
1437
01:05:40,946 --> 01:05:42,029
- No problem.
1438
01:05:44,175 --> 01:05:45,607
- All right.
1439
01:05:45,607 --> 01:05:47,651
I got a little trigger happy.
1440
01:05:47,651 --> 01:05:50,330
- It's okay, you got
carried away, no big deal.
1441
01:05:50,330 --> 01:05:51,860
But everyone is gonna be at the church
1442
01:05:51,860 --> 01:05:52,981
for this rehearsal.
1443
01:05:52,981 --> 01:05:54,558
So for the sake of the wedding
1444
01:05:54,558 --> 01:05:56,563
could we just pretend
that some of the things
1445
01:05:56,563 --> 01:05:59,646
that happened last night just didn't?
1446
01:06:00,926 --> 01:06:01,928
Okay?
1447
01:06:01,928 --> 01:06:02,927
- Okay.
1448
01:06:02,927 --> 01:06:03,760
- Great.
1449
01:06:04,957 --> 01:06:06,371
- God, I need a shower.
1450
01:06:06,371 --> 01:06:07,871
I smell like puke.
1451
01:06:15,047 --> 01:06:16,512
- Hello, sweetheart.
1452
01:06:16,512 --> 01:06:18,423
Good to see you.
1453
01:06:18,423 --> 01:06:22,525
Elly, even Gloria
Vanderbilt eats breakfast.
1454
01:06:22,525 --> 01:06:24,700
(phone ringing)
1455
01:06:24,700 --> 01:06:27,200
And how are we today, Matthew?
1456
01:06:29,822 --> 01:06:30,821
- I was the one who had to endure
1457
01:06:30,821 --> 01:06:33,154
Barry's usual Friday before
we go to print freak jam.
1458
01:06:33,154 --> 01:06:34,344
I so hate you right now.
1459
01:06:34,344 --> 01:06:37,160
So, are you at the part where
you're trying to run down
1460
01:06:37,160 --> 01:06:40,205
Cameron Diaz with that delivery van?
1461
01:06:40,205 --> 01:06:42,404
- I told you, I'm on a
humanitarian mission here.
1462
01:06:42,404 --> 01:06:44,914
I'm like Mother Teresa but
with much better skin care.
1463
01:06:44,914 --> 01:06:46,499
- And how goes that mission of mercy?
1464
01:06:46,499 --> 01:06:47,925
- Good.
1465
01:06:47,925 --> 01:06:48,992
Except for the part at the strip club
1466
01:06:48,992 --> 01:06:50,464
where I told him I'm
still in love with him
1467
01:06:50,464 --> 01:06:51,524
and he kissed me.
1468
01:06:51,524 --> 01:06:53,623
And then his dad walked in
and wanted to go halfsies
1469
01:06:53,623 --> 01:06:55,880
and then I went back and
made out with Ryan's fiancee
1470
01:06:55,880 --> 01:06:58,429
and he caught me fondling her
tits with a raging hard-on.
1471
01:06:58,429 --> 01:07:00,150
Um, other than that, it's good.
1472
01:07:00,150 --> 01:07:02,092
- Grammy Ho was right again.
1473
01:07:02,092 --> 01:07:05,342
The gays, they make too much big crazy.
1474
01:07:07,344 --> 01:07:09,927
(gong ringing)
1475
01:07:14,442 --> 01:07:16,025
- Hey.
1476
01:07:16,025 --> 01:07:17,250
- Oh hey.
1477
01:07:17,250 --> 01:07:18,846
- What are you doing back here?
1478
01:07:18,846 --> 01:07:22,576
- Ah, the maid of honor needed
her pipes cleaned last night
1479
01:07:22,576 --> 01:07:24,994
but she didn't want me to come in.
1480
01:07:24,994 --> 01:07:27,961
Apparently I'm not the
kind of guy she likes
1481
01:07:27,961 --> 01:07:30,044
to be seen with, I guess.
1482
01:07:31,133 --> 01:07:33,591
- Well, you can't win 'em all, huh?
1483
01:07:33,591 --> 01:07:35,299
- Yeah, you can't.
1484
01:07:35,299 --> 01:07:38,001
- Hey, there's free food
after the rehearsal.
1485
01:07:38,001 --> 01:07:39,933
You might want to stick around.
1486
01:07:39,933 --> 01:07:40,981
That way I'm not the only one who feels
1487
01:07:40,981 --> 01:07:43,768
like he's crashing this thing.
1488
01:07:43,768 --> 01:07:45,121
- Yeah that'll be cool.
1489
01:07:45,121 --> 01:07:46,623
Yeah, thanks, man.
1490
01:07:46,623 --> 01:07:48,276
- No, that's what I'm talking about.
1491
01:07:48,276 --> 01:07:49,291
No.
1492
01:07:49,291 --> 01:07:50,272
- Yep.
1493
01:07:50,272 --> 01:07:51,705
- No, you RSVP'd.
1494
01:07:51,705 --> 01:07:54,078
You did not include a guest.
1495
01:07:54,078 --> 01:07:56,546
You cannot one plus me now.
1496
01:07:56,546 --> 01:07:57,730
- I changed my mind.
1497
01:07:57,730 --> 01:07:59,367
- Matt.
1498
01:07:59,367 --> 01:08:00,746
Help me out on this, won't you?
1499
01:08:00,746 --> 01:08:02,086
- Matt, come here.
1500
01:08:02,086 --> 01:08:03,166
- Why don't I get Ryan?
1501
01:08:03,166 --> 01:08:05,083
- Come on, help us out.
1502
01:08:06,683 --> 01:08:08,443
I know how jealous this must make you
1503
01:08:08,443 --> 01:08:10,612
but the fact is I'm seeing somebody
1504
01:08:10,612 --> 01:08:12,469
and it's very serious and I want Cathy
1505
01:08:12,469 --> 01:08:14,386
to come to the wedding.
1506
01:08:15,370 --> 01:08:16,407
- Cathy?
1507
01:08:16,407 --> 01:08:17,405
- Mhmm.
1508
01:08:17,405 --> 01:08:18,404
- You are sure about that?
1509
01:08:18,404 --> 01:08:19,402
- Yeah.
1510
01:08:19,402 --> 01:08:21,574
- Well then why did you put Karen?
1511
01:08:21,574 --> 01:08:22,574
Uh-huh.
1512
01:08:22,574 --> 01:08:23,831
- Karen, yeah, yeah.
1513
01:08:23,831 --> 01:08:25,051
I'm pretty sure it is.
1514
01:08:25,051 --> 01:08:26,662
- By the power vested in me
1515
01:08:26,662 --> 01:08:30,444
I now pronounce you husband and wife.
1516
01:08:30,444 --> 01:08:33,786
Blah blah blah then we move into a prayer.
1517
01:08:33,786 --> 01:08:35,369
Where'd I put that.
1518
01:08:36,327 --> 01:08:39,077
He kisses her and she kisses him.
1519
01:08:46,341 --> 01:08:49,174
(people clapping)
1520
01:09:10,694 --> 01:09:12,405
- Are you okay?
1521
01:09:12,405 --> 01:09:13,509
- No.
1522
01:09:13,509 --> 01:09:14,591
I got dumped.
1523
01:09:14,591 --> 01:09:15,574
- When?
1524
01:09:15,574 --> 01:09:16,862
- Last May.
1525
01:09:16,862 --> 01:09:19,945
- I got dumped, oh about an hour ago.
1526
01:09:21,657 --> 01:09:23,633
So I guess I win, huh?
1527
01:09:23,633 --> 01:09:26,394
- Well, I got arrested last night.
1528
01:09:26,394 --> 01:09:27,973
- I got nothing.
1529
01:09:27,973 --> 01:09:29,381
- So I guess I win.
1530
01:09:29,381 --> 01:09:30,714
- Don't mind me.
1531
01:09:31,595 --> 01:09:34,697
I'm just the stripper left over
from the bachelorette party.
1532
01:09:34,697 --> 01:09:36,753
- I'm just a bitter spinster sister
1533
01:09:36,753 --> 01:09:38,586
left over from Boston.
1534
01:09:43,033 --> 01:09:44,783
- First time in jail?
1535
01:09:45,899 --> 01:09:49,149
You know, for a first timer to get more
1536
01:09:50,826 --> 01:09:53,274
than a slap on the wrist,
1537
01:09:53,274 --> 01:09:56,412
you know what with the stress
of the wedding and all,
1538
01:09:56,412 --> 01:09:59,848
you could plea temporary insanity.
1539
01:09:59,848 --> 01:10:01,471
I'm a law student.
1540
01:10:01,471 --> 01:10:04,721
I do the other thing to pay my tuition.
1541
01:10:08,416 --> 01:10:11,890
(clearing throat)
1542
01:10:11,890 --> 01:10:12,723
- So, um.
1543
01:10:14,538 --> 01:10:17,621
Do you think that you can get me off?
1544
01:10:19,526 --> 01:10:22,859
- I just dance, I don't charge for that.
1545
01:10:25,436 --> 01:10:28,613
- Do you think you can
get me off the charges?
1546
01:10:28,613 --> 01:10:30,520
(laughing)
1547
01:10:30,520 --> 01:10:31,520
- I'm sorry.
1548
01:10:32,723 --> 01:10:33,556
Yeah.
1549
01:10:34,619 --> 01:10:37,869
I can probably get you off the charges.
1550
01:10:39,412 --> 01:10:42,912
I'm a better student than I am a stripper.
1551
01:10:45,073 --> 01:10:47,656
And I'm a pretty good stripper.
1552
01:10:48,614 --> 01:10:49,637
(people clapping)
1553
01:10:49,637 --> 01:10:50,591
- Most of you know me.
1554
01:10:50,591 --> 01:10:51,680
I'm Sean, I'm the best man.
1555
01:10:51,680 --> 01:10:56,200
And customary for the, Chris
why don't you sit down?
1556
01:10:56,200 --> 01:10:58,053
Why don't you go back
to your chair, Chris?
1557
01:10:58,053 --> 01:11:00,367
I'm gonna give a speech, a little toast.
1558
01:11:00,367 --> 01:11:02,510
- Everybody, hey, Ry, everyone.
1559
01:11:02,510 --> 01:11:04,490
I am the real best man here.
1560
01:11:04,490 --> 01:11:07,203
And I've got some things
to say to the room.
1561
01:11:07,203 --> 01:11:08,202
- He's not the real best man.
1562
01:11:08,202 --> 01:11:09,871
- I am really the best man.
1563
01:11:09,871 --> 01:11:13,704
Okay so a little poem I
have for Ryan and Alex
1564
01:11:15,359 --> 01:11:17,609
- A poem for Alex and Ryan.
1565
01:11:19,229 --> 01:11:21,312
- By Monica and Virginia.
1566
01:11:23,401 --> 01:11:27,162
- Love is a flower that
blooms in the spring.
1567
01:11:27,162 --> 01:11:31,162
- A soulmate from heaven
is what you each bring.
1568
01:11:33,729 --> 01:11:34,729
- Okay.
1569
01:11:34,729 --> 01:11:36,729
- Cherish the day, Alex.
1570
01:11:38,062 --> 01:11:40,645
I mean, really cherish the day.
1571
01:11:41,651 --> 01:11:43,234
- I just wanna say,
1572
01:11:45,077 --> 01:11:45,994
Alex, Ryan,
1573
01:11:48,983 --> 01:11:50,575
everybody ladies and gentlemen.
1574
01:11:50,575 --> 01:11:53,301
- There once was a man from Apple Valley.
1575
01:11:53,301 --> 01:11:54,483
- This is good.
1576
01:11:54,483 --> 01:11:56,301
- Oh can I do.
1577
01:11:56,301 --> 01:11:58,801
Who met a fine lady named Ali.
1578
01:12:00,102 --> 01:12:01,685
- Ryan is sunshine,
1579
01:12:03,936 --> 01:12:05,103
Alex the moon.
1580
01:12:06,998 --> 01:12:09,016
- Tomorrow they marry.
1581
01:12:09,016 --> 01:12:11,833
It can't happen too soon.
1582
01:12:11,833 --> 01:12:15,134
- Because you have built your love
1583
01:12:15,134 --> 01:12:17,051
on a strong foundation.
1584
01:12:19,999 --> 01:12:22,712
You know which, that's what,
1585
01:12:22,712 --> 01:12:26,879
men who work in construction,
that's what they do.
1586
01:12:28,947 --> 01:12:32,189
- There's no such thing
as a mattress king.
1587
01:12:32,189 --> 01:12:35,152
In fact I don't even
think we've allowed kings
1588
01:12:35,152 --> 01:12:37,459
in this country for like
40 years or something.
1589
01:12:37,459 --> 01:12:38,459
- [Ryan] Dad!
1590
01:12:38,459 --> 01:12:41,599
- They decided to we'd and we all got fed.
1591
01:12:41,599 --> 01:12:42,929
- We did.
1592
01:12:42,929 --> 01:12:47,096
- After the wedding, our
threesome will turn into two.
1593
01:12:52,510 --> 01:12:56,510
- Monica and Virginia,
alone with nothing to do.
1594
01:13:00,505 --> 01:13:03,812
- But cherish it, honey, cherish it.
1595
01:13:03,812 --> 01:13:05,020
- And Alex,
1596
01:13:05,020 --> 01:13:07,103
- Because you never know.
1597
01:13:07,991 --> 01:13:10,036
- There is no such thing
as a mattress king!
1598
01:13:10,036 --> 01:13:11,113
- Dad, I told you!
1599
01:13:11,113 --> 01:13:14,120
- No, I know, 'cause I look it up.
1600
01:13:14,120 --> 01:13:14,953
- Thanks.
1601
01:13:16,918 --> 01:13:21,333
- I've been working on this
multimedia presentation
1602
01:13:21,333 --> 01:13:23,583
for the last few days, and,
1603
01:13:26,288 --> 01:13:27,288
well a week.
1604
01:13:28,570 --> 01:13:30,411
Oh hell, I've been
working on this damn thing
1605
01:13:30,411 --> 01:13:32,072
for the last month and a half.
1606
01:13:32,072 --> 01:13:33,405
So roll it, Dan.
1607
01:13:38,226 --> 01:13:41,675
Ah, there they are,
little Ryan and his Alex
1608
01:13:41,675 --> 01:13:43,152
like two peas in a pod.
1609
01:13:43,152 --> 01:13:45,551
Aren't they adorable?
1610
01:13:45,551 --> 01:13:48,718
Oh, and there's Ryan as a little baby.
1611
01:13:49,626 --> 01:13:52,285
He was a cryer, let me tell you.
1612
01:13:52,285 --> 01:13:53,959
The only time he was ever happy
1613
01:13:53,959 --> 01:13:57,015
was when he was sucking on a pacifier.
1614
01:13:57,015 --> 01:13:58,842
Passies, that's what he used to call them.
1615
01:13:58,842 --> 01:14:00,564
He loved his passies.
1616
01:14:00,564 --> 01:14:01,566
- I'll be back.
1617
01:14:01,566 --> 01:14:02,773
- Okay.
1618
01:14:02,773 --> 01:14:04,793
- [Barbara] Oh, and there's
Ryan at two years old
1619
01:14:04,793 --> 01:14:06,854
with me and Wayne.
1620
01:14:06,854 --> 01:14:10,426
He's already starting to lose his hair.
1621
01:14:10,426 --> 01:14:12,416
Oh, and Ryan at seven.
1622
01:14:12,416 --> 01:14:16,249
Why it seems like just
yesterday I was taking.
1623
01:14:22,125 --> 01:14:24,439
- Matt, you all right?
1624
01:14:24,439 --> 01:14:26,022
- I don't think so.
1625
01:14:28,596 --> 01:14:31,498
When we were kids, you told
me if you're still in town
1626
01:14:31,498 --> 01:14:33,268
10 years later I should shoot you.
1627
01:14:33,268 --> 01:14:34,435
- Whoah, Matt.
1628
01:14:37,939 --> 01:14:40,022
- It's your wedding gift.
1629
01:14:47,752 --> 01:14:49,675
It's a ticket to California.
1630
01:14:49,675 --> 01:14:52,780
Non-refundable, first class.
1631
01:14:52,780 --> 01:14:55,697
Okay, coach, but it gets you there.
1632
01:14:56,966 --> 01:14:58,801
I'm trying to make up for what
1633
01:14:58,801 --> 01:15:01,384
should have happened years ago.
1634
01:15:02,954 --> 01:15:04,783
What if this is the last
chance you're ever gonna get
1635
01:15:04,783 --> 01:15:06,366
to snap the tether?
1636
01:15:10,830 --> 01:15:14,157
- What if we already had our chance?
1637
01:15:14,157 --> 01:15:16,536
What if you missed it?
1638
01:15:16,536 --> 01:15:17,369
- No.
1639
01:15:19,343 --> 01:15:20,377
I don't believe that we only get
1640
01:15:20,377 --> 01:15:23,130
whatever chances we get.
1641
01:15:23,130 --> 01:15:25,620
We also get the chances that we make.
1642
01:15:25,620 --> 01:15:27,553
- [Barbara] When he got
accepted to Stanford,
1643
01:15:27,553 --> 01:15:31,269
I thought I was gonna lose
him to California forever.
1644
01:15:31,269 --> 01:15:34,107
But thank god he chose New Mexico instead,
1645
01:15:34,107 --> 01:15:35,763
stayed close to home.
1646
01:15:35,763 --> 01:15:39,013
Maybe he just wanted to make his money.
1647
01:15:39,892 --> 01:15:40,725
- What?
1648
01:15:42,110 --> 01:15:44,974
Is that true, you got into Stanford?
1649
01:15:44,974 --> 01:15:47,141
(sighing)
1650
01:15:49,720 --> 01:15:52,828
- I knew you wanted Stanford
to be about us together.
1651
01:15:52,828 --> 01:15:53,745
Boyfriends.
1652
01:15:54,672 --> 01:15:57,422
I wasn't sure that I wanted that.
1653
01:15:59,005 --> 01:16:03,172
- For the last 10 years, my
biggest regret was leaving you.
1654
01:16:04,479 --> 01:16:06,520
You let me think I was the one responsible
1655
01:16:06,520 --> 01:16:08,520
for what happened to us.
1656
01:16:10,864 --> 01:16:12,366
I was alone.
1657
01:16:12,366 --> 01:16:15,259
- I didn't wanna hurt you.
1658
01:16:15,259 --> 01:16:18,092
- So you waited till now to do it.
1659
01:16:19,798 --> 01:16:22,298
(tense music)
1660
01:16:56,828 --> 01:16:59,245
- This isn't going well, why?
1661
01:17:00,582 --> 01:17:01,583
- Well I don't know.
1662
01:17:01,583 --> 01:17:05,058
Some things just have
their own way of working.
1663
01:17:05,058 --> 01:17:09,173
You made a really great slideshow, Barbie.
1664
01:17:09,173 --> 01:17:11,092
Kind of sentimental and it reminded me
1665
01:17:11,092 --> 01:17:14,832
we really had some good
times back there, didn't we?
1666
01:17:14,832 --> 01:17:16,249
It was beautiful.
1667
01:17:17,641 --> 01:17:19,224
- Thank you, Wayne.
1668
01:17:22,083 --> 01:17:24,281
- I'm really happy for you.
1669
01:17:24,281 --> 01:17:26,642
- Oh, yeah, I bet you are.
1670
01:17:26,642 --> 01:17:28,661
- No, no, no, no, I mean it, I mean it.
1671
01:17:28,661 --> 01:17:32,244
You got somebody who's
rich and successful.
1672
01:17:35,881 --> 01:17:36,714
Sober.
1673
01:17:38,784 --> 01:17:40,688
I'm just sorry I couldn't do the same.
1674
01:17:40,688 --> 01:17:42,521
- An apology from you?
1675
01:17:43,477 --> 01:17:44,310
Oh my god.
1676
01:17:46,640 --> 01:17:47,875
You're sick.
1677
01:17:47,875 --> 01:17:49,033
How long do you have left?
1678
01:17:49,033 --> 01:17:50,373
- I'm not sick!
1679
01:17:50,373 --> 01:17:51,540
I am not sick.
1680
01:17:54,509 --> 01:17:57,912
A man can feel remorse
without having to be dying.
1681
01:17:57,912 --> 01:18:00,681
- Yeah, a man can in theory.
1682
01:18:00,681 --> 01:18:01,514
But you?
1683
01:18:02,974 --> 01:18:05,687
- Oh look at those kids.
1684
01:18:05,687 --> 01:18:06,687
That was us.
1685
01:18:08,853 --> 01:18:11,936
And we had everything in front of us.
1686
01:18:12,917 --> 01:18:14,583
(laughing) I don't know,
1687
01:18:14,583 --> 01:18:18,583
it was all gonna be t-bone
steak and cherry pie.
1688
01:18:20,892 --> 01:18:24,719
Now look at how everything
turned out, fine.
1689
01:18:24,719 --> 01:18:27,969
I think it's turned out better for you.
1690
01:18:32,855 --> 01:18:34,438
- That is so sweet.
1691
01:18:38,694 --> 01:18:41,611
And if it's any consolation to you,
1692
01:18:43,221 --> 01:18:47,388
the mattress king can't compare
to you in that department.
1693
01:18:50,546 --> 01:18:53,546
(crickets chirping)
1694
01:19:03,439 --> 01:19:04,727
- You're leaving.
1695
01:19:04,727 --> 01:19:07,053
- I'm tilting at windmills here.
1696
01:19:07,053 --> 01:19:08,199
- Matt, let me apologize.
1697
01:19:08,199 --> 01:19:09,699
- Ryan, it's okay.
1698
01:19:11,817 --> 01:19:12,650
- No.
1699
01:19:14,068 --> 01:19:15,118
You're not the only one that wonders
1700
01:19:15,118 --> 01:19:18,118
if things might have been different.
1701
01:19:19,601 --> 01:19:21,018
Seeing you again,
1702
01:19:22,460 --> 01:19:26,127
it's kind of a strange
position that I'm in.
1703
01:19:29,426 --> 01:19:32,093
- Have you been with other guys?
1704
01:19:33,556 --> 01:19:34,389
- No.
1705
01:19:35,608 --> 01:19:38,108
- But you think of other guys?
1706
01:19:39,276 --> 01:19:42,377
- No, but I think about you.
1707
01:19:42,377 --> 01:19:43,628
I don't know, maybe I'm bi.
1708
01:19:43,628 --> 01:19:44,795
- Oh, come on.
1709
01:19:46,524 --> 01:19:48,204
Bi is just the last thing gay men say
1710
01:19:48,204 --> 01:19:51,977
when they finally leave their wives.
1711
01:19:51,977 --> 01:19:53,144
- I love Alex.
1712
01:19:56,843 --> 01:19:59,426
But I was in love with you too.
1713
01:20:02,861 --> 01:20:06,944
Sometimes I still think
about what that was like.
1714
01:20:11,121 --> 01:20:13,871
(dramatic music)
1715
01:20:25,453 --> 01:20:27,953
(tense music)
1716
01:20:29,928 --> 01:20:31,595
- I forgot my shoes.
1717
01:20:33,044 --> 01:20:36,062
I'm getting married tomorrow
and I forgot my shoes,
1718
01:20:36,062 --> 01:20:37,979
of all the dumb things.
1719
01:20:39,887 --> 01:20:42,470
(somber music)
1720
01:20:50,376 --> 01:20:54,126
- I know what you must
be thinking right now.
1721
01:20:55,213 --> 01:20:59,590
- You can't possibly know
what I'm thinking right now
1722
01:20:59,590 --> 01:21:03,757
'cause I don't even know
exactly what I'm thinking.
1723
01:21:06,178 --> 01:21:07,595
So how could you?
1724
01:21:12,941 --> 01:21:15,108
Why don't you come in here
1725
01:21:16,194 --> 01:21:18,611
and try telling me the truth?
1726
01:21:34,062 --> 01:21:35,456
Oh man.
1727
01:21:35,456 --> 01:21:38,742
You know what the worst part is?
1728
01:21:38,742 --> 01:21:41,514
You guys make a really cute couple.
1729
01:21:41,514 --> 01:21:44,105
- Alex, I didn't want this to happen.
1730
01:21:44,105 --> 01:21:45,241
I didn't even invite him.
1731
01:21:45,241 --> 01:21:46,290
- I invited him.
1732
01:21:46,290 --> 01:21:48,592
- [Ryan And Alex] You?
1733
01:21:48,592 --> 01:21:50,341
- Me staying at the house,
1734
01:21:50,341 --> 01:21:51,750
keep your friends close,
keep your enemies closer,
1735
01:21:51,750 --> 01:21:52,791
is that it?
1736
01:21:52,791 --> 01:21:53,624
- No.
1737
01:21:55,011 --> 01:21:57,178
You're not my enemy, Matt.
1738
01:21:58,192 --> 01:22:00,692
You're my unanswered question.
1739
01:22:03,427 --> 01:22:06,499
I mean I'd seen photos of you before
1740
01:22:06,499 --> 01:22:08,273
and the way that Ryan talked about you
1741
01:22:08,273 --> 01:22:12,440
but here I thought I was
just being crazy, but God.
1742
01:22:14,216 --> 01:22:17,392
I always felt there
was a part of you, Ryan
1743
01:22:17,392 --> 01:22:19,225
that seemed uncertain.
1744
01:22:21,261 --> 01:22:23,086
No matter how good things were with us,
1745
01:22:23,086 --> 01:22:24,919
just something unsure.
1746
01:22:29,899 --> 01:22:31,149
Now I know why.
1747
01:22:43,036 --> 01:22:43,869
You have to fuck.
1748
01:22:43,869 --> 01:22:45,786
- [Ryan And Matt] What?
1749
01:22:47,428 --> 01:22:49,345
- You two have to fuck.
1750
01:22:50,377 --> 01:22:51,460
- Come on, Alex.
1751
01:22:51,460 --> 01:22:52,339
- You don't understand.
1752
01:22:52,339 --> 01:22:54,012
- No, I do.
1753
01:22:54,012 --> 01:22:56,262
I understand about gay men.
1754
01:22:57,635 --> 01:22:59,213
I adore gay men.
1755
01:22:59,213 --> 01:23:01,751
If I had a penis, I would be a gay man.
1756
01:23:01,751 --> 01:23:04,251
But I don't want to marry one.
1757
01:23:05,671 --> 01:23:08,655
And I'm not gonna be some housewife
1758
01:23:08,655 --> 01:23:11,285
in five, 10 years down the road.
1759
01:23:11,285 --> 01:23:13,190
You've come home.
1760
01:23:13,190 --> 01:23:16,273
Hey, honey, I know you like suprises.
1761
01:23:17,966 --> 01:23:18,799
No.
1762
01:23:22,817 --> 01:23:23,650
Look.
1763
01:23:27,749 --> 01:23:31,916
If there is any possibility
that you're gonna leave me
1764
01:23:32,907 --> 01:23:33,740
for a man,
1765
01:23:37,788 --> 01:23:39,621
I'd want it to be now.
1766
01:23:45,671 --> 01:23:47,838
And I'd want it to be you.
1767
01:23:49,191 --> 01:23:50,235
- Alex.
1768
01:23:50,235 --> 01:23:51,152
- No, Ryan.
1769
01:23:53,471 --> 01:23:56,804
We are getting married in like 14 hours.
1770
01:23:58,242 --> 01:24:03,074
I can't do it with you
holding this question mark.
1771
01:24:03,074 --> 01:24:06,741
You need to do whatever
it is you have to do
1772
01:24:07,815 --> 01:24:09,398
to figure this out.
1773
01:24:22,616 --> 01:24:24,616
I forgot my shoes.
1774
01:24:24,616 --> 01:24:25,449
Again.
1775
01:24:32,462 --> 01:24:34,962
(light music)
1776
01:24:42,541 --> 01:24:47,541
♪ What would it take ♪
1777
01:24:47,937 --> 01:24:52,937
♪ What would it take to make you see ♪
1778
01:24:54,213 --> 01:24:56,913
♪ I've fallen down ♪
1779
01:24:56,913 --> 01:25:01,913
♪ I can't breathe ♪
1780
01:25:04,115 --> 01:25:09,115
♪ Don't walk away ♪
1781
01:25:09,552 --> 01:25:12,238
♪ Don't you disappear before I can see ♪
1782
01:25:12,238 --> 01:25:15,375
(Wayne grunting)
1783
01:25:15,375 --> 01:25:17,290
♪ I'm so sorry for ♪
1784
01:25:17,290 --> 01:25:19,720
- [Barbara] Oh, Wayne!
1785
01:25:19,720 --> 01:25:23,303
- [Wayne] Ooh, who's
the mattress king now?
1786
01:25:24,920 --> 01:25:29,920
♪ Well maybe I'm misunderstood ♪
1787
01:25:30,412 --> 01:25:35,412
♪ And maybe I just would have looked ♪
1788
01:25:36,061 --> 01:25:40,236
♪ And maybe now you'll find ♪
1789
01:25:40,236 --> 01:25:43,336
♪ What you deserve ♪
1790
01:25:43,336 --> 01:25:45,826
♪ You were my saint ♪
1791
01:25:45,826 --> 01:25:49,570
♪ You were my hero ♪
1792
01:25:49,570 --> 01:25:53,882
♪ And I say it again and again ♪
1793
01:25:53,882 --> 01:25:56,556
♪ You gave me strength ♪
1794
01:25:56,556 --> 01:26:00,594
♪ You gave me reason ♪
1795
01:26:00,594 --> 01:26:04,092
♪ For feeling and waking a life ♪
1796
01:26:04,092 --> 01:26:07,253
♪ You were my saint ♪
1797
01:26:07,253 --> 01:26:10,086
♪ You were my eye ♪
1798
01:26:16,301 --> 01:26:18,884
(church music)
1799
01:26:20,458 --> 01:26:22,458
- I'm so sorry I'm late.
1800
01:26:35,182 --> 01:26:37,349
(zooming)
1801
01:26:40,434 --> 01:26:41,627
- It's about time.
1802
01:26:41,627 --> 01:26:43,260
What you think we were gonna
hold this thing for you?
1803
01:26:43,260 --> 01:26:44,701
- [Ryan] I'm sorry, I had to
get a few things straight.
1804
01:26:44,701 --> 01:26:45,833
- Dude, where have you been?
1805
01:26:45,833 --> 01:26:47,770
We've been waiting,
you're making me look bad.
1806
01:26:47,770 --> 01:26:49,656
Chris, where's the groom at?
1807
01:26:49,656 --> 01:26:50,971
Yo, best man, where's Ryan at?
1808
01:26:50,971 --> 01:26:51,971
- Best?
1809
01:26:51,971 --> 01:26:53,005
You still think you're the best man?
1810
01:26:53,005 --> 01:26:54,766
Ryan, you gotta decide now, okay?
1811
01:26:54,766 --> 01:26:56,522
Flip a coin or something.
1812
01:26:56,522 --> 01:26:57,517
- It's decided.
1813
01:26:57,517 --> 01:26:58,614
Matt's the best man.
1814
01:26:58,614 --> 01:27:00,281
- What, come on, no.
1815
01:27:02,339 --> 01:27:03,172
- Sorry.
1816
01:27:05,093 --> 01:27:06,182
- Damn, I knew this would happen.
1817
01:27:06,182 --> 01:27:08,932
- Just 'cause he combed his hair.
1818
01:27:13,950 --> 01:27:17,033
(church organ music)
1819
01:27:53,431 --> 01:27:54,430
- Hi.
1820
01:27:54,430 --> 01:27:55,263
- Hi.
1821
01:27:56,601 --> 01:27:57,883
I didn't think you were gonna come.
1822
01:27:57,883 --> 01:27:58,716
- I know.
1823
01:28:00,642 --> 01:28:03,309
But I figured, whatever happens,
1824
01:28:05,891 --> 01:28:09,141
well, at least I get to wear the dress.
1825
01:28:10,591 --> 01:28:11,758
- Let us pray.
1826
01:28:14,625 --> 01:28:16,506
The union is ready.
1827
01:28:16,506 --> 01:28:19,123
Does anyone here have
any reason for these two
1828
01:28:19,123 --> 01:28:21,193
not to be married here today?
1829
01:28:21,193 --> 01:28:24,545
Speak now or forever hold your peace.
1830
01:28:24,545 --> 01:28:27,378
(woman chuckling)
1831
01:28:29,252 --> 01:28:31,490
- Oh, no, we're good.
1832
01:28:31,490 --> 01:28:35,657
Okay, that's usually just
a rhetorical question, but.
1833
01:28:43,913 --> 01:28:47,666
- I don't wanna marry you
if I'm the default option.
1834
01:28:47,666 --> 01:28:49,605
- And I don't wanna marry
you if I'm only doing it
1835
01:28:49,605 --> 01:28:51,589
because I'm afraid to be gay.
1836
01:28:51,589 --> 01:28:53,391
(crowd gasping)
1837
01:28:53,391 --> 01:28:55,641
- Oh my god, what the fuck.
1838
01:28:58,947 --> 01:28:59,780
- I uh,
1839
01:29:03,373 --> 01:29:06,040
Matt here, most of you know him.
1840
01:29:07,375 --> 01:29:08,208
- Hi.
1841
01:29:10,134 --> 01:29:12,634
- Matthew, was my best friend.
1842
01:29:14,740 --> 01:29:16,823
And my biggest supporter.
1843
01:29:18,155 --> 01:29:22,238
And my life raft through
some really rough times.
1844
01:29:23,166 --> 01:29:25,666
And he was also my first love.
1845
01:29:27,910 --> 01:29:29,577
My first everything.
1846
01:29:32,539 --> 01:29:36,305
And I'm not gonna be ashamed of that.
1847
01:29:36,305 --> 01:29:38,467
Last night with Alex's prompting
1848
01:29:38,467 --> 01:29:42,319
I decided to finally figure
it out once and for all.
1849
01:29:42,319 --> 01:29:43,152
- And?
1850
01:29:53,851 --> 01:29:54,851
- I'm sorry.
1851
01:29:57,030 --> 01:29:58,444
You're a little scratchy.
1852
01:29:58,444 --> 01:30:00,768
I don't remember that very much.
1853
01:30:00,768 --> 01:30:04,036
- Well, I was 17, I was barely shaving.
1854
01:30:04,036 --> 01:30:06,892
- I realized that as much
as I wondered about myself
1855
01:30:06,892 --> 01:30:09,551
that I don't love men.
1856
01:30:09,551 --> 01:30:11,051
I just loved Matt.
1857
01:30:13,098 --> 01:30:15,033
- And I finally realized that
1858
01:30:15,033 --> 01:30:16,820
he's not the same person
I've been fixated on
1859
01:30:16,820 --> 01:30:18,153
all these years.
1860
01:30:19,640 --> 01:30:21,985
Last night he was a friend
who was about to marry
1861
01:30:21,985 --> 01:30:24,162
another friend of mine.
1862
01:30:24,162 --> 01:30:29,143
- Whatever happens, thanks for
helping me put that to rest.
1863
01:30:29,143 --> 01:30:29,976
- Wow.
1864
01:30:31,853 --> 01:30:34,103
I really miss the days when
1865
01:30:35,372 --> 01:30:38,385
people didn't write
their own wedding vows.
1866
01:30:38,385 --> 01:30:41,385
It just, anyone here have any reason
1867
01:30:42,221 --> 01:30:44,888
why these two should be married?
1868
01:30:47,021 --> 01:30:47,854
- I do.
1869
01:30:50,371 --> 01:30:52,838
She loves him so much she's willing
1870
01:30:52,838 --> 01:30:57,337
to live without him if
that's gonna make him happy.
1871
01:30:57,337 --> 01:30:58,170
And Alex,
1872
01:31:00,129 --> 01:31:02,879
I believe that on your worst day,
1873
01:31:03,915 --> 01:31:05,533
Ryan would rather be
with you than anyone else
1874
01:31:05,533 --> 01:31:09,102
in the whole world on their very best.
1875
01:31:09,102 --> 01:31:10,185
- He's right.
1876
01:31:11,269 --> 01:31:13,269
Alex, will you marry me?
1877
01:31:20,938 --> 01:31:22,108
- No.
1878
01:31:22,108 --> 01:31:24,457
(laughing)
1879
01:31:24,457 --> 01:31:28,261
There's too much pressure to get married.
1880
01:31:28,261 --> 01:31:31,563
To have the perfect wedding, I mean.
1881
01:31:31,563 --> 01:31:35,170
To have the right dress, to
have the right invitations.
1882
01:31:35,170 --> 01:31:38,934
I mean Jeez Louise, what
if it all goes downhill?
1883
01:31:38,934 --> 01:31:40,434
I don't want that.
1884
01:31:42,158 --> 01:31:44,825
I just want you and me together.
1885
01:31:47,189 --> 01:31:50,009
'Cause I don't need a piece of paper
1886
01:31:50,009 --> 01:31:53,199
or even a word to make me happy, Ryan.
1887
01:31:53,199 --> 01:31:55,736
Marriage, civil union, whatever.
1888
01:31:55,736 --> 01:31:58,946
As long as we believe in what we're doing,
1889
01:31:58,946 --> 01:32:02,113
does it really matter what we call it?
1890
01:32:03,106 --> 01:32:05,243
I want a commitment
1891
01:32:05,243 --> 01:32:06,493
from me to you.
1892
01:32:09,870 --> 01:32:11,037
And you to me.
1893
01:32:12,146 --> 01:32:12,979
Forever.
1894
01:32:14,716 --> 01:32:15,799
Nothing more.
1895
01:32:17,964 --> 01:32:20,297
And absolutely nothing less.
1896
01:32:22,749 --> 01:32:25,081
So what do you say?
1897
01:32:25,081 --> 01:32:26,732
- I do.
1898
01:32:26,732 --> 01:32:27,649
- I do too.
1899
01:32:28,968 --> 01:32:30,073
- All right.
1900
01:32:30,073 --> 01:32:33,156
I guess you may kiss the, each other.
1901
01:32:35,384 --> 01:32:37,634
(clapping)
1902
01:32:44,014 --> 01:32:49,005
♪ I never thought I was
one of the lucky ones ♪
1903
01:32:49,005 --> 01:32:51,221
(cheering)
1904
01:32:51,221 --> 01:32:56,221
♪ Put my heart in places
it didn't belong ♪
1905
01:32:57,795 --> 01:33:01,353
♪ Well I guess you never
find out if you never try ♪
1906
01:33:01,353 --> 01:33:05,081
♪ God know i must have tried
about a million times ♪
1907
01:33:05,081 --> 01:33:09,121
♪ And as soon as I
should live out my life ♪
1908
01:33:09,121 --> 01:33:12,494
♪ Finally you found me ♪
1909
01:33:12,494 --> 01:33:13,327
- Wow.
1910
01:33:15,443 --> 01:33:17,610
Thank you for rescuing me.
1911
01:33:25,778 --> 01:33:26,781
- Thank you.
1912
01:33:26,781 --> 01:33:27,933
- Okay.
1913
01:33:27,933 --> 01:33:31,100
- [Ryan] Hey, save some of that for me
1914
01:33:33,183 --> 01:33:34,996
♪ You found me ♪
1915
01:33:34,996 --> 01:33:37,246
(clapping)
1916
01:33:49,866 --> 01:33:54,033
♪ Making off along the way
and never looking back ♪
1917
01:34:05,096 --> 01:34:06,929
- Hey Joey, it's Matt.
1918
01:34:08,120 --> 01:34:10,576
Hey, about dropping off the key tonight.
1919
01:34:10,576 --> 01:34:11,409
Don't.
1920
01:34:12,434 --> 01:34:15,615
I think I finally got some
things straight, so to speak.
1921
01:34:15,615 --> 01:34:17,987
I'm gonna be home tonight
1922
01:34:17,987 --> 01:34:20,167
so I really hope you get this.
1923
01:34:20,167 --> 01:34:21,319
It'd be good to see you.
1924
01:34:21,319 --> 01:34:22,804
Bye.
1925
01:34:22,804 --> 01:34:26,810
♪ Taking off along the way
and never looking back ♪
1926
01:34:26,810 --> 01:34:28,810
- Matthew Phillip Roman.
1927
01:34:30,508 --> 01:34:32,591
Right under my nose, hmm?
1928
01:34:38,526 --> 01:34:41,240
I want you to promise me something.
1929
01:34:41,240 --> 01:34:43,823
That you won't disappear again.
1930
01:34:45,001 --> 01:34:48,251
Ryan's not the only one who misses you.
1931
01:34:54,053 --> 01:34:57,803
I will always think of
you as a mother's son.
1932
01:34:59,777 --> 01:35:00,777
Okay, smile!
1933
01:35:03,939 --> 01:35:05,593
Let me know if you want
some of these pictures.
1934
01:35:05,593 --> 01:35:07,426
I'll send them to you.
1935
01:35:09,017 --> 01:35:10,100
- About that.
1936
01:35:11,601 --> 01:35:15,316
Have you ever wanted to be published?
1937
01:35:15,316 --> 01:35:20,316
♪ And now I see forever in your eyes ♪
1938
01:35:21,813 --> 01:35:25,264
♪ This time ♪
1939
01:35:25,264 --> 01:35:29,171
♪ Can't find a reason for me to hide ♪
1940
01:35:29,171 --> 01:35:30,511
♪ Oh ♪
1941
01:35:30,511 --> 01:35:35,511
♪ With the thought of
love I couldn't find ♪
1942
01:35:35,821 --> 01:35:37,986
♪ You found me ♪
1943
01:35:37,986 --> 01:35:41,575
♪ I'm not an island anymore ♪
1944
01:35:41,575 --> 01:35:45,075
♪ With you I'd live for so much more ♪
1945
01:35:45,075 --> 01:35:48,125
♪ And I never ever ever ♪
1946
01:35:48,125 --> 01:35:50,542
♪ Let you go ♪
1947
01:35:52,300 --> 01:35:53,300
- We worked really nice there
1948
01:35:53,300 --> 01:35:54,310
we were totally not gonna touch.
1949
01:35:54,310 --> 01:35:56,108
- We're not touching.
1950
01:35:56,108 --> 01:35:57,412
- I'm not touching him.
1951
01:35:57,412 --> 01:36:00,329
- So what's on the itinerary, boys?
1952
01:36:04,051 --> 01:36:05,370
- Guess that's no.
1953
01:36:05,370 --> 01:36:07,120
Hey, Junior, wait up.
1954
01:36:09,169 --> 01:36:14,169
♪ Can't find a reason for me to hide ♪
1955
01:36:14,877 --> 01:36:19,877
♪ Waiting for the love I couldn't find ♪
1956
01:36:21,728 --> 01:36:26,728
♪ Waiting for the love I couldn't find ♪
1957
01:36:27,049 --> 01:36:31,286
♪ You found me ♪
1958
01:36:31,286 --> 01:36:34,631
♪ You found me ♪
1959
01:36:34,631 --> 01:36:38,184
♪ You found me ♪
1960
01:36:38,184 --> 01:36:40,767
♪ You found me ♪
1961
01:36:47,922 --> 01:36:50,172
(laughing)
1962
01:36:54,985 --> 01:36:56,922
♪ Come with me baby ♪
1963
01:36:56,922 --> 01:36:59,333
♪ Oh oh oh ♪
1964
01:36:59,333 --> 01:37:02,310
♪ I still got it baby ♪
1965
01:37:02,310 --> 01:37:04,659
♪ It wasn't anymore ♪
1966
01:37:04,659 --> 01:37:07,297
♪ Seemed like best of friends ♪
1967
01:37:07,297 --> 01:37:11,464
♪ Those days are innocent, beautiful ♪
1968
01:37:12,554 --> 01:37:15,727
(tires screeching)
1969
01:37:15,727 --> 01:37:17,994
♪ Till I became a man ♪
1970
01:37:17,994 --> 01:37:20,330
♪ Must have been hard to watch me ♪
1971
01:37:20,330 --> 01:37:22,708
♪ Leave your dreams behind ♪
1972
01:37:22,708 --> 01:37:25,389
♪ But beliefs do what they're made to do ♪
1973
01:37:25,389 --> 01:37:28,037
♪ Dividing those of different views ♪
1974
01:37:28,037 --> 01:37:30,688
♪ But I believe love is big enough ♪
1975
01:37:30,688 --> 01:37:34,332
♪ To cross the great divide ♪
1976
01:37:34,332 --> 01:37:39,016
♪ I'm trying to build this bridge and ♪
1977
01:37:39,016 --> 01:37:42,139
♪ Close the distance ♪
1978
01:37:42,139 --> 01:37:44,690
♪ Before time gets away ♪
1979
01:37:44,690 --> 01:37:49,566
♪ You're finally trying to do this ♪
1980
01:37:49,566 --> 01:37:52,725
♪ And I lie thinking ♪
1981
01:37:52,725 --> 01:37:57,725
♪ Maybe we're okay ♪
1982
01:38:00,598 --> 01:38:03,003
♪ There's no one here to blame ♪
1983
01:38:03,003 --> 01:38:05,863
♪ Just an unfamiliar thing ♪
1984
01:38:05,863 --> 01:38:10,863
♪ It's not important that
we see things eye to eye ♪
1985
01:38:11,206 --> 01:38:13,735
♪ I wanna laugh with you ♪
1986
01:38:13,735 --> 01:38:16,727
♪ Hear what you're going through ♪
1987
01:38:16,727 --> 01:38:21,717
♪ And know you're happy for
the joy that's in my life ♪
1988
01:38:21,717 --> 01:38:24,088
♪ So I'll do what I know to do ♪
1989
01:38:24,088 --> 01:38:26,676
♪ Stay with you and talk it through ♪
1990
01:38:26,676 --> 01:38:29,044
♪ 'cause I don't think either one of us ♪
1991
01:38:29,044 --> 01:38:32,816
♪ Wants to be serendrous anymore ♪
1992
01:38:32,816 --> 01:38:37,474
♪ I'm trying to build this bridge and ♪
1993
01:38:37,474 --> 01:38:40,527
♪ Close the distance ♪
1994
01:38:40,527 --> 01:38:43,257
♪ Before time gets away ♪
1995
01:38:43,257 --> 01:38:48,027
♪ You're finally trying to do this ♪
1996
01:38:48,027 --> 01:38:51,009
♪ And I like thinking ♪
1997
01:38:51,009 --> 01:38:56,009
♪ Maybe we're okay ♪
1998
01:38:59,078 --> 01:39:01,493
♪ And I'm not going anywhere ♪
1999
01:39:01,493 --> 01:39:04,072
♪ My love for you is always there ♪
2000
01:39:04,072 --> 01:39:06,843
♪ And love is still the greatest truth ♪
2001
01:39:06,843 --> 01:39:11,843
♪ And love is what'll get us through ♪
2002
01:39:12,180 --> 01:39:14,097
♪ Yeah ♪
137498
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