Original subtitles

Strange feeling, isn't it?

Just you, me, and Jerry now.

Poor George. It'll never be the four of us again.

The end of an era.

Stop trying to make yourself cry.

I want George's family to know I'm upset.

You don't look sad. You just look like a reluctant bottom.

Forgive me.

I was taught not to cry in front of other people.

It was a class I took in junior high called PE.

Oh, good Lord.

Why, George? Why?

I know.

It's him, but it's not him.

- It's like his soul... - I loathe a three-button blazer!

And all three are buttoned.

How many times did I tell him? Sometimes, always, never.

I'm thinking maybe this wasn't his doing.

Excuse me, I'm so sorry. I'm with those two.

Jerry, late to our best friend's funeral?

We had an emergency landing in Tucson.

A service dog killed an emotional support chicken.

Lotta anger. Lotta feathers.

Oh... oh, Georgie.

Oh, God.

It's so upsetting seeing him like that.

It's the finality of it.

- It's heartbreaking. - Will we ever smile again?

Sweet Jesus, who's the body?

That's the UPS guy who found George.

Perhaps he'd like me to demonstrate what Brown can do for him.

Welcome, boys.

I always forget how big this place is.

Yes. It's not home, but it's much.

All this from selling bras.

As of next month, we'll have a Bunny Hutch store in 31 states.

As long as there's women who wear bras

and husbands who wear them when no one's home...

I'll make a lovely dollar.

I feel like this is something that would be in Elphaba's bathroom.

To me, this is the finest piece in the entire house.

Oh my gosh. Look at us.

Summer of '94, first year at the Fire Island house.

Dis-Graceland.

I can't believe how young we all looked.

- Don't say "we." - Yes, don't.

You look the same age no matter when a picture was taken.

You're like the mountains, or Rob Lowe.

Boys, do you remember when I first started...

Wait, wait, wait, wait. Save it.

If we're gonna reminisce, I need a soft cheese,

a kimono, and some pills.

Go, pick a bedroom.

Just not the one that smells like Nivea and disapproval,

because that's my mother's.

Jerry, were you still dating George in this picture?

I think so.

I mean, he's not mounting me the way just a friend would.

Yes, the weekend George walked his Mormon child bride

into our house to mock us.

I wanted to hate you, but you were too nice to hate.

I hated you for that.

You didn't hate me that much.

After George and I broke up, you never let me leave.

Oh, look at us performing on the dock!

We may have been the first all-male girl group.

- We were good. - Oh, yeah.

♪ Oh yeah, ooh! ♪

We're not doing this.

- I think we are. - Oh, no, Jerry, I don't want to.

- I think you do. - No!

- Come on, buddy. - Please.

♪ What a man, what a man, what a man ♪

- ♪ What a mighty good man ♪ - ♪ Say it again now ♪

♪ What a man, what a man, what a man ♪

- ♪ What a mighty good man ♪ - ♪ Yeah, he's a mighty good man ♪

♪ My man is smooth like Barry and his voice got bass ♪

♪ A body... ♪

That's George's part.

There's no one to do George's part.

It's strange.

We made it through the nightmare of the '80s.

I just figured we'd all live forever.

I still can't get over how sad it is

that George was found by a UPS guy.

What's sad is his laptop was open to a Google search,

"bubble butt inserts for pear-shaped men over 60."

So... specific.

It was in the police report.

This is why people want to defund the police.

I don't think it is, darling.

George had nobody to erase his search history.

Oh, God. Who's gonna erase our search history?

We all live alone.

- You live with your mother. - Please, Sybil's 200 years old.

I'll be alone soon enough.

Although the woman could probably make it another 20 years

just on cottage cheese and spite.

I liked cottage cheese as a kid, then I stopped liking it.

But as I'm getting older,

I'm liking it again.

Thank God you're here to say what no one else is thinking.

Wait. Just hear me out.

We're women of a certain age.

- We're alone. We're miserable. - I'm not miserable.

Trust me, you're miserable.

You're too poor for New York. You hate Atlanta.

- I like Atlanta. - You hate it.

Why don't you know this?

- You'll both move in with me. - And there it is.

Bunny Schneiderman's veni, vidi, vici.

Do it fast, do it now, do it wrong.

Arthur, this one makes sense.

- We never see each other. - We FaceTime every night.

I use a filter. It's barely even me.

George's death is telling us something.

We need each other for comfort, companionship,

and to erase our very, very disgusting search histories.

Let's be together while we still can, like a family.

It'd be a big change.

We live in one place and all of a sudden,

we'd be living somewhere else.

I believe that's called moving, dear.

You don't need to answer right now. Just sleep on it.

What if one of us falls in love?

Don't you think if that was going to happen,

it would have happened already?

And it's not like we're going to stop dating.

I mean, of course we'll date. I have a date tonight.

Quelle surprise. Do tell.

I met him on my dating app for the discerning older gentlemen

and the younger men who love them, Gay December Romance.

Show him to me at once.

Ooh-la-la. Pretty, chiseled,

well-coiffed, good posture.

Do you have a picture of his face?

Say hola to Antonio.

Are there more like him around here?

Darling, it's Palm Springs.

This place is so gay, even the trees are named Joshua.

♪ What a man, what a man, what a man, what a mighty good man ♪

♪ Yes, he is ♪

Ugh.

Ah.

Mm.

- Hello, Antonio. - Wow.

Oh, yes, it's not home, but it's mucho.

I wasn't wowing your house.

Then, what were you "gwowing?"

"Jou."

This Jew?

Well, that's...

Re...

Oh, stop.

Please, come in.

Oh...

Oh...

Oh!

I haven't been this sexually fulfilled

since I was at the bottom of a dog pile at Camp Shalom.

Imagine how much better it would be if you took your clothes off.

Oh... oh, hush puppy.

Not on a first date.

I mean, don't get me wrong, you can chain me to the wall

like a starfish and wreck me like a background actress

on Game of Thrones.

But it's gonna be a while before I let you see my tummy.

But tell me more about you. I wanna know everything.

Your hopes, your dreams, your last name.

My last name is Sandoval.

And, uh, what else can I tell you?

I'm a trainer at Equinox, but that's not what I, um...

I mean, things haven't worked out the way I...

I mean, I don't have what you have.

Hey, I don't have what you have.

- Like what? - Foreskin, for starters.

No, I'm serious.

I mean, you're obviously a very successful man,

and I always imagined that one day,

I would have a life like this, too.

Why can't you? Anything's possible.

It's never too late, Antonio Sandoval.

- You really believe that? - I really believe that.

You have kind eyes.

You must have a partner, no? Is he away or something, or...?

No. It's just me.

I never really had...

I mean, I always thought I'd have a husband by now, but...

I guess it just never happened.

Anything's possible.

It's never too late, Bunny...

Schneiderman.

It's like Spider-Man, but with a "shn."

Arthur, let's move here.

Bunny's right. I'm happiest when we're all together.

It's lonely in Atlanta, even with another person in my bed.

And I'm twice as lonely when there are two people in my bed.

Three times as lonely when there are three people...

I understand the math.

I'm not sure you do, because when there are four people in my bed,

I go back to being twice as lonely.

How would you feel about leaving New York?

I am sick of the winters, and the other seasons,

and all the people.

And the way they keep going.

- So, yes? - Yes.

I can be unhappy anywhere.

It might as well be in a heated pool.

- Where are the yellow ones? - Oh, pantry.

The only real negative I can think of is the mother living here.

Now, don't say that. Sybil's fantastic.

Sybil's okay. She's a bit much.

The silver lining is she'll be in assisted living

before you can say, "Ding-dong, the witch is..."

Here.

I heard everything you said, Arthur.

Perhaps you shouldn't be eavesdropping.

I wasn't eavesdropping.

I was hiding Fig Newtons from my son.

Then, I heard the two of you come in, and I shifted to eavesdropping.

- Sybil, look... - Save it.

You're not a nice person.

But give me a hug anyway, you're still family.

As are you.

Sort of a beloved, but racist aunt.

I never had a problem with you because you're Black.

I had a problem with you because you're a bitch.

I'll accept that.

Heard you got fired from Vogue.

I wasn't fired. It was a mutual parting of the ways.

So, she thought you were a bitch, too.

It'll be nice to have you here. We can share clothes.

Jer-a-la, look at you.

How are you?

Oh my, you're still so handsome.

Hi, Sybil. Did you get the Saint Raphael medallion

I sent you when you were sick?

Denise in premium economy told me he's the patron saint of healing.

I did, dolly, and just for the record,

not the best gift to give an old Jewish broad

with Polish roots whose family was turned in by Catholics.

I'm sorry, Syb, about the medallion,

and... you know.

The Nazis.

I'm thrilled you're gonna move in here.

It's gonna be so good for the Bunny to not be alone when I'm gone,

which won't be for a long while!

- I didn't mean anything. - Oh yeah, you did.

And you're not sticking me in an assisted living facility.

I've got too much to do. I've got a daughter to marry off.

I thought Mindy was married.

Was. I'm desperate to fix her up.

She's got kids, she's not young, she's not...

Well, I think she's beautiful, but this is America.

- Bye-bye. - Bye.

There's no way that woman could have produced a straight son.

Anyone in the mood for huevos rancheros?

Someone had a Latinx-rated night.

Please, don't cheapen it with your tawdry puns.

But, si.

- You're on PrEP, right? - Of course.

You know it's PrEP as in prep, not PrEP as in Preparation H.

You only make that mistake once.

Or not at all.

Anyway, Arthur and I talked about it, and we're gonna do it.

- Do what? - Move to Palm Springs.

Even Arthur. Tell him.

Just as you said last night to your trick,

"Surprise, I'm all in."

He's not a trick. His name is Antonio.

Well, excusez-moi.

Arthur can work from anywhere, and the airline has no problem

- basing me here, so... - Boys, boys, boys.

When I said sleep on it, I meant more like hibernate on it, you know?

Take your time. Months, even.

What's going on with you right now?

I'm only thinking of you two. This is a big change, and I...

Jerry, get our bags. We're leaving.

Wh... I don't understand. What's going on?

This ridiculous queen met someone last night

who fulfilled all his requirements.

He had a pulse and didn't run away screaming.

Bunny, is that true?

And now he thinks they're in love and they have a future.

Ergo, we're out.

- That's not exactly what ha... - We should have seen this coming.

You asked him to move in, didn't you?

Well, I... I...

He likes my stretch marks.

He called them battle scars.

I'll get the bags.

Jerry...

Be happy for me, Arthur.

You've had a great love. I haven't.

And I think he could be the one.

How could you not know that Antonio

walked into this Dinah Shore extravaganza in the desert

and saw neon signs flashing above your head?

"Sugar daddy. Sugar daddy."

Of course, because I'm completely unlovable.

That's not my point. I just know.

Right, you always "just know."

What's it like being an authority on everyone and everything?

Exhausting!

You've always lived by the motto, "Act, then think."

Insisting Jerry and I uproot our lives and move here.

Spending a night with a hustler and mistaking it for love.

You just can't stand the thought of me falling in love at this age

because it only highlights how unhappy you are.

You know what'll make me happy? When Tricky Ricardo is done with you.

And I get to walk up to your door and say, "I told you so, Queen."

You are so spiteful, Arthur.

Not spiteful. Baffled.

Despite success in nearly every aspect of your life,

you still have a fundamental belief that you're unworthy of real love.

And I'm not exactly sure why that is.

I'm going out. Don't let the Bunny eat too much!

But I have theories.

Good Lord, look at this place.

It's where kitsch and tragic meet up for a three-way with filth.

You said find a gay-friendly motel near the airport.

I thought you'd like it 'cause it's French.

The Chauvette Inn.

It's "shove it in," isn't it?

Of course, I feel bad about disappointing them,

but I'm going to put myself first for once.

Don't you think I deserve that?

This is the wonderful thing about cottage cheese.

It says it expired last month, but it tastes fine.

Why is torture your go-to?

Stop feeling sorry for yourself. It's very unattractive.

Your father and I, may he rest in peace, did not raise a self-pitying yutz.

We raised a bold, confident man who takes a bite outta life.

Then, why'd you name me Bunny?!

And if Bunny has a chance of finding love,

shouldn't we want that for him?

What kind of Donny Osmond, Mormon Tabernacle crap

are you spewing, woman?

He betrayed us. Why aren't you more incensed?

Well, I was raised to be understanding and forgiving,

and to put others' needs before my own,

and to love my neighbor, unless they're gay like me.

Then, I'm supposed to throw rocks at them.

When you know, you know.

Doesn't matter if you've been with someone 10 years or one night, right?

You and Daddy were married 53 years.

When did you know he was the one?

When I buried him.

I looked around and there was none, so I figured he must have been the one.

Why are you so afraid to be angry?

Isn't there anything that enrages you to your core?

Well, sometimes on a transatlantic flight,

we'll run out of the short rib, and I'll have to push the frittata.

And I know those are not real eggs.

Go deeper, darling.

I don't know, maybe I'm nitpicking...

but I didn't really like that my wife outed me

in front of the entire congregation

and poisoned my relationship with my daughter.

Yes, yes. There it is!

And how does that make you feel, Jerry?

Like I'm giving someone a frittata who wants a short rib!

I don't know. Could I live with my best friends?

I, I, I love Marsha and Judy,

but oh, the way Judy chews, she could make a banana crunch.

Okay, are we done here?

Don't you have any advice for me?

Oh, sweetheart. You are my son,

but we are very different people, you and I.

You have to do what's right for you.

The best advice I can give you is...

when in doubt, choose love.

Hm?

Come on. Our rooms are ready.

Oh, do you think there'll be a chocolate on our pillows?

That's what we'll tell ourselves.

Oh, mon dieu! Jerry, don't be obvious,

but look over there at three o'clock.

Why do I have to wait till 3:00? Can't I just look now?

It's Antonio. Bunny's Antonio,

walking into a room with a man 11% more attractive than Bunny.

- Are we sure that's him? - It's him.

I recognize him from his photo.

How? He's wearing pants.

I'm nervous. Will you just go over it one more time?

It's very simple.

Bunny will invite us in to explain himself,

at which point, we will say...

"No, thank you. We're very angry at you."

Wrong. We will say, "Yes, of course," and follow him in.

He will offer us a light snack, and we will say...

"No, thank you. We're very angry at you."

Wrong again.

- Just tell me when to say the thing. - I'm getting to it.

Bunny will attempt to justify why he's chosen a trick over lifelong friends.

That's when I will slowly and deliciously inform him

of his lover's duplicity, thereby reducing the Bunny

to a gay bouillon of shame.

And when I'm done, that will be your cue to deliver le coup de grace,

the sweetest five words one lifelong friend

can ever say to another.

"I told you so."

- "Queen." - What?

- "Queen." - What?

It's, "I told you so, Queen."

You see how that's five words, not four?

"It's I told you so, Queen."

- That's six words. - You don't count the "it's"!

"I told you so, Queen." I've got it.

Okay, I got it.

Wait. What if he says he made a mistake,

and he still wants us to move in?

It's really hard for you pretty people

to believe you're not wanted, isn't it?

"I told you so, Queen."

That's what you say to the bad man at the end of the scene.

- Oh, good. You got my message. - We didn't.

Jerry and I just came by to say goodbye and good luck.

Please, come in. I want to explain myself.

Yes, thank you. We're not angry at you.

I've always had this notion that of the four of us...

well, now the three of us, I've been the unluckiest in love.

Arthur, you had Lionel. He was amazing.

Granted, there was a 700-year age difference.

But you got to see Paris for the first time

with someone you loved.

He cherished you. He took care of you.

And after George, Jerry, you had all those happy, crazy years

with you-know-who.

It never would have ended if he didn't have to marry that woman

to get re-elected.

I hate the Senate.

The point is, I'm the one who's never had a love story.

Then, I meet this incredibly sweet young man

who made me think, could this be it?

Could I have finally found the love of my life?

- Buckle up. - And put your seat backs

in the upright position.

So, I thought long and hard about it.

And then, right before you came here today,

it became obvious to me.

I have found the love of my life.

- Interesting, because... - It's you two.

This friendship...

is my love story.

Yes, it's sexless and annoying.

But what long-lasting love story isn't?

I'm so sorry, boys. I made a big mistake.

Of course, I still want you to move in.

Please, forgive me.

Now, Arthur, what were you going to say?

Um...

I don't really have anything to say.

I do.

I told you so, Queen.

♪ Yeah, yeah, oh yeah ♪

♪ Oh, yeah, ooh! ♪

♪ What a man, what a man, what a man ♪

- ♪ What a mighty good man ♪ - ♪ Say it again, now ♪

♪ What a man, what a man, what a man ♪

- ♪ What a mighty good man ♪ - ♪ Yeah, he's a mighty good man ♪

♪ My man is smooth like Barry and his voice got bass ♪

♪ A body like Arnold with a Denzel face ♪

- ♪ Oh yeah ♪ - ♪ Ow! ♪

♪ What a man, what a man, what a man, what a mighty good man ♪

Let me talk to the boys.