Original subtitles

Baby -- come on, drawer.

Curtis?

Curtis payne?

Come on, baby. I need you.

What?

Curtis!

What the hell?

Did I fix that?

Ooh, did you see that, baby?

I almost killed myself.

You was almost a millionaire.

Curtis, with your insurance

Policy, more like a hundredaire.

Baby, this drawer is stuck

Again.

I just wish you'd get somebody

Here to fix this place, baby.

Did you try to put some dish

Detergent on it?

No.

This'll work.

Got to be here somewhere.

Curtis...

You know what?

Give me your shoe.

Give me your shoe, baby...

For what?

And the bobby pin.

Curtis, please.

Come on, baby.

Uh-uh, baby. Don't do that.

Curtis, you know what happened

The last time you try to fix

Something.

What?

You idiot!

I had to release the pressure

From the lower extremity.

Boop.

By putting a hole in my wall?

Ain't nobody gonna notice

That, man.

The hole is bigger than me.

It ain't that damn big.

Come here before I mash

You...

Stop.

That was just a boo-boo.

Curtis, this house is falling

Apart.

The roof is leaking.

Baby, I got three buckets,

And there's some bubblegum, hook

That roof up.

Every time I turn on the

Microwave, the tv changes

Channels.

That's because you haven't

Learned the buttons, ella.

I'm gonna tell you this one more

Time.

If you want to watch a movie,

Just hit defrost.

[ beep ]

[ chuckles ]

[ salsa music playing ]

Curtis, I'm serious.

If we do not fix this place, we

Are gonna have to move.

I agree.

Yes.

So we get to fix this place?

Better than that.

We're gonna sell it!

[ chuckles ]

Yeah. That's right.

We want to sell, so put it on

The market and get back with me.

Okay.

Curtis, we need to talk about

This now or at least talk to

Miranda.

She's in real estate.

Oh, ella, please.

She's also a former con artist.

Curtis, you --

Hey, hey, people.

What's going on?

Miss ella, can I borrow your

Mixer, please?

And some sugar and flour?

Oh, oh, and some butter.

Okay, or you could just

Borrow a cake.

That's a good idea 'cause

She can't cook.

Now, you can't give them my

Mixer 'cause it turns on the

Ceiling fan.

Curtis!

Calvin, your father is losing

His mind.

He wants to sell this house.

What?

You can't sell this house.

This is our second home.

You cannot sell this house...

Thank you.

Not without remodeling it

And, you know, setting up an

Open house.

What is your schedule like?

You know, how about tuesday 2:00

To 4:00?

How does that sound?

Miranda, what?

Okay. You're right.

So 2:00 to 6:00?

Wait a minute, miranda.

There are so many memories in

This house.

With all that I have shown you

About cooking, you can bribe a

Man with some food.

Whenever I want curtis to do

Anything for me, I just smother

Him a pork chop.

Mm-hmm. Oh, yeah.

When you heat things up in the

Kitchen, you can heat things up

Elsewhere.

Mm!

Okay, sandra.

Sandra, you don't want to just

Do that.

Oh, so sorry.

You want him to cook every

Once in a while.

And whatsonever you do, don't

Ever cook.

Even if she threatens to

Leave you.

Whoa, whoa, whoa.

Is it that serious?

Yes.

Well, can't I just cook her,

Like, some breakfast?

No.

No, because once you cook the

First time, she's gonna expect

You to cook all the time.

Let me tell you something.

When she cuts that stove on, you

Act like a caveman, like it's

The first time you ever seen

Fire.

[ babbles ]

[ grunting ]

[ chuckles ]

[ grunting ]

What you all doing?

And y'all still didn't

Listen.

And we got married here.

Almost.

Miranda, do you take

Calvin payne as your wedded

Husband?

I do.

[ chuckles ]

Clarence, do you --

Well, did you just hear what I

Asked them?

Okay?

Yes.

And janine, do you want to

Marry him, too?

No.

No?

No. No, no.

My water just broke.

Oh, no.

Mnh-mnh.

We can't leave here.

Huh, the hell we can't.

So, you know, mr. Payne, if

You decide to sell the house,

Here's my card.

Wow.

Is there anything we can do?

Yes, son.

You can start by helping pack

One of those bedrooms back

There.

Please be careful with your

Mama's "Jumping jacks for jesus"

Exercise tapes.

Oh! Oh!

Yes!

Yes.

Yes, mr. Payne.

Well, look here at this

Wonderful two-bedroom, two-bath

Condo, buckhead-adjacent.

Buckhead-adjacent?

What does that mean?

You have a view of a better

Neighborhood.

What's up, everybody?

Hey, cousin calvin.

Hi, family.

Hey, hey.

Hey, auntie.

Just in time.

Wait, wait, wait.

Where are the twins?

Oh, they're with the sitter

At home.

Where you all should be.

You love throwing people out,

Don't you?

No, I don't.

All: yeah, right.

Guess I better help you put

Your stuff in your room.

Oh, thanks, pops.

The black one is heavy.

Pops, what are you doing?

Pops!

[ luggage clatters ]

Putting your stuff in your

New room.

No, no.

[ luggage clatters ]

You got a satellite dish,

Satellite, and moonlight.

Night-night.

I'm gonna have to ask you two to

Get the hell out.

Pardon me.

Ooh, gladly.

You forgot something.

What?

Unh!

[ laughter ]

[ laughs sarcastically ]

We'll see who's laughing when me

And my baby get a one-bedroom

Apartment and we don't have the

Room for you and your tribe.

Okay, but why do you want to

Move?

Finally going to the old

Folks home, huh?

Look.

Don't be smart, little girl.

Remember the last time your

Mouth got you in trouble?

Go on in the kitchen.

Y'all sit down, eat.

Y'all working on my nerves.

Go in and fix something for them

To eat, curtis.

I'm watching the stories.

He can't cook.

You need to do it.

Freeze.

Now, I know there's some of

Y'all that want to write in and

Say that I'm not supposed to hit

No children and all that other

Stuff.

Go straight to hell.

I'm madea.

I'm gonna beat her ass.

We going to black, and when I

Come back, she gonna be

Straight.

Cut the camera off.

Put it down on the damn floor

Or something.

Look at the wall over there

While I handle this.

Put the camera...

Aah! Aah!

How you gonna sit there and

Talk to me like that.

Do you understand?

[ crying ]

Come on.

Now, sorry for all of you proper

People who don't believe in

That.

I don't believe in child abuse,

But I do believe in getting a

Child straight, okay?

Unfreeze.

Why does my boom-boom hurt?

Hmm.

Let's try this again, shalt we?

Y'all go on in the kitchen.

Curtis, go on up in there and

Fix some food for them children

To eat.

Go on in there.

Yes, ma'am.

"Oh! Ow! Ow! I'm sorry.

I'm sorry."

Now, now y'all know that that

Was just a dream.

Yeah, but I could make it a

Reality.

Ooh, ooh.

Oh, miss ella, maybe this is

Just a phase.

Like when he thought he could

Wear skinny jeans.

No, no, no.

He's determined, just like the

Time he got that offer to be

Fire chief.

Oh, yeah.

I remember that.

Yes.

I know you excited about your

Little job opportunity, okay,

But I have to be honest, curtis.

I don't want to leave atlanta.

I like our home. I like this.

Wait. Wait.

Ella -- ella, you --

Ella, come on. Come on. This?

Come on, baby.

Atlanta, los angeles.

What's the difference, huh?

They both got a "L" and a "A" in

The name.

They both got bad traffic.

Curtis, listen, baby.

We haven't really even discussed

This, okay?

What about c.J. And the kids?

They can't go.

Curtis...

Okay.

What if we let c.J. Rent the

House?

I don't want to leave my

Friends and then the church and

The help center.

What?

The help center?

The help center?

I just don't know about this.

Ella, ella, ella, we can be

In sunny l.A., baby, walking on

The beach.

Or, curtis, we can just stay

Right here in hotlanta.

I'll walk you outside...

And choke you in the streets.

Baby, hmm?

I don't want to go.

But you didn't go to l.A.

But I agreed to go because it

Was the right thing to do.

Cool.

Hey, baby, hey, did you know

We had a sunroom?

Curtis, that is a crawl space

With a vent.

Baby, what you call a crawl

Space I call 500 extra square

Feet.

Okay. I have great news.

I have great news.

A couple from jonesboro saw your

House on-line, and I described

The inside to them, and they are

Very interested.

Yes...

Yes.

And they haven't even seen

The sunroom.

Well, listen.

Their agent is faxing me an

Offer, so I have to go to the

House and get it right now,

Okay?

Cool.

Come on, calvin. Let's go.

Come on.

I'll be back.

Okay. Wait a minute. Wait.

What does this mean?

What does this mean?

It means grab your good

Wig, baby.

We're moving to a deluxe

Apartment...

* in the sky

Give me the insight that I

Need to make the right decision.

God, I can't do it without you.

Help me.

You've always been there for us.

Psst.

You always continue to make a

Way out of no --

Psst.

Just, baby --

Curtis, you know you hear me

Praying.

I know, baby.

You ain't got to hang up.

Just put it on prayer waiting.

How you doing?

Can you ask the lord real quick

If he know where some more

Packing tape is and some extra

Boxes?

Curtis, this is serious,

Baby.

You know I believe in the power

Of prayer.

Play too much.

It is prayer that has helped us

And seen us through the hardest

Times, baby.

Yep.

Okay.

Dear heavenly father, we come to

You right now, god, and we ask

That you put a fiery hedge of

Protection around janine, and,

God, we cast out the spirit of

Addiction which is trying to

Control her life, and we ask you

Right now to bring her home

Safely in jesus' name.

Amen.

Amen.

I love you, nini.

[ sobbing ]

Amen.

Hold on. Hold on.

Don't get all high and mighty

Now, all super righteous.

Come on now.

You're not the only one calling.

I take it to the knees, too,

Okay?

He gave me a number to call,

Too.

Bow your heads.

The devil thought he had me, ah,

But I run.

Creator of heaven and earth, we

Come before you right now.

I'd like to call you, the

Deliverer of crackheads, right

Now.

Father, we want to thank y'all,

Thank y'all for chicken.

* thank god for chicken

* you gave 'em two legs, two

Thighs, two breafs, and two

Wings *

* a little hot sauce on them,

And I can hear that chicken

A-dancin' *

* offer up a sacrifice of

Praise *

* I'm gonna fry up to the --

Come on, everybody.

Join with me. Come on.

Lord, we want to thank you for

The food...

Mm-hmm.

...That we vow thee, we about

To receive it.

Yes.

Right now, I'd like to ask

You, since I got your attention,

If you don't mind, could you

Please remove the freeloaders

From my house?

When I open my eyes, they shall

Be goneth, and I believe that

This mountain will be removed,

And this I ask in your son

Jesus' name.

Amen.

Amen.

Lord!

Curtis!

Did you hear me?

Oh...

First, I want to say, we

Appreciate everybody coming on

This wonderful occasion,

Everybody, especially you,

Pastor richards.

So glad to have you here

Representing god.

You and ella, so we meet our

Quota, okay, and like the good

Book say --

What'd it say?

[ laughs ]

Don't ask him that.

I knew he was gonna ask me

That.

It say, "Send the child off

In the wilderness for 40 days,

And if he see his shadow..."

Curtis!

[ chuckles ]

It'll be winter for two more

Months.

Curtis...

Amen.

Okay, okay.

That's enough praying, okay?

It's time to get to the

Painting.

Baby, the painter is on his way.

He's gonna give us a estimate.

I think first thing I'm gonna

Have him start on are these old,

Raggedy door frames.

Okay, curtis, baby.

Right there.

You do know why those notches

Are in that door, right?

Yeah.

Everybody banging on them and

Stuff.

No, curtis.

No, no, no, silly.

Take a closer look.

What?

Oh.

Oh, you mean this?

Mm-hmm.

Calvin at two?

Mm-hmm.

Jazzy at 4, malik at 7, c.J.

At 28.

You did that.

You know what?

I almost forgot.

This is where we watched the

Kids grow up.

Outside of everybody else's

Memories, we have some precious

Memories in this house, too.

Our family may have been bent,

But we've never been broken.

[ chuckles ]

You right, baby.

You remember we used to play

Fireman and helpless lady?

I used to say, "Rescue me!

Rescue me! Rescue me!

Rescue me!"

I'm coming to rescue you.

Rescue me! Rescue me! Ha ha!

Uh, get a room.

Why take a trip when our love

Nest is right in the other room?

Ha ha ha! Ooh! Ha ha ha!

[ doorbell rings ]

Wait, wait.

Go away, man.

I'm helping ella get her

Groove back.

Curtis, please.

Curtis ready to get his

Groove back.

Ya ya ya ya ya yaah!

I am your tiger...

[ growls ]

And you are my prey.

Celebrate.

[ slow-tempo music plays ]

Oh.

Ha ha ha!

Ha ha ha!

Oh! Ha ha!

Ooh, that's what I'm saying.

Ha ha ha! Oh...

Can you believe it?

I made my decision.

All right, curtis.

We're staying.

What?

You heard me.

Curtis, don't play.

Come on.

Are you serious?

Please.

Ella, I'm very serious.

I thought about what you said,

Baby.

Oh...

You're right.

The house of payne is in better

Shape than ever.

Thank you, god.

Thank you, god.

Mwah.

Thank you, god.

Yeah, yeah, right.

Thank you, curtis, but thank

You, god.

Come on, baby.

Let's go make some more notches.

[ chuckles ] We'll stop her.

Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey,

We're not selling.

[ laughs ]

Oh, put calvin on the phone.

Baby -- calvin --

Baby...

I love you so much.

Thank you.

Come on, baby. Come on.

That's not it.

Okay, well, what about now?

[ beep ]

No. That's the food channel.

You hit popcorn.

Hit potato.

Baked potato?

There's only one potato on

The thing.

Curtis, curtis...

[ beep ]

Uh-oh.

That's not it. No.

This is a tiger being chased by

A flock of white chicks.

Is that a nature channel?

No.

It's the golf channel.

What's going on here?