Original subtitles

That is beautiful.

Oh.

[ sniffing ]

What's wrong, baby?

I think my nose is stopped

Up.

You feeling all right?

Yeah. I don't smell

Breakfast.

Oh.

What -- baby!

Curtis, that's because I did

Not make breakfast.

You didn't cook any

Breakfast?

No, no, not this morning.

But -- oh, silly. Oh, silly.

Oh, silly baby.

Curtis.

Wanted a little freaky deak.

[ chuckling ]

But, look, baby, look, I'm

Sorry about last night.

I apologize.

I was just drained, okay?

I'm drained after the game.

I was just tired.

God, I'm not superman.

Oh, well, baby.

Yes, I know. I know you're

Not superman, baby, okay?

Curtis, look. Unh-unh.

I did not cook breakfast, baby,

Because I'm getting everything

Together for miranda's baby

Shower, okay?

I don't have time for that.

[ grumbling ]

Not this morning.

You know what?

I don't understand that in the

First place.

Tell me something.

Why is it that women get baby

Showers, huh?

What's the big deal about that?

I've never understood that.

What are you talking about?

Women. You get baby showers

And gifts.

You don't even do nothing.

All you did was have the baby.

Phewt! There it is.

Oh.

Thump.

That's it?

Wipe up, that's it.

Wipe up?

Yeah. Men, we plant the

Seed.

Comes from here. Huh?

We don't get gifts.

What's that about?

Curtis, are you finished?

Yeah.

Are you finished?

For now.

Okay, but listen.

Giving you a gift is what gets

Us pregnant in the first place.

Hmm. Yeah, you said all that

The same way.

You know what?

[ babbling ]

You know what, curtis?

If you are that passionate about

It, then throw calvin a baby

Shower yourself.

Yeah.

That's what I'm gonna do.

Curtis, I'm joking.

That's what I'm -- no, no.

No, I'm joking.

A man shower!

That's what I'm gonna do, ella.

Curtis.

That's a great idea.

You know what?

It's for men, by men.

Curtis, curtis, wait a

Minute.

No. You can't come.

I don't want to come.

No women allowed.

Curtis, I don't want to be

There, but you know what, baby?

It sounds ridiculous.

Man shower. Go on.

Plan that for us.

You can do all that later.

Plan this one first, and when

You get through planning that,

Come on and give me my gift.

So, I was thinking, since we

Don't know whether it's gonna be

A boy or a girl, every

Decoration should be emerald

And yellow.

Okay.

Well, they're expecting a baby,

Not wizard of oz.

I was thinking more along the

Lines of white.

You know, because babies --

Because white is pure and babies

Are pure.

Have you ever smelled a baby?

Okay, look, I think I've

Found the gift bag for the

Guests.

Look.

Aren't the guests supposed

To give miranda gifts?

Why are guests getting gift

Bags?

It's a way of saying "Thank

You."

Thank you.

You could just use the words

"Thank you," and they don't cost

You nothing.

Okay, if you are going to

Give gift bags, they should be

Designer bags.

Says more.

Why don't you just get some

Grocery bags and write "Gift"

On them?

Ooh. Now why didn't I think

Of that?

Oh, yeah.

Because I have a brain.

Okay, sandra.

You're also slew-footed, but I

Didn't mention that, slew foot.

Curtis.

Okay, can we at least give

Prizes to the winners of the

Games?

Games. That's a good idea.

Games? Why do we have to

Play games?

Because we're trying to make

This fun.

Yes, got to have fun.

Got to have fun.

Look, it's gonna be great.

We can drink mimosas.

Beer. We'll drink beer.

Ooh. Punch.

More beer.

Never have too much.

We talk smack about men.

Oh, we can smack food out of

Each other's hands. Ha!

Man shower! Ha ha ha!

Oh, this is gonna be so much

Fun.

Okay, then it's settled.

Mint green and yellow for the

Decorations, no gift bags, girl

Talk and, uh, no games.

Ahem.

Okay, what just happened

Here?

What?

What just happened here?

Am I sure about it?

Am I sure about this?

Honey, it doesn't matter.

I am sure.

I know my daughter and I

Understand what she wants.

Except for calvin.

That one still puzzles me.

No, really.

What just happened here?

I mean, really?

Hey, look here.

Everybody duck down.

You know what to do.

Don't mess this up.

Everybody synchronize your

Watches.

What you all looking for?

Shh!

We're waiting for calvin.

Um --

Calvin.

Surprise!

[ indistinct talking ]

Whatever.

Pops, man, you didn't have to

Do all this.

Ha ha ha!

I told you we didn't.

Come on.

Y'all, put that stuff back.

Stop.

Put it back.

This ain't mine, but it look

Expensive.

Floyd, put it down.

Oh.

Yes, I did have to do this.

This is your man shower.

Yeah.

'cause you are the man.

Yay!

I need a drink.

Thank you, floyd.

Okay. Let me say something.

Hey, let me tell y'all.

C.J., you're gonna remember

This.

Do you remember when I caught

Him eating his mama's shoes?

[ laughter ]

No, no, you mean chew.

I chewed on it.

No, no, uh-uh.

You actually swallowed.

Swallowed a little piece.

And went back to eating.

[ laughter ]

That boy got "Sole."

Ha ha!

But look here.

Let me tell you something.

I have a special gift for

Calvin.

Special gift for the man of the

Hour.

The gift that keeps on giving.

Puzzle pieces?

Yep. That's for all them

Nights that you're gonna be on

The couch.

How's he gonna put this

Together when there's no

Picture?

Oh, you ain't gonna need no

Picture.

It's a crocodile.

No, no. That's the bridge.

Brother, look, just get the

Corners started first, the

Edges, and it'll all come

Together.

I got a better idea.

[ laughter ]

Start that one.

Put that together.

Hey, let me tell you

Something.

Fellas, I want to thank all you

Guys for coming, man.

And I'm gonna tell you

Something, when curtis payne

Throws a party, cream of the

Crop shows up.

Yeah!

Yo! Way to do.

Pookie in the house.

Peanut is, too. Hey!

Did I say crop? I meant crap.

Whaddup, mr. P., besides your

Cholesterol?

The crime rate, now that

You're here.

Oh, I see mr. P. Got them

Same jokes, huh?

Ha ha! I see you still got

Them warrants, huh?

Yeah, but they out of state.

I ain't worried about that.

Look, we came here for my man

Here.

Yeah, we came to see the

Food and crash this party.

Ha ha!

Hey.

Mmm, that's musty, just like

I like it.

Anybody want some?

No. No, playa.

You just go ahead.

That's all you.

You down on this?

No, that's yours,

Green lantern.

Mm-hmm.

Do I have to wear this?

Yes.

Absolutely not.

Now, you know, men don't stay

Excited after the baby gets

Here.

Oh, I'm not gonna have that

Problem with calvin.

He's a man, isn't he?

Claretha.

All men are not bad.

They are in my world.

Okay, bitter, party of one,

Your table is now available.

[ giggles ]

That was hilarious.

[ giggles ]

And who are you?

Oh, I -- I'm monica, a friend

Of janine's.

Yeah. Everybody, monica is

Going to be living with c.J.

And I.

She's, uh, living with you

And your husband?

Okay.

Yeah. I mean, just until she

Gets on her feet, and, I mean,

She's been really, really

Helping out.

Right.

Yeah.

You know, I think I hear

Calvin jr.

I'm gonna go get him.

What --

That's what my first husband

Said about his secretary.

She was just helping out.

But she helped him all right,

Right out of his drawers.

Look who I have.

[ knock on door ]

Hi, tracie. Come on in.

Here comes another one.

Hey. Hey, miss ella.

Hi, trace.

How you doing?

Good. How are you?

Good. What's going on?

It's a baby shower.

Tracie, tracie. Hi.

Mom, come meet tracie.

Hi. I've heard so much about

You.

Welcome.

Pleasure.

How's the little man?

There's your mommy.

Hello. Hello, baby boy.

How are you?

Come here, little man. Yeah.

How have you been?

How's mama's baby?

I'm better, you know.

Just one day at a time.

Okay. Calvin was gonna take

Him today, you know.

They're having a man shower.

[ chuckles ]

A what?

Mr. Payne insisted on having

Something for calvin, so all

The men are over at his house.

So, can I get you anything?

Um, you know what?

I'm okay, actually, and I do

Want to apologize for not

Calling.

I'm sorry.

I know I should have called, but

I just wanted to see him.

You can take him.

I'm gonna boogie.

And enjoy your shower, okay?

Okay.

Okay. Bye.

Bye-bye.

Say, "Bye-bye, mama."

Bye, miss ella.

Oh, bye, tracie.

Oh, you're leaving?

Yeah.

Oh. Okay.

Bye, guys. Have fun.

Bye.

Okay. All right, everybody.

It's time to play "Pin the

Diaper on the baby."

This is a classy shower, not

Bingo night at the lodge.

You know, I should have planned

This without your help.

Planned? You took over,

Sandra.

That's why the decorations look

Awful, and that's why there are

No gift bags for our guests.

No, no, janine.

That's why nobody is having fun,

Sandra.

Well, maybe your idea of fun

Is too old-fashioned to even

Know what fun is.

I mean, "Pin the diaper on the

Balloon"? Really?

Hey, you know what? Enough!

Enough! This is my baby shower.

Yeah, not grannies gone wild.

I cannot believe the two of

You.

Come on.

Both: see what you did!

Mm!

[ men clamoring and laughing ]

[ doorbell rings ]

Hey, sweetie.

What are you doing here?

Well, I heard that the guys

Were throwing you a man shower,

And I just wanted to say

Congratulations.

Thanks. Uh, look, tracie,

Right now isn't the best time.

Well, can I give you a gift,

Too?

You got me a gift?

I did.

You didn't have to give me a

Gift.

I know, but I wanted to.

Look, you have to leave now.

Calvin, don't be like that.

Be like what?

A man who's committed and

Faithful to his wife?

I know you are, and that's

What I like about you.

No, no, no.

That's not how it's supposed to

Go.

Well, calvin, what am I

Supposed to do, huh?

I'm still in love with you.

Okay, but I'm not in love

With you!

And you're supposed to remember

That what we had is over!

It left us with a beautiful son,

But that's it.

It doesn't change the fact that

I'm married now.

I'm married and I love my wife!

Hey. Tracie.

You're not supposed to be here.

This is a man shower.

No women allowed.

I know, mr. Payne.

I just came to get some stuff

Off my chest.

[ chuckles ]

Ooh, you a slick one.

Yeah, I know why you came.

You're trying to get my son to

Creep.

Mr. Payne, can calvin and I

Talk, please?

Oh, yeah. Of course you can.

Go and talk.

In private.

[ snickers ]

Private?

Yeah.

Oh, okay.

Well, this is my house, see?

Calvin has his own house.

Okay, well, when calvin is

Ready for me to leave...

He'll ask me --

Leave!

Wow.

So, I guess you heard that.

Get out of here!

Look, and if it's not about

Calvin jr., then I don't want to

See you or hear from you again.

Sure about that?

Positive.

All right.

All right, before you make this

Decision, you make sure that

You're not ringing a bell you

Can't unring.

Tracie, I don't want to

Unring it.

Goodbye.

All right.

Well, I guess it is the one

Thing that we managed to do

Together.

[ chuckles ]

I just hope miranda doesn't

Stay mad at me.

I don't know what gets into me

Sometimes.

It's just I'm determined to

Make this day special for her.

That's what I wanted, too.

I love miranda.

She is the best wife for calvin.

Really?

Yes.

Sandra, calvin was so unfocused.

And then, when he met miranda, I

Saw my baby boy become a man.

Thank you.

Oh.

So, you two are still here?

We couldn't leave, you know,

Without --

Cleaning up.

Oh, no, darling.

I know you can handle that.

Um, no, honey, I just wanted to

Apologize.

I mean, this is my first

Grandchild.

I wanted everything to be nice.

We are so sorry, miranda.

I know your hearts were in

The right place.

Well, baby, I will always be

There when you need me.

Me, too.

And I will even -- we will even

Work on this relationship,

Won't we?

Won't we?

Ma.

Well, we'd get along if she'd

Just remember that, you know,

I'm right.

[ scoffs ]

Really?

Usually. Ahem.

Really?

Yes, sometimes I am.

Enough, ladies. Mom.

To your corners.

[ men laughing ]

To calvin and his growing

Family.

Yeah!

Ha ha ha ha!

Look, now I remember the

First time I held my son,

Calvin jr., in my arms.

And you know what?

I'm really looking forward to

That feeling again.

P., our daddy never held us,

Man.

[ sobs ]

But, look, man, he showed us

How to hold up a liquor store.

Ha ha ha!

They're so funny.

They still think they got the

Same daddy.

[ laughter ]

Look, no more feelings, okay?

This is a man shower, okay?

We don't do feelings here.

We don't do feelings!

Yay!

Only thing we have feelings

For is booze, barbecue, and

Sports.

Yeah!

Sports!

Booze!

Sports.

Cookies.

When malik was born, I -- I

Cried.

C.J.!

There's no crying in man

Showers.

I did, unc.

No, you didn't.

Yes, I did.

Whoa, whoa, whoa.

No, you didn't.

Whoa, whoa. C.J., I relate

To you, man.

It's okay to relate to him.

We just don't talk about it.

This is a man shower, okay?

No feelings.

No feelings.

A son is a gift.

A great gift.

Okay, you want feelings?

I'll give you feelings.

Just let me say that I am

Proud...

[ exhales ]

...Of these two.

That's it.

You crying?

Unc, you crying!

[ laughter ]

He's crying.

Okay, that's it. That's it.

That ends the night, okay?

Ain't no crying going on.

Here's to the first man shower.

Ha ha ha!

Good stuff, good stuff.

Everybody gonna take your butts

Home, get out of my house.

And nobody's driving 'cause I'm

Gonna call cabs for everybody,

Okay?

So, hey, guys, thanks for coming

Out.

Good job.

But most important, calvin,

Congratulations.

Thanks, pop.

Proud of you, son.

Grandpa.

Ha ha ha! You watch your

Tongue.

Okay, come on, y'all.

Let's go. Oh, god.

Did it hurt?

Uh, I think I better call

The cabs.

Yeah.

I think I better go on to

The bathroom 'cause that was

Funny.

Yeah, I got a weak bladder.

I'm right behind you.

Yeah.

Oh. So cute.

Hey, baby.

Oh, look at all of the great

Gifts we got.

Oh, I put most of them up

Already.

How was the boy bath?

It was a man shower.

Oh, that sounds so much

Better.

[ chuckles ]

So, how was it?

Were you the first to cry?

No. C.J. Cried first.

Oh.

But anyway, that's not

Important.

Baby, I have something I need to

Tell you.

Hmm.

Tracie tried to kiss me.

What?

Well, she kissed me and I-I

Did not kiss her back.

Okay, you know what, calvin?

I am not going to do this again.

No -- no, you don't have to,

Baby.

I-I don't want her, and I'm

Telling you this because I don't

Want any secrets in our

Relationship.

I love you.

You know what?

That chick just does not get it.

And as soon as she brings

Calvin jr. Back here --

Wait, wait, wait.

Calvin jr.'s not here?

Yes, tracie came to get him

Earlier today, and had I known

What I know now --

Wait, wait, wait.

Tracie, when are you bringing

Calvin jr. Back?

It's past his bedtime and we

Have him on a -- what?

Well, no, no. You can't do that.

Well, he's my son, too!

H-hello? Hello?

What? Wait, wait, wait.

No, no, no.

Baby, what did she say?

She says she's not bringing

Him back and I'll never see him

Again.

[ sighs ]