Original subtitles

Calvin?

Calvin?

Calvin!

Calvin, you're supposed to be

Helping me clean the garage.

Calvin?

Okay, you want to play like

That?

Well, I guess it's tee time.

Ah. Here we are.

We're at the lazy son country

Club.

This shot requires a little

Care, huh?

If he hits it too soft, he won't

Even get close.

If he hits it too hard, calvin

Could lose a few teeth.

Let's watch. Fore!

Curtis!

I knew it.

I knew it was too quiet.

What?

Baby, what are you doing?

What are you doing?

What? Checking my club.

Calvin, get up. Oh!

What -- what happened?

Give me that.

Stop trying to use me for

Putting practice.

What?

That's your mama, ella woods.

Curtis.

Calvin, you fell asleep?

I guess so.

I am so sorry.

Ever since calvin has been

Working these two jobs, he can

Barely keep his eyes open.

I mean, yesterday, he almost

Fell asleep when we were

Making --

Eh-eh-eh-eh!

This is a public golf course,

Thank you.

Making breakfast, mr. Payne.

He almost burned himself.

See there?

I told calvin this was gonna be

Too much.

Bringing in a few extra dollars,

Curtis, is not worth his health.

'cause you cannot spend money

When you're dead.

True.

You know what?

You and calvin really need to

Make sure you get your will

Together...And spell my name

Right -- "C" to the "U" to the

"R" to the "I" to the "S".

Calvin. Baby, wake up!

"T."

Calvin?

Calvin, baby, come on.

Well, looks like we're

Playing through.

No, no, no, no, no, no!

Fore!

Curtis!

Curtis!

[ siren wails, horn honks ]

Hey, baby?

Hmm?

There's two pieces of salami

In the fridge.

Can you make me a sandwich

Before I go?

Um...

How about something else?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

And that bag of chips.

Chips?

And that grape soda.

Oh, grape soda?

Um...

Baby, about that sandwich...

You -- you ate the last of

The salami?

Mmm. Mmm.

That would have been good, too.

Baby, I'm sorry.

I'm eating for two.

Well, I'm eating for one

Person with two jobs.

Okay.

How about I make you a pb&j?

Okay, fine.

Mm. Mm.

Uh, oh. Um, change of plans.

How about I just make you a

P.B.?

Okay. P.B. That'll work.

Um, about that whole sandwich

Part...

We don't have any bread.

What do we have?

Okay.

We have baby food.

We have...A ketchup packet?

[ smacks lips ]

We have, uh, a jar of fish

Grease and some broken dreams.

Well, can you put some

Mustard on them dreams?

Well, we're out of mustard.

Baby, why didn't you go

Grocery shopping, baby?

Well, because when you go

Grocery shopping and you check

Out, they ask for money.

Okay, fine.

I get paid tonight.

I'll -- I'll make a deposit.

How much is in the bank account?

How much is your check?

Around $280.

[ clicks tongue ]

About $265.

Overdraft fees, baby. Overdraft.

[ sighs ]

I think it's time we just asked

Your parents for help.

No, no.

I'm a grown man, and I'll handle

My problems just like any other

Grown man...

Ignore them.

Beautiful.

Okay, okay, okay.

Everybody be quiet. Be quiet.

Janine's interview is coming

Back on.

I'm so proud of you, baby.

Thank you.

Instrumental plays ][

So, a scandal like this could

Potentially rock the atlanta

Fire department.

You know, it's important for

People to recognize that

Maxine bannon's behavior was in

No way a reflection on the

Hardworking men and women of

The atlanta fire department.

That's my baby right there.

Ha ha ha ha!

So, mrs. Payne, what you're

Saying is, is that you're hoping

That this won't reflect

Negatively on the fire

Department in any way.

I mean, these people put

Their lives on the line day in

And day out, so, yes, we -- we

Are definitely hoping that that

Is the case.

Doing good.

Thank you.

[ chuckles ]

Yes, okay, so --

Hey -- hey, ella! Hey, baby.

How you doing?

Hey, baby.

Curtis?

Uh, yeah, I'm -- I'm the

Ex-fire chief, former fire chief

Of the beautiful city of

Atlanta.

I was a-a public servant.

So, obviously, we have

Someone joining us who claims to

Know about the corruption.

Oh, not claiming.

I know about it, baby.

I'm the mastermind behind the

Operation "Catch a skank."

* da-da-da-da

Okay, and this interview has

Just been concluded.

Y'all could put music right

There.

So one more second before

We go.

Is there anything else you'd

Like to add?

Uh, yes, I would.

Remember, kids, uh, it's --

Skanks come in all forms, and

They're very dangerous.

Oh, my god.

It could be your aunt.

It could be your sister.

It's a lot of y'all mamas.

[ laughs ]

I know you wouldn't know...

Curtis!

But they can strike at any

Time, and that's just something

You need to know about skanks.

I-I think this interview is

Over.

It's a wrap!

Thank you.

Yeah, it's a wrap.

Please tell me you didn't.

Just tell me that that is not

You.

Yes, it is.

He took over the entire

Interview.

You know what?

I hope they edit you out,

Because that is so rude.

This was live television.

That means people are gonna see

It next week.

What happened to "Low

Profile"?

That is just embarrassing.

No, that's called a p.S.A. --

A payne service announcement.

Janine, I am so sorry, but

Leave it to...Curtis payne to

Steal somebody's 15 minutes' of

Fame.

Baby!

Baby, please.

She got about six minutes left.

Well, I'm proud of you, baby.

You did your thing with that

Media.

Thank you.

And I'm not surprised that

The fire department made you

Assistant public-relations

Director.

Huh. I am.

Uncle curtis, janine can find

The positive in any situation.

Please.

Find the positive in me being

Fired after 32 years of service.

Okay. All right.

Um, early-retirement programs

Ensure the longevity of the

Department and create additional

Funding to better serve the

Community.

Bam! That's my baby.

Public-relations guru.

Look, they stabbed me in the

Back.

No. No, no, no.

They implemented incentives for

You to explore other career

Opportunities.

Explore other career

Opportunities.

She cold. She cold.

How about they humiliated me

At my retirement roast?

No, no.

That was a celebration of an

Illustrious career.

What else you got?

So?

Come on. Come on, curtis.

Ha!

Curtis.

She can't pass a drug test.

[ coughs ]

[ laughs ]

[ both singing indistinctly ]

Game over!

I'm gonna get something to

Drink.

Uh-oh. Now she's drinking.

Tea!

[ laughs ]

You hit below the belt.

[ both laugh ]

That was...

Hey.

Are you laughing?

No, no. It was low.

Yes, he is.

If the pipe fits, smoke it.

[ laughter ]

That's your husband laughing

Right there.

I was -- he caught me off

Guard.

Hi.

Hi, there, baby.

Hi, there, baby mama.

Listen, I brought you some

Leftovers.

Oh, thank you. Leftovers.

You're welcome.

Oh, this place looks lived in.

I know, ms. Ella.

Please excuse the mess.

I am so tired of cleaning up

After that boy.

Oh, please.

Toddlers can be a handful.

Uh, I'm talking about his

Daddy.

Calvin can be a handful, too.

Uh, miranda, are you gonna eat

All the food?

Oh, I'm sorry.

Did you want some?

No. [ chuckles ]

I'm just so hungry, ms. Ella.

[ laughs ]

Well, baby, let me -- look, I

Can cook you a few meals if you

Don't mind me going into your

Refrigerator.

And you have nothing in your

Refrigerator.

There's ketchup, baby food,

And...

Is that fish grease?

Calvin's gonna bring some,

Um, some food home on his way

Home from work.

He's gonna go to the grocery

Store.

Oh, okay, then I will call

Him and give him a little list

Of things that I want to

Prepare.

Uh, uh, um...

That way, he pick it up for

Me.

Miranda, there's no dial tone.

Yeah, um, you know, we just

Use cellphones around here.

There's really no use in having,

You know, three lines.

Okay, miranda, is everything

Okay?

You know, do you and calvin need

Some help?

No, miss --

Miranda, listen to me.

Listen.

Miranda, if you do not eat, then

Your baby does not eat.

Ms. Ella, we're fine.

Right.

That's why you're tearing that

Chicken up.

[ cellphone rings ]

Wait a minute.

Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.

Hello? Hello?

Oh, wait. Wait. One moment.

Oh.

Oh, thank you. Hey, baby!

No, no, no.

I'm just here with your mom

Having a bite to eat.

Oh, it's good.

What?

O-okay, baby, I'm -- I'm on my

Way, okay?

Ms. Ella, I got to go.

Miranda, calm --

Wait. No, no, no, no.

Junior -- I mean calvin -- you

Have to get -- but I-I can't

Drive.

Miranda.

Huh?

Calm down, okay?

What is it? What is going on?

Calvin has gotten in an

Accident at work and he is at

The emergency room and I have

To go now.

Okay, well -- okay, listen,

If he called, then he's okay.

Calm down, now.

I'll get calvin jr. And I will

Take you to the hospital.

Push it open. There you go.

That's how you do that.

[ grunts ]

Here we go. Ugh.

Just -- just sit down, baby,

And take the weight off your

Ankle, okay?

All right.

You got it? Sit. Sit.

Now put it right up here.

Okay.

Ow, ow, ow.

You -- you grabbing it wrong.

It's okay.

Now, tell me and your son

Again how you sprained your

Ankle at a job where you sit

Down all day.

I told you -- I stepped in a

Pothole.

In a pothole doing what,

Calvin?

Curtis, he told you --

Chasing a truck.

You know, I think it's crazy

That they let you chase

Dangerous criminals with a

Whistle and a flashlight.

I ain't got no whistle.

What am I gonna do with a

Whistle?

I don't know.

Is that chicken?

Can I have some?

Maybe you could whistle for

Help.

How about that, starsky and

Crutch?

Curtis, please.

Let's just all be grateful that

He didn't get shot.

Is that good?

So, how much stuff did they

Get away with?

Oh, not that much.

Just -- just a couple pieces of

Equipment.

Oh, some, like shovels,

Hammers, that sort of thing?

No, more like dump trucks and

S-stuff like that.

[ as calvin jr. ] Where the

Hell was you, daddy, when they

Was robbing the place?

[ normal voice ] Don't you say

That to your daddy.

That's your father.

I-I was manning my station.

Calvin, didn't the alarms go

Off?

Yeah. That's what woke me up.

[ as calvin jr. ] Daddy, you

Was sleeping through the

Robbery?

[ normal voice ] I told you

Don't do that to him.

No, just the first part.

The second part was high

Pursuit.

Is that when the pothole took

You out?

Look, anyway, the doctor said

I have to stay off my ankle for

The next two weeks.

I know.

That's some crazy stuff, ain't

It?

He -- he gonna stay off his

Ankle.

Well, you do that.

I'm gonna go sell this story to

"America's dumbest security

Guards."

No, no, no, curtis.

Wait, baby.

Hey there, big boy.

Hey -- curtis, you need to stay

Here, baby.

I have a midterm later today.

[ cries ]

Oh, no, we're fine.

We'll manage.

Ugh. See, baby? They're fine.

And I got to go to the house.

I got stuff I got to do.

Curtis, calvin is hurt, she

Is due any minute, and this baby

Cannot help them.

They need some help.

Everybody, bow your heads.

Pray.

Now, bow your head,

Little junior.

Father god, right now we come to

You.

We ask in your name that you

Will bless this family.

Make them safe in his name.

And it is done. Look at that.

They got halos on their heads.

Fine, curtis.

Then calvin, miranda, and calvin

Jr. Are gonna come home with me

To your house.

Both: no!

You know, I hate it when you

Do this.

I really hate this.

[ babbles ]

I know.

It gets worse when you get

Older.

I'm gonna stay.

I'm gonna stay, but I'm telling

You right now -- I don't do

Diapers, I don't do bedpans, and

I don't do c-sections.

And I get to hold the remote.

Where's it at?

Oh!

Curtis!

Ow!

Oh, you got to be kidding me.

Indistinct shouting ][

Oh, my -- you lowdown heifer.

Are you out of your mind?

This girl got to be out of her

Mind.

Mm, mm, mm!

Now, where is everybody?

I'm about to miss my bus.

Hey, ms. Wilhelmina.

What's going on?

This heifer thinks she's

Engaged to big poppa.

Everybody in atlanta know

Big poppa is married with kids.

I should snatch her wig off

My-damn-self.

Why would anybody --

Wait, wait, wait, wait.

What's going on here?

What's going on in this house?

Oh, nothing.

Can I have my check?

Ms. Wilhelmina.

Fine.

Twins are napping.

Malik did his homework, and he's

Over at kevin's house.

Can I have my check?

Yes, ms. Wilhelmina.

Make me miss my bus.

One more thing -- your husband

Is gonna be mad at you when he

Gets home.

Why?

Didn't you forget something?

I've got your check right

Here.

Janine, you forgot to pick up

Jazmine.

That and my check.

She was at the bus stop.

Oh, jazzy, baby, I'm so

Sorry.

I forgot.

No, no, no. No, no, no.

It's okay, mom.

I could've taken the lithonia

118 bus to the 323, jumped on

The west line and been home...In

Only 3 hours.

You should take some of those

Memory pills I take.

What are those things called?

And where did I put them?

Ms. Wilhelmina?

One-legged larry said holler at

Him.

Who?

Oh, yeah, and he also said he

Wanted his 20 bucks.

Don't know no one-legged

Larry.

I don't have no money for him.

Um, we'll -- we'll discuss

That later.

Jazzy, why don't you go get

Washed up for dinner?

Okay? I'm sorry.

It's all right.

Mommy loves you.

Love you, too, mommy.

[ clears throat ]

Janine, baby, I mean, is --

Is this what it's gonna be?

What you gonna forget next?

The twins' doctors appointment?

No. I already feel bad

Enough.

This was a one-time thing.

Can you cut me a little slack

Here?

You know how hard I've been

Working at the new job, and I --

I think that might be the

Problem.

What are you trying to say?

Well, maybe that this new

Position isn't really gonna work

Out.

Maybe you should help out a

Little bit more.

I just picked up the daughter

That you left outside.

What else do you want me to do?

I don't know.

Maybe you could be a little bit

More supportive.

I mean, what happened to the guy

That was here behind my back

Yesterday?

We might just need to talk

About the job.

Or we might not, because if

You want to talk about me

Quitting, there's nothing to

Talk about, because I'm not

Quitting my job.

Pop, are you okay back there?

It doesn't take that long to

Change a diaper, you know.

Aah!

Ugh!

Goodness gracious!

[ exhales deeply ]

This baby is not human.

He's part baby, part horse.

Ooh, stinky, stinky.

Stinky, stinky!

Mr. Payne!

Stinky, stinky.

Hey, pop, can you help me?

I got to go to the bathroom.

Please.

I just barely changed him.

I'm definitely not gonna help

You change ever again in life --

Trust me.

Miranda, you up.

Aah! Aah!

Oh, oh, oh.

[ sighs ]

It's painful.

I'm sorry, baby.

Well, look, just rock back

And forth, okay?

Rock and get up.

It ain't that hard.

Listen, I'll help you, baby.

I'll help you, okay?

All right, go like this --

Ow, ow, ow, ow!

Not like that, not like that.

Oh, that's great.

Now the blimp's gonna help the

Gimp.

I'm not a blimp.

All right, come on, here we go.

Here we go. Here we go.

Aah, aah, aah, aah!

This is so pathetic.

Look, baby -- calvin jr., go

Over there and teach your mom

And daddy how to walk.

You gonna do it?

[ knock on door ]

Go ahead, pops.

Lean with it, rock with it.

[ both laugh ]

Yes, mr. Payne, you can do

It!

Calvin jr., help your granddaddy

Figure out how to get up out the

Chair.

[ exhales deeply ]

Here, just smack her real quick.

Aww, my baby.

Open the door. Open the door.

There we go.

Oh, that's a smart baby right

There, boy.

Look at that, who that is!

Hi, big boy. Hi, baby!

Look at this.

You not gonna smile at me?

You're not gonna give me a

Smile?

Nothing? How you doing?

I'm fine.

What are you doing?

Sitting here watching a new

Show -- "So you think you can

Stand."

How my baby?

I'm trying to go to the

Bathroom, and pops won't help

Me.

Curtis, you are supposed to

Be helping them!

That's it. Come on.

Miranda, calvin, you going over

To our house.

You'll move in with us.

Both: no!

Yes.

No!

You cannot stay here and help

Yourselves.

No, I would rather lie here

Unconscious than have pops help

Me.

Papa.

Ha! You heard that!

You heard what he said.

No, he on my side.

He just said it.

He on my side.

You know what?

You are a wonderful granddad,

But you suck as a nurse.

[ gasps ]

Aah. Did you hear that?

Oh, I know what we're gonna do.

What we gonna do?

[ babbles ]

You want to do what we said

We was gonna do?

Say, "No, no, no, no."

We already planned it.

We going to my house and we

Gonna watch my tv.

We gonna watch my cable.

Ain't that right?

No.

Come on, let's go, calvin jr.

The kid stays here.

They said I can't take you

With me.

I can take you, can't I?

He said I could take him.

Try and stop me.

No, give me my baby back.

Ow, ow, ow, ow.

Oh, are you okay, baby?

Aah! Ow, ow.

You just stood up.

It hurt.

It don't hurt.

Voilà, you're cured.

My work here is done.

But --

Baby, I'll see you later.

Anybody hungry?

Both: me!

Help grandmommy.

Come on, help your grandmommy.

This way.

Go, right there.

Come here to grandmommy.

See? Right here.

[ clicks tongue ]

Come on. Come on.

The big boy, the big boy.

So, what happens when your

Mama forgets to pick you up

Again?

Uh...Take the 412 to

Glenwood and then take the 112

To decatur.

Unless juicy's driving.

His bus is always 12 minutes

Late.

Don't talk to the man selling

Bean pies because...

Those are not beans.

There you go.

And what do you ask your mama

Next friday if I'm busy?

"Where is ms. Wilhelmina's

Check?!"

[ chuckles ] Good girl!

[ both laugh ]