Original subtitles

Okay. You got it?

Hey.

Thanks for the picnic basket,

Aunt ella.

I need to borrow it.

We've been wanting to go on a

Romantic picnic for months.

No problem.

You want to stay for breakfast?

Thanks for the offer, but I

Am sure that uncle curtis is

About to throw me out right

About...Now.

Okay, you can stay as long as

You want.

I don't care.

Don't tempt me, uncle curtis.

I'll stay here all day in your

House, eating your food that you

Paid for.

Love what you've done with

Uncle curtis.

C.J., something is really

Wrong.

No, no, no, no, no, no.

Leave him like he is.

He's great just like that.

Would you be serious, c.J.?

I'm really worried about him.

Nothing makes him happy.

He just sits around and just

Mopes.

He's not even reacting to

Anything.

Not reacting to anything?

Nothing.

I'll see about that.

What are you gonna do?

Ha ha.

Uncle curtis!

Look at this.

It's uncle curtis' last beer.

Bet you didn't know this was

Your last beer.

I saw it in there, and I said,

"Hey, I know it's early, but I

Think I should drink

Uncle curtis' last beer."

I don't care.

See?

Hey, unc, I bet you didn't

Know that russian gymnastics was

On.

Fine. Whatever.

Hey.

How about your favorite -- a

Chick-flick marathon?

I don't care.

12 hours of estrogen and

Sensitivity.

I can't believe she did that to

Him.

I don't care.

See? Nothing affects him.

I know what will affect him.

I know what'll affect him.

Uncle curtis, can't see the tv,

Man.

Mind if I sit in your chair?

Uncle.

Uncle curtis.

I'm jumping up and down in your

Chair, man.

I'm gonna jump up and down in

It.

He is sick.

You need to get him some help.

Oh.

Ew.

I can't believe -- why'd you

Drag me down here, ella?

Because, curtis, you weren't

Doing anything at home, and

Maybe here, baby, maybe you can

Make yourself useful.

I was being useful.

I was getting used to doing

Nothing at home.

Curtis, maybe you can just

Sort through these clothes,

Okay?

We need them all tagged by the

End of the day.

You can do that.

Are you -- I am not about to

Stand here and sort no doggone

Clothes, ella.

Baby, here's a chair.

Sit down and do it.

Oh, you funny.

You real funny.

What I need is some gloves,

Baby.

I ain't touching these used

Clothes without no gloves.

Clarence, could you help?

Certainly.

Maybe I can find some gloves in

Here somewhere.

Yeah, but then I'll need a

Pair of gloves to pick up those

Gloves.

Well, maybe I can find the

Gloves to pick up the gloves you

Need to pick up the gloves.

Well, I'll still need a pair

Of gloves to pick up the gloves

You picked up to pick up the

Gloves I need to pick up the

Gloves.

[ laughs ]

I can do this all day!

Clarence sanderson.

Curtis payne.

Yeah, the payne man.

[ laughs ]

Yeah. I see your wife drug

You down here to do this, too.

Now, now, no.

I, uh -- this is on my own.

What?!

Mm-hmm.

Well, then, man, get out

While ain't nobody looking.

[ laughs ]

He's up in here with this

Mess.

Yeah.

How are things going over

Here?

Fine, fine.

We're doing fine, thank you.

Good.

Curtis, I'm watching you.

And I'm watching you, too.

I'm watching you.

Oh, come on.

It's not so bad, man.

All you got to do is sort it

With the "Yes" pile and put

These with the "Maybe" pile

And --

Where's the "Hell, no" pile?

Where that pile at?

Ha! I like you.

I'm gonna put it over here.

What, did that slip?

That slipped out of my hand.

Curtis.

Don't touch it, baby.

It stinks.

Okay, I'm helping.

I'm helping, okay?

I don't know how you do this,

Man.

Do what?

Man, I ain't got nothing

Against the homeless, you know.

We all been down on our luck,

You know what I'm saying?

Yeah.

But...I mean, most of 'em are

Crazy anyway.

You think?

Oh, I know.

I know. I read stuff.

Really?

Yeah.

You know, I mean, come on.

Must of 'em want to be on the

Street.

That's what I hear.

Oh, yeah.

You know, I've heard about that

Argument.

Beat ya.

Yeah. You don't have to read a

Paper to know that, though.

I mean, I was out there with

'em.

I was in the trenches with --

Get out.

Yeah. I used to be a fireman.

Get out of here.

Yeah, I was fire chief.

Whoa. Yeah?

Yeah. Man, I saw people live

All kind of ways.

Yeah.

All kind of crazy ways.

I mean, some of the stuff I saw

Was just...Very sad.

Yeah. I could imagine. Yeah.

I mean, like, pathetic.

Yeah, yeah.

Watch out. Watch out.

Watch out for my shot.

Watch out.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!

Whoa. Hold on, there.

Hold on, there.

Oh, no.

That's the "Hell, no" pile.

No, no. That's my jacket.

Thank you.

You see, curtis, I'm one of

Those crazy, pathetic, sad,

Homeless folks!

What's the matter?

Why are you worrying about?

Floyd?

Excuse me.

What?

Fl--

Y'all cable good, right?

Yes, our cable is fine.

Whew! I thought I was gonna

Actually have to pay my bill

This month.

[ doorbell rings ]

Somebody gonna get the door?

Floyd, what are you doing?

"Matchword '76" is on right

Now.

Hey, hey.

Ahem.

Oh.

[ both chuckle ]

Hey!

Hi.

Sorry, cuz.

We just had a long, romantic

Walk in the park.

What's all this?

Is that right?

We're about to have a long,

Romantic walk in the park

Ourselves.

Yeah. You know, it makes us a

Little lovey.

No, no. We don't know.

You know, we'd like to know, and

We just can't seem to get there

To find out.

Shh!

You know what?

You know what, c.J.?

Let's just forget it.

He needs a nap.

No.

He's gonna need a nap soon.

Jazi will be home from school.

Let's just cancel.

Baby, that's how we're gonna

Be.

Nuh-unh.

Will you two cut it out?

Get a room.

Testy.

Somebody needs a vacation.

I know.

Baby, we just need to go get a

Room for the weekend.

Calvin and miranda can watch the

Kids.

I got a little place in the

Mountains.

How you get a place in the

Mountains?

Family feud.

You were on a game show?

No. I wrestled my sister

Bernice for it.

But, look -- hey, it's a

One-bedroom.

You can have it if you want it.

Yeah, sounds perfect.

What are y'all, twins?

You said you would watch the

Kids.

He said it's a free place.

Miranda and I can afford that.

We're going.

Unh-unh, buddy. Back off.

The place is ours. Thanks.

[ laughs ] Wait a minute.

I'm pregnant.

Floyd, you wouldn't

Disappoint a pregnant woman,

Would you?

Oh, oh...

That is so low.

...You gonna use the

Pregnancy?

What?

Ha!

My wife has post-partum

Depression.

Yeah.

Show 'em you sad face, baby.

[ laughs ]

Look at that. Priceless.

Your hormones don't have

Anything on my hormones.

My hormone is in my hand.

What you want?

Exactly.

Ha ha! Ah, this is right!

This is right!

Yes, yes, yes. I figured it out.

You know, look -- I can't decide

Right now, but you know what

We're gonna do?

Everybody meet me back here at

8:00.

We're gonna settle this the

Old-fashioned way.

What, a showdown?

Close. A game showdown.

Yeah.

You know, we got a meeting

Here tonight, uh, at 7:30 -- a

Men's group.

Yeah, we sit around, talk about

Things -- you know, how our

Lives are going, that sort of

Thing, you know?

Just...It's a support group.

And we'd sure love to have --

Eee!

You can put the brakes on it,

Clarence, okay?

I don't need any support.

How do you know?

'cause last time I checked

The wimp gauge, it registered,

"Grown-ass man."

Oh.

That's me.

Oh, okay.

Would you please get out the

Way?

You know, there really is no

Shame in asking for help.

No. The shame...

People are so rude.

Yeah, don't mind him.

He's looking for a home.

The shame is in getting it,

Okay?

Look, it's easy for you, all

Right?

You're homeless.

Oh, you noticed.

Back in the days...

Yeah?

...It was a lot easier back

Then 'cause you were just bums,

Right?

Yeah, life can, um, be hard

Sometimes.

[ sighs ]

Look, life throws you curves

Every now and then, don't it?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

All right.

Well, then, if you hit a speed

Bump...

Vroom! Vroom!

[ imitates engine revving ]

Huh? Vroom! Vroom! Vroom! Vroom!

...You strap it on a little

Tighter.

Uh-huh, uh-huh.

And you go a little faster,

That's all.

Tell me something.

You ever hit a speed bump?

A little one.

Uh-huh.

We named him calvin. Ha ha!

Calvin?

Calvin. That's my son.

Oh. Oh, I see.

A little speed bump.

I see.

Forget it.

And I'm newly retired, so

That's -- that's been strange.

You're pretty young to be

Retired, aren't you?

Yeah, well...

It wasn't my idea.

So...How you handling

Retirement?

You tell me.

This is it.

Well, I mean, retirement's

Nothing you handle.

It's not an egg.

Mm-hmm.

I mean, retirement is...

It's meant to be enjoyed...

I thought.

Like an egg.

So, I guess it is like an egg.

How are you enjoying the egg?

I'm settling into it.

Let's say that.

Here. I got this for you.

Here.

What's this?

Depression?

I'm sorry, clarence.

You're homeless and depressed?

I'm sorry.

I made a mistake.

I thought you were depressed.

Wha--

Did he just call me "Depressed"?

Excuse me. Excuse me.

Yeah?

Okay, look, I didn't come all

The way down here from my house

For some homeless guy to

Diagnose me, you heard?

Okay, and there's nothing wrong

With me, okay?

So, all your little bitty words

And all that, you can do what

I -- there's nothing wrong with

Me.

You hear that?!

There's nothing wrong with --

[ sighs ]

I'll see you tonight at 8:00,

Curtis.

Where's floyd anyway?

He told us to be here at 8:00.

Oh, don't worry. He's here.

Maestro, if you will.

Here's floyd!

* oh, my lord, it's floyd

* oh, my lord, it's floyd

Oh, thank you.

Thank you. Thank you.

Welcome to another rousing game

Of "Check your mate."

[ laughs ]

This is the game where we really

See how compatible couples are

While trying to win cash and

Prizes.

[ laughs ]

Now, with every good game-show

Host, you have a wonderful

Assistant.

Please welcome vannaniqua black.

[ laughs ]

Isn't she gorgeous?

Who is this?

How'd she get in here?

Yes, through the window.

That's my man's sister.

All right.

Okay, well, look -- you two, you

Stand over here.

Come on.

Get up, get up, get up, kids.

And, you two, you stand over

Here.

Come on, get up, get up.

We'll see how these couples

Really do know each other.

And I'm gonna get your buzzer --

I said, "Buzzers," not "Buzz."

It's hard to find good help

These days.

Take that, please.

Thank you so much.

Take that.

All right.

And you answer with the buzzer,

Okay?

Now, our first question -- c.J.,

Let me ask you something.

In the event that a video vixen

Was to ask your sorry behind out

To lunch for some strange reason

And then all of a sudden she

Wanted to, after lunch, take you

Home, do all kinds of crazy

Things to you, what would you

Do?

What kind of question is --

Ah, ah, ah!

That's an easy one.

Buzzer, buzzer.

That's an easy question.

Answer it, babe -- buzzer.

[ buzzer dings ]

I would just go to lunch.

[ laughter ]

Good answer, c.J.

That's 7 floyd points for the

Paynes.

7 points?

No, not good.

That's 7 points.

Not a good answer, c.J.

7 points.

Yeah, uh-huh.

I guess you don't know each

Other as well as you thought,

Huh?

Right.

[ laughs ]

All right, this next question is

Gonna go to miranda!

Let's give her a hand, give her

A hand, give her a hand.

Yes, yes, yes.

Thank you, thank you.

Now, miranda...

Mm-hmm?

...If you were to kill

Calvin, what would be your

Weapon of choice?

[ buzzer dings ]

That's easy.

It would be a, um --

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!

Why you answering so quickly?

You thought about this?

Well, baby, not seriously, of

Course.

Watch your back.

[ laughs ]

It is good to be prepared,

Though, calvin.

[ chuckles ]

Plus you know he's on the shady

Side anyway.

5 floyd points for them!

5 points.

Floyd, hold on, hold on,

Hold on.

Why did they get 7?

Uh, because she's

Light-skinned.

Oh, no, no, no, no.

You know I don't play that,

Floyd.

What?

Don't let me hurt him today.

Oh, wait.

Stop being such a sore loser.

Just play the next game.

Hey, look, go back over

There.

Let's go. Come on.

We're winning, baby.

The more she sips, the less

Points you get?

And there's nothing wrong with

That.

But eventually you're gonna have

To talk about the pain, curtis.

Let it go, man.

Okay. All right.

So, lately I have been a little

Worried.

I mean, I got a lot of people...

Worried about my future, okay?

People depend on me, and, uh,

I...

Go on. You're doing good.

Go on. Go on. Go on.

You just don't expect it.

Huh?

I mean, I'm starting over.

I'm in my 50s.

Yeah, sometimes I want to talk

To somebody -- yeah, you know?

[ sighs ]

Sometimes I just feel like

Nobody understands.

You know?

Whew.

I guess, clarence, for the first

Time in my life...

I'm scared.

Well, we all get a little

Scared.

I'm terrified.

You know, for us men,

Sometimes it's kind of hard to

Find someplace to get help.

But there are places -- doctors,

Counselors, groups like this.

Yeah.

You got to talk.

You got to talk it out.

Yeah. It feels -- it feels

Better.

Yeah! [ laughs ]

Whew! Who'd have ever

Thought...That a dude living in

A cardboard box could help me?

[ laughs ] Yeah.

Curtis...

Yeah?

...I don't live in a

Cardboard box.

I'm sorry, man.

I live under the bridge.

[ laughs ]

Go on home, man.

Go on.

Go home, man.

Talk to your wife. Go ahead.

You know, I can talk to ellie

Tonight.

If you don't mind, I'd -- I'd

Like to stay for the rest of the

Meeting and, you know, just be

Here for everybody.

Okay. Last question.

Finally!

Okay, let your spouse

Complete this classic love poem.

Humpty-dumpty sat on a wall.

Oh!

Humpty-dumpty had a great --

Floyd?

Mm?

Will you just add up the

Points?

Can you please just tell us

Who won the cabin, please?

Yeah, I need to know soon so

I can get a bullet-proof vest,

Right, trigger finger?

Oh-ho.

Okay, let's go to the cards.

Vannaniqua, let's -- just --

Could you add up -- mm.

Wow.

[ inhales, exhales sharply ]

Okay, wait.

So, you mean you don't know who

Won?

But you know what?

As a parting, loving gift, I'm

Gonna let all of you go.

How, floyd?

It's a one-bedroom cabin.

No, baby.

It's a 3-bedroom with a hot tub.

I would not wrestle my sister

For a doggone one-bedroom.

Floyd, why didn't you tell us

That in the first place?

'cause I wanted to play

Game-show host.

Oh, you wanted to play

Game-show host?

Yeah!

Okay, I'm about to put you in

"Jeopardy!"

Oh, come on, c.J.

Come on, now.

I guess that's another rounding

Game of "Know your mate."

Now we're gonna change into our

Sponsors, "Running man."

[ chuckles ]