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Whoo! Got it smelling good in
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Here, baby!
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Thank you, baby.
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Ah, give me some.
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[kiss]
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My baby.
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Ha ha ha.
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Hey, you know the best thing
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About this breakfast?
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There's nobody here to spoil it.
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Curtis.
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"Uncle curtis, I need some
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Milk.
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Uncle curtis, I need some syrup.
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Uncle curtis, can we live with
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You for 10 more years?"
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Uncle curtis, be nice.
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Thank you, baby.
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You're welcome.
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You know, you really can
21
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Cook?
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I know it.
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Mmm. Need to open your own
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Restaurant--chez payne.
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Ooh!
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Good morning!
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Good morning.
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Or the international house of
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Freeloaders.
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Huh?
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Mmm! Something look good this
32
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Morning!
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Thank you.
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I made pancakes and eggs--
35
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No, no, miss ella.
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I'm talking about this fine
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Heavenly angel right here.
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[kiss]
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Hey, baby.
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Hi.
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Oh, you're not.
42
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Tell me--I don't believe this.
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Oh, yeah.
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They are seeing each other.
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No, they are not seeing each
46
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Other, ella!
47
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Yes, they are.
48
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He can't be seeing her.
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If he was seeing her, he
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Wouldn't be hugging her.
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He'd be feeding her sugar cubes.
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Look here, baby, let's go
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Ahead and have breakfast in bed.
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Oh, now you're talking my
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Kind of language.
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All right.
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Let me get some muffins, baby.
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Ha! Ooh.
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Mmm. Muffins on a plate,
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And muffins on my date.
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Ha ha!
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Ha ha!
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Morning!
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Howdy, neighbors! Come on in!
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I know y'all want some
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Breakfast.
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Yes.
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I know you did not cook at
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The house.
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I started to.
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Whatever.
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Hey.
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Hey, baby.
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Baby, I keep telling you, you
75
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Have got to stop feeding strays.
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Okay, you feed 'em, they come
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Back.
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Aw.
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Morning.
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Morning.
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Morning.
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This here. I'm out.
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I'm sick of this.
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Curtis.
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The big dog's now through.
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I'm going to my private dining
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Room.
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Private.
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Bye.
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What up, cuz?
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You packed up yet?
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Yeah, but I still don't think
93
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It's gonna work.
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Wait.
95
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Where--where are you going?
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A marriage retreat.
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Wait a minute.
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You guys are having troubles
99
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Already?
100
00:02:08,633 --> 00:02:10,333
No, no, this is for calvin
101
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And miranda.
102
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We just going along for moral
103
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Support.
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I don't even think she's
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Gonna show up.
106
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She will be there, okay?
107
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And you and uncle curtis should
108
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Come.
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Oh. Well, I'd love to, but
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Curtis will never go.
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Aunt ella, you should just
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Explain to him that this will be
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A wonderful opportunity for the
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Two of you to explore the deeper
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Dimensions of your relationship.
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[scoffs] I got a better idea.
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Uncle curtis!
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Want to go fishing?
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What?
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Let me get my pole.
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You know, we're gonna have
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This whole place to ourselves in
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A little while.
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What do you have in mind?
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Well, I was thinking about a
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Little music...
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Oh.
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A little massage.
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Ah...
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Yeah, and some bubbly for
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You, girl.
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Oh, champagne?
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No, I got some dishwashing
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Soap for your bath.
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Girl, I'm talking some serious
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Suds.
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[imitates bubbles popping]
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Whoo! Outside.
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What?
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Outside, both of you!
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Outside right now.
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What? Ella--
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She said we could stay
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Inside.
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I don't--she don't run
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Nothing around here.
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I ain't gonna have you two
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Freakadeaks up in here
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Freakin' all in my place on my
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Credenzas and on my table and
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My desk.
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Oh, curtis, please.
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I already told floyd he could
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Stay in this house.
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Baby--
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Separate rooms.
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Ella, he's in heat!
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Curtis.
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Not nice.
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Come on in. Come on in.
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Hey, neighbor.
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Bad news.
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Our babysitter bailed, so we
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Won't be able to go on the
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Marriage--
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Hello, fishing trip.
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Fishing trip.
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Fishing trip, fishing trip!
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Ha ha!
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Well, wait a minute.
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Wait, wait.
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Uh, the twins can stay here with
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Claretha and floyd.
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Right?
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Well, well, I guess I could
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Watch--
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Hell, no! Unh-unh.
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No! Unh-unh. We got plans.
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On the credenza and the table
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And all-- we gonna do all that.
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Can't malik and jazmine watch
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The twins?
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First of all, malik and
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Jazmine are children.
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Second off, they are staying
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With their own friends.
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Why can't the twins stay with
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Their own friends?
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Floyd, they're one.
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They don't have any friends.
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Yeah, they lucky.
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Look, I think it's a good
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Idea that the twins stay with
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Floyd and claretha.
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You do?
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Yes.
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Good. I'll go get their
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Things out of the car.
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Thanks, guys.
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The hell...
201
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Well, there we go.
202
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That's a great idea.
203
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It'll keep them out of trouble.
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Uncle curtis, the twins don't
205
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Get into any trouble.
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I'm talking about floyd and
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Claretha.
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Come on, the fish are biting.
209
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Come on and go fishing! Come on!
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Y'all got it made.
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Y'all got padded sides.
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You got all these doodads and
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All these toys.
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This is better than my tent.
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Is that a flat-screen?
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These kids are balling!
217
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Ha ha!
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You want some of me?
219
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Floyd!
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You want some of me? Come on.
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Floyd, what are you doing?
222
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Bonnie and clyde throwing
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Stuff at me.
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They're just babies.
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[babies fussing]
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This ain't over. What?
227
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Will you stop fooling around?
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Heh heh.
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I ain't fooling around yet.
230
00:05:18,200 --> 00:05:22,267
Look, that's their play area,
231
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And this right here,
232
00:05:25,067 --> 00:05:27,500
This is our play area.
233
00:05:27,500 --> 00:05:28,733
Let me see them pretty--
234
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Not in front of the babies.
235
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Oh, please. Dippity-dog.
236
00:05:33,767 --> 00:05:37,867
Eeny, meeny, miney, hammer.
237
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Mmm! Yeah.
238
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Catch a tigress by her toe.
239
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[claretha purrs]
240
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If she hollers, don't let
241
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Her go.
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00:05:47,067 --> 00:05:48,933
Ha ha! See--
243
00:05:48,933 --> 00:05:50,667
The babies are watching.
244
00:05:50,667 --> 00:05:51,367
Oh, please.
245
00:05:51,367 --> 00:05:52,367
We could blindfold them.
246
00:05:52,367 --> 00:05:54,900
And then you can blindfold me.
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You're so bad.
248
00:05:57,300 --> 00:05:59,267
Oh, no, baby. I'm good.
249
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Oh.
250
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I'm real good.
251
00:06:00,600 --> 00:06:01,067
Oh.
252
00:06:01,067 --> 00:06:02,100
Now, come on over here,
253
00:06:02,100 --> 00:06:03,100
You tigress, and give me
254
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Some of that jungle love.
255
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[purrs]
256
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Say it again, say it again.
257
00:06:05,933 --> 00:06:06,467
Unh-unh.
258
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Mufasa!
259
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I really appreciate all that
260
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You're trying to do, but I
261
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Really don't think it's gonna
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Change things.
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00:06:17,367 --> 00:06:19,100
Well, miranda, as long as
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Both of you are doing everything
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That you can to make this
266
00:06:22,200 --> 00:06:23,500
Marriage work, then there's
267
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Always hope.
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Man, this is never gonna
269
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Work.
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See, as long as one of you is
271
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Doing all you can to make this
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Marriage work, then there's
273
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Always hope.
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00:06:35,333 --> 00:06:36,767
Do you people know where the
275
00:06:36,767 --> 00:06:38,700
Lake is?
276
00:06:38,700 --> 00:06:40,600
I'm--hey, c.J., I can't even
277
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Find the la--look at all the
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Candles.
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Woo-dee-woo.
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Little freak spot.
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Hey, c.J., where's the lake,
282
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Man?
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00:06:48,100 --> 00:06:50,200
I got a confession, unc.
284
00:06:53,167 --> 00:06:54,800
There is no lake.
285
00:06:54,800 --> 00:06:56,267
There are no fish.
286
00:06:56,267 --> 00:06:57,700
If there's no lake and
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There's no fish, where exactly
288
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Am I?
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00:07:00,467 --> 00:07:01,933
[british accent] Welcome,
290
00:07:01,933 --> 00:07:03,867
Couples, to the romance
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Rekindled marriage retreat.
292
00:07:06,100 --> 00:07:08,200
48 uninterrupted hours of
293
00:07:08,200 --> 00:07:10,900
Exploring your marriage and your
294
00:07:10,900 --> 00:07:12,067
Feelings.
295
00:07:12,067 --> 00:07:16,100
Oh, I see, I'm in hell.
296
00:07:16,100 --> 00:07:17,400
Well, see, baby, what
297
00:07:17,400 --> 00:07:18,367
Happened, really--
298
00:07:18,367 --> 00:07:19,067
Don't you start.
299
00:07:19,067 --> 00:07:19,600
No, really.
300
00:07:19,600 --> 00:07:20,433
No. Don't you start.
301
00:07:20,433 --> 00:07:21,100
I was gonna--
302
00:07:21,100 --> 00:07:21,933
How come you ain't say
303
00:07:21,933 --> 00:07:22,500
Nothing, ella?
304
00:07:22,500 --> 00:07:23,300
I was gonna tell you.
305
00:07:23,300 --> 00:07:24,233
Shh. Keep your voice down.
306
00:07:24,233 --> 00:07:25,067
Is that the way you
307
00:07:25,067 --> 00:07:25,667
Christians do it?
308
00:07:25,667 --> 00:07:27,267
For miranda and calvin.
309
00:07:27,267 --> 00:07:29,167
Well, I could have caught 'em
310
00:07:29,167 --> 00:07:30,233
Some fish, ella.
311
00:07:30,233 --> 00:07:32,067
As I'm sure most of you know,
312
00:07:32,067 --> 00:07:34,600
I'm dr. Phyllis markham.
313
00:07:34,600 --> 00:07:36,233
But, please, this weekend just
314
00:07:36,233 --> 00:07:37,700
Call me plain old phyllis.
315
00:07:37,700 --> 00:07:39,067
Ha ha!
316
00:07:39,067 --> 00:07:40,733
Excuse me, plain old phyllis,
317
00:07:40,733 --> 00:07:42,233
Um, what would make you think
318
00:07:42,233 --> 00:07:43,833
That I'm gonna stay here for two
319
00:07:43,833 --> 00:07:46,333
Days and listen to you try to
320
00:07:46,333 --> 00:07:48,167
Tell me how to run my marriage?
321
00:07:48,167 --> 00:07:49,333
I don't think so.
322
00:07:49,333 --> 00:07:50,600
I'm plain old gone.
323
00:07:50,600 --> 00:07:51,833
Wait, wait.
324
00:07:51,833 --> 00:07:54,067
I hold phds from princeton and
325
00:07:54,067 --> 00:07:55,467
Yale, I chair the psychology
326
00:07:55,467 --> 00:07:57,067
Department at temple university,
327
00:07:57,067 --> 00:07:58,133
And I'm president of the
328
00:07:58,133 --> 00:07:59,400
International association of
329
00:07:59,400 --> 00:08:01,167
Family and marriage therapists.
330
00:08:01,167 --> 00:08:03,967
Don't touch me.
331
00:08:03,967 --> 00:08:04,733
So what?
332
00:08:04,733 --> 00:08:05,800
That make you an expert or
333
00:08:05,800 --> 00:08:06,300
Something?
334
00:08:06,300 --> 00:08:07,233
Uh, well, unc, yeah,
335
00:08:07,233 --> 00:08:08,067
Actually, it does.
336
00:08:08,067 --> 00:08:09,200
She's an expert.
337
00:08:09,200 --> 00:08:11,633
Couples, this weekend, you'll
338
00:08:11,633 --> 00:08:14,267
Embark on a journey back to your
339
00:08:14,267 --> 00:08:15,300
Marriage.
340
00:08:15,300 --> 00:08:17,567
You'll learn, you'll play,
341
00:08:17,567 --> 00:08:20,933
You'll laugh, but you'll cry.
342
00:08:20,933 --> 00:08:23,167
Ha ha. That won't be hard.
343
00:08:23,167 --> 00:08:25,367
He cries all the time.
344
00:08:25,367 --> 00:08:26,233
I don't cry.
345
00:08:26,233 --> 00:08:27,933
You ain't gonna make me cry.
346
00:08:27,933 --> 00:08:29,200
I'm a payne man.
347
00:08:29,200 --> 00:08:30,733
Payne men don't cry.
348
00:08:30,733 --> 00:08:32,600
And your $500 deposit is
349
00:08:32,600 --> 00:08:33,667
Non-refundable.
350
00:08:33,667 --> 00:08:37,733
[crying] I'm crying.
351
00:08:37,733 --> 00:08:41,700
I'm crying!
352
00:08:41,700 --> 00:08:43,133
I need two volunteers.
353
00:08:43,133 --> 00:08:44,500
Oh, come on, baby.
354
00:08:44,500 --> 00:08:46,200
No.
355
00:08:46,200 --> 00:08:49,467
We'll do it.
356
00:08:49,467 --> 00:08:50,800
Enthusiastic.
357
00:08:50,800 --> 00:08:52,667
Ha ha.
358
00:08:52,667 --> 00:08:53,967
All right, this is a little
359
00:08:53,967 --> 00:08:55,200
Role-play game that I call
360
00:08:55,200 --> 00:08:55,933
Flip-flop.
361
00:08:55,933 --> 00:08:59,167
I'll just flip-flop.
362
00:08:59,167 --> 00:09:00,767
Oh, hey, we play that.
363
00:09:00,767 --> 00:09:03,600
Curtis.
364
00:09:03,600 --> 00:09:05,667
You go first, hmm?
365
00:09:05,667 --> 00:09:07,200
Sit, sit, sit, sit.
366
00:09:07,200 --> 00:09:08,400
Get back down?
367
00:09:08,400 --> 00:09:11,067
Mm-hmm.
368
00:09:11,067 --> 00:09:13,333
Oh, okay, come on.
369
00:09:13,333 --> 00:09:15,400
Close your eyes.
370
00:09:15,400 --> 00:09:18,467
And take a deep breath.
371
00:09:18,467 --> 00:09:20,900
Oh.
372
00:09:20,900 --> 00:09:24,233
And when I say, "Flip-flop,"
373
00:09:24,233 --> 00:09:26,433
I want you to assume your wife's
374
00:09:26,433 --> 00:09:27,133
Personality.
375
00:09:27,133 --> 00:09:28,500
Oh, this ought to be good.
376
00:09:28,500 --> 00:09:29,667
This is gonna be good.
377
00:09:29,667 --> 00:09:30,400
I like this.
378
00:09:30,400 --> 00:09:34,200
Now...Flip-flop.
379
00:09:34,200 --> 00:09:36,667
"C.J., you are so wonderful.
380
00:09:36,667 --> 00:09:38,933
You just--you take such good
381
00:09:38,933 --> 00:09:39,967
Care of us.
382
00:09:39,967 --> 00:09:41,400
You take care of the kids.
383
00:09:41,400 --> 00:09:42,633
You take care of me.
384
00:09:42,633 --> 00:09:44,400
You are just a wonderful human
385
00:09:44,400 --> 00:09:45,133
Being."
386
00:09:45,133 --> 00:09:47,100
Ah...Yeah.
387
00:09:47,100 --> 00:09:48,967
"And I know-- I know I am not
388
00:09:48,967 --> 00:09:50,900
The easiest person to live with.
389
00:09:50,900 --> 00:09:51,767
I know this."
390
00:09:51,767 --> 00:09:53,400
Oh, wait, wait, wait, wait.
391
00:09:53,400 --> 00:09:55,067
What's that supposed to mean?
392
00:09:55,067 --> 00:09:56,300
You don't think I'm easy to live
393
00:09:56,300 --> 00:09:56,667
With?
394
00:09:56,667 --> 00:09:57,733
Nah...
395
00:09:57,733 --> 00:10:00,000
Okay, flip me. Flip-flop me.
396
00:10:00,000 --> 00:10:02,167
Oh. All right.
397
00:10:02,167 --> 00:10:03,300
Um, close your eyes.
398
00:10:03,300 --> 00:10:04,900
Never mind. Hell, I got it.
399
00:10:04,900 --> 00:10:08,100
[ahem] Flip-flop, bam. I'm c.J.
400
00:10:08,100 --> 00:10:10,600
What's that?
401
00:10:10,600 --> 00:10:11,667
That's your curl.
402
00:10:11,667 --> 00:10:13,900
Oh, oh, you going hard.
403
00:10:13,900 --> 00:10:14,967
Uh-huh.
404
00:10:14,967 --> 00:10:17,533
"Uh, baby, I want you to, uh,
405
00:10:17,533 --> 00:10:18,933
Raise all the kids and take
406
00:10:18,933 --> 00:10:20,233
Care of all the cooking.
407
00:10:20,233 --> 00:10:21,500
You know, take care of all the
408
00:10:21,500 --> 00:10:22,900
Bills in the house, take care of
409
00:10:22,900 --> 00:10:23,633
All my needs."
410
00:10:23,633 --> 00:10:25,967
Oh, oh, oh! Pause.
411
00:10:25,967 --> 00:10:28,133
"So I can take care of myself,
412
00:10:28,133 --> 00:10:29,200
Make sure I can focus on my
413
00:10:29,200 --> 00:10:30,433
Career, 'cause you know my job
414
00:10:30,433 --> 00:10:31,633
Is more important than anything
415
00:10:31,633 --> 00:10:32,233
You do."
416
00:10:32,233 --> 00:10:33,000
Time-out.
417
00:10:33,000 --> 00:10:34,533
Time-out, time-out, time-out.
418
00:10:34,533 --> 00:10:36,433
[beep]
419
00:10:39,833 --> 00:10:41,867
Look here, bro,
420
00:10:41,867 --> 00:10:43,567
Sister bringing on the heat,
421
00:10:43,567 --> 00:10:43,967
Okay?
422
00:10:43,967 --> 00:10:45,200
She got a little personal.
423
00:10:45,200 --> 00:10:46,600
Come on, bring out the big guns,
424
00:10:46,600 --> 00:10:47,167
All right?
425
00:10:47,167 --> 00:10:48,400
And look here, when I do like
426
00:10:48,400 --> 00:10:52,433
This, like that...Remind her she
427
00:10:52,433 --> 00:10:53,667
Burned down the house!
428
00:10:53,667 --> 00:10:56,633
If I do like this, crack pipe.
429
00:10:56,633 --> 00:10:58,033
Crack pipe.
430
00:10:58,033 --> 00:10:58,533
Unc.
431
00:10:58,533 --> 00:10:59,433
Right? Crack--
432
00:10:59,433 --> 00:11:00,533
I can't do that.
433
00:11:00,533 --> 00:11:01,133
Why not?
434
00:11:01,133 --> 00:11:02,967
Since you seem so determined
435
00:11:02,967 --> 00:11:04,867
To participate, perhaps you and
436
00:11:04,867 --> 00:11:06,333
Your wife should do the
437
00:11:06,333 --> 00:11:07,500
Exercise, hmm?
438
00:11:07,500 --> 00:11:08,133
No.
439
00:11:08,133 --> 00:11:09,067
Perhaps we should.
440
00:11:09,067 --> 00:11:09,600
Curtis.
441
00:11:09,600 --> 00:11:10,833
Yeah, come on and do it.
442
00:11:10,833 --> 00:11:12,533
Flip-flop. Come on.
443
00:11:12,533 --> 00:11:13,233
But--
444
00:11:13,233 --> 00:11:15,167
You want to leave the pillows
445
00:11:15,167 --> 00:11:16,233
Here like this?
446
00:11:16,233 --> 00:11:17,233
Flip-flop.
447
00:11:17,233 --> 00:11:18,433
Baby, please.
448
00:11:18,433 --> 00:11:20,467
Show 'em how you flip-flop.
449
00:11:20,467 --> 00:11:22,967
[inhales, exhales]
450
00:11:22,967 --> 00:11:23,833
Okay. Uh--
451
00:11:23,833 --> 00:11:25,367
Whenever you're ready.
452
00:11:25,367 --> 00:11:26,367
"Get out of here!
453
00:11:26,367 --> 00:11:27,333
Get out of my house!
454
00:11:27,333 --> 00:11:28,533
Get out of my house, c.J.
455
00:11:28,533 --> 00:11:29,600
I want you and all your
456
00:11:29,600 --> 00:11:30,900
Muskrats, I want you to get out
457
00:11:30,900 --> 00:11:31,500
Of my house.
458
00:11:31,500 --> 00:11:32,233
Where's my beer?
459
00:11:32,233 --> 00:11:33,067
Where's my remote?
460
00:11:33,067 --> 00:11:33,700
Hey, ella!
461
00:11:33,700 --> 00:11:34,933
C.J., you took my job.
462
00:11:34,933 --> 00:11:36,400
Calvin, you not even my son.
463
00:11:36,400 --> 00:11:37,733
I promise you, you're a punk.
464
00:11:37,733 --> 00:11:38,600
You're not my son.
465
00:11:38,600 --> 00:11:39,133
Ella..."
466
00:11:39,133 --> 00:11:39,667
Okay.
467
00:11:39,667 --> 00:11:40,567
"Ella, please!"
468
00:11:40,567 --> 00:11:41,900
Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.
469
00:11:41,900 --> 00:11:43,433
Unh-unh. I got one more.
470
00:11:43,433 --> 00:11:44,533
No, hold up!
471
00:11:44,533 --> 00:11:45,533
"Ella, please..."
472
00:11:45,533 --> 00:11:46,933
Is this the game we gonna
473
00:11:46,933 --> 00:11:47,267
Play?
474
00:11:47,267 --> 00:11:48,500
"Give me another chance,
475
00:11:48,500 --> 00:11:48,900
Baby.
476
00:11:48,900 --> 00:11:50,300
Give me another chance, baby."
477
00:11:50,300 --> 00:11:51,367
Okay, my turn to flip-flop.
478
00:11:51,367 --> 00:11:52,300
"I'll make it up to you
479
00:11:52,300 --> 00:11:52,933
Tomorrow night."
480
00:11:52,933 --> 00:11:54,667
Mr. Payne, I don't think--
481
00:11:54,667 --> 00:11:56,200
My turn to flip-flop!
482
00:11:56,200 --> 00:11:58,667
Now sit the flip down!
483
00:11:58,667 --> 00:11:59,900
"Baby, please--"
484
00:11:59,900 --> 00:12:01,333
I said, flip it up.
485
00:12:01,333 --> 00:12:02,433
"What's wrong--"
486
00:12:02,433 --> 00:12:05,400
Flop.
487
00:12:05,400 --> 00:12:07,500
My turn to flip-flop.
488
00:12:12,167 --> 00:12:13,833
"Oh, curtis.
489
00:12:13,833 --> 00:12:15,967
Curtis!
490
00:12:15,967 --> 00:12:18,067
Oh, curtis.
491
00:12:18,067 --> 00:12:19,367
Curtis.
492
00:12:19,367 --> 00:12:20,733
No, curtis, the twins.
493
00:12:20,733 --> 00:12:21,833
Oh, curtis, I got a headache."
494
00:12:21,833 --> 00:12:22,933
"What the hell, what the
495
00:12:22,933 --> 00:12:23,267
Hell?"
496
00:12:23,267 --> 00:12:25,533
"Curtis this, curtis that."
497
00:12:25,533 --> 00:12:27,467
I'm gonna show you how it's
498
00:12:27,467 --> 00:12:31,600
Supposed to go.
499
00:12:31,600 --> 00:12:33,833
"Master?
500
00:12:33,833 --> 00:12:34,933
You look thirsty.
501
00:12:34,933 --> 00:12:36,267
Your glass is empty.
502
00:12:36,267 --> 00:12:37,967
Please, let me refill it with
503
00:12:37,967 --> 00:12:38,833
Thy beer."
504
00:12:38,833 --> 00:12:40,967
I would never say that.
505
00:12:40,967 --> 00:12:42,733
It's never too late to start,
506
00:12:42,733 --> 00:12:43,233
Ella.
507
00:12:43,233 --> 00:12:44,933
Would it kill you to try it a
508
00:12:44,933 --> 00:12:45,867
Little bit, huh?
509
00:12:45,867 --> 00:12:46,867
That's enough of this
510
00:12:46,867 --> 00:12:47,367
Exercise.
511
00:12:47,367 --> 00:12:48,333
No, wait, wait, wait.
512
00:12:48,333 --> 00:12:49,633
Calvin, miranda, you two haven't
513
00:12:49,633 --> 00:12:50,067
Gone yet.
514
00:12:50,067 --> 00:12:50,700
Oh, no, no.
515
00:12:50,700 --> 00:12:51,533
No, no. I'm good.
516
00:12:51,533 --> 00:12:52,933
Oh, no, you going.
517
00:12:52,933 --> 00:12:53,900
Oh, you going.
518
00:12:53,900 --> 00:12:55,167
I paid $500 for this.
519
00:12:55,167 --> 00:12:56,433
Both of you are going.
520
00:12:56,433 --> 00:12:57,767
And you gonna love it.
521
00:12:57,767 --> 00:12:58,600
Oh, this better than
522
00:12:58,600 --> 00:12:59,800
Pay-per-view right here, baby.
523
00:12:59,800 --> 00:13:01,267
This what we been waiting on.
524
00:13:01,267 --> 00:13:02,533
Matter of fact, get on up.
525
00:13:02,533 --> 00:13:03,400
Can't do it sitting there.
526
00:13:03,400 --> 00:13:03,867
Come on.
527
00:13:03,867 --> 00:13:05,067
Come on, you sit over here.
528
00:13:05,067 --> 00:13:06,767
We're gonna enjoy this.
529
00:13:06,767 --> 00:13:09,567
Now this may be fun.
530
00:13:09,567 --> 00:13:10,733
Okay.
531
00:13:10,733 --> 00:13:12,967
After you see this, you're gonna
532
00:13:12,967 --> 00:13:14,267
Pay me $500.
533
00:13:14,267 --> 00:13:15,567
Huh.
534
00:13:15,567 --> 00:13:17,400
Got some popcorn?
535
00:13:21,067 --> 00:13:23,933
All right, calvin, close your
536
00:13:23,933 --> 00:13:26,433
Eyes and take a deep breath.
537
00:13:26,433 --> 00:13:28,133
[exhales]
538
00:13:28,133 --> 00:13:30,700
And flip-flop.
539
00:13:30,700 --> 00:13:32,733
[ahem]
540
00:13:32,733 --> 00:13:35,267
"Calvin baby, I really have
541
00:13:35,267 --> 00:13:36,767
Something I need to say to you."
542
00:13:36,767 --> 00:13:38,600
Why does miranda sound like a
543
00:13:38,600 --> 00:13:39,167
Muppet?
544
00:13:39,167 --> 00:13:41,200
"I thought I was gonna meet
545
00:13:41,200 --> 00:13:43,233
You and talk to you about our
546
00:13:43,233 --> 00:13:43,967
Marriage.
547
00:13:43,967 --> 00:13:45,733
But then I thought, hey, why
548
00:13:45,733 --> 00:13:47,600
Don't I disappear for the next
549
00:13:47,600 --> 00:13:49,533
24 hours and make you think that
550
00:13:49,533 --> 00:13:50,267
I'm dead?"
551
00:13:50,267 --> 00:13:52,067
Okay, you know what?
552
00:13:52,067 --> 00:13:54,233
Okay, okay, it's my turn now.
553
00:13:54,233 --> 00:13:55,067
It's my turn.
554
00:13:55,067 --> 00:13:56,133
No, miranda, wait--
555
00:13:56,133 --> 00:13:57,267
Unh-unh, dr. Phyl.
556
00:13:57,267 --> 00:13:58,300
Back up, dr. Phyl.
557
00:13:58,300 --> 00:14:00,500
Well, she's small, but she's
558
00:14:00,500 --> 00:14:01,267
Scrappy.
559
00:14:01,267 --> 00:14:04,067
Ha.
560
00:14:04,067 --> 00:14:06,400
"You know, I thought I was
561
00:14:06,400 --> 00:14:08,667
Gonna be a good husband, and
562
00:14:08,667 --> 00:14:12,200
Then I decided to kiss the hussy
563
00:14:12,200 --> 00:14:14,767
Next door and lie about it to my
564
00:14:14,767 --> 00:14:15,400
Wife.
565
00:14:15,400 --> 00:14:17,367
Ha. Yeah.
566
00:14:17,367 --> 00:14:19,300
And then while I'm at it, I
567
00:14:19,300 --> 00:14:21,633
Decided to get my ex-girlfriend
568
00:14:21,633 --> 00:14:22,900
Pregnant with my baby.
569
00:14:22,900 --> 00:14:24,367
Be breezy."
570
00:14:24,367 --> 00:14:25,733
Ha ha. That's all you got?
571
00:14:25,733 --> 00:14:26,633
That's all you got?
572
00:14:26,633 --> 00:14:28,067
Oh, well, you have something
573
00:14:28,067 --> 00:14:28,533
Better?
574
00:14:28,533 --> 00:14:29,900
Yeah, yeah.
575
00:14:29,900 --> 00:14:30,833
What?
576
00:14:30,833 --> 00:14:32,633
How about...
577
00:14:32,633 --> 00:14:35,400
"Hey, calvin, I'm pregnant.
578
00:14:35,400 --> 00:14:37,700
Uh-oh! No, I'm not.
579
00:14:37,700 --> 00:14:39,067
Uh-oh! Yes, I am.
580
00:14:39,067 --> 00:14:39,933
Uh-oh! No, I'm not.
581
00:14:39,933 --> 00:14:42,233
Uh-oh! Yes, I am!
582
00:14:42,233 --> 00:14:43,767
Oh, and, calvin, I can't talk
583
00:14:43,767 --> 00:14:45,267
Right now, because I need some
584
00:14:45,267 --> 00:14:46,633
Time."
585
00:14:46,633 --> 00:14:47,800
Oh, doc, she does do that.
586
00:14:47,800 --> 00:14:48,633
She does that a lot.
587
00:14:48,633 --> 00:14:49,433
She did talk...
588
00:14:49,433 --> 00:14:51,933
She does.
589
00:14:51,933 --> 00:14:53,367
"All right, baby, you want
590
00:14:53,367 --> 00:14:54,867
Some time?"
591
00:14:54,867 --> 00:14:56,500
You can have all the time you
592
00:14:56,500 --> 00:14:58,667
Need, 'cause I want a divorce.
593
00:14:58,667 --> 00:15:00,167
"Oh, well, that's just fine.
594
00:15:00,167 --> 00:15:01,533
That's just fine, because you
595
00:15:01,533 --> 00:15:02,067
Know what?"
596
00:15:02,067 --> 00:15:03,500
Wait, wait, wait, whoa, whoa,
597
00:15:03,500 --> 00:15:04,333
Whoa, hold on.
598
00:15:04,333 --> 00:15:06,200
Was that you talking or me?
599
00:15:09,333 --> 00:15:11,767
That was me, miranda, talking.
600
00:15:11,767 --> 00:15:17,800
I want a divorce.
601
00:15:17,800 --> 00:15:19,933
[door slams]
602
00:15:28,067 --> 00:15:30,100
Oh. [ chuckles ]
603
00:15:30,100 --> 00:15:33,133
Finally the twins are asleep.
604
00:15:33,133 --> 00:15:36,233
Oh! A little wine to set the
605
00:15:36,233 --> 00:15:36,767
Mood.
606
00:15:36,767 --> 00:15:38,233
That's perfect.
607
00:15:38,233 --> 00:15:39,967
Oh, you wanted some, baby?
608
00:15:39,967 --> 00:15:41,967
My bad.
609
00:15:41,967 --> 00:15:42,933
Never mind.
610
00:15:42,933 --> 00:15:46,533
Maybe nobody should get any.
611
00:15:46,533 --> 00:15:47,633
You know what?
612
00:15:47,633 --> 00:15:49,100
You can have all of it.
613
00:15:49,100 --> 00:15:50,267
'cause merlot gives me gas,
614
00:15:50,267 --> 00:15:51,933
Anyway.
615
00:15:51,933 --> 00:15:52,767
Now, where were we?
616
00:15:52,767 --> 00:15:54,233
You were telling me about
617
00:15:54,233 --> 00:15:54,767
Your gas.
618
00:15:54,767 --> 00:15:57,333
[ chuckles ] Not sexy, huh?
619
00:15:57,333 --> 00:15:59,067
You know what?
620
00:15:59,067 --> 00:16:00,233
Let's...
621
00:16:00,233 --> 00:16:02,267
While the twins are asleep,
622
00:16:02,267 --> 00:16:03,333
Let's just do what comes
623
00:16:03,333 --> 00:16:04,267
Natural.
624
00:16:04,267 --> 00:16:06,067
I'd like that.
625
00:16:06,067 --> 00:16:06,933
Mm, me, too.
626
00:16:06,933 --> 00:16:08,600
I meant talk.
627
00:16:08,600 --> 00:16:10,067
Talk ain't natural.
628
00:16:10,067 --> 00:16:11,433
Floyd, seriously, before
629
00:16:11,433 --> 00:16:12,800
We go any further, I think
630
00:16:12,800 --> 00:16:14,233
We need to get to know each
631
00:16:14,233 --> 00:16:14,967
Other better.
632
00:16:14,967 --> 00:16:18,433
Fine. Fine. You go first.
633
00:16:18,433 --> 00:16:20,133
My name is claretha jenkins.
634
00:16:20,133 --> 00:16:20,633
Hi.
635
00:16:20,633 --> 00:16:21,967
I'm a capricorn.
636
00:16:21,967 --> 00:16:22,600
Mm.
637
00:16:22,600 --> 00:16:25,133
I'm just a little over 30.
638
00:16:25,133 --> 00:16:26,200
Okay.
639
00:16:26,200 --> 00:16:28,133
My favorite season is autumn.
640
00:16:28,133 --> 00:16:30,300
I love salsa dancing.
641
00:16:30,300 --> 00:16:30,900
All right.
642
00:16:30,900 --> 00:16:32,200
And my favorite dessert
643
00:16:32,200 --> 00:16:33,633
Is tofu cheesecake.
644
00:16:33,633 --> 00:16:34,667
Now you talkin'.
645
00:16:34,667 --> 00:16:36,067
Tofu cheesecake!
646
00:16:36,067 --> 00:16:36,600
Ooh!
647
00:16:36,600 --> 00:16:37,567
I never thought to put
648
00:16:37,567 --> 00:16:38,867
Cheesecake on your toes, baby.
649
00:16:38,867 --> 00:16:39,467
But look here.
650
00:16:39,467 --> 00:16:40,100
My name is
651
00:16:40,100 --> 00:16:41,800
Floyd stanley jackson.
652
00:16:41,800 --> 00:16:43,367
I'm a leo, all right?
653
00:16:43,367 --> 00:16:45,167
I don't like long walks in the
654
00:16:45,167 --> 00:16:45,833
Park.
655
00:16:45,833 --> 00:16:47,567
I have decent credit, and my
656
00:16:47,567 --> 00:16:49,400
Underarms, they sweat for some
657
00:16:49,400 --> 00:16:50,800
Reason, uncontrollably.
658
00:16:50,800 --> 00:16:51,800
Let's get busy.
659
00:16:51,800 --> 00:16:53,667
Did you say "Decent credit"?
660
00:16:53,667 --> 00:16:54,633
Yeah.
661
00:16:54,633 --> 00:16:57,567
Oh. That works for me.
662
00:16:57,567 --> 00:16:59,400
Heh heh heh.
663
00:16:59,400 --> 00:17:01,333
Girl, you think you tall enough
664
00:17:01,333 --> 00:17:04,700
To get on this ride?
665
00:17:04,700 --> 00:17:06,100
'cause I'm about to rock your
666
00:17:06,100 --> 00:17:06,500
World.
667
00:17:06,500 --> 00:17:07,933
I'll break your saddle before
668
00:17:07,933 --> 00:17:09,167
You can even make the first
669
00:17:09,167 --> 00:17:09,633
Gallop.
670
00:17:09,633 --> 00:17:10,433
[ whinnies ]
671
00:17:10,433 --> 00:17:12,100
Shh! The babies.
672
00:17:12,100 --> 00:17:13,067
Oh, I'm sorry.
673
00:17:13,067 --> 00:17:15,900
[ whinnies softly ]
674
00:17:21,333 --> 00:17:22,767
Wait.
675
00:17:22,767 --> 00:17:23,933
Would you just talk to us,
676
00:17:23,933 --> 00:17:24,367
Please?
677
00:17:24,367 --> 00:17:25,567
Look, just leave it alone.
678
00:17:25,567 --> 00:17:26,533
You heard what she said.
679
00:17:26,533 --> 00:17:27,467
Our marriage is over.
680
00:17:27,467 --> 00:17:30,267
Calvin, please!
681
00:17:30,267 --> 00:17:32,800
Hey, hey, floyd!
682
00:17:32,800 --> 00:17:34,167
Hey, boy, you missed the thrilla
683
00:17:34,167 --> 00:17:34,867
With the pilla.
684
00:17:34,867 --> 00:17:37,433
Ha ha! It was crazy!
685
00:17:37,433 --> 00:17:38,500
Aah!
686
00:17:38,500 --> 00:17:40,367
What the -- what the hell?
687
00:17:40,367 --> 00:17:42,167
What the hell?
688
00:17:42,167 --> 00:17:43,733
Get off my couch.
689
00:17:43,733 --> 00:17:44,267
Get off.
690
00:17:44,267 --> 00:17:45,667
He-e-e-y!!
691
00:17:45,667 --> 00:17:46,867
Aah!
692
00:17:46,867 --> 00:17:47,867
Get off my couch!
693
00:17:47,867 --> 00:17:48,367
What?
694
00:17:48,367 --> 00:17:49,567
Get off my couch!
695
00:17:49,567 --> 00:17:50,100
Ella...
696
00:17:50,100 --> 00:17:52,367
Baby, go get some soap and
697
00:17:52,367 --> 00:17:55,167
Holy water, please.
698
00:17:55,167 --> 00:17:56,767
Where are the babies?
699
00:17:56,767 --> 00:17:58,633
Oh, they over behind the
700
00:17:58,633 --> 00:17:59,400
Barricade.
701
00:17:59,400 --> 00:18:01,400
Barricade?
702
00:18:01,400 --> 00:18:03,433
Hey, hey, hey! Be careful.
703
00:18:03,433 --> 00:18:05,067
They're very shifty.
704
00:18:05,067 --> 00:18:07,733
Floyd? Claretha?
705
00:18:07,733 --> 00:18:08,867
You two need jesus.
706
00:18:08,867 --> 00:18:10,100
Let's go, c.J. Get him.
707
00:18:10,100 --> 00:18:11,067
We're leaving.
708
00:18:11,067 --> 00:18:12,900
And so am I.
709
00:18:12,900 --> 00:18:14,067
You -- you know what,
710
00:18:14,067 --> 00:18:14,567
Claretha?
711
00:18:14,567 --> 00:18:15,867
Maybe you and I should move in
712
00:18:15,867 --> 00:18:16,967
Together.
713
00:18:16,967 --> 00:18:18,633
You live in a tent.
714
00:18:18,633 --> 00:18:20,100
I'm talking about getting our
715
00:18:20,100 --> 00:18:21,600
Own place.
716
00:18:21,600 --> 00:18:23,100
Oh.
717
00:18:23,100 --> 00:18:25,100
That's a great idea.
718
00:18:25,100 --> 00:18:26,500
'cause I am sick and tired of
719
00:18:26,500 --> 00:18:27,967
People barging in and imposing
720
00:18:27,967 --> 00:18:28,333
On us.
721
00:18:28,333 --> 00:18:28,767
Right.
722
00:18:28,767 --> 00:18:30,367
Uh. They asking us to
723
00:18:30,367 --> 00:18:32,533
Babysit.
724
00:18:32,533 --> 00:18:35,667
And won't even pay us.
725
00:18:35,667 --> 00:18:37,067
What?
726
00:18:41,533 --> 00:18:45,067
[ laughs ]
727
00:18:45,067 --> 00:18:47,267
I see your glass is empty.
728
00:18:47,267 --> 00:18:48,200
Would you like me to get you
729
00:18:48,200 --> 00:18:48,633
Some more?
730
00:18:48,633 --> 00:18:51,667
Your wish is my command.
731
00:18:51,667 --> 00:18:52,833
Come on, baby, just give a
732
00:18:52,833 --> 00:18:53,467
Little more --
733
00:18:53,467 --> 00:18:55,833
Put the glass on the tray.
734
00:18:55,833 --> 00:18:56,800
This is not good.
735
00:18:56,800 --> 00:18:57,633
This is not good.
736
00:18:57,633 --> 00:18:58,567
You know what? You right.
737
00:18:58,567 --> 00:18:59,500
I'm through with this.
738
00:18:59,500 --> 00:19:00,100
Curtis.
739
00:19:00,100 --> 00:19:00,767
Enough of this.
740
00:19:00,767 --> 00:19:01,567
Baby...
741
00:19:01,567 --> 00:19:02,400
Come on, flip-flop.
742
00:19:02,400 --> 00:19:03,233
No, no.
743
00:19:03,233 --> 00:19:03,900
Flip-flop.
744
00:19:03,900 --> 00:19:04,933
I'm not flip-flopping.
745
00:19:04,933 --> 00:19:06,767
Get in here, annie mae, and
746
00:19:06,767 --> 00:19:07,633
Flip-flop.
747
00:19:07,633 --> 00:19:09,267
Curtis.
748
00:19:09,267 --> 00:19:10,700
Curtis, come on!
44293
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