Original subtitles

CALVIN?

YEAH.

WHAT'S THAT IN THE BATHROOM?

A TUB? A SINK?

HMM...

NO, NO, NO. THE TOILET.

I'M SORRY.

NO. IT'S YOUR WET TOWEL.

OH, MAN, I WAS SO CLOSE.

YOU GOT TO GIVE ME CREDIT ON

THAT.

HMM. YOU'RE SO FUNNY TODAY.

I-IT'S A LITTLE BIT FUNNY.

DO YOU KNOW WHERE I FOUND

YOUR TOWEL, CALVIN?

OH. OOH, OKAY. OKAY.

DON'T TELL ME, DON'T TELL ME.

UH, UH, IT WAS PROBABLY NEXT TO

THE BED.

NO.

ON THE FLOOR IN THE BATHROOM,

AGAIN.

WELL, BABE, I WOULD HAVE HUNG

IT ON THE SHOWER ROD, BUT IT'S

FULL OF YOUR PANTYHOSE.

WELL, WHERE ELSE AM I

SUPPOSED TO PUT THEM, CALVIN?

HOW ABOUT THE TOWEL RACK?

I'M NOT USING IT.

[ LAUGHS ]

I KILL MYSELF. I'M GOOD.

YOU KNOW, IT'S REALLY NOT

FUNNY.

WE ARE SUPPOSED TO BE LIVING

HERE TOGETHER, SHARING THIS

HOME, AND YOU CONTINUE TO BE

INCONSIDERATE.

I MEAN, HOW MANY TIMES HAVE I

ASKED YOU TO PUT DOWN THE

TOILET SEAT IN THE BATHROOM?

FIVE, RIGHT?

AND FIVE TIMES, I HAVE FALLEN

INTO THE TOILET, CALVIN.

THAT IS NASTY. IT'S COLD.

OKAY. OKAY, OKAY, OKAY.

[ GROANS ]

I'LL REMEMBER. I'LL WORK ON IT.

MAN!

HEY, HEY, HEY, HEY!

YOU DRANK MY ORANGE JUICE?

[ LAUGHS ]

UM, YOUR ORANGE JUICE?

YES, MY ORANGE JUICE.

HOW YOU GONNA LEAVE A SWALLOW IN

THE CONTAINER?

I NEED MORE THAN A SWALLOW.

WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU?

CALVIN, I DIDN'T SEE YOUR

NAME ON THE ORANGE JUICE.

CAN YOU READ? CAN YOU READ?

ARE YOU SERIOUS?

OKAY, FIRST OF ALL, WHO WRITES

THEIR NAME ON THE BOTTOM,

CALVIN?

I DID IT 'CAUSE YOU'RE SHORT.

AND BY THE WAY, WHAT GROWN

MAN WRITES THEIR NAME ON THE

ORANGE-JUICE CONTAINER?

WELL, WHAT GROWN WOMAN HANGS

THEIR BRA FROM THE DOORKNOB?

WELL, I'VE ALWAYS DONE THAT.

AND I'VE ALWAYS WRITTEN MY

NAME ON THE ORANGE JUICE.

OKAY, YOU KNOW WHAT?

YOU NEED TO STOP CHANGING THE

SUBJECT.

OH, YOU MAD, HUH?

I'M GLAD THAT YOU THINK THIS

IS FUNNY.

BUT YES, I AM REALLY MAD BECAUSE

WE ARE SUPPOSED TO BE LIVING

TOGETHER, COMING TOGETHER, AND

THAT'S NOT WHAT'S GOING ON HERE.

OKAY, I UNDERSTAND THAT, BUT

YOU NAGGING ME ABOUT STUFF, IT'S

NOT GONNA CHANGE ANYTHING.

OH, NO, YOU DIDN'T.

NAGGING? NAGGING?

I'M NAGGING YOU?

NO, I'M TRYING TO OPEN YOUR EYES

TO SEE THAT, YOU KNOW WHAT, YOU

COULD MAYBE BE A LITTLE MORE

CONSIDERATE SOMETIMES.

SEE? THERE YOU GO.

NAGGING.

YOU KNOW, THIS ISN'T FAIR.

I PICK UP AFTER YOU LIKE I'M

YOUR MOTHER.

WHOA, WHOA, WHOA, HOLD ON

WITH ALL THIS MOTHER STUFF.

YOU'RE NOT MY MOTHER, AND I'M

NOT A CHILD.

YOU KNOW WHAT?

I DON'T NEED TO DEAL WITH THIS.

I'M GOING TO WORK.

OH, N-O-O-O. UNH-UNH.

YOU'RE GONNA GO PICK UP THAT

TOWEL.

OH, N-O-O-O.

UNH-UNH, I'M NOT.

OH, YOU KNOW WHAT? UNH-UNH.

YOU'RE GONNA PICK UP THAT TOWEL,

CALVIN!

OH, THERE YOU ARE.

OKAY, BYE, BABE. GOING TO WORK.

BABY, I'M NEVER GONNA GET

USED TO YOU SAYING THAT.

WELL, CURTIS, YOU BETTER

START...BECAUSE YOU'RE GONNA

BE...

* HEARING IT A LOT

[ LAUGHS ]

OW.

WHY YOU COULDN'T HAVE JUST

GOT A PART-TIME JOB?

WHY YOU GOT TO BE A MANAGER?

WELL, THE OWNER SAW MY

POTENTIAL, BABY.

WELL, I'D LIKE TO POTENTIALLY

WHUP HIS ASS.

CURTIS, LISTEN.

MAKE SURE YOU COME BY AT CLOSING

TONIGHT, BECAUSE I HAVE TO DO

ANOTHER DEPOSIT, OKAY?

ALL RIGHT.

THANK YOU.

HEY, MOM. HOW YOU DOING?

HEY, BABE.

BYE, BABE. SEE YOU.

WAIT. WHERE YOU GOING?

I'M GOING TO WORK.

I WILL NEVER GET USED TO HER

SAYING THAT.

HEY, HEY, DID YOU MAKE MY LUNCH?

IT'S IN THE KITCHEN!

WHAT'S UP, POPS?

HOLD ON. HOLD ON. HOLD ON.

YOU DIDN'T SEE THAT LITTLE

BUTTON ON THE RIGHT SIDE OF THE

DOOR?

YEAH.

IT'S CALLED A DOORBELL.

IT'S FOR PEOPLE WHO DON'T LIVE

HERE.

DING-DONG!

I JUST CAME TO GET MY LUNCH.

WHY DON'T YOU EAT MIRANDA'S

COOKING?

I WANT TO LIVE.

I KNOW IT TASTES LIKE BOOTY.

[ LAUGHS ]

I TOLD YOU NOT TO MARRY HER IN

THE FIRST PLACE.

TOLD YOU SHE COULDN'T COOK.

I HOPE SHE GO TO SLEEP WITH HER

MAKEUP ON HER FUNNY-LOOKING

SELF.

HEY -- HEY, BEAUTIFUL.

UH, UM...HOW'S MY FAVORITE

DAUGHTER-IN-LAW DOING?

MR. PAYNE, I'M YOUR ONLY

DAUGHTER-IN-LAW.

GOOD MORNING.

GOOD MORNING.

WHERE'S CALVIN? IS HE HERE?

YEAH, HE'S IN THE KITCHEN.

HE'S THROWING OUT YOUR FOOD AND

GETTING HIS MAMA'S FOOD 'CAUSE

HE SAID IT MAKE HIM SICK.

HEY, MIRANDA.

CALVIN, I NEED TO TALK TO

YOU.

[ TV TURNS ON ]

WHAT IS IT NOW?

THIS IS MY HOUSE.

WHAT YOU LOOKING AT ME FOR?

WHAT IS IT NOW?

YOU NEVER PICKED UP YOUR

TOWEL THIS MORNING.

SO I FIGURED I'D BRING IT HERE

AND LET YOUR MOTHER PICK IT UP.

YOU BETTER PICK UP THAT

TOWEL BEFORE MY MAMA GET HOME.

YOU CRAZY?

HA, I MUST HAVE BEEN CRAZY

THE DAY I MARRIED YOU.

DOES ANYBODY USE A DOORBELL

AROUND HERE?

IS THIS A BAD TIME?

NO, MAN. COME IN.

WHAT'S UP, MR. PAYNE?

HOW YOU DOING, BABY?

GET YOUR HANDS OFF OF ME.

WHAT'S UP, MAN?

I JUST SAW YOU COME IN.

HEY, WHAT YOU DOING TONIGHT?

NOTHING.

WHAT YOU GOT IN MIND?

OH, I GOT A BOY OF MINE FROM

HIGH SCHOOL IN TOWN.

WE'RE GONNA GO OUT AND HIT THE

TOWN UP, BABE.

OH, THAT'S PERFECT.

I CAN GET OUT OF THE HOUSE.

YOU WANT TO COME OUT?

YEAH.

OH, EXCUSE ME.

WE'RE SUPPOSED TO HAVE DINNER

TONIGHT.

WHAT TIME SHOULD I MEET YOU?

OKAY.

[ LAUGHS ]

SO, NOW YOU DON'T LIKE MY

COOKING?

[ GAGS ]

LOOK, BABE, I THINK IT WOULD

BE GOOD.

MAYBE WE NEED SOME SPACE.

REALLY?

SO, AFTER I'VE GONE TO THE

GROCERY STORE AND BOUGHT ALL

THIS FOOD, PLANNED THIS WHOLE

MEAL FOR US, THIS IS EXACTLY

WHAT I'VE BEEN TALKING ABOUT.

OKAY, OKAY, OKAY, OKAY!

I'VE GOT AN IDEA.

HOW ABOUT YOU TWO COME JUST OVER

AND YOU GUYS CAN HAVE A

DELICIOUS --

[ GAGGING ]

WHATEVER.

YOU -- YOU GUYS CAN HAVE A

DELICIOUS HOME-COOKED MEAL, AND

THEN WE CAN GO OUT AFTERWARDS.

I DIDN'T BUY ENOUGH FOOD FOR

HIM.

OKAY.

THIS IS SUPPOSED TO BE A

ROMANTIC DINNER WITH THE TWO OF

US.

YOU KNOW WHAT?

I-I CAN'T WIN FOR LOSING WITH

YOU.

YOU KNOW WHAT, GUYS?

IT'S ALL GOOD.

DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT, MAN.

NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO.

NO, NO, NO, NO. NO, NO.

WE'RE GONNA DO THIS.

AT 7:00 TONIGHT.

ARE YOU SURE?

YES, I'M POSITIVE.

OKAY, WELL, I'M GLAD WE'RE

DOING THIS.

SEE, THIS GUY'S GOT THE HOTS

FOR MY SISTER --

OH, REALLY? HMM?

OH, CONTINUE. I'M SORRY.

UH, NOTHING.

WELL, MERCEDES LIKES THIS GUY,

SO I WANT YOU GUYS TO CHECK HIM

OUT.

I WANT TO MAKE SURE HE'S WORTHY

OF HER, YOU KNOW?

[ CHUCKLES ]

SURE. NOT A PROBLEM.

SO, DOES 7:00 SOUND GOOD?

YOU KNOW WHAT, DIEGO?

LET ME APOLOGIZE, OKAY?

YOU GUYS COME OVER AT 7:00.

WE'RE GONNA HAVE AN ABSOLUTELY

WONDERFUL MEAL.

BRING YOUR APPETITES AND BRING

MERCEDES.

SHE'S COMING, RIGHT?

NO.

OH.

UNH-UNH, I WANT TO CHECK OUT

THIS GUY FIRST.

HMM.

OKAY, I'M...HAVE A NICE DAY.

[ BREATHING HEAVILY ]

WHEW.

OKAY. ALL RIGHT.

HEY, WHAT IS GOING ON?

OKAY. COME ON, COME ON, COME ON.

DON'T DO THIS TO ME TODAY.

I CAN'T DO THIS.

UH, EXCUSE ME.

YOU NEED SOME HELP?

UH, NO, SIR. THANK YOU.

IT'S JUST THE LOCK IS JAMMED

ALWAYS.

OKAY.

THANK YOU.

[ CHUCKLES ]

COME ON! OW!

WHOA!

THAT'LL TEACH IT.

YOU MIND IF I TAKE A LOOK?

UH, SURE. 'CAUSE I GIVE UP.

HMM.

WHOA. HUH.

WHY IS THIS AIR SO HIGH OUT

HERE?

IT IS A LITTLE CHILLY.

CHILLY? IT'S FREEZING, SIR.

APPARENTLY MALL MANAGEMENT DOES

NOT BELIEVE IN HEAT!

IT MUST MAKE IT KIND OF

UNCOMFORTABLE TO WORK IN HERE,

HUH?

WELL, IT'S BAD ENOUGH THAT WE

HAVE TO ALMOST WALK HALF A MILE

FROM THE EMPLOYEES' PARKING LOT.

HALF A MILE?

HALF A MILE, THEN GET HERE

AND FREEZE WHILE WE'RE AT WORK.

THAT IS A LONG WAY TO WALK!

[ LAUGHS ]

YES.

UH, SIR, LOCK NUMBER TWO.

OH.

[ CHUCKLES ]

SO, WHOSE BIG BRILLIANT IDEA

WAS IT ANYWAY TO PUT THE

EMPLOYEES' PARKING LOT ALL THE

WAY ON THE OTHER SIDE OF THE

MALL?

PROBABLY THE STUPID MALL

MANAGER.

THANK YOU.

SO, WHAT DO YOU DO HERE?

I'M THE STUPID MALL MANAGER.

MALL MANAGER! I KNEW IT!

[ LAUGHS ]

WHEN IT CAME OUT OF MY MOUTH.

PAUL FOSTER. HOW DO YOU DO?

I'M EMBARRASSED, AND I'M

ELLA PAYNE.

NICE TO MEET YOU, ELLA.

PLEASURE MEETING YOU, SIR.

AND BY THE WAY, YOU'RE RIGHT

ABOUT HOW COLD IS UP IN HERE.

DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT.

I'M GONNA TAKE A LOOK INTO IT.

I WOULD APPRECIATE THAT.

THANK YOU.

IT WAS NICE TALKING WITH YOU.

OH, YOU, TOO.

OH, AND BY THE WAY, IT WASN'T

MY IDEA TO PUT THE PARKING LOT

ON THE OTHER SIDE OF THE MALL.

I'M JUST SAYING.

HAVE A GREAT DAY.

YOU, TOO.

THANK YOU.

YOU KNOW WHAT?

HOW ABOUT TONIGHT I JUST STOP

TALKING AND I AGREE WITH

EVERYTHING YOU SAY?

OH.

[ KNOCK ON DOOR ]

YOU GONNA GET THE DOOR?

I THOUGHT YOU WEREN'T TALKING

TO ME.

THANK YOU!

HEY, HEY.

WHAT'S UP, BABY?

WHAT'S GOING ON?

HOW YOU DOING?

HEY, HOW YOU DOING?

CALVIN.

HI.

MIRANDA, THIS IS JAVIER.

JAVIER.

HELLO, MIRANDA.

HELLO.

WOW, IT SMELLS REALLY GOOD

IN HERE.

CAN I HELP YOU WITH SOMETHING?

THANK YOU SO MUCH, BUT NO.

PLEASE TAKE A SEAT, AND WE'LL

SERVE YOU SOME HORS D'OEUVRES.

YOU HEAR THAT, CALVIN?

TAKE NOTES. GOT THAT.

YEAH, YEAH. I GOT IT.

I GOT IT.

THAT WAS A NICE LITTLE TOUCH ON,

"CAN I HELP YOU WITH ANYTHING?"

HEY, I GOT IT. CHECK.

E-EXCUSE ME.

I like him.

GIVE SOME HORS D'OEUVRES.

HORS D'OEUVRES.

OH, YES, YES, YES, SIR.

I AM STARVING.

MIRANDA, YOU DID NOT HAVE TO DO

THIS.

OH!

[ CHUCKLES ]

MMM.

MMM.

MMM-MMM.

MM-HMM.

MM-HMM?

MMM.

MMM.

MM.

OH, WAIT, WAIT, WAIT.

SO, YOU LIKE IT?

All: MMM-MMM.

MM, UM, BABY...

WHAT IS THIS?

OH, IT'S A NEW RECIPE.

THEY'RE MINI FAJITAS WITH

ARTICHOKE AND FISH.

GOOD, HUH?

MM-HMM.

I HAVE TO USE THE RESTROOM.

HMM.

[ COUGHS ]

THESE ARE GREAT, MIRANDA.

OH, YOU LIKE THEM?

OH, I'M SO HAPPY THEY CAME OUT

GOOD, BECAUSE YOU KNOW WHEN YOU

TRY A NEW RECIPE YOU REALLY

NEVER KNOW HOW IT'S GONNA TURN

OUT.

Both: [ LAUGH ]

OH, BUT PLEASE EXCUSE ME.

I'M GONNA RUN TO THE BACK AND

WASH UP A LITTLE.

I'VE BEEN CHOPPING ONIONS.

I JUST NEED TO FRESHEN UP.

OH, I CAN'T WAIT.

[ LAUGHING ]

[ GAGS ]

AH, AH, I THOUGHT YOU SAID

YOU LIKED IT.

YEAH, IT'S CALLED DIPLOMACY,

BRO.

THESE THINGS TASTE LIKE BOOTY.

[ LAUGHS ]

WOW!

YOUR WIFE'S COOKING IS AWFUL,

CALVIN.

BUT...SHE IS VERY BEAUTIFUL.

HEY, HEY, HEY, HEY!

EYES OVER HERE.

THE TV's RIGHT THERE. THANK YOU.

HEY, LISTEN, BEFORE DIEGO

GETS BACK, I WANTED TO ASK YOU

SOMETHING.

WHAT'S UP?

WELL, YOU KNOW, MERCEDES

TALKS A LOT ABOUT YOU.

WHO, ME?

MM, YEAH, YOU GUYS WORK

TOGETHER, RIGHT?

SHE'S A BIG FAN OF YOURS.

WELL, I-I'M A BIG FAN, TOO.

OF HER, NOT ME.

WELL, OF HER WORK, YOU KNOW,

ALL THAT SHE STANDS FOR.

SHE DOES HER JOB WELL, YEAH.

[ CHUCKLES ]

SHE SAID YOU'RE A FUNNY GUY.

YEAH, I'M KIND OF FUNNY, A

LITTLE BIT.

YEAH. YOU KNOW WHAT?

YOU COULD BE MY INSIDE MAN.

EXCUSE ME?

YEAH, WITH MERCEDES, I MEAN.

SEE, DIEGO'S HER BROTHER, SO I

CAN'T ASK HIM, YOU KNOW.

I JUST -- I WANT TO -- IS SHE

SEEING ANYONE?

DOES SHE HAVE ANY HOBB-- LOOK,

I'M NOT REALLY INTERESTED IN

ALL THAT CRAP.

I JUST -- I WANT TO -- HERE'S

THE THING.

I'VE BEEN DRIVING ECONOMY CARS

FOR A WHILE, AND I JUST THINK

IT'S TIME FOR ME TO TEST-DRIVE

THAT MERCEDES, YOU KNOW WHAT I

MEAN?

HA!

HA!

YEAH.

[ LAUGHS ] YEAH.

YOU KNOW, I'M GLAD DIEGO

HOOKED US UP.

WE'RE GONNA -- WE'RE GONNA WORK

OUT GREAT.

YOU'RE GONNA -- YEAH.

YEAH, THIS IS GONNA BE GREAT.

YEAH. [ LAUGHS ]

YOU KNOW WHAT?

LET ME GET YOU ANOTHER HORS

D'OEUVRE.

UH, I'M GOOD WITH THAT.

DIPLOMACY, BRO.

HERE, TAKE TWO.

OKAY, I HAVE TO TELL YOU.

THIS IS GOING TO BE 50% OFF

TOMORROW, SO WHY DON'T I JUST

PUT THIS OVER HERE TO THE SIDE.

* AND YOU COME ON BACK AND GET

IT TOMORROW? *

[ CHUCKLES ]

[ WHISTLES ]

YOU DRIVE A PRETTY HARD BARGAIN.

WELL, I GUESS I CAN'T HELP

MYSELF.

I JUST WISH SOMEONE WOULD HAVE

TOLD ME THAT STUFF WHEN I WAS

SHOPPING.

WELL, THAT'S AWFULLY NICE OF

YOU.

SO, ARE YOU DONE FOR THE

EVENING?

YEAH, AND I THOUGHT I MIGHT

DO SOME SHOPPING FOR A SPECIAL

LADY.

OH.

WELL, WOULD YOU REQUIRE ANY

ASSISTANCE, SIR?

I'M AFRAID SO.

WHEN IT COMES TO SHOPPING, I'M

PRETTY HELPLESS.

I MEAN, MY WIFE USED TO DO ALL

THE SHOPPING FOR ME.

BUT EVER SINCE SHE'S PASSED,

I'VE HAD TO RELY ON NICE PEOPLE

SUCH AS YOURSELF.

WOW. I'M SORRY TO HEAR THAT.

YEAH, YOU KNOW, YOU, UH, KIND

OF REMIND ME OF HER.

I REMIND YOU OF A DEAD WOMAN?

[ CHUCKLES ]

NO, SHE WAS VERY KIND, JUST LIKE

YOU.

I'M JOKING. SORRY.

UH, THANK YOU.

WELL, PAUL, WHAT ARE YOU LOOKING

FOR?

I HAVE ABSOLUTELY NO IDEA.

WHAT DO WOMEN LIKE?

WELL, UH, YOU ARE PRETTY

HELPLESS, HUH?

SO WHY DON'T WE -- JEWELRY IS

ALWAYS NICE.

ALWAYS, ALWAYS, ALWAYS.

SO WHAT DO YOU SEE?

WHAT DO YOU LIKE?

UH, OOH.

PUT THAT BACK.

DON'T NOBODY WANT THAT.

[ LAUGHS ]

THIS IS MY FAVORITE.

OH.

IT CAME IN YESTERDAY.

THIS IS VERY NICE.

YOU KNOW, I THINK I'LL TAKE IT.

COULD YOU WRAP IT UP FOR ME,

PLEASE?

CERTAINLY, SIR.

CASH OR CHARGE?

UH, CASH.

I'M WHAT YOU CALL OLD-FASHIONED.

YEAH, AND I LIKE CASH.

[ CHUCKLES ]

PAUL, PAUL, PAUL, PAUL!

PAUL, PAUL, PAUL, PAUL!

YOU FORGOT YOUR GIFT, SIR.

NO, I DIDN'T.

THAT'S FOR YOU.

WAIT. NO.

NO. FOR YOU.

[ CLICKS TONGUE ]

[ GASPING ]

OKAY.

WHAT THE HELL WRONG WITH HIM?

JUST WALKING OUT OF HERE.

PEOPLE CRAZY.

ELLA PAYNE, ARE YOU BLUSHING?

UH...WHY?

I CAN'T EVEN REMEMBER THE

LAST TIME I MADE YOU BLUSH,

GIRL.

YOU STILL THINKING ABOUT LAST

NIGHT?

CURTIS.

I AM.

LET'S GO.

SO, THEN WE COME IN, AND WE

HIT THE GUY, AND THE GUY JUST

PASSES OUT, AND IT WAS

HILARIOUS.

[ LAUGHS ]

WELL, YOU KNOW, YOU GUYS, PLEASE

RELAX.

I'M GONNA PUT ON A POT OF

COFFEE.

MNH-MNH-MNH.

LET ME HELP YOU, MIRANDA.

OH, THANK YOU SO MUCH,

JAVIER.

YOU ARE SO SWEET.

OH, PLEASE, DARLING, CALL ME

"JAVY."

OH, JAVY.

BABY, YOU TAKING NOTES?

OH, YEAH, I GOT A WHOLE

NOTEBOOK FULL OF BULL...

[ SNEEZES ]

HEY, DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT,

BRO.

I'M SURE SHE'S GOT SOME HOT

DESSERT WAITING FOR YOU.

WHOA, WHOA.

THAT'S NOT YOUR BUSINESS.

DIEGO, GET YOUR BOY.

I'M GETTING SICK OF YOU, DUDE.

[ INDISTINCT SHOUTING ]

LOOK, AND I'M ALSO GETTING SICK

OF THE WAY YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT

MERCEDES.

EXCUSE ME?

WHAT ARE YOU SAYING ABOUT MY

SISTER?

I'M NOT SAYING ANYTHING.

DIEGO, COME ON, MAN, YOU'VE

KNOWN ME FOR SO LONG.

WHAT WOULD I SAY?

HE'S JUST BUGGING OUT.

OKAY, FIRST OF ALL, I'M NOT

BUGGING OUT.

SECOND OF ALL, I'M TIRED OF HOW

YOU'RE PLAYING TWO-FACE WITH MY

WIFE, BEING POLITE AND THEN --

WAIT, WAIT, WAIT.

HOLD ON, MAN.

WHAT THE HELL'S GOING ON RIGHT

NOW WITH YOU GUYS?

YOU KNOW WHAT?

I'LL TELL YOU WHAT'S GOING ON.

YOUR LITTLE BUDDY RIGHT HERE,

HE'S ONLY INTERESTED IN HITTING

MERCEDES.

WHAT? THAT'S RIDICULOUS.

OH, NO, NO.

GO AHEAD AND TELL HIM, JAVY.

TELL HIM HOW YOU WANT TO

TEST-DRIVE THAT MERCEDES.

DIEGO, HE'S NOT YOUR BOY.

HE'S JUST TRYING TO GET WITH

YOUR SISTER.

OH.

OH, I SEE WHAT'S HAPPENING HERE.

I THINK I HIT A NERVE, DIDN'T I,

CALVIN?

YEAH?

'CAUSE YOU DON'T WANT ME TO GO

FOR MERCEDES, RIGHT?

'CAUSE YOU WANT TO TAP MERCEDES.

OKAY, YOU KNOW WHAT?

THAT'S IT, MAN. HOLD ON.

WHAT ARE YOU DOING DISRESPECTING

THESE PEOPLE, JAVY?

I'M TRYING TO ASK HIM OVER

HERE.

YOU COME INTO A HOUSE.

THAT'S HIS WIFE RIGHT THERE.

THAT IS HIS WIFE.

YEAH, IT IS. RESPECT HER.

RESPECT? YES, RESPECT.

YOU KNOW WHAT? COME ON, RESPECT.

LET'S SHARE SOME SECRETS.

YOU KNOW WHAT?

WHY DON'T YOU GET THE HELL OUT

OF MY HOUSE.

DO I HAVE TO GET OUT?

RESPECT MY HOUSE.

TIME-OUT.

I'D LIKE TO HEAR WHAT HE HAS TO

SAY.

YEAH. SHE WANTS TO HEAR.

COME ON, COME DOWN HERE.

GET OUT OF MY HOUSE!

YOU GUYS CARPOOL TOGETHER.

DIEGO, GET YOUR BOY, GET

YOUR BOY.

SHUT UP! SHUT UP!

YOU GUYS MAKE A CUTE COUPLE.

SHUT UP! SHUT UP!

WHAT'S GOING ON, CALVIN?

THERE AIN'T NOTHING GOING ON,

MIRANDA.

ARE YOU SURE?

BABY, YOU GONNA LET HIM COME

IN HERE AND TALK, AND YOU'RE

JUST GONNA BELIEVE ANYTHING HE

SAY?

SHOULD I?

MIRANDA, YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW

HIM.

I'M YOUR HUSBAND.

[ SCOFFS ]

I'M TELLING YOU, THERE'S

NOTHING GOING ON.

LET ME TELL YOU ABOUT A

WOMAN'S INTUITION, CALVIN.

WE KNOW.

WE KNOW WHEN SOMETHING'S NOT

RIGHT, SO IF YOU HAVE SOMETHING

THAT YOU NEED TO TELL ME, YOU

NEED TO TELL ME NOW.

[ KNOCK ON DOOR ]

LIKE I SAID, I AIN'T GOT

NOTHING TO TELL YOU.

[ CLEARS THROAT ]

GUYS. SERIOUSLY, I'M SORRY.

HE HAD WAY TOO MUCH TO DRINK,

ALL RIGHT?

LET ME TELL YOU SOMETHING.

MIRANDA, I SWEAR THERE IS

NOTHING GOING ON BETWEEN CALVIN

AND MY SISTER.

DIEGO --

DON'T YOU THINK I WOULD KNOW?

DIEGO, SAVE IT, OKAY?

I KNOW THIS IS YOUR BOY.

I KNOW YOU'RE GONNA COVER FOR

HIM.

I'M GONNA GO TO SLEEP.

I'M GONNA GIVE YOU A LITTLE BIT

OF TIME TO GET YOUR LITTLE LIE

TOGETHER, GET YOUR STORIES

RIGHT.

AND ONCE YOU DO, WHY DON'T YOU

COME TELL ME YOUR NEW TRUTH,

OKAY?

LIKE I SAID, I AIN'T GOT

NOTHING TO TELL YOU.

GET YOUR STORY RIGHT, CALVIN.

OR YOU WON'T HAVE A WIFE TO BE

CONCERNED ABOUT.

MAN, I'M SORRY, DUDE.

I SHOULD HAVE NEVER BROUGHT HIM

HERE.

NO, MAN. IT'S MY FAULT.

I SHOULD HAVE NEVER BLEW UP.

BLEW UP?

DUDE, YOU WERE WATCHING MY BACK

THE WHOLE DAMN TIME.

I'M THE ONE THAT SHOULD BE

PROTECTING MY OWN SISTER.

I APPRECIATE IT FOR STEPPING UP

TODAY, MAN.

I'M GONNA GET OUT OF HERE.

IT'S A LITTLE LATE.

KEEP YOUR HEAD UP.

YOU KNOW WHAT?

SOMETIMES I WISH MERCEDES WOULD

BE WITH SOMEONE LIKE YOU.