All language subtitles for Tyler Perrys House of Payne - S05E07 - Payneful News WEBDL-1080p_track3_[eng]

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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:03,267 --> 00:00:04,467 SO I WENT AND GOT IN THE 2 00:00:04,467 --> 00:00:06,700 BATHTUB, RIGHT? THEN IT GRABBED 3 00:00:06,700 --> 00:00:09,867 ME BY MY LEG. 4 00:00:09,867 --> 00:00:10,833 I SNATCHED IT OFF, AND THEN I 5 00:00:10,833 --> 00:00:13,133 SHOOK IT. THEN I FLUNG IT 6 00:00:13,133 --> 00:00:15,033 AGAINST THE WALL, AND IT JUMPED 7 00:00:15,033 --> 00:00:16,267 BACK ON ME. 8 00:00:16,267 --> 00:00:17,800 [GAGS] 9 00:00:17,800 --> 00:00:18,800 AND IT HAD ME BY THE NECK, AND 10 00:00:18,800 --> 00:00:21,200 IT POKED ME IN THE EYE. IT WENT 11 00:00:21,200 --> 00:00:22,267 DARK, DAWG. IT WENT DARK. I 12 00:00:22,267 --> 00:00:23,933 IT WENT DARK. 13 00:00:23,933 --> 00:00:25,967 I COULDN'T SEE NOTHING. 14 00:00:25,967 --> 00:00:27,467 GOOD MORNING. 15 00:00:27,467 --> 00:00:28,533 AM I INTERRUPTING? 16 00:00:28,533 --> 00:00:29,733 ACTUALLY, YOU ARE. 17 00:00:29,733 --> 00:00:30,733 GO ON, FLOYD. 18 00:00:30,733 --> 00:00:32,867 YEAH, SO WHAT WAS IT? 19 00:00:32,867 --> 00:00:35,167 IT WAS VANITA'S PONYTAIL 20 00:00:35,167 --> 00:00:35,933 WEAVE. 21 00:00:35,933 --> 00:00:36,733 EW! 22 00:00:36,733 --> 00:00:37,267 MAN! 23 00:00:37,267 --> 00:00:38,800 SO YOU MEAN TO TELL ME YOU 24 00:00:38,800 --> 00:00:40,433 GOT INTO A FIGHT WITH SOME HAIR? 25 00:00:40,433 --> 00:00:41,100 HEY. 26 00:00:41,100 --> 00:00:43,000 UNTIL YOU'VE HAD AN EXPERIENCE 27 00:00:43,000 --> 00:00:44,867 WITH SOFT 'N' SILKY NUMBER 5, 28 00:00:44,867 --> 00:00:46,400 DON'T SAY NOTHING TO ME ABOUT 29 00:00:46,400 --> 00:00:47,667 IT. 30 00:00:47,667 --> 00:00:48,667 WHOA! 31 00:00:48,667 --> 00:00:49,400 [ LAUGHS ] 32 00:00:49,400 --> 00:00:50,267 LOOK, ANYWAY. 33 00:00:50,267 --> 00:00:51,733 BABY, WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE? 34 00:00:51,733 --> 00:00:53,267 I THOUGHT YOU HAD AN APPOINTMENT 35 00:00:53,267 --> 00:00:54,633 WITH THE BABY DOCTOR. 36 00:00:54,633 --> 00:00:56,767 BABY DOCTOR? 37 00:00:56,767 --> 00:00:59,367 AW, ARE YOU -- ARE YOU PREGNANT? 38 00:00:59,367 --> 00:01:01,400 WE'RE TRYING. 39 00:01:01,400 --> 00:01:02,200 TRYING? 40 00:01:02,200 --> 00:01:04,133 I JUST HUG MY WIFE, AND SHE GETS 41 00:01:04,133 --> 00:01:04,867 PREGNANT. 42 00:01:04,867 --> 00:01:06,533 [ LAUGHS ] 43 00:01:06,533 --> 00:01:07,267 LISTEN, BABY. 44 00:01:07,267 --> 00:01:08,500 SO THE DOCTOR PUT ME ON A 45 00:01:08,500 --> 00:01:10,067 SCHEDULE SO THAT WE CAN BE AWARE 46 00:01:10,067 --> 00:01:11,567 OF THE DAYS WE'RE MOST LIKELY TO 47 00:01:11,567 --> 00:01:12,133 CONCEIVE. 48 00:01:12,133 --> 00:01:14,367 THAT SOUNDS ROMANTIC. 49 00:01:14,367 --> 00:01:16,500 CALVIN, FOCUS. 50 00:01:16,500 --> 00:01:17,567 OKAY. 51 00:01:17,567 --> 00:01:18,367 SO LISTEN. 52 00:01:18,367 --> 00:01:20,100 SO WHEN IT'S TIME, I'M GONNA 53 00:01:20,100 --> 00:01:21,933 GIVE YOU A CALL, AND I'M GONNA 54 00:01:21,933 --> 00:01:24,367 SAY, "BABY, COFFEE'S READY." 55 00:01:24,367 --> 00:01:25,800 AND YOU DROP WHATEVER YOU'RE 56 00:01:25,800 --> 00:01:27,333 DOING, AND YOU COME RIGHT HOME. 57 00:01:27,333 --> 00:01:28,833 HA HA! 58 00:01:28,833 --> 00:01:30,067 Y'ALL HEAR THAT? 59 00:01:30,067 --> 00:01:32,067 SO, BASICALLY WHAT SHE SAID IS, 60 00:01:32,067 --> 00:01:33,900 WHENEVER SHE'S "READY," SHE'S 61 00:01:33,900 --> 00:01:35,933 GONNA CALL ME, AND WE GET TO GO 62 00:01:35,933 --> 00:01:37,067 HAVE COFFEE. 63 00:01:37,067 --> 00:01:38,067 MM-HMM! 64 00:01:38,067 --> 00:01:39,800 YEAH, SO, BABY, LISTEN. 65 00:01:39,800 --> 00:01:41,467 YOU HAVE TO COME HOME WHENEVER I 66 00:01:41,467 --> 00:01:42,933 CALL YOU BECAUSE IT'S ONLY A 67 00:01:42,933 --> 00:01:44,100 SMALL WINDOW OF TIME. 68 00:01:44,100 --> 00:01:45,133 SO, WAIT A MINUTE. 69 00:01:45,133 --> 00:01:46,233 LET ME GET THIS RIGHT. 70 00:01:46,233 --> 00:01:46,700 HMM? 71 00:01:46,700 --> 00:01:48,100 WHENEVER YOU'RE "READY," NO 72 00:01:48,100 --> 00:01:49,367 MATTER WHERE YOU ARE -- YOU 73 00:01:49,367 --> 00:01:50,733 COULD BE IN TRAFFIC, DOWNTOWN 74 00:01:50,733 --> 00:01:53,067 CONNECTOR, 5:00 P.M. -- YOU GUYS 75 00:01:53,067 --> 00:01:54,967 ARE GONNA PULL OVER AND... 76 00:01:54,967 --> 00:01:56,767 MM, MAKE SOME COFFEE, GIRL. 77 00:01:56,767 --> 00:01:57,367 YES. 78 00:01:57,367 --> 00:02:00,100 OOH! 79 00:02:00,100 --> 00:02:01,067 [ SIREN ] 80 00:02:01,067 --> 00:02:03,067 [ HORN HONKS ] 81 00:02:03,067 --> 00:02:04,533 [ TIRES SCREECH ] 82 00:02:08,900 --> 00:02:10,833 [ INDISTINCT TALKING ] 83 00:02:10,833 --> 00:02:11,933 THIS IS WHEN HE GONNA BASH IN 84 00:02:11,933 --> 00:02:13,067 HER HEAD AND THE BLOOD GONNA 85 00:02:13,067 --> 00:02:14,100 SQUIRT ON THE LADY NEXT TO HIM 86 00:02:14,100 --> 00:02:15,200 AND THE DOOR GONNA BE LOCKED. 87 00:02:15,200 --> 00:02:15,933 SHE CAN'T GET OUT. 88 00:02:15,933 --> 00:02:16,567 DO YOU MIND? 89 00:02:16,567 --> 00:02:17,633 WE TRYING TO WATCH A MOVIE HERE. 90 00:02:17,633 --> 00:02:19,200 WELL, GO WATCH IT AT YOUR 91 00:02:19,200 --> 00:02:22,133 HOUSE ON THE HOMELESS CHANNEL. 92 00:02:22,167 --> 00:02:23,600 WHAT BE ALL THE NOISE ABOUT? 93 00:02:23,600 --> 00:02:24,733 LOOK WHAT'S ON, BABY. 94 00:02:24,733 --> 00:02:25,533 LOOK WHAT'S ON. 95 00:02:25,533 --> 00:02:26,733 OH, CURTIS, THIS IS OUR 96 00:02:26,733 --> 00:02:27,167 MOVIE! 97 00:02:27,167 --> 00:02:28,367 REMEMBER THIS? REMEMBER? 98 00:02:28,367 --> 00:02:29,467 WAIT, WAIT, WAIT, WAIT! 99 00:02:29,467 --> 00:02:30,100 LOOK AT THAT! 100 00:02:30,100 --> 00:02:30,733 UGH! 101 00:02:30,767 --> 00:02:32,067 HE DRINKING IT! 102 00:02:32,067 --> 00:02:33,467 HE'S GONNA DRINK IT. 103 00:02:33,467 --> 00:02:35,267 NOW IN TWO MORE SCENES, HE'S 104 00:02:35,300 --> 00:02:37,367 GONNA DRINK SOME MORE BLOOD, AND 105 00:02:37,367 --> 00:02:40,133 THEN HE'S GONNA EAT THE GUTS. 106 00:02:40,167 --> 00:02:40,800 ALL RIGHT. 107 00:02:40,800 --> 00:02:42,100 NOW THAT WE KNOW HOW THE MOVIE'S 108 00:02:42,100 --> 00:02:42,767 GOING TO END. 109 00:02:42,767 --> 00:02:43,800 [ TELEVISION SHUTS OFF ] 110 00:02:43,800 --> 00:02:44,767 WHAT ARE YOU DOING? 111 00:02:44,767 --> 00:02:45,467 YOU DON'T -- 112 00:02:45,500 --> 00:02:46,700 I'M GONNA GET SOMETHING TO 113 00:02:46,700 --> 00:02:47,100 DRINK. 114 00:02:47,100 --> 00:02:48,100 EXCUSE ME. 115 00:02:48,100 --> 00:02:49,533 OH, WAIT. WHOA, WHOA, WHOA. 116 00:02:49,533 --> 00:02:51,100 AUNT ELLA, I FORGOT -- I HAVE A 117 00:02:51,100 --> 00:02:52,633 FEW JOB INTERVIEWS THIS WEEK. 118 00:02:52,633 --> 00:02:55,500 CAN YOU BABY-SIT THE TWINS? 119 00:02:55,500 --> 00:02:57,067 B-BOTH OF THEM? 120 00:02:57,067 --> 00:02:59,333 TWINS WITH AN "S," YES. 121 00:02:59,533 --> 00:03:00,367 I CAN'T. 122 00:03:00,367 --> 00:03:02,167 JANINE, I HAVE TO GO TO THE HELP 123 00:03:02,167 --> 00:03:02,700 CENTER. 124 00:03:02,700 --> 00:03:03,133 OHH. 125 00:03:03,133 --> 00:03:04,733 I APPRECIATE THAT ANYWAY. 126 00:03:04,733 --> 00:03:06,433 YES, YOU APPRECIATE -- WHEN 127 00:03:06,433 --> 00:03:08,433 YOU GOT TO GO, BABY? 128 00:03:08,433 --> 00:03:10,133 WHEN DID YOU GOT TO GO? 129 00:03:10,133 --> 00:03:11,433 DON'T DO THAT. 130 00:03:11,433 --> 00:03:12,633 [ BOTH LAUGH ] 131 00:03:12,633 --> 00:03:14,100 I'M JUST ASKING. 132 00:03:14,100 --> 00:03:15,367 I'M JUST ASKING 'CAUSE I KNOW 133 00:03:15,367 --> 00:03:16,600 YOU TOLD ME YOU DIDN'T HAVE TO 134 00:03:16,600 --> 00:03:17,733 GO, YOU HAD A WEEK OFF. 135 00:03:17,733 --> 00:03:19,233 SO I'M JUST CURIOUS WHEN YOU -- 136 00:03:19,233 --> 00:03:20,167 DON'T DO THAT. 137 00:03:20,167 --> 00:03:21,567 THIS IS -- THIS IS CALLED 138 00:03:21,567 --> 00:03:24,433 CATCH A LYING CHRISTIAN. 139 00:03:24,433 --> 00:03:26,067 WAIT, CURTIS, DON'T DO THAT. 140 00:03:26,067 --> 00:03:27,067 WHEN -- WHEN YOUR INTERVIEW? 141 00:03:27,067 --> 00:03:28,567 WELL, I HAVE ONE MONDAY, THEN 142 00:03:28,567 --> 00:03:30,067 I ALSO HAVE TWO THURSDAY, AND 143 00:03:30,067 --> 00:03:31,433 THEN I HAVE ANOTHER ONE ON 144 00:03:31,433 --> 00:03:32,400 FRIDAY. 145 00:03:32,400 --> 00:03:33,067 YEAH. 146 00:03:33,067 --> 00:03:34,700 SO YOU'RE GONNA WORK ALL THEM 147 00:03:34,700 --> 00:03:35,200 DAYS? 148 00:03:35,200 --> 00:03:36,667 NOW YOU CHANGED IT FROM 15 149 00:03:36,667 --> 00:03:37,500 MINUTES AGO? 150 00:03:37,500 --> 00:03:38,567 CURTIS, DON'T DO THAT. 151 00:03:38,567 --> 00:03:39,300 YOU'RE LYING. 152 00:03:39,300 --> 00:03:40,267 YOU'RE A LYING SAINT. 153 00:03:40,267 --> 00:03:41,467 JUST TELL EVERYBODY YOU'RE A 154 00:03:41,467 --> 00:03:42,067 LYING SAINT. 155 00:03:42,067 --> 00:03:43,933 IT AIN'T THAT HARD. 156 00:03:43,933 --> 00:03:45,133 I-I CAN'T DO IT. 157 00:03:45,133 --> 00:03:45,800 OKAY. 158 00:03:45,800 --> 00:03:47,533 WELL, SINCE AUNT ELLA CAN'T, 159 00:03:47,533 --> 00:03:49,200 UNCLE CURTIS, WOULD YOU MIND 160 00:03:49,200 --> 00:03:50,767 WATCHING THE TWINS FOR ME? 161 00:03:50,767 --> 00:03:51,733 I'M WATCHING THEM NOW. 162 00:03:51,733 --> 00:03:52,700 THEY A SCREENSAVER ON THE 163 00:03:52,700 --> 00:03:53,100 COMPUTER. 164 00:03:53,100 --> 00:03:54,167 THEY'RE CUTE THERE, BUT I 165 00:03:54,167 --> 00:03:55,100 NEED YOU TO WATCH THEM IN 166 00:03:55,100 --> 00:03:55,467 PERSON. 167 00:03:55,467 --> 00:03:56,067 PLEASE CAN YOU? 168 00:03:56,067 --> 00:03:56,400 NO. 169 00:03:56,400 --> 00:04:00,367 WHY NOT? 170 00:04:00,367 --> 00:04:01,167 EXSQUEEZE ME? 171 00:04:01,167 --> 00:04:02,433 WHY -- WHY CAN'T YOU WATCH 172 00:04:02,433 --> 00:04:03,067 THE TWINS? 173 00:04:03,067 --> 00:04:04,133 WHY YOU ASKING ME WHY I 174 00:04:04,133 --> 00:04:04,533 CAN'T? 175 00:04:04,533 --> 00:04:05,333 'CAUSE I SAID SO. 176 00:04:05,333 --> 00:04:06,667 I AIN'T GOT TO TELL YOU WHY I 177 00:04:06,667 --> 00:04:07,700 CAN'T WATCH THEM KIDS. 178 00:04:07,700 --> 00:04:08,467 THEM YOUR KIDS. 179 00:04:08,467 --> 00:04:09,933 I CAN'T WATCH THEM BECAUSE I GOT 180 00:04:09,933 --> 00:04:11,500 SOMETHING YOUR WIFE DON'T HAVE. 181 00:04:11,500 --> 00:04:13,433 HEMORRHOIDS. 182 00:04:13,433 --> 00:04:14,400 YEAH, YOU REAL FUNNY. 183 00:04:14,400 --> 00:04:14,867 WELL. 184 00:04:14,867 --> 00:04:16,067 NO, A JOB -- THAT'S WHAT I 185 00:04:16,067 --> 00:04:16,367 GOT. 186 00:04:16,367 --> 00:04:17,567 I'M TRYING TO GET A JOB. 187 00:04:17,567 --> 00:04:18,767 NO ONE WILL WATCH THE TWINS. 188 00:04:18,767 --> 00:04:20,167 BABY, I DON'T THINK IT'S A 189 00:04:20,167 --> 00:04:21,133 GOOD IDEA FOR YOU TO LEAVE THE 190 00:04:21,133 --> 00:04:22,133 TWINS WITH HIM ANYWAY. 191 00:04:22,133 --> 00:04:23,267 YOU'RE PROBABLY RIGHT. 192 00:04:23,267 --> 00:04:26,333 LOOK, MA. I CAN GET A JOB. 193 00:04:26,333 --> 00:04:29,367 MALIK, YOU ARE TOO YOUNG. 194 00:04:29,367 --> 00:04:30,067 W-WHAT? 195 00:04:30,067 --> 00:04:31,467 I'M TALKING ABOUT HE'S TOO 196 00:04:31,467 --> 00:04:31,900 YOUNG. 197 00:04:31,900 --> 00:04:33,467 AS BIG -- LOOK AT HOW BIG -- 198 00:04:33,467 --> 00:04:34,900 LOOK AT HOW BIG THIS BOY IS. 199 00:04:34,900 --> 00:04:39,300 UNCLE CURTIS. 200 00:04:39,300 --> 00:04:41,067 LOOK, HE WASN'T TOO YOUNG TO 201 00:04:41,067 --> 00:04:42,533 STEAL MY MOTORCYCLE, WAS HE? 202 00:04:42,533 --> 00:04:44,200 IF YOU CAN GET ARRESTED, YOU CAN 203 00:04:44,200 --> 00:04:44,900 GET A JOB. 204 00:04:44,900 --> 00:04:45,400 NO. 205 00:04:45,400 --> 00:04:47,067 UNCLE CURTIS, THIS BOY'S PAPER 206 00:04:47,067 --> 00:04:48,233 ROUTE WAS A FIASCO. 207 00:04:48,233 --> 00:04:49,800 HE COULDN'T EVEN DELIVER OUR 208 00:04:49,800 --> 00:04:50,633 PAPER ON TIME. 209 00:04:50,633 --> 00:04:51,367 NO, MALIK. 210 00:04:51,367 --> 00:04:52,500 I'M SORRY, SON -- NO JOB. 211 00:04:52,500 --> 00:04:53,667 C.J., YOU DONE LOST YOUR 212 00:04:53,667 --> 00:04:54,067 MIND. 213 00:04:54,067 --> 00:04:55,367 YOU GOT A SON THAT WANT TO WORK, 214 00:04:55,367 --> 00:04:56,667 AND YOU GONNA TELL HIM HE CAN'T 215 00:04:56,667 --> 00:04:57,633 WORK? 216 00:04:57,633 --> 00:04:59,867 MAN, GET OUT OF HERE WITH THAT. 217 00:04:59,867 --> 00:05:02,133 WHEN I WAS HIS AGE, I HAD FIVE 218 00:05:02,133 --> 00:05:04,467 JOBS. 219 00:05:04,467 --> 00:05:06,933 I WAS 5 YEARS OLD WHEN I GOT MY 220 00:05:06,933 --> 00:05:08,967 FIRST JOB. 221 00:05:08,967 --> 00:05:10,900 I'LL NEVER FORGET IT. 222 00:05:10,900 --> 00:05:12,200 I REMEMBER IT WAS THE FIRST JOB 223 00:05:12,200 --> 00:05:12,567 I HAD. 224 00:05:12,567 --> 00:05:13,800 IT WAS IN THE BLIZZARD OF -- 225 00:05:13,800 --> 00:05:16,967 OF -- OF '61. 226 00:05:16,967 --> 00:05:19,567 IT WAS IN JUNE. 227 00:05:19,567 --> 00:05:20,867 I DIDN'T EVEN HAVE SHOES TO GO 228 00:05:20,867 --> 00:05:21,433 TO WORK IN. 229 00:05:21,433 --> 00:05:22,867 I HAD TO GO TO MY COUSIN'S HOUSE 230 00:05:22,867 --> 00:05:25,300 AND GET SOME SHOES BY 7:30 SO I 231 00:05:25,300 --> 00:05:26,933 COULD COME BACK AND HAVE SHOES 232 00:05:26,933 --> 00:05:28,433 ON SO I COULD GO TO MY JOB IN 233 00:05:28,433 --> 00:05:30,167 THE SWAMP, WHERE I USED TO PICK 234 00:05:30,167 --> 00:05:30,600 RICE. 235 00:05:30,600 --> 00:05:32,167 THAT WAS MY FIRST JOB. 236 00:05:32,167 --> 00:05:34,333 THAT WAS AT 8:00 IN THE MORNING. 237 00:05:34,333 --> 00:05:36,300 MY SECOND JOB WAS IN ALABAMA, 238 00:05:36,300 --> 00:05:41,600 THE NEXT STATE OVER. 239 00:05:41,600 --> 00:05:42,333 CALVIN! 240 00:05:42,333 --> 00:05:43,600 COME ON, MAN, WAKE UP. 241 00:05:43,600 --> 00:05:45,167 YOU'RE GONNA LOSE ME CUSTOMERS. 242 00:05:45,167 --> 00:05:46,067 I KNOW, FLOYD. 243 00:05:46,067 --> 00:05:47,133 I'M JUST EXHAUSTED. 244 00:05:47,133 --> 00:05:48,733 MIRANDA AND I HAVE BEEN HAVING 245 00:05:48,733 --> 00:05:51,067 WAY TOO MUCH COFFEE. 246 00:05:51,067 --> 00:05:52,967 BROTHER, YOU CAN NEVER MAKE 247 00:05:52,967 --> 00:05:53,933 WAY TOO MUCH COFFEE. 248 00:05:53,933 --> 00:05:54,800 YES, YOU CAN. 249 00:05:54,800 --> 00:05:56,167 BESIDES, IT'S NOT AS FUN WHEN 250 00:05:56,167 --> 00:05:56,900 IT'S SCHEDULED. 251 00:05:56,900 --> 00:05:58,067 CALVIN, YOU NEED TO STOP 252 00:05:58,067 --> 00:05:58,533 WHINING. 253 00:05:58,533 --> 00:05:59,900 YOU KNOW HOW MANY MEN WOULD LOVE 254 00:05:59,900 --> 00:06:00,867 TO BE IN YOUR SHOES? 255 00:06:00,867 --> 00:06:02,133 THEY COULD HAVE MY SHOES IF I 256 00:06:02,133 --> 00:06:03,367 COULD GET THE REST OF ME TO GO 257 00:06:03,367 --> 00:06:04,233 TO SLEEP. 258 00:06:04,233 --> 00:06:05,433 LOOK. DRINK THIS. 259 00:06:05,433 --> 00:06:06,900 THIS WILL GIVE YOU ENERGY. 260 00:06:06,900 --> 00:06:07,800 WHAT IS IT? 261 00:06:07,800 --> 00:06:09,467 HELL, I DON'T KNOW. 262 00:06:09,467 --> 00:06:10,767 BUT THE M IN MY FAMILY BEEN 263 00:06:10,767 --> 00:06:11,767 DRINKING IT FOR YEARS. 264 00:06:11,767 --> 00:06:12,933 I GOT GALLONS OF THIS STUFF IN 265 00:06:12,933 --> 00:06:13,433 MY GARAGE. 266 00:06:13,433 --> 00:06:14,167 [ CELLPHONE RINGS ] 267 00:06:14,167 --> 00:06:15,433 I DON'T THINK SO, FLOYD. 268 00:06:15,433 --> 00:06:18,633 NO, I CAN'T POUR IT BACK. 269 00:06:18,633 --> 00:06:20,200 [ SIGHS ] 270 00:06:20,200 --> 00:06:22,500 HEY, BABY. 271 00:06:22,500 --> 00:06:25,200 OKAY. 272 00:06:25,200 --> 00:06:26,533 All: COFFEE'S READY? 273 00:06:26,533 --> 00:06:27,167 YEAH. 274 00:06:27,167 --> 00:06:28,467 OKAY, I'LL DRINK IT. 275 00:06:28,467 --> 00:06:29,833 OKAY, THAT'S GOOD. 276 00:06:29,833 --> 00:06:30,733 [ GULPS ] 277 00:06:30,733 --> 00:06:31,533 NO, NO. 278 00:06:31,533 --> 00:06:32,067 OOH! 279 00:06:32,067 --> 00:06:32,500 AHH! 280 00:06:32,500 --> 00:06:34,067 HE'S GETTING A BALD SPOT 281 00:06:34,067 --> 00:06:38,300 ALREADY. 282 00:06:38,300 --> 00:06:39,100 UGH. WHOO! 283 00:06:39,100 --> 00:06:39,900 ALL RIGHT! 284 00:06:39,900 --> 00:06:41,367 I'M ABOUT TO DA-DA-DAZZLE. 285 00:06:41,367 --> 00:06:42,333 ALL RIGHT, NOW! 286 00:06:42,333 --> 00:06:43,133 BE BREEZY! 287 00:06:43,133 --> 00:06:43,900 ALL RIGHT! 288 00:06:43,900 --> 00:06:46,600 GO, TIGER, GO! 289 00:06:46,600 --> 00:06:47,933 LAST ONE OF MY COUSINS DRANK IT 290 00:06:47,933 --> 00:06:49,167 LIKE THAT, HE SWAM ALL THE WAY 291 00:06:49,167 --> 00:06:49,900 BACK TO AFRICA. 292 00:06:49,900 --> 00:06:50,800 HEY, MALIK. 293 00:06:50,800 --> 00:06:51,733 HEY, MR. PAYNE. 294 00:06:51,733 --> 00:06:53,200 HEY, HEY, HEY, HEY, HEY. 295 00:06:53,200 --> 00:06:54,567 HEY, WHERE CALVIN GOING? 296 00:06:54,567 --> 00:06:55,967 HE ALMOST KNOCKED ME DOWN. 297 00:06:55,967 --> 00:06:58,467 IS THAT POSSIBLE? 298 00:06:58,467 --> 00:07:00,367 SO, WHAT'S GOING ON, SIZ-IR? 299 00:07:00,367 --> 00:07:01,367 FL-ZIZ-OYD. 300 00:07:01,367 --> 00:07:02,333 [ LAUGHS ] 301 00:07:02,333 --> 00:07:04,167 HOW'S THE FIRE BUSINESS GOING? 302 00:07:04,167 --> 00:07:04,967 SMOKING. 303 00:07:04,967 --> 00:07:05,933 [ BOTH LAUGH ] 304 00:07:05,933 --> 00:07:07,767 HOW'S THE HAIR BUSINESS, FLOYD? 305 00:07:07,767 --> 00:07:08,567 GROWING. 306 00:07:08,567 --> 00:07:09,933 [ BOTH LAUGH ] 307 00:07:09,933 --> 00:07:11,067 EXCEPT RIGHT THERE. 308 00:07:11,067 --> 00:07:13,400 EXCEPT RIGHT THERE. 309 00:07:13,400 --> 00:07:14,733 OLD PEOPLE. 310 00:07:14,733 --> 00:07:16,267 SO, I MEAN, WHAT I CAN I DO 311 00:07:16,267 --> 00:07:17,400 FOR Y'ALL TODAY, BRO? 312 00:07:17,400 --> 00:07:17,900 OH. 313 00:07:17,900 --> 00:07:19,500 WE'RE LOOKING FOR A JOB, FLOYD. 314 00:07:19,500 --> 00:07:21,067 OH, OKAY, BUT, UM, I DON'T 315 00:07:21,067 --> 00:07:22,567 THINK WE GOT A PLACE FOR JHERI 316 00:07:22,567 --> 00:07:24,167 CURLS BLOWING UP ANYMORE, SO YOU 317 00:07:24,167 --> 00:07:25,667 DON'T HAVE TO PUT NO FIRES OUT 318 00:07:25,667 --> 00:07:26,067 HERE. 319 00:07:26,067 --> 00:07:26,633 OH, STOP. 320 00:07:26,633 --> 00:07:27,733 I AIN'T TALKING ABOUT ME. 321 00:07:27,733 --> 00:07:28,733 I'M TALKING ABOUT MALIK. 322 00:07:28,733 --> 00:07:30,067 LOOK, I COULD SWEEP UP, RUN 323 00:07:30,067 --> 00:07:31,333 ERRANDS, ANYTHINGOU NEED ME TO 324 00:07:31,333 --> 00:07:31,633 DO. 325 00:07:31,633 --> 00:07:32,667 THAT'S WHAT I'M TALKING 326 00:07:32,667 --> 00:07:33,067 ABOUT! 327 00:07:33,067 --> 00:07:33,900 Y'ALL HEAR THAT, GIRLS? 328 00:07:33,900 --> 00:07:34,433 A GO-GETTER. 329 00:07:34,433 --> 00:07:35,700 THAT'S WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT! 330 00:07:35,700 --> 00:07:36,400 OH! 331 00:07:36,400 --> 00:07:38,600 THAT'S SO WONDERFUL, WONDERFUL! 332 00:07:38,600 --> 00:07:39,667 BOY, YOU A GO-GETTER. 333 00:07:39,667 --> 00:07:41,233 REMINDS ME OF ME WHEN I WAS YOUR 334 00:07:41,233 --> 00:07:41,600 AGE. 335 00:07:41,600 --> 00:07:44,433 BOY, I REMEMBER...I WAS JUST 336 00:07:44,433 --> 00:07:47,233 LIKE YOU EXCEPT...I WAS A LOT 337 00:07:47,233 --> 00:07:49,600 TALLER, AND I WAS MORE HANDSOME, 338 00:07:49,600 --> 00:07:51,500 AND I WAS MORE ATHLETIC. 339 00:07:51,500 --> 00:07:53,300 I HAD A GIRLFRIEND, AND I HAD A 340 00:07:53,300 --> 00:07:54,467 VEGA STATION WAGON. 341 00:07:54,467 --> 00:07:55,767 OKAY, OKAY, OKAY. 342 00:07:55,767 --> 00:07:57,533 A C.B. ANTNA ON THE BACK. 343 00:07:57,533 --> 00:07:58,167 OKAY. 344 00:07:58,167 --> 00:07:59,667 LOOK, MAN, I GET IT, OKAY? 345 00:07:59,667 --> 00:08:00,367 OKAY. 346 00:08:00,367 --> 00:08:01,833 LOOK, WHEN CAN I START? 347 00:08:01,833 --> 00:08:03,167 YOU CAN START RIGHT NOW...AS 348 00:08:03,167 --> 00:08:04,300 SOON AS YOU WATCH THAT TONE, 349 00:08:04,300 --> 00:08:04,800 ALL RIGHT? 350 00:08:04,800 --> 00:08:06,867 ALL RIGHT. 351 00:08:10,500 --> 00:08:11,667 ALL RIGHT, FLOYD, I'LL SEE 352 00:08:11,667 --> 00:08:12,600 YOU IN ABOUT A HOUR. 353 00:08:12,600 --> 00:08:13,467 WE GOING TO LUNCH. 354 00:08:13,467 --> 00:08:14,133 ALL RIGHT. 355 00:08:14,133 --> 00:08:14,900 I'LL SEE Y'ALL. 356 00:08:14,900 --> 00:08:17,700 ALL RIGHT. 357 00:08:17,700 --> 00:08:18,833 WHERE DO YOU THINK YOU'RE 358 00:08:18,833 --> 00:08:20,167 GOING? 359 00:08:20,167 --> 00:08:21,167 I'M GOING WITH YOU. 360 00:08:21,167 --> 00:08:22,233 NO, YOU'RE NOT. 361 00:08:22,233 --> 00:08:23,067 YOU MESSED UP. 362 00:08:23,067 --> 00:08:24,567 NEXT TIME I TELL YOU "SMACK A 363 00:08:24,567 --> 00:08:29,300 CHICK," YOU SMACK HER. 364 00:08:29,300 --> 00:08:30,800 LOOK HERE. 365 00:08:30,800 --> 00:08:32,100 I NEED YOU TO DO SOMETHING FOR 366 00:08:32,100 --> 00:08:32,400 ME. 367 00:08:32,400 --> 00:08:33,633 I NEED YOU TO WATCH THE SHOP 368 00:08:33,633 --> 00:08:34,933 BECAUSE I GOT SOMETHING VERY, 369 00:08:34,933 --> 00:08:35,867 VERY IMPORTANT TO DO. 370 00:08:35,867 --> 00:08:37,433 WELL, WHAT'S THAT? 371 00:08:37,433 --> 00:08:39,167 I GOT TO TAKE A NAP. 372 00:08:39,167 --> 00:08:39,833 AND LOOK HERE. 373 00:08:39,833 --> 00:08:41,067 WHEN YOU FINISH -- GET THROUGH 374 00:08:41,067 --> 00:08:42,400 STRAIGHTENING UP THE WHOLE PLACE 375 00:08:42,400 --> 00:08:43,600 AND SWEEPING UP REAL GOOD, I 376 00:08:43,600 --> 00:08:44,900 NEED YOU TO CLEAN THOSE CLIPPERS 377 00:08:44,900 --> 00:08:46,200 OUT OVER THERE 'CAUSE THAT GIRL 378 00:08:46,200 --> 00:08:53,500 KIKI A REAL TRIFLE, ALL RIGHT? 379 00:08:53,500 --> 00:08:54,300 YO, WHAT'S UP? 380 00:08:54,300 --> 00:08:55,533 I NEED A TRIM UP IN THE BACK. 381 00:08:55,533 --> 00:08:56,333 I'M SORRY, MAN. 382 00:08:56,333 --> 00:08:57,300 EVERYBODY'S ON BREAK. 383 00:08:57,300 --> 00:08:58,667 WELL, COME ON, I CAN'T WAIT. 384 00:08:58,667 --> 00:09:00,067 LOOK, I JUST STARTED A NEW JOB 385 00:09:00,067 --> 00:09:01,433 TODAY, AND IT'S A BIG PROMOTION. 386 00:09:01,433 --> 00:09:03,100 WHAT ABOUT YOU, LITTLE MAN? 387 00:09:03,100 --> 00:09:05,267 CAN YOU TRIM ME IN THE BACK? 388 00:09:05,267 --> 00:09:06,500 WELL, YEAH, UH, YEAH. 389 00:09:06,500 --> 00:09:12,100 GO ON -- GO ON, SIT DOWN. 390 00:09:12,100 --> 00:09:13,233 ALL RIGHT. 391 00:09:13,233 --> 00:09:15,300 HEY, UH...HOW LONG YOU BEEN 392 00:09:15,300 --> 00:09:16,567 CUTTING HAIR FOR? 393 00:09:16,567 --> 00:09:17,867 WHO -- WHO ME? 394 00:09:17,867 --> 00:09:19,300 UH, HOW LONG? 395 00:09:19,300 --> 00:09:20,433 NOT -- NOT LONG. 396 00:09:20,433 --> 00:09:22,233 [ CLIPPERS BUZZING ] 397 00:09:22,233 --> 00:09:22,933 [ SIGHS ] 398 00:09:22,933 --> 00:09:24,700 SO, UM, WHAT'S UP WITH YOUR NEW 399 00:09:24,700 --> 00:09:25,133 JOB? 400 00:09:25,133 --> 00:09:26,867 I'M IN CHARGE OF SALES, WHICH 401 00:09:26,867 --> 00:09:28,433 IS A LOT OF RESPONSIBILITY. 402 00:09:28,433 --> 00:09:29,400 I'M A LITTLE NERVOUS. 403 00:09:29,400 --> 00:09:30,500 WELL, YOU KNOW WHAT? 404 00:09:30,500 --> 00:09:32,067 JUST THINK OF WHATEVER MAKES YOU 405 00:09:32,067 --> 00:09:33,333 HAPPY, AND IT WILL RELAX YOU. 406 00:09:33,333 --> 00:09:33,867 OKAY. 407 00:09:33,867 --> 00:09:35,267 WELL, THAT WOULD BE MY GIRL. 408 00:09:35,267 --> 00:09:36,600 WE'VE BEEN GOING THROUGH IT. 409 00:09:36,600 --> 00:09:37,733 YOU HEARD OF DR. PHIL? 410 00:09:37,733 --> 00:09:38,300 YEAH. 411 00:09:38,300 --> 00:09:39,800 WELL, THEYALL ME DR. MALIK. 412 00:09:39,800 --> 00:09:41,267 WHEN YOUR GIRL COMES UP TO YOU, 413 00:09:41,267 --> 00:09:42,633 SHE, "BLAH, BLAH, BLAH, BLAH," 414 00:09:42,633 --> 00:09:44,067 SHE ALL IN YOUR EAR, YOU KNOW? 415 00:09:44,067 --> 00:09:45,267 YOU KNOW -- YOU KNOW WHAT 416 00:09:45,267 --> 00:09:46,167 THEY -- YOU KNOW. 417 00:09:46,167 --> 00:09:47,467 WHO CARES WHAT THEY TALKING 418 00:09:47,467 --> 00:09:48,933 ABOUT, YOU KNOW WHAT I'M SAYING? 419 00:09:48,933 --> 00:09:50,767 LOOK, JUST THROW IN A FEW, 420 00:09:50,767 --> 00:09:51,467 "UH-HUH. 421 00:09:51,467 --> 00:09:51,933 MM. 422 00:09:51,933 --> 00:09:53,267 OH, IS THAT RIGHT? 423 00:09:53,267 --> 00:09:55,233 OKAY. I'M SORRY." 424 00:09:55,233 --> 00:09:56,600 AND THEN WHEN YOU FINISH, JUST 425 00:09:56,600 --> 00:09:57,667 BE LIKE, "LOOK, BABY. 426 00:09:57,667 --> 00:09:59,100 I AIN'T EVEN SEE IT THAT WAY." 427 00:09:59,100 --> 00:10:00,567 AND THEN YOU'LL BE ALL RIGHT, 428 00:10:00,567 --> 00:10:02,133 YOU KNOW? 429 00:10:02,133 --> 00:10:03,267 ALL RIGHT. 430 00:10:03,267 --> 00:10:04,400 THANKS, MAN. 431 00:10:04,400 --> 00:10:06,900 [ BUZZING STOPS ] 432 00:10:06,900 --> 00:10:10,267 THERE YOU GO. 433 00:10:10,267 --> 00:10:11,033 OH, WOW. 434 00:10:11,033 --> 00:10:12,000 THIS IS TIGHT. 435 00:10:12,000 --> 00:10:13,600 HEY, THANKS FOR HOOKING A 436 00:10:13,600 --> 00:10:15,900 BROTHER UP, MAN. 437 00:10:15,900 --> 00:10:17,300 MALIK, WHAT ARE YOU DOING? 438 00:10:17,300 --> 00:10:18,767 GIVING ME A TRIM UP IN THE 439 00:10:18,767 --> 00:10:19,167 BACK. 440 00:10:19,167 --> 00:10:19,733 HEY, YO. 441 00:10:19,733 --> 00:10:21,133 THANKS FOR THE HOOKUP, MAN. 442 00:10:21,133 --> 00:10:22,200 HOW MUCH I OWE YOU? 443 00:10:22,200 --> 00:10:23,667 LOOK, MAN, I CAN'T ACCEPT 444 00:10:23,667 --> 00:10:24,633 ANYTHING BUT TIPS. 445 00:10:24,633 --> 00:10:25,400 LOOK, MAN. 446 00:10:25,400 --> 00:10:26,667 WELL, HERE'S A $20 TIP. 447 00:10:26,667 --> 00:10:28,000 WOW. 448 00:10:28,000 --> 00:10:28,967 ALL RIGHT? 449 00:10:28,967 --> 00:10:30,567 OKAY, DR. MALIK. 450 00:10:30,567 --> 00:10:32,033 [ SPEAKS INDISTINCTLY ] 451 00:10:32,033 --> 00:10:33,900 ALL RIGHT. 452 00:10:33,900 --> 00:10:35,167 LOOK. 453 00:10:35,167 --> 00:10:36,133 I GOT A 20. 454 00:10:36,133 --> 00:10:38,067 THAT IS SUCH A COINCIDENCE. 455 00:10:38,067 --> 00:10:40,600 I JUST MADE $20, TOO. 456 00:10:45,033 --> 00:10:47,833 SO, ARE YOU NERVOUS? 457 00:10:47,833 --> 00:10:48,667 A LITTLE. 458 00:10:48,667 --> 00:10:50,333 WELL, LOOK, DON'T WORRY, 459 00:10:50,333 --> 00:10:50,900 BABY. 460 00:10:50,900 --> 00:10:52,567 WOMEN HAVE PROBLEMS GETTING 461 00:10:52,567 --> 00:10:55,133 PREGNANT ALL THE TIME. 462 00:10:55,133 --> 00:10:56,967 EVERYTHING WILL BE OKAY. 463 00:10:56,967 --> 00:10:58,900 I HOPE, BABY. 464 00:10:58,900 --> 00:11:00,567 HEY, BABY, DO YOU WANT SOME 465 00:11:00,567 --> 00:11:01,100 COFFEE? 466 00:11:01,100 --> 00:11:02,367 HERE? 467 00:11:02,367 --> 00:11:03,600 I-IN THE DOCTOR'S OFFICE? 468 00:11:03,600 --> 00:11:04,133 YEAH. 469 00:11:04,133 --> 00:11:05,233 OOH, YOU'RE A FREAK. 470 00:11:05,233 --> 00:11:06,067 YOU'RE A FREAK. 471 00:11:06,067 --> 00:11:09,200 BABY! ACTUAL COFFEE! 472 00:11:09,200 --> 00:11:09,733 OH. 473 00:11:09,733 --> 00:11:10,467 OH, Y-YEAH. 474 00:11:10,467 --> 00:11:11,267 [ LAUGHS ] 475 00:11:11,267 --> 00:11:12,700 I KNEW WHAT YOU MEANT. 476 00:11:12,700 --> 00:11:14,700 NAW, I'M GOOD. 477 00:11:18,633 --> 00:11:21,133 BABY. 478 00:11:21,133 --> 00:11:22,867 BABY, WHAT IF I CAN'T HAVE KIDS? 479 00:11:22,867 --> 00:11:24,500 WILL YOU THINK OF ME AS LESS OF 480 00:11:24,500 --> 00:11:25,100 A WOMAN? 481 00:11:25,100 --> 00:11:26,800 NO, BABY, I WOULD NEVER THINK 482 00:11:26,800 --> 00:11:27,233 THAT. 483 00:11:27,233 --> 00:11:28,767 IF WE CAN'T HAVE KIDS, WE'LL 484 00:11:28,767 --> 00:11:30,167 JUST ADOPT OR TAKE ONE OF 485 00:11:30,167 --> 00:11:30,733 C.J.'s. 486 00:11:30,733 --> 00:11:31,767 HE WON'T MISS ONE. 487 00:11:31,767 --> 00:11:32,533 [ LAUGHS ] 488 00:11:32,533 --> 00:11:33,900 WE'LL BE THE NEXT BRAD AND 489 00:11:33,900 --> 00:11:35,300 ANGELINA. 490 00:11:35,300 --> 00:11:36,967 WILL YOU STILL LOVE ME? 491 00:11:36,967 --> 00:11:38,800 OF COURSE I WILL, ANGELINA. 492 00:11:38,800 --> 00:11:39,433 AW. 493 00:11:39,433 --> 00:11:40,933 MR. AND MRS. PAYNE, 494 00:11:40,933 --> 00:11:43,100 DR. JONES IS NOT HERE TODAY, SO 495 00:11:43,100 --> 00:11:45,400 I WILL -- OH, NO! 496 00:11:45,400 --> 00:11:46,500 IT'S YOU! 497 00:11:46,500 --> 00:11:48,167 Both: IT'S HIM! 498 00:11:48,167 --> 00:11:49,967 TYRONE AND MOESHA. 499 00:11:49,967 --> 00:11:51,400 YOU'RE THE CRAZY PEOPLE WHO GET 500 00:11:51,400 --> 00:11:52,800 MARRIED IN MY DELIVERY ROOM. 501 00:11:52,800 --> 00:11:54,133 YEAH, AND YOU'RE THE CRAZY 502 00:11:54,133 --> 00:11:55,500 DOCTOR FROM THE DELIVERY ROOM. 503 00:11:55,500 --> 00:11:57,833 SO, HOW'S IT GOING? 504 00:11:57,833 --> 00:11:58,900 YOU TELL US. 505 00:11:58,900 --> 00:12:00,400 YOU HAVE THE RESULTS. 506 00:12:00,400 --> 00:12:01,300 OH, YES. 507 00:12:01,300 --> 00:12:02,567 SIT DOWN, PLEASE. 508 00:12:02,567 --> 00:12:04,333 I MUST BRACE YOU FOR THE BAD 509 00:12:04,333 --> 00:12:04,900 NEWS. 510 00:12:04,900 --> 00:12:06,067 BABY. 511 00:12:06,067 --> 00:12:07,700 I'M JOKING! 512 00:12:07,700 --> 00:12:08,633 HA! 513 00:12:08,633 --> 00:12:10,233 LITTLE DOCTOR HUMOR. 514 00:12:10,233 --> 00:12:12,167 YOU GOT ME. [ CHUCKLES ] 515 00:12:12,167 --> 00:12:14,567 OKAY, OKAY, OKAY. 516 00:12:14,567 --> 00:12:18,933 LET'S TAKE A LOOK. 517 00:12:18,933 --> 00:12:21,500 MM-HMM. MM-HMM. MM-HMM. 518 00:12:21,500 --> 00:12:23,100 AHA. 519 00:12:23,100 --> 00:12:23,800 UH-OH. 520 00:12:23,800 --> 00:12:24,600 U-UH-OH? 521 00:12:24,600 --> 00:12:27,533 AIN'T NO "UH-OH" IN RESULTS. 522 00:12:27,533 --> 00:12:29,600 YES, THERE IS UH-OH. 523 00:12:29,600 --> 00:12:30,700 I SEE NOW WHY YOU'RE HAVING 524 00:12:30,700 --> 00:12:31,567 TROUBLE CONCEIVING. 525 00:12:31,567 --> 00:12:32,567 GO AHEAD AND TELL HER, 526 00:12:32,567 --> 00:12:33,067 DOCTOR. 527 00:12:33,067 --> 00:12:34,267 I ALREADY PREPARED HER FOR THE 528 00:12:34,267 --> 00:12:34,667 WORST. 529 00:12:34,667 --> 00:12:35,233 SHE'S READY. 530 00:12:35,233 --> 00:12:36,267 IT'S NOT YOUR FAULT, BABY. 531 00:12:36,267 --> 00:12:37,200 IT'S NOT YOUR FAULT. 532 00:12:37,200 --> 00:12:38,067 IT'S NOT YOUR FAULT. 533 00:12:38,067 --> 00:12:39,333 FRESH PRINCE IS RIGHT, 534 00:12:39,333 --> 00:12:41,067 SHANAYNAY. 535 00:12:41,067 --> 00:12:42,433 THERE IS ONLY ONE THING KEEPING 536 00:12:42,433 --> 00:12:45,967 YOU FROM HAVING A BABY -- HIM. 537 00:12:45,967 --> 00:12:48,433 LIL' WAYNE HERE HAS A LOW SPERM 538 00:12:48,433 --> 00:12:49,233 COUNT. 539 00:12:54,867 --> 00:12:55,500 WHAT?! 540 00:12:55,500 --> 00:12:56,833 I GOT A LOW SPERM COUNT? 541 00:12:56,833 --> 00:12:58,133 NO, I DEMAND A RECOUNT. 542 00:12:58,133 --> 00:12:59,800 MAYBE ALL MY BOYS DIDN'T VOTE. 543 00:12:59,800 --> 00:13:01,633 SHOOT, I GOT A MILLION MAN MARCH 544 00:13:01,633 --> 00:13:02,667 GOING ON IN HERE. 545 00:13:02,667 --> 00:13:05,233 NO, ACTUALLY, YOU GOT MORE 546 00:13:05,233 --> 00:13:07,400 LIKE SIX GUYS IN A PARK PLAYING 547 00:13:07,400 --> 00:13:08,367 BASKETBALL. 548 00:13:08,367 --> 00:13:10,300 "THROW ME THE BALL, LEROY!" 549 00:13:10,300 --> 00:13:13,433 "NO, NO, YOU THROW ME A BALL!" 550 00:13:13,433 --> 00:13:14,600 OKAY, WAIT, WAIT, WAIT. 551 00:13:14,600 --> 00:13:16,100 SO NOW THAT WE KNOW HE'S THE ONE 552 00:13:16,100 --> 00:13:17,333 WITH THE LITTLE PROBLEM -- 553 00:13:17,333 --> 00:13:18,067 WHOA, WHOA! 554 00:13:18,067 --> 00:13:22,467 I AIN'T GOT NO LITTLE PROBLEMS. 555 00:13:22,467 --> 00:13:24,600 SO, DOCTOR, WHAT CAN WE DO? 556 00:13:24,600 --> 00:13:25,933 WELL, JUST BECAUSE YOU'RE A 557 00:13:25,933 --> 00:13:28,067 FEW BEERS SHORT OF A SIX-PACK OR 558 00:13:28,067 --> 00:13:29,200 A COUPLE OF SANDWICHES SHY OF 559 00:13:29,200 --> 00:13:30,333 THE PICNIC, YOU AIN'T GOT NO 560 00:13:30,333 --> 00:13:31,700 SPRINKLES ON THE DOUGHNUTS, AND 561 00:13:31,700 --> 00:13:32,867 THE DRIVEWAY DON'T MEET THE 562 00:13:32,867 --> 00:13:33,333 ROAD -- 563 00:13:33,333 --> 00:13:34,567 OKAY, OKAY, I GOT IT. 564 00:13:34,567 --> 00:13:35,633 I GOT IT. I GET IT. 565 00:13:35,633 --> 00:13:37,133 IT DOESN'T MEAN YOU CANNOT 566 00:13:37,133 --> 00:13:37,767 CONCEIVE. 567 00:13:37,767 --> 00:13:39,067 IT JUST MAKES IT A BIT 568 00:13:39,067 --> 00:13:39,633 DIFFICULT. 569 00:13:39,633 --> 00:13:41,633 OR YOU COULD ALWAYS ADOPT. 570 00:13:41,633 --> 00:13:42,900 PSH! PSH! 571 00:13:42,900 --> 00:13:43,900 ADOPT? 572 00:13:43,900 --> 00:13:44,867 WE AIN'T ADOPTING. 573 00:13:44,867 --> 00:13:46,433 WHO YOU THINK WE ARE -- BRAD AND 574 00:13:46,433 --> 00:13:47,367 ANGELINA? 575 00:13:47,367 --> 00:13:47,867 UNH-UNH. 576 00:13:47,867 --> 00:13:49,533 BABY, JUST A MINUTE AGO WHEN 577 00:13:49,533 --> 00:13:51,100 YOU THOUGHT IT WAS MY PROBLEM, 578 00:13:51,100 --> 00:13:52,567 YOU WERE ALL ABOUT ADOPTING. 579 00:13:52,567 --> 00:13:54,200 OH, BABY, THAT'S 'CAUSE YOU A 580 00:13:54,200 --> 00:13:54,667 GIRL. 581 00:13:54,667 --> 00:13:56,733 MY MANHOOD'S AT STAKE NOW. 582 00:13:56,733 --> 00:13:58,967 TELL ME, MR. PAYNE -- DO YOU 583 00:13:58,967 --> 00:14:00,100 WEAR BOXERS OR BRIEFS? 584 00:14:00,100 --> 00:14:01,400 OKAY, WHY YOU IN MY BUSINESS? 585 00:14:01,400 --> 00:14:02,467 I DON'T KNOW YOU LIKE THAT. 586 00:14:02,467 --> 00:14:03,667 I DIDN'T ASK YOU IF YOU GOT ON 587 00:14:03,667 --> 00:14:05,100 THONGS ARE BOY SHORTS. 588 00:14:05,100 --> 00:14:06,967 I DON'T WEAR NO DRAWERS. 589 00:14:06,967 --> 00:14:10,233 THAT'S WHY I GOT SEVEN KIDS. 590 00:14:10,233 --> 00:14:11,833 HOW DO YOUR PEOPLE SAY IN THE 591 00:14:11,833 --> 00:14:13,167 UNDERGROUND RAILROAD? 592 00:14:13,167 --> 00:14:18,067 GIVE US US FREE! 593 00:14:18,067 --> 00:14:19,333 IT'S LIKE THAT. 594 00:14:19,333 --> 00:14:21,733 YOU SEE, IF YOU WEAR BOXERS, IT 595 00:14:21,733 --> 00:14:24,200 GIVES MORE ROOM FOR YOUR MILLION 596 00:14:24,200 --> 00:14:25,867 MEN TO MARCH. 597 00:14:25,867 --> 00:14:28,400 IF NOT, THEN YOUR MILLION MEN 598 00:14:28,400 --> 00:14:30,800 BECOME ONE MAN, AND HE IS SO 599 00:14:30,800 --> 00:14:32,100 LONELY. 600 00:14:32,100 --> 00:14:36,300 [ Imitating echoing ] "HELLO?" 601 00:14:36,300 --> 00:14:38,067 SO, DR. JAFFE -- 602 00:14:38,067 --> 00:14:39,467 YES, BONQUISHA? 603 00:14:39,467 --> 00:14:41,067 LISTEN -- MIRANDA. 604 00:14:41,067 --> 00:14:42,967 WAIT, HE SAW THE FAKE I.D.s? 605 00:14:42,967 --> 00:14:44,733 NOT NOW, BABY, NOT NOW. 606 00:14:44,733 --> 00:14:47,500 SO IS THERE ANYTHING ELSE THAT 607 00:14:47,500 --> 00:14:48,300 WE CAN DO? 608 00:14:48,300 --> 00:14:50,133 YES, YOU SHOULD CUT BACK ON 609 00:14:50,133 --> 00:14:51,900 ALCOHOL -- THAT MEANS NO MORE 610 00:14:51,900 --> 00:14:55,367 40s -- AND CAFFEINE, AND MOST 611 00:14:55,367 --> 00:14:57,200 IMPORTANTLY, YOU SHOULD MINIMIZE 612 00:14:57,200 --> 00:14:58,167 YOUR STRESS. 613 00:14:58,167 --> 00:14:59,167 [ CHUCKLES ] 614 00:14:59,167 --> 00:15:00,933 LISTEN TO ME -- "MINIMIZE, CUT 615 00:15:00,933 --> 00:15:01,467 BACK." 616 00:15:01,467 --> 00:15:03,633 THIS IS YOUR PROBLEM NOW! 617 00:15:03,633 --> 00:15:05,400 OKAY, YOU'RE STRESSING ME OUT 618 00:15:05,400 --> 00:15:06,133 RIGHT NOW. 619 00:15:06,133 --> 00:15:07,767 BECAUSE OF YOU, I JUST LOST A 620 00:15:07,767 --> 00:15:08,667 THOUSAND MORE. 621 00:15:08,667 --> 00:15:09,967 I'M SORRY, BABY. 622 00:15:09,967 --> 00:15:12,567 OH, BABY, IT'S OKAY. 623 00:15:12,567 --> 00:15:13,133 LISTEN. 624 00:15:13,133 --> 00:15:14,867 WE'RE GONNA GO TO THE MALL, AND 625 00:15:14,867 --> 00:15:16,867 WE'RE GONNA GET YOU SOME BIG-ASS 626 00:15:16,867 --> 00:15:17,700 DRAWERS, OKAY? 627 00:15:17,700 --> 00:15:18,833 SO I CAN BE BREEZY? 628 00:15:18,833 --> 00:15:21,533 YOU CAN BE BREEZY. 629 00:15:21,533 --> 00:15:23,300 THEN WE'LL GO HOME AND PRACTICE. 630 00:15:23,300 --> 00:15:24,567 TIME TO MAKE SOME COFFEE? 631 00:15:24,567 --> 00:15:26,700 OH, YEAH, BABY. 632 00:15:32,867 --> 00:15:34,567 HOLLA. 633 00:15:37,833 --> 00:15:39,567 MAN...I AIN'T HAD NO 634 00:15:39,567 --> 00:15:40,600 CUSTOMERS ALL DAY. 635 00:15:40,600 --> 00:15:42,133 THAT LITTLE BOY IS MESSING WITH 636 00:15:42,133 --> 00:15:43,067 MY MONEY, FLOYD. 637 00:15:43,067 --> 00:15:44,100 I'LL BEAT UP A KID. 638 00:15:44,100 --> 00:15:44,933 I DON'T CARE. 639 00:15:44,933 --> 00:15:46,533 HEY, HEY, HEY. 640 00:15:46,533 --> 00:15:47,900 OOH, GIRL, I FEEL FOR YOU, 641 00:15:47,900 --> 00:15:49,233 BUT MY POCKETS DON'T 'CAUSE 642 00:15:49,233 --> 00:15:50,600 SINCE THAT BOY STARTED WORKING 643 00:15:50,600 --> 00:15:52,100 HERE, MY CUSTOMERS HAVE DOUBLED. 644 00:15:52,100 --> 00:15:53,533 AS A MATTER OF FACT, SINCE 645 00:15:53,533 --> 00:15:54,800 YOU AVAILABLE, GO AHEAD AND PUT 646 00:15:54,800 --> 00:15:55,700 SOME MORE MONEY IN THE METER 647 00:15:55,700 --> 00:15:57,533 FOR MY CAR. 648 00:15:57,533 --> 00:15:59,167 AND WHEN YOU GET BACK, MAKE SURE 649 00:15:59,167 --> 00:16:00,533 YOU SWEEP UP EVERYTHING. 650 00:16:00,533 --> 00:16:02,067 JUST TAKE A LITTLE OFF THE 651 00:16:02,067 --> 00:16:02,467 TOP. 652 00:16:02,467 --> 00:16:03,833 ALL RIGHT, NO PROBLEM. 653 00:16:03,833 --> 00:16:05,567 I SEE YOU'RE REALLY POPULAR. 654 00:16:05,567 --> 00:16:07,267 HOW LONG YOU BEEN CUTTING HAIR? 655 00:16:07,267 --> 00:16:08,900 OH, LONG ENOUGH TO STACK UP 656 00:16:08,900 --> 00:16:10,067 SOME MAJOR CHEDDAR. 657 00:16:10,067 --> 00:16:12,533 LOOK, I MAY BE ONLY 14, BUT I'M 658 00:16:12,533 --> 00:16:13,433 BALLIN'! 659 00:16:13,433 --> 00:16:14,267 WOW. 660 00:16:14,267 --> 00:16:16,300 WELL, YOU MUST BE THE MAN. 661 00:16:16,300 --> 00:16:17,567 WELL, YOU KNOW, SOMETHING 662 00:16:17,567 --> 00:16:18,167 LIKE THAT. 663 00:16:18,167 --> 00:16:19,600 HEY, YOU WANT ME TO DO SOMETHING 664 00:16:19,600 --> 00:16:20,100 SPECIAL? 665 00:16:20,100 --> 00:16:21,333 HOW ABOUT I CUT YOUR NAME IN 666 00:16:21,333 --> 00:16:21,900 YOUR HAIR? 667 00:16:21,900 --> 00:16:23,900 NO, WHAT I WANT IS TO SEE 668 00:16:23,900 --> 00:16:25,700 OUR NAME ON YOUR BARBER'S Y 669 00:16:25,700 --> 00:16:27,600 LICENSE. 670 00:16:27,600 --> 00:16:31,167 UH...W-WHAT'S THAT? 671 00:16:31,167 --> 00:16:33,067 I'M INSPECTOR THOMPSON WITH 672 00:16:33,067 --> 00:16:33,833 THE BOARD OF BARBERING AND 673 00:16:33,833 --> 00:16:35,067 COSMETOLOGY. 674 00:16:35,067 --> 00:16:36,167 Y'ALL HAVE BADGES? 675 00:16:36,167 --> 00:16:37,400 YOU HAVE AN UNLICENSED 676 00:16:37,400 --> 00:16:38,733 UNDERAGE EMPLOYEE WORKING HERE, 677 00:16:38,733 --> 00:16:40,067 AND IF HE DOESN'T STOP CUTTING 678 00:16:40,067 --> 00:16:41,300 HAIR IMMEDIATELY, I WILL SHUT 679 00:16:41,300 --> 00:16:42,100 THIS PLACE DOWN. 680 00:16:42,100 --> 00:16:43,867 HEY, HEY, LOOK, LOOK. 681 00:16:43,867 --> 00:16:45,800 I DON'T KNOW HIM THAT WELL. 682 00:16:45,800 --> 00:16:47,133 HE SAID HE WAS 37. 683 00:16:47,133 --> 00:16:48,933 YEAH, I THOUGHT HE HAD THE 684 00:16:48,933 --> 00:16:51,133 GARY COLEMAN THING GOING ON AND 685 00:16:51,133 --> 00:16:53,300 ALL THAT. 686 00:16:53,300 --> 00:16:55,133 YOU GET YOUR EMMANUEL LEWIS ON 687 00:16:55,133 --> 00:16:58,100 UP OUT OF HERE. 688 00:16:58,100 --> 00:16:59,700 WELL, I GUESS MY JOB HERE IS 689 00:16:59,700 --> 00:17:00,200 DONE. 690 00:17:00,200 --> 00:17:01,967 [ CLICKS TONGUE ] 691 00:17:05,633 --> 00:17:10,167 BYE, BOOBOO. 692 00:17:10,167 --> 00:17:11,133 YOU KNOW HIM? 693 00:17:11,133 --> 00:17:11,967 KNOW HIM? 694 00:17:11,967 --> 00:17:14,600 PSH, I CALLED HIM. 695 00:17:14,600 --> 00:17:16,267 DON'T PLAY WITH KIKI'S MONEY. 696 00:17:23,133 --> 00:17:23,867 [ LAUGHTER ] 697 00:17:23,867 --> 00:17:24,967 I DON'T LIKE THIS. 698 00:17:24,967 --> 00:17:27,100 WAIT, WAIT. WATCH THIS, BABY. 699 00:17:27,100 --> 00:17:27,967 HEY, BABY. 700 00:17:27,967 --> 00:17:28,967 HI, MIRANDA. 701 00:17:28,967 --> 00:17:29,667 CALVIN. 702 00:17:29,667 --> 00:17:31,533 CALVIN, WHAT ARE YOU DOING? 703 00:17:31,533 --> 00:17:32,900 WHAT'S THE MATTER, CAL? 704 00:17:32,900 --> 00:17:34,500 YOU LOOK KIND OF DOWN, MAN. 705 00:17:34,500 --> 00:17:35,533 HA! HA HA HA! 706 00:17:35,533 --> 00:17:36,233 I GET IT. 707 00:17:36,233 --> 00:17:37,867 "DOWN," LIKE MY SPERM COUNT. 708 00:17:37,867 --> 00:17:38,500 WHAT? 709 00:17:38,500 --> 00:17:39,700 WHOA, WHOA, HOLD UP. 710 00:17:39,700 --> 00:17:40,333 TIMEOUT. 711 00:17:40,333 --> 00:17:42,133 NOBODY TALKING ABOUT YOUR LITTLE 712 00:17:42,133 --> 00:17:43,500 BUDDIES. 713 00:17:43,500 --> 00:17:44,533 OKAY, CALVIN. 714 00:17:44,533 --> 00:17:45,733 BABY, WHAT IS WRONG? 715 00:17:45,733 --> 00:17:47,433 WELL, MISS ELLA, WE WENT TO 716 00:17:47,433 --> 00:17:49,133 THE DOCTOR TODAY, AND WE FOUND 717 00:17:49,133 --> 00:17:50,800 OUT THAT ACTUALLY IT'S CALVIN 718 00:17:50,800 --> 00:17:52,067 THAT HAS THE LITTLE PROBLEM. 719 00:17:52,067 --> 00:17:53,067 WHOA, WHOA, WHOA. 720 00:17:53,067 --> 00:17:55,933 I DON'T HAVE ANY LITTLE PROBLEM. 721 00:17:55,933 --> 00:17:57,833 OKAY, LET ME REPHRASE IT -- 722 00:17:57,833 --> 00:18:00,067 HIS GUN IS SHOOTING, IT JUST HAS 723 00:18:00,067 --> 00:18:01,167 NO AMMUNITION. 724 00:18:01,167 --> 00:18:01,967 OH. 725 00:18:01,967 --> 00:18:03,067 OH. 726 00:18:03,067 --> 00:18:06,500 EW, EW, EW, EW. EW. 727 00:18:06,500 --> 00:18:09,067 CURTIS. 728 00:18:09,067 --> 00:18:09,867 PLEASE, DON'T. 729 00:18:09,867 --> 00:18:11,300 I AIN'T GOT TO WORRY ABOUT 730 00:18:11,300 --> 00:18:12,433 IT 'CAUSE I'M A PAYNE. 731 00:18:12,433 --> 00:18:13,933 I DON'T KNOW WHERE YOU GOT THAT 732 00:18:13,933 --> 00:18:14,367 FROM. 733 00:18:14,367 --> 00:18:15,867 YOU AIN'T GET IT FROM ME. 734 00:18:15,867 --> 00:18:17,600 PAYNES ARE WARRIORS. 735 00:18:17,600 --> 00:18:18,767 OH-BOO-DA LO-BOO-DA! 736 00:18:18,767 --> 00:18:21,233 UGH! 737 00:18:21,233 --> 00:18:22,900 GOT THAT FROM YOUR MAMA'S SIDE 738 00:18:22,900 --> 00:18:23,800 OF THE FAMILY. 739 00:18:23,800 --> 00:18:24,500 SEE THERE? 740 00:18:24,500 --> 00:18:25,200 SEE, ELLA? 741 00:18:25,200 --> 00:18:26,867 ALL THAT BREAST MILK, ALL THAT 742 00:18:26,867 --> 00:18:28,567 NURTURING, ALL THAT BABYING YOU 743 00:18:28,567 --> 00:18:29,267 WAS DOING? 744 00:18:29,267 --> 00:18:30,067 I TOLD YOU. 745 00:18:30,067 --> 00:18:31,333 NOW YOU GOT THE BOY -- YOU 746 00:18:31,333 --> 00:18:32,833 KILLING HIS BA-- EVERY TIME YOU 747 00:18:32,833 --> 00:18:33,500 BATHED HIM. 748 00:18:33,500 --> 00:18:35,200 BATHED THAT BOY TILL HE 24 YEARS 749 00:18:35,200 --> 00:18:35,600 OLD. 750 00:18:35,600 --> 00:18:36,867 THAT DON'T MAKE NO SENSE. 751 00:18:36,867 --> 00:18:38,267 EVERY TIME YOU BATHED HIM, YOU 752 00:18:38,267 --> 00:18:39,633 WAS KILLING ONE OF HIS LITTLE 753 00:18:39,633 --> 00:18:40,167 BUDDIES. 754 00:18:40,167 --> 00:18:41,467 LOOK, COUSIN CALVIN. 755 00:18:41,467 --> 00:18:43,200 THERE'S PLENTY OF THINGS YOU CAN 756 00:18:43,200 --> 00:18:44,433 DO KEEP YOUR COUNT UP. 757 00:18:44,433 --> 00:18:45,500 JUST DO WHAT I DO. 758 00:18:45,500 --> 00:18:47,233 LOOK, JUST STAY OUT OF JACUZZIS, 759 00:18:47,233 --> 00:18:48,433 STOP RIDING BICYCLES. 760 00:18:48,433 --> 00:18:49,567 WAIT, WAIT, WAIT. 761 00:18:49,567 --> 00:18:50,500 DO WHAT YOU DO? 762 00:18:50,500 --> 00:18:51,533 NO. NO, NO, NO. 763 00:18:51,533 --> 00:18:52,533 L-LET HIM FINISH. 764 00:18:52,533 --> 00:18:54,100 I WANT TO HEAR WHAT YOU DO TO 765 00:18:54,100 --> 00:18:55,200 KEEP YOUR COUNT UP. 766 00:18:55,200 --> 00:18:56,133 GO AHEAD. CONTINUE. 767 00:18:56,133 --> 00:18:57,400 WHAT DO YOU DO TO KEEP YOUR 768 00:18:57,400 --> 00:19:00,267 COUNT UP? 769 00:19:00,267 --> 00:19:01,267 YES. 770 00:19:01,267 --> 00:19:01,933 UH... 771 00:19:01,933 --> 00:19:03,467 I WAS TALKING ABOUT -- I'M GONNA 772 00:19:03,467 --> 00:19:04,267 COUNT MY MATH. 773 00:19:04,267 --> 00:19:05,067 COUNTING. 774 00:19:05,067 --> 00:19:05,533 YEAH. 775 00:19:05,533 --> 00:19:07,167 YEAH. GO AHEAD. 776 00:19:07,167 --> 00:19:09,100 GET COUNTING. 46598

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