Original subtitles

MMM. I SMELL PANCAKES.

YEAH, AND THEY WERE REALLY

YEAH. AND THEY WERE REALLY

GOOD, TOO.

YOU DIDN'T SAVE ME ANY?

YOU SHOULDN'T HAVE SLEPT IN.

WELL...WELL, UNCLE CURTIS,

CAN YOU PASS ME SOME CEREAL?

C WORD? THE MAGIC WORD?

NOW? IT WAS A JOKE. PLEASE.

PLEASE.

VERY GOOD.

C.J., WILL YOU GO TO THE STORE

AND BUY YOUR SON SOME CEREAL,

PLEASE?

THIS IS MINE.

[DOORBELL RINGS]

CURTIS, BABY, CAN YOU GET THE

DOOR, PLEASE?

WHY, YES, BABY.

YOU'RE SO POLITE AND KIND.

GO GET THE DOOR FOR YOUR AUNTIE.

WHAT'S THE MAGIC WORD,

UNCLE CURTIS?

Ass whupping.

WISH YOU WOULD.

TOO OLD TO GET WHUPPINGS.

I HEARD THAT.

WHAT'S UP, MAN?

ARE WE ALONE?

WHY IN THE WORLD WOULD WE

NEED TO BE ALONE?

COME ON OVER.

GOT TO TELL YOU SOMETHING.

SIT DOWN.

NO, NO, STAND UP.

NO, SIT DOWN, SIT DOWN, SIT

DOWN, SIT DOWN.

NO, STAND UP.

WILL YOU JUST MAKE UP YOUR

MIND, ALREADY?

ALL RIGHT, WELL, LOOK AT ME.

DO YOU NOTICE ANYTHING

DIFFERENT?

YEAH, YOU ARE ACTING A LITTLE

WEIRDER THAN USUAL.

HA! IT HAS HAPPENED.

WHAT HAS HAPPENED?

I AM A MAN.

SINCE WHEN?

YOU STILL SLEEP IN A RACE-CAR

BED.

OKAY, I KEEP TELLING YOU,

IT'S COMFORTABLE.

BUT THAT'S NOT WHAT I'M TALKING

ABOUT.

THEN WHAT ARE YOU TALKING

ABOUT?

DO YOU KNOW ASIA?

WHAT, THE CONTINENT?

NO, THE GIRL.

YEAH, WHAT ABOUT HER?

HA HA HA!

SHE MADE A MAN OUT OF ME.

OH, YOU MEAN --

YEAH!

WELL, WHERE?

YEAH.

WHEN?

YEAH.

WILL YOU STOP SAYING "YEAH"

AND JUST TELL ME HOW IT

HAPPENED?

HER PARENTS WENT OUT OF TOWN

AND SHE INVITED ME OVER LAST

NIGHT.

WOW.

YEP.

I HAVE CROSSED OVER INTO

MANHOOD.

OH!

YOU DIDN'T TELL ME YOU HAD

THESE.

LET ME GET SOME MILK.

AH!

HEY.

MMM. BABY, YOU ARE RIGHT ON

TIME FOR DINNER.

OH, NO, THANKS.

IT SMELLS GOOD, BUT THE GAME'S

ON.

YOU GO AHEAD.

YOU WATCHING THIS?

NO? GOOD.

POOKIE-WOOKUMS...DO YOU

REMEMBER THAT CONVERSATION THAT

WE HAD EARLIER THIS MORNING

ABOUT WHAT YOU WANTED FOR DINNER

TONIGHT, AND YOU SAID CHICKEN

MARSALA?

HUH?

OH, YEAH, BUT...I HAD CHICKEN

FOR LUNCH, SO I GRABBED A

BURGER.

BUT I SLAVED OVER THIS STOVE,

AND I COOKED EXACTLY WHAT YOU

WANTED TO HAVE FOR OUR

ANNIVERSARY DINNER TONIGHT.

OKAY, BABY, I REMEMBER,

I REMEMBER.

NOW, WHAT ANNIVERSARY?

ARE YOU SERIOUS?

THIS IS THE ANNIVERSARY OF THE

FIRST TIME THAT WE KISSED.

HAVE YOU FORGOTTEN?

OH! BABY, OF COURSE NOT.

I REMEMBER, I REMEMBER.

IT WAS WHEN WE WAS ON THAT

ROLLER COASTER, AND WE WAS

HOLDING HANDS.

THAT WASN'T ME.

YOU'RE RIGHT, YOU'RE RIGHT.

YOU KNOW WHAT?

IT WAS WHEN WE WERE WALKING ON

PEACH STREET, COMING HOME LATE.

SEE, I REMEMBER.

CALVIN, THAT WASN'T ME,

EITHER.

SEE, I WAS JUST TESTING YOU

TO MAKE SURE YOU REMEMBER.

SEE, IT WAS WHEN WE WAS IN

CHURCH.

WHAT LITTLE NASTY, FREAKY

GIRL WAS KISSING YOU IN CHURCH?

I USED TO DATE THE PASTOR'S

DAUGHTER.

BUT SHE LOOKED JUST LIKE YOU.

I'M SORRY.

YOU NEED TO BE SORRY RIGHT

NOW.

COME HERE.

SIT HERE.

NASTY BURGER.

I'M GONNA SIT RIGHT...

O-OKAY.

BABY, LISTEN, IT'S NOT JUST

YOU ANYMORE, OKAY?

YOU HAVE TO BE CONSIDERATE.

"YOU" IS "WE" NOW.

OKAY.

AND YOU HAVE BECOME THE PERSON

THAT'S INTERRUPTING THE GAME.

ARE YOU SERIOUS?

SO ALL YOU SEE ME IS AS AN

INTERRUPTION?

YEAH.

I MEAN, NO, NO.

BABY, BABY, NO, LOOK...

LOOK, I'M SORRY.

I LOVE YOU.

WHERE'S MY KNIFE?

YOU'RE ABSOLUTELY RIGHT.

YOU PROMISE TO BE MORE

CONSIDERATE?

I PROMISE.

OKAY.

I WANT YOU TO TASTE THIS.

I WORKED HARD ON THIS, BABY.

OH! WOW! TOUCHDOWN! YEAH!

WHOO!

FLOYD, OKAY, IF YOU HEAR FROM OR

SEE CALVIN, PLEASE, PLEASE TELL

HIM TO CALL HOME, OKAY?

I'M SO WORRIED.

NO, I -- I DIDN'T KNOW THAT

GLOBAL WARMING WAS CAUSED BY

MICROWAVED POPCORN.

HANG UP.

UH, GOOD-BYE.

NO LUCK.

NO LUCK THERE.

OKAY, WELL...

MISS ELLA, I AM SO SORRY THAT

I HAD YOU GUYS COME OUT HERE IN

THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT.

I AM JUST SO WORRIED.

I HAVE NOT TALKED TO CALVIN ALL

DAY, AND THIS IS NOT LIKE HIM TO

NOT RETURN MY PHONE CALLS ALL

DAY.

MIRANDA, JUST CALM DOWN,

HONEY.

HE'LL BE ALL RIGHT.

HE'LL BE HOME SOON.

CURTIS, HONEY, WOULD YOU WAKE UP

AND ACT LIKE YOU ARE WORRIED?

CALVIN STILL IS NOT HOME YET.

BABY, BABY, CALVIN IS A GROWN

MAN, OKAY?

OR AT LEAST HE'S GOT A GROWN

MAN'S BODY.

WHAT IF SOMETHING HAS

HAPPENED TO HIM?

OH, MY GOODNESS, WHAT IF -- WHAT

IF HE'S OUT THERE AND HE'S HURT?

MIRANDA.

YOU KNOW, WE JUST HAD THE

BIGGEST ARGUMENT YESTERDAY, TOO.

I JUST WANTED HIM TO BE MORE

CONSIDERATE.

HE WAS JUST BEING SO

INCONSIDERATE, MISS ELLA.

I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO.

MIRANDA, MIRANDA!

WOULD YOU JUST CALM DOWN, BABY?

HE GOT IT HONEST.

HE'S LIKE HIS DAD IS WHEN

IT COMES TO BEING CONSIDERATE.

I CAN'T COUNT HOW MANY NIGHTS I

SAT UP WAITING AND WORRYING

ABOUT THIS MAN.

SO, WHEN DID HE STRAIGHTEN

UP?

[ SNORE ]

WELL, HE HASN'T.

HEY, EVERYBODY.

PARTY, HEY!

HA HA! MA AND POPS, WHAT ARE YOU

DOING HERE SO LATE?

DON'T TELL ME YOUR HOUSE BURNED

DOWN?

HA HA!

[MOCKS LAUGH]

SORRY.

CALVIN, WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN?

I HAVE BEEN CALLING YOU ALL DAY.

MY BAD.

I TURNED MY PHONE OFF.

OH, YOU TURNED YOUR PHONE OFF

ALL DAY?

WHAT IF THERE WAS AN EMERGENCY,

CALVIN, THEN WHAT?

AIN'T NO EMERGENCY.

AND BESIDES, IF THERE WAS AN

EMERGENCY, YOU GOT THE FIRE

CHIEF RIGHT HERE.

OOH!

LOOK, POOKIE HAD TICKETS TO A

LISTENING PARTY.

IT WOULD HAVE BEEN RUDE FOR ME

TO LEAVE ON MY PHONE.

OKAY, COME ON, BABY.

COME ON. LET'S GO.

POOKIE HAD TICKETS.

SO YOU DIDN'T EVEN THINK OF

INVITING ME?

COME ON, BABY, LET'S GO.

BABY, YOU WOULDN'T HAVE LIKED

IT ANYWAY.

IT WAS JUST A BUNCH OF GUYS

SITTING AROUND LISTENING TO RAP

MUSIC.

BABY, LET'S GO. COME ON.

ELLA, ELLA!

WERE THERE WOMEN THERE?

YEAH, BUT THEY WERE DANCING

IN CAGES.

I COULDN'T GET TO THEM.

OKAY, COME ON, GET A MOVE ON!

COME ON. COME ON, CURTIS.

LET'S GO, THEN.

OKAY, BYE, MIRANDA!

Y'ALL LEAVING?

YES, BABY.

CALVIN, LISTEN, IF I DON'T EVER

SEE YOU AGAIN, I LOVED YOU.

OOH, I'M SO GLAD THEY'RE

GONE.

NOW YOU AND I CAN GET FREAKY.

OW, OW!

NO. HERE, BABY, COME ON.

I GOT A SURPRISE FOR YOU.

OH, YOU GOT A SURPRISE?

OH, YEAH. I GOT A SURPRISE.

I KNOW HOW YOU LIKE SURPRISES.

I LIKE SURPRISES.

YOU ROUGH.

THAT'S WHERE YOU'RE GONNA BE

SLEEPING TONIGHT.

BABY, WHAT I DO?

HEY, HEY, HEY!

DID YOU COOK?

[TV PLAYING]

C.J. C.J.

I GOT THE TWINS TO SLEEP.

AW...

I GOT THE TWINS TO SLEEP.

THAT'S GREAT.

MM-HMM.

AND EVERYBODY ELSE IS ASLEEP?

YES.

GIMME SOME SUGAR. MMM...

MM-HMM.

I FINALLY HAVE A MOMENT TO

SNUGGLE WITH MY HUSBAND.

WELL, SNUGGLE ON, BABY.

SNUGGLE ON.

SNUGGLE ON. SNUGGLE THERE.

PEOPLE, PEOPLE, COME ON. EW!

MALIK! MALIK!

SHH!

BOY, IF YOU WAKE

THEM BABIES--

[BABIES CRYING]

HE WOKE THE BABIES.

MY BAD.

IT WAS NICE SNUGGLING WITH

YOU. AHEM.

MALIK, DID YOU GET

THE LETTER?

WHAT LETTER?

THE LETTER THE SCHOOL SENT

OUT.

I GRABBED MINE BEFORE MY PARENTS

GOT TO IT.

WELL, WHAT DID IT SAY?

READ IT.

A SYPHILIS OUTBREAK?

SHH! DON'T LET THEM HEAR YOU!

SHH! SHH!

W--WELL, HOW DID YOU GET

SYPHILIS?

WELL, SEE, I THINK IT WAS

ASIA.

I MEAN, THEY SAID SHE GAVE

IT TO EVERYONE ELSE AT THE

SCHOOL.

THAT'S WHAT THE LETTER SAID --

IT WAS AN OUTBREAK.

MAN, WHAT AM I GONNA DO, MAN?

I GUESS YOU JUST GOT

TO MAN UP.

I MEAN, I AM A MAN!

A DEAD MAN.

I WANT MY RACE-CAR BED BACK,

MAN.

YOU KNOW WHAT?

YOU GOT TO CALL YOUR PARENTS.

AH!

NO, DON'T CALL MY PARENTS.

NO!

NO, NO, DON'T CALL MY PARENTS.

I-I'LL TAKE THE PHONE CORD OUT.

DON'T CALL MY PARENTS.

DON'T CALL MY PARENTS, MAN.

I MEAN...YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT

THEY'LL DO TO ME.

THEY'LL DO BAD THINGS...VERY BAD

THINGS.

LOOK, ONE TIME I GOT THE

MEASLES, AND MY DAD LOCKED ME UP

IN THE TOOL SHED FOR, LIKE, A

WEEK.

I'M SCARED OF TOOL SHEDS, MAN.

LOOK -- LOOK, YOU NEED TO

CALM DOWN, OKAY?

I CAN'T CALM DOWN, MAN!

DON'T CALL MY PARENTS, MAN!

DON'T CALL MY PARENTS, MAN.

LOOK, NO.

NO, NO, NO. CALM DOWN.

YOU JUST NEED TO--CALM DOWN,

MAN!

CALM DOWN.

JUST CALM DOWN, OKAY?

LOOK, WE CAN TALK TO MY

PARENTS.

NO! DON'T TALK ABOUT PARENTS.

YOUR PARENTS GONNA TALK

TO MY PARENTS.

THEY GONNA FIGURE OUT THAT I

HAVE SYPHILIS, MAN.

DON'T DO THAT.

THAT'S A NO-NO, MAN.

DON'T...DON'T TALK TO YOUR

PARENTS.

IT'S OKAY.

WHEN I TALK TO THEM, I'LL LEAVE

YOUR NAME OUT OF IT.

OKAY?

AND I'LL SEE HOW MUCH I CAN

HELP YOU WITH THIS, OKAY?

ALL RIGHT.

DAD, UH, I REALLY NEED TO

TALK TO YOU ABOUT SOMETHING.

WHAT'S GOING ON?

I GOT TO GO.

I GOT TO START THE ROAST.

SO WHAT'S UP?

WELL, I HAVE THIS FRIEND, AND

WHAT HE DID CAN GET HIM INTO A

LOT OF TROUBLE.

A FRIEND, HUH?

YES, A FRIEND.

COME ON, LET'S SIT DOWN.

THIS SAME FRIEND IS SO SCARED

OF WHAT HE DID, HE WON'T EVEN

TELL HIS OWN PARENTS.

UH, A FRIEND?

A FRIEND.

I THINK YOUR FRIEND SHOULD

TELL ME--I MEAN, HIS FATHER--

WHAT IS GOING ON RIGHT NOW.

I'M GETTING THE FEELING THAT

YOU THINK THAT...MY FRIEND

IS ME.

THAT'S THE RIGHT FEELING.

THIS FRIEND, HE REALLY IS A

FRIEND.

UH-HUH.

AND WHAT HE DID IS

ENDANGERING HIS HEALTH.

WHAT SHOULD HE DO?

WHAT IS THE THING, MALIK?

WHAT THE HELL?

MOVE AWAY FROM THE BOY.

DON'T LOOK BACK.

TAKE THAT.

I NEED YOU TO RUN ACROSS THE

STREET TO THE FIREHOUSE AND GET

THE HAZMAT SUITS.

AND YOU DON'T TOUCH NOTHING.

READ IT!

THERE'S A SYPHILIS OUTBREAK

AT YOUR SCHOOL?

YES.

EVERYBODY GOT IT!

YOU GOT TO MOVE.

MALIK, YOU BEEN HAVING SEX?

DAD, I PROMISE YOU I HAVEN'T

BEEN HAVING SEX.

IS THIS WHAT YOU'VE BEEN

TRYING TO TELL ME?

YES.

I'M GONNA CALL YOUR SCHOOL.

UNCLE! UNCLE CURTIS,

WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

THE CLOSET!

GET TO THE CLOSET.

UNCLE CURTIS!

GET TO THE CLOSET.

LOOK, STOP, UNCLE CURTIS.

AND HUSH UP!

DON'T SAY NOTHING.

GET IN THE CLOSET.

UNCLE CURTIS...

YOU REALLY WANT--

IN THE CL--AND DON'T TOUCH MY

CLOTHES.

AH! I TOUCHED THE DOOR!

I TOUCHED THE DOOR.

UNCLE CURTIS, WHEN CAN

I COME OUT?

WHEN YOU DON'T HAVE SYPHILIS.

DID YOU TOUCH HIM?

HUH?

DID YOU TOUCH HIM?

DID YOU TOUCH HIM?!

HEY, BABY, IT'S ME AGAIN.

THIS IS THE FIFTH TIME I'VE

CALLED YOU, AND I'M KIND OF

MISSING YOU.

CALVIN! WOULD YOU STOP BEING

A WUSS?

YOU TALK TO HER.

TELL HER GET HER BUTT HOME.

YEAH. GET YOUR BUTT HOME.

OKAY.

HEY, HEY, LOOK HERE, WHERE YOU

AT?

I CALLED YOU 5 TIMES.

ANSWER YOUR PHONE.

WHY YOU AIN'T ANSWERING YOUR

PHONE?

WHY YOU AIN'T ANSWERING YOUR

PHONE?

YEAH.

I GOT YOU WHEN YOU COME HOME.

UH. LIKE THAT?

YEAH.

THAT'S HOW YOU HANDLE THAT, SON.

SHE GOT ME SO STRESSED OUT.

CURTIS, SOMEHOW I THINK THIS

IS YOUR FAULT.

WHO YOU TALKING TO, WOMAN?

WHO YOU TALKING TO, HUH?

THAT'S WHAT I THOUGHT.

COME HERE.

WHAT?

COME HERE.

WHAT?

THAT'S WHAT I THOUGHT.

CALVIN, WHY ARE YOUR CLOTHES ALL

AROUND EVERY PLACE?

BECAUSE MIRANDA KICKED ME OUT

OF THE BEDROOM.

THIS IS MY ROOM NOW.

LOOK, SHE HASN'T CHECKED

IN.

IT'S LATE.

WE WERE SUPPOSED TO HAVE DINNER.

SHE STOOD ME UP.

BABY, HE'S ABOUT TO JUMP.

HE'S ABOUT TO JUMP. QUICK.

WELL, WE ON THE FIFTH FLOOR.

IT WON'T HURT THAT BAD.

OKAY, CALVIN, I'M WORRIED JUST

AS MUCH AS YOU ARE ABOUT

MIRANDA, BUT LISTEN, YOU DID THE

SAME THING TO HER LAST NIGHT,

AND THIS IS JUST HOW SHE FELT.

NO, NO, NO, THAT WAS

DIFFERENT.

SHE WANTED ME TO CHECK IN.

I'M A GROWN MAN.

THANK YOU.

I WISH SOMEBODY WOULD FINALLY

GET THAT HE A GROWN MAN.

SHE'S SUPPOSED TO CHECK IN.

HE DON'T CHECK IN.

HE A GROWN MAN.

SEE.

CURTIS, YOU DON'T CHECK IN?

HELL, NO.

CALVIN, YOUR DADDY CHECKS IN.

WHY YOU ALWAYS--

YOU CHECK IN.

HAVE A SEAT.

YOU ARE A MARRIED MAN, AND

THINGS ARE DIFFERENT, BABY,

WHEN YOU GET MARRIED.

YOU JUST--

[HUMMING]

WOMAN'S RIGHT THERE.

MIRANDA, WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN?

I CALLED YOU 5 TIMES.

HEY! OH, BABY, I WENT TO A

BACHELORETTE PARTY, AND IT WAS

OFF THE CHAIN.

TIME TO GO.

SO YOU COULDN'T CALL HOME?

OH, BABY, YOU KNOW WHAT?

AHH...MY PHONE WAS OFF.

COME ON, ELLA, LET'S GO.

[PHONE RINGS]

OH. OH, HOLD ON.

THAT'S MY PHONE.

HEY, ROGER.

YES, I MADE IT HOME SAFE.

ALL RIGHT, TALK TO YOU TOMORROW.

COME ON. LET'S GO.

BUT, CURTIS, WHO WAS SHE

TALKING TO?

DON'T MATTER WHO SHE WAS

TALKING TO.

[INDISTINCT]

UH, MIRANDA?

HMM?

JUST IN CASE I NEVER SEE YOU

AGAIN, LOVED YOU.

[DOOR CLOSES]

FIRST OF ALL, WHO IS ROGER?

IT'S SHORT FOR ROGERINA.

OKAY, LOOK, SECOND OF ALL,

I'M YOUR HUSBAND.

YOU CAN'T JUST GO OUT ALL NIGHT

WITH YOUR FRIENDS.

LOOK, WE HAD DINNER PLANS...

AND YOU STOOD ME UP.

JUST LIKE I DID TO YOU.

A-HA!

LOOK, BABY, OKAY, I HAVE ONE

MORE THING TO SAY.

YES?

I'M SORRY.

YOU PROMISE?

YES, I PROMISE.

GOOD.

NOW YOU KNOW HOW I FELT.

YOU GET IT NOW?

YEAH, NOW I GET IT.

OKAY, BABY, WELL, I'M ABOUT

TO GO TO SLEEP.

AHH...

WHOA, WHOA, WHOA!

YOU WORE THAT TO THE

BACHELORETTE PARTY?

BABY, I WAS RIGHT DOWN THE

STREET AT THE 24-HOUR SUPER

SHOP.

GOTCHA.

HA HA! OH.

WELL, IF IT AIN'T THE

OUTBREAK MONKEYS.

WELL, HOW IS DUMB AND DUMBER?

STILL DUMB.

WE JUST CAME BACK FROM THE

CLINIC.

WHAT HAPPENED?

MALIK IS OKAY, BUT KEVIN HERE

HAD TO GET A SHOT.

TOLD YOU, DAD, I WASN'T

HAVING SEX.

I KNOW, I KNOW.

AND I'M PROUD OF YOU FOR THAT.

'CAUSE I'VE TOLD YOU TIME AND

TIME AGAIN YOU DON'T NEED TO BE

HAVING SEX.

SEX DON'T MAKE YOU A MAN.

TO BE A MAN, YOU'VE GOT TO BE

RESPONSIBLE.

YOU GOT TO THINK ABOUT THE

CONSEQUENCES OF YOUR ACTIONS.

NOW, THERE ARE TEENAGERS OUT

THERE EVERY DAY CATCHING

DISEASES AND DYING 'CAUSE

THEY'RE MAKING BAD DECISIONS.

NOW, Y'ALL ARE TOO YOUNG TO BE

HAVING SEX ANYWAY.

IT AIN'T THAT GOOD.

ASK YOUR UNCLE CURTIS.

WHAT AIN'T THAT GOOD?

SEX.

WELL, I WOULDN'T SAY IT AIN'T

THAT--IT AIN'T GOOD.

YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO BE HELPING

ME, UNCLE.

BUT I'M SAYING, WAIT TILL

YOU'RE RESPONSIBLE, SEE WHAT

I'M SAYING?

WAIT TILL YOU'RE--

YOU CAN'T BE 15 YEARS OLD,

14 YEARS OLD, RUNNING AROUND

THINKING ABOUT BOOTY ALL THE

TIME.

LIFE'S NOT JUST ABOUT BOOTY.

WHEN I WAS YOUR AGE, I THOUGHT

ABOUT OTHER THINGS.

I THOUGHT ABOUT...

FOOD.

JUST DON'T RUN AROUND

THINKING ABOUT THAT ALL THE

TIME.

NO MORE BOOTY.

SAY IT WITH ME.

NO MORE BOOTY.

NO MORE BOOTY.

IT'S TOO LATE FOR YOU.

SHOULD HAVE HEARD HIM

HOLLERING WHEN THEY STUCK THAT

SHOT IN HIM.

WHERE'D THEY STICK HIM?

IN HIS BOOTY.