Original subtitles

"MIRANDA, YOU'RE MY ONE

AND ONLY.

BECAUSE OF YOU, I'M NEVER

LONELY.

I'M SO GLAD THAT WE'RE

TOGETHER."

I'M SO GLAD THAT WE'RE

TOGETHER, UH --

"AND I WANT

TO BE WITH YOU

F...

FOR-- FOR--

FOR...

AH.

"FOR--" HMM!

HEY, COME ON, SON.

LET'S GET SOMETHING TO EAT

BEFORE C.J. GET HERE WITH THE

TUXES.

POPS, I'M -- I'M TOO NERVOUS

TO EAT.

NOT -- NOT NOW.

WELL, YOU'RE TOO BROKE TO

GET MARRIED.

THAT'S NOT STOPPING YOU.

LOOK, POPS, NOT NOW.

I'M -- I'M TRYING TO CONCENTRATE

HERE.

CONCENTRATE ON WHAT?

WHAT YOU DOING?

HUH -- CALVIN, WHY YOU WAIT TILL

YOUR WEDDING DAY TO WRITE YOUR

VOWS?

POPS, WITH EVERYTHING GOING

ON, I HAVEN'T HAD TIME, AND I

WOULD BE FINISHED BY NOW IF I

WOULDN'T GET STUCK ON THE WORD

"FORE--" "FOR--"

[GULPS]

"FOR--"

"FORE--" UGH, I-- I CAN'T SAY

IT.

I CAN'T SAY IT, POP.

SAY WHAT--"FOREVER"?

UH, YES, YES, YES, THAT, AND

EVERY TIME I HEAR IT, I START

GETTING NAUSEOUS AND -- AND I-I

FEEL SICK.

CALVIN, WHY THE HELL ARE YOU

GETTING MARRIED?

I-I LOVE MIRANDA, AND I WANT

TO SPEND THE REST OF MY LIFE

WITH HER.

OKAY, SO WHAT YOU'RE SAYING

IS YOU LOVE HER AND YOU WANT TO

BE WITH HER -- FOREVER!

YES, YES.

LOOK, POPS, JUST STOP SAYING

THE WORD.

FOREVER!

NO, POP--

FOREVER! FOREVER! FOREVER!

FOREVER!

I'M GOING TO THROW UP.

I'M GOING TO THROW UP.

YOU BETTER NOT THROW UP.

CALVIN, LOOK, IF YOU LOVE

MIRANDA AND YOU WANT TO BE WITH

HER FOR... FOR A REALLY LONG

TIME, WHY CAN'T YOU SAY IT?

I DON'T KNOW.

I-I JUST CAN'T.

POPS, HELP ME.

THIS IS RIDICULOUS.

OKAY, ALL RIGHT, I GOT IT.

I GOT IT.

OKAY.

UM -- "LOVE YOU, AND I WANT TO

BE WITH YOU... UNTIL DEATH."

I-I COULD DIG THIS.

HMM.

YEAH, I COULD DIG THIS.

THANK YOU, POP!

IDIOT.

OW.

NOW FINISH IT.

I'M READY TO GET DRESSED.

ALL RIGHT, WHERE'S DAD WITH THE

TUXES?

MAN, HE IS TAKING FOREVER.

"FOREVER."

WHAT DID I SAY?

THE "F" WORD.

AH!

HMM.

ISN'T THIS THE LIFE?

YES, DEAR, IT IS.

[ CHUCKLING ]

YEAH.

I COULD GET USED TO THIS.

I JUST LOVE BEING

PAMPERED.

DON'T YOU, MIRANDA?

SWEETHEART, WHAT'S WRONG?

OH, MOMMY!

ALL OF THE STRESS FROM THIS

WEDDING IS MAKING MY FACE BREAK

OUT -- LOOK AT THIS BIG ZIT!

OH!

LET ME SEE, COME ON.

LET ME SEE, LET ME SEE.

BABY, THERE IS NOTHING THERE.

MOMMY, YES, IT IS RIGHT HERE!

AHEM. ELLA, DO YOU SEE

ANYTHING?

LOOK, LOOK, LOOK.

IT'S RIGHT THERE, IT'S RIGHT

THERE, IT'S RIGHT THERE.

MIRANDA, I DON'T SEE

ANYTHING EITHER, BABY.

MIRANDA, TURN AROUND,

SWEETIE, LET ME SEE.

LOOK!

UH, YOU KNOW WHAT, BABY?

I THINK YOU'RE HALLUCINATING.

THERE'S NO PIMPLE THERE.

OK, WELL, WAIT, WAIT, WAIT,

WAIT.

I AM NOT HALLUCINATING!

THERE IS A ZIT, AND IT IS RIGHT

HERE AND I SEE IT.

OKAY.

OH!

YOU -- YOU KNOW WHAT?

MIRANDA, I THINK YOU NEED TO

CUT BACK ON THE CAFFEINE.

YEP.

[ TELEPHONE RINGS ]

OH, EXCUSE ME.

HELLO?

CLARETHA?

WHEN ARE YOU GOING TO FINISH MY

MAKEUP?

OH, ELLA, I'M GOING TO GET

RIGHT ON YOU AS SOON AS I

FINISH THE MOTHER OF THE BRIDE

AND THE MATRON OF HONOR.

OH, AND THE USHERS AND THE

CATERER AND THE BRIDESMAIDS

AND --

CLARETHA, FORGET IT.

OH.

JUST FORGET IT.

OH, OKAY.

WHERE IS YOUR SISTER, ANYWAY?

OH. THAT WAS YOUR FATHER.

THERE WAS AN EMERGENCY DELIVERY

AT THE HOTEL.

WHAT?

THE HOUSEKEEPER WENT INTO

LABOR.

BUT WHAT IF HE DOESN'T GET

HERE IN TIME?

OH!

OH.

WAIT, WAIT.

BUT -- WHO'S GOING TO WALK ME

DOWN THE AISLE?

WHO IS GOING TO BE MY MATRON OF

HONOR?

MIRANDA, I NEED YOU TO CALM

DOWN BEFORE YOU SEND ME INTO

LABOR, OKAY?

[ MIRANDA SIGHS ]

THIS IS--

HEY, RELAX!

YOUR FATHER IS NOT GOING TO

MISS YOUR WEDDING, OKAY?

YEAH.

JUST TAKE A DEEP BREATH AND

THINK OF HAPPY THOUGHTS, AND

THAT ALWAYS CALMS ME DOWN.

OKAY.

OKAY, EVERYBODY, INHALE.

[ ALL INHALE DEEPLY ]

AND BLOW IT OUT -- EXHALE.

[ ALL EXHALE DEEPLY ]

AND INHALE.

[ ALL INHALE ]

AND THINK HAPPY THOUGHTS.

[ ALL EXHALE DEEPLY ]

HAPPY THOUGHTS,

HAPPY THOUGHTS.

READY, READY?

UH-HUH, UH-HUH, UH-HUH, UH-HUH.

[ MIRANDA CHUCKLES ]

UH-UH, UH-UH, UH-UH, UH-UH!

WHAT WAS -- WHAT WAS THAT

THOUGHT?

DO YOU THINK THAT CALVIN IS

AS NERVOUS AS I AM?

UH, NO.

I CAN'T BREATHE.

I CAN'T BREATHE.

I CAN'T BREATHE.

WHAT IF I -- WHAT IF I DON'T

FINISH WRITING MY VOWS IN TIME?

I MEAN, MIRANDA'S GOING TO

THINK I DON'T LOVE HER.

COME ON, COUSIN CALVIN.

MAN UP!

OKAY?

THOUGHT YOU WERE A PLAYER.

BUT IF GETTING MARRIED GETS YOU

DOWN LIKE THIS,

I'M STAYING SINGLE.

HUH -- LIKE YOU REALLY

HAVE A CHOICE.

I DO, AND I'M NOT GETTING

MARRIED, BUT I WILL HAVE A LOT

OF LADIES.

OKAY, LADIES.

YOU'VE TAKEN THE TOUR.

THAT WAS MY BEDROOM AND --

COMPLETE WITH THE HOT TUB BIG

ENOUGH FOR THREE.

[ CHUCKLES ]

YOU SAW MY WALL WITH ALL OF MY

AWARDS, ACCOLADES FOR VALOR AND

HEROISM, INCLUDING COMMENDATIONS

FROM THE PRESIDENTS -- TWO,

INCLUDING OBAMA.

BUT NOW, I WANT TO SHOW YOU MY

PRIZE POSSESSION.

I WANT TO SHOW YOU MY --

MY UNCLE CURTIS.

YO, YO, GET OVER HERE.

WHOO, LOOK AT THEM!

BOY, LOOK AT THEM.

BOY, DON'T YOU LOOK AT ME LIKE

THAT, GIRL.

LOOK HOW SHE--LOOK HOW SHE DO

LIKE THAT.

UNCLE CURTIS, WHAT ARE YOU

DOING HERE?

WHAT ARE YOU --

YOU NOT SUPPOSED TO BE HERE.

WHY NOT?

THIS IS MY FUTURE FANTASY,

NOT A NIGHTMARE.

YOU WANT TO TALK ABOUT A

NIGHTMARE?

YOU SHOULD'VE SEEN HIM WHEN HE

WAS BORN -- OOH!

YOU WANT TO TALK ABOUT UGLY?

THANK YOU.

YOU WANT TO TALK ABOUT UGLY,

BOY?

HEY, IT WAS -- IT WAS A COUPLE

OF YEARS BEFORE I COULD SHOW HIM

TO ANYBODY.

HE WAS SO UGLY, UNLIKE

YOURSELVES.

OOP--YOU TRIPPED ME, YOU

TRIPPED ME.

[ CHUCKLES ]

WHAT -- WHAT YOU TOUCHING?

FLIP ME OVER.

FLIP ME OVER.

YEAH, THERE WE GO.

OH, MY GOODNESS.

UNCLE CURTIS, YOU'RE RUINING

MY FANTASY.

WELL, YOU RUINED MY PAST

FANTASIES.

THIS IS PAYBACK.

HEY, MALIK?

JAZMINE, WHAT ARE YOU DOING

IN MY FUTURE FANTASY?

THIS IS MY HOUSE AND YOU

LIVE WITH ME.

[ MALIK SIGHS ]

WHO ARE THESE GIRLS?

YOU GOT TO GO!

GET OUT NOW.

NO.

NO, THIS IS NOT HOW MY FUTURE

IS SUPPOSED TO BE -- NOT MY

FANTASY.

PLEASE, I'M GOING TO

AGGRAVATE YOU UNTIL YOU DIE.

OH.

JAZMINE!

WHAT?

SHE'S NOT EVEN HERE.

C.J., C.J., DID -- DID YOU

GET THE TUXES?

YEAH, YEAH.

I'M SORRY THE TUXEDO SHOP WAS

KIND OF CROWDED, BUT IT TOOK

FOREVER.

"FOREVER."

CALVIN?

WHAT'D I SAY?

THE "F" WORD.

WHERE DID YOU GET THIS?

A LITTLE BOUTIQUE HAD THAT

AND --

BEAUTIFUL!

OOH!

SANDRA, YOU LOOK GORGEOUS!

THANK YOU.

AND YOU LOOK STUNNING.

OH, LOOK AT YOU GUYS.

YES, I DO, BUT WE WERE

TALKING ABOUT ME. YES, I DO.

[ LAUGHING ]

I DO GREAT WORK.

YES, YOU DO.

IT WAS HARD WORK, BUT

SOMEBODY HAD TO DO IT.

BUT YOU LOOK GOOD.

WELL, WHAT ABOUT ME?

HOW DO I LOOK?

YOU LOOK LIKE A LITTLE

PRINCESS, DON'T YOU?

THANK YOU.

I'M READY FOR MY CLOSE-UP.

[ WOMEN LAUGH ]

* MIRANDA *

YES?

WHY AREN'T YOU DRESSED?

OH, I'M NOT GETTING DRESSED

TILL MY FATHER GETS HERE.

BUT WHAT IF HE DOESN'T

SHOW UP?

JAZMINE.

OH, MY GOODNESS.

WHAT IF HE DOESN'T GET HERE?

LISTEN, I-I CAN'T GET MARRIED

WITHOUT HIM.

WHAT AM I GOING TO DO?

BABY, JUST BREATHE, BREATHE.

BREATHE.

HAPPY THOUGHTS.

LISTEN, LISTEN, THINK ABOUT

YOUR FUTURE.

THINK ABOUT YOUR FUTURE -- SOON,

YOU'LL BE MARRIED WITH CALVIN.

THAT AIN'T NO HAPPY THOUGHT,

JANINE.

AND -- AND YOU ARE GOING TO

BE LIVING IN YOUR OWN HOUSE AND

YOU'RE GOING TO HAVE YOUR OWN

LITTLE BEAUTIFUL BABIES.

HOW THEY GOING TO BUY A

HOUSE?

CALVIN AIN'T GOT NO MONEY.

HE CAN'T FEED NO CHILDREN.

HE DON'T KNOW NOTHING ABOUT

BIRTHING NO BABIES.

CLARETHA!

BEFORE YOU KNOW IT, YOU'LL

BE DOING THIS TO YOUR OWN

DAUGHTER.

[ KISSES ]

WELL, ACTUALLY, I WANT A SON.

REALLY?

REALLY?

YEAH.

I WANT A LITTLE BOY JUST LIKE

CALVIN.

OH.

BABY, BE CAREFUL WHAT YOU ASK

FOR.

[ PLAYING VIDEO GAME ]

COME ON, MAN.

CALVIN.

[ CALVIN LAUGHS ]

STOP PLAYING THOSE VIDEO GAMES

AND GET IN THERE AND CLEAN UP

YOUR ROOM.

ALL RIGHT, DAD.

I ALMOST BEAT A NEW RECORD.

AND BESIDES, I DID IT YESTERDAY.

DON'T PLAY WITH ME.

I WILL -- I WILL -- I WILL --

OKAY, POPS -- COOL.

AND WHY IS MY ELECTRICITY

BILL SO HIGH?

WHY IS IT SO HIGH?

YOU'RE SITTING UP IN HERE

PLAYING VIDEO GAMES, BREATHING

UP ALL MY GOOD AIR.

[ DOOR OPENS ]

HEY.

HEY, BABY.

HAVE YOU NOTICED HOW HIGH

OUR BILLS HAVE BEEN?

YOU SAY THE SAME THING EVERY

TIME, CALVIN.

WELL, THAT'S BECAUSE THEY'RE

TRUE.

OH.

AND, CALVIN JR., SCHOOL CALLED.

YOU CHANGED YOUR MAJOR AGAIN?

YEP.

THAT'S THE SIXTH TIME.

BOY, WHAT DID YOU CHANGE YOUR

MAJOR TO NOW?

WELL, SEE, DAD, THERE WAS

THIS GIRL WHO WAS STUDYING

BIOLOGY --HUH-- SO I HAD TO

STUDY HER BIOLOGY.

THAT'S SO CORNY.

THAT'S SO CORNY.

BOY, I DON'T KNOW WHERE YOU

LEARN IT FROM.

HE GETS IT FROM YOU.

MIRANDA, PLEASE, I WAS NEVER

LIKE THAT.

[ MIRANDA CHUCKLES ]

WELL, HE SURELY DIDN'T GET

IT FROM ME. HMM.

[ SIREN WAILS, KNOCK ON DOOR ]

CALVIN PAYNE JR., WE KNOW

YOU'RE IN THERE.

YOU ARE WANTED FOR THE OLD

DONKEY IN THE BUCKET TRICK,

CHECK FRAUD, AND PENSION

STEALING.

HMM.

I WONDER WHERE HE LEARNED THAT.

AND MALE PROSTITUTION.

WHAT?

HUH, HUH!

DON'T LOOK AT ME.

THAT WAS MY POPS.

[ MIRANDA SIGHS ]

OH!

WHAT?

I THINK I WANT A GIRL.

YES.

THAT'S ENOUGH PICTURES.

SAVE THEM.

THIS FAMILY COSTS MORE THAN GAS.

LOOKING SHARP, UNCLE CURTIS.

LOOKING GOOD, MAN.

DON'T I LOOK GOOD?

LOOK AT YOU -- YOU'RE LOOKING

GOOD YOURSELF THERE, YOUNG

FELLOW.

[ BOTH LAUGH ]

YOU KNOW I TRY.

I TRY TO DO HOW I DO, YOU KNOW.

NO PICTURES, PLEASE.

NO PICTURES, NO PICTURES.

OH, BOY, WHOA -- WAIT A MINUTE,

PLAYER.

NOW, COME -- COME ON, TAKE MY

PICTURE NOW, MAN.

TAKE MY PICTURE.

[ CAMERA SHUTTER CLICKS ]

OKAY, THAT'S ENOUGH.

I TOLD YOU I AIN'T BUYING NO

MORE FILM.

HE AIN'T THE GROOM.

SPEAKING OF THE GROOM,

WHAT'S TAKING CALVIN SO LONG?

I DON'T KNOW -- CALVIN!

I CAN'T GET MARRIED!

YES, YOU CAN!

NOT IF I LOOK LIKE PRINCE!

WHAT'S HE TALKING ABOUT?

I HAVE NO IDEA.

CALVIN, GET OUT HERE NOW!

[ C.J. CHUCKLES ]

OOH-AAH!

OH.

WHAT YOU -- TURN AROUND.

LET ME SEE IF THE BACK IS CUT

OUT.

WHAT -- THE BUTT CHEEKS?

[ BOTH LAUGH ]

WHAT THE HELL DO YOU HAVE ON?

OBVIOUSLY, THE WRONG TUX!

OH, I GOT TO GET A PICTURE

WITH THIS.

I HAVE GOT TO GET A PICTURE

WITH -- YOU DON'T MEET

CELEBRITIES OFTEN.

HA!

[ CAMERA SHUTTER CLICKS ]

OH, TAKE ONE WITH THE BEST

MAN.

TAKE ONE WITH THE BEST MAN.

OKAY, COME ON, COME ON!

UH, ME, TOO. ME, TOO.

SAY 1999.

1999!

GET OFF ME!

HOW -- WHAT AM I SUPPOSED

TO DO?

HOW AM I GOING TO GET MARRIED

LIKE THIS?

JUST -- PUT -- MAN, JUST --

JUST PUT ON A RASPBERRY BERET.

AND THROW ON SOME DIAMONDS

AND PEARLS.

AND HOP IN YOUR LITTLE RED

CORVETTE.

THIS ISN'T FUNNY, POPS!

OKAY, OKAY.

WE'RE GOING TO RIDE BACK TO THE

SHOP AND FIND OUT WHAT HAPPENED,

ALL RIGHT?

COME ON, RIDE WITH ME, MALIK.

HEY, LET'S NOT OPEN THE

SUNROOF.

IT MIGHT BE A PURPLE RAIN --

OOH-AH!

KIND OF FUNNY.

NO, IT'S NOT.

NO, IT'S NOT.

LET'S--LET'S FACE IT, POPS.

I'M NOT SUPPOSED TO GET MARRIED.

CALVIN, STOP IT.

YOU ARE SUPPOSED TO GET THE

HELL OUT MY HOUSE!

SO YOU MIGHT AS WELL GET

MARRIED WHILE YOU DOING IT.

YOU DON'T STOP, DO YOU --

ALWAYS THREATENING TO KICK ME

OUT?

ONE DAY, I'M GOING TO SHOW YOU

HOW IT FEELS.

WHAT YOU GOING TO DO?

MAN, I KNEW I SHOULDN'T HAVE

BET ON THEM!

I KNEW I SHOULDN'T HAVE!

WELL, THEY LOSE EVERY TIME --

EVERY TIME THEY HAVE A TELEVISED

GLOBAL GAME.

POPS?

WELL, LOOK, I'M TAKING MY

CREDIT CARD AND MY $1,000

ELSEWHERE NEXT TIME, I TELL YOU.

POPS?

HOLD ON, HOLD ON.

I'M TRYING TO STRAIGHTEN THIS

OUT.

NO -- WELL, THEN PUT ANOTHER

GRAND ON IT, THEN!

POPS, IS THAT A LONG-DISTANCE

CALL?

YEAH -- YES.

YEAH, SON, I'M TRYING TO DO

THIS BET HERE.

YEAH, WELL -- WELL, IT AIN'T MY

MONEY!

CURTIS HAS TO GO -- GOODBYE.

UH -- HUH?

NO, I DON'T WANT TO PLACE ANY

BETS!

THEY GOT GOOD ODDS.

HOW MANY TIMES DO I HAVE TO

TELL YOU -- NO MORE

LONG-DISTANCE CALLS AND NO MORE

BETTING?

I HAD TO BET.

IT WAS A SURE THING.

WELL, DID YOU WIN?

UH, NO, BUT I DIDN'T LOSE.

WASN'T MY MONEY -- IT WAS YOUR

MONEY.

I GOT THE CARD RIGHT HERE!

I GOT THE CARD --

GET OUT OF MY CHAIR.

WAIT, WAIT! WAIT A MINUTE!

THIS IS WOOD. THIS IS WOOD!

NO, GET OUT OF MY CHAIR.

I CAN'T -- OUCH!

OW, I GOT SPLINTERS!

UH, UH!

GO GET THE TWEEZERS.

YOU GOING TO LEAVE ME DOWN HERE?

YEAH.

PLEASE DON'T.

IT'S COLD DOWN HERE.

YOU ALL GOT WOOD FLOORS, WOOD

CHAIR, WOOD -- COULD YOU ALL

GET -- YOU ALL PRESERVING THE

WOOD.

BOY, EVER SINCE I'VE BEEN

TAKING THAT TAE BO, IT IS GOOD

AND TIGHT.

FEELS LIKE IT JUST LIKE--

OH.

HEY, BABY.

HEY, BABY.

HMM.

COME ON, MS. PAYNE.

HERE I COME.

OH, WHOA, WHOA, WHOA -- THE

EGGS ARE IN THERE.

WAIT A MINUTE.

WELL -- IT'S CLOSING!

IT'S CLOSING, BABY!

OH!

YOU GOT TO GET ME, BABY.

GET ME AND BRING ME IN.

I GUESS I AIN'T NEVER -- WHY

THIS DOOR DONE SHUT?

WHO SHUT IT?

WELL, WHO -- WHO?

WHO SHUT IT?

I THOUGHT YOU STARTED

CURSING, MS. PAYNE.

I'M HAPPY TO KNOW YOU'RE STILL

WITH THE LORD, BUT LISTEN --

YOU DO NOT HAVE TO GO GROCERY

SHOPPING WITH ME ANYMORE, OKAY?

YES?

IT'S BEEN 20 YEARS -- I CAN COOK

NOW, OKAY?

[ CURTIS CHUCKLES ]

THAT'S COOKING.

THAT'S NOT COOKING.

BABY, LISTEN, I HAVE TO GO

WITH YOU BECAUSE I GOT TO MAKE

SURE YOU GET CURTIS' FAVORITE

THINGS.

HEY, BABY.

BUT EVERYTHING IS HIS

FAVORITE THING, AND HE'S NOT MY

HUSBAND.

HUH.

BABY, I KNOW HE AIN'T YOUR

HUSBAND -- LOOK AT ALL THAT MAN.

YOU CAN'T HANDLE ALL THAT MAN.

YOU CAN'T HANDLE THIS OLD

SCHOOL.

YOU PROBABLY CAN'T HANDLE

THAT MAN.

[ CURTIS CHUCKLES ]

YOU PROBABLY CAN'T HANDLE THAT

MAN!

HELP ME, BABY!

WELL, SET HER DOWN,

SET HER DOWN.

THERE SHE IS.

THERE IT GO. THERE SHE IS.

WHOO!

IT'S TIME I SET FORTH SOME

RULES IN THIS HOUSE.

WAIT A MINUTE.

RULE NUMBER ONE -- NOBODY

EVER, EVER SITS IN MY CHAIR.

WELL -- DON'T NOBODY WANT TO

SIT IN THAT CHAIR.

THAT WOOD -- IT'S A WOOD CHAIR.

WHO THE HELL WANT TO SIT IN A

WOOD CHAIR?

NOW, RULE NUMBER TWO --

NOBODY CONTROLS THE TV REMOTE

EXCEPT ME.

DON'T NOBODY CARE ABOUT THAT

DOGGONE REMOTE.

I DON'T EVEN NEED THE REMOTE.

I'LL JUST HAVE YOU TAKE ME TO

THE GAME.

WILL YOU TAKE ME TO THE GAME?

WITH WHAT MONEY?

I STILL GOT YOUR CREDIT

CARD -- YEAH, YEAH!

I GOT THE CARD, I GOT HIS CARD!

RULE NUMBER THREE--

I DON'T LEAVE HOME

WITHOUT IT.

GIVE ME BACK MY CREDIT CARD.

HUH?

GIVE ME BACK MY CREDIT CARD.

HUH?

GIVE ME -- GIVE ME BACK MY

CREDIT CARD!

HERE, GET -- GO AND GET IT.

POP, I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU

WOULD DO THIS TO ME.

YOU ALL GOING TO MOVE IN HERE,

RUNNING UP MY ELECTRICITY BILL,

EATING UP ALL MY GOOD FOOD!

UGH!

PAYBACK IS A MUG, AIN'T IT?

[ ELLA CHUCKLES ]

YES, SIR.

YEAH!

WE AIN'T LEAVIN' TILL WE DIE!

WHY YOU LOOKING SO UGLY?

CALVIN!

CALVIN?

I DOUBLE-CHECKED, MAN.

IT'S DEFINITELY YOUR TUX.

MY MAN.

OKAY, NOW GO PUT YOUR STUFF

ON!

[ TELEPHONE RINGS ]

HELLO?

OH, HEY, AUNTIE ELLA.

YEAH, WE WERE ALMOST DRESSED,

THEN UNCLE CURTIS -- I MEAN,

COUSIN CAL --

YEP -- HEY, BABY.

HEY.

NO, NO, EVERYTHING'S GOOD.

WE GOOD.

YEAH -- YEAH.

WELL, THEN YOU NEED TO COME

TELL HIM, THEN.

NO -- BABY, I'VE BEEN DEALING

WITH IT -- I'VE BEEN DEALING

WITH HIM ALL DAY.

IT'S YOUR TURN.

OKAY. BYE-BYE.

WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

SHE ASKED HOW WE WERE DOING.

SO WHAT?

YOU DON'T NEVER TELL A WOMAN

WHEN SOMETHING IS WRONG!

AND WHY NOT?

DID YOU TEACH THIS BOY

ANYTHING?

MALIK, WOMEN ARE WEAK!

THEY'RE NOT AS STRONG AS MEN!

THEY FALL APART WHEN STUFF

HAPPEN -- THEY'RE A NERVOUS

WRECK, ESPECIALLY ON A WEDDING

DAY.

POPS, POPS, WHO WAS THAT?

WAS THAT MOM?

UH, IS EVERYTHING OKAY?

OH, NO -- THEY'RE READY BEFORE

WE ARE.

IS MIRANDA MAD?

THIS -- THIS IS BAD, POPS!

THIS IS BAD!

CHILL OUT!

MAN UP, OKAY? MAN UP!

OH, YEAH -- AND WOMEN,

THEY'RE EMOTIONAL AND UNSTABLE,

YEAH.

HI, GUYS.

OH.

LOOK -- C.J., YOU LOOK GREAT.

OH, LOOK AT MY BABY.

[ CURTIS CHUCKLES ]

OH, OH, OH!

OH, CALVIN, YOU LOOK HANDSOME!

CURTIS, DOESN'T HE LOOK GOOD?

I THINK I LOOK PRETTY GOOD,

TOO.

YE-- MMM.

ARE YOU READY?

OH.

YEAH, I'M AS READY AS I'LL EVER

BE.

SO, WHAT ABOUT YOUR VOWS?

OH, I GOT THAT COVERED, BIG

DOG.

I WROTE A POEM CALLED "FOREVER."

GOOD.

THAT'S BEAUTIFUL -- "FOREVER."

THAT'S GOOD, SWEETIE.

OOH -- "FOREVER."

[ LAUGHS ]

IT'S CUTE. THIS IS GREAT. OKAY.

UH, MOM?

HMM?

IS EVERYTHING OKAY, 'CAUSE

YOU'RE ACTING STRANGE.

MIRANDA'S OKAY, RIGHT?

SHE -- SHE STILL WANTS TO GET

MARRIED, RIGHT?

YES!

MIRANDA IS NEXT DOOR COOL AS A

CUCUMBER.

LOOK, YOU KNOW HOW WOMEN ARE

* ON THEIR WEDDING DAY *

YEAH, SO I HEARD.

OH.

BUT, LISTEN, JEFFREY HAD A

LITTLE EMERGENCY, SO HE AND

JULIA HAVEN'T EVEN ARRIVED YET,

BUT DOES MIRANDA LOVE YOU?

AH!

OH, SHE LOVES YOU, CALVIN, BUT

SHE'S NOT GOING TO GET DRESSED

UNTIL * THEY GET HERE *

SO THE WEDDING WILL BE DELAYED.

SEE YOU.

WHOA!

OH, GOODNESS

OH!