Original subtitles

CALVIN, I'M TELLING YOU,

EVERYTHING'S GONNA BE OKAY.

HI, EVERYBODY.

HEY.

MIRANDA, WILL YOU STOP TRYING

TO MAKE ME FEEL BETTER?

THE WEDDING IS RUINED!

MS. PAYNE, PLEASE HELP ME.

CALVIN, BABY, WHATEVER IT IS,

IT CAN BE FIXED.

NO, IT WON'T.

SHE ASKED FOR BAROPPY CRYSTALS

AND THEY GAVE HER RHINESTONES!

MIRANDA, BAROPPY WHAT?

HE'S TALKING ABOUT

BALLENTINE CRYSTALS.

OH, THAT'S NICE. AH!

OH, IT DOESN'T MATTER.

THEY PUT RHINESTONES ALL OVER

THE GOWN.

CALVIN, RHINESTONES CAN BE

NICE, YOU KNOW?

DIDN'T BEYONCE'S HAVE

RHINESTONES ON HER DRESS WHEN

SHE PERFORMED WITH PRINCE?

JANINE, YOU'RE NOT HELPING.

AND DO I LOOK LIKE PRINCE?

OOH! OOH!

CALVIN, PLEASE, JUST SIT

DOWN.

RUNNING 'ROUND HERE,

CRYING ABOUT SOME DOGGONE

VALENTINE CRYSTAL AND

RHINESTONES AND DRESSES.

ARE YOU SWITCHING ON ME?

YOU SWITCHING UP?

AT LEAST HER GOWN FITS.

MY TUXEDO IS TOO TIGHT.

AND I'M BLOATED.

I'M CRABBY. I'M TIRED.

'CAUSE YOU'RE JUST

OVERWEIGHT.

I'M NOT OVERWEIGHT.

YOU WATCH YOURSELF.

I'M SENSITIVE.

UNCLE, I'M JUST SAYING, HOW

DID YOU GAIN THAT MUCH WEIGHT

SINCE THE LAST FITTING?

CURTIS, THAT'S WHAT I WANT TO

KNOW, BABY.

SINCE YOUR HEART ATTACK, YOU

WERE SUPPOSED TO BE WATCHING

WHAT YOU EAT.

LOOK, I WISH YOU ALL WOULD

STOP.

I HAVEN'T GAINED ANY WEIGHT.

I AM WATCHING WHAT I EAT, ELLA.

YOU'RE WATCHING IT GO FROM

THE PLATE INTO YOUR MOUTH.

SOMEBODY SWITCHED MY TUXEDO.

I DON'T THINK THEY SWITCHED

YOUR TUXEDO.

I THINK YOU'RE JUST GAINING

WEIGHT.

I THINK YOU NEED TO KEEP YOUR

HANDS OFF OF ME.

[ LAUGHS ]

IT'S NOT FUNNY.

YOU PEOPLE NEED TO BE A LITTLE

MORE SENSITIVE.

LOOK, I'M TELLING YOU ALL,

I HAVE NOT GAINED ANY WEIGHT.

ALL RIGHT? END OF SUBJECT.

DROP IT.

AND I'M NOT PAYING FOR NO

ALTERATIONS EITHER.

THEY'RE JUST GONNA HAVE TO

REFUND MY DEPOSIT AND WE'RE

GONNA GET OUT TUXEDOS SOMEWHERE

ELSE.

WHOA, WHOA, WHOA. HELLO?

IT'S MY WEDDING, NOT YOURS.

AND NOBODY'S GONNA BE LOOKING AT

YOU IN YOUR TIGHT LITTLE TUX,

FAT HEAD.

THEY'LL BE LAUGHING AT MY BRIDE

IN HER RHINESTONE GOWN.

BABY, NOW THE PEOPLE SAID

THAT THEY WOULD TAKE ALL THE

RHINESTONES OFF THE DRESS AND

PUT THE BALLENTINE CRYSTALS ON

LIKE I WANT.

BABY, IT DOESN'T MATTER.

I'LL KNOW THE RHINESTONES WERE

STILL THERE.

UGH!

SON, SON!

I THINK YOU LADIES COULD BE A

LITTLE MORE SENSITIVE.

LITTLE MORE SENSITIVE. I'M COMING, SON!

I'M COMING, SON!

OH, CALVIN, I CAN'T BELIEVE

WE'RE ACTUALLY ABOUT TO GET

MARRIED.

I KNEW YOU WERE THE ONE THE

FIRST DAY I MET YOU.

WAIT.

WAS THAT BEFORE OR AFTER YOU

HUSTLED ME?

BABY! ACTUALLY, THOUGH, HMM.

IT WAS DURING.

YOU KNOW, IT JUST DIDN'T FEEL

THE SAME, SO I KNEW THAT WE WERE

MEANT TO BE.

MOVE, MOVE. MOVE.

YOU'RE GOING TO MAKE ME MESS UP.

YOU KNOW WHAT? YOU ARE JUST

SO ROMANTIC RIGHT NOW.

LOVE YOU.

[ TELEPHONE RINGS ]

BABY, DON'T YOU SEE ME PLAYING

THIS GAME?

YOU GONNA GET THE PHONE?

DON'T YOU SEE ME PLANNING OUR

WEDDING?

HELLO.

WHAT?

WAIT, WAIT, WAIT, WAIT.

HOW COULD HE DO THIS TO ME?

HE KNOWS I'M GETTING MARRIED IN

TWO WEEKS.

SO WHAT I HAVEN'T BEEN TO CHURCH

IN 19 YEARS.

I'M STILL HURT.

YOU KNOW WHAT?

WHATEVER. WHATEVER.

I NEVER CARED ABOUT HIM ANYWAY.

HOW ABOUT THAT?

YOU KNOW WHAT? I'M HANGING UP.

I'M HANGING UP ON YOU.

I'M HANGING UP. BYE.

BABY, WHAT'S GOING ON?

MY SELFISH PASTOR DIED.

AW, BABY.

I'M SO SORRY TO HEAR THAT.

ARE YOU OKAY?

NO. YOU KNOW WHAT?

YOU KNOW WHAT? IT'S A SIGN.

IT HAS TO BE A SIGN.

THAT'S WHAT IT IS.

WELL, THEN WHO'S GONNA

PERFORM THE CEREMONY FOR US?

USHER BOY NUMBER FOUR.

OH, YOU GOT TO BE KIDDING.

OH, OKAY.

LISTEN, WE WILL WORRY ABOUT THAT

LATER.

BUT WE HAVE SO MANY THINGS

STILL WE NEED TO DO. SO, BABY,

CAN YOU DO ME A FAVOR?

I NEED YOU TO CALL THE CATERER,

AND I NEED YOU TO CONFIRM THE

MENU FOR THE RECEPTION. OKAY?

DON'T YOU SEE ME PLAYING THIS

GAME?

OKAY. YOU KNOW WHAT?

I'M SO TIRED OF YOU.

MOVE, MOVE, MOVE.

MOVE, MOVE, MOVE. YOU'RE GONNA MAKE ME MESS UP.

YOU'RE GONNA MAKE ME MESS UP.

HI, HOW ARE YOU?

YES, CAN I PLEASE SPEAK TO

VINCENT?

OH, HEY, VINCENT.

YEAH, YEAH. IT'S MIRANDA.

YES.

EVERYTHING'S GOING, YOU KNOW,

PRETTY GOOD.

HA, HA.

ANYWAY, I WANTED TO CALL AND

CONFIRM THAT WE ARE GOING TO GO

WITH THE VEGGIE LASAGNA AND THE

CHICKEN MARSALA. MM-HMM.

WHAT?

HOLD ON, ONE SECOND.

HEY, BABE.

SHH, SHH.

NO. NO. NO.

NO. NO. NO.

NO, THIS, RIGHT NOW, THIS IS

IMPORTANT.

WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

YOU JUST MADE ME DIE.

ARE YOU SERIOUS?

LOOK.

LISTEN, THERE IS NO CHICKEN.

THEY'RE OUT OF CHICKEN, SO WE

CAN'T HAVE CHICKEN MARSALA.

NO. NO. NO. NO.

IT'S A SIGN. IT'S A SIGN.

DEAD PASTORS, A BLACK CATERING

COMPANY IS OUT OF CHICKEN,

YOU MADE ME LOSE MY GAME.

IT'S A SIGN.

ARE YOU SURE WE'RE SUPPOSED TO

GET MARRIED?

VINCENT, LET ME GIVE YOU A

CALL RIGHT BACK, OKAY?

HAVE A SEAT.

COME ON, LET'S SIT DOWN.

COME ON.

FOR ME, PLEASE.

BABY, I THINK WE SHOULD DO

PREMARITAL COUNSELING.

[ SCOFFS ]

YEAH, RIGHT. I'M GONNA PLAY THIS

GAME AGAIN. I KNOW THAT.

GAME AGAIN. I KNOW THAT. YOU WANT ME TO HURT YOU?

YOU WANT ME TO HURT YOU?

HEY, BABY, WHERE'S THE SCALE

AT?

WHAT SCALE, BABY?

WE DON'T HAVE A SCALE.

GET THE MEASURING TAPE.

GET THE MEASURING TAPE AND

MEASURE ME 'CAUSE I THINK I LOST

SOME WEIGHT.

YOU'RE EATING A COOKIE AND

YOU THINK YOU HAVE LOST SOME

WEIGHT SINCE THIS AFTERNOON?

YES. DON'T BE JEALOUS.

PUT YOUR HAND UP HIGH, BABY.

BABY.

UNH-UNH.

IT'S TOO MUCH.

WHOO, LORD.

UH-OH.

WHAT DOES IT SAY?

OUCH.

WOULD YOU QUIT PLAYING?

WHAT DOES IT SAY, WOMAN?

IT SAYS I NEED SOME MORE

TAPE.

WILL YOU QUIT PLAYING AND

COME ON, BABY?

OKAY, OKAY, BABY.

WHAT YOU MEASURE THAT FOR?

THAT'S MUSCLE. THAT AIN'T GOING

NOWHERE.

YES, SIR.

OKAY. SPREAD 'EM, SPREAD 'EM.

UNH-UNH, UNH-UNH.

WAIT.

WHAT YOU DOING?

BABY, HOW MUCH DID YOU WEIGH

THIS MORNING?

I DON'T KNOW.

OKAY, CURTIS, HOW DO YOU KNOW

IF YOU'VE LOST WEIGHT IF YOU

DON'T KNOW YOUR ORIGINAL

MEASUREMENTS?

I DON'T NEED MY ORIGINAL.

I'M LIGHT ON MY FEET.

I'M LIGHT ON MY FEET.

RUN, GO GET YOU ANOTHER

COOKIE.

RUN, RUN, RUN!

CALVIN, LISTEN.

IT'S A GOOD IDEA.

WHY WON'T YOU?

MS. PAYNE, I'M TRYING TO GET

CALVIN TO GO TO PREMARITAL

COUNSELING, BUT HE WON'T AGREE.

OKAY, CALVIN, WHY NOT?

BECAUSE SHE WANTS TO USE HER

PASTOR, AND I KNOW HE WON'T BE

FAIR TO ME.

WELL, WHY WOULD YOU SAY THAT?

WELL, BECAUSE I USED TO DATE

BOTH OF HIS TWIN DAUGHTERS.

CALVIN, PREMARITAL

COUNSELING IS NECESSARY.

IT WILL GET YOU STARTED OFF ON

THE RIGHT FOOT.

WELL, PERSONALLY, I THINK

IT'S A WASTE OF TIME, BUT SINCE

YOU GUYS KEEP PRESSURING ME,

OKAY, FINE. I'LL DO IT.

BUT IT'S A SIGN.

SHE MADE ME LOSE MY LAST MAN ON

THE GAME, DEAD PASTORS, THEY'RE

OUT OF CHICKEN AND THEY'RE A

BLACK CATERING COMPANY AND, AND

WE ALREADY NEED COUNSELING.

WE ALREADY NEED COUNSELING. IT'S A SIGN.

IT'S A SIGN.

YOU WILL LOVE GOD.

YOU WILL NEVER GO TO JAIL.

MS. ELLA.

YOU WILL -- WAIT, WAIT, WAIT,

MOVE, MOVE, MOVE.

CURTIS!

CURTIS! [ LAUGHTER ]

[ LAUGHTER ]

OKAY, CURTIS, WHAT ARE YOU DOING

NOW, BABE?

WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

WHAT DOES IT LOOK LIKE I'M

DOING? I'M LOSING WEIGHT.

YOU LOOK LIKE YOU SHOULD BE

FLOATING OVER A TOP OF A PARADE

OR SOMETHING.

WHERE IS YOUR MESSAGE?

HA, HA, HA.

BUNCH OF COMEDIANS.

FUNNY YOU ALL AIN'T MAKING NO

MONEY OFF OF IT.

NO, FOR REAL, UNCLE CURTIS,

YOU'RE REALLY NOT LOSING

NO WEIGHT, MAN, YOU'RE JUST

DOING A LOT OF SWEATING.

THAT'S ALL WATER WEIGHT,

UNCLE CURTIS.

YOU HAVEN'T BEEN BURNING ANY

FAT.

LOOK, IT'S A START.

BUT, CURTIS, YOU KNOW ONCE

YOU DRINK WATER, YOU'RE JUST

GONNA SWELL BACK UP.

THEN I WON'T DRINK ANY WATER

EVER, EVER AGAIN.

I WON'T DRINK NO WATER.

MAN, YOU CAN'T JUST STOP

DRINKING WATER.

UNTIL YOU CHANGE YOUR DIET

AND EXERCISE REGULARLY, YOU'RE

NOT GOING TO LOSE ANY WEIGHT.

HA. THAT SHOWS WHAT YOU KNOW.

'CAUSE I WENT AND BOUGHT

A SCALE, AND I'VE ALREADY LOST

FIVE POUNDS.

IF YOU NEVER HAD A SCALE

BEFORE, HOW DO YOU KNOW HOW MUCH

WEIGHT YOU HAVE LOST?

I JUST KNOW, ELLA.

OKAY?

NOW, Y'ALL CAN MAKE FUN ALL YOU

WANT TO.

YOU'RE GONNA BE THE ONE GONNA BE

HATING WHEN I'M THE SHARPEST ONE

AT THE WEDDING.

THAT MAY BE TRUE, BUT RIGHT

NOW, WE JUST WANT TO RIP YOU

OPEN AND SEE HOW MUCH POPCORN

FALLS OUT.

YOU'RE A HATER.

YOU'RE A HATER. YOU A HATER.

AND YOU'RE HAVING A LITTLE

HATER.

[ DOORBELL RINGS ]

WE DON'T WANT ANY.

CALVIN, WHY DIDN'T YOU OPEN

THE DOOR FOR THE PASTOR?

HI, PASTOR JONES, HOW ARE YOU?

WELCOME.

PLEASE COME IN.

THIS IS MY FIANCEÉ, CALVIN.

OH, PLEASE, PLEASE HAVE A SEAT.

OH, PLEASE, PLEASE HAVE A SEAT. WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

SO, YOU KNOW, I'M VERY GLAD

THAT YOU DECIDED TO TAKE THE

NEXT STEP.

YOU KNOW, IT'S NICE TO BUILD A

FOUNDATION, AND YOU'RE A YOUNG

COUPLE.

AND SINCE THE AVERAGE PERSON

LIVES TO BE WELL OVER 80, YOU

COULD BE TOGETHER FOR THE NEXT

60 YEARS.

[ COUGHS ]

EXCUSE ME.

DID YOU JUST SAY 60 YEARS?

YES, AND SINCE YOU TWO ARE

TOGETHER, I WOULD JUST LIKE --

WHOA, WHOA, WHOA, WHOA,

I'M GETTING NAUSEOUS. WAIT.

DID THE ROOM JUST GET A LITTLE

SMALLER?

CALVIN, SIT DOWN.

OVER HERE.

[ CLEARS THROAT ]

HOW DID YOU TWO MEET?

OKAY. SHH, SHH.

WE ACTUALLY MET ABOUT A YEAR AGO

ON A DANCE FLOOR.

WELL, THAT'S GREAT.

THAT MEANS THAT YOU'VE DATED

FOR AT LEAST A YEAR.

WELL, WE DATED FOR ABOUT A

WEEK, AND --

AND THEN SHE ROBBED ME.

EXCUSE ME?

CALVIN.

WHAT? YOU WANTED THE

COUNSELING. I MEAN, HE'S A

PASTOR, A MAN OF GOD.

GO AHEAD AND TELL THE TRUTH.

BE HONEST.

I TOOK ALL THE MONEY OUT OF

HIS BANK ACCOUNTS, AND I TOOK

CASH ADVANCES ON ALL HIS CREDIT

CARDS.

WELL, THAT'S NORMALLY WHAT A

WIFE DOES, SON.

BUT I GAVE IT ALL BACK.

NOW, A WIFE DOESN'T DO THAT,

NOW.

AND, WE'VE BEEN IN LOVE EVER

SINCE.

OH, SO, SINCE WE MENTIONED

MONEY, LET'S TALK ABOUT THAT

FIRST.

DO YOU PLAN ON HAVING JOINT

ACCOUNTS?

OH, YES.

NO.

BUT I THOUGHT WE WOULD HAVE

SEPARATE ACCOUNTS.

AND WHAT MADE YOU THINK THAT?

BECAUSE IF WE HAVE JOINT

ACCOUNTS, YOU'LL HAVE ACCESS TO

ALL MY MONEY.

[ CHUCKLES ] WHAT MONEY?

SWITCHING SUBJECTS HERE.

DO YOU PLAN TO STAY IN ATLANTA?

YES.

NO.

NEXT TOPIC. KIDS?

[ BOTH ] YES.

SEE? SEE?

THERE'S SOMETHING WE AGREE ON.

HOW MANY DO YOU WANT?

TWO.

FIVE.

YOU WANT FIVE KIDS?

WHO DO YOU THINK IS GONNA HAVE

YOUR FIVE KIDS?

THAT'S ME THAT WOULD HAVE TO

CARRY THEM FOR NINE MONTHS AND

TO GO THROUGH ALL THAT --

NO, SIR.

BUT, BABY, I WANT THE

HUXTABLES.

ARE YOU SERIOUS?

THAT IS ON TV.

CLAIRE DIDN'T HAVE ALL THEM

KIDS.

THEY DIDN'T EVEN LOOK ALIKE.

LOOK, I GOT A PLAN.

NOW, TIGER WOODS' DAD GROOMED

HIM TO PLAY GOLF.

AND THE WILLIAMS SISTERS' DAD

MADE THEM TENNIS CHAMPS.

NOW, I'M GONNA MAKE A BAND.

IT'S MY JOE JACKSON PLAN.

I DON'T PLAN TO BE BROKE MY

WHOLE LIFE.

YOU KNOW WHAT?

YOU ARE SO RIGHT.

WE SHOULDN'T DO THIS.

SEE? SEE?

WE AGREE ON SOMETHING ELSE.

GOOD PASTOR.

I KNEW MARRIAGE COUNSELING WAS A

BAD IDEA.

GOOD NIGHT. THANK YOU.

NO, NO, NO, NO, NO.

THAT'S NOT WHAT I MEANT.

THIS MARRIAGE THING, THIS ISN'T

A GOOD IDEA.

A GOOD IDEA. CALVIN, THIS WEDDING IS OFF.

CALVIN, THIS WEDDING IS OFF.

HEY, PASTOR JONES.

HOW ARE YOU?

WHAT'S GOING ON?

MIRANDA CALLED OFF THE

WEDDING.

WHAT?

MIRANDA CALLED OFF THE

WEDDING.

BUT, SISTER ELLA, DON'T YOU

WORRY ABOUT A THING.

I'M SURE SHE'S GONNA COME

AROUND.

KEVIN --

[ BOTH ] CALVIN.

CALL ME WHEN YOU'RE READY FOR

YOUR SECOND SESSION.

MAN, I DON'T EVER WANT TO SEE

YOU AGAIN. GET OUT!

CALVIN!

I'M GONNA CAST THAT DEMON OUT

OF YOU, BOY.

DO NOT TALK TO PASTOR JONES

LIKE THAT.

MAMA, I'M SORRY.

I'M SO SORRY.

YOU KNOW WHAT? I'M SORRY.

GOD BLESS YOU AND GET OUT.

FORGIVE ME.

CALVIN PAYNE, SIT.

WHAT IS REALLY GOING ON WITH

YOU?

NOW, YOU COMPLAINED ABOUT THE

CHICKEN.

YOU'VE COMPLAINED ABOUT THE

PASTOR DYING, YOUR VIDEO GAME,

THE COUNSELING.

ARE YOU NERVOUS?

YEAH.

OH, BABY.

MOM, I JUST NEVER IMAGINED

BEING WITH ONE WOMAN FOR 60

YEARS.

I MEAN, IS IT POSSIBLE TO BE

HAPPY FOR THAT LONG?

YES.

LOOK AT ME AND YOUR FATHER.

CALVIN, BABY, DO YOU LOVE HER?

YES.

ARE YOU GOING TO STAY WITH

HER?

YES.

OKAY.

YOU'RE RIGHT.

I CAN'T IMAGINE LIVING WITHOUT

MIRANDA.

I NEED TO FIX IT.

GO.

AND DO WHAT YOU GOT TO DO, BABY.

AND DO WHAT YOU GOT TO DO, BABY. THANKS, MOM.

THANKS, MOM.

FIRST OF ALL, I'D LIKE TO THANK

EVERYBODY FOR PARTICIPATING IN

THIS FAMILY MEETING.

NOW, WHERE ARE THE CHILDREN?

WHERE ELSE?

OVER AT TIFFANY AND DESMOND'S.

AND, PLEASE, DON'T MENTION THEM

AGAIN 'CAUSE THEY MAY CALL.

WHERE'S POPS?

I DON'T KNOW.

SOMEWHERE DOING SOME PILATES.

IN A RIDICULOUS OUTFIT.

COME ON, BABY, COME ON.

WHAT IS ALL THIS ABOUT?

IT'S ABOUT MIRANDA CALLING

OFF THE WEDDING.

I DIDN'T KNOW, CALVIN.

I'M SORRY. WHAT HAPPENED?

IT'S A LONG STORY.

LACK OF CHICKENS, DEAD PASTORS,

I CAN'T MAKE MY BAND.

JUST PURE MAYHEM.

A BAND?

BUT YOU KNOW WHAT?

I'M NOT GOING DOWN WITHOUT A

FIGHT. NO, I'M NOT.

GOOD. CALVIN, WHAT CAN WE

DO TO HELP YOU?

FIRST OF ALL, JANINE, I NEED

YOU TO CHECK ON MIRANDA'S

WEDDING GOWN.

MAKE SURE IT'S PERFECT WITH

THOSE CRYSTAL THINGS AND MORE

BEAUTIFUL THAN SHE COULD HAVE

EVER IMAGINED.

ALL RIGHT?

NOW, MOM.

I NEED YOU TO CHECK ON THE

FLOWERS.

MAKE SURE THEY ARE PERFECT.

OKAY, GOOD.

C.J., MY MAN --

YES, SIR.

I NEED TO FIND ANYBODY THAT

CAN MAKE CHICKEN MARSALA.

CHICKEN MARSALA.

YES. AND I NEED YOU TO GET

MIRANDA OVER HERE LATER.

HOW AM I GONNA DO THAT?

MAN, I DON'T KNOW, MAN, JUST

DO IT!

WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

COME ON, LET'S GO.

HUT, HUT, HUT.

OH, YOU MEAN NOW.

WAIT, SHE CAN'T HUT TOO FAST.

I'M HUTTING.

MOVE.

YOU AIN'T GOT TO BE ALL MEAN

ABOUT IT.

HEY, UNCLE CURTIS, IS THAT

ICE CREAM?

WITH STRAWBERRIES ON TOP?

YES AND YES.

CURTIS, BABY, HOW ARE YOU

SUPPOSED TO LOSE WEIGHT IF

YOU'RE EATING ICE CREAM?

I DON'T KNOW AND I DON'T

CARE!

I'M DEPRESSED.

POP, DON'T WORRY.

ME AND MIRANDA ARE GONNA WORK

OUT THAT WEDDING.

WILL YOU GET AWAY FROM ME,

CALVIN?

NOBODY CARE ABOUT YOU AND THAT

GIRL'S WEDDING.

I'M DEPRESSED BECAUSE I'M

GAINING WEIGHT.

I'M BLOATED.

I GOT CRAMPS, AND I'M CRANKY.

I'M NEVER CRANKY LIKE THIS.

I JUST DON'T FEEL PRETTY, BABY.

YOU'RE NOT.

AND IT'S NOT ABOUT YOU.

ALWAYS ABOUT YOU.

C.J., YOU ARE THE MAN.

SO, HOW MUCH DID IT COST?

CALVIN!

I'LL CALL YOU BACK.

BABY, WHY AREN'T YOU IN THE

BED? HOW ARE YOU FEELING?

ARE YOU OKAY?

I'M NOT TIRED.

C.J. TOLD ME YOU FELL DOWN A

FLIGHT OF STAIRS.

BABY, WE DON'T EVEN HAVE

STAIRS.

YOU KNOW WHAT?

I'M OUT OF HERE.

NO, NO, NO. WAIT. WAIT.

BABY, I'M GLAD YOU'RE HERE.

SIT DOWN.

YOU DON'T WANT TO SIT BY ME?

NO.

LOOK, I JUST WANTED TO LET

YOU KNOW THAT EVERYTHING'S TAKEN

CARE OF.

I HAD JANINE GO FIX YOUR DRESS,

AND HERE'S A PICTURE OF IT AND I

AND HERE'S A PICTURE OF IT AND I DIDN'T EVEN LOOK AT IT.

DIDN'T EVEN LOOK AT IT.

OH, MY GOODNESS, BABY, IT'S

BEAUTIFUL.

JUST LIKE YOU.

AND NOT ONLY DID C.J. FIND

SOMEBODY THAT'LL MAKE CHICKEN

MARSALA, BUT THEY'LL PREPARE

EVERYTHING ELSE, TOO.

YOU'VE BEEN BUSY, HUH?

OH, BUT, THAT'S NOT IT.

PASTOR JONES IS GONNA PERFORM

THE CEREMONY, AND MY MOM GOT

TWICE THE AMOUNT OF FLOWERS FOR

HALF THE PRICE ALL BECAUSE THE

FLORIST LOVED HER PECAN PIE.

OH.

BABY, YOU ARE GONNA MAKE SUCH A

GREAT HUSBAND.

AND A FATHER OF FIVE.

HMM?

LOOK, BABY, I DON'T CARE IF

WE HAVE ONE CHILD, FIVE

CHILDREN, OR IF WE ADOPT.

AS LONG AS YOU'RE MY WIFE,

THAT'S ALL THAT MATTERS.

SO, MIRANDA LUCAS, WILL YOU

STILL BE MY WIFE?

STILL BE MY WIFE? YES.

YES.

YES! YES!

CHA-CHING! CHA-CHING!

[ LAUGHS ]

MOVE, WATCH YOURSELF.

WATCH YOURSELF.

MOVE THAT WAY.

OH! I'M SO HAPPY.

WOW, WORD TRAVELS FAST.

SO YOU'RE HAPPY THAT THE

WEDDING'S STILL ON?

NO. I DON'T CARE ABOUT YOUR

WEDDING.

I ACTUALLY LOST WEIGHT!

I LOST TWO POUNDS.

TWO POUNDS.

32 OUNCES, 56 GRAMS.

[ LAUGHS ]

WHOO! SO HAPPY.

WHAT WERE YOU TWO TALKING ABOUT?

I WAS THINKING MAYBE WE COULD

HAVE A BARBECUE TO CELEBRATE.

WE WOULD DO A FISH FRY.

BAKE OFF.

WE COULD DO A BAKE OFF.

EVERYBODY BAKE SOMETHING.