Original subtitles

OH, GOOD, BABY.

* HEY *

* I AM SO GLAD YOU GOT THIS

PAPER *

I WAS JUST COMING FOR IT.

HMM.

HERE YOU GO, MY LOVE.

CURTIS, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK

I WANT THE ENTERTAINMENT

SECTION?

WELL, WHAT ELSE DO YOU WANT?

FOR YOUR INFORMATION, I WAS

WANTING THE SPORTS PAGE.

ELLA, NAME -- NAME

A BASKETBALL PLAYER.

OH, PLEASE, CURTIS.

ALLEN IVERSON -- THE ANSWER.

VINCE CARTER -- HALF MAN,

HALF AMAZING!

CARMELO -- THE LIGHT-SKINDED

FELLOW.

I CAN GO ON.

PLEASE DON'T GO ON, BECAUSE

DON'T NOBODY CALL HIM

"THE LIGHT-SKINDED FELLOW."

HUH -- WELL, I DO.

[ CHUCKLES ]

OW.

HERE, MISS SPORTS PAGE.

I DON'T WANT THAT.

I'LL TAKE THIS -- ENTERTAINMENT.

YOU KNOW WHAT?

WHAT'S WRONG?

WELL, I TRIED TO PROPOSE TO

MIRANDA, BUT SHE --

SHE SAID NO?

YEAH, THAT'S WHAT I'M TALKING --

YOU REMEMBER WHAT I TOLD YOU?

YOU REMEMBER WHAT I TOLD YOU

ABOUT HER?

CURTIS --

I DON'T LIKE HER.

THERE -- I SAID IT.

I DON'T LIKE HER!

SHE THINKS SHE BETTER THAN US,

ALWAYS HAVE.

AND SHE LOOK FUNNY.

CURTIS?

IF YOU LOOK AT HER SIDEWAY,

ELLA -- WHAT DID YOU SAY?

YOU BE -- YOU SAID IF YOU LOOK

AT HER SIDEWAYS, SHE LOOK LIKE

A CRICKET, AND I WAS CRACKING UP

WHEN YOU SAID IT.

POPS, SHE DIDN'T SAY NO --

I HAVEN'T ASKED HER YET.

THAT'S WHAT YOU GET --

THAT'S WHAT YOU GET.

LOOK, AND DON'T YOU TELL HER

WHAT YOUR MAMA SAID.

MAMA, YOU SAY THAT?

WELL, BABY, DO YOU WANT ME

TO GIVE YOU A FEW SUGGESTIONS?

NO, THANKS.

I'M JUST GOING TO KEEP IT SIMPLE

AND PROPOSE AT HOME.

I ALREADY WASTED $200 ON

OVERPRICED FOOD AND A WAITER

WITH AN ATTITUDE.

* OVERPRICED FOOD AND

A WAITER WITH AN ATTITUDE *

[ MAKES BEAT BOX NOISES ]

[ CHUCKLES ]

YOU COULD BE A RAPPER.

HEY, LOOK, I DON'T CARE WHAT YOU

DO, WHERE YOU DO, WHEN YOU GOING

TO DO IT.

UH-OH!

LOOK -- GET OUT, OKAY?

HEY, I GOT THE MAN COMING,

I DONE FORWARDED YOUR MAIL.

I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHERE IT'S

GOING -- I JUST FORWARDED IT.

I JUST WROTE ON THERE "FORWARD."

[ LAUGHTER ]

AND I GOT THE PEOPLE COMING TO

PAINT THE ROOM.

[ ELLA LAUGHS ]

WE GOING TO PAINT IT TEAL --

YEAH.

WITH THE BEIGE TRIM.

OH, BABY -- AND THEY COMING TO

PUT THE POLE UP.

OOH.

CAN ME AND MIRANDA USE IT--

GOOD NIGHT.

[ FLOYD WHISTLES ]

HEY.

GOOD MORNING, LADIES.

GOOD MORNING.

WELCOME.

WHERE'S DELANTE?

WHY?

WHAT -- WHAT'D YOU HEAR?

I MEAN, I'M NOT HIS MAMA.

HE AIN'T KEEPING TABS ON ME,

I'M NOT KEEPING TABS ON HIM.

I MEAN, HE DON'T GOT TO CHECK

IN WITH ME EVERY TIME.

WHY YOU ASK ME THEM QUESTIONS?

OKAY, FIRST OF ALL, I'M GOING

TO NEED YOU TO SWITCH TO DECAF.

SECOND OF ALL, HE WAS JUST

ASKING IN GENERAL.

OH.

WELL, SPEAK OF THE DEVIL --

WE WAS JUST TALKING ABOUT YOU.

WHOA, HOLD ON -- WHY?

WHAT -- WHAT -- WHAT YOU ALL

TALKING ABOUT ME FOR?

I MEAN, WHAT DID I --

CAN I GET TO MY STATION?

GOOD MORNING TO YOU, TOO.

SEE, THAT'S WHY WE DOING DRUG

TESTING RIGHT THERE.

YEAH.

YOU MUST'VE HAD A REALLY HOT

DATE TO BE COMING IN ALL LATE

LIKE THIS.

YEAH, IT -- IT -- IT WAS ALL

RIGHT.

"ALL RIGHT"?

YEAH, IT WAS ALL RIGHT.

HMM.

WELL, I WENT TO THE MOVIES LAST

NIGHT AND I SAW "HEAVEN'S LOVE"

AND IT WAS GOOD.

YEAH, I SAW IT, TOO, AND IT

WAS BORING.

KIND OF LIKE THIS

CONVERSATION.

LOOK -- LOOK, HERE, WE GOT SOME

CUSTOMERS.

WHAT'S UP, MAN?

BE WITH YOU IN A SECOND.

YOU GOT HIM?

LOOK -- What?

I'M GOING TO PICK THE

D.V.D. FROM NOW ON.

TONIGHT, WE WILL WATCH IT AT

MY PLACE.

OKAY.

I'LL BRING THE WINE.

COOL.

I'LL BRING THE FINE.

[ CHUCKLES ]

LOOK, MIRANDA, I KNOW I'VE

BEEN KIND OF QUIET.

THAT'S BECAUSE I HAD SOMETHING

ON MY MIND --

OR SHOULD I SAY MY HEART?

WOW, YOU ARE LOOKING SEXY --

HMM!

LOOK, BABY, I GUESS WHAT I'M

TRYING TO SAY IS, WILL YOU --

[ As Calvin ] MY NAME IS

CALVIN, AND I'M A PROQUARIUS.

[ CHUCKLES ]

POPS, DON'T SNEAK UP ON ME

LIKE THAT.

YOU OUGHT TO MEET HER SISTER,

THROW PILLOW.

[ LAUGHS ]

I KNEW I SHOULD'T'VE LEFT YOU

ALONE WITH MY FURNITURE, YOU

LITTLE FREAK.

MOVE.

QUIT LOOKING AT HER LIKE THAT.

DID HE PUT HIS -- DID HE PUT HIS

HANDS ON YOU?

DID HE SQUEEZE YOU LIKE THIS?

WHAT'D IT DO TO YOU?

VERY FUNNY, POPS.

[ CURTIS CHUCKLES ]

CALVIN, COME HERE.

I'M SERIOUS, COME ON.

I WANT TO TALK TO YOU REAL

QUICK.

SIT DOWN.

DON'T YOU KNOW MIRANDA'S CRAZY

ABOUT YOU?

WHICH, TECHNICALLY,

MAKES HER CRAZY?

BUT, SHE'S CRAZY ABOUT YOU,

SO --

YOU THINKING ABOUT THIS TOO

MUCH, MAN.

JUST SAY WHAT'S IN YOUR HEART

AND YOU'LL SAY THE RIGHT THING.

WOW, POPS.

I THINK THAT'S THE NICEST THING

YOU'VE EVER SAID TO ME.

WELL, THERE IT IS, THEN.

BUT YOU'RE RIGHT.

AND WHAT -- WHAT'S THE WORST

THAT COULD HAPPEN?

THE WORST THAT COULD HAPPEN?

YOU SAY, "MIRANDA, WILL YOU

MARRY ME?"

SHE SAY, "NO, I WON'T MARRY YOU!

NO, NO, NO!"

OKAY NO, NO!

NO, I WON'T!

STOP!

NO, NO!

NO!

NO, I WON'T!

NO, I WON'T!

WORST-CASE SCENARIO.

OH, MY GOODNESS.

WHAT'S THE MATTER?

POPS, THE RING IS GONE.

YOU DIDN'T LOSE IT JUST

NOW -- I KNEW THIS WOULD HAPPEN.

MAN, THIS -- THIS IS A TOMEN.

IT'S A TOMEN.

POPS, DON'T YOU MEAN AN

"OMEN"?

WHATEVER.

LOOK -- NO.

WILL YOU STOP JOKING AND HELP ME

LOOK FOR IT, PLEASE?

WELL, HOW YOU -- WELL, YOU

JUST NOW LOOKING FOR THE RING?

YOU AIN'T SEE IT BEFORE?

HEY, GUYS.

WHAT YOU DOING?

HE DONE LOST MIRANDA'S RING.

WHAT? WHERE?

BIG DOG, IF I KNEW, IT

WOULDN'T BE LOST, NOW, WOULD IT?

C.J., CAN YOU HELP ME LOOK FOR

IT?

MOM, CAN YOU CHECK BY THE TABLE?

BIG DOG, LOOK AROUND THE FLOOR.

LITTLE BIT, YOU GOT SMALL HANDS.

DIG DEEP DOWN INTO THE SOFA.

HMM.

LITTLE BIT, WHY ARE YOU

SITTING THERE?

HELP!

UH -- COUSIN CALVIN?

WHAT?

I HAVE YOUR RING.

WHAT?

WELL, JAZMINE, WHERE IS IT?

YEAH -- LOST.

WHAT?

YEAH.

I MEANT TO TELL YOU ABOUT

THAT -- HUH.

WHEN I WAS DONE PLAYING WITH IT,

I SORT OF, YOU KNOW, COULDN'T

FIND IT, SO --

JAZMINE?

WHEN YOU WERE PLAYING WITH

COUSIN CALVIN'S RING, DID

YOU SET IT DOWN ANYWHERE?

I DON'T REMEMBER.

WAS IT IN YOUR ROOM?

I DON'T REMEMBER.

DID YOU PLAY WITH IT OUTSIDE?

I STILL DON'T REMEMBER.

JAZMINE?

IF I TAKE MY BELT OFF, WILL

THAT HELP YOU REMEMBER?

NO, NO, POPS, MAYBE YOU'RE

RIGHT.

MAYBE THIS IS AN OMEN.

I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU LOST THE

RING.

DON'T WORRY, COUSIN CALVIN.

I'LL JUST SAVE UP MY ALLOWANCE

AND BUY YOU A NEW RING.

JAZMINE, YOU CAN'T AFFORD TO

REPLACE THIS RING.

YES, I CAN, BECAUSE IT LOOKED

CHEAP TO ME ANYWAY.

THANK GOODNESS FOR OUR LUNCH

BREAK.

HMM.

HMM, AND THANK GOODNESS FOR

ALL-YOU-CAN-EAT BUFFETS --

[ CHUCKLES ]

BECAUSE YOU KNOW MR. FLOYD EATS,

RESTS, THEN EATS AGAIN.

HMM.

I WANT SOME MORE OF THAT SOY

SAUCE.

DANA, WHY ARE YOU ON THE

FLOOR?

OOH, GIRL, I LOST MY CONTACT.

MM-HMM.

WOW, I DIDN'T KNOW THEY MADE

CONTACTS ON AN ANGLE.

UM -- YO, I GOT IT.

GIRL -- FOUND IT.

MM-HMM.

WHEW.

SAY, MR. FLOYD, I THOUGHT

Y'ALL WERE GOING TO THAT

ALL-YOU-CAN-EAT BUFFET.

WE HAD TO LEAVE BECAUSE THEY

CHANGED THE PRICE FROM $5.50

TO $6.

DO YOU KNOW THAT I CAN BUY

A CHITTERLING BURRITO WITH

50 CENTS?

AND WHAT HAPPENED TO Y'ALL?

I THOUGHT Y'ALL WERE GOING TO

EAT.

I'M NOT HUNGRY.

I'M FASTING.

HEY.

SAY, DANA, THAT LIPSTICK THAT

YOU KEEP ON HAVING TO REAPPLY?

MM-HMM?

IT'S A GOOD LOOK.

WHAT KIND IS IT?

KISSABLE STRAWBERRY.

YOU -- YOU -- YOU -- YOU KNOW

WHAT?

I THINK I WILL TAKE MY LUNCH

BREAK.

YOU -- YOU KNOW WHAT?

I -- I -- I THINK I'M GETTING

HUNGRY, TOO.

I THINK I'M GOING TO GO GET SOME

LUNCH, TOO.

I THOUGHT YOU WAS FASTING.

OH, BUT YOU KNOW WHAT?

FAST FOOD IS FASTING, YEAH.

HUH -- THEY THINK WE STUPID,

DON'T THEY?

YEAH, THEY DO.

[ CHUCKLES ]

GOOD, YOU'RE HERE -- I NEED

EVERYBODY TO COME OUT HERE,

PLEASE.

WHAT'S HAPPENING?

WHAT'S HAPPENING?

GOOD -- OKAY.

AS YOU ALL KNOW, I'VE BEEN

TRYING TO PROPOSE TO MIRANDA FOR

WHAT SEEMS LIKE AN ETERNITY.

IT SURE HAS BEEN AN ETERNITY.

OH, AND I GOT TO GIVE A SHOUT

OUT TO BIG DOG FOR FINDING THE

RING.

WHOO.

HOO-HOO, HOO-HOO! WOOF!

I WOULD'VE NEVER THOUGHT TO

LOOK IN THE TOASTER.

OH -- THAT'S RIGHT.

MISS MISSY WANTED AN ENGLISH

MUFFIN.

MIRANDA IS ON HER WAY AND

I WANT YOU GUYS TO BE HERE AND

SHARE THE MOMENT WITH ME -- MORE

IMPORTANTLY, I NEED YOU GUYS TO

MAKE SURE NOTHING GOES WRONG,

AND I NEED IT TO BE VERY

SPECIAL, PLEASE.

[ DOORBELL RINGS ]

OH, THAT'S HER, THAT'S HER.

GET READY -- VERY SPECIAL,

SPECIAL.

JUST LIKE IT WAS IN CHURCH.

YEAH.

WE GOING TO MAKE IT SPECIAL

LIKE IT WAS IN CHURCH, OKAY.

COOL.

HEY, BABY.

HEY, BABY.

COME IN.

HI, EVERYBODY.

* L IS FOR THE WAY

YOU LOVE ME *

* O *

"O" IS FOR "OH, SHUT UP."

UM --

[ CHUCKLES ]

EXCUSE ME?

WHAT'S -- WHAT'S GOING ON HERE?

LOOK, MIRANDA, I'VE BEEN

WAITING FOR THE PERFECT MOMENT

TO TELL YOU THIS, BUT --

[ HUMMING ]

You're too early.

[ HUMMING ]

AHEM!

[ HUMMING STOPS ]

MM-HMM, MM-HMM, MM-HMM.

BUT WITH MY LUCK, I'M JUST

GOING TO COME OUT AND SAY IT.

SO WHAT'S UP?

MIRANDA, YOU'RE THE

KINDEST --

* YOU'RE THE KINDEST *

SWEETEST --

AW.

* SWEETEST *

MOST BEAUTIFUL WOMAN I'VE

EVER KNOWN.

* MOST BEAUTIFUL WOMAN I'VE

EVER KNOWN *

* OOH-OOH-OOH *

KEEP HOLDING IT, KEEP HOLDING

IT, KEEP HOLDING IT, KEEP

HOLDING IT, KEEP HOLDING IT.

CUT HIM OFF.

CUT HIM --

WOW.

ANYWAY, MIRANDA LUCAS --

* MIRANDA LUCAS *

JANINE.

* JANINE *

NO, NO.

JANINE IS HERE.

OH.

MOM, YOU'RE BACK!

HI!

MOVE, MOVE, MOVE, MOVE, MOVE,

MOVE, MOVE.

LET HER SIT DOWN.

HEY, BABIES.

COME ON, JANINE.

OKAY.

OOH, HI, BABY!

HOW YOU DOING?

OOH.

DOES MY HOUSE HAVE SOME KIND

OF MAGNETIC PULL?

CAN'T YOU PEOPLE LEAVE AND STAY

GONE?

JANINE, WHY ARE YOU HERE?

WELL --

HELLO?

I WAS IN THE MIDDLE OF

SOMETHING.

CALVIN, PLEASE?

SO, UH, MA, WHAT'S --

MALIK?

GROWNUP TALKING -- OKAY.

COME ON, JAZ, LET'S GO TO THE

BACK.

I THOUGHT, I JUST THOUGHT

AFTER ALL WE'VE BEEN THROUGH,

YOU GUYS WOULD LET US SIT IN

ON ONE OF THESE.

WHILE THERE'S A BREAK IN THE

ACTION, CAN WE GET BACK TO WHAT

WE WERE DOING, PLEASE?

CALVIN, SHH-SHH.

UH-UH-UH.

BABY, LISTEN, THIS IS A

PRIVATE MATTER THAT THEY REALLY

NEED TO DISCUSS, SO LET'S JUST

LET THEM TALK ABOUT IT.

NO, NO, NO, HOLD UP --

I'M SURE THEY'LL BE DONE IN

A MINUTE.

I NEED TO DO THIS TODAY.

CALVIN, SHUSH.

YOU WANT TO GO CATCH A MOVIE?

SURE.

COME ON, LET'S GO.

HUH.

WELL, BYE, EVERYBODY.

* GOODBYE *

[ MIRANDA LAUGHS ]

* EEH *

SO, JANINE.

WHAT'S UP WITH BRYAN?

I LEFT HIM.

YOU WHAT?

I LEFT HIM SITTING RIGHT

THERE AT THAT HOUSE.

NO, YOU DIDN'T.

YES, I DID.

NO, YOU DIDN'T.

YOU SHOULD'VE SEEN ME.

UH -- NO.

I DON'T WANT TO SEE YOU NOW.

HMM.

YOU DIDN'T LEAVE HIM SITTING

THERE, BECAUSE HE'S RICH.

THINGS JUST WEREN'T WORKING

OUT.

THINGS WERE WORKING OUT

BECAUSE HE'S RICH!

I DON'T WANT TO TALK ABOUT

IT.

HE DUMPED YOU.

UNCLE CURTIS, COME ON, MAN.

YOU CAN'T JUST SAY THAT.

YOU CAN'T JUST JUMP UP AND SAY,

"HE DUMPED YOU."

HMM.

COME ON, MAN, BE SENSITIVE.

THANK YOU, C.J.

SO, HE DUMPED YOU?

[ JANINE SIGHS ]

I -- I JUST DON'T WANT TO

TALK ABOUT IT.

WELL, NOW, JANINE, YOU'RE

GOING TO HAVE TO TALK ABOUT IT

BECAUSE YOUR SUITCASE IS HERE.

STOP.

I'M TENDERFACED.

NO, YOU'RE NOT.

OH -- CAREFUL, KIKI, PLEASE.

HEY, HEY, HEY.

WHERE'D YOU ALL GO TO LUNCH?

OH, PIZZA WORLD --

MARIO'S.

OH, WHAT WAS -- SAY --

SAY THAT ONE MORE TIME.

THE -- MARIO'S --

PIZZA.

MARIO'S PIZZA WORLD.

PIZZA WORLD OF MARIO.

[ LAUGHTER ]

WHAT'S SO FUNNY?

OH, WE KNOW YOU ALL ARE

KICKING IT.

WHAT -- WAIT A MINUTE.

WHO TOLD Y'ALL THAT WE WERE

KICKING IT? EW.

THAT BIG OLD RED MARK ON YOUR

NECK.

WHAT?

YOU SAW WHAT WAS ON THE MENU.

STUPID.

[ KIKI LAUGHS ]

ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT, ALL

RIGHT.

ME AND DANA ARE DATING.

UH-UH, NO WE ARE NOT DATING.

WE JUST WENT OUT A FEW TIMES --

THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.

BUT THEM FEW TIMES WAS

GOOD.

IF I RECALL IT THIS

MORNING, YOU SAID THEY WERE "ALL

RIGHT."

GIRL, I WAS ACTING.

WOW.

OH, OH -- YOU KNOW, WE REALLY

DON'T CARE.

Y'ALL ARE GROWN -- THAT'S

YOUR BUSINESS.

MM-HMM.

WAIT A MINUTE -- SO THIS

WHOLE TIME Y'ALL KNEW AND Y'ALL

DIDN'T CARE?

PLEASE. NAH.

NAH.

[ DELANTE CHUCKLES ]

YOU HEAR THAT, MY LITTLE EGG

ROLL?

WE CAN MAKE IT DO WHAT IT DO

WHEREVER WE WANT.

OKAY, YOU NEED TO STOP

BECAUSE YOU GETTING ON MY

NERVES.

YOU KNOW, YOU ARE SO ANNOYING

SOMETIMES.

BABY, HOLD ON.

YOU -- YOU AIN'T SAID NOTHING

LAST NIGHT WHEN I WAS GIVING YOU

A MASSAGE?

UH, THAT'S BECAUSE I WAS BUSY

BITING MY LIP BECAUSE YOUR

ROUGH, ASHY, DRY, CRACKED HANDS

WAS TOUCHING ME.

HOLD ON.

I KNOW YOU NOT TALKING WITH THEM

LIZARD PAWS YOU CALL FEET.

OKAY, I KNOW YOU ARE NOT

TALKING WITH ALL THAT MORNING

BREATH.

NO -- HELL, NO.

THAT'S AFTERNOON BREATH.

HERE -- EAT THE BOX.

[ KIKI AND DANA LAUGH ]

ALL RIGHT, WELL -- WELL, AT

LEAST MY ARM PITS DON'T SMELL

LIKE ONIONS.

OOH --

MY PITS DON'T STINK.

[ Chinese accent ] MORE LIKE

SHRIMP FRIED RICE.

[ DELANTE LAUGHS ]

SO SORRY.

YOU KNOW WHAT?

YOU GET ON MY NERVES.

YOU CAN BE ANNOYING SOMETIMES --

OH, MY GOD!

WELL, YOUR STRAWBERRY

LIPSTICK GOT MOLD ON IT,

SALMONELLA POISONING.

MM-HMM, AND YOUR HEAD LOOK

LIKE CATS BEEN LICKING IT.

[ Normal voice ] WOW.

I KNEW IT.

LOVE IS IN THE AIR.

RIGHT.

YOU WERE RIGHT, THOUGH.

MM-HMM. HAND ME MY MONEY.

I'M -- I'LL HOOK YOU UP.

ALL RIGHT.

LET ME FINISH THIS UP.

AIN'T NO NEED.

THAT BOY'S BREATH DONE SINGED

ALL THE HAIR OFF THE SIDE OF MY

FACE.

I CAN'T EVEN HEAR YOU OUT THIS

EAR.

SO WOULD YOU LIKE SOMETHING

TO EAT?

MISS ELLA, I --

I WANT SOMETHING TO EAT.

CURTIS?

YOU ALWAYS WANT SOMETHING

TO EAT.

SHUT UP.

YOU KNOW WHAT?

I'M SICK OF YOU ACTING LIKE

JANINE IS THE ONLY PERSON IN

THIS HOUSE.

WHEN YOU GET IN YOUR THIRD

TRIMESTER, THEN I'LL WAIT ON

YOU.

HE PASSED THAT A LONG TIME

AGO.

HA-HA-HA.

VERY FUNNY.

JANINE, WELL, JUST -- WHAT

HAPPENED WITH YOU AND BRYAN?

OKAY.

IF YOU MUST KNOW, HE DUMPED ME.

HA! TOLD YOU!

DIDN'T I TELL YOU?

I TOLD YOU HE DUMPED HER.

HE DUMPED YOU AND YOU

PREGNANT WITH HIS CHILD?

YOU MEAN TO TELL ME

MR. ALL-STAR, ROOKIE OF THE

YEAR, KICKED OUT THE MOTHER OF

HIS CHILD?

JANINE?

DID HE SAY HE WAS GOING TO AT

LEAST PAY HIS CHILD SUPPORT?

NO, NO. HE --

NO?

HE DOESN'T WANT ANYTHING TO

DO WITH ME OR THE BABY.

OH, NO, UH-UH, UH-UH.

WE GOING TO CALL HIM RIGHT NOW.

WHAT'S HIS PHONE NUMBER?

C.J., IT'S REALLY NOT IN --

YOU REALLY SHOULDN'T DO THAT.

GIVE ME THAT PHONE NUMBER.

I'M GOING TO CALL THIS DEADBEAT.

THAT'S RIGHT, C.J., YOU CALL

HIM UP.

HE GOT TO TAKE RESPONSIBILITY

FOR THIS.

HE IS GOING TO BE A FATHER TO

HIS BABY!

C.J., IT'S NOT HIS BABY --

IT'S YOURS.

IT AIN'T -- HIS -- WHAT?

IT'S YOUR BABY.

OOH.

CAN YOU EXPLAIN THIS?

C.J., IF YOU NEED THAT

EXPLAINED TO YOU, YOUR DADDY

DID A HORRIBLE JOB WITH THE

BIRDS AND THE BEES.

YOU TAUGHT ME THE BIRDS AND

THE BEES.

BUZZ, BUZZ.

SOME WOMAN FROM MIAMI DECIDED

TO SUE BRYAN FOR CHILD SUPPORT

AND HE DECIDED TO FIGHT IT, SO

HE WENT AND HE GOT TESTED, AND

WE FIND OUT THAT HE IS STERILE.

WHOO!

MM-HMM?

NOTHING.

WAIT A MINUTE.

WELL, WAIT -- WELL, WHAT MAKES

HER THINK IT'S MINE?

C.J., YOU WERE THE ONLY OTHER

MAN I WAS WITH.

SO?

WE -- WE ONLY DID IT THAT ONE

TIME.

SO?

IT ONLY TAKE THAT ONE TIME.

OH, MY GOODNESS -- THIS IS

BETTER THAN A GOSPEL PLAY!

WHOA.

COOL!

C.J., SAY SOMETHING.

I GUESS --

WELCOME HOME.

[ CHUCKLES ]

YOU KNOW?

I'M -- I'M GLAD THAT YOU'RE

HERE, YOU KNOW?

NOT THAT!

WHAT THE HELL WRONG WITH YOU?

OH.

OH.

BABY, THAT WAS SUCH A GOOD

MOVIE.

SHE JUST WOKE UP FROM HER SLEEP

AND THE RING WAS ON HER FINGER.

OH.

LOOK, BABY, I'VE BEEN TRYING

TO FIGURE OUT A MILLION WAYS TO

DO THIS, AND EVERYTHING KEEPS

GOING WRONG, SO WILL YOU MARRY

ME AND BE MY WIFE?

[ MIRANDA LAUGHS ]

YEAH?

YES, YES, YES.

YEAH?

OH!

* YES, OF COURSE *

[ ELLA LAUGHS ]

CONGRATULATIONS, BABY!

THANK YOU.

IT'S MRS. PAYNE!

CAN YOU BELIEVE HE FINALLY

FOUND SOMEBODY CRAZY ENOUGH TO

MARRY HIM?

YEAH -- YEAH, YOU KNOW WHAT?

YEAH, I CAN BELIEVE THAT.

I CAN BELIEVE THAT.

HEY, I'LL TELL YOU THE TRUTH,

BOY.

THEY JUST EVERYWHERE, AIN'T

THEY -- CRAZY PAYNE MEN?