All language subtitles for Tyler Perrys House of Payne - S04E16 - To Have and to Hold WEBDL-1080p_track3_[eng]

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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:02,667 --> 00:00:03,833 OKAY, BABY, COME ON, NOW. 2 00:00:03,833 --> 00:00:05,200 WE NEED TO START EATING HEALTHY. 3 00:00:05,200 --> 00:00:06,267 SO WRITE THIS DOWN. 4 00:00:06,267 --> 00:00:07,033 YEAH. 5 00:00:07,033 --> 00:00:07,900 "LETTUCE." 6 00:00:07,900 --> 00:00:10,833 "HONEY BUNS." 7 00:00:10,833 --> 00:00:13,233 "ZUCCHINI." 8 00:00:13,233 --> 00:00:14,733 "TWIN CAKES." 9 00:00:17,933 --> 00:00:18,900 "DOUGHNUTS." 10 00:00:18,900 --> 00:00:22,067 I GOT THAT DOWN ALREADY. 11 00:00:22,067 --> 00:00:24,000 MA? 12 00:00:24,000 --> 00:00:25,700 HOW DOES THIS TIE LOOK ON ME? 13 00:00:25,700 --> 00:00:26,633 BABY, IT LOOKS STUPID WITHOUT 14 00:00:26,633 --> 00:00:28,467 A SHIRT. 15 00:00:28,467 --> 00:00:31,367 I KNEW I FELT KIND OF BREEZY. 16 00:00:31,367 --> 00:00:32,633 THAT BOY IS REALLY NERVOUS 17 00:00:32,633 --> 00:00:34,067 ABOUT PROPOSING TO MIRANDA. 18 00:00:34,067 --> 00:00:35,033 YES, HE IS. COME ON. 19 00:00:35,033 --> 00:00:35,800 I HAVEN'T SEEN HIM THIS 20 00:00:35,800 --> 00:00:36,500 EXCITED SINCE HE WAS 21 00:00:36,500 --> 00:00:37,300 FOUR YEARS OLD. 22 00:00:37,300 --> 00:00:38,267 [ TELEPHONE RINGING ] 23 00:00:38,267 --> 00:00:41,300 I'LL GET IT. I'LL GET IT. 24 00:00:41,300 --> 00:00:42,267 HELLO? 25 00:00:42,267 --> 00:00:43,867 BABY, LOOK. LOOK. LOOK. 26 00:00:43,867 --> 00:00:44,567 HELLO? 27 00:00:44,567 --> 00:00:47,367 BABY, THAT'S THE REMOTE. 28 00:00:47,367 --> 00:00:49,533 I KNEW THAT. I KNEW THAT. 29 00:00:49,533 --> 00:00:51,733 HELLO? HEY, HEY. 30 00:00:51,733 --> 00:00:53,067 YEAH, YEAH, I'M READY. 31 00:00:53,067 --> 00:00:54,400 OKAY, I'LL BE RIGHT OVER. 32 00:00:54,400 --> 00:00:55,767 COOL. 33 00:00:55,767 --> 00:00:56,433 WHERE YOU GOING? 34 00:00:56,433 --> 00:00:57,100 WHERE YOU GOING? 35 00:00:57,100 --> 00:00:58,033 I'M TAKING HER TO 36 00:00:58,033 --> 00:00:59,133 MONTFONT PIERRE'S. 37 00:00:59,133 --> 00:01:01,467 MONTFONT PIERRE'S -- WHOO! 38 00:01:01,467 --> 00:01:02,467 SHE MUST BE PAYING THE MONTFONT 39 00:01:02,467 --> 00:01:03,467 BILL. 40 00:01:03,467 --> 00:01:05,067 CURTIS. 41 00:01:05,067 --> 00:01:06,100 BABY, ARE YOU SURE YOU ARE 42 00:01:06,100 --> 00:01:07,600 READY? 43 00:01:07,600 --> 00:01:08,567 YEAH, I-I MADE THE 44 00:01:08,567 --> 00:01:09,500 RESERVATIONS. 45 00:01:09,500 --> 00:01:10,633 I GOT MY RING. 46 00:01:10,633 --> 00:01:11,800 YEAH, I'M READY. 47 00:01:11,800 --> 00:01:13,067 OH, CURTIS, NO, NO, NO, NO, 48 00:01:13,067 --> 00:01:14,067 BABY. 49 00:01:14,067 --> 00:01:16,667 I MEAN -- CALVIN, SIT DOWN. 50 00:01:16,667 --> 00:01:19,533 FIX THAT. 51 00:01:19,533 --> 00:01:20,667 BABY, I MEAN, ARE YOU REALLY 52 00:01:20,667 --> 00:01:23,200 READY FOR MARRIAGE? 53 00:01:23,200 --> 00:01:24,600 CALVIN, YOU LIVE HERE WITH US. 54 00:01:24,600 --> 00:01:25,533 I COOK YOUR MEALS. 55 00:01:25,533 --> 00:01:26,233 I WASH YOUR CLOTHES. 56 00:01:26,233 --> 00:01:28,267 I TUCK YOU IN AT NIGHT. 57 00:01:28,267 --> 00:01:29,100 WHAT THE MONTFONT DID YOU 58 00:01:29,100 --> 00:01:31,667 SAY? 59 00:01:31,667 --> 00:01:32,967 YOU TUCK HIM IN? 60 00:01:32,967 --> 00:01:33,667 EVERY NIGHT. 61 00:01:33,667 --> 00:01:35,067 THAT'S GOING TO STOP NOW! 62 00:01:35,067 --> 00:01:36,167 CURTIS. 63 00:01:36,167 --> 00:01:37,133 LOOK, MOM, I KNOW YOU'RE 64 00:01:37,133 --> 00:01:39,333 WORRIED, BUT I'M SERIOUS ABOUT 65 00:01:39,333 --> 00:01:41,267 THIS. 66 00:01:41,267 --> 00:01:42,467 MIRANDA'S THE ONE. 67 00:01:42,467 --> 00:01:43,367 SHE'S THE ONE THAT'S GOING TO 68 00:01:43,367 --> 00:01:44,567 GET YOU THE HELL OUT MY HOUSE. 69 00:01:44,567 --> 00:01:47,267 SO YOU LEAVE HIM ALONE. 70 00:01:47,267 --> 00:01:48,800 FINE, CURTIS. 71 00:01:48,800 --> 00:01:49,900 I STILL DON'T THINK HE'S READY, 72 00:01:49,900 --> 00:01:50,967 BUT FINE. 73 00:01:50,967 --> 00:01:51,700 HEY, HOW YOU GOING TO 74 00:01:51,700 --> 00:01:52,367 PROPOSE? 75 00:01:52,367 --> 00:01:53,800 WELL, HOW DO YOU PROPOSE I 76 00:01:53,800 --> 00:01:54,600 PROPOSE? 77 00:01:54,600 --> 00:01:55,600 FOR STARTERS, DO NOT SAY 78 00:01:55,600 --> 00:01:57,800 THAT. 79 00:01:57,800 --> 00:01:58,867 YOU GOT TO DO SOMETHING SPECIAL. 80 00:01:58,867 --> 00:02:00,533 YOU GOT TO DO SOMETHING SPECIAL. 81 00:02:00,533 --> 00:02:02,167 OKAY? THIS IS YOUR PROPOSAL. 82 00:02:02,167 --> 00:02:03,333 THIS IS ONLY GOING TO HAPPEN 83 00:02:03,333 --> 00:02:06,933 TWO, THREE TIMES IN YOUR LIFE. 84 00:02:06,933 --> 00:02:07,933 NOW, YOUR MAMA -- MY PROPOSAL 85 00:02:07,933 --> 00:02:09,267 TO HER WAS REAL SPECIAL. 86 00:02:09,267 --> 00:02:10,067 WHAT'D YOU DO? 87 00:02:10,067 --> 00:02:11,067 WELL, YOU KNOW YOUR MAMA 88 00:02:11,067 --> 00:02:12,100 LIKES CARAMEL CORN. 89 00:02:12,100 --> 00:02:13,500 SO I GOT HER TWO BIG TINS, AND I 90 00:02:13,500 --> 00:02:15,300 TOOK THE PRIZE OUT, AND PUT THE 91 00:02:15,300 --> 00:02:16,400 RING WHERE THE PRIZE WAS 92 00:02:16,400 --> 00:02:17,600 SUPPOSED TO BE. 93 00:02:17,600 --> 00:02:18,933 SO, BY THE TIME SHE GOT THROUGH 94 00:02:18,933 --> 00:02:20,167 EATING THE POPCORN... 95 00:02:20,167 --> 00:02:21,433 AY-YI-YI! 96 00:02:21,433 --> 00:02:22,233 ...WHICH TOOK HER ALL OF 97 00:02:22,233 --> 00:02:25,433 ABOUT 30 SECONDS... 98 00:02:25,433 --> 00:02:28,633 VOILà! JUST THE ENGAGEMENT RING. 99 00:02:28,633 --> 00:02:29,833 SO WERE YOU SURPRISED? 100 00:02:29,833 --> 00:02:31,367 YES, I WAS SURPRISED. 101 00:02:31,367 --> 00:02:32,700 I SPENT THREE DAYS IN THE 102 00:02:32,700 --> 00:02:33,900 HOSPITAL BECAUSE I SWALLOWED 103 00:02:33,900 --> 00:02:35,467 THAT RING. 104 00:02:35,467 --> 00:02:36,533 YEAH, BUT SHE PASSED IT IN, 105 00:02:36,533 --> 00:02:37,300 LIKE, TWO DAYS. 106 00:02:37,300 --> 00:02:38,267 CURTIS. 107 00:02:38,267 --> 00:02:39,300 SO WE GOT THE RING. 108 00:02:39,300 --> 00:02:41,067 AND LOOK, AND IT'S STILL GOOD. 109 00:02:50,067 --> 00:02:52,433 UM, CALVIN, DID YOU LOOK AT 110 00:02:52,433 --> 00:02:56,633 THE PRICES ON THIS MENU? 111 00:02:56,633 --> 00:02:57,867 YEAH, IT'S FINE. 112 00:02:57,867 --> 00:02:58,733 ORDER WHATEVER YOU WANT. 113 00:02:58,733 --> 00:03:01,400 TONIGHT'S SPECIAL. 114 00:03:01,400 --> 00:03:02,233 ARE YOU READY TO ORDER, OR 115 00:03:02,233 --> 00:03:03,367 SHALL I BRING YOU THE MENU WITH 116 00:03:03,367 --> 00:03:05,933 THE PICTURES? 117 00:03:05,933 --> 00:03:06,800 HOW ABOUT YOU PICTURING ME 118 00:03:06,800 --> 00:03:08,233 NOT GIVING YOU A TIP? 119 00:03:08,233 --> 00:03:09,100 OH, I PICTURED THAT WHEN YOU 120 00:03:09,100 --> 00:03:11,467 WALKED IN THE DOOR. 121 00:03:11,467 --> 00:03:12,233 OKAY, WELL, I'M READY TO 122 00:03:12,233 --> 00:03:13,100 ORDER. 123 00:03:13,100 --> 00:03:14,100 AH, PROCEED. 124 00:03:14,100 --> 00:03:15,400 I WOULD LIKE TO HAVE, FOR 125 00:03:15,400 --> 00:03:18,133 THE APPETIZER, THE CAVIAR TART. 126 00:03:18,133 --> 00:03:19,267 VERY GOOD. 127 00:03:19,267 --> 00:03:20,633 AND THEN, UM, FOR MY MAIN 128 00:03:20,633 --> 00:03:22,067 COURSE, CAN I PLEASE HAVE THE 129 00:03:22,067 --> 00:03:23,833 LOBSTER STUFFED WITH LUMP CRAB? 130 00:03:24,900 --> 00:03:26,733 AND FOR YOU, SIR? 131 00:03:26,733 --> 00:03:28,267 UH, YEAH, WELL, SINCE SHE'S 132 00:03:28,267 --> 00:03:30,900 ORDERING ALL THAT, I THINK I'LL 133 00:03:30,900 --> 00:03:36,367 HAVE THE GLASS OF WATER AND... 134 00:03:36,367 --> 00:03:37,167 DO YOU GUYS HAVE CHICKEN 135 00:03:37,167 --> 00:03:40,100 FINGERS? 136 00:03:40,100 --> 00:03:41,500 UH, NO, BUT I CAN GET YOU A 137 00:03:41,500 --> 00:03:42,533 COLORING BOOK AND SOME CRAYONS 138 00:03:42,533 --> 00:03:43,867 IF YOU'D LIKE. 139 00:03:43,867 --> 00:03:45,433 VERY FUNNY. 140 00:03:45,433 --> 00:03:46,200 LET ME HOLLER AT YOU FOR A 141 00:03:46,200 --> 00:03:46,867 SECOND. 142 00:03:46,867 --> 00:03:47,800 I GOT THIS, BABY. 143 00:03:47,800 --> 00:03:48,733 OKAY. 144 00:03:48,733 --> 00:03:50,233 UH, UH, TOUCHING, TOUCHING. 145 00:03:50,233 --> 00:03:51,767 LOOK, CAN YOU BRING THIS RING 146 00:03:51,767 --> 00:03:52,767 OUT ON A PLATTER WHEN YOU BRING 147 00:03:52,767 --> 00:03:54,400 HER MEAL? 148 00:03:54,400 --> 00:03:57,567 OH. HOW QUAINT. 149 00:03:57,567 --> 00:04:00,467 A CARAMEL-POPCORN PRIZE. 150 00:04:00,467 --> 00:04:02,867 IT'S AN ENGAGEMENT RING. 151 00:04:02,867 --> 00:04:03,933 OH. 152 00:04:03,933 --> 00:04:05,900 IS THE DIAMOND ON LAYAWAY? 153 00:04:05,900 --> 00:04:06,867 NO, THE DIAMOND ISN'T ON 154 00:04:06,867 --> 00:04:07,533 LAYAWAY. 155 00:04:07,533 --> 00:04:09,567 IT'S RIGHT THERE. 156 00:04:09,567 --> 00:04:11,567 OH, THERE IT IS! 157 00:04:11,567 --> 00:04:12,833 IT WAS HIDING -- PROBABLY 158 00:04:12,833 --> 00:04:14,667 EMBARRASSED. 159 00:04:14,667 --> 00:04:15,733 HA HA HA, VERY FUNNY. 160 00:04:15,733 --> 00:04:16,600 AND BRING US A BOTTLE OF 161 00:04:16,600 --> 00:04:17,733 CHAMPAGNE WHILE YOU'RE AT IT. 162 00:04:17,733 --> 00:04:18,600 ARE YOU SURE YOU WOULDN'T 163 00:04:18,600 --> 00:04:19,767 PREFER SPARKLING WATER? 164 00:04:19,767 --> 00:04:20,700 OH, ARE YOU SURE YOU WOULDN'T 165 00:04:20,700 --> 00:04:22,833 PREFER ME TO WHOOP YOUR ASS? 166 00:04:22,833 --> 00:04:24,067 OH, DIDN'T THINK SO. 167 00:04:27,567 --> 00:04:29,700 UM, WHAT WAS THAT ABOUT? 168 00:04:29,700 --> 00:04:30,567 OH, I HAD TO TELL HIM TO CALM 169 00:04:30,567 --> 00:04:31,900 DOWN WITH ALL THE SARCASM AND TO 170 00:04:31,900 --> 00:04:33,067 BRING US A BOTTLE OF CHAMPAGNE 171 00:04:33,067 --> 00:04:34,367 BEFORE WE TAKE OUR BUSINESS 172 00:04:34,367 --> 00:04:35,967 ELSEWHERE! 173 00:04:35,967 --> 00:04:37,167 MIRANDA? 174 00:04:37,167 --> 00:04:39,167 DARLING, I THOUGHT THAT WAS YOU. 175 00:04:39,167 --> 00:04:40,500 IT'S BEEN AGES. 176 00:04:40,500 --> 00:04:42,300 MUAH. MUAH. 177 00:04:42,300 --> 00:04:44,533 OH, ALEXIS, UM, I SEE YOU'VE 178 00:04:44,533 --> 00:04:45,600 GOTTEN MARRIED. 179 00:04:45,600 --> 00:04:47,167 OOH, GIRL, THAT DIAMOND IS 180 00:04:47,167 --> 00:04:48,400 GORGEOUS. 181 00:04:48,400 --> 00:04:49,533 THANK YOU. 182 00:04:49,533 --> 00:04:50,867 IT'S JUST A MERE 5-CARAT PINK 183 00:04:50,867 --> 00:04:54,400 BLOOD DIAMOND. 184 00:04:54,400 --> 00:04:55,700 STEPHAN AND I FINALLY GOT 185 00:04:55,700 --> 00:04:56,800 MARRIED AFTER HE WON HIS LAST 186 00:04:56,800 --> 00:04:58,767 ELECTION. 187 00:04:58,767 --> 00:05:00,400 OOH! 188 00:05:00,400 --> 00:05:01,833 AND I'M SHAKING THE HANDS OF A 189 00:05:01,833 --> 00:05:05,233 SURGEON. 190 00:05:05,233 --> 00:05:07,067 YOU MUST BE RAYMOND. 191 00:05:07,067 --> 00:05:08,367 I'VE HEARD SO MUCH ABOUT YOU TWO 192 00:05:08,367 --> 00:05:10,533 JET-SETTING ACROSS THE WORLD. 193 00:05:10,533 --> 00:05:13,067 I'M SURPRISED YOU FIND TIME. 194 00:05:13,067 --> 00:05:14,333 UM, NO, ALEXIS, THIS -- THIS 195 00:05:14,333 --> 00:05:16,167 ISN'T RAYMOND. 196 00:05:16,167 --> 00:05:17,833 OH, GOOD. 197 00:05:17,833 --> 00:05:19,200 HE WAS TOO POMPOUS ANYWAY, AND I 198 00:05:19,200 --> 00:05:23,633 HATE PEOPLE LIKE THAT. 199 00:05:23,633 --> 00:05:25,233 AND IF I HEARD ONE MORE STORY 200 00:05:25,233 --> 00:05:26,367 ABOUT HIM BARBECUING WITH 201 00:05:26,367 --> 00:05:27,867 BILL GATES, I WOULD'VE DEF-- 202 00:05:27,867 --> 00:05:30,067 ALEXIS, THIS -- THIS IS MY 203 00:05:30,067 --> 00:05:31,933 CALVIN. 204 00:05:31,933 --> 00:05:34,067 OH! 205 00:05:34,067 --> 00:05:36,133 WELL, YOU KNOW, CALVIN, EVERY 206 00:05:36,133 --> 00:05:38,467 MAN THAT MIRANDA'S DATED HAS HAD 207 00:05:38,467 --> 00:05:40,467 THESE AMAZING CAREERS. 208 00:05:40,467 --> 00:05:42,767 SO, WHAT IS IT THAT YOU DO? 209 00:05:42,767 --> 00:05:44,467 WELL, I'M CO-OWNER OF 210 00:05:44,467 --> 00:05:45,800 IN THE CUT. 211 00:05:45,800 --> 00:05:47,067 OH, IS THAT THE BROKERAGE 212 00:05:47,067 --> 00:05:48,367 FIRM THAT'S CUTTING ALLOCATIONS 213 00:05:48,367 --> 00:05:52,067 ON HEDGE FUNDS? 214 00:05:52,067 --> 00:05:54,433 NO, IT'S A BARBERSHOP. 215 00:05:58,733 --> 00:06:02,767 A barbershop? 216 00:06:02,767 --> 00:06:04,833 WELL, MIRANDA, I NEED TO GO. 217 00:06:04,833 --> 00:06:06,067 STEPHAN IS PROBABLY WAITING FOR 218 00:06:06,067 --> 00:06:07,333 ME. 219 00:06:07,333 --> 00:06:08,667 DO YOU KNOW HE JUST BOUGHT 220 00:06:08,667 --> 00:06:11,067 HIMSELF A ROLLS? 221 00:06:11,067 --> 00:06:12,533 THAT'S "ROLLS-ROYCE." 222 00:06:12,533 --> 00:06:13,467 IT'S A CAR. 223 00:06:13,467 --> 00:06:15,133 [ Snooty voice ] YES, I KNOW. 224 00:06:15,133 --> 00:06:16,800 IT'S ADORABLE. 225 00:06:16,800 --> 00:06:18,067 WELL, MAYBE WE CAN DO LUNCH 226 00:06:18,067 --> 00:06:19,167 SOMETIME. 227 00:06:19,167 --> 00:06:19,900 YEAH. 228 00:06:19,900 --> 00:06:21,067 TOODLES. 229 00:06:21,067 --> 00:06:23,500 [ CHUCKLES ] 230 00:06:23,500 --> 00:06:25,100 OH, BOY. 231 00:06:25,100 --> 00:06:25,933 [ Normal voice ] I THOUGHT 232 00:06:25,933 --> 00:06:26,833 YOU NEVER MARRIED 'CAUSE YOU 233 00:06:26,833 --> 00:06:27,867 COULDN'T FIND THE RIGHT GUY. 234 00:06:27,867 --> 00:06:29,567 THAT'S RIGHT. I COULDN'T. 235 00:06:29,567 --> 00:06:30,933 WELL, IF THE GOOD DR. RAYMOND 236 00:06:30,933 --> 00:06:31,933 WASN'T GOOD ENOUGH, HOW CAN I 237 00:06:31,933 --> 00:06:33,300 MEASURE UP? 238 00:06:33,300 --> 00:06:34,967 BABY, WHAT DO YOU MEAN? 239 00:06:34,967 --> 00:06:36,467 I MEAN I'M NOT GOOD ENOUGH 240 00:06:36,467 --> 00:06:37,867 FOR YOU. 241 00:06:37,867 --> 00:06:39,667 I MEAN, YOU DRIVE A LEXUS. 242 00:06:39,667 --> 00:06:41,333 I DRIVE A LEMON. 243 00:06:41,333 --> 00:06:42,233 YOU OWN A CONDO. 244 00:06:42,233 --> 00:06:43,467 I STILL LIVE WITH MY PARENTS. 245 00:06:43,467 --> 00:06:44,633 YOU'RE AN ENTREPRENEUR. 246 00:06:44,633 --> 00:06:46,067 I-I'M CO-OWNER OF A BARBERSHOP 247 00:06:46,067 --> 00:06:48,567 BECAUSE YOU LOANED ME THE MONEY. 248 00:06:48,567 --> 00:06:49,700 CALVIN -- 249 00:06:49,700 --> 00:06:51,100 IT'S -- NO, NO, IT'S OBVIOUS 250 00:06:51,100 --> 00:06:52,667 I'VE BEEN DREAMING THAT SOMEONE 251 00:06:52,667 --> 00:06:53,633 LIKE YOU WOULD WANT TO BE WITH 252 00:06:53,633 --> 00:06:54,567 SOMEONE LIKE ME. 253 00:06:54,567 --> 00:06:55,500 CALVIN, WHAT ARE YOU TALKING 254 00:06:55,500 --> 00:06:56,400 ABOUT? 255 00:06:56,400 --> 00:06:57,267 I THINK IT'S CLEAR THAT I'M 256 00:06:57,267 --> 00:06:58,433 NOT GOOD ENOUGH TO BE WITH YOU, 257 00:06:58,433 --> 00:07:00,800 MIRANDA. 258 00:07:00,800 --> 00:07:02,133 HERE. 259 00:07:04,300 --> 00:07:05,300 THIS WILL COVER THE BILL -- IF 260 00:07:05,300 --> 00:07:09,067 NOT, I'M SURE YOU CAN HANDLE IT. 261 00:07:09,067 --> 00:07:10,600 AND GIVE ME MY RING BACK. 262 00:07:10,600 --> 00:07:11,267 GLADLY. 263 00:07:11,267 --> 00:07:12,167 OUR ONION RINGS COST MORE THAN 264 00:07:12,167 --> 00:07:13,567 THAT. 265 00:07:13,567 --> 00:07:15,300 WHOA, W-WAIT, CALVIN! 266 00:07:15,300 --> 00:07:17,400 CAL-- OHH. 267 00:07:17,400 --> 00:07:18,167 I TAKE IT YOU WON'T BE 268 00:07:18,167 --> 00:07:20,100 NEEDING THE CHAMPAGNE? 269 00:07:28,367 --> 00:07:29,767 OKAY, CALVIN, I DON'T MEAN TO 270 00:07:29,767 --> 00:07:31,100 PRY, BUT YOU HAVE BEEN MOPING 271 00:07:31,100 --> 00:07:33,333 AROUND HERE ALL DAY. 272 00:07:33,333 --> 00:07:34,733 WHAT WENT WRONG WITH THAT 273 00:07:34,733 --> 00:07:36,433 PROPOSAL? 274 00:07:36,433 --> 00:07:38,300 I CHANGED MY MIND. 275 00:07:38,300 --> 00:07:39,367 ABOUT DOING THE PROPOSAL? 276 00:07:39,367 --> 00:07:40,767 WHY? 277 00:07:40,767 --> 00:07:42,100 LET'S JUST SAY MIRANDA'S OUT 278 00:07:42,100 --> 00:07:43,100 OF MY LEAGUE. 279 00:07:43,100 --> 00:07:43,933 CALVIN, HOW CAN YOU COME UP 280 00:07:43,933 --> 00:07:45,067 WITH ALL OF THIS? 281 00:07:45,067 --> 00:07:46,400 MIRANDA HAS EVERYTHING. 282 00:07:46,400 --> 00:07:47,300 WHA-- WHAT CAN I POSSIBLY 283 00:07:47,300 --> 00:07:48,133 BRING TO THE TABLE? 284 00:07:48,133 --> 00:07:50,233 I DON'T EVEN HAVE A TABLE. 285 00:07:50,233 --> 00:07:51,167 OKAY, CALVIN, WHY DON'T YOU 286 00:07:51,167 --> 00:07:52,867 JUST GIVE HER HONESTY AND GIVE 287 00:07:52,867 --> 00:07:54,833 HER COMMITMENT AND, MOST 288 00:07:54,833 --> 00:07:56,067 IMPORTANTLY, GIVE HER 289 00:07:56,067 --> 00:07:58,067 UNCONDITIONAL LOVE, BABY? 290 00:07:58,067 --> 00:07:59,133 OKAY, THAT MAY SOUND GOOD ON 291 00:07:59,133 --> 00:08:02,200 AN R&B C.D... 292 00:08:02,200 --> 00:08:05,067 BUT THIS IS REAL, MA. 293 00:08:05,067 --> 00:08:06,100 CALVIN, IS MIRANDA 294 00:08:06,100 --> 00:08:08,500 COMPLAINING ABOUT YOU NOT BUYING 295 00:08:08,500 --> 00:08:10,233 HER THINGS? 296 00:08:10,233 --> 00:08:11,067 NO. 297 00:08:11,067 --> 00:08:11,833 OKAY, THEN WHAT ARE YOU 298 00:08:11,833 --> 00:08:13,267 DOING? 299 00:08:13,267 --> 00:08:15,100 YOU KNOW THAT ALL THE MONEY IN 300 00:08:15,100 --> 00:08:16,433 THE WORLD CANNOT BUY LOVE. 301 00:08:16,433 --> 00:08:18,567 MAYBE MIRANDA JUST LOVES YOU FOR 302 00:08:18,567 --> 00:08:20,167 WHO YOU ARE AND NOT FOR WHAT YOU 303 00:08:20,167 --> 00:08:21,733 HAVE BECAUSE, BABY, YOU DON'T 304 00:08:21,733 --> 00:08:24,867 HAVE NOTHING. 305 00:08:24,867 --> 00:08:26,300 OKAY, EXACTLY. 306 00:08:26,300 --> 00:08:27,700 SHE DESERVES BETTER. 307 00:08:27,700 --> 00:08:28,733 AND WHEN YOU GET BETTER, 308 00:08:28,733 --> 00:08:31,233 YOU'LL GIVE HER BETTER. 309 00:08:31,233 --> 00:08:32,133 BUT RIGHT NOW, JUST GIVE HER 310 00:08:32,133 --> 00:08:35,300 YOU, YOUR ESSENCE, HMM? 311 00:08:35,300 --> 00:08:38,600 THANKS, MA. 312 00:08:38,600 --> 00:08:40,867 AW, BUT... 313 00:08:40,867 --> 00:08:42,367 AW, BUT WHAT? WHAT? WHAT? 314 00:08:42,367 --> 00:08:44,867 WHAT? WHAT'S WRONG NOW? 315 00:08:44,867 --> 00:08:46,067 I JUST FEEL STUPID AFTER THE 316 00:08:46,067 --> 00:08:46,767 WAY I TREATED HER IN THE 317 00:08:46,767 --> 00:08:47,567 RESTAURANT. 318 00:08:47,567 --> 00:08:48,267 SHE'LL PROBABLY NEVER 319 00:08:48,267 --> 00:08:49,100 FORGIVE ME. 320 00:08:49,100 --> 00:08:52,600 OKAY, CALVIN -- UGH! 321 00:08:52,600 --> 00:08:54,133 BABY, JUST TAKE YOUR TIME, YOU 322 00:08:54,133 --> 00:08:55,300 KNOW? 323 00:08:55,300 --> 00:08:57,933 WRITE HER A NICE LETTER. 324 00:08:57,933 --> 00:08:59,733 OOH, BABY, IF YOU SPEAK YOUR 325 00:08:59,733 --> 00:09:02,633 HEART, SHE WILL FORGIVE YOU. 326 00:09:02,633 --> 00:09:03,700 YEAH. 327 00:09:03,700 --> 00:09:04,700 WELL, I DON'T KNOW HOW I GOT SO 328 00:09:04,700 --> 00:09:06,333 LUCKY TO HAVE A MOM THAT KNOWS 329 00:09:06,333 --> 00:09:07,333 SO MUCH ABOUT LOVE. 330 00:09:07,333 --> 00:09:08,267 MUAH. 331 00:09:08,267 --> 00:09:08,967 THANK YOU. 332 00:09:08,967 --> 00:09:09,767 I LEARNED EVERYTHING FROM 333 00:09:09,767 --> 00:09:10,733 YOUR FATHER. 334 00:09:10,733 --> 00:09:13,533 WAIT. SAY WHAT? 335 00:09:13,533 --> 00:09:14,367 WELL, YOU KNOW YOUR DADDY'S 336 00:09:14,367 --> 00:09:15,900 CHEAP. 337 00:09:15,900 --> 00:09:16,767 AND WHEN YOU'RE BROKE, YOU GET 338 00:09:16,767 --> 00:09:18,200 CREATIVE, SO... 339 00:09:21,467 --> 00:09:23,133 [ DOORBELL RINGS ] 340 00:09:25,900 --> 00:09:26,967 WE NEED TO TALK. 341 00:09:26,967 --> 00:09:27,933 YEAH. 342 00:09:27,933 --> 00:09:29,067 HEY, HEY. 343 00:09:29,067 --> 00:09:31,933 HEY, COME ON, MAN. 344 00:09:31,933 --> 00:09:34,067 WHAT ARE YOU TWO DOING HERE? 345 00:09:34,067 --> 00:09:34,933 WE'RE HERE TO SAVE YOU FROM 346 00:09:34,933 --> 00:09:36,367 YOURSELF, CALVIN. 347 00:09:36,367 --> 00:09:37,300 YEAH, WE HEARD. 348 00:09:37,300 --> 00:09:38,233 YOUR MAMA CALLED, AND SHE SAID 349 00:09:38,233 --> 00:09:39,233 YOU'RE OVER HERE ACTING LIKE A 350 00:09:39,233 --> 00:09:40,633 LITTLE WHIPPED PUNK. 351 00:09:40,633 --> 00:09:41,733 MY MOM DID NOT SAY THAT. 352 00:09:45,933 --> 00:09:46,667 YOU'RE RIGHT. 353 00:09:46,667 --> 00:09:47,633 SHE DIDN'T SAY THAT, CALVIN. 354 00:09:47,633 --> 00:09:48,800 IT WAS WORSE THAN THAT. 355 00:09:48,800 --> 00:09:49,833 WE CAN'T REPEAT IT. 356 00:09:49,833 --> 00:09:50,733 MAN, WHAT'S THIS I HEAR ABOUT 357 00:09:50,733 --> 00:09:52,800 YOU PROPOSING TO MIRANDA? 358 00:09:52,800 --> 00:09:53,967 HAVE YOU LOST YOUR MIND? 359 00:09:53,967 --> 00:09:55,833 I REALLY LOVE M-- 360 00:09:55,833 --> 00:09:58,533 I REALLY LOVE MIRANDA. 361 00:09:58,533 --> 00:09:59,800 I KNOW HE DID NOT JUST USE 362 00:09:59,800 --> 00:10:01,533 THE "L" WORD. 363 00:10:01,533 --> 00:10:02,400 [ Crying ] IT'S WORSE THAN WE 364 00:10:02,400 --> 00:10:04,133 THOUGHT! 365 00:10:04,133 --> 00:10:04,967 AS LONG AS HE DON'T SAY IT TO 366 00:10:04,967 --> 00:10:05,900 HER, THOUGH, OKAY? 367 00:10:05,900 --> 00:10:06,867 AS LONG AS HE HASN'T SAID IT 368 00:10:06,867 --> 00:10:10,100 TO HER. 369 00:10:10,100 --> 00:10:12,133 AW, DANG! HE SAID TO HER! 370 00:10:12,133 --> 00:10:13,133 AW! 371 00:10:19,233 --> 00:10:21,400 MY DUDE, DO YOU REALIZE THAT 372 00:10:21,400 --> 00:10:22,933 THE DIVORCE RATE FOR FIRST-TIME 373 00:10:22,933 --> 00:10:24,267 MARRIAGES IN THIS COUNTRY IS 374 00:10:24,267 --> 00:10:26,233 50%? 375 00:10:26,233 --> 00:10:27,767 HOW DO YOU KNOW THAT? 376 00:10:27,767 --> 00:10:28,867 MY BOY R.C. TOLD ME THAT. 377 00:10:28,867 --> 00:10:31,267 HE'S AN EXPERT ON DIVORCES. 378 00:10:31,267 --> 00:10:32,333 WELL, LOOK, I'M NOT R.C. 379 00:10:32,333 --> 00:10:34,200 AND ME AND MIRANDA AREN'T 380 00:10:34,200 --> 00:10:36,667 GETTING DIVORCED. 381 00:10:36,667 --> 00:10:38,333 THEN WHAT YOU DOING OVER HERE 382 00:10:38,333 --> 00:10:39,567 WRITING APOLOGY LETTERS FOR, 383 00:10:39,567 --> 00:10:40,533 CAL, AND YOU AIN'T EVEN MARRIED 384 00:10:40,533 --> 00:10:42,100 YET? 385 00:10:46,200 --> 00:10:47,900 YEAH, FOR REAL. YOU WHIPPED. 386 00:10:47,900 --> 00:10:48,667 YOU MIGHT AS WELL PUT YOUR 387 00:10:48,667 --> 00:10:49,733 LITTLE ALIMONY CHECK IN THERE 388 00:10:49,733 --> 00:10:53,133 WITH THAT LITTLE LETTER. 389 00:10:53,133 --> 00:10:54,500 LOOK, MIRANDA MAKES MORE THAN 390 00:10:54,500 --> 00:10:55,367 ME, SO I WOULD BE GETTING THE 391 00:10:55,367 --> 00:10:57,133 ALIMONY. 392 00:10:57,133 --> 00:11:00,500 FOR REAL? 393 00:11:00,500 --> 00:11:02,267 YO, CAL, THIS IS A GOOD HUSTLE. 394 00:11:02,267 --> 00:11:03,067 THIS IS A GOOD HUSTLE RIGHT 395 00:11:03,067 --> 00:11:03,767 HERE, BABY. 396 00:11:03,767 --> 00:11:04,833 I SEE IT, ALL RIGHT? 397 00:11:04,833 --> 00:11:06,433 SO, LOOK -- YOU'RE GOING TO 398 00:11:06,433 --> 00:11:07,867 MARRY MIRANDA, YOU'RE GOING TO 399 00:11:07,867 --> 00:11:08,833 DO YOUR THING, YOU'RE GOING TO 400 00:11:08,833 --> 00:11:09,967 GET A DIVORCE. 401 00:11:09,967 --> 00:11:10,733 SHORTY, I'M GOING TO MARRY 402 00:11:10,733 --> 00:11:13,933 MIRANDA...I'M GOING TO DO MY 403 00:11:13,933 --> 00:11:15,367 THING, THEN I'M GOING TO GET A 404 00:11:15,367 --> 00:11:16,300 DIVORCE. 405 00:11:16,300 --> 00:11:17,100 THEN PEANUT'S GOING TO MARRY 406 00:11:17,100 --> 00:11:18,067 MIRANDA -- 407 00:11:18,067 --> 00:11:18,833 NO, NO, NO, NO, NO. 408 00:11:18,833 --> 00:11:19,733 WOULD YOU STOP IT? 409 00:11:19,733 --> 00:11:21,667 WE'RE NOT GETTING A DIVORCE. 410 00:11:21,667 --> 00:11:22,633 WELL, COME ON, CAL, CAN WE AT 411 00:11:22,633 --> 00:11:23,933 LEAST GO OUT AND HAVE A DRINK? 412 00:11:23,933 --> 00:11:24,700 WE WANT TO CELEBRATE YOUR 413 00:11:24,700 --> 00:11:28,900 DIVORCE, DOG! 414 00:11:28,900 --> 00:11:30,933 I'M NOT DIVORCED. 415 00:11:30,933 --> 00:11:31,833 WELL, LOOK, YOU AIN'T GOT TO 416 00:11:31,833 --> 00:11:32,867 BE DIVORCED -- "SEPARATED," 417 00:11:32,867 --> 00:11:35,333 WHATEVER YOU WANT TO CALL IT. 418 00:11:38,333 --> 00:11:40,133 CAN WE GO OUT AND DRINK, THOUGH? 419 00:11:43,733 --> 00:11:45,433 Y'ALL GOING TO LET ME GET UP? 420 00:11:45,433 --> 00:11:46,267 YEAH, YOU GOING TO BUY THE 421 00:11:46,267 --> 00:11:48,700 DRINKS? 422 00:11:48,700 --> 00:11:50,600 LET'S GO, THEN. WE OUT. 423 00:11:55,133 --> 00:11:56,367 MM-HMM. 424 00:11:57,900 --> 00:11:59,800 MM-HMM. 425 00:11:59,800 --> 00:12:00,967 LOOK, HEY, I READ THIS 426 00:12:00,967 --> 00:12:02,367 ARTICLE. 427 00:12:02,367 --> 00:12:04,967 IT SAID THAT 42.3% OF ALL BLACK 428 00:12:04,967 --> 00:12:07,800 WOMEN NEVER EVEN BEEN MARRIED. 429 00:12:07,800 --> 00:12:08,867 FIRST OF ALL, I DIDN'T EVEN 430 00:12:08,867 --> 00:12:11,067 KNOW YOU KNEW HOW TO READ. 431 00:12:11,067 --> 00:12:13,133 AND SECOND, WHO WROTE THAT? 432 00:12:13,133 --> 00:12:14,067 ALL RIGHT, LOOK, FIRST OF 433 00:12:14,067 --> 00:12:16,800 ALL, I READ ARTICLES, AS LONG AS 434 00:12:16,800 --> 00:12:19,267 THEY GOT PICTURES. 435 00:12:19,267 --> 00:12:22,167 AND MY BOY R.B. TOLD ME THAT. 436 00:12:22,167 --> 00:12:23,133 R.B.? WAIT A MINUTE. 437 00:12:23,133 --> 00:12:24,067 DIDN'T HIM AND R.C. MOVE IN 438 00:12:24,067 --> 00:12:26,600 TOGETHER? 439 00:12:26,600 --> 00:12:27,433 LOOK, WHATEVER. 440 00:12:27,433 --> 00:12:28,367 ALL I'M SAYING IS IF MIRANDA 441 00:12:28,367 --> 00:12:29,400 DOESN'T WANT TO BE A PART OF 442 00:12:29,400 --> 00:12:30,333 THOSE STATISTICS, SHE BETTER GET 443 00:12:30,333 --> 00:12:31,533 WITH THE PROGRAM AND MARRY ME. 444 00:12:31,533 --> 00:12:32,967 [ LAUGHS ] 445 00:12:32,967 --> 00:12:34,267 HOLD ON, HOLD ON, CAL. 446 00:12:34,267 --> 00:12:35,900 JUST -- ARE YOU SURE THAT 447 00:12:35,900 --> 00:12:37,333 MIRANDA WANTS TO MARRY YOU? 448 00:12:37,333 --> 00:12:38,667 'CAUSE I WOULDN'T MARRY YOU. 449 00:12:38,667 --> 00:12:39,600 I'M AS SURE AS I KNOW 450 00:12:39,600 --> 00:12:41,267 FOUR QUARTERS MAKE A DOLLAR. 451 00:12:44,367 --> 00:12:47,300 UH...HEY, CAL, I BET YOU THAT 452 00:12:47,300 --> 00:12:48,400 DOLLAR THAT SHE AIN'T FEELING 453 00:12:48,400 --> 00:12:51,833 YOU LIKE THAT... 454 00:12:51,833 --> 00:12:53,200 'CAUSE SHE OVER THERE FEELING 455 00:12:53,200 --> 00:12:54,300 THE BROTHER WITH THE EXTENSIONS 456 00:12:54,300 --> 00:12:55,533 AND THE NICE SUIT, WHICH YOU 457 00:12:55,533 --> 00:12:56,600 AIN'T GOT NOTHING LIKE. 458 00:13:02,433 --> 00:13:03,433 MAN, I CAN'T BELIEVE THIS. 459 00:13:03,433 --> 00:13:05,067 SHE DIDN'T WASTE ANY TIME. 460 00:13:05,067 --> 00:13:06,700 LOOK AT HER OVER THERE WITH THAT 461 00:13:06,700 --> 00:13:08,567 DOCTOR, LAWYER, OR VOODOO 462 00:13:08,567 --> 00:13:09,933 PRIEST. 463 00:13:09,933 --> 00:13:11,200 SO, HOW SURE ARE YOU NOW, 464 00:13:11,200 --> 00:13:11,967 HUH? 465 00:13:11,967 --> 00:13:12,833 SURE ENOUGH TO KNOW I'M ABOUT 466 00:13:12,833 --> 00:13:14,400 TO WHOOP HIS BEHIND. 467 00:13:14,400 --> 00:13:15,700 MIRANDA? 468 00:13:15,700 --> 00:13:16,933 CALVIN? 469 00:13:16,933 --> 00:13:18,733 UM, I DIDN'T EXPECT TO SEE 470 00:13:18,733 --> 00:13:19,400 YOU HERE. 471 00:13:19,400 --> 00:13:20,700 YEAH, I BET YOU DIDN'T, OVER 472 00:13:20,700 --> 00:13:23,300 HERE WITH MUFASA. 473 00:13:23,300 --> 00:13:24,667 CALVIN, HIS NAME -- 474 00:13:27,933 --> 00:13:28,867 MAN, I'M NOT GOING TO SHAKE 475 00:13:28,867 --> 00:13:29,567 YOUR HAND. 476 00:13:29,567 --> 00:13:30,467 DON'T BE DISRESPECTING ME. 477 00:13:30,467 --> 00:13:31,300 HEY, SHORTY, PUT YOUR HAND 478 00:13:31,300 --> 00:13:31,967 DOWN. 479 00:13:31,967 --> 00:13:33,067 AIN'T NOBODY TOUCHING YOU. 480 00:13:33,067 --> 00:13:33,700 RELAX. 481 00:13:33,700 --> 00:13:35,400 LISTEN, HIS NAME IS BARRY, 482 00:13:35,400 --> 00:13:36,133 OKAY? 483 00:13:36,133 --> 00:13:37,367 CALVIN, WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU? 484 00:13:37,367 --> 00:13:39,267 CALM DOWN. 485 00:13:39,267 --> 00:13:40,100 LOOK, NO, NO, NO. 486 00:13:40,100 --> 00:13:40,967 DON'T TRY TO FLIP THE SCRIPT ON 487 00:13:40,967 --> 00:13:42,367 ME NOW. 488 00:13:42,367 --> 00:13:43,933 WHAT'S YOUR NAME, HOMEY? 489 00:13:43,933 --> 00:13:45,133 CALVIN, I ALREADY TOLD YOU 490 00:13:45,133 --> 00:13:46,500 HIS NAME IS BARRY. 491 00:13:46,500 --> 00:13:49,067 I'M TALKING TO HIM, NOT YOU. 492 00:13:49,067 --> 00:13:50,167 AND WE HAVEN'T EVEN BEEN BROKEN 493 00:13:50,167 --> 00:13:51,167 UP FOR A DAY BEFORE YOU START 494 00:13:51,167 --> 00:13:53,067 STEPPING OUT ON ME. 495 00:13:53,067 --> 00:13:54,233 MY MAMA -- MY MAMA TOLD ME ABOUT 496 00:13:54,233 --> 00:13:55,767 GIRLS LIKE YOU. 497 00:13:55,767 --> 00:13:57,633 OH, GIRLS LIKE WHAT? 498 00:13:57,633 --> 00:14:00,500 GIRLS WHO DO THINGS WITH 499 00:14:00,500 --> 00:14:05,633 PEOPLE WHILE THEY'RE WITH ME. 500 00:14:05,633 --> 00:14:07,800 BUT I'M GOING TO HANDLE IT. 501 00:14:07,800 --> 00:14:08,700 CALVIN, GET OUT OF MY 502 00:14:08,700 --> 00:14:10,833 COUSIN'S FACE! 503 00:14:10,833 --> 00:14:11,600 WHO? 504 00:14:11,600 --> 00:14:12,300 YOUR WHAT? 505 00:14:12,300 --> 00:14:15,200 YES. 506 00:14:15,200 --> 00:14:15,900 NICE SUIT. 507 00:14:15,900 --> 00:14:16,767 I DON'T KNOW WHY YOU DO THAT. 508 00:14:16,767 --> 00:14:17,733 GOT SOMETHING IN YOUR HAIR. 509 00:14:17,733 --> 00:14:18,500 UH... 510 00:14:18,500 --> 00:14:19,833 TOLD YOU. 511 00:14:19,833 --> 00:14:22,167 CALVIN, THIS IS MY COUSIN 512 00:14:22,167 --> 00:14:23,767 BARRY. 513 00:14:23,767 --> 00:14:25,467 HE'S VISITING ME FROM SEATTLE. 514 00:14:25,467 --> 00:14:26,367 OH, MY BAD, BARRY. 515 00:14:26,367 --> 00:14:27,333 WHY DIDN'T YOU SAY ANYTHING? 516 00:14:27,333 --> 00:14:28,567 IT'S "BARRY" NICE TO MEET YOU. 517 00:14:28,567 --> 00:14:30,833 GET IT? BAR-- NO, YOU DON'T 518 00:14:30,833 --> 00:14:32,333 GET IT. 519 00:14:32,333 --> 00:14:34,767 COME ON, BARRY. LET'S GO. 520 00:14:34,767 --> 00:14:36,433 BABY. 521 00:14:40,533 --> 00:14:41,567 THAT'S HOW WE DO, THOUGH. 522 00:14:41,567 --> 00:14:42,467 MAN, WE HELPED YOU OUT, DUDE. 523 00:14:42,467 --> 00:14:43,467 WE SMASH CATS OUT LIKE THAT. 524 00:14:43,467 --> 00:14:44,233 YOU KNOW WHAT I'M SAYING? 525 00:14:44,233 --> 00:14:44,967 YOU LUCKY, CAL. 526 00:14:44,967 --> 00:14:45,967 WE HAD THAT DUDE LIKE THIS! 527 00:14:45,967 --> 00:14:47,400 OHH! OHH! OHH! 528 00:14:47,400 --> 00:14:48,333 I WAS KILLING HIM. 529 00:14:48,333 --> 00:14:49,200 HEY, HEY, HEY, HEY, WHAT'S 530 00:14:49,200 --> 00:14:49,967 WITH ALL THE NOISE? 531 00:14:49,967 --> 00:14:50,767 COME ON, FELLAS! 532 00:14:50,767 --> 00:14:51,967 Y'ALL KNOW HOW LATE IT IS? 533 00:14:51,967 --> 00:14:52,833 MR. P., I'M SORRY, BUT YOU 534 00:14:52,833 --> 00:14:53,633 SHOULD'VE BEEN THERE. 535 00:14:53,633 --> 00:14:54,700 IT WAS CRAZY! 536 00:14:54,700 --> 00:14:55,700 SOME DUDE NAMED RICHIE -- WE PUT 537 00:14:55,700 --> 00:14:57,067 HIM DOWN, MR. P.! 538 00:14:57,067 --> 00:14:58,067 BARRY. 539 00:14:58,067 --> 00:14:59,733 HIM, TOO. EVERYBODY GOT IT! 540 00:14:59,733 --> 00:15:00,500 WAIT A MINUTE, 541 00:15:00,500 --> 00:15:01,367 POOKIE, CALM DOWN. 542 00:15:01,367 --> 00:15:02,900 CALVIN, WHAT HAPPENED? 543 00:15:02,900 --> 00:15:03,933 WELL, WE WERE AT THE CLUB, 544 00:15:03,933 --> 00:15:05,100 AND MIRANDA WAS THERE WITH SOME 545 00:15:05,100 --> 00:15:06,333 DUDE. 546 00:15:06,333 --> 00:15:07,133 I DIDN'T KNOW WHO HE WAS -- 547 00:15:07,133 --> 00:15:07,867 AND SHE WAS SITTING 548 00:15:07,867 --> 00:15:09,300 ON HIS LAP. 549 00:15:09,300 --> 00:15:10,133 WHEN WAS SHE SITTING ON HIS 550 00:15:10,133 --> 00:15:10,833 LAP? 551 00:15:10,833 --> 00:15:11,533 MAN, HOLD ON. 552 00:15:11,533 --> 00:15:12,500 LET ME TELL THE STORY. 553 00:15:12,500 --> 00:15:13,200 SO, WE LOOK OVER. 554 00:15:13,200 --> 00:15:14,367 SHE'S SITTING ON DUDE'S LAP, 555 00:15:14,367 --> 00:15:15,267 LOOKING HIM IN THE EYES. 556 00:15:15,267 --> 00:15:16,500 THEY'RE OVER THERE KISSING. 557 00:15:16,500 --> 00:15:17,500 WAIT, KISSING? 558 00:15:17,500 --> 00:15:18,600 WHEN WAS SHE KISSING HIM? 559 00:15:18,600 --> 00:15:19,933 CAL, CAN I PLEASE TELL THE 560 00:15:19,933 --> 00:15:20,667 STORY? 561 00:15:20,667 --> 00:15:21,467 ALL RIGHT, LOOK, LOOK, IT 562 00:15:21,467 --> 00:15:22,167 DON'T MATTER. 563 00:15:22,167 --> 00:15:23,100 BUT, MR. P., I STEPPED TO THE 564 00:15:23,100 --> 00:15:23,867 DUDE, RIGHT? 565 00:15:23,867 --> 00:15:24,667 I TURNED HIM AROUND. 566 00:15:24,667 --> 00:15:25,533 I WAS LIKE, "HEY, LITTLE BUDDY." 567 00:15:25,533 --> 00:15:26,400 YOU AIN'T GOING TO BE UP HERE 568 00:15:26,400 --> 00:15:27,900 DISINFECTING MY MAN CAL." 569 00:15:27,900 --> 00:15:28,900 ACTUALLY, THAT'S NOT WHAT 570 00:15:28,900 --> 00:15:29,933 HAPPENED AT ALL, POPS. 571 00:15:29,933 --> 00:15:31,367 PLEASE, PLEASE, CAN WE TELL 572 00:15:31,367 --> 00:15:32,233 THE STORY? 573 00:15:32,233 --> 00:15:34,067 CAN YOU QUIT BEING SO RUDE? 574 00:15:34,067 --> 00:15:36,133 YEAH, SHUT UP. 575 00:15:36,133 --> 00:15:36,933 WHAT HAPPENED? 576 00:15:36,933 --> 00:15:38,067 SO, YOU KNOW, AFTER POOK 577 00:15:38,067 --> 00:15:39,433 GRABBED HIM, YOU KNOW, WE SAID, 578 00:15:39,433 --> 00:15:40,467 "LET'S GO OUTSIDE." 579 00:15:40,467 --> 00:15:41,333 AS SOON AS WE GOT OUTSIDE, 580 00:15:41,333 --> 00:15:42,067 I AIN'T WASTE NO TIME. 581 00:15:42,067 --> 00:15:43,067 I JUST HIT HIM -- BOOM! 582 00:15:43,067 --> 00:15:44,533 YOU KNOW? I CAUGHT HIM. 583 00:15:44,533 --> 00:15:45,500 I CAUGHT HIM. 584 00:15:45,500 --> 00:15:46,433 HE WAS ON THE GROUND, RIGHT? 585 00:15:46,433 --> 00:15:47,233 I WAS GIVING IT TO HIM. 586 00:15:47,233 --> 00:15:48,100 SO I POKED HIM IN HIS EYES. 587 00:15:48,100 --> 00:15:50,500 HE WAS LIKE, "AAH, AAH!" 588 00:15:50,500 --> 00:15:51,467 POOK ON TOP OF HIM. 589 00:15:51,467 --> 00:15:52,367 YOU KNOW, THAT'S WHEN HE STARTED 590 00:15:52,367 --> 00:15:53,233 SCREAMING, YOU KNOW? 591 00:15:53,233 --> 00:15:54,067 HE STARTED SCREAMING LIKE A 592 00:15:54,067 --> 00:15:54,700 LITTLE GIRL. 593 00:15:54,700 --> 00:15:55,600 HE WASN'T TOUGH NO MORE NOW. 594 00:15:55,600 --> 00:15:56,933 HE JUST, "OH, GET OFF ME! 595 00:15:56,933 --> 00:15:58,100 GET OFF ME!" 596 00:15:58,100 --> 00:15:58,967 AND THAT'S WHEN HE'S TRYING TO 597 00:15:58,967 --> 00:15:59,767 CALL FOR HELP. 598 00:15:59,767 --> 00:16:00,600 RIGHT. 599 00:16:00,600 --> 00:16:01,367 THEN THE OWNER WALKED OUT. 600 00:16:01,367 --> 00:16:02,367 THE OWNER CAME OUT, MR. P.! 601 00:16:02,367 --> 00:16:04,067 HE HAD A SHOTGUN, AN UZI, AND A 602 00:16:04,067 --> 00:16:04,967 KNIFE. 603 00:16:04,967 --> 00:16:05,967 WAIT. WAIT. WAIT. WAIT. 604 00:16:05,967 --> 00:16:07,100 HE HAD A SHOTGUN, AN UZI, AND A 605 00:16:07,100 --> 00:16:07,800 KNIFE? 606 00:16:07,800 --> 00:16:09,633 ALL IN THE SAME HAND. 607 00:16:09,633 --> 00:16:10,600 HE ONLY HAD ONE ARM, THOUGH. 608 00:16:10,600 --> 00:16:11,567 HE WAS GOOD WITH IT. 609 00:16:11,567 --> 00:16:13,533 OH, SHUT UP. SHUT UP. 610 00:16:13,533 --> 00:16:17,067 THAT'S NOT WHAT HAPPENED. 611 00:16:17,067 --> 00:16:18,067 WELL, YOU GO AND TELL YOUR 612 00:16:18,067 --> 00:16:19,567 VERSION. 613 00:16:19,567 --> 00:16:20,833 LOOK, WE WENT TO THE CLUB, 614 00:16:20,833 --> 00:16:21,700 AND MIRANDA HAPPENED TO BE THERE 615 00:16:21,700 --> 00:16:22,767 WITH SOME GUY. 616 00:16:22,767 --> 00:16:24,067 SO I APPROACHED THEM, AND IT 617 00:16:24,067 --> 00:16:26,067 HAPPENED TO BE HER COUSIN, AND 618 00:16:26,067 --> 00:16:27,133 THEY GOT MAD AND LEFT. 619 00:16:27,133 --> 00:16:29,667 BOOM! END OF STORY. 620 00:16:29,667 --> 00:16:30,733 THAT'S IT? 621 00:16:30,733 --> 00:16:33,867 YEAH. 622 00:16:33,867 --> 00:16:36,900 YOUR STORY SUCKS! 623 00:16:36,900 --> 00:16:37,567 COME ON! 624 00:16:37,567 --> 00:16:38,367 YOU SAID HE HAD AN UZI, THE 625 00:16:38,367 --> 00:16:39,633 KNIFE, AND THEN GUN? 626 00:16:39,633 --> 00:16:40,367 HE ONLY HAD ONE ARM! 627 00:16:40,367 --> 00:16:41,200 HE HAD ONE ARM! 628 00:16:43,633 --> 00:16:45,100 OH, HELLO, MIRANDA. 629 00:16:45,100 --> 00:16:45,967 HI, MR. PAYNE. 630 00:16:45,967 --> 00:16:46,700 IS CALVIN HERE? 631 00:16:46,700 --> 00:16:47,367 YEAH, HE IS. 632 00:16:47,367 --> 00:16:48,100 LET ME GET HIM FOR YOU. 633 00:16:48,100 --> 00:16:49,333 CALVIN! MIRANDA. 634 00:16:56,933 --> 00:16:57,800 HEY. 635 00:17:02,233 --> 00:17:03,733 POPS, DO YOU MIND? 636 00:17:03,733 --> 00:17:04,433 NO, I DON'T MIND. 637 00:17:04,433 --> 00:17:06,733 GO ON AND TALK. 638 00:17:06,733 --> 00:17:09,367 CURTIS, GET IN HERE. 639 00:17:09,367 --> 00:17:10,233 HOW YOU IN THE CONVERSATION? 640 00:17:10,233 --> 00:17:10,933 HOW YOU IN THEIR 641 00:17:10,933 --> 00:17:11,600 CONVERSATION? 642 00:17:11,600 --> 00:17:13,367 YOU ARE SO NOSY. 643 00:17:13,367 --> 00:17:16,600 Y'ALL GO SIT DOWN AND TALK. 644 00:17:16,600 --> 00:17:17,967 BYE. 645 00:17:24,200 --> 00:17:25,067 POPS, NOW, YOU KNOW YOU'RE 646 00:17:25,067 --> 00:17:26,100 TOO BIG TO BE HIDING BEHIND THAT 647 00:17:26,100 --> 00:17:29,200 COUCH. 648 00:17:29,200 --> 00:17:30,233 YOU CAUGHT -- YOU SAW ME? 649 00:17:30,233 --> 00:17:32,533 YEAH, I SAW YOU. 650 00:17:32,533 --> 00:17:34,067 THANK YOU. 651 00:17:34,067 --> 00:17:36,067 TALK LOUD SO I CAN HEAR YOU. 652 00:17:36,067 --> 00:17:36,867 I'M SORRY TO COME BY 653 00:17:36,867 --> 00:17:38,067 UNANNOUNCED. 654 00:17:38,067 --> 00:17:38,833 NO, BABY, I'M HAPPY TO SEE 655 00:17:38,833 --> 00:17:39,800 YOU. 656 00:17:39,800 --> 00:17:40,633 I'VE BEEN LEAVING YOU MESSAGES 657 00:17:40,633 --> 00:17:41,467 ALL NIGHT. 658 00:17:41,467 --> 00:17:42,767 LISTEN, I JUST -- I REALLY 659 00:17:42,767 --> 00:17:45,567 NEEDED SOME TIME TO COOL OFF. 660 00:17:45,567 --> 00:17:46,767 [ SIGHS ] 661 00:17:46,767 --> 00:17:47,800 PLUS, I WANTED TO SEE YOU IN 662 00:17:47,800 --> 00:17:49,167 PERSON. 663 00:17:49,167 --> 00:17:50,067 I KNOW. 664 00:17:50,067 --> 00:17:51,533 LOOK, BABY, I NEED TO APOLOGIZE 665 00:17:51,533 --> 00:17:53,200 TO YOU FOR LAST NIGHT AND THE 666 00:17:53,200 --> 00:17:54,267 NIGHT BEFORE. 667 00:17:54,267 --> 00:17:56,067 YEAH, BECAUSE YOU HAVE REALLY 668 00:17:56,067 --> 00:17:58,867 BEEN ACTING LIKE A FOOL LATELY. 669 00:17:58,867 --> 00:18:00,200 I KNOW. 670 00:18:00,200 --> 00:18:02,167 IS THIS OVER OR WHAT? 671 00:18:02,167 --> 00:18:04,233 I MEAN, DO YOU STILL LOVE ME? 672 00:18:04,233 --> 00:18:05,567 BABY, YES, OF COURSE I LOVE 673 00:18:05,567 --> 00:18:06,267 YOU. 674 00:18:06,267 --> 00:18:07,533 I LOVE YOU. 675 00:18:07,533 --> 00:18:08,533 LOOK, I JUST GOT A LITTLE 676 00:18:08,533 --> 00:18:10,067 INSECURE. 677 00:18:10,067 --> 00:18:11,867 WHY WOULD YOU BE INSECURE? 678 00:18:11,867 --> 00:18:14,067 BECAUSE HE'S BROKE AND HIS 679 00:18:14,067 --> 00:18:15,233 MAMA STILL TUCKS HIM IN AT 680 00:18:15,233 --> 00:18:18,167 NIGHT. 681 00:18:18,167 --> 00:18:20,667 BABY, LISTEN -- I DON'T CARE 682 00:18:20,667 --> 00:18:22,300 IF YOU'RE BROKE. 683 00:18:22,300 --> 00:18:23,633 THAT'S JUST A REASON TO BE A 684 00:18:23,633 --> 00:18:25,567 LITTLE MORE CREATIVE. 685 00:18:25,567 --> 00:18:26,567 YOU KNOW, THAT'S THE SAME 686 00:18:26,567 --> 00:18:27,633 THING MY MAMA SAID. 687 00:18:27,633 --> 00:18:28,467 REALLY? 688 00:18:28,467 --> 00:18:29,267 YEAH. 689 00:18:29,267 --> 00:18:31,400 YOUR MAMA'S A SMART LADY. 690 00:18:31,400 --> 00:18:32,700 THANK YOU, MIRANDA. 691 00:18:32,700 --> 00:18:33,467 THANK YOU. 692 00:18:33,467 --> 00:18:34,400 [ LAUGHS ] 693 00:18:34,400 --> 00:18:35,667 YOU'RE WELCOME, MRS. PAYNE. 694 00:18:35,667 --> 00:18:36,700 SHE SAID, "YOU'RE WELCOME." 695 00:18:36,700 --> 00:18:37,500 I HEARD HER. 696 00:18:37,500 --> 00:18:39,900 PLEASE! PRIVACY? 697 00:18:41,900 --> 00:18:43,433 CALVIN, BABY, LISTEN. 698 00:18:43,433 --> 00:18:45,767 I LOVE YOU FOR YOU, 699 00:18:45,767 --> 00:18:47,267 NOW WHAT YOU HAVE. 700 00:18:47,267 --> 00:18:49,133 YOUR POCKETS MAY BE EMPTY, BABY, 701 00:18:49,133 --> 00:18:51,800 BUT YOUR HEART IS FULL OF LOVE. 702 00:18:51,800 --> 00:18:54,700 [ LAUGHS ] 703 00:18:54,700 --> 00:18:55,600 YOU BETTER STOP. 704 00:18:55,600 --> 00:18:57,867 YOU ARE FUNNY. 705 00:18:57,867 --> 00:18:58,733 I WANT TO HEAR YOU SAY THAT WHEN 706 00:18:58,733 --> 00:19:01,067 YOUR MAILBOX IS FULL OF BILLS. 707 00:19:01,067 --> 00:19:02,067 THAT'S WHEN I WANT TO HEAR IT! 708 00:19:02,067 --> 00:19:02,967 YOU HEAR WHAT SHE SAID? 709 00:19:02,967 --> 00:19:04,233 TALKING ABOUT SHE LOVE HIM! 710 00:19:04,233 --> 00:19:05,233 [ LAUGHS ] 711 00:19:05,233 --> 00:19:06,467 CURTIS, GET OUT OF THERE. 43233

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