Original subtitles

PREVIOUSLY ON

"HOUSE OF PAYNE."

MISS ELLA, I WANTED YOU TO

KNOW I SCHEDULED AN APPOINTMENT

TO GET A MAMMOGRAM TOMORROW.

JANINE, YOU HAVE PLENTY OF

TIME.

YOU DON'T HAVE TO GET AN EXAM

UNTIL YOU ARE AT LEAST 40.

NO, ACTUALLY, I HAD AN AUNT

WHO DIED FROM BREAST CANCER WHEN

I WAS YOUNGER.

AND SINCE IT'S HEREDITARY, THEY

RECOMMEND GETTING TESTED SOONER.

HEY!

HOW WAS YOUR MAMMOGRAM?

A LITTLE UNCOMFORTABLE.

I KNOW, BUT IT ONLY TOOK A

MATTER OF MINUTES, THOUGH,

RIGHT?

THE MAMMOGRAM WASN'T THE

PROBLEM.

OKAY, THEN, WHAT'S WRONG?

OKAY, THEN, WHAT'S WRONG? I'M PREGNANT.

I'M PREGNANT.

OKAY, NOW, SO...

TELL ME AGAIN.

I'M PREGNANT.

THAT'S WHAT I THOUGHT.

I NEED TO STAND UP.

YOUSIT DOWN.

SO, JANINE, YOU'RE HAVING SEX

WITH BRIAN?

YES.

I DON'T GET IT WITH YOU YOUNG

PEOPLE.

WHAT'S WRONG WITH WAITING?

CURTIS AND I WAITED, AND AS A

RESULT, OUR LOVE IS STRONG, AND

WE COMMUNICATE VERY WELL.

OKAY, BUT HAVE YOU

COMMUNICATED ANY OF THIS TO

CALVIN?

HM.

CALVIN DOESN'T LISTEN EITHER.

JANINE...

OKAY, ARE YOU GONNA TELL C.J.

AND THE KIDS WHEN THEY GET BACK

TOMORROW?

YES.

NO. MAYBE.

LOOK, I DON'T KNOW.

OKAY, I DON'T KNOW.

JUST-- JUST DON'T SAY ANYTHING

TO ANYONE BECAUSE I JUST NEED

TIME TO FIGURE THIS OUT.

HEY. HEY, BABY, LOOK AT THIS.

LOOK, YOU DIDN'T TELL ME YOU

FOUND THESE OLD PICTURES.

YOU DIDN'T TELL ME YOU FOUND

THESE.

NOT NOW, BABY.

THESE OLD PICTURES.

NOT NOW, BABY.

LOOK, LOOK. NO, BABY, LOOK.

THIS IS ME AND ELLA ON OUR FIRST

DATE.

THAT'S ON OUR FIRST DATE, BABY.

THIS IS YOUR FIRST DATE?

YEAH.

THIS LOOKS A LOT LIKE A HOTEL

ROOM.

IT WAS.

AND I TA DA DA DA!

HA! HA!

I TA DA DA DA!

[ CHUCKLES ]

SHE TAUGHT ME ALL KINDS OF STUFF

THAT DAY.

SHE WAS SO EASY.

SO, YOU WAITED IN A HOTEL

ROOM...FOR UNCLE CURTIS.

PLEASE.

CALVIN GOT BACK YET?

NO, CURTIS.

OKAY, CURTIS, ME AND JANINE ARE

TALKING, SO COULD YOU JUST WAIT

FOR CALVIN IN THE OTHER ROOM,

PLEASE?

IN WHAT OTHER ROOM?

WHAT YOU TALKING ABOUT?

THIS IS MY HOUSE.

I AIN'T GOING IN NO OTHER ROOM.

I'M-A SIT RIGHT HERE.

BABE, PLEASE!

WE'RE TRYING TO TALK.

MISS ELLA, IT'S OKAY.

BABY, GO AHEAD AND TALK,

THEN.

AIN'T NOBODY STOPPING YOU FROM

TALKING.

WE DON'T HAVE SECRETS IN THIS

HOUSE. GO AHEAD AND TALK.

CURTIS PAYNE!

WOULD YOU PLEASE LEAVE THE

KITCHEN RIGHT NOW?!

EVERYBODY WHO PAY THE

MORTGAGE IN THIS HOUSE, RAISE

YOUR HAND.

OKAY. [ CHUCKLES ]

OKAY, EVERYBODY WHO WILL BE

SLEEPING ON THE COUCH TONIGHT

KEEP YOUR HAND UP.

EXCUSE ME, EXCUSE ME.

WHY DO YOU ALWAYS DO THAT?

YOU KNOW WHAT?

IT'S ALL RIGHT.

WE CAN TALK LATER.

WE CAN TALK -- WE CAN TALK

LATER.

YEAH, YOU CAN TALK LATER.

TALK AT YOUR HOUSE WHEN YOU GET

ONE.

WHY DOES IT ALWAYS HAVE TO

COME BACK TO THE HOUSE?

BECAUSE YOU ALWAYS COME BACK

TO MY HOUSE.

HELLO.

HELLO! HELLO! HELLO!

All: WHAT?!

I'M GRADUATING THIS SATURDAY.

GRADUATING.

CURTIS --

IF I HAD A DIME FOR EVERY

TIME THAT I HEARD THAT --

I WANT TO ADDRESS THIS RIGHT

HERE FIRST.

EXCUSE ME!

EXCUSE ME!

All: WHAT?!

I'M SERIOUS.

I'M GRADUATING.

AND I'M A LITTLE, ITSY-BITTY,

SKINNY WHITE WOMAN NAMED GAIL.

YOU KNOW WHAT? NEVER MIND.

NEVER MIND.

DO YOU THINK HE WAS SERIOUS?

All: NO.

HEY, CALVIN.

WHY DON'T YOU LET ME HOOK YOUR

NAILS UP SO THEY CAN LOOK AS

SMOOTH AS YOU.

DANA, DON'T TRY TO RUN THAT

GAME ON ME.

I JUST CAME TO GET MY HAIR CUT

FOR MY GRADUATION.

YEAH, THAT'S RIGHT.

CALVIN PAYNE IS GRADUATING.

HA HA!

HIT ME AGAIN.

YO, I'M SERIOUS.

I'M REALLY GRADUATING.

CALVIN, I THOUGHT YOU HAD TO

GO TO CLASS TO GRADUATE.

[ CHUCKLES ]

NO, FOR REAL.

I GOT MY DEGREE IN ECONOMICS.

IF YOU GOT YOUR DEGREE IN

ECONOMICS, I'M A SKINNY WHITE

WOMAN NAMED GAIL.

ALL RIGHT, CALVIN, IF IT'S

TRUE, I'M HAPPY FOR YOU.

YOU KNOW YOUR GIRL KIKI GOT A

DEGREE IN PSYCHOLOGY.

OH, REALLY?

YEAH.

WELL, WHAT YOU DOING WORKING

HERE, THEN?

[ SCOFFS ]

KIKI IS MAKING DOUGH.

IF YOU USE YOUR GEISHA DEGREE,

YOU MIGHT, TOO.

DELANTE, HOOK ME UP.

SO, CALVIN, NOW THAT YOU

"GRADUATING," WHAT YOU GONNA DO?

GET A JOB.

WHAT, YOU GONNA GET YOUR

MASTERS?

YOU SHOULD TRAVEL.

NO, I THINK I'M-A JUST SLEEP

NO, I THINK I'M-A JUST SLEEP IN.

IN.

THERE'S MY BOY!

HA! THE SMART BOY!

COME HERE!

COME HERE, BOY!

HEY, I'M JUST PUTTING MY

DEGREE TO GOOD USE.

OKAY, CURTIS.

BABE.

WHAT DID YOUR BOY FINALLY END UP

MAJORING IN?

OH, BABY, YOU KNOW WHAT HE

MAJORED IN.

COME ON -- TELL YOUR MAMA WHAT

YOU MAJORED IN.

[ CHUCKLES ]

WELL, I'M GRADUATING WITH A

BACHELOR OF SCIENCE IN

ECONOMICS.

BACHELORS OF SCIENCE IN

ECONOMICS.

WELL, HOLD THE HELL UP.

YOU MEAN AFTER 7 YEARS OF

CHANGING YOUR MAJOR, YOU END UP

GETTING A DEGREE IN THE ONE YOU

STARTED WITH?

YES.

ECONOMICS.

AW!

OKAY, WE HAVE TO HAVE A

GRADUATION PARTY.

NOW -- NOW, HOLD UP.

SLOW UP.

IT -- IT'S NOT THAT GREAT.

PARTIES COST MONEY.

WE AIN'T GOT NONE.

CURTIS, IT WON'T COST THAT

MUCH.

WE CAN HAVE IT HERE AT THE

HOUSE.

NO, NO, NO, NO, I WANT TO

HAVE IT IN A CLUB.

THAT WAY, I CAN PULL UP IN MY

HUMMER WITH THE JACUZZI.

[ CHUCKLES ]

ME AND POOKIE AND PEANUT CAN DO

OUR THING WITH THE HONEYS.

WITH THE HONEYS.

WITH THE HONEYS.

OOH, AND MIRANDA.

OOH, OOH.

AND MIRANDA.

OH, THAT'S RIGHT.

I KEEP FORGETTING I GOT A

GIRLFRIEND NOW.

[ LAUGHS ]

NOW THAT'S FUNNY!

I DO THE SAME THING.

WHEN I'M IN THE SUPERMARKET, AND

I SEE THEM FINE LITTLE CHECKOUT

GIRLS, I BE FORGETTING I GOT A

WIFE.

HELLO.

AND THEN THERE SHE IS.

HA! HA!

I LOVE YOU, BABY.

ANYWAY, SIT DOWN.

YOU KNOW, I GOT TO TELL YOU

THIS. I GOT TO TELL YOU THIS.

WHAT'S THAT?

YOU KNOW, ME AND YOUR MAMA

WAS TALKING, AND WE REALLY

THOUGHT YOU WAS GONNA END UP

BEING A ROOMMATE WITH MALIK IN

COLLEGE.

POPS, THAT'S -- THAT'S NOT

FUNNY.

THAT IS NOT WHAT WE SAID.

WE SAID HE WAS GONNA CHANGE HIS

TASSEL OVER WITH JAZMINE.

THAT WHAT YOU SAID!

YOU PUT THAT ON ME!

THAT'S WHAT YOU SAID.

[ LAUGHING ]

I SAID -- I SAID HE WAS GONNA

END UP GRADUATING WITH HIS OWN

KID.

[ BOTH LAUGH ]

HE'D GRADUATE WITH HIS OWN KID!

COOTCHIE COO!

WAIT, WAIT, WAIT.

I GOT A NEW ONE.

HE'LL GRADUATE WITH JANINE'S

BABY.

[ LAUGHS ]

WE ALREADY SAID JANINE'S

BABIES.

RIGHT.

OH!

NO, SEE, I WAS TALKING ABOUT IF

SHE WAS PREGNANT, IF SHE GOT

PREGNANT AGAIN.

THAT'S ALL.

WHERE DID HE GO?

WHERE DID CAL--

CALVIN!

HE CAN'T TAKE A JOKE.

SO, DID YOU TELL BRIAN?

I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO SAY.

I MEAN, WHAT --

"BRIAN, BRIAN, YOU'VE BEEN A

WONDERFUL BOYFRIEND, AND I

APPRECIATE YOU BEING SO

UNDERSTANDING ABOUT ME LIVING

WITH MY EX-HUSBAND AND OUR KIDS

IN HIS UNCLE'S HOUSE. AND GUESS

WHAT? NOW I'M PREGNANT?"

ALL RIGHT.

ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT.

THIS IS A BIT MUCH.

WELL, JANINE, JUST...

WHEN THE TIME COMES, THE WORDS

WILL COME.

OKAY?

OH, COME ON, SHOW ME, SHOW ME.

CAP AND GOWN, PLEASE.

YEAH, CALVIN, WHERE IS IT?

COME ON.

WHERE'S POPS?

I DON'T KNOW.

HE HAD A RUN TO MAKE.

SHOW ME THE CAP AND GOWN.

HE'LL BE BACK.

WELL, MOM, I WAS THINKING.

MAYBE DAD'S RIGHT.

MAYBE I DON'T NEED A PARTY.

I MEAN, IT'S JUST A BIG WASTE OF

TIME.

I'VE BEEN IN COLLEGE FOR SEVEN

YEARS.

HA! OH, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO.

MY BABY WILL HAVE A GRADUATION

PAR-TAY.

YES, THIS WAS A LONG SEVEN

YEARS. WE HAVE TO CELEBRATE.

NO, REALLY, REALLY.

I MEAN, ME AND POOKIE AND PEANUT

COULD JUST HAVE A DRINK AT THE

BAR.

IT'S -- IT'S NOT A BIG DEAL.

THROWING A PARTY IS A WASTE OF

MONEY.

I COULD THINK OF A MILLION

THINGS I COULD SPEND THAT MONEY

ON.

OKAY, CALVIN.

WHAT'S REALLYGOING ON?

WELL, IT TURNS OUT THAT I'M

FOUR CREDITS SHORT OF MY MAJOR,

AND THE CLASS IS ONLY BEING

TAUGHT IN THE FALL.

WHOA. WHOA, CALVIN.

WHAT ARE YOU SAYING?

I THINK HE SAID HE'S NOT

GRADUATING.

YEAH. WHAT SHE SAID.

YEAH. WHAT SHE SAID. CALVIN.

CALVIN.

HEY, HEY.

WHAT'S UP, MR. P?

HEY, MR. PAYNE.

WHY DON'T YOU LET ME HOOK THEM

NAILS UP FOR YOU REAL QUICK?

LITTLE GIRL, GET OFF OF ME.

I'M HERE ON OFFICIAL BUSINESS.

WHAT'S HAPPENING?

WHAT YOU DOING HERE?

DIDN'T DELANTE JUST GET YOU

YESTERDAY?

YEAH, DELANTE JACKED THE BACK

OF MY HEAD UP YESTERDAY.

SO YOU NEED TO DO IT OVER.

I GOT YOU AS SOON AS I'M DONE

WITH HER, ALL RIGHT?

YEAH, GO TO KIKI.

HER CLIPPERS ARE MADE FOR

CUTTING WOOL.

SHUT UP.

[ LAUGHS ]

HEY, LOOK.

THAT AIN'T WHY I'M HERE.

I'M HERE BECAUSE AS YOU ALL

KNOW, MY SON CALVIN IS

GRADUATING COLLEGE.

I KNOW, I WAS SPEECHLESS, TOO.

[ LAUGHS ]

SO I WANT TO GET HIM SOMETHING,

BUT I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO GET

HIM.

SO EVERYBODY, THE GUYS AT THE

FIREHOUSE, THEY WASN'T NO HELP.

SO, I'M THINKING, HAS HE BEEN

TALKING AROUND HERE?

ANYBODY KNOW ANYTHING THAT HE

BEEN TALKING ABOUT LATELY?

WAIT A MINUTE.

YOU'RE GONNA GET HIM A GIFT?

ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU BELIEVED

HIM?

[ LAUGHTER ]

WELL, WHAT'S SO FUNNY?

WHAT'S SO FUNNY?

NO OFFENSE, MR. PAYNE, BUT

WE'LL BELIEVE CALVIN IS

GRADUATING AFTER WE SEE HIM

GRADUATE.

MY SON IS GRADUATING, BRO.

NOW, LOOK.

YOU KNOW WHAT I'M THINKING?

I'LL GET HIM A BRAND-NEW SUIT

FOR HIS FIRST JOB.

OH, HE DON'T NEED A SUIT FOR

THAT.

GET HIM A TRENCH COAT AND A

SQUEEGEE.

[ LAUGHTER ]

HEY, NO, NO, BUT FOR REAL.

MAYBE I'LL GET HIM A LAPTOP,

SOMETHING LIKE THAT.

Y'ALL LIKE THAT, RIGHT?

OR A LAP DANCE.

I MEAN, I KNOW HE AIN'T

GRADUATING, BUT I'LL COME TO THE

CELEBRATION.

HA! HA!

I DON'T THINK HE WANT TO GO

TO YOUR KIND OF CELEBRATION,

DELANTE.

EXCUSE ME.

Y'ALL ARE NOT SERIOUS, AND I'M

NOT DEALING WITH ANY OF IT.

I'M-A COME BACK IN AN HOUR,

KIKI.

YOU CAN TAKE CARE OF ME THEN.

GOTCHA.

NO HELP.

OH, WAIT.

HEY, CURTIS, MAKE SURE YOU SEND

ME AN INVITATION TO THE

GRADUATION PARTY, ALL RIGHT?

[ CHUCKLES ]

WHEN HE GRADUATES IN 5 YEARS.

[ LAUGHTER ]

OKAY.

HEY, LOOK HERE.

I GOT SOMETHING FOR YOU.

I GOT SOMETHING FOR YOU.

HOLD ON, HOLD ON.

DON'T GO NOWHERE, OKAY?

DON'T GO NOWHERE.

DON'T GO NOWHERE.

LOVE YOU.

I LOVE YOU, TOO.

THAT'S OUR BOY.

BE RIGHT BACK.

HM.

WELL, I TAKE IT YOU DID NOT TELL

HIM ANYTHING.

[ Whining ] MOM, I THOUGHT

YOU LOVED ME.

I DO [WHIMPERS] LOVE YOU.

THEN WHY YOU MAKING ME TELL

HIM? YOU KNOW HE GONNA KILL ME.

HE IS NOT GONNA KILL YOU.

HE MAY BUST YOU IN YOUR MOUTH,

BUT HE NOT GONNA KILL YOU.

OOH.

YOU MAY HAVE TO WALK ON CRUTCHES

FOR A YEAR...

[ CHUCKLES ] BUT HE NOT GONNA

KILL YOU...BABY.

HE GONNA KILL YOU!

OKAY, OKAY, I GOT IT.

[ HUMMING TAPS ]

OKAY, MOM, I GOT IT!

GOT WHAT, A JOB?

YOU GOT A JOB ALREADY?

COME HERE.

COME HERE.

HAVE I TOLD YOU LATELY THAT I

LOVE YOU?

POPS, I GOT TO TELL YOU

SOMETHING.

NO, WAIT A MINUTE.

WAIT A MINUTE.

LET ME GET THIS OUT FIRST.

I KNOW I TOLD YOU I WASN'T GONNA

GET YOU NOTHING, BUT I CHANGED

MY MIND.

I GOT YOU SOMETHING.

YOU GOT ME SOMETHING?

AND IT'S AMAZING!

HUH? YOU GOT ME SOMETHING?

CLOSE YOUR EYES.

CLOSE YOUR EYES.

CLOSE YOUR EYES. CLOSE BOTH OF THEM LIKE THIS.

CLOSE BOTH OF THEM LIKE THIS.

ALL RIGHT, COME ON.

IT'S OKAY.

IT'S OKAY. [ GRUNTS ]

[ GRUNTS ]

CLOSE YOUR EYES.

KEEP 'EM CLOSED.

KEEP 'EM CLOSED.

KEEP 'EM CLOSED.

OKAY.

OKAY.

READY?

MM-HMM.

OPEN YOUR EYES.

AH, I CAN'T LOOK!

I CAN'T LOOK!

CANDY-APPLE RED!

LEATHER SEATS!

295 HORSEPOWER!

DUAL EXHAUST!

CONVERTIBLE!

HELLO!

SITTING ON 22s!

[ HUMMING ]

[ LAUGHS ]

BOY!

IT'S USED...BUT IT'S YOURS.

IT'S YOURS.

[ CHUCKLES ]

SPEECHLESS, AIN'T YA?

I WAS SPEECHLESS, TOO.

I-I'M SPEECHLESS.

I CAN'T SAY NOTHING.

OH.

WHAT'D YOU WANT TO TELL ME?

WHAT'D YOU WANT TO TELL ME? OH, NOTHING.

OH, NOTHING.

DROP YOUR SHOULDER.

DROP YOUR SHOULDER.

DROP YOUR SHOULDER.

HELLO!

HELLO, EVERYBODY.

HA! HA!

OH, I'M SURE EVERYBODY SEEN THE

CAR THAT I BOUGHT CALVIN.

I WAS SAD.

YOU KNOW, IT'S NOT EVERY DAY

THAT YOUR SON GRADUATES FROM

COLLEGE.

HELLO.

[ CHUCKLES ]

OR ANY DAY.

IT'S A NICE RIDE, CALVIN.

YOU SHOULD DRIVE IT TO YOUR

GRADUATION.

YEAH.

DID YOU PASSANY OF YOUR COLLEGE

BUDDIES ON YOUR WAY OVER HERE,

OR DID THEY GET LEFT BEHIND?

NO, BUT I KNOW SOMEBODY'S

BEHIND I WILL KICK IF THEY DON'T

SHUT UP.

YOU KNOW WHAT, CALVIN?

I GOT THESE FOUR CUSTOMERS THAT

ARE SHORT ON THEIR CREDITS.

YOU KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT THAT?

I'M SORRY.

I'M SORRY.

THIS RIDE IS RIDICULOUS.

IT'S RIDICULOUS.

I-IT'S BETTER THAN MINE.

IT'S GOT MIKES ON THE REARVIEW

MIRROR.

AND YOU KNOW YOU GONNA PUT YOUR

TASSEL ON THE REARVIEW MIRROR.

WELL, I HAVE A FEELING THEM

TASSELS GONNA LOOK A LOT MORE

LIKE A PAIR OF FUZZY DICE.

COME ON, FLOYD.

I WANT YOU TO CHECK IT OUT.

COME ON, CHECK IT OUT.

WAIT TILL YOU SEE THE RIMS.

THEY ALMOST AS BIG AS THE ONES

ON MY FIRE TRUCK, MAN.

WHOO!

COME ON, FLOYD! COME ON!

WOW!

BOY, YOU GOING TO DIE.

YO, CALVIN, ARE YOU CRAZY?

WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL YOUR POPS

YOU WASN'T GRADUATING?

DID YOU SEE THAT RIDE?

YEAH, YOU RIGHT, YOU RIGHT,

YOU RIGHT.

YOU KNOW HOW MANY HONEYS TO THE

GALLON WE CAN GET IN THAT THING?

I GOT A GIRLFRIEND.

OKAY, THE ONLY THING YOU NEED

TO BE WORRIED ABOUT IS PULLING

YOUR DADDY'S FOOT OUT OF YOUR

BUTT WHEN HE FINDS OUT.

YEAH, KIKI IS RIGHT.

YOU KNOW YOU ARE WRONG FOR THIS.

OKAY, OKAY, I'M-A TELL HIM.

WELL, TELL HIM SOON, 'CAUSE

HE GONNA COME IN HERE AND KILL

YOU, AND I AIN'T CLEANING

THAT UP.

WRONG.

WRONG. [ BOTH LAUGHING ]

[ BOTH LAUGHING ]

OH, MY GOODNESS.

OH, MY GOODNESS.

[ SIGHS ]

HEY...

COME ON.

LET'S GO FOR A SPIN.

COME ON.

SHOTGUN!

[ CHUCKLES ]

HE'S TALKING ABOUT THE SHOTGUN

IN THE CAR, MAN.

OH, YOU --

YES.

OKAY, Y'ALL DIDN'T SEE THAT.

WOW.

YOU DIDN'T SEE THAT.

YOU DIDN'T SEE THAT. SEE, THAT'S THAT NEW DUMB.

SEE, THAT'S THAT NEW DUMB.

UH!

WHO BOUGHT YOU THE --

YEP, THAT'S WHAT I SAID.

OKAY, CALVIN, I...

I THOUGHT WHEN YOUR FATHER FOUND

OUT THAT YOU DID NOT GRADUATE,

THAT HE WAS JUST GONNA KNOCK YOU

OUT, BUT --

BUT NOW...

YOU'RE ACTUALLY GOING TO DIE.

[ SHOUTS INDISTINCTLY ]

HA! HA!

WHAT'S UP, BABY?

HI, BABE.

MWAH!

MWAH.

LOOK AT HER.

LOOK AT HER.

MMM.

HM.

Tell him.

Tell him.

TELL HIM.

MOVE!

MOVE! OH!

OH!

BOY...

IF THAT CAR HAD A DRESS, I'D...

TA DA DA DA.

DA DA DA DI DA.

WELL, LOOK, POPS, THERE WAS A

MISTAKE.

I'M FOUR CREDITS SHORT, AND I'M

I'M FOUR CREDITS SHORT, AND I'M NOT ABLE TO GRADUATE.

NOT ABLE TO GRADUATE.

CURTIS, HONEY?

BABE?

UNCLE CURTIS?

UH-OH.

UH-OH!

THE LAST TIME THIS HAPPENED, HE

WAS STUCK LIKE THAT FOR A DAY

AND A HALF.

DAY AND A HALF?

WHAT ARE WE GONNA DO?

WELL, WE -- WE JUST HAVE TO

WAIT AND LET HIM COME OUT OF IT.

CURTIS?

OKAY, I'M GONNA CLOSE THE

DOOR.

DOOR. CURTIS, HONEY? BABE?

CURTIS, HONEY? BABE?

WHAT HAPPENED?

HEY, BABE, YOU ALL RIGHT?

YEAH, I'M -- I'M FINE, BABY.

I JUST...

I JUST -- I HAD...

THE CRAZIEST DREAM.

WHAT?

YOU HAD A DREAM?

YEAH, I HAD A DREAM THAT

CALVIN DIDN'T GRADUATE.

OH.

WELL, ACTUALLY...

ACTUALLY, HE DIDN'T.

SEE, WHAT HAPPENED WAS --

WOULD YOU, WOULD YOU,

WOULD YOU, WOULD YOU...

THAT'S THE CRAZIEST THING

I EVER SEEN IN MY LIFE.

I CAN'T EVEN -- I MEAN, IT'S

LIKE, AND THEN HE STILL -- HE

SNUCK TO THE CAR, AND HE TOOK

OFF IN THE CONVERTIBLE.

BUT HE TRIED TO, AND WHEN HE

STARTED IT, IT BLEW UP.

JUST BLAM!

IT BLEW UP.

BODY PARTS FLEW EVERYWHERE,

AND HE DIED.

AND -- AND I WAS HAPPY.

OKAY, WELL...

OH, THERE YOU ARE.

POPS...

[ CHUCKLES ]

POPS, I GOT GOOD NEWS AND BAD

NEWS.

OKAY.

WELL, WHAT'S THE BAD NEWS?

WELL, THE PART ABOUT ME NOT

GRADUATING IS ACTUALLY TRUE.

OKAY, WHAT'S THE GOOD NEWS?

OKAY, WHAT'S THE GOOD NEWS? I'M NOT DEAD.

I'M NOT DEAD.

NO, REALLY, WHAT'S THE GOOD

NEWS?

OKAY, LOOK, POPS, I'M

GRADUATING, JUST NOT ON

SATURDAY.

BUT I'LL DEFINITELY HAVE THE

CREDITS I NEED BY THE END OF THE

SEMESTER TO GRADUATE.

AND THAT WILL GIVE US MORE TIME

TO PLAN THE PARTY.

THAT WAY, WE CAN INVITE MORE

PEOPLE.

IT'S GONNA GIVE ME MORE MONEY.

NOW I SEE HOW HE GOT A B.S.

DEGREE.

OH!