Original subtitles

PREVIOUSLY ON "HOUSE OF

PAYNE"...

I GUESS IT WOULDN'T HURT.

YEAH.

I MEAN, WE KNOW THERE'S NOTHING

GOING ON.

RIGHT.

YEAH, LET'S DO IT.

YES, MOMMY AND DADDY ARE

GOING ON A DATE.

[ LAUGHS ]

IT'S NOT A DATE.

WE WENT SHOPPING TOGETHER.

THAT DOES NOT MEAN WE'RE A

COUPLE.

HE'S THE BABY DADDY, I'M THE

BABY MAMA.

THAT'S IT.

OH, MAN!

I FORGOT MY CLOTHES AT THE

CLEANERS.

NO, I PICKED THEM UP ALREADY.

THEY'RE LAYING ON YOUR BED.

OH, THANK YOU, THANK YOU.

WHICH TIE DO YOU THINK I SHOULD

WEAR -- THE BLACK TIE OR THE

BLUE TIE WITH THAT SUIT?

BLUE.

YOU LOOK GOOD IN BLUE.

BLUE TIE. THANK YOU.

THAT'S HOW YOU HOLD ON TO

YOUR MAN!

AH!

[ LAUGHTER ]

ACTUALLY, MELISSA, C.J. AND I

ARE DIVORCED.

SO, HOW ABOUT WE JUST TELL

EVERYBODY THAT WE'RE STILL

MARRIED?

I-I THINK YOU LOOK GREAT.

OH.

YOU KNOW, A LITTLE BIRDIE

TOLD ME THAT YOU ARE DIVORCED.

IS THAT TRUE?

YES.

NO.

NO.

C.J., WE -- WE JUST TALKED OVER

HERE, AND WHAT WE DECIDED

IS THAT WE --

Shh.

ARE YOU OKAY?

YOU KNOW WHAT?

WHAT?

WHY DON'T YOU SLEEP IN MY BED

TONIGHT?

[ TELEPHONE RINGING ]

ARE YOU GONNA GET THE PHONE?

I DON'T LIVE HERE.

OH, NOW YOU DON'T LIVE HERE.

HAND ME THE PHONE.

I SAID HAND IT TO ME.

HELLO?

W-WHOA, WHOA, WHOA, WHOA, WHOA,

WHOA, WHOA, WHOA.

HOLD ON, CAT.

HOLD ON, HOLD ON, HOLD ON.

WHO YOU CALLING?

THIS IS.

IT'S A --

WAIT A MINUTE.

I DON'T --

WHO --

I DON'T EVEN KNOW YOU, MAN.

WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?

WHAT --

YOU BETTER WATCH YOUR --

YOU BETTER WATCH YOUR LANGUAGE!

YOU GOT THE WRONG NUMBER, JACK.

YOU -- WELL, I WISH --

I WISH -- I WISH YOU WOULD!

WHATEVER.

[ TELEPHONE BEEPS ]

WHAT WAS THAT ALL ABOUT?

SOME GUY NAMED TONY TALKING

ABOUT I'M MESSING AROUND WITH

HIS WIFE.

WHOA, WHOA, HOLD ON, POP.

I KNOW YOU'RE NOT CHEATING

ON MOM.

NO, YOU IDIOT.

I'M NOT CHEATING ON YOUR MOTHER.

WHY ARE YOU STANDING UP OVER ME

LIKE THAT?

I'M JUST SAYING.

I'M JUST SAYING YOU BETTER

STICK YOUR CHEST BACK IN AND SIT

DOWN SOMEWHERE BEFORE YOU GET

YOUR LUNG PUNCTURED.

SIT DOWN!

WHOO!

WAIT A MINUTE.

OKAY.

CURTIS.

SO...

SO, UM...

AAH!

IS HIS ARM OKAY?

HE GONNA KICK --

WHOA!

HE GONNA COME BACK, HE GONNA

COME BACK, HE GONNA COME BACK!

[ GRUNTING ]

OKAY, TIME OUT, TIME OUT,

TIME OUT.

OKAY, BABE.

ALL RIGHT. I QUIT.

IT'S LIKE I WAS SAYING.

THE DISHES ARE ALL DONE.

OH, THERE YOU ARE.

HEY, C.J., WHERE YOU BEEN?

I WENT FOR A RUN.

OH.

I THOUGHT YOU SLEPT LATE LIKE

JANINE.

SCOOT OVER, BABY.

[ CHUCKLES ]

SO, YOU GUYS MUST'VE HAD QUITE

A NIGHT LAST NIGHT, HUH?

WHAT? HUH?

WHY WOULD YOU SAY THAT?

NO REASON.

I MEAN, WE NEVER HEARD YOU COME

IN, AND I HAD TO TAKE THE KIDS

OVER TO TIFFANY AND DESMOND'S,

BECAUSE JAZMINE COULDN'T WAKE

JANINE UP.

OH, YEAH, WELL, I GOT UP

EARLY.

YEAH, I LEFT.

I WENT FOR A RUN.

I DON'T KNOW WHY JANINE WAS

SLEEPING LATE, BECAUSE, YOU

KNOW, WE DON'T ALWAYS DO STUFF

TOGETHER.

YOU KNOW, AIN'T LIKE WE MARRIED

OR NOTHING, BECAUSE --

YOU KNOW WHAT I'M SAYING?

THERE SHE GO.

OKAY.

SO, HOW WAS IT?

HOW WAS WHAT?

HOW WAS WHAT?

PARTY.

OH.

YOU TALKING ABOUT THE PARTY.

PARTY WAS -- IT WAS OKAY.

YOU KNOW, I MEAN, I'VE BEEN TO

BETTER PARTIES, YOU KNOW?

RIGHT.

NOT MUCH TO TALK ABOUT AT ALL.

THAT'S RIGHT.

OK, WHAT IS WRONG WITH

YOU TWO?

NOTHING.

UM, I'M SWEATY.

I'M GONNA GO -- I'M GONNA GO

TAKE A SHOWER.

I'M GONNA GO GET SOME COFFEE.

YEAH.

OH, YOU'RE GONNA GO, TOO?

NOW, SOMETHING IS GOING ON

WITH THOSE TWO.

YEAH, I KNOW.

THEY WERE ACTING REAL STRANGE.

I BET YOU I KNOW WHAT IT IS.

YOU THINK THEY --

Together: YEAH-H-H-H.

UHH!

JANINE!

C.J.!

HUH?

WHAT?

WHAT'S GOING ON?

WHAT'S UP?

JANINE, I NEED TO TALK

TO YOU.

AND I NEED TO TALK TO YOU.

YEAH, WELL, I WAS ABOUT TO

TAKE A SHOWER.

OVER TO THE FIREHOUSE NOW.

BUT I DON'T WANT TO GO TO --

NOW!

I WANTED TO TAKE A SHOWER.

OH, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO,

NO, NO, NO, DEAR.

WHERE ARE YOU GOING?

I WAS GONNA GO AND FINISH

MY COFFEE.

NO. COME ON, DARLING.

HAVE A SEAT.

SO, IS -- IS EVERYTHING

ALL RIGHT?

OH, EVERYTHING IS EVERYTHING.

HELLO!

HOODY-HOO.

COME ON IN, GIRL.

OH, JANINE.

TELL ME ALL ABOUT IT.

I DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU'RE

TALKING ABOUT.

HA. LAST NIGHT, JANINE.

UH-HUH.

DID YOU AND C.J., YOU KNOW...

NO, I-I DON'T KNOW.

OH, YOU KNOW.

DID THE TWO OF YOU DO THE DO?

HOW DO YOU KNOW?

AH! SO IT'S TRUE!

I KNEW IT.

OH!

WHEN I SAW THEM STUMBLING IN

LAST NIGHT, I SAID TO MYSELF,

"SOMEBODY'S GETTIN' BUSY

TONIGHT."

JANINE, YOU ARE NOT SUPPOSED

TO BE DRINKING.

AND I DIDN'T.

C.J. DID, OKAY?

AND THEN AFTER THE PARTY,

WE CAME BACK HERE AND...

WAS IT GOOD?

[ STAMMERING ]

DON'T ANSWER THAT.

DON'T ANSWER THAT.

IT WAS BETTER THAN GOOD,

GIRL -- IT WAS GREAT.

OH!

AAH!

I TOLD YOU NOT TO ANSWER THAT.

OH!

SO ARE YOU TWO A COUPLE AGAIN?

NO. NO.

Y'ALL JUST DOING IT?

MISS ELLA, WE -- WE DIDN'T

PLAN FOR IT TO HAPPEN, OKAY?

IT JUST HAPPENED.

AND DID I MENTION IT WAS GOOD?

WAIT, WAIT, WAIT, WAIT,

WAIT, WAIT, WAIT, WAIT.

JANINE, I DON'T WANT THE

CHILDREN TO GET CONFUSED

ABOUT THIS.

AND DON'T CONFUSE ME.

I WANT THE DETAILS.

LEAVE NOTHING OUT.

DON'T ANSWER THAT.

DON'T SAY ANYTHING ELSE

ABOUT THIS.

PLEASE.

I CAN'T TAKE IT.

ELLA, PLEASE LEAVE THE ROOM.

I'VE BEEN DEALING WITH OLD FOLKS

FOR MONTHS.

I NEED SOME YOUNG DETAILS.

COME ON, GIMME A LITTLE.

IT STARTED WHILE WE WERE

AT THE PARTY --

AAH!

DON'T TALK ABOUT IT UNTIL

I LEAVE.

WHILE WE WERE AT THE PARTY --

SPEAK UP!

OKAY, WHAT? WHAT?

WE WERE AT THE PARTY AND ALL

OF A SUDDEN, YOU KNOW, HE JUST

LEANED OVER AND HE KISSED ME.

C.J., YOU ARE NOT ABOUT TO

TELL ME THAT YOU AND JANINE...

YEAH, YEAH.

WE -- WE DID.

UHH!

WAS YOU DRUNK?

RIPPED.

OH, YOU WERE DRUNK.

SO MAYBE IT DIDN'T REALLY

HAPPEN.

OH, IT HAPPENED.

WELL, HOW CAN YOU BE SURE?

IT WAS AMAZING.

THAT'S BECAUSE YOU WAS DRUNK!

I DON'T KNOW.

I'M TELLING YOU, MAN --

IT REALLY WAS AMAZING.

NO, IT WAS NOT.

YOU --

IT WAS NOT AMAZING!

STOP SAYING THAT, OKAY?

NOW, STOP IT.

SIT DOWN.

I DON'T KNOW, C.J. -- YOU AND

JANINE BACK TOGETHER, MAN.

NO. NO.

NO, WE'RE NOT.

WE'RE NOT GETTING BACK TOGETHER.

AS A MATTER OF FACT, WHEN I WAS

RUNNING, I WAS TRYING TO THINK

OF A WAY TO, LIKE, LET HER DOWN

GENTLY, YOU KNOW, 'CAUSE --

I MEAN, YOU KNOW JANINE.

SHE'S GONNA TRY TO READ

SOMETHING ELSE INTO IT,

MAKE MORE OF IT THAN IT IS.

WELL, YOU KNOW WHAT?

YOU SHOULD'VE THOUGHT ABOUT THAT

BEFORE YOU DID WHAT YOU DID.

THIS IS BAD, C.J.

THIS IS REALLY BAD.

YEAH, I THINK...I'LL PROBABLY

HAVE TO MOVE OUT.

OH-OH?

OH-OH OH-OH?

MOVE OUT?

OKAY.

OKAY, WELL...WELL, MAYBE --

MAYBE IT'S NOT AS BAD AS I

THOUGHT IT WAS.

WHATEVER YOU SAY TO HER,

PLEASE, BE EASY.

YOU DON'T WANT HER RELAPSING.

JANINE BACK ON DRUGS?

HELL, NO!

I'M NOT GOING THROUGH THAT

AGAIN.

OKAY, I GOT IT.

I GOT IT.

DON'T SAY NOTHING.

DON'T SAY NOTHING, OKAY?

IF SHE WANTS TO THINK THAT YOU

TWO ARE GETTING BACK TOGETHER,

THEN YOU JUST LET HER THINK

THAT.

YOU PLAY RIGHT ALONG WITH IT.

OH, THIS IS TOO MUCH, MAN.

I'M GONNA GO FOR ANOTHER JOG.

I'LL TALK TO Y'ALL LATER.

BOY FOLDING UNDER PRESSURE.

DID YOU PUT THIS ON MY DESK?

NO.

MAYBE THE OTHER GUYS DID IT.

AAH!

WHAT IS IT?

WHAT IS IT?

WHAT THE HELL?

IT'S A DEAD FISH!

"IF YOU DON'T STOP SLEEPING

WITH MY WIFE, YOU'LL BE SLEEPING

WITH THE FISH."

WHAT THE HECK IS THAT?

COME ON, POP.

IF YOU CHEATING ON MOM,

JUST TELL ME.

I WON'T GET UPSET, I PROMISE.

SHUT UP, CALVIN.

YEAH, I'M CHEATING ON YOUR MOM.

W-- WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT?

YOU DON'T DESERVE HER.

YOU DON'T DESERVE HER!

GET YOUR BUTT AWAY FROM ME.

WRONG WITH YOU?

I'M NOT SLEEPING ON YOUR MOTHER.

I'M NOT CHEATING ON HER.

I JUST TOLD YOU THAT.

OH.

WELL, THEN, JUST DON'T LISTEN

TO ANYTHING I SAID.

[ CHUCKLES ]

LOVE YOU.

WHOO!

BE RIGHT OUT.

HUH. HEY.

HEY.

OH, MAN.

OH, I'M GLAD YOU'RE HERE.

I THOUGHT YOU WENT FOR A RUN

EARLIER.

YEAH, YEAH, I DID, BUT...

I-I HAD A LOT ON MY MIND,

SO I RAN SOME MORE.

I'M SURPRISED YOU HAVE ANY

ENERGY LEFT AFTER LAST NIGHT.

YEAH.

HA HA, YEAH, YEAH.

YEAH, I WAS -- I WAS GOOD.

THAT WAS GOOD.

YOU WERE ALL RIGHT.

WE'VE BEEN THROUGH --

WE'VE BEEN THROUGH A LOT,

YOU KNOW, AND... IT'S HARD --

IT'S -- IT'S HARD FOR ME

TO SAY THIS TO YOU.

I CARE ABOUT YOUR FEELINGS, YOU

KNOW, AND, UM...I DON'T WANT

LAST NIGHT TO MEAN THAT WE'RE

BACK TOGETHER.

OH.

C.J...

IT'S OKAY.

JANINE, LOOK, LAST NIGHT,

IT WAS -- IT WAS GREAT.

IT WAS GREAT.

IT WAS GREAT FOR ME.

IT WAS GREAT FOR YOU, RIGHT?

BUT...

LAST NIGHT WAS LAST NIGHT.

TODAY IS TODAY.

TOMORROW IS TOMORROW.

THAT'S RIGHT.

THAT'S RIGHT.

THAT'S -- THAT'S -- THAT'S ALL

I WANTED TO SAY.

I JUST WANTED TO MAKE SURE THAT

WE WAS ON THE SAME PAGE.

OKAY.

OKAY.

YOU -- YOU OKAY?

YEAH.

YEAH, I'M -- I'M COOL.

YOU -- YOU ALL RIGHT?

HEY, LIKE OTHER SIDE OF

THE PILLOW, BABY -- I'M GOOD.

I'M GLAD YOU OKAY.

I'M GOOD, I'M GOOD.

THIS IS ACTUALLY GREAT, BECAUSE

I HAVE A LUNCH DATE.

I'LL SEE YOU LATER, OKAY?

[ DOOR CLOSES ]

[ COUGHING ]

HEY, C.J.

HEY.

SO, HOW DID YOUR TALK

WITH JANINE GO?

OH, IT, UM...

IT WENT GREAT.

IT WENT GREAT.

OH, OH, SO YOU LET HER

DOWN EASY.

HEY.

YOU KNOW HOW I DO. HA!

YOU KNOW WHAT I'M SAYING?

I CARE ABOUT PEOPLE'S FEELINGS,

YOU KNOW, SO I GAVE IT TO HER,

YOU KNOW, SMOOTH.

SO, WHAT'D YOU SAY?

I SAID, UM..."JANINE,

STRAIGHT UP AND DOWN, HA HA.

LOOK HERE.

DON'T GET IT TWISTED."

[ CHUCKLES ]

"I KNOW YOU LOVE ME.

YOU FEEL ME?"

THAT'S WHAT YOU SAID?

OH, YEAH. YEAH.

"I KNOW HOW YOU FEEL,

YOU KNOW WHAT I'M SAYING?

BUT I'M A PLAYER."

OH, HELLO.

HA HA.

HELLO.

"YOU KNOW WHAT I'M SAYING.

AND PLAYERS GOT TO PLAY.

YOU FEEL ME?

YOU KNOW WHAT I'M SAYING?

I DON'T WANT YOU TO GET IT ALL

CONFUSED AND EVERYTHING, YOU

KNOW, BECAUSE WE DID WHAT WE

DID, BUT LOOK HERE.

IT AIN'T GONNA HAPPEN."

WHOO!

"SO LET IT GO."

WHOO!

YOU DROPPED A BOMB LIKE THAT,

PLAYER?

POP MY OWN COLLAR.

POP YOUR OWN.

HA HA!

AIN'T NOBODY ELSE GONNA POP

IT FOR YOU.

[ LAUGHS ]

GOT TO POP IT YOURSELF.

HEY, HEY, MAN.

WE JUST SAW JANINE GET IN

THE CAR WITH SOME GUY.

NO, SHE PROBABLY WENT TO,

LIKE, A PTA MEETING OR

SOMETHING.

PTA -- SHE WENT TO A PTA?

FOR THE KIDS AT THE SCHOOL.

OKAY.

WELL, YOU KNOW WHAT "PTA"

STANDS FOR.

WHAT'S THAT?

PAT THAT ASS.

WATCH OUT, PLAYER.

WATCH OUT, NOW.

[ THUD ]

[ VEHICLE DEPARTS ]

UHH!

CURTIS, WAIT, WAIT, WAIT.

WHAT ARE YOU HIDING?

LET ME SEE.

NO, BABY, GO ON, GO ON.

LET ME --

GO.

WILL YOU GO?

LET ME SEE IT.

NO.

LET YOU SEE FOR WHAT?

CURTIS, COME ON, BABY.

WHY YOU GOT TO SEE EVERYTHING

ALL THE TIME?

WHY YOU GOT TO --

AAH! AAH!

CURTIS, WHAT IS THIS?

AN EYEBALL.

[ GASPS ]

"I GOT MY EYE ON YOU."

CURTIS, OKAY, WAIT, WAIT,

WAIT, WAIT.

WHO WOULD SEND THIS?

I GUESS SOMEBODY WALKING

AROUND WITH ONE EYE.

CURTIS, THIS IS AN EYEBALL.

SOME GUY BEEN CALLING,

CALLING THE HOUSE AND LEAVING ME

DEAD FISH.

WHY WOULD SOMEBODY SEND YOU

DEAD FISH AND AN EYEBALL?

HE THINK I'M CHEATING

WITH HIS WIFE.

CURTIS, WHO IS HE AND --

CHEATING WITH WHAT WIFE?

I DON'T KNOW WHO HE IS, ELLA.

ALL I KNOW IS THE MAN KNOW MY --

MY PHONE NUMBER WHERE I WORK

AND WHERE I LIVE.

HEY.

HEY.

SO, HOW WAS YOUR LUNCH DATE?

IT WAS NICE.

SEE? SEE?

I TOLD YOU SHE WENT ON A DATE.

I TOLD YOU.

CALVIN, CAN YOU GIVE US

A MOMENT?

OH, OKAY.

I'LL BE IN THE KITCHEN,

LISTENING, SO MAKE SURE YOU

SPEAK UP AND ENUNCIATE.

C.J., LAST -- LAST NIGHT

WAS A MISTAKE, AND IT

SHOULD'VE NEVER HAPPENED.

YOU'RE RIGHT.

AND, UM, YOU HAVING DRANK

TOO MUCH, I SHOULD'VE BEEN

THE RESPONSIBLE ONE, BUT...

I-I JUST MISSED BEING WITH YOU.

AS LONG AS WE KNOW THAT NOW,

THAT CAN NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.

I AGREE.

Psst.

C.J.

C.J.!

[ KNOCKING ]

EVERY TIME A GIRL SAY THEY COULD

NEVER DO IT AGAIN, IT ALWAYS

HAPPEN AGAIN.

Together: SHUT UP, CALVIN.

SO...I GUESS YOU DON'T MIND

IF I CALL TANYA FROM THE PARTY?

NO. NO.

DO YOU, C.J.

I'M SEEING SOMEONE FROM WORK,

SO --

[ LAUGHS ]

YEAH, YOU'RE RIGHT, C.J.

GET OVER IT.

[ POUNDING ON DOOR ]

ELLA, DON'T ANSWER.

YOU AIN'T GOT TO ANSWER.

IT MIGHT BE HIM.

CURTIS, HIM WHO?

ELLA!

HEY, I CAN HEAR YOU

IN THERE.

OPEN THIS DOOR, YOU JERK.

WHO YOU CALLING A JERK?

QUIT BANGING ON MY DOOR.

I DON'T EVEN KNOW YOU, MAN.

YOU KNOW MY WIFE.

NOW GET OUT HERE AND FACE ME

LIKE A MAN.

[ POUNDING ON DOOR ]

HE SOUND HUGE!

CURTIS...

ONE MOMENT.

I GOT IT.

WHERE'S MY BAT?

CURTIS, I DON'T KNOW.

ONE MINUTE.

[ BREATHING HEAVILY ]

YAAAAAH!

WHAT -- WHAT --

I'VE BEEN PUNKED.

I'VE BEEN PUNKED.

HEY, ASH-- WHERE ASHTON?

COME ON OUT, ASHTON.

WE BEEN -- THEY GOT

KIRK FRANKLIN -- HA HA!

CURTIS.

WHAT?

YOU WORK OUT?

I AIN'T PLAYING NO GAMES

WITH YOU.

KEEP SEEING MY WIFE,

I'M GONNA KILL YOU.

SIR.

WHO ARE YOU?

WAIT A MINUTE, WAIT A MINUTE,

WAIT A MINUTE.

SOMEBODY PLEASE EXPLAIN TO ME

WHY YOUR PHONE NUMBER'S SHOWING

UP ON MY WIFE'S BILL OVER

100 TIMES.

WAIT.

AND WHY HER CAR IS ALWAYS

OUTSIDE THE FIREHOUSE.

IS IT?

CAN YOU EXPLAIN THAT?

HE SAID "FAMILY."

[ LAUGHTER ]

THAT'S NOT FUNNY.

THAT'S NOT FUNNY.

WHAT? WHAT?

I DIDN'T REALIZE WE HAD COMPANY.

YOU MUST BE ONE OF MALIK'S

FRIENDS.

I'M CALVIN.

CALVIN.

WAIT A MINUTE.

YOU'RE CALVIN.

MM-HMM. IN THE FLESH.

WELL, THEN, WHO ARE YOU?

THAT'S MY DAD.

SO YOU'RE THE ONE THAT'S BEEN

SEEING LESLIE.

YOU MEAN BIG, TALL,

6-FOOT LESLIE?

YEAH.

WHOO, THAT GIRL, I TELL YOU.

HOW YOU KNOW LESLIE?

BECAUSE THAT'S MY WIFE!

IS THAT THE FAMILY RIGHT

THERE?

IS THAT THE FAMILY?

WAIT A MINUTE.

SIT DOWN.

WAIT A MINUTE. SIR.

WAIT!

CAN I GET YOUR AUTOGRAPH, KIRK?

HEY, KIRK, I WANT TO GET

YOUR AUTO-- KIRK!