All language subtitles for Tyler Perrys House of Payne - S01E33 - Heavy Petting WEBDL-1080p_track3_[eng]

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Original subtitles

C.J.: [ laughs ]

Yeah.

Ooh, girl, you know, every time

You say that, when you say that

To me, oh, man, I get excited.

You're so sexy!

Oh, you so sexy.

You give me goose bumps.

I get goose bumps all up and

Down my arm, down my leg every

Time you say that.

And you know, you be whispering

In my ear and you talking about

The goose bumps, the hairs on

The back of my neck -- oh, yeah,

I would love to go to a picnic,

But I don't really do picnics

At lake lanier.

Curtis: who's that?

Teresa?

C.J.: no.

I don't know no teresa.

No, isn't nobody.

That's just uncle curtis

Playing.

I don't know no teresa.

I don't know no teresa.

Can you hold on for a second?

The phone is ringing.

Hold on for a second!

Hello.

Janine?

Uh, yeah, she's here.

Hold on one second, okay, I'm on

The other line.

All right.

Aunt ella!

Ella: coming.

Curtis: hey.

Hey, hey, baby.

Uh, I got to call you back.

My ex-wife is on the other line.

Yeah.

No, she didn't call for me.

Uh-uh.

She called for aunt ella.

Uh-huh.

I'm gonna call you back.

I'm gonna call you -- I'm gonna

Call you back.

I'm gonna call you right back.

Baby, I'm gonna call you back,

Baby.

Baby, I'm gonna call you.

I'm gonna call you back.

Damn!

Ella: you need to fix that.

Hello.

Hey, janine.

Yeah, baby, um...

Okay.

Well, you know, well, listen, I

Tell you what.

I'll see what I can do.

Yes, I'll see.

Yeah, what I can do.

Yes, I will. Okay.

All right, baby.

All right, bye.

Oh.

C.J.: I don't care what's

Going on with her.

I don't want to know anything.

All I want to know is that me

And nicole want to go to lake

Lanier and I want to know if you

Will watch the kids for me.

Curtis: yeah, we'll watch

Them walk to the lake with you.

Ella: come on, curtis.

Now, you know c.J. And nicole

Want to be alone.

Curtis: so do I.

Ella: we will watch your

Kids.

Go on, I hear the lake is

Beautiful this time of year.

C.J.: oh, thank you, auntie.

Ella: have fun.

We'll be fine.

C.J.: thank you.

Ella: wait, wait, wait.

C.J., I don't mean to pry, I

Really don't, but janine just

Wanted to know if you would come

With the kids to family night at

The rehab center.

Curtis: hey, c.J., if you

Gonna go, you need to go early.

You know, they start visiting

Hours at the crack of dawn.

[ laughs ]

At the crack --

[ laughing ]

At the --

[ laughing ]

Lord, forgive me.

Lord, forgive...

Jesus wept.

C.J.: uncle curtis, why every

Time somebody mentions janine,

You want to tell a crack joke?

Curtis: I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

It's just that...

She cracks me up, c.J.

She crack me up!

[ laughs ]

Come on, baby, that's funny!

Lord, forgive me!

Jesus wept.

C.J.: look, aunt ella, I

Don't plan to go by there and

See her, none of that.

We don't even know if she's

Gonna stay in rehab.

That's why I haven't told the

Kids.

And I'd appreciate it if you

Don't mention it to them, all

Right?

Ella: I won't say a word.

C.J.: thank you. Thank you.

Uncle curtis?

Curtis: what?

I isn't gonna say nothing.

You don't worry about me.

I won't talk about her.

I will not crack my lips.

I did it again!

I didn't mean to do it that

Time.

I didn't mean to do it.

Oh, jesus.

Okay, okay, no more wisecracks.

Stop it!

C.J.: the woman has problems.

We're trying to deal with it.

Curtis: okay, we dealing with

It.

Just leave the door cracked.

Leave the door cracked.

C.J.: ooh, you look good.

You look so that brown skin

Against that peach...

Jazmine: hey, daddy, may we

Please have tacos for lunch?

C.J.: uh...

Yes. Yes, baby, you can.

Jazmine: thanks, daddy.

C.J.: you need to wear that

Pink dress, too.

Oh, the yellow shorts?

You need to wear the yellow

Shorts, girl, 'cause, uh --

Baby, yeah.

Jazmine: and can tiffany come

Over?

C.J.: yeah. Yeah.

Whatever aunt ella and

Uncle curtis say, but I'm having

A conversation right now, baby,

Okay?

So I need you to go and ask

Aunt ella and uncle curtis,

Okay?

Whatever they say, baby.

Jazmine: okay.

C.J.: yeah, I was just

Talking to my daughter, you

Know, jazmine.

Yeah.

Jazmine? My daughter?

Yeah.

Well, you can call me daddy,

Too.

Yeah, I'd like it if you call me

Daddy.

That'd be real nice.

Jazmine: okay, right now, I

Know that he's totally

Distracted, so do you want me to

Ask him?

Malik: I think he's still

Gonna say no, but go ahead.

C.J.: no, no.

I agree totally.

Uh-huh. Yeah.

Jazmine: daddy, daddy, daddy,

Daddy, can we have a dog?

Can we have a dog?

Can we have a dog?

C.J.: jazmine.

Jazmine!

Whatever aunt ella and

Uncle curtis say is fine with

Me.

If it's fine with them, it's

Fine with me, okay?

And you don't have no more

Sugar, all right, baby?

No sugar!

All right?

Yeah, that's just my daughter

Again.

Yeah, uh-huh. Yeah.

You heard her call me daddy?

I like it when you call me

Daddy.

Malik: daddy, daddy, daddy,

Daddy, daddy.

Uh, can I have a hummer, daddy?

[ giggles ]

C.J.: [ giggles mockingly ]

Get out of here, boy.

Yeah. My son done went crazy.

Jazmine: you ask them.

Malik: no, you ask them.

Jazmine: no, I asked daddy.

Curtis: okay, start walking

Or start talking.

Y'all interrupted me and your

Auntie's quiet time.

Malik: well, dad said we

Could have a dog if it's okay

With you.

Jazmine: yeah.

Curtis: of course you can

Have a dog.

Malik: okay!

Curtis: if it comes with a

House.

[ laughs ]

Then you have a house and a dog.

Hell, it'll be the dog house of

Payne.

[ laughs ]

Have a dog.

Get out of here.

No, you can't have no dog.

Jazmine: uncle curtis, daddy

Said that you had a dog named

Stinky.

Curtis: baby, stinky wasn't

Just a dog.

Stinky was a best friend.

Ella: just at least think

About it.

Malik: yeah, come on,

Uncle curtis.

Please.

Curtis: okay, okay, let me

Think about it.

I'll think about it.

No.

Ella: curtis, think again.

Malik: yeah, come on,

Uncle curtis.

Curtis: okay.

Let's pray about it, baby.

Everybody close your eyes.

How I look?

Ella: open the door, baby.

C.J.: ooh! Mm-mmm!

Nicole: you like?

C.J.: yes!

Nicole: just a little

Something-something I threw on.

Ella: oh, looks like a little

Nothing-nothing.

[ telephone rings ]

Hello.

Hey, janine.

No, baby, it's okay that you've

Called again, no, no, no.

C.J.: uh, we should go.

Nicole: yeah. Yeah.

Wait.

When she said janine, is she

Talking about your ex-wife?

C.J.: yes. Now let's go.

Nicole: okay, but... So she's

Back in the picture?

C.J.: no. There's no picture.

Ella: yes, yes, yes.

You know what, I can bring those

Pictures down.

I do have them.

Nicole: okay, maybe we

Shouldn't go.

C.J.: listen, nicole, you

Don't have anything to worry

About-- trust me.

All you need to worry about is

Me and you and whatever you got

In this basket.

Ella: oh, we all miss you!

Yes!

We all love you!

We do.

We support you.

C.J.: that's such a nice

Basket.

That basket is so nice.

What you got in this basket?

Nicole: well, I've got

Strawberries and wine and

Chicken and biscuits and honey.

C.J.: and biscuits.

Ella: yes, he is allergic to

Strawberries.

I know!

Okay, baby.

Okay. Bye-bye.

All right, love you.

Curtis: no dog, no dog,

No dog!

No dog!

Jazmine: please,

Uncle curtis, come on.

Curtis: get away from me.

Get off me.

Jazmine: uncle curtis.

Hey, paris hilton has a dog.

And oprah, she has lots of dogs.

Malik: yeah, and snoop dogg

Likes dogs so much, he's named

After one.

Jazmine: yeah.

Curtis: you know what all

Those people have in common?

They have a house...

With jobs.

Well, maybe not paris.

No. No dogs. That's it.

Jazmine: miss jameson, did

You have a dog when you were

Growing up?

Nicole: I did.

It was just a little dog.

Jazmine: see?

That's all I want.

Malik: well, I want a big

Dog.

Jazmine: small dog.

Malik: big dog.

Jazmine: small dog!

Curtis: hush! Hush! Stop it!

Enough! Enough.

I don't care how you look at me,

You isn't getting no dog.

No dog, nada, none, uh-uh.

Pick one.

Malik: man, I'm out of here.

Jazmine: me, too.

Curtis: bye.

Ella: curtis, please tell me

You saw the dog pictures on the

Bedroom door.

Curtis: please.

I took them down.

Ella: okay, what about the

Refrigerator?

Curtis: took those down, too.

Ella: curtis, have you

Noticed that the tv is always

On that pet channel?

Curtis: baby, why do you

Think I turned it off?

Ella: you'd think they'd just

Give up by now.

Curtis: you would think that.

And look at this.

This was in my lunch pail.

Ella: no.

This is too cute!

Curtis: is that ridiculous?

Ella: curtis.

Well, at least they are

Persistent.

Curtis: yeah, whatever.

I'm about to put an end to all

Of this.

Curtis: jazmine! Malik!

Come here.

Hello.

Jazmine: hi.

Curtis: me and your auntie

Have discussed it and we've

Decided to let you have a dog.

Malik: for real?

Jazmine: yay!

Curtis: let me do this.

Okay.

Get the leash on him.

[ barking ]

[ laughs ]

There you go.

Jazmine: but that's just my

Ball.

Curtis: no, baby, this is a

Play dog.

You treat this one right, then

You can have a real dog.

Jazmine: but it doesn't even

Look like a dog.

Curtis: are you even looking

At it?

Look at it.

Look at how cute.

It got the eyes.

Look at them eyes.

Look at the tongue.

See how the tongue's sticking

Out.

I know it's wet and nasty, isn't

It?

Look at the tail.

Malik: come on, uncle curtis,

How long are we gonna have to do

This?

Curtis: until I'm convinced

That you can take care of him.

Ella: let's choose a name.

Malik: oh, I got one.

I got one.

Uh, stupid idea.

Jazmine: great name.

Curtis: that's not a great

Name, malik.

Jazmine: I know!

Let's name him rollee.

Curtis: oh, that's a good

Name.

Rollee. Look at rollee.

That's a good name.

Don't kick rollee!

What you doing?

Come on, baby.

Jazmine: stay.

Curtis: see, he listened

To you.

Jazmine: come here, rollee.

Come on!

Over here, rollee.

Come on, come on, rollee.

Come on.

Curtis: you're talking to his

Tail.

Jazmine: come on, rollee.

Come on, rollee, come on.

He's not rolling.

Malik: let me try.

Come here, stupid idea.

Come here.

Curtis: malik.

Malik: come here, rollee.

Come on, rollee.

Come here. Come here.

He not doing nothing.

Curtis: calm down.

I see him getting mad.

Uh! Bam!

There -- dogs gone wild. Boom!

Ella: curtis!

Curtis: come on!

Ella: curtis! Curtis!

Curtis: baby, help me!

Ella: curtis, get off him.

Look out, malik! Curtis!

C.J.: for the last time, I'm

Telling you, stacey is an old

Friend.

Nicole: yeah, right. So she

Just happened to show up at the

Lake the same time as you, huh?

C.J.: yeah.

Nicole: c.J., I am not

Stupid, okay?

I mean, every time I turn my

Head, one of your little exes

Is popping up.

C.J.: she's not an ex.

She's an old friend.

Nicole: and what about

Janine, hmm?

C.J.: what about janine?

Nicole: she's calling the

House.

She's trying to weasel her way

Back into your life.

I see it, I see it.

C.J.: she's not calling the

House for me.

She's calling for my aunt.

Nicole: so did you ever take

Janine to the lake with you,

Hmm?

C.J.: no.

Nicole: yeah, right.

C.J.: look, this paranoid

Thing you got going on is

Getting old, baby, all right?

There's no one else.

Nicole: no, c.J., I am not

Paranoid, okay?

I've just had too many men run

Game on me, and so I know what's

Going on.

C.J.: look, you can't hold me

Responsible for things that

Other men have done to you, all

Right?

Nicole: yes, I can because

You're all alike, okay?

No matter what happens, they all

End up cheating on me and then

Walking out.

C.J.: well, I don't do the

Cheating part, but I can walk

Out.

Nicole: wait, c.J.

Curtis: jazmine! Malik!

What did I tell you two about

Having the dog on the couch?

Malik: come on, uncle curtis,

It's just a ball.

Curtis: get the dog off the

Couch.

Did you feed the dog?

Malik: come on, uncle curtis,

Don't you think you're taking

This way too far?

Curtis: the dog got to eat,

Too.

You got to eat, don't you?

The dog got to eat.

Jazmine: well, we don't have

Any dog food.

Curtis: well, then give the

Dog some of your hot dog.

Malik: well, you know, I

Guess it's just a dog eat dog

World, right?

Curtis: I know you better

Watch your tone.

I know that.

Take that bass out your voice.

Ella: malik, jazmine -- if

You don't get that -- this is

Getting ridiculous.

Stop that, girl.

Get this hot dog up.

I'm not cleaning up this,

Curtis.

Jazmine: I think he's full.

Ella: scoot over, jazmine.

Malik: come on, uncle curtis.

Stop with the stupid ball

Already.

Curtis: look, now you two

Wanted a dog, you got a dog.

Now you got to be nice to the

Dog.

Malik: he doesn't do

Anything.

I mean, he doesn't bark, he

Doesn't do tricks.

Curtis: you ought to be happy

He don't bark.

And you think a dog is just

Born doing tricks?

Come on, rollee, come on.

You got to teach rollee tricks.

Rollee knows when you don't love

Him.

A dog is sensitive.

They can feel it when you don't

Love them.

You got him on the couch like

He's some orphan or something.

I'm surprised he isn't peeing

All over everything.

Here.

Now you get to take the dog and

You gonna talk to the dog and

You gonna love the dog and you

Gonna take the dog for a walk.

Malik: come on, uncle curtis,

Don't make me do this.

Curtis: you gonna do it.

Take the dog.

Now show the dog some love!

Malik: hello, stupid idea.

I mean, hi, rollee.

I mean...

Oh, what is that you say,

Rollee?

You're just a ball?

No, rollee, you're not just a

Ball.

Come on.

You're our dog.

You're rollee.

Come on, rollee.

Yeah, you're part of the family.

You know what?

I think I'm gonna take him for

His walk now.

Come on, rollee.

Jazmine: ahh!

[ tires screech ]

[ horn honks ]

Oh!

[ crying ]

Ella: jazmine!

Curtis: he killed the dog!

Ella: curtis, go.

The car done hit the dog.

Ella!

Curtis: [ humming a hymn ]

You may be seated.

Not you all.

The congregation.

Ella: [ laughs ]

Curtis: will you stop

Laughing at the funeral?

Stand up.

Come over here.

Now, y'all gonna pay rollee some

Respect.

Rollee was a good dog...

Didn't bark much, never ate up

Anybody's food...

Ella: [ hums loudly ]

Curtis: always had bounce in

His step...

Was full of hot air...

Ella: ooh ooh!

He not the only one.

Curtis: we gonna miss you,

Rollee!

Ella: yes.

Curtis: sister jazmine, would

You please put the flowers on

The box.

Oh, lord!

Thank you.

You're the pallbearer.

Pick up the casket.

Baby, would you do the honors

And please open the site, the

Trash can.

Rubber to rubber -- I didn't say

Throw him in there yet!

Ella: careful, careful.

Curtis: be quiet, be still.

Y'all wrecking my nerves right

Now.

Rubber to rubber, trash to

Trash.

Please lay the -- you may lay

The body in the casket -- in

The ground.

Oh, that little dog!

Take me with him!

Ella: curtis.

Curtis, wait a minute.

Curtis: no, let me go with

Him!

Ella: curtis, wait.

Look, look, look, baby.

Curtis: oh, let me go!

My baby, my baby!

[ playing "Taps" ]

Ella: unh-unh.

Curtis: [ laughs ]

**

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