Original subtitles

Malik: oh.

Hey, jazmine.

What's up?

Don't mind me, okay?

I'm not even here.

Can't you color with more

Flavor than that?

Jazmine: what do you want me

To do -- color with my feet?

Malik: yeah. Can you?

Jazmine: no!

Now go away.

I'm running low on crayons and

Patience.

Malik: come on, why y'all

Giving me wack footage?

My class is gonna go to sleep

On this.

Curtis: hey, baby, I ordered

My pizza.

Ella: okay.

Malik: oh! Hey, uncle curtis.

Um, could you go back out and

Then come back in?

And say the same line, but this

Time, you know, project your

Voice, okay?

Just...

Curtis: boy, if you don't get

Away from me -- get off of me.

Malik: uncle curtis, I'm not

Even here, okay?

I'm not here.

Ooh.

Why you always pushing me?

Curtis: I didn't push you.

You're not here, remember?

Malik: I mean, how am I

Supposed to do my homework if

Y'all keep kicking me to the

Curb?

Curtis: it's easy.

Just name it, "Malik payne gets

Kicked to the curb."

Baby, you got some cash?

I ain't got no money on me.

Ella: no.

Curtis: that means I got to

Go to the bank.

I'll be back, getting my wallet.

Malik: can I go with you to

The bank?

I can film you getting some

Money.

Curtis: no, I don't want your

Classmates to know how rich we

Are.

Jazmine: [ laughs ]

Ella: jazmine.

Jazmine: uh...I mean, ha!

My masterpiece is done.

Ella: okay, curtis.

Baby, why can't you just go down

The street to the atm?

Why do you have to go all the

Way to the bank?

Curtis: 'cause the atm only

Dispenses $20s.

Ella: curtis, just get a $20

And stop being so cheap.

Curtis: I'm not cheap, ella.

I'm wise.

If I get a $20, that means I got

An extra $5.

Ella: get this.

Curtis: you see

What I'm saying?

If I got an extra $5,

That means I got to get some

Breadsticks.

Ella: well!

Curtis: then I got to get

Hot wings.

Huh?

And if I get hot wings, I got to

Get some soda pop to wash it

Down.

Ella: zoom in.

Curtis: you hear me?

So, that's why, if I do that,

I'm gonna spend more than $20.

Ella: yeah.

Curtis: so, not only am I

Saving money...

Ella: take it up!

Curtis: I'm saving...

* calories *

Yes!

Ella: blam!

Jazmine: well, if you ask me,

You should have stopped taking

Out $20s a long time ago.

Ella: oh!

Curtis: ha ha.

* didn't nobody ask you *

Curtis: how you doing, baby?

Hold on.

Hey, partner.

Hey, what you doing, man?

It's 5:59, doc.

5:59, man.

Come on.

Come on, brother.

Thank you, man.

Where the short line?

Short...

Man, these lines are ridiculous!

Yeah, tell me about it.

Curtis: hey, y'know, I forgot

It was the first of the month.

You know half the people in

Here today ain't even got

Checking accounts in this bank.

Yeah, I know.

I mean, what's wrong?

Liquor store's not open today?

Curtis: [ laughs ]

That's a good one, man.

That's a good one, that's funny.

You got that wit.

All right. Thank you, man.

Curtis: oh, I'm curtis, by

The way.

Charles.

Curtis: charles.

Yeah, good to meet you.

Yeah, same here, same here.

Curtis: it taking so long,

I'm probably gonna grow a beard

By the time I get up to the

Teller.

Yeah, well, you know, first

Of the month, it's always busy.

That's why the banks are at

Their highest cash capacity.

They got to distribute all the

Funds to these consumers.

Curtis: oh, okay.

How you know all that, man?

You work for a bank or

Something?

Oh, no, no, no.

I just like the money.

Curtis: I hear that.

I like the money, too.

I won't even go to an atm to get

My money.

No, I come right to the bank.

I want to see the teller.

I want her to look me in my

Eyes, and I want to grab that

Money.

I want to know that she's doing

It from her heart.

You know what I'm saying?

You know, I feel the same

Way.

I feel like I can get more if

I'm dealing with a person one on

One, face to face -- like the

Sky's the limit.

Curtis: that's what I'm

Saying, baller.

That's what I'm saying.

Yeah, that's cool.

Charles.

Yeah, charles. That's right.

That's right-- curtis.

Curtis: yep, that's it.

That's some nice gloves, man.

Oh, thanks, man.

Hey, I got these in italy.

Curtis: ooh.

Yeah.

Curtis: oui, oui.

[ laughs ]

Yeah, okay.

Curtis: you know what

I'm saying?

Ohh, boy.

Hey, hey, come on, come on!

Hey, call the manager out here.

Got to be tripping.

Closing up.

Come on, brother!

Help some people out, brother!

Make no sense.

They don't care.

Curtis: nobody care about

Nothing these days.

That's why I can't stand what's

Happening these days in society.

Got to call my wife.

See, I'm supposed to be back at

The house.

Hello.

Ella?

Hey, look here, baby.

They over here closing up lines

And stuff, baby.

Take us a little longer than I

Thought.

Yeah.

But the pizza man's there?

Ask him if he'll take a credit

Card.

Then ask him if he'll take the

Kids.

Well, then tell the pizza man

To come on down here and tell

Him to bring the delivery over

Here at the bank.

You don't know unless you ask

Him, baby.

It's still a delivery.

Well, thank you.

Thank you so much.

Just have him bring the pizza

Here.

Yeah. Is he coming?

Curtis: yeah, he's coming

Down-- I hope he do.

If he want a tip, he'll come.

It's a good thing you got it

Coming.

We're gonna need it later.

Curtis: know we gonna need

It.

Gonna be here for a while.

Yes, we are.

Curtis: ooh.

Calvin: hey, little bit.

What's up, big dog?

Jazmine: well, nothing much.

Malik's filming cookies while

They bake because he's a moron.

Malik: shut up.

I mean, there's nothing else to

Do.

This has to be the most boring

Family on earth.

Calvin: what are you talking

About?

Our family is a walking reality

Show.

How much tape you got?

Malik: plenty.

Calvin: start rolling.

Quiet on set.

And...Action.

Hey, c.J.

Oh, I forgot to tell you.

Jessica called.

She said you left your jacket

Last night.

Nicole: who -- who is

Jessica?

C.J.: I don't know anybody

Named jessica.

Nicole: and wait.

Didn't you tell me you were

Working last night?

C.J.: I was.

Nicole: well, then how come I

Couldn't reach you?

C.J.: I was probably putting

Out a fire.

Nicole: yeah, I bet you were.

So, was jessica hot?

C.J.: I don't know anybody

Named jessica.

Nicole: c.J., lying only

Makes it worse.

C.J.: I'm not lying.

Nicole: okay, you know what?

You can call me when you are

Ready to tell me the truth.

C.J.: nicole.

Nicole: no, you're lying.

C.J.: I'm not lying.

I don't know anybody named

Jessica.

Calvin: and cut.

Did you get that?

Malik: yes.

Man, that was great.

Jazmine: cousin calvin, you

Are the man.

Man, how come I didn't think

Of that?

I could have gotten rid of her

A long time ago.

Calvin: ooh, can I see it?

Curtis: man, you telling me

You can get 6% on a cd on this

Account?

Yeah. But tell you what.

That ain't nothing.

I can get 100%.

Curtis: get out of here, man.

You can't get no 100%.

You got to let me in on that

Deal, charles.

I tell you what, just give me

A second, and I'll show you how.

Curtis: okay. All right.

Talking about you don't work in

No bank.

Oh, I don't.

I don't. I don't.

Okay, brake yourself!

This is a holdup!

Curtis: oh, damn.

Oh, damn, move out the way.

What the hell are you doing,

Man?

Get your -- get up and do your

Job!

What's happening, man?

All right, come on, wimpy,

Give me the gun.

Come on, get it out.

Let's go. Let's go. Let's go.

Give me that thing.

Don't know what to do with it,

Anyway.

All right. Here we go.

Curtis: why'd you have to let

Me in, man?

All right, everybody, in case

You haven't noticed, this is a

Robbery, all right?

So what I'd like for you to do

Right now is slowly take out

Your wallets, take off your

Jewelry, and put them in this

Bag, okay?

Now, here we go.

Whoa, whoa, curtis, curtis, not

You, man, you cool.

Curtis: oh, okay.

Good-looking.

Good-looking, man.

Good-looking.

As a matter of fact, curtis,

Take this bag for me.

Curtis: o-okay.

All right.

Now, everybody, this is my

Man curtis.

Introduce yourself.

Curtis: uh...

Hey, everybody.

I'm -- I'm curtis, and, uh, this

Is not my doing.

I'm -- I'm not a part of this.

Just so they know...

Yeah, yeah.

...That I'm not a part of it.

Okay, that's enough.

Now, curtis -- he's gonna walk

Around.

He's gonna collect all your

Stuff, okay?

So do me a favor.

Give my man some respect.

Curtis: okay.

Okay.

Put your badge in there.

The only thing you can do?

Come on, put your stuff in, man.

Come on.

If we do this quick, we can get

Up out of here.

Big as you is?

Why don't you get up and rush

Him from the back or something?

Okay, if you had that shaking

Condition before you got here,

You need to take something for

That.

That was good.

That was good.

Curtis: put everything.

Come on, lady.

Come on, mrs. Bush. Come on.

Don't look at me like that.

This is not my fault.

You know this is that man.

I think she got money, too.

Yeah, yeah, get the money.

Curtis: put the money in the

Bag, come on!

You see she --

Whoa, whoa.

What you got?

Curtis: let's see.

I think we got some goodies.

Hold on, let me see, let me

See, let me see.

Curtis: ooh, look.

Oh, check it -- oh.

Sorry. Um...

Curtis: watch that, man.

Ooh, sorry.

Curtis: you got to watch

Where you point them things.

It's -- oh, okay.

Curtis: we good?

I think we're good.

Malik: oh, come on.

Y'all are like a do-nothing

Posse.

Oh, hey, you're back.

C.J.: hey, don't start that

Mess, boy.

We just made up.

Nicole: yeah, calvin.

Thanks for calling and

Explaining.

Calvin: no problem, nicole.

I just had to get the boy some

Footage.

Nicole: uh-huh.

C.J.: well, if you do it

Again, I'm gonna give you some

Size-10 footage.

Ella: oh, look. Oh, look.

Breaking news.

We have just received a

Report that there is a robbery

In progress at the peachtree

Financial bank on lakeview.

Calvin: isn't that where pops

Went?

Ella: yes, it is.

We have a phone video feed

From a cell phone belonging to

One of the hostages inside the

Bank.

Here we can see the alleged

Perpetrator collecting valuables

From the customers.

Jazmine: that's uncle curtis!

Malik: oh, I got to get this.

Nicole: why is your uncle

Robbing a bank?

C.J.: I got no idea.

He crazy.

Ella: there has to be an

Explanation for this.

We do not know at this time

If he is working alone or if

There are others involved, but

He is suspected to be armed and

Dangerous.

Jazmine: all of this for some

Pizza.

Malik: I guess he wanted some

Wings, too.

Calvin: I am so there.

Malik: oh, me too.

Ella: in your dreams, malik.

You stay here with your daddy.

Calvin and I are going down

Here.

Calvin: c.J., we'll call you

When we get there.

[ indistinct shouting ]

Ella: wait!

What the --

C.J.: hell is going on?

Ella: how in the world do

They know where we live?

Here we have

Claretha jenkins, who says

She -- what -- what are you

Doing, lady?

Claretha: that's right.

This is claretha jenkins

Coming to you live from the

Claretha news network.

I'm standing here in front of

The house of curtis payne, the

Same man who is currently

Robbing the peachtree financial

Bank.

He's my best friend's husband.

So to protect her identity, I

Won't say her name, although I

Will say he is the chief of the

Local engine company, and it

Looks like he has finally lost

It.

You know, he's been having

Problems.

Between you and me, I think his

Problems started when his

Nephew's crack-addicted wife

Burned down their house and he

And the two children had to move

In with him.

[ cell phone rings ]

Hello?

Ella: claretha!

Claretha: oh, hey, ella.

Ella: claretha!

Claretha: what?

Ella: what are you doing?

Claretha: because I didn't

Want all those trucks and

Cameras in front of my house.

Ella: don't you say my name!

Claretha: oh, don't worry.

I won't say your name, ella.

Ladies and gentlemen, I have an

Exclusive.

On the phone with me right now

Is the wife of the perpetrator.

Ella, I'm gonna put you on

Speakerphone.

Say hello to the people, ella.

Hello? Ella?

Sorry, atlanta.

The call must have dropped.

Back to you in the studio.

[ telephone ringing ]

Curtis, would you go grab

That, please?

Curtis: uh, I really don't

Want to get that phone, man.

Oh, come on, curtis, would

You stop slacking on the job and

Go answer the phone?

Curtis: a-all right, charles.

I-I'll go get it.

[ siren wails ]

Excuse me.

Excuse me.

Excuse me.

Excuse me.

Excuse me.

And put it on speaker.

Curtis: all right. All right.

Speakerphone.

Uh...H-hello?

Hello? Who's speaking?

Hello.

This is sam carlson.

I'm the hostage negotiator.

I need to know what's going on

In there.

Curtis: uh, um...

It's -- okay. Um...

Oh, uh, the bank getting robbed.

Would you like to leave a

Message?

Just tell us what you want.

Curtis: I-I just want a

Pizza.

Sure. Okay.

We can make that happen.

What else?

Curtis: uh, with pepperoni --

Pepperoni and sausage.

What else?

Curtis: and extra cheese.

Curtis!

Can you get a side salad?

I can't do pizza.

The cheese, you know, does

Something to my stomach.

You don't want to be around.

Curtis: lactose intolerant?

Mm-hmm, that's it.

Curtis: we need a side of

Salad, please, with, uh, italian

Dressing.

Italian dressing?

Italian dressing's good.

Curtis: go with the gloves.

Italian dressing, please, with

The salad on the side.

All right. Okay.

Now I need you to do something

For me.

I want a hostage.

Curtis: oh! Okay.

All right, hold on, sam.

I'm gonna come right out.

Whoa, whoa.

No, no, no, no, no, curtis.

I need you.

Come on, stay.

Curtis: hey. Uh, look here.

I can't -- I can't leave.

Charles said I got to stay.

So I got to stay.

Curtis!

Curtis, curtis, curtis!

Curtis: what happened?

What happened? What happened?

What -- what's the matter,

Charles?

You just said my name.

Now I'm gonna have to kill you.

[ shouting ]

Curtis: no, I didn't say your

Name, no.

I didn't say your name, man.

Hold on. Hey. Hey, sam.

Hey, look here.

I got to holla at my man, but

I'm gonna call you back,

All right?

Okay.

I'll be back in touch with you.

Curtis: okay.

[ whimpers ]

Oh, god! God, no!

C.J.: what is malik doing on

Tv?

Malik: okay, so, I'm here

With claretha jenkins.

Hello.

Um, do you think uncle curtis'

Problems pushed him over the

Edge?

Claretha: well, I don't want

To say yes, but I don't want to

Say no, either.

Oh, malik, we should have all

Seen this coming.

But don't you worry.

I'm gonna call everyone I know,

And we're gonna get you and

Your family lifted up in prayer.

Ella: malik, get your butt

Back in this house!

Get in here.

Reporter, get! No!

I'm not a reporter.

I'm sam carlson, hostage

Negotiator.

I need to ask you a few

Questions.

Ella: okay.

Could I come inside, please?

Ella: yes, yes, you can, sir.

Yes. Please come on in.

Have a seat.

Thank you.

Ma'am, is your husband

A violent man?

Calvin: only when he misses

Lunch.

Ella: would you please?

Ma'am, I want you to talk to

Your husband, find out why he's

Robbing the bank.

He can't just be hungry.

C.J.: you don't know my

Uncle.

Let me get him on the phone.

Yeah. This is carlson.

Yeah, patch me through.

That's right.

I want to talk to the main perp.

We have your husband on the

Phone, ma'am.

Ella: thank you.

Okay. Hello? Hello?

Curtis.

Honey, what -- what are you

Doing?

Curtis: eating pizza.

Ella: eating pizza.

But, curtis, honey, they -- they

Think that you are a bank

Robber.

People think you have snapped!

Honey...

You didn't snap, did you?

Curtis: no, I ain't snapped.

I ain't snapped.

What you talking -- do people

Out there -- they think -- they

Think I'm robbing the bank?

All right.

Let me call you back.

Let me call you back.

Hey, charles, let me holla at

You real quick.

Uh, listen, first of all, man, I

Just want to thank you for not

Killing me.

I really appreciate that, man.

Oh, man, you bet. You bet.

I like you.

Curtis: you good peoples,

Too.

Uh, so, look here.

I was talking to my wife, and

The people out there -- they

Think I'm in charge of all this.

I hear you, man.

So that was your wifey on

The phone?

Curtis: yeah. Yeah.

Oh, and she -- you don't want

Her to come down here.

She gangsta hood.

[ grunts ]

She like that.

I know how you're feeling.

Yeah, my wife, she can get crazy

Sometimes.

Pow pow pow pow pow! Two guns.

Curtis: okay, uh --

Your wife know you do this?

Oh, yeah.

Sometimes she helps, you know?

They say the family that steals

Together eats their meals

Together.

Curtis: okay, I never read

It, but you know.

Yeah.

Curtis: I done read only

About four pages.

I tell you what.

I like you, though, you know?

So, uh...

I think I'm gonna let you go.

Curtis: get out of here, man!

But I tell you what.

Curtis: what?

You snitch, I'll find you.

Curtis: snitch?

What you talking about, man?

Don't you be calling me no

Snitch!

[ laughs ]

What a -- I don't snitch, man.

I ain't saying a word.

All right, all right.

Curtis: I'm like lil' kim.

I'll stay true to the game,

Baby.

All right, curtis.

All right, curtis.

You can go, man. You can go.

Curtis: I'm gonna go before

You change your mind.

Curtis.

Curtis: what?

Leave the money.

[ laughs ]

I had the money.

I didn't even know I had it.

It was subliminal.

Okay, but, if you don't mind,

I'd just like to get a $20

Because -- just in case my

Wife -- she may not --

Yeah, yeah.

Well, that's all right.

You earned your keep.

That's okay.

Curtis: okay? Thank you.

You take that.

You a good christian man.

I appreciate that.

Testify.

Pay your tithe, now.

Curtis: okay. Okay.

Hey, look here.

You good people, look here.

Y'all go ahead on.

Y'all eat up.

It's all good.

It's all good.

Y'all eat that and everything.

A-a-and look here.

I'm gonna pray for you, and we

Gonna come get you.

We'll come back and get you.

Don't let him scare you.

He -- he a pussycat.

Hey!

Curtis: I'm sorry.

Get my pizza.

H-hold on! Hold on!

Don't shoot! Don't shoot!

Malik: I got a "B" on my

Project.

C.J.: oh, that's good, son.

That's real good.

Malik: my teacher said I

Would have got an "A" if

Uncle curtis would have got

Hurt.

Curtis: I'm so sorry I didn't

Get a cap busted in my behind

For you, malik.

Malik: it's okay.

But the footage of you stealing

That jewelry from the hostages?

Man, that was priceless.

Curtis: shut up.

There's charles.

That's the guy from the bank,

Babe.

Put it up, put it up, put it up.

C.J.: that's him right there?

...Was apprehended earlier

Today in connection with the

Robbery at peachtree financial

Bank.

Upon questioning, martin

Revealed that the mastermind

Behind the entire operation was

This man...

[ laughter ]

Jazmine: uncle curtis, that's

A picture of you.

Curtis: what the hell?

...Curtis "Pizza man" payne.

C.J.: the pizza man!

Ella: that's not funny.

Jazmine: that's funny.

Allegedly, payne escaped by

Disguising himself as a hostage.

Now, if you have any information

Regarding this man, please call

The number on your screen.

A reward is being offered.

Ella: calvin, put that phone

Down.

[ telephone rings ]

Curtis: yello?

Who is this?

Bruce?

How'd you get my number?

Look, I have been cleared of all

Charges.

No, I'm not coming down to the

Jail!

Tell charles to quit giving out

My number as an accomplice for

Hire!

And stop calling me the pizza

Man!

Well, what's it pay?

Never mind.

My wife would kill me.

No! Bye!