All language subtitles for Tu mi turbi-1983 EN tit. (1920x1080) Roberto Benigni

Subtitles downloaded from www.OpenSubtitles.org

Come! Come!

Dale!

The sheep must walk alone.

Come Smarrita!

Do not stop!

Come here! On the other hand!

You left
and career change, eh!

Do not over pastor!
Come here!

Do not make me angry,
it's late.

Come!

Smarrita, come here!

Is that you, Benigno?

Benigno!

Smarrita!

Come here! I leave you alone?

Too bad I have
with sheep ...

Come here!

-- Benigno!
-- Hello, Jose!

-- How you doing?
-- Well, what about you?

-- Well.
-- Come here!

-- Joseph!
-- Dear Benigno ...

-- How are you?
-- Do you? -- Well.

We never see.
Have you grown a beard?

-- It's nice, is not it?
-- Bravo!

Remember how much fun we had
children?

And now ...

-- How are things going?
-- Mal, unfortunately.

I do not know what happens
I lose all the sheep.

Remember the flock that was?

I have done witchcraft.
The lose!

Every day I have ten less.

I lost everything.
I can only ...

this ...

I lost the last!
No more being a pastor.

Sorry.
Need a herd?

I wish!

-- Hey, are you free tonight?
-- Yes, why?

-- Is that Mary and I are
dinner guests ... -- Mary and you?

-- Yes, do you remember her?
-- Your wife.

-- Long time no see ... How are you?
-- Well, thank you.

Then we have to leave
our son just ...

Son? How?

-- Do not you had a girl?
-- No child.

-- Child?
-- Jesus.

-- Jesus?
-- It's a clever, a demon!

-- His name is Jesus? -- Yes
-- How beautiful!

-- I understand, you want me to look after him.
-- Yes

-- One night you have to visit,
Mary and you. -- Sure.

And the other child and will care.

Go, I'll take care.

Thanks, Benigno.

Mary, come!
Benigno care for Jesus.

Joseph, you've put on some weight.

Smarrita!
I lose all the sheep!

Thanks, Benigno.

You're welcome, Mary.

Come on, Mary.

Have fun!

A child?

Jesus! Jesus ...

Where are you?

Jesus!

He's hiding to scare me.

Want to scare me,
but you scare me to you!

I Benigno,

the foul fiend!

What antique lamps
so pretty!

Jesus!

Jesus!

I am Satan Beelzebub,

I'm looking for Jesus!

Look how many things!

If I had a child like you!

But my Lazarus ...

is handsome, but is tremendous.
I can not get out of bed.

Every morning yelling:
"Lazarus, walk! Arise!"

Pretend to be dead
and is in bed until 4.

What "lassoed"
dear Je ... Jo ... Joshua!

Look how nice house
has got your father!

At first it seemed a ...
no offense, a little late.

As children we joked,
say, 'There's Jos�! "

I thought that neither marry,

but has got a pretty wife,
a nice house, a beautiful son ...

Jesus! Jesus!

But where do you go?

Now I can not think of anything to
entertain ... You are a child seriously!

Dear Jesus, we are here
I and "you"!

You really ...
How old are you?

Five!
Bravo, in fact look it five.

Did I tell you of when you were born?

Beautiful! If you saw what a party!

It had snowed all night.

I brought your father a sheep
and your mother.

The sky was starry,
seemed a manger.

And people came from everywhere,
must have a conference.

They camels, black,
Americans, Yugoslavs, Albanians,

People everywhere!

Seemed Carnival!
I had fun.

But it was Carnival, it was Christmas!
You were born just for Christmas.

On December 25 of the year zero.

Just born in year zero, in fact
Now we are in the 5 after Jesus.

Yes.

December 25,'re Capricorn.

It is a good sign, even lucky.

It is the sign of normal people

the quiet life without Bravery.

We will expect a fairly regular life,
I'm happy for you.

Dear Jesus, life is tough!

Today to pull forward
to do miracles!

I'll give you some advice,

Do not worry about politics,
leave,

do not get to give
speeches to people.

Religion is even worse.

Priests are tremendous,
are Pig ...

They are rotten,
they effect the intestine.

"Power, struggles, I'm a priest" ...
Go and ...

You drown,
smother you in power, you know?

You are strong,
let not oppress.

And if one gives you a slap,

you give a punch
gums,

so do not give it back.

Got it?

Then I married a beautiful
girl, local course

beautiful, healthy, without inflammation
and create a family.

But then, do not marry soon,
Enjoy life!

G�zala at least until the
32, 33 years.

Wine, dances, parties,

drink, drop to the ground,
that life is short.

It has been off the fire!

Is there some wood?

This is the advice
I can give myself.

Right in the foot!

But look how weird wood
does your father!

Want to make the horse?
Do you know him?

See, I always do
with my son.

The horse!

Look what work I have to do!
The horse is lame!

Down! One, two, three!

Enough, I give up!

It's all dirty.

Your parents tell you that I'm a pastor
Dirty, used for the lambs.

I soiled the lambs
I wash them in the tub.

Last cauldron, bathroom
is ready!

Come here, a good soaking!
One, two, three ...

A good soaking ...

Down!

Must be hard water.

I I have water in my house
softer, is low.

Water is different.

Look at water use here!
What good!

You swim in a strange style,
the "Jesus style".

Freestyle is a very free!

Come!

Down! But you're not a child,
're an inflatable boat.

You know, people are strange
that when he gets in the water falls.

I have known children
immersed in the water to fall.

Which children so rare!

Now wash you,

but clean.

It's a trick, right?

I also do not know,
even on ice!

A wash well.

Also my nephew Jude
teases me.

Usually, malignant, a snake!
But it's good, it always gives me a kiss.

Let's see ... The head
does not wash, and face either.

The ear, the other ...

So what's here?

Enough to dry.

A dry!

Bravo, ready.

See how you were dirty,
and do not want to wash!

Come on, it's over the bathroom!
Are you hungry?

I like to have dinner.
But unfortunately there is nothing.

Well, I think there
a fish.

But only one.
Who will eat it?

Me? Thanks, very friendly.

It is up to richer.

Dinner is over, no more.

Thank you.

Look up!
A private property!

Look here!

Another! This will give it to you,
you eat dinner and that's it ...

And very rich!
They are great!

Look there!
A calf without milk!

Watch!

Miracle, "milagr�simo"!

Did you see?
I know even with the bread making.

If you give me a loaf of bread,

I make 712 loaves appear
and a baker.

Depends on the day.
Look there!

Nothing, I always get.

You can serve more,
if you are in trouble.

I like you because you're gay.
I like the whole family.

You, your father Joseph,
hard worker,

your mother Mary ...

Mary ...

Mary ... Mary ...
To you I can tell you,

your mother Mary
I always liked it.

When we were young,
I was in love.

Yes, I liked it.
I was young and not ugly ...

And so ...

I liked.

Nothing ever happened and nobody
did you know, not even her.

But a voice,
one day I took a look, but ...

I could not more,
dreamed of her,

I wanted to see it,
to hug her, hard.

I wanted to talk about anything,
type: "How old are you?"

Perhaps a sentence
but was never able.

I loved, one day
even decided to tell him.

I came, I saw and I said:
"I marry Joseph."

Exclaimed: "No!" And she: "Yes".
You stay bad.

I said:
"Why are you home with Joseph?"

He replied: "I must. Must ..."
and it stuck with me.

Someone insisted, even at night:
"You must marry Joseph."

I could not tell who was
because it was someone very influential.

People are not concerned with their affairs.
But she found herself well.

I was wrong,
but eventually I get it.

If your mother had married me,
maybe you had not been born

and a girl was born.

But a child
would not have changed the world.

I'll tell you a story
and then to the bed.

It is the story of a father
they had two sons,

one was called Prodigal and the other ...
Forget it.

Prodigal was a nervous type,
always angry.

One day he said: "I'm leaving".
And the father: "Where?"

And he: "Where I please"
and began to argue.

For any nonsense
was nervous.

One day he lost a sheep,
but neither sought.

When his father died,
came home and said:

"I want to see the will!
The old man, the new! "

They began to argue
and angry.

I never understood well
why

but at a certain point
bought a meadow.

Planted three olive
it needed oil.

And he began to throw rocks at all.
He said: "I throw the first stone!"

When I was not his friend
Juliano Sin, threw stones.

He said: "I am without sin
and throw the first stone. '

He put a sheet in the eye
and said:

"Quit�dmela, I see the straw!"
He straws ...

Come on, this Prodigal
was an idiot ...

Well, there was a big mess
and finally there was light.

They turned on the current, two left
to jail and one knee Manco.

His brother became a soldier

and his mother was ill,
Not know how much, Jesus!

He called the servant, a certain Baptist
and said, "Come here, John."

He threw water over
head, had this hobby.

Bathed them all saying:
"I'm Baptist!"

Made those jokes,
threw water over his head.

Yes, dear Jesus ...

-- Benigno! -- I've slept,
but the child did.

It has made us late.
Sorry.

Nothing, do not worry.

-- Thank you, God bless you.
-- Nothing. I'm going to bed, goodnight.

-- Good night, Mary.
-- Joseph, help me to take off the veil.

Yes, Mary.

Good night.

Smarrita!

Smarrita, come here!

Sma ...

Angel!

Angel!

Angel!

Why all the shouting?
Do you think it is noon?

I lost my angel,
I've been running since this morning.

-- What?
-- My angel left me.

-- How?
-- I lost my angel.

It is not possible,
Angels never lost alone.

-- I've lost.
-- We are not allowed to miss.

-- Well, we got lost
once. -- Where?

-- On the way to see my mother to the field.
-- Ah yes, I remember, with the fog.

-- But if it was summer!
-- It was winter. -- No, it was summer.

Angel!

Angel!

Excuse me, have you seen an angel?

Feathers, which will,
but angels integers.

Thank you.

Angel!

Angel!

-- Where are you going alone?
-- I lost my angel.

Better! If all be lost,
would not work.

-- Stay with us!
-- I loved it, but ...

-- Luana, how did it go?
-- Goodbye. -- No, wait.

-- Have you been paid? -- Yes, but
we had to change rooms.

-- In ours had an angel, only.
-- A single angel?

-- And who are you?
-- A friend ... Where is this angel?

-- There. But who are you?
-- I'm ... Whats there, where?

-- There.
-- Thanks.

Where are you going? Come!

Angel!

Sorry, looking for my angel.

Excuse me, do you also
alone?

-- No, he's in the bathroom.
-- Ah, in the bathroom, I felt that ...

By chance,
Have you seen an angel alone?

Top??
Thank you, good night.

Hello, Angel!

I!

I was late because
was no traffic.

In summer people accumulates
at the same time ...

Want me really, angel?

I understand.

Do not believe the things you say ...

You know I have changed
wings from ...

What a race this far!
I came home and you ...

Last night you left home
without warning,

but remember that you can not do.

He joked. If you want to go,
Young children are not ...

If you want to go, just tell me ...

We have a relationship of years
we have always told you everything.

If you want to go, let me know.
But ...

I leave all phrases
you say in these cases.

If you go, my life is useless.
I can not live alone.

Without you I am finished,
try again.

Our relationship can be beautiful
and constructive ...

fundamental to the life of both.

Not worth losing
all you have given us.

Maybe you're right, sometimes I
wrong, but try to change.

And it is not understood!

Now you tell me of
once for all,

you must be sincere.

Want me forever?

Yes.

Speak, tell me something,
I ran all night for you.

I'm leaving for good.

Hala, just one sentence
to make a man feel better.

Is it possible that ...?
Now shut up, right?

Never understood,
always ambiguous, even now.

What does
"I will forever"?

What does "I'm leaving"?

Never understand when you talk!
Why did you leave me?

Why should I stay
you?

The life of a gentleman
is impeccable,

but no one knows
how heavy it is to live with the Master.

The gentleman gets up every morning

and it makes me sick
thinking of you while you dress,

while going to the bathroom every morning
at the same time with the same comic.

It seemed all so light,

and now I know how many steps you
from the bathroom to the bedroom.

And I hate the way you walk,
and say "then",

and I hate when you turn
light in my sleep,

and when I'm wrong and you get irritated, and
when you speak and when not talking to me.

And when you turn on the TV three
times a week to see ...

"Francis, the Talking Mule"

and tell me:
"How will you talk a mule?"

A trick ...
Yes, a trick.

And I hate when we
lunch or dinner

and for years have you been asking
one filetito because ...

"I do not trust the restaurant."

A filetito!

Do you know that there are oysters
and Chinese restaurants?

A filetito!

Boring! By your side,
an accountant seems James Dean.

Do you know that in all these years
I have never been surprised by anything?

I've never raised eyebrows.
Never.

And does not take much
to surprise,

I do not know, that once pidieras in
steak place, a "ossobuco"

for me to say:
"Oh, I'm crazy!"

What's the difference if I go?

What amazes me you
fall in love with another?

Ah, you have missed!

You said "in love with another"!

Have you been in love with another?
I realized ...

I did not realize!
Because trust you, and trust yet.

Do not go.

Who is?
Tell me, do not do anything.

-- Total, I'll find the same.
-- It's Him

Ah, okay?

Is he in the sense ...?

Have you been in love with him?

What has he that I have not?

I thought you had more taste.

And for me, how I'm ...
Each has the rival merits.

To me it touched me.

All the same!

I knew you looked with him,

but do not think it was
something so erotic and serious.

I never surprised, but he, yes.
Satisfies you.

Ah, right?
Did not you have been surprised?

All right.

Now I will lift the eyebrows,
I'll make a game.

One thing that neither
knows.

-- There is nothing to know
He does not know. -- Are you sure?

Yes, I will do it as a gift.
Let's play something.

I'll kill myself.

I go to the window, count to
five ... six ...

Count to nine and ...

-- Huh? So you ...
-- It's true, I do not know how to do.

Yes, I tried,
but can not kill.

Do I do it?
Do you love me or not?

Well, better to be clear.
Then I roll.

I have not thrown ...

Not interested?
Look I do really.

I'm here. I kill.

5, 6, 7 ...

Do you love me or not?
8, 9 ...

Angela!

Oh, no ... Again! Angela!

-- What is it?
-- Angela, come here.

-- What are you doing?
-- Angela, I dreamed ...

-- Do you find the time? Was it a bad dream?
-- Very bad. I've slept five minutes.

-- Come to be friends.
-- Do you?

-- No, I do not!
-- Do not go.

-- Come on.
-- Mother, was tremendous!

Cuckoo! Surprise!

How we have fun
tonight!

What a great idea to make a party
costumes in August! How did you come?

-- Do not know.
-- Goodbye.

-- Have not seen you dressed like that.
-- Like my devil?

The next I saw of Sandokan.

-- When will organize the next?
-- Soon.

-- Make it in August. Goodbye, Luisa!
-- Goodbye.

-- Goodbye.
-- Will accompany you?

-- Where did the others?
-- They are gone, it was too late.

-- What time is it?
-- The 4.

-- Goodbye!

Did not you know that I like
the "ossibucchi"?

And Chinese restaurants and
oysters. I'm crazy!

I do things that leave
surprised people.

I always dream that you do not want
be with me, you want to go with him.

-- If you want to go, let me know.
-- What are you saying? Help me.

Yes, sorry.

I have three nights dreaming
same.

-- Did you have fun?
-- Yes

-- But you're sleepy. Are you tired?
-- A little.

I can not anymore, really!
How do you do?

Make a costume party

whenever
I want to invite a couple of friends,

I have to throw a party
costume, how do I do?

-- I know, but I wanted to
see someone. -- OMG!

I know, you're right, shut up forever
at home.

I'd like to take a walk.

If you organize a procession,

a representation of the Annunciation ...
Never do anything in this town.

And be careful, Angela!

If you go to the window, you see.
They realize, speak evil.

If you realize that you're an angel
really, just like King Kong.

They put on display, make
a circus, you fold down with planes.

Humans are tremendous.

He, he, you want to go with him!

Hey!

By the way, how is he?

How is it?

Angela, how is it?

I saw him once.
And I got to laugh, is so thin ...

This is a gem, gentlemen!

-- 40 square meters, two bedrooms ...
-- I buy it.

Apartment sold, thanks!

This is a gem, gentlemen!

40 square meters
and two bathrooms.

Bright,
and two bedrooms.

-- Small, but two.
-- I buy it!

Apartment sold, thanks!

This is a gem, gentlemen!

-- 40 square meters ...
-- I buy it!

Apartment sold, thanks!

This is a gem, gentlemen!

-- 40 square meters ...
-- I buy it!

-- See you tomorrow for the contract.
-- It cost 50 million, right?

-- No, 100.
-- Improved! And where the sack?

-- Some morning and part ...
-- Every morning.

-- What are 100 million today? ...
-- Today? -- No, tomorrow.

-- Go to the bank and provide them.
-- Can I pay in the bank? -- Sure.

-- Thanks for the advice.
-- You're welcome. Apartment sold!

240, 250, 260 ...

Have your 300 million.

-- Say.
-- To me enough 100 million.

-- Name? -- Benigno.
For the house I bought.

-- The name does not come out.
Did you complete the check? -- No.

First start the check,
and then give the money.

I pull a check?
and gives me 100 million?

-- I thought it would be more complicated.
-- Do you have the book there? -- No.

P�daselo my partner,
Start the check and give the money.

-- Thanks!
-- You're welcome.

-- What do you want? -- I wanted two or three
checks attached to the companion.

-- Stuck? -- Yes, I have
starting one to have 100 million.

-- Would you like a checkbook?
-- Give me these checks.

-- A book of 10 or 20?
-- 100 million.

-- What are October 10?
-- Or two 50!

-- What is your number?
-- Is my number?

5821364.

Is a pension.
"As before ..."

No sale.

-- Are you busy or not responding?
-- No, no.

The landlady is a little
deaf, can not hear.

-- But you are not the owner?
-- I wish! It is a very good pension.

Do you have to remove the board
an old deaf?

Do not make me nervous!

Give me two checks attached, I have
who pluck to have 100 million.

-- But you have an account here?
-- No, I have to withdraw.

-- Does not it? So you want a
loan! -- How slow you are!

-- Then you must see the director.
-- WAKE UP!

-- He accompanied me, wait for me in
that door. -- Okay.

-- Are we together?
-- Yes, I will introduce you to the principal.

Please eh!

One moment, you notice.

-- Go, please.
-- Thanks.

DPR Jan. 21, 1976, number 7.
Bond issue ...

-- Nice, Diosteayude.
-- Praise be!

Please, send me
extract Pallandri account?

Yes As soon as possible, thanks.

-- Sorry ...
-- Please.

Yeah, okay.

-- Good morning.
-- We are at your disposal.

Tell Us.

-- I'd rather we stay alone.
-- We are alone.

Tell Us.

-- "Tell us," he says as usufruct?
banking? -- Sure.

-- He is alone, but says "tell" ...
-- Oh, you said the employee? Already out.

-- I wanted a ...
-- Tell us.

-- Freeze! Beware! Sorry ...
-- Tell us.

-- We ... I say ...
-- Tell us.

They are, right?
It is the time ...

I came here,
Mr. Diosteayude,

to make a withdrawal

in your bank.

-- Mr. Director ...
-- Yes?

Easy, if you are nervous,
is over.

-- A relaxing!
-- Calm down.

-- Yes
-- Thank you, Director.

I wanted to establish myself
in this small town ...

... Capital.

The first thing copy
for a person who wants to settle

and go physically,
the most banal thing.

Second thing
first order geographic

is to have in this city
the house.

The house: feminine singular.

I found just yesterday,
40 square meters, two bedrooms,

bright, "buy it"
signed, 100 million.

I am told that in this city
you go to the bank and provide them.

So I want a loan,
but no ...

-- Excuse me a moment.
-- Whew!

Hello? I finished the article.
The sum of the contributions ...

should have been set
house by mutual aliquot of 20%.

Thank you. Goodbye.

Excuse me. Tell Us.

So you want a loan
100 million to buy a house.

-- Exactly.
-- But I do not know him personally.

Me neither, but I am confident.
Relax.

Yes, I understand, but you
know how banks work?

-- Do you have any idea?
-- Sure.

It is very simple, is all
a warranty issue.

Let me finish. Because there
I want to look like a freeloader.

I'm not one of those who
you give the money back and no longer see.

I'm not one of those,
and not allow him to not even think!

He signed a sheet where I say:

"I'll pay the amount
of this bank bill

that credit card order
credit of 5% interest ...

I'll take the $ 100 million, which
Will give them back! ... when you can.

A day passed, will give 5 million
stays 95 ... So to finish.

-- You want a loan
to buy the house. -- Exactly.

You may have the money invested.

-- How? -- Those 100 million
I could have spent somewhere.

-- 100 million in clothes?
-- Yes

I do not ...

I do not know how you can enforce.

Perhaps putting clothes also
child, shorts, coats ...

But I do not get to 100 million.

-- But who has 100 million
dresses? -- Billions!

If you and I had two thousand
million, would have invested, right?

Sure, a nice closet!
Shop a tailor!

Where would end the millions
if they were not reversed?

What I leave, 100 million naked?

Then you do not have
100 million invested.

But perhaps you titles.

Speak well.

-- I mean in the BOT.
-- Director, mod�rese!

-- Play the Stock Market?
-- Sometimes small.

But now I'm
a little ...

-- It is also dangerous, one gets hurt.
-- Damage?

-- Today down up tomorrow!
-- Why not?

-- Simpatico!
-- Are you a funny guy!

-- With a young friendly as you ..
-- Listen ...

Do you know also
how much a loan?

At least 25% per year
of interest.

Then within a year has 125
million, two 150 and 4, 200.

Maybe in four years
not need 200 million!

Do not exaggerate!
Give me the 100 million now, period.

Then as we wear, play ...
But now let.

Although queri�ndoselos pay,

if you do not return
100 million,

is the delay,
And what delay!

-- Best. -- How do you best?
Eye that this delay is serious.

We have the same tastes,
I too like things strong.

Bravo!

But enough of women,
not talk about things that do not influence.

I have come to ask for money

for one thing necessities,
the house.

Let blackberry.

Even if you forget
of these 100 million, I got it.

You do not remember, but I do,
and I return two so are 98 ...

after 97 ... and finally, in peace.

Perhaps this is a mistake.

You came here with no money
invested, no titles, no Treasury Bonds,

And you want 100 million,
and aims to be the demos?

Director!

Will not you give me 100 million?
It goes against his name, Mr. Diosteayude.

You are contradicting yourself!

Of course I have nothing
and I come to ask 100 million.

-- If I had a thousand million,
You give me a hundred? -- Sure.

"Sure ..."

But if I had one billion,
I would give you a hundred million!

Please! Neither want it back,
Overall, I still have 700.

Thank you!

Do not want them back,
keep it to yourself.

If I have one billion, I get 100 million.
And if I need an eggplant,

Do I have to have a billion
home?

The greengrocer has never asked me
if I have eggplant billion,

fish or pears.

Mr. Diosteayude, you will
against your name, contradicts!

Director!
But where have we come?

What is this picture?

How is reasoning
of such caliber?

-- Huh?
-- I think I'm dreaming!

With all the money they have!

Speaking of our tickets,
But the outputs?

Depends on which part you are going!
Do you think cheating on me?

Is this an input or an output?
Do you get to ask what contest?

What is the capital of France?
Let's talk seriously!

I put an example with the pen.
This bank has 15,000 dependents.

-- 15 000.
-- How many? -- 15 000.

-- We give two pens per day?
-- D�moslos.

A 200 lira each,
are 3 million a day, 90 a month,

billion a year out
only with pens.

One billion ...

And you just take a pen
with billions in his pocket

and denies me
100 million for the house?

Director!
How far have we come?

So unless I count
a pen? Am I a compass?

You should open
a stationery!

Instead of heart
has an inkwell!

Director!
Freeze, Mr. Diosteayude!

What to do
to have 100 million steal?

You have to kidnap!
You have to steal, kill,

fornication,
or want the other woman!

Director,
Honor your father and your mother!

What should you do?

I am against
kidnappers and terrorists

stealing instead of coming to the bank
to provide them with 100 million!

But if they are to types
as you ...

How many children, three?
Kidnapped!

Do you want them back?
Well, 100 million.

Shooting with the newspaper,
folio in the trash,

Tonight 100 million under the
oak, or will not see their children.

Hold it!

-- It must be so!
Will you give me 100 million? -- Yes!

Too late!

-- Attentive, is armed!
-- Director!

This is a robbery!

This is a gem!

40 square meters ...

This story is dedicated
two young Italians.

Two dark and unknown heroes,
dumb as marble,

stand guard
a dark and unknown hero.

Immobile, take care that the flame
of the country never goes out.

Two imperatives:
not move or speak.

No talking, no matter what happens.

-- Moron!
-- Cretin!

-- Idiot!
-- Stupid!

-- Asshole!
-- Moron!

-- Views!
-- What?

You have moved!
Let nine to zero.

-- Nine one!
-- A zero!

-- Nine one!
-- And when I moved?

On Wednesday you moved
when I called "artichoke".

Artichoke will be you!

Ten to zero.

It gives me a rage!
If anything, ten to one!

Sorry, what's his name
the Roman

they got into a chest
with nails in it?

-- Atilio Regulus.
-- I. Dead.

We all die,
we.

We also die.

Are we going to Hell, Purgatory,
or Paradise?

�1, X, 2?

What do you call that
invented the turbo engine?

-- I do not know.
-- Engine turbo, thou disquieted.

You disquieted me, Miss!

I tell you, Miss
"Tumeturbas"!

Eye that we can not
move or speak.

I move and speak,
Miss "tumeturbas".

You my your ...

Here soldier 1!
Is everything in order, soldier 2?

Check the position, soldier 2.
I tell you, drone!

Do not make me repeat myself!

Attack!
In the trenches!

Beware of the enemy!
There is a Russian, shoot!

No, the Russians are with us,
shoot at the Chinese!

Who brought Chinese to war?
Too!

Who put this submarine here?
Soldier 2, move it!

The submarines are under
water, you are amphibious,

submarine, prioritize the tank.
Paying attention to the "stop"!

Colonel, cabomayor
shift! Hearts ...

Two of flowers! Turn!

Soldier 2!

It's for you, are you?

Not.

Soldier 2!

Attention! Rest!

Stand up! Rest!

Shoot!

Hurt! It's a scratch.
Miss t�meturbas.

What a bore to be here!

Dear Mom,
welding work,

and suffer.

If something has to happen,
do not cry.

I will send my photo by
of a friend, called Miss tumeturbas.

He's nice.

Soldier? 2? Yes, here it is.

It is for you, you say?

If I ever do this
idiot prank phone

I break the gun in the head.

For me, waiting for a call.

Is that you, Eugenia?

Call me later,
There is a little nervousness.

I'm at a pay phone,
there are people waiting.

-- I'll call you. Chao.
-- Hey ...

-- Free!
-- Tonight I have no desire of jokes.

Please do not get me out of proportion.

If I ever do joke
phone, only an idiot like you

can do,
callers who call,

I go there, I tied the phone
neck and strangle you.

-- It's over.
-- Okay.

If by chance llamasen again ...

If llamasen just in case, I do not think,
not answer. That's it.

I let it ring.

Look how they insist!

Maybe it's urgent.

BASTA!

Care.

Sterilized. Scalpel.

-- Soldier 2!
-- Do not take it anymore!

I want to go.

How long? What time is it?

I do not know.

But, if you really want
unknowingly

I can call 161.

Being here with you
is a sentence!

The virgin, guys!

-- Do you have a girlfriend, wife?
-- Right now I'm single.

I thought so!

-- What?
-- Nothing, nothing ...

No, you did as saying:
"As to be with some!"

-- Exactly.
-- What exactly?

Nothing ...

You said as saying: "Right,
like to be with some! "

-- Right.
-- What right?

-- Does it seem fair
Women have not? -- Yes

Want to get nervous?

"Yes",
Do you think you have it right?

-- What?
-- A woman.

-- Do not you?
-- I said I'm single!

I thought so!

-- And you have a wife?
Bride? Wife? -- I do.

Ah ... I thought so!

-- I have two.
-- What?

-- Two women. If you want to present them.
-- No, thanks. -- You're welcome.

Keep them.
We are a family of ready,

Miss tumeturbas.

Peasant family,
Miss tumeturbas.

But do not you get tired?

What is the name that invented the ...

This site
even scares me.

Well, I leave you alone,
so you would learn.

No, do not go!

-- Hey ... -- We can not talk
or move, respects the rules.

I do not respect him.

-- Want a cigarette?
-- But you're an idiot?

If they see you, they put you in jail!
Look who it is!

Would I have seen?

-- But this fire is not quenched?
-- Never.

It is the eternal flame of the homeland.

-- What if it rains? -- The eternal flame of
country can not turn off!

For you, but to me it would be enough
do one of my charms.

-- What charms?

But ... You never have I told you?

But I'm ...

Did not you know?
I am a magician.

Seriously, I come from a family ...
My father is a fakir.

It is very fakir, really!

And my mother ...

We are all half horoscopes!
I have a cousin zodiac.

We are all a little homeopathic.

-- You think so?
-- No.

No?

You dare challenge me?
and test me?

-- Medium without being mean!
-- And now the magician!

-- No more silly jokes!
-- Quiet, be supine!

Hold it! You are under the influence
Zaganga Wizard!

Do you feel a tingling
in the plant system?

Stay vegetarian!

I'm hypnotizing!
You are completely mesmerized!

Do not you feel good,
you head is spinning ...

No longer will you!

Attention ... Acupuncture!

Attention ...

You're trapped in the corner!

Snakes for the legs!
Do not look!

Snakes, back!
Cobra, do not you see?

Cascabel, to stay away
the legs!

Out!

Watch the boa!
Fear not ...

There, on your right
has appeared a penguin!

How nice penguin!
He has come true.

How about penguin?
Cool, right?

Look how cute penguin!

Still, snakes!

There is a real penguin,
no kidding!

To your right.

Watch out for snakes!

Would I trow me?

If the penguin bothers you,
I make it go away.

Out!
Do not go away.

I let him stay,
total, no bother.

Stay.
Sit penguin.

Then we go together to make
coffee.

A cappuccino for me
and my penguin.

Me sick just looking at you.

Strange world!

-- You know that man was once a monkey?
-- Yes, and the woman a kangaroo!

Why not?

-- And the monkey where it comes from
the chicken? -- Can.

-- What about the chicken? -- The egg.
-- And the egg?

-- From God.
-- What about God? -- No one knows.

I know.

-- How?
-- I know.

-- Really?
-- Yes

-- Who told you? -- One
I knew, but could not tell.

-- One day he escaped.
-- How?

We were together at a restaurant.

He looked outside and said:
"How beautiful is the world! God created it!"

And "Nice God think so ..."

So said.

-- Then who created God? Dime.
-- I can not tell.

Why are you so ignorant me?
What have I done?

See how you are? What does it cost?
Tell me at least the first letter.

-- All right, "B".
-- "B" ...

-- Blond or brunette?
-- Moreno.

-- Moreno. Yes it is one ... -- Shut up!
Do not tell me, I want to find out.

Moreno with the "B" ...

-- Italian?
-- Italian.

-- Is he alive?
-- He's alive.

-- How old?
-- 30--35.

-- Tell me the second letter.
-- "U".

-- "U"? "U".
-- "B" and "U". "Bu".

"Bu", created God, 35 years alive.
Who could it be?

-- Do you believe in God?
-- Yes

-- Why? -- For small,
to test said:

"God, if you're there,

within 10 seconds, it rains! "

And in 10 seconds
tremendous deluge fell.

Fuck ...
Do it again, ask hail.

-- Try It.
-- I get a laugh, I have fear.

-- Adelante!
-- I can ask one thing? -- Yes

God, if you're there,

in 10 seconds, snow!

Seven, eight ... and nine.
It's nine.

-- Miracle!
-- What miracle?

-- Did not you say "in 10 seconds, nine?"
-- But why nine? Snow!

-- I said nine.
-- Nine?

-- Had understood nine.
-- Nine?

When you ask for miracles,
have to be precise.

You can not be wrong.

Perhaps God is not safe
and think you said nine.

What, when they asked miracles
Jesus was put to articulate?

"Jesus, give me the light!"
And Jesus: "What, the list?"

"No, the view! 'V' in Venice!"
Imagine!

Yes, you have to be precise,
articulate!

Go!
And I said snow.

Naples, Empoli, Venice, Empoli.
Snow, God ... Snow!

10 seconds.

-- Tell me the last letter, come!
-- And then ...

Okay, the last and longer. "C".

-- "Buc"?
-- "Buc".

"Buc" ... Who will?

-- I know.
-- "Buc" ...

"Buc" ...

Translation: Vozidar

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