Original subtitles

Happiest of birthdays to you, honey.

I'm so happy for you.

Wow, 50.

I'll be there in a few more years.

(laughing)

So I want you and Albert

to have a grand old night of romance.

[Isabella] Um, they broke up.

What?

What happened to Albert?

I mean how did Peter fuck this up?

Happy birthday, sweetie.

You know when I turned 50

I thought my life was over, then I met Abby

and I learned that the most important thing

in life is having a partner

and I realized that my life is just beginning.

It's fine not to have one, too, sweetie.

Till death do us part.

(whispering)

Why didn't you tell me that?

Now, Pete.

I have a cousin, he's about 45, he's cute as a bug

and he's gay.

I can give him your number and it can't hurt.

Well then again, it might.

He's a virgin and I've heard stories

about you, Pete.

God.

He was just settling down and then, then what?

Did he get blown by that twinky little intern of his again?

Hi, Peter.

Happy birthday.

You know, we're both gay men in our 50s.

Well he knows he needs to learn how to relax.

I told him to go ahead anyway.

He wasn't getting any from Albert.

He got to get it from somewhere.

You know what I'm talking about, don't you?

We, the both of us, would like to wish you.

[Both] The best year ever.

-We love you. -Love you, Pete.

Happy birthday.

I leave you with this thought.

Sometimes you have to say

what the fuck?

Make your move.

That was the worst Tom Cruise imitation ever.

(laughing)

You know at least we didn't mention Albert.

Okay, I mean he was a dick and no one liked him anyway.

Oh, Jesus Christ.

Wait a minute, you better edit that part out, okay?

Okay, the three besties

at some of that boring old people stuff.

Here's Dad and Uncle Pete in his school play.

Oh, I'm so young and cool.

I'm so old and boring.

Oh, I'm so young and cool.

Kids, don't grow old.

Don't let his happen to you.

(soft reflective guitar music)

(muffled screaming)

(soft reflective guitar music)

(soft reflective guitar music)

Come on, Peter.

It's time to get ready.

Okay.

Happy Birthday to me.

Yeah, so, no, no, no.

I think they're done.

-Hello! -Oh hang on.

Hi, hang on one sec, okay?

Hi.

Sorry.

Come on in.

Hi, thank you.

Yeah, no problem.

Oh yeah you can set up on the table.

Hi, thank you, thanks.

So sorry I'm late but this one doesn't know how to drive.

(speaking Italian)

Okay, um.

Hi, sorry, sorry.

No the cater...

No, I think it's serious.

Yeah Edwards upstairs with him right now, so.

How's he doing?

Well.

Can you not do that?

What do you think you are, a doctor?

Do I look like a doctor?

Well doc, am I gonna live?

Through tonight?

Probably.

It's tomorrow and next month that I'm worried about.

Want to talk about it?

No.

So you two are over then?

Didn't I just say I don't want to talk about it?

I got it.

I known you 40 years.

You're not much of a talker.

I thought I'd ask.

You know, just in case that you'd like to say something

before you have a stroke.

Oh.

Or a heart attack or an aneurysm.

It's time that you need to take care of yourself.

Do things that make you happy.

Take care of this body.

Birthday law.

I get to say and do whatever I want.

Eddie.

I don't want to do this.

Well you're going to do this.

There's a lot of people that love you

and that want to celebrate this momentous occasion with you.

So you're gonna get dressed,

go downstairs, smile.

Yeah.

And pretend that everything is okay.

Just like you've been doing

for the last five years with Albert.

When you're ready to talk I'll be here.

Like always.

Yeah, well just remember what I said about gifts.

Yeah.

No over 50 gag gifts, I got it.

What did you get me?

A defibrillator.

I never know what to get you.

I'll get you an IOU.

I should have put him down years ago.

Damn hippocratic oath.

I heard that.

The fucking quack took the scotch.

(soft reflective guitar music)

White or red?

[Both] Blush.

(speaking Italian)

You spill one drop of that wine

I'm gonna stab your neck with a fork

and what did I tell you about wearing that apron?

Put this on.

(speaking Italian)

Does he need anything?

Yeah.

Less of this.

Oh no.

Did he say anything?

Does he ever?

I don't even think that he wants to come down.

Isabella?

I'm on it.

(soft guitar music)

Hey.

You didn't knock.

Just figured your muscle bound boy toy wasn't here yet.

Huh?

Just a birthday wish I made to the cosmos for you.

A professional wrestler type

with a poetic, artistic soul.

Well, you know my type.

What are you doing?

Choosing your outfit.

Oh please don't.

Well either I do it

or I call your whole gang up here to do it for you.

Black slacks, red shirt.

Ah, you're sweet.

Like you have a choice.

You change your major again, this time to fashion?

Oh please.

My hippie parents are still beyond pissed

that I switched to business.

Well, you always do take after me.

Besides, I don't want to make films.

I want to run a studio and hire people

to make them for me.

Then I'll get you to star in your own personal biography.

It won't work.

All gay movies are low budget

and they can't afford the IMAX camera

to capture my full figure.

Well, in my films they will.

Gay men over 50 don't find love, don't have sex,

don't kiss the boy, don't even take their shirts off,

in a gay film.

I'll pass.

♪ Don't want to talk about ♪

♪ Front page blues ♪

♪ Don't want to talk about ♪

♪ Last year's news ♪

♪ I just want some light in my life ♪

♪ That and a lover ♪

♪ For life ♪

♪ No child isn't abused ♪

♪ No love that's been used ♪

♪ I just want some light in my life ♪

♪ That and ♪

(phone vibrating)

(soft indie rock)

There.

Magic.

Can't even tell I'm balding.

Now can ya?

Yeah, I talk to an invisible camera

and I think it's because

in the 70s, you know remember Threes Company,

Mr. Roper and the (laugh track).

See, he knew he was in a show

and he acknowledged it

and I never met anybody else who does it

but I just feel that we're all part

of some bigger production

and I'm trying to figure out

which casting director I fucking pissed off

and what movie am I gonna get cast in?

How 'bout the gay Star Wars starring Jabba the gut.

(mocking Jabba the hutt speech)

High blood sugar, high blood pressure.

Lowering balls.

Oh, Jesus Christ.

You know, you can get healthy,

you can lose weight,

but to be fat and 50 and single in the gay world.

I'm nothing.

(engine stalling)

Fuck!

Shit.

Fuck!

Ready to celebrate my half death?

Well.

Maybe this won't be so bad.

(whimsical piano music)

(crowd cheering)

[Man] Oh happy birthday!

(laughing)

-Happy birthday. -Happy birthday.

Thank you so much.

It's really good.

-(tense music) -(gasping)

If I cannot have you

then this will be the last birthday

that you will ever have.

(gunshot)

Oh, that would be so great.

-Oh there he is. -(cheering)

Oh god.

The birthday boy.

Oh so good to see you.

Hey.

Thank you so much.

It's so great to see you.

Darling.

Oh boys, you didn't have to come.

It's so great to see you.

Thank you very much.

-Hey, buddy. -How you doing?

Oh thank you.

(laughing)

♪ Happy birthday ♪

Oh hey, Elaine.

-How are you? -♪ To you ♪

Good to see you.

Thank you so much.

Look, Elaine's here everybody.

Baby, you gotta learn how to lighten up.

Come on, give mama some sugar.

Oh come on.

-(laughing) -(cheering)

Still gay.

Still gay

still gay.

That's what I'm talking about now.

Still gay.

Yes, I need a tow.

Excuse me?

That's a good question.

I'm somewhere in Jersey by an ocean.

Yes, I'm right off the highway.

No I'm not, I'm not sure.

(phone ringing)

Peter Abano.

Yes, yeah.

I'm away for the weekend

and I'm not really taking any calls.

No.

Yeah, well Lee, that's what stocks do.

They go down.

Sometimes they go up

but more often now, you know, they just go down.

You know, like everything in life,

it goes down, down, down.

Spiraling into a pit of despair filled with fetid waste

and you just find yourself questioning

the very essence of reality.

The entropy that surrounds and engulfs us all

and nothing will save you.

Your portfolio, your stocks,

because you will ultimately die alone.

Call you on Monday.

Love to Jeanie and the kids, bye.

Young lady now.

Where is he?

Oh he's outside.

If he's smoking, I'm gonna kill him.

I'm gonna rip his lungs out with my bare hands.

Yeah, my husband is famous for his bedside manor.

(soft reflective guitar music)

(indistinct party chatter)

Remember what I said about no gag gifts?

Yeah, we told everybody.

Did you?

This is a party, your party, okay?

Try and have fun.

You know, you used to be fun, like back in the 90s.

You, you joked.

You charmed, you flirted.

I flirted?

-Yeah. -Yeah.

Flirted, me?

-Yeah. -Yeah, you flirted.

So it is a party go make something incredible happen.

Something incredible.

Yes, go, go, go.

You think I can't do it?

No, I don't think you can do it?

Oh really?

Want to see me?

Yeah, I'd like to see you in action.

Okay.

Show us how it's done.

Hold my drink.

What have I got to lose?

Hey.

Hey.

How's it going?

Yeah, everything's great.

Fun party, dude.

Yeah.

Oh happy birthday.

Oh thank you.

You are?

Brandon.

Brandon, oh.

Nice to see you.

Yeah.

So you um.

You're on your own?

Sort of.

What's sort of mean?

Its uh.

Oh let me.

Let me make you Peter punch.

Oh I'm--

No, it really like packs a wallop.

Oh, no, no thanks.

I can't.

You're uh, worried about driving home?

Oh it's not that.

My parents are here.

Your parents?

Yeah, the Greenbergs.

They won't let me touch a drop till I'm legal.

Oh yeah, that young couple over there.

Oh by the way, guess what?

What?

You know, I actually went to high school

with Micky, your godson.

Of course you did.

Yeah, I mean, well he was a senior

when I was a sophomore.

-Yeah. -Yeah.

Anyway.

Have fun.

Yeah.

-(soft upbeat music) -(indistinct chatter)

My dignity.

That's what I had to lose.

No, no, no.

Hang on in there, Petey.

Oh god, I don't want to hang in there anymore.

Sweetie come on.

Holy shit.

-What? -What?

Holy shit.

What?

Uh nothing.

You need a drink.

I'm gonna get you a big drink.

-That's good. -Holy shit.

If you two leave me, I swear to god

I will kill you in your sleep.

No, no, no we got you.

No, no, you bet.

Caroline, lovely to see you.

Edward, pleasures as always.

I took a chance I was still invited.

-Yes, of course. -Yeah.

-Definitely, yeah. -Yes, always.

Well good, good, good.

Hello, Peter.

Hi, Rodney.

I think we're gonna let you guys chat.

Yes, good idea.

(eerie dramatic music)

(screaming)

So, Peter.

Nice day for a party.

I really only wanted to pop in and say something,

birthday greeting from me to you

and this is not a happy birthday message

but it is related.

Ready?

Here it is.

My dearest friend was broken up

after five years with a cell phone call.

No.

Albert, we've given this more than a fair shot, okay.

It's been five years.

In the gay world that's like five relationships right there.

Maybe 10.

After five years of caring for you,

putting up with your moods, your depressions,

which would make Eeyore look like Richard Simmons.

Oh and your constant need for booze.

You just broke the heart of a truly great man.

No, I don't want you coming here.

I don't want you calling me.

Just stop.

So I just wanted to come here

to see for myself, to make sure,

that you, Peter Abano,

was having a truly unhappy birthday.

Well, you look unhappy.

Terribly unhappy

and that makes me happy.

Unhappy birthday, Peter.

(somber guitar music)

Oh please god, let this be a stroke.

Hey, birthday boy!

♪ Happy birthday to you ♪

♪ Happy birthday dear Peter ♪

♪ Happy birthday to you ♪

(somber guitar music)

Is that in gay inches?

I have no clue.

Hey anybody want cake?

Uh no.

Uh, I haven't had it since second grade,

so probably not.

Oh yeah, not since your first drag contest, Micah.

(laughing)

Whatever bitch, you don't know.

Yeah sure.

Anyway, Peter's blowing out the candles.

(blows raspberry)

Yeah just prior to eating the whole thing by himself

in record time.

Oh leave him alone.

He wasn't always so fluffy.

Well he used to be almost kind of hot.

-I heard that. -What?

No way.

Well he's got to blow something.

(laughing)

(indistinct chatter)

(urinating)

Oh hey.

-Sorry. -No, no.

Hi, I'm Micah.

I'm Caleb.

But it's okay, we don't have to shake.

Maybe you don't.

Oh.

I think I caught you looking.

(laughing)

Hang on.

Well come on in.

Get in here.

Come join the party.

What's up, man?

Better late than never, bud.

All right, big boy.

We just served the cake

and they finished all their caterwauling.

Here's the tour of the house

where you'll be bored to death.

You don't want to (stammering) worry about that

and over here is where you want to be.

It's where all the cool guys hang out.

Oh, boys.

Look what the cat dragged in.

(laughing)

[All] Hi.

(laughing)

It's my turn, it's my turn.

Come on, come on, come on.

It's my turn.

It's my turn.

(laughing)

Oh passion pack.

Yeah, for someone who's 50 years old.

See, we got your multivitamins.

We got your easy open condoms.

How could we forget the geratic jelly

and don't forget a big tube

of Bengay 'cause you know you gonna need this afterwards.

(laughing)

Pete, Pete.

Make sure that you don't confuse the last two.

(laughing)

(somber guitar music)

-(laughing) -(coughing)

[Man] My little tinkler over there.

So here you go, mystery man.

Thanks, bro.

Dude, I can't tell you how much I needed this.

[Man] Bro?

Oh he's so straight.

Hey, pasta's straight until you boil it.

(laughing)

(whispering)

(somber guitar music)

Whoa, whoa.

Are you looking for something?

Sorry, honey, I was just making sure you're awake.

Hey, look.

We're gonna go over to Asbury, go to Paradise,

do some dancing.

What do you think?

You want to join?

I mean that sounds fun.

I might catch up with you guys.

I gotta pee and I'll just catch up with you.

All right.

I think I've heard that one before

but here's my card and you can call me

when you're ready.

Okay?

And get you're rest, you're gonna need your energy.

Bye, John Cena.

(laughing)

Bye, love you.

See you soon.

(snoring)

(whispering)

(reflective music)

Riding our bikes.

Flying our x-wing fighters

down the trench of the Death Star.

Take the shot Red seven, I got you covered.

You always had me covered.

(reflective music)

We're just gonna leave him where he is.

We'll go to bed.

I'll be there up in a sec.

(soft reflective music)

Hi.

Hey.

I haven't seen you before?

Are you part of the trivia group?

No, no, I'm just a friend.

Oh.

What is the boy's club leaving?

Yeah, they're going dancing.

Oh, of course.

I just need to use the bathroom.

Yeah, sure.

You know where it is.

Yeah, see you.

(soft reflective music)

Fucking Albert, fucking Rodney.

Fuck Rodney, fuck Albert.

Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck!

(soft reflective music)

Hi.

Hi.

He looks like John Cena.

Hey, have you tried?

What?

Excuse me?

The water, see if it's warm, go for a swim?

I've try never to go swimming when I'm drunk.

Yeah but I would.

Yeah, me too.

So are you?

Am I what?

Are you drunk?

No, if anything I'm a little high.

I smoked with some of the guys.

And you got out with the clothes on?

My god, it's like throwing chum into a shark tank.

So, you live around here?

Not around here.

Where do you live?

Far far away.

Ah, Jupiter.

Something like that.

Caleb.

Pete.

So, Caleb.

Can I call you Cal?

Please don't.

Okay, I won't.

I was just wondering who the birthday party was for?

Oh you don't know?

Someone old.

What the guy 50 or something?

Oh I don't think 50 is old.

Ah well--

You know what, one day we're gonna turn 50

and some young punk is gonna talk to us--

I never want to grow old.

Oh I see.

Now what's wrong with growing old?

It's, you know old.

No one finds you attractive, that sort of thing.

You know I found a lot of 50 years old attractive.

You do?

Yeah in fact I don't find anyone under 30 attractive.

Why not?

All pretty faces with no soul to speak of.

Oh no soul?

No, none whatsoever.

Well, I like my men older than me.

You know, I think it's great growing old.

You know you get to use what you've learned

from life's lessons

and believe me, those lessons just keep on coming.

Learn how to speak to people, for example.

You're not constantly on your cellphone

looking for a connection

when there's someone standing in front of you speaking.

It's great growing old.

Oh, sorry.

It's my birthday today.

I'm the one turning 50.

Oh, I'm sorry.

What, why?

That I'm 50?

I'm not.

You don't look 50.

How old do I look?

Not 50.

How old?

25.

Fuck you.

Look, I don't know how old you look but it's not 50.

Oh great, a half compliment.

It's true.

One day, you wait.

It goes faster than you think.

So you want to go for a walk?

What?

You know out by the water.

A walk out by the water with you?

Yeah.

Where's my cane?

Cane?

Yeah.

You got a whole bunch of dick gifts.

Yeah.

So you want to go?

Why what, because you think you'd be doing

me a favor or something like that?

Oh no, no, please.

I want you to go.

Please.

He's hot and probably carrying a knife.

I mean isn't that how all these Lifetime movies start?

I'll be right back.

Oh, great.

Back to Jupiter.

He found the escape hatch and he took it.

50 years old and stood up at the fucking prom.

Again.

(laughing)

Fucking great, fucking great.

Hey, Pete.

Let's go.

Pete.

Abano.

To Pete Abano and his half a century.

I said you could say 50.

I did not say you could say half a century.

Okay, all right.

To Pete Abano on his 50th birthday.

Thank you, Caleb.

Caleb.

Caleb John Breen.

Caleb John Breen.

Caleb John Breen.

Described by his neighbors as quiet

had few hobbies, except for slaughtering

chubby, naive 50 year old gay men

and putting their remains in his collection

of mason jars.

(reflective guitar music)

What are you doing?

What do you think I'm doing?

Closing your eyes, making a wish.

Okay, I'll bite.

What did you wish for?

Well if I told you, it wouldn't come true.

Oh okay.

Your turn.

-Close your eyes. -No, no.

-I don't things like that. -Come on.

No, no.

You don't?

Absolutely not.

Did you on your birthday candles?

Well, that's different.

How?

It is and that's all.

How is it different?

'Cause on your birthday cake

you ask for something reasonable.

Good health, more hair, a working dick.

When you ask something of the stars,

oh that's asking a lot

and I can't do that.

What do you want?

What do you think you'll never get?

I have everything I've ever wanted.

Really?

Really.

Why do you drink so much?

Oh I do not.

You're drinking straight from the bottle.

I brought these--

You know what, hey, it's good for you.

You should try it.

No, I can't.

It's really faster.

I think you'll like it.

Come on.

All right, what the hell.

Down the hatch.

See?

Why do you drink so much?

I drink so much

because I have everything

and I have nothing.

(reflective guitar music)

I see.

(reflective guitar music)

Okay.

If.

I would wish for a prince, a soldier,

someone to pick me up and carry me away from all this.

That's, that's what I would ask the stars for.

You never got it?

Do you see me here with anyone

on the weekend of my big 5-0?

Well what you wish for as a kid?

When I was a kid all the boys

all they wished for was Farrah.

Farrah Fawcett.

Well, I could only think about George Reeves

in his superman costume.

Wait, isn't it Christopher, Christopher Reeves?

Oh my god.

Nevermind.

No, tell me.

Tell you what?

Tell me about wishing for your superman.

What's there to tell?

-Tell me, damn it. -Come on, tell you what?

Tell me about the first time you were in love.

Oh.

Here, let me think.

No, no, no.

It's not true love if you have to think about.

Yeah but--

No, no.

No thinking.

Okay.

All right.

Who was he?

I was about 11 years old

with Edward's family for the summer on Long Island.

Montauk.

Well it was there

where my fantasy of falling in love with superman began.

Who was he?

Jim the lifeguard.

[Caleb] Of course.

He was everything I never was

and when he wasn't working

or coming to give the boys swimming lessons, you know,

not me.

I was terrified of the water.

In fact, it wasn't even till August

that he noticed me.

Oh I noticed him, though

and he comes up to me.

He's like, "Hey, I haven't seen you in the water."

And I'm like, oh I'm too fat,

all the other kids are gonna make fun of me.

Then he said to me, "Oh yeah?

I used to be fat, too."

That did it.

And that made it,

every second he was my only thought

and I started to feel something

I had never felt before.

Just couldn't stop thinking about him.

I couldn't get any sleep that night

and I had to take a walk.

I went out to the beach.

I mean, it was dark, it was early in the morning

and the sun came up and I'm standing there

and of course, into that light

Jim comes strolling by

and he comes up to me and he says,

"What are you doing?"

What am I doing?

Oh I don't know, Jim hunky spunky lifeguard,

I'm dreaming about you naked

and jumping on top me that's what--

You said that?

No, I didn't.

I wish I did but I didn't, no.

I just said nothing but,

then he asked me to take a swim with him.

Okay, what happened?

Well I was still terrified to go in the water

but I figured I have to face it, right?

I mean to go under the water, panicked

but he had one of those diving masks.

Oh, I also asked him if he would drop rocks

while I'm under the water

because I loved watching bubbles float up

from the bottom of the water,

you know like Alka Seltzer

and he said he would.

So I put on the mask.

I take a breath, I go under.

It was the first time I was that close

to another man

and then the first rock splashed

and the second rock splashed

and I'm looking up and I'm seeing his smiling face

and I'm floating in this aquatic paradise

then he reaches down with his arms

and he swoops me up and he picks me up

and I felt his wet skin against mine

and I knew what the feeling was.

I knew what I was.

I said, again, again.

He drops me back down and the rocks are coming up

and the bubbles and every one of those million bubbles

went through my 11 year old heart

and he dropped a rock on my head.

Oh geeze.

(laughing)

He didn't even know I was hurt.

Oh he was looking at something else.

His girlfriend.

She was walking up the beach toward him.

Well, at least he held my hand

when I went into the water with him

and after that I became the man

who's here beside you today.

So what about you?

Me?

Yeah.

Who was your first love?

I don't want to talk about it.

After I just told you all that?

I mean, I appreciate it.

I just told you everything,

you're gonna get hurt.

Why don't you tell me.

(laughing)

Please don't hurt me.

I would never hurt you.

What is he looking at?

Is he gonna be disgusted by what he sees?

His lips, his lips are so soft.

I can feel his heartbeat in his lips.

Wow.

Is it possible he's even drunker than I am?

Then wouldn't that be something?

Waking up with this next to you?

I mean god, it's every young drunk stud's nightmare.

Has no one ever seen how beautiful you are?

Has no one seen it?

I don't know what's happening here

but I've never been with anyone else like you.

He's looking at you like you're beautiful.

When was the last time anyone ever looked at you this way?

Oh.

[Both] I hope this night never ends.

(upbeat guitar music)

(goofy suspenseful music)

Petey, Petey?

Are you awake?

Huh?

Oh, Caroline, no.

Oh I was asleep.

I was sound asleep, yeah.

I just thought I heard some noise.

Oh you know what, I think Dee Dee was in the bathroom

and you know her.

I'm surprised the neighbors didn't complain.

Well, goodnight.

You know we have blankets upstairs already.

Can I keep this one?

I bonded with it?

Wait, wait where are your shoes?

I have no idea.

I'll look for them tomorrow.

Goodnight.

Since I'm up, I'm gonna grab myself some juice.

Do you want me to get you anything?

Thanks.

But I have everything I need up there.

How do I go,

how do I go in there?

Cool, right?

Like unbutton a button or.

Oh wait a minute.

Is he undressing?

Should I be standing?

Ah, no, laying on the bed.

Okay, all right.

Shirt on, oh let me stand by the window

and I'll turn and look at him.

You see, 'cause I really want

to see him undress, you know.

Although, not as much as I want to undress him.

Although, I'd really like to have him undress me, too.

I mean, it's complicated.

You know 'cause I'm gonna see him undress,

he wants to undress him, I just want

to see him undress basically.

All right, shirt off, shirt off,

no shirt on socks off.

Oh geeze.

Wait a minute, did he start without me?

Hey there.

Hey there.

What a relief.

I thought I would be the clumsy one.

Wow.

You're subtle, I like that.

Yeah.

I uh.

I used to be a Boy Scout, you know.

Be prepared.

Although nothing in my life has prepared me for this.

It's um.

It's been awhile for me.

Yeah, me, too.

(soft romantic music)

(phone vibrating)

(somber string music)

(soft tense music)

(echoing laughter)

(soft tense rock music)

(shouting)

Where am I?

Oh fuck.

What is it?

I was having a nightmare.

Are you okay?

It must have been a bad one.

I was drowning.

That's the ocean.

Too much ocean.

(soft tense music)

Are you okay?

Yeah, I'm okay.

You sure?

Yeah, I'm good.

Come back to bed.

(soft somber music)

Holy shit.

Holy shit, holy shit, holy shit.

(lighthearted music)

No, no, no.

You know the big built guy outside?

That's the guy.

Bare ass naked yes.

Yes, he looks like,

oh my god, like Chris Pratt.

No, John Cena.

Yes, right.

Like John Cena.

I know, lucky guy, right?

All right, listen, you got to get over here.

We're not gonna let this momentous occasion

slip by without celebrating.

Come on.

That's true.

Just come on over, okay?

All right.

All right, we'll see you guys soon.

Okay, okay, bye, bye.

(laughing)

Oh my god.

[Caleb] I'm gonna get some coffee before my jog.

Wear my robe.

You don't want to give Caroline a thrill

or Edward a heart attack.

(soft guitar music)

So, you want some coffee?

Sure.

You know what bitches we are without our coffee.

All right, two coffees coming up.

Great.

Don't I even get a good morning kiss?

Sure.

Good morning.

(lighthearted music)

I don't want to be a daddy.

Why doesn't he just go?

Just tell him to go.

Why is he...

Wait a minute, is he gonna charge me?

Do you think he's gonna charge him?

Does he think I'm gonna charge him?

Okay, listen.

Last night was incredible.

You are beyond amazing

but you can't,

you can't go to brunch with me and my friends.

You're allowed to go.

Haven't you read the rules?

That's what you do.

You go.

I mean, really just think about it.

There's you and there's me.

I mean.

Why would you want this?

Come to think of it, why would he want this?

Touche, Petey boy.

I had to go undercover as one of you fruit flies.

Turns out one of your chum is KGB,

he's planning a huge chemical attack with nerve gas

that's gonna make every gay man lose his fashion sense.

You and I both know we can't let that happen.

Possible.

But more likely he's recognized that I'm a little bit,

you know, comfortable.

Okay, so here's the Visa.

Visa Platinum, MasterCard, Discover card,

and the American Express

and here is the key to the Mercedes.

Thanks bro, later.

So we'll finish this later then?

Okay.

(lighthearted tense jazzy music)

Or worse yet.

What say it rubs the lotion all over it's skin.

Bingo.

(lighthearted music)

So you're visiting?

Yeah.

Cool.

Who are you visiting?

No one.

Oh.

What are you shocked?

I don't know.

You guys, you're something else.

You guys?

Yeah, don't you believe in a little adventure.

What do you mean you guys?

I didn't mean anything by it.

Of course you didn't.

You know what, I don't think I understand

one thing that's happened here.

Pete, why are you getting upset?

You are not telling me anything about you.

I'm married.

Married?

Yes.

Happily?

I'm married to a woman.

You know, is that all?

(laughing)

Does she know?

About this?

Yeah.

About little things like this.

No.

You don't tell her?

Why would I tell her?

You two are married after all.

That's a long story.

I guess there's just some things

that she wouldn't understand.

No, she wouldn't.

You know what, see I understand that.

Her not understanding.

You see, I understand that.

Look, I just--

You know what, why don't you just go on your jog?

I don't feel like it anymore.

Oh really?

I want to stay here with you.

I just thought that's what you guys did

to keep guys like us interested in you.

I want to go back to sleep

and wake up in your arms.

That's so funny.

I never knew straight boys

like to wake up in gay boys arms.

I'm bisexual, all right?

Yeah, oh maybe.

No, decidedly.

Yeah, well I still think you should push off.

You got something to do today?

You know what?

Isn't the wife expecting you at some point?

No, actually.

Well yes.

You know what, I've got things to do.

Yeah, like what?

Brunch.

Brunch is sacred.

(organ music)

You just said--

Wait, what did I say?

Come back to bed.

I changed my mind.

I thought we could spend the summer together.

Oh yeah, really?

And where you gonna live?

With you.

With me?

(doorbell rings)

[Caleb] What are you afraid of?

What am I afraid of?

Oh, you know, I don't know.

You meet a guy at a party.

You pick him up, he tells you that he's married.

Bisexual and he wants to live with you.

I mean what is there for me to be afraid of?

So you've been hurt.

And?

Well brush that one off.

I've just broken up with someone.

[Caleb] Who?

My partner of nearly five years.

[Caleb] When?

Yesterday.

[Caleb] He broke up with you on your birthday?

Oh as if there's a perfect time.

[Caleb] That's true.

And he didn't dump me, I dumped him.

Why?

I don't want to tell you.

He cheated.

No.

Well yes.

Sort of, yeah.

So you don't love him?

(soft reflective music)

And he doesn't love you?

So you ended it?

Yeah.

Why?

'Cause I wanted someone who could.

How could anyone not?

Things change.

Did he ever love you?

Oh.

I don't know.

Maybe.

Did he ever say he didn't love you?

No.

He didn't need to.

How could you tell?

I saw it in his eyes.

The eyes?

Yeah.

The eyes never lie.

Then look at me.

Look me in my eyes.

I'm happy.

Oh, why?

Because of my breakup?

Yeah, he doesn't deserve you.

Who does?

I don't know but I think I'm falling in love.

Oh no.

Please, please, please.

Don't use that word.

I didn't even tell my dog I loved him

until his seventh birthday.

So?

He ran away the next day.

(shouts)

(laughing)

Someone tell a joke.

Let me stay with you--

No, you will not stay with me.

You need me.

No, I'm sorry.

Fine by myself.

I don't think you can afford to live on your own.

What a lousy salesman you are.

I think you want me to stay.

Oh really?

Then why haven't I asked?

Why, tell me why?

No, you're turn.

What's keeping you from being happy?

Happy, I am happy.

Look at me.

-I'm perfectly happy. -Oh bullshit.

Well what about you?

What about me?

You look incredibly happy.

I am.

Please just tell me the truth.

You're really straight right?

Yeah, straight to this.

Oh, no, no.

Don't touch him.

No, leave him.

Oh shit.

I can't breathe.

Oh fuck, I can't breathe.

Pete.

(panting)

Oh great, there's that panic attack I ordered.

Peter.

Caleb.

[All] Peter!

Oh shut up.

I'm happy I met you.

Oh shut up, please.

I think I've fallen for you--

Oh stop it.

I've fallen hard for you.

Fallen hard.

Please just do me a favor and admit it.

Come on, you're really straight, right?

I never said I was straight.

I said I was married and I'm getting a divorce.

I can't get involved with someone just coming out

or getting a divorce.

No, you can't get involved with anyone

dying to make you happy.

Oh I just got out of something, damn it

and maybe I need to learn how to do this alone.

For once.

You know, do this on my own.

Why can't we do this together?

My whole life I wanted to be free.

I did everything that anyone's ever told me to do.

I've been everything that people have told me to be

and I never felt free

and now I am and I want to be with you.

Please just,

just go away, all right?

I deserve to be alone.

You don't.

Pete, your heart is so good.

(soft reflective music)

Good.

How am I good?

Why, because I gave you good sex?

What happens when all the other queens out there

who are dying to get a piece of you

start coming after you?

Oh there's gonna be so many people

willing to give you sex.

It's gonna make your head spin.

Make you feel like you're on a cloud all your own.

What happens to me when one of them finally tempts you away?

You know it takes years to figure out who you are.

What's gonna happen to me when you finally found out?

You know...

You better go.

(soft somber music)

No.

Yeah, I think it's best.

Just get your things and go.

No, they're staying and I'm staying.

Just take your goddamn things and go!

No I have.

-I have-- -You have what?

I have nowhere else to go.

Okay, I have walked out of my life.

I just got up and walked out and it's killing me,

it's killing me that two people can meet

and share so much in such a short amount of time

and not be able to try to make it work.

Pete, you told me so much about yourself,

your dreams, your childhood.

I can't even tell you my wife's first crushes name.

Let me stay with you.

You don't understand, when you live your life,

and it may not be 50 years like yourself,

you realize it's been too long and too short.

I got to 30 years old and I realized

that I'm living a lie, a complete and utter lie.

Something happened last year and I almost died

and that changed things, that changed everything.

This is what I want.

(phone vibrating)

Okay and look, she's been texting me.

Where are you, I need you, I'm calling the cops.

You know, two days ago I decided

that this wasn't the life for me anymore.

Please, Pete.

Let me stay with you.

(somber string music)

I can't.

Fine.

(somber string music)

Where are you gonna go?

I told you.

You can't stay on the beach.

Oh why not?

You can't, they'll throw you off.

Well then let them.

These beaches are private.

Then I'll spend the time in jail.

Come on, come on.

Well, I'll go back to Buffalo.

Buffalo?

Yeah, that's where I live with Sally.

Oh my god, he really does live on Jupiter.

Any kids?

Yeah, my boy Cory.

You better just go home then.

Okay.

Damn it, I don't have a home.

All right, I have a coffin.

That's what I'm going back to, a coffin

and I'm bringing her and Cory in that coffin with me.

We're all suffocating 'cause it's a lie.

Pete, I left and I can breathe again.

Do you know what it's like to breathe?

Yeah but I can't breathe right now.

Why can't we breathe together?

Pete, have you ever felt so close with someone so quickly?

No.

That's why I can't breathe right now, okay?

I don't know you.

Get to know me.

(soft reflective music)

Hey do you want to go to brunch

or do you want to take a shower,

spend the afternoon together?

You're all on your own for brunch today.

[Man] But brunch is sacred.

(somber organ music)

I um.

I love you all for what you've done

and I thank you.

But right now,

Caleb and I are gonna take a shower!

(light laughter)

Thank you.

Oh if you guys can bring up some extra sandwiches,

that would be great.

(laughing)

(soft reflective music)

All right.

Come on in.

Okay, you two are gonna be on set up.

You two, decoration committee, okay?

You two...

What's your favorite band?

Beatles.

Nice.

You?

Breaking Benjamin.

What?

You know them?

No.

All right, favorite color.

Burgundy.

I like a drinkable color.

Oh, I like candy green, I like an edible color.

Oh good one.

(lighthearted whimsical music)

What was your favorite toy growing up?

Oh, you're gonna laugh at me.

But I used to love my model train set.

I still do.

Seriously, no kidding?

I have a small set in my basement.

My whole basement is an alpine village

with mountains, a cable car.

Oh my god, I love it.

I've been working on it for years.

I want to see it.

There's just something about it.

Is you're creating--

Creating your own little world.

Right.

And all the little people, your putting

the trains there always...

Just moving forward, going places.

Traveling.

How come I can't stop looking at you?

'Cause the eyes never lie.

(soft romantic music)

-All right. -What?

Here's the real question.

Baseball team.

Yankees.

I was right.

I'm a Red Sox fan.

Oh don't let the door hit your ass

on the way out.

I was internally bleeding, so they rushed me

to the hospital, cut me from here to here.

The paramedics said if I was at the scene

for five more minutes than what I was,

then I would have been dead as well.

What does that do to you?

It can change your perspective on a lot of things.

Can you still ride a bike?

Yeah I wanted to when I was still in the hospital.

I missed it, I needed it.

The wind in my face, the freedom.

Yeah see, I don't understand that.

I don't.

I got a food poisoning at a restaurant

and I don't even drive down the same street it's on.

I'll get you on a bike.

No, you will not.

Wait, I got one.

Favorite city.

Only the best in the world, New York.

Oh good.

But for me, Firenze.

What is that?

That's Florence, in Italiano.

Oh you speak Italian?

(speaking Italian)

Oh teach me, teach me some Italian.

Oh my god, fine.

You like this, is this doing it for you?

Is this getting your engine,

'cause if you want.

(speaking Italian)

Just keep the tongue in my ear.

(speaking Italian)

(laughing)

(upbeat lighthearted music)

(fire crackling)

Your friends are awesome.

Yeah, well they're obviously very taken with you, too.

They love you lots.

Look at this.

Well, I love them but

I just, I don't get to see them enough.

Albert is always in Paris or New York

and with families and couples,

I'd rather just be on my own sometimes, you know?

(soft jazzy music)

You know you're gonna have to go back right?

When I was 10 years old

I came home from school,

my mother sat me down and told me

my father was gone and was never coming back.

That was it.

Call him, Caleb.

Somebody has to be the grown up here

and it can't be a seven year old kid.

You don't know what she's like.

Oh don't I?

I know what monsters we can become.

I was just like, I could escape.

I'm happy I left, too.

I'm ready to start my new life

but they will always be a part of it and my family.

Why did you chose the Jersey Shore

to run away to?

We used to vacation here when I was a little kid.

My dad and I used to play ski ball.

I was hoping to find an old arcade.

You like ski ball?

I love it.

I know a place.

I'm gonna kick your ass.

Oh bring it on.

If I can survive yet another night with you,

tomorrow I might be bed ridden

and hooked up to a saline drip.

Please.

All you need to do is keep active and get out more.

Oh yeah?

You just need to break out of your shell a bit more.

I beg your pardon?

Come on.

What?

Come on.

What?

[Caleb] Peter, get up and shake your booty.

My booty has been shook quite enough, thank you.

-Peter. -Caleb.

-Come on. -I don't dance.

[Caleb] I think you want to.

♪ Getting my heart broken ♪

Please don't watch.

Okay.

(romantic country music)

♪ His smile is sweet ♪

♪ His hands are perfect ♪

♪ I want to see him again ♪

♪ Do you think I'm worth it ♪

♪ I feel ♪

♪ Oh I'm old enough to know ♪

♪ Some things ♪

♪ You hold on to ♪

♪ And some you let go ♪

♪ And he's just a man ♪

♪ But he does it to me ♪

♪ He does it to me ♪

♪ Yeah yeah yeah ♪

♪ Oh yeah yeah yeah ♪

(soft guitar music)

♪ On the winds ♪

♪ See the love shine down ♪

I can't think of a way to make this a better birthday.

I can.

(shouting)

You crazy jackass.

I am.

What if I drowned?

I would save you.

Oh just in case, is there such a thing

as preventative mouth to mouth resuscitation?

Oh yeah.

(low tense music)

Well.

Look at the trash the tide washed in.

Albert.

It's not what it looks like.

[Albert] Well so, you've had your fun.

Can we be serious now?

Okay, let's be serious.

[Albert] What's that on your shoulder?

What?

[Albert] It's a bite mark.

Come on, I'm sure it's just a rash.

Okay, let's talk, all right.

[Albert] All right.

There's another on your ass.

You should see the other guy?

What is he then?

Just a guy.

Somebody who came to the party last night.

Okay?

Yeah, sure.

Christmas lights.

Champagne.

Oh yes.

Huh?

A candle light romantic oasis.

Just leftovers from the party last night.

Are you sure this isn't something

that's been going on for awhile?

He's just a guy who drifted in, okay?

Oh, talk about your driftwood.

Oh so what about you and all the waiters

from the (speaks Italian)?

He was just a guy.

He's nobody, he's nothing.

This has nothing to do with him.

This has to do with you and me.

This is mine.

Caleb, I.

I have to talk to him.

I'll be downstairs.

(soft tense music)

(soft reflective music)

Cory, it's Dad.

I'm fine, how are you, little buddy?

That's good.

I'm uh, I'm by a beach somewhere.

Do you remember when we went to the beach?

Me, you, and mommy used to take you.

We used to rub suntan lotion on you

'cause you'd burn so easily.

I'll be home soon.

I promise, I will.

I love you so much.

All right.

I'll see you soon, okay?

(soft reflective music)

Albert.

Albert.

Huh?

Did I ever tell you about the time

when I was little out in Long Island

about my first love?

(groaning)

(somber guitar music)

So do you know what you're gonna do now?

I need to get my bike and go home.

I got some unfinished business I need to take care of.

Need a lift to garage?

Yeah, I do.

How bout you eat something before you go?

No, I'm not really hungry.

I do want to go to the beach, though.

Tell me when you're ready.

I'll take you to get your bike.

Thank you.

Are they back together?

I don't know.

Good morning.

Good morning.

Long time no see.

Yes.

When was the last time I was here?

When was the last time, honey?

I recall tinsel.

Christmas maybe.

Sorry, that we missed you at Edward and Marco's big 5-0s.

You know, friends.

Yes, good old besties.

Yeah, they're like brothers.

Edward is in June and then Marco is July

and of course Petey was just last night.

Yes, in fact I'm making a vacation

in Greece for us to make up for last night.

I have a friend who has a house down there.

We can stay there whenever we like.

It's no problem.

Lovely.

I'm sure that will be great for both of you.

Breakfast is served.

None for him.

Merci.

(phone vibrating)

(speaking French)

I'm sorry, it's business.

(speaking French)

I'm sorry.

Business on a Sunday in France?

Think about it, Petey.

(soft somber music)

He went down to the beach.

Go to him.

I can't face him.

Why?

Because when you look him in the eye

you might not be able to take the easy way

out this time?

You think this is easy?

Peter.

Go to him.

Well.

This is gonna suck.

Sorry about last night.

It's okay.

No, I mean really.

I'm sick over it.

It's okay, you don't have to say anything else.

You going back to him?

Yeah.

I was looking for you.

I wanted to talk, Edward said that you were here.

He's taking me to get my bike, it's ready.

I left my credit card.

I would have paid for it.

I don't need your fucking money.

You're right.

I shouldn't have said that.

I'm sorry.

Oh you're sorry?

You're sorry again?

I am, yeah.

Let me ask you something.

Did anything that happened between us

did that mean anything to you?

It meant everything.

But everything isn't enough?

So much more to it than that.

There's what you have.

There's what I have.

I'm just being practical.

Oh practical's fucking boring.

What's magical about practical?

What's fantastic about it?

Nothing.

You were miserable, I was miserable.

Not being happy is not the same thing

as being miserable.

Oh god, even I don't believe that.

So you'd rather just be miserable?

I made a commitment.

Yeah, so did I.

All right and commitments change, people change

and when you're in a bad relationship

you're just asking to grow old.

You made me feel better and happier and younger

than anyone else in my entire life

but my life is gonna shorter than yours.

-What kind of future-- -The future.

Yeah, what kind of future are we gonna have?

You can predict the future now?

What if tomorrow my bike and I ride off a bridge

or next week you're hit by a construction crane

in the city?

What happens after a month or a year

and we get tired of one another?

Yeah, we fall back into that same old rot

and you end up...

Have you ever felt anything like this?

No.

Then how do you know?

Just the way things are.

Look, you know.

You're still young.

You can change your life.

Maybe you could remember me as someone who helped you--

Helped me?

Oh how noble of you.

Thank you, thank you, Peter

for setting me free.

You know what you need in your life?

Someone to tell you're a big fucking baby

who needs a giant kick in the ass.

You need some,

you need someone to scream in your immature face

that you just can't leave a wife and kid behind.

Yeah, you may think you can.

You can just go off and start a whole new life

but you'll go back, you have to.

You're gonna see your devastated wife,

your sad little boy and you're gonna settle

just like I did.

I'll never forget you.

Yeah, well I hope I forget you.

Yeah, well, um.

I'd rather you hate and remember me than forget me.

Wait.

Don't we gotta kiss goodbye?

I don't think that's a very good idea.

A hug?

(soft reflective music)

Last night, you asked me who my first true love was,

my first true love, I didn't answer.

Remember?

Remember?

I was afraid to say that it was you.

I saw into you, I listened to you.

Everything I've had before this meant nothing.

I wanted you to know that.

(soft somber music)

Well I...

I told you this was gonna suck.

(sobbing)

[Edward] So do you love my best friend?

I do.

I really do.

Why?

Why do you love him?

I mean he makes me laugh when I want to cry.

He opened up to me like I was someone special.

When he hugs me I just never want him to let me go.

He has a really big heart.

[Edward] That's why we all love him.

Yeah, well I heard the conversation

between him and Albert, so.

He didn't mean whatever he said to Albert.

He, but he was trying to explain the unexplainable

and what you two had is unexplainable.

Making big decisions are not one of Peter's strengths.

He still has a (mumbles) account and a VCR.

In fact, multiple VCRS for his hundreds of tapes

and none of them porn.

Just classic old movies.

Peter does not embrace change.

[Caleb] So what are you trying to say?

I'm saying that Peter's loyal.

In college, once these frat boys

were making fun of my blue Capezio shoes.

It was the 80s, all right.

They were drunk and wanted to fight

and one of them pushed me

and Peter attacked them like a killer gorilla.

He flipped over a table and everything.

And then what?

And then they beat him to a pulp for 10 minutes.

And then?

And then I decided to switch to pre-med.

(laughing)

He lost a lot

and he was afraid a lot.

Was he happy with you this weekend?

Yeah I like to think so.

When I met Caroline, I knew within the first

two minutes that I was in love, I knew it.

I just want him to be happy.

Do you think that you both could be?

(somber guitar music)

So, maybe this time with what we both have learned

this time we can do it right, huh?

Yeah.

It's important to do things right.

Soon, everything will be back to normal.

You'll see.

(phone vibrating)

Caroline, I'm so sorry about all this big fuss

but we'll be back to see both of you soon.

-Excuse me. -Tomorrow I have

to get up early for a call to France

and then I have to go into the city

-to the apartment. -Excuse me.

[Albert] God, I have a thousand things to do.

I said excuse me!

Please.

[Albert] What is it, Peter?

Could you kindly put down the fucking phone?

Caroline, honey, would you give us a minute, please?

Yeah, of course.

Albert.

What we had once was good.

But you have to admit that our normal

isn't so good.

Now, look I may not be ready to move on

with somebody new,

somebody who I'm quickly realizing

understands love, life better than I do

but I know one thing for sure.

I'm better off on my own.

(speaking French)

(soft guitar music)

Here.

My business card, take it.

For what?

Never a bad thing to have a doctor's private cellphone.

Just in case you get into trouble.

Thanks man.

Thanks for taking me to get my bike.

(soft rock music)

(cursing in French)

Need to talk?

Do I ever?

(phone ringing)

Hey, Care.

Oh fuck!

♪ Thought you were ♪

♪ Someone who was good for me ♪

♪ Thought you were ♪

♪ (Vocalizing) ♪

(soft rock music)

♪ (Vocalizing) ♪

What are you going to do?

Learn to get by on my own.

For once.

You'll never be on your own.

We love you.

I know.

Oh me, I.

I'm no longer a we person.

We.

(laughs)

You gonna miss Albert?

Are you?

Hell no.

Well thank you for your honesty.

How did he look when he left?

Well, as a straight man

I can only say that he looks incredible on a bike.

You saw him ride away then?

Yeah, I did.

Here we go.

You need help with your bag?

With my bag, no.

With my baggage, maybe.

(groaning)

Oh, by the way.

I'm not giving you an IOU for your birthday.

Okay.

(soft reflective music)

(soft reflective music)

(soft upbeat music)

♪ You make me happy ♪

♪ Like the glittering tug ♪

♪ In my heart ♪

♪ That makes my life glow ♪

♪ You make me happy ♪

♪ With the feelings of life ♪

♪ Right wherever I go ♪

♪ Trouble had come ♪

♪ Oh how it defined me ♪

♪ Sorrow had won ♪

♪ You put it all behind me ♪

♪ No turning back now ♪

♪ With you there's open doors ♪

♪ Nothing could dim ♪

♪ Or ever take away ♪

♪ Or make it within ♪

♪ Or ever fade away ♪

♪ I call you mine ♪

♪ And you call me yours ♪

♪ I won't ever ask you why ♪

♪ Not fade away ♪

♪ And won't think twice ♪

♪ This is my dream ♪

♪ It's finally coming true ♪

♪ You make me happy ♪