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1
00:00:06,861 --> 00:00:08,861
♫ (musical alarm clock) De colores...
2
00:00:09,426 --> 00:00:11,426
De colores se visten
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00:00:11,426 --> 00:00:13,173
los campos en la primavera.
4
00:00:14,117 --> 00:00:16,117
Corey!
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00:00:16,709 --> 00:00:18,709
♫ De colores...
6
00:00:19,553 --> 00:00:20,760
(Alarm off)
7
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Ow!
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00:00:33,813 --> 00:00:35,813
(snoring)
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00:00:40,940 --> 00:00:42,400
Corey! You gotta get up!
10
00:00:42,879 --> 00:00:44,086
-You gotta get up!
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00:00:44,086 --> 00:00:46,086
No, c’mon you’re gonna be late.
12
00:00:46,087 --> 00:00:48,157
-You’re gonna be late.
13
00:00:48,778 --> 00:00:50,778
I called your mom.
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-I called YOUR mom.
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She’s gonna be here in a minute.
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(mumbling)
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- You never listen to me.
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(Mumbling)
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-Okay, I love you, I gotta go.
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Get up!
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I'm up!
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00:01:01,583 --> 00:01:03,555
-I'm up.
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-I'm up!
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More vibration.
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-It’s hard to catch a fish.
26
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Oh yeah, that's it...
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-You must be using the computer too much.
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You’re all in knots.
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-Are you really blaming the computer?!
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What is it?
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-I’m sorry, but I can’t sleep on this crappy
old futon anymore!
32
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My sister gave birth to beautiful twins on
this “crappy old futon!”
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-I know, and you haven’t even washed out
that nasty stain!
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I can’t.
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It looks too much like Jesus,
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or Che Guevara...
37
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I can’t decide which.
38
00:01:58,789 --> 00:02:03,819
-Listen, I really appreciate that you love
to collect odd shit...
39
00:02:03,819 --> 00:02:05,619
whimsical collectibles...
40
00:02:05,619 --> 00:02:09,140
-But clinging onto a futon mattress you’ve
had since middle school?
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00:02:09,140 --> 00:02:11,930
That’s beyond nostalgic.
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-Fine, we can get a new bed, but we’re not
throwing him away.
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…it.
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Shhh!
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Whatever- alright.
46
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Hey, you know what?
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I’m just gonna go by Drowzy’s tomorrow
on my lunch break.
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00:02:29,459 --> 00:02:31,010
-I don’t get out of work ‘til 5:00.
49
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Why don’t we go after work?
50
00:02:32,540 --> 00:02:34,150
-No, you don’t need to go.
51
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I know how you hate box stores.
52
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It’s fine.
53
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-Oh my god!
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You are embarrassed to shop for a mattress
with your husband,
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Because our sexy, manly sexuality will be
too much...
56
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You’re being ridiculous!
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00:02:51,579 --> 00:02:53,989
I’m very comfortable with who I am...
58
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I just prefer to come out on a need-to-know
basis.
59
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Yeah, well, I’m on a need-to-know what kind
of mattress we’ll be sleeping on basis.
60
00:03:04,980 --> 00:03:06,980
Fine.
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00:03:07,980 --> 00:03:09,989
Fine.
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00:03:10,989 --> 00:03:12,989
(sigh)
63
00:03:28,989 --> 00:03:30,989
This is pretty nice!
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Yeah, it’s pretty firm.
65
00:03:33,769 --> 00:03:36,769
Oh, it’s a thousand dollars.
66
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We are NOT making a baby on a cheap bed.
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Oh god.
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00:03:40,480 --> 00:03:43,959
Woman: We’re looking for a comfy bed.
69
00:03:43,959 --> 00:03:46,510
-Oh this one’s very comfy.
70
00:03:46,510 --> 00:03:47,459
Oh, really?
71
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-You wanna try it out?
72
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Okay.
73
00:03:51,209 --> 00:03:53,209
-Just kidding.
74
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Some like it hard, some like it soft.
75
00:04:02,900 --> 00:04:04,040
What do you prefer?
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00:04:04,040 --> 00:04:04,920
-Welcome to Drowzy’s, sir!
77
00:04:04,920 --> 00:04:07,950
What can I help you find on this lovely evening?
78
00:04:07,950 --> 00:04:10,249
Well I’m looking for a mattress,
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00:04:10,249 --> 00:04:12,870
but my, uh, significant other
80
00:04:12,870 --> 00:04:16,359
half person isn’t here yet.
81
00:04:16,359 --> 00:04:18,799
So maybe we should wait for...
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00:04:18,799 --> 00:04:20,500
them to get here first.
83
00:04:20,500 --> 00:04:21,260
-Them?
84
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Um.
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00:04:22,019 --> 00:04:23,389
-You player!
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Let’s get you started on our smart bed.
87
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What’s so smart about it?
88
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-It’s high tech and user-friendly!
89
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It analyzes your bed habits
90
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and chooses the best mattress for you and
your life style.
91
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Life style?
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Push the button.
93
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(giggle) Good morning!
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I’m here to help you find a mattress that’s
juuust right.
95
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Let’s get started.
96
00:04:57,170 --> 00:05:04,170
Are you a male, female, or other?
97
00:05:11,200 --> 00:05:12,910
You are a male.
98
00:05:12,910 --> 00:05:14,910
Do you have a sleeping partner?
99
00:05:22,410 --> 00:05:25,140
Your default sleeping partner is a female.
100
00:05:26,140 --> 00:05:28,140
Smart Bed: Is this correct?
101
00:05:34,150 --> 00:05:37,180
Woman: Excuse me, do you have water proof
mattress pads?
102
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-Of course, for the little one’s bed?
103
00:05:40,200 --> 00:05:40,980
No.
104
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We’re gonna need queen-sized.
105
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-Through there, and against the wall.
106
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Thank you.
107
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YOU ARE A MALE CUSTOMER WITH A MALE SLEEPING
PARTNER!
108
00:06:15,700 --> 00:06:18,130
Awesome! What’s his name?
109
00:06:18,130 --> 00:06:20,740
Who?
110
00:06:20,740 --> 00:06:22,740
Your sleeping partner- what’s his name?
111
00:06:22,741 --> 00:06:24,000
Uh Corey.
112
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Corny?
113
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COREY!
114
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Ladies and gentleman, his sleeping partner’s name is Corey!
115
00:06:35,260 --> 00:06:37,260
Have we got news for you!
116
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Congratulations, Miss Thing!
117
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You’re the first ho-mo-sexual customer at
this franchise!
118
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You will receive 25% off your purchase
119
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when you complete your smart bed evaluation
120
00:06:50,410 --> 00:06:54,160
and submit the e-mail addresses of all your
121
00:06:54,160 --> 00:07:00,470
gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgendered, questioning
and sexually ambiguous friends.
122
00:07:00,470 --> 00:07:02,540
Wow! Great deal.
123
00:07:02,540 --> 00:07:03,550
-Hey, Bro-
124
00:07:03,550 --> 00:07:07,750
What’s your body type as listed on your
Manhunt profile?
125
00:07:07,750 --> 00:07:08,500
What’s Manhunt?
126
00:07:09,500 --> 00:07:11,250
-Oh, please.
127
00:07:13,250 --> 00:07:19,240
Muscle queen, twink, troll, bear, cub, or
otter?
128
00:07:19,240 --> 00:07:21,690
What’s up with all the animals?
129
00:07:21,690 --> 00:07:22,770
-I know, right?
130
00:07:22,770 --> 00:07:25,930
The gay culture finds affinity with various
archetypes-
131
00:07:25,930 --> 00:07:27,180
most are woodland creatures.
132
00:07:27,180 --> 00:07:30,180
- Oh, yeah, I heard that on NPR.
133
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They’re so spiritual!
134
00:07:35,290 --> 00:07:37,590
Woof!
135
00:07:37,590 --> 00:07:41,940
- When you practice S&M are you dominant or
submissive?
136
00:07:43,940 --> 00:07:45,110
Where is the “not applicable” button?
137
00:07:45,300 --> 00:07:46,910
Sorry there’s only two options.
138
00:07:51,910 --> 00:07:55,910
You, are submissive and proud!
139
00:07:55,910 --> 00:07:56,910
I could totally tell.
140
00:07:56,911 --> 00:07:58,330
Wait, that’s not what I pushed!
141
00:07:58,330 --> 00:07:59,900
The smart bed is very intuitive.
142
00:08:00,940 --> 00:08:02,460
I had him pegged for a power-bottom.
143
00:08:02,460 --> 00:08:04,000
Totally.
144
00:08:04,000 --> 00:08:07,050
- Please assume spooning position with your
sleeping partner.
145
00:08:07,050 --> 00:08:09,240
But he’s not here yet.
146
00:08:09,240 --> 00:08:12,420
Am I about the right size?
147
00:08:12,420 --> 00:08:14,090
Not at all!
148
00:08:14,090 --> 00:08:17,990
I mean, I don’t need a complete sleep analysis.
149
00:08:17,990 --> 00:08:24,120
I just came here to buy a comfortable, affordable,
normal bed.
150
00:08:24,120 --> 00:08:26,170
Like this one. How much is this guy?
151
00:08:26,170 --> 00:08:29,180
Well, we can make it more affordable with…
152
00:08:29,180 --> 00:08:34,740
- A fifty percent discount when you complete
your smart bed evaluation.
153
00:08:34,740 --> 00:08:36,459
Is he your boyfriend’s size?
154
00:08:36,459 --> 00:08:37,589
No.
155
00:08:39,589 --> 00:08:41,460
Sorry, about that?
156
00:08:43,460 --> 00:08:45,460
What about me?
157
00:09:02,910 --> 00:09:11,910
(shakers, Latin Music)
158
00:09:20,910 --> 00:09:22,910
Would you like a mint?
159
00:09:23,640 --> 00:09:25,640
- No. I’m good.
160
00:09:27,640 --> 00:09:28,300
Um.
161
00:09:32,300 --> 00:09:34,300
So good.
162
00:09:53,630 --> 00:09:55,630
Smartbed: Please mount smart bed.
163
00:10:18,460 --> 00:10:20,740
What the hell are you doing?
164
00:10:21,740 --> 00:10:23,180
-That’s my real sleeping partner!
165
00:10:23,180 --> 00:10:26,940
Corey!! (applause)
166
00:10:30,940 --> 00:10:32,960
Resume spooning position.
167
00:10:32,960 --> 00:10:36,460
Let’s just do this please.
168
00:10:36,960 --> 00:10:39,460
(Sexy music)
169
00:10:42,460 --> 00:10:44,460
What is going on?
170
00:10:44,660 --> 00:10:47,660
- Don’t ask questions. Just lay down.
171
00:11:07,960 --> 00:11:11,010
Aw!
172
00:11:01,210 --> 00:11:05,260
(strumming ukulele)
173
00:11:08,260 --> 00:11:11,260
De colores, de colores
174
00:11:11,260 --> 00:11:15,850
Se visten los campos en la primavera.
175
00:11:16,850 --> 00:11:18,800
Y por eso los grandes amores
176
00:11:18,800 --> 00:11:21,490
De muchos colores me gustan a mí.
177
00:11:24,490 --> 00:11:31,700
De Cervantes, Miguel de Cervantes escribe
en muchos libros.
178
00:11:31,700 --> 00:11:34,080
Muchos libros.
179
00:11:34,080 --> 00:11:42,220
Hay muchos libros in la biblioteca.
180
00:11:42,220 --> 00:11:44,290
En la playa…
181
00:11:44,290 --> 00:11:44,980
Hola!
182
00:11:44,980 --> 00:11:49,340
Señorita would you like to pay your respects?
183
00:11:49,340 --> 00:11:50,170
No?
184
00:11:50,170 --> 00:11:52,660
Well that’s cold.
185
00:11:52,660 --> 00:11:55,050
Alright, chilly con carne.
186
00:11:55,050 --> 00:11:57,050
Vaya con dios!
187
00:11:58,050 --> 00:12:01,050
En la playa.
188
00:12:01,050 --> 00:12:05,870
En la playa yo bebo una botella de cerveza.
189
00:12:05,870 --> 00:12:12,220
Cerveza y poco gazpacho, estoy muy borracho
me gustan a mí.
190
00:12:15,220 --> 00:12:17,070
Margulies.
191
00:12:17,070 --> 00:12:22,089
Juliana Margulies esta en la “Buena Esposa.”
192
00:12:25,089 --> 00:12:32,089
James Olmos, Eduardo James Olmos el capitan
de Galactica.
193
00:12:32,810 --> 00:12:43,810
Del Toro, Benicio Del Toro es muy sexy y muy
guapo.
194
00:12:44,160 --> 00:12:48,160
Benicio Del Toro yo creo muy guapo me gusta
a mí,
195
00:12:49,720 --> 00:12:54,720
Benicio Del Toro yo creo muy guapo me gusta
a mí,
196
00:12:55,690 --> 00:13:03,690
Benicio Del Toro yo creo muy guapo me gusta
a mííííííí!
197
00:13:04,690 --> 00:13:06,690
Ayayaya!12617
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