All language subtitles for The.Conners.S07E01.Its.Gonna.Be.a.Great.Day.720p.AMZN.WEB-DL.DDP5.1.H.264-FLUX.Hi

Best funeral ever.

Are you going to
random funerals again?

No. It wasn't random.

My boss passed away, and
they gave me her job.

So now I'm off the cafeteria
line, work ends at three,

and I'll get more
time at home with Ben.

Mmm. When's he
getting back anyway?

Uh, tomorrow.

And it sucks 'cause I'm
wearing my date night clothes

and I would love to go
celebrate with him, but...

Hey. Uh, I just got a promotion.

How about going out for
a celebratory milkshake?

Sounds neat.

Why don't Jughead and I just ride our
bikes down to the malt shop and meet you?

I can't. I have to go to work.

At eight o'clock at night? This must
be a really intense job you got.

Uh, yeah.

Well, you know, you don't get to
write code for a Fortune 500 company

unless you're, you
know, pretty dedicated.

Hey, Da... Dan! Get in here. The whole
family's gotta be here to hear this.

Okay, so. Um, I was bored
outta my skull today.

And I took a bunch of brownies

down to the police station
just to say hi to the guys.

Oh, Jackie, you don't need to give
people treats to be your friend.

Use cash. Give yourself
a fighting chance.

Anyway, sarge's brother just
got out of rehab for opioids

and he mentioned the court ruling where
you can sue the drug manufacturers now.

Course, he's still in trouble because
he drove through a fried chicken joint

and they don't have
a drive-through.

The point is, we can
sue for Roseanne now.

Dan, isn't that amazing news?

Oh, my God. Wait, if we win, we
could finally have a safety net.

This family has always been one
financial tragedy away from disaster.

We could be like a
two-tragedy family.

We won't. [sighs]

We'll lose because they've
got big, fancy lawyers.

All we can afford is the guy
who got me a hundred bucks

because I found a Band-Aid
in a bag of chips.

Did you even look
for the finger?

We could all be driving
Toyotas right now.

I can get us a Toyota, baby.

Oh, don't you dare
kiss for a Toyota.

Anyway, it doesn't matter
how much we can afford.

Lawyers on these cases,
they'll work for contingencies.

It's not worth all the hassle.

And no amount of money is gonna
bring your sister back or your mom.

I don't even know why the
hell we're talking about this.

[groans] Guys, your dad does not
wanna do this. I wouldn't push him.

Well, sometimes you have to!

He didn't wanna watch Bridgerton
either. But I pushed him.

And now he sits on the
couch with me and Neville

and he sleeps right
in front of it.

I made that happen.

Thanks for coming over to
explain this stuff to me.

I saw all these fees
in my checking account

and I feel like I'm
getting ripped off.

You probably don't have enough in
there to cover the maintenance cost.

I had that same problem
before I married well.

[laughs]

Oh! Holy, cats. You've
got plenty of money.

Darlene, your kid's loaded.

And I'm not talking about the kinda loaded
you and I were when we were his age.

Wow. Don't ever quit that job.

I've never seen anyone make
that kind of money at 19.

Well, uh, my brain's not fried from
being a child alcoholic like you two.

Um, he's an entry-level guy with no
degree making that kind of money?

Ah, you know, he's
in computer world.

Algorithms. Zuckerberg.
Bitcoin. AI.

You're just stringing together
words that you don't understand.

Humiliated. Ashamed. Don't care.

- Hey. [chuckles]
- Hey.

- Oh, my God.
- [Ben sighs]

The dog on your face ran off.

[chuckles] Yes,
it's true. I shaved.

You look like a giant toddler.

- [sighs]
- Hey, I think he looks amazing.

- Oh, I missed you so much.
- I missed you.

Okay, I gotta get... I'm
gonna get out of here.

It's a very intimate moment

when a mother and child
are reunited. [laughs]

[laughs]

Hey, while you were moving the magazine
to Lanford, I made you a little office.

Hey, that's really sweet, okay.

But I actually ended up renting a
little storefront next to Starbucks.

What? Wa... I thought you
were gonna work from home.

I was. But when I was at the offices
in Omaha, it felt productive, you know?

It felt like a real career. Like, uh,
it just made me feel good about myself.

Well, I can make you
feel good about yourself.

- Look at you, boss guy, doing your thang.
- [laughs]

Yes, that filled
my tank right up.

Look, honey. You know, it's gonna
be a few months of 14, 15-hour days

while we're getting this
thing up and running.

But after that, we're going to
have plenty of time together.

And I'm sorry, babe, but I gotta go to the
storefront, start getting my space ready.

Aw. I just used Groupon to get
my space ready, but... [grunts]

- I guess it can wait until you get back.
- [gasps]

I heard a guy talking.
Is Tyler here?

Mmm, no. It was Ben.

[sighs] Thank God.

Last night he made me a
whole "Tour of Italy" dinner.

I was so full of Rome, I didn't
have any room left for Sicily.

So tonight I have to do a
whole France thing for him.

You guys are really going crazy with all
that lovey-dovey crap since he moved in.

Don't you have to
work on your thesis?

Yes. But I don't know how to reciprocate
all the nice things he does for me

and finish my master's
at the same time.

I guess that's why academics are
lonely and people in love are stupid.

Well, I'm sure he'd understand if you
just needed some time for schoolwork.

No. We're still in that
romantic bubble phase.

And I'm not gonna be the
first one to pop that.

Where is Ben?

Oh, well, he rented a storefront for the
magazine and he left to go set it up.

Wow. So he just got back from
Omaha and he's already gone?

I think you're the one who needs
to make a romantic gesture.

Well, he's been home for five minutes,
and I'm already in gesture territory?

I mean, I thought him getting home
and seeing me would be enough.

As someone who sees you,
I can tell you it's not.

You need to make an effort.

Maybe brush your hair or
try women's underwear.

I... I get whatever they
have at the supermarket.

Your complaint is with them.

- Hey, honey?
- Yeah?

You haven't said anything about
this whole Roseanne lawsuit thing.

I know you have an opinion.

Yes. My opinion is you
don't wanna talk about it.

You're right, absolutely right.
I don't wanna talk about it.

And here's why.

To be able to continue
my life after she died,

I had to find a way to
put all that pain in a box

and then put it away
in the back of my head.

First, I tried imagining that she
was still alive but somewhere else.

Mmm. You mean like
alive in heaven?

No. Just some place
where I'd never see her,

but I could pretend
she was still there.

Like North Dakota.

Mmm. That is so sad.

That didn't work, so I went back out to
the grave and just stared at her name.

I stared until it
finally sunk into me

that she was under all that
earth and she wasn't coming back.

And I grieved.

And that became my whole
life until I met you. Again.

Took you long enough
to get around to that.

[laughs]

Look, I know everybody wants me to sue
because there's a possibility of money.

But what happens if I dig all this stuff
up and... [imitates bomb] ...nothing.

Dan, you have moved
mountains for this family.

You have a right not
to move this one.

[groans] Maybe I didn't
explain myself well.

Yes, I don't wanna do
it, but I feel guilty.

So what I need you to do is let me rant
and rave about it and then make me do it.

So you want this to be my
decision? Uh-uh. No way.

Oh, damn it, woman.
You're my wife.

Your sole purpose is to make
me do things I don't wanna do.

Yes, and I have. And I enjoy it.

Look, honey, uh, this is
between you and your family

and what you feel
you can handle.

I love you, but I cannot
make this decision for you.

- [grunts]
- [Becky] Dad, are you here?

You said you changed the
locks for my birthday.

Oh, honey, changing the
locks isn't going to help.

They're in the
walls like roaches.

[in low voice] You rang?

[sighs] Do you mind if I sit out
here and work on my homework?

I can't get anything
done at my place.

What's the problem? People
dropping in unannounced?

No. I've gotta finish my thesis
or I'm not gonna get my master's.

I have worked so long and I
am so close to graduating,

but Tyler just moved in and he's
trying so hard to make me happy

that I have to try at least that
hard back, and it's killing me.

So tell him to ease up.

He's too sensitive.

Look, a new relationship
is like a new car.

The first dent is always gonna
feel horrible and then you relax

because the tension of getting
that fist dent is over.

Now, go home.

Oh. No, please don't make me
go back there and be loved.

I wasn't raised that way.

Go.

Fine. I'll be honest with him.

Another thing I
wasn't raised with.

Oh, hey. Hey. Hi.

Don't know if you remember
me, Jackie Harris.

I, uh, stopped by the station
the other day with the brownies.

Okay.

So, I don't know if you know
this, but I used to be a cop.

Anyway, I haven't said
anything to the family yet,

but it had gotten
me to thinking.

Wouldn't it be crazy if
I rejoined the force?

That'd be pretty
crazy and very funny.

Yeah, but why crazy?

I mean, the force is re-hiring former cops
'cause of the shortage and all, you know?

And I read the policy.
There's no age limit.

You don't need policy to tell old people
they shouldn't go on the big water slide.

Really? You know, I'm in better
shape now than I've ever been.

I can take you right
now. You wanna go, huh?

You wanna go right now?
Come on. Let's go. Let's go.

[clears throat]

God. See? Whoa. I
let myself get weak.

[chuckles] That's another
reason for me to do this.

Look, you wanna be
a cop, be a cop.

They're always looking
for people for desk jobs.

No. No, no, no. I wanna
be out in the field.

You mean wandering around in it?

'Cause you're so old you've
forgotten where you are?

You know, your ageism is
gonna be my inspiration.

The department
needs fresh blood.

Unless you're getting a transfusion,
you're gonna have trouble providing that.

When I pass this physical,

I'm gonna ask to be partnered with
you, and I'm gonna talk. A lot.

Old people talk. I'm gonna
talk about the weather.

I'm gonna talk about the
weather in other states.

I'm gonna read every
sign that we pass.

It's gonna be like Lethal
Weapon, but boring. Chill. God...

[grunts] Excuse me.

- I'm looking for my husband, Ben Olinsky.
- [Ben] Hey.

Tall, big, broad shoulders. Squeals like
a little girl when he sees a hummingbird.

[chuckles] Hey, just so you know, people
in olden times thought they were fairies,

and it's sad that you can't
see the magic in that.

- Oh, what a nice surprise.
- Mmm.

Well, I knew you would be busy, but
I thought it would be a nice gesture

if I brought you a little treat.

Oh, my gosh. Everybody,
look what my wife brought.

Is she the best or what?

Somebody grab some paper plates.
Everybody dig in. Awesome.

Oh, okay. Um, I'm not sure I
brought enough for all these people.

Oh, you took my vegan lo
mein. Okay. Great. Enjoy.

Well, listen. You grab
something for yourself,

pull up a chair, you
can watch us work.

Uh, well. You know,
with everybody eating,

this might be a nice time for us to
sit on the blanket, have glass of wine.

Oh, sure. I got a second. Yeah.

- All right. Okay.
- [clears throat]

Excuse me. Where are your nuts?

This has been happening all day.

I'm so sorry. I know that the sign
on the window says "Hardware."

That's because we're a magazine about
hardware. We're not a hardware store.

Sorry. What were you saying?

[groans]

It seems like you got
a lot going on here.

Can you knock off a little early
maybe and just meet me at The Lobo?

Maybe we can make out in the bathroom? I
heard they, uh, put a lock on the stall.

Oh. Well, you know, as much as
I would love to go and make out

in what may be the
filthiest place on Earth,

I just can't. Sorry.

Uh, it's okay. I understand.
Maybe I'll just, uh, go by myself.

Yeah. Okay.

[grunts, sighs] Darlene, wait.

Yeah.

[sighs]

If you're going to the bar, you're
not gonna need this. Have fun, baby.

Picking up comfort food for Dan.

This lawsuit thing has
him turned inside out.

Thought some nachos might
make him feel better. [sighs]

I hope those work better for him
than this beer is working for me.

All right. Let's get
to the heart of that.

Okay, fine.

Uh, Ben is working around
the clock at the new office,

and I can't bear to sit in that living
room for another night without him.

Mmm. What about Becky and Tyler?

Blech.

It's like watching a foreign romance
film but with regular-looking people.

Oh, thank you.

Look. You know, hanging out
here is a temporary solution.

What are you gonna
do tomorrow night?

Smell Ben's shirt, cry
a little, come back here

and, uh, oh, I'm playing
Team Darts by myself.

Look, I have been the
Ben in this situation.

I have gone on tour and
left loved ones for months.

If Dan had come to a bar every night when
I was on the road, he'd be an alcoholic.

I, uh, hate to break
this to you, Louise,

but he kinda is an alcoholic,
he just does it at home.

Um. Don't you have any
friends you can hang out with?

No.

[sighs]

All right. Just hang in there.

Things change, and his work
will... will definitely calm down.

Yeah, I appreciate
the effort. [grunts]

Uh... Dan likes to wash down
his nachos with hot peanuts.

Ooh. I'm really sorry, Louise.

It's okay. I know
what I signed up for.

Hey. Perfect timing. I made you
a quiche from scratch. Sit down.

You made a quiche?

How long did that take?

It took a couple hours.

About half as much time as it took to
make those Tuscan raviolis by hand.

Great. We can eat quiche
and have a little talk.

Uh, I didn't bake it long enough.
You know what? I rushed it.

You wait here. I'll
make a new one.

No, no. Please,
you don't have to.

No, I do. I-I-I do. I
have to get this right.

I... [sighs] ...I love you,

and my love is not runny.

It's firm with a flaky crust.

It's okay.

It's not okay. Look... [grunts]

...you let me move in here.

I want it to be the best
decision you ever made.

But... [grunts] ...I
can't do this anymore.

I mean, showing you how much
I love you is ruining my life.

Okay. I-It's been
working great for me.

But if this is all too much for you, then
maybe, and I'm just spitballing here,

um, we can cut back on
the romantic gestures.

Unbelievable. You know what?

How can I show you how
much that means to me?

Do... Do you like paella?

No. No. Stop it, you're
doing it again, okay?

- We are gonna take it easy, okay?
- Okay.

And we're gonna jump to the part
where I get to work on my thesis

and you get to read all
those Goosebumps books

that you hide from me
in your flight bag.

They're just the
right amount of scary.

[clears throat] Oh, hi.

I didn't know you'd
be here, but I'm glad

because I need to talk
to you about something

before I talk to Dan.

I know how you're
making all that money.

Uh, y-yeah, my big
Fortune 500 computer job.

No, you're not working for
some Fortune 500 company.

You're part of an illegal
hacking operation.

[sighs] How'd you find out?

Somebody with real detective skills
is able to put together pieces

that look random
to other people.

Plus, I rifled through your backpack and
I found a note from one of your buddies

that said, um, "You're...
You're the best hacker ever."

So what are you gonna do?

Well, this puts me in a very
difficult position, Mark.

I haven't told anybody this yet, but
I'm trying out to rejoin the Lanford PD.

You? Now?

[laughs] Why does
everybody keep...

You wanna go now? You wanna go?

I'm two feet taller than you.

I could put my hand on your head and
hold you away while you swing wildly.

Look, just don't tell my mom.

Well, if you stop now, I won't.

But your mom is the least of your
problems 'cause you're gonna get caught.

I haven't so far,
and I'm not stopping

until I have enough to
pay for college myself.

Yeah. You think it's okay because
the money's for a good cause.

That's how you get hooked.

First it's college, then you're gonna
wanna give your kids a good life,

maybe adopt a foster kid
who needs a new heart.

When does it stop, Mark?

I think it stops right now.

Well, you're not answering
my texts, so we have to talk.

Jackie, you're a two-beer
relative and I've only had one.

[sighs] We have to sue, Dan.

I sent you the
names of the lawyers

and links to stories of
people who have done this.

What's the hold up?

I already told you it's
not gonna be worth it.

Oh, so my sister
is not worth it?

You know what I mean. And
it's not for her, she's gone.

Uh-huh. Out of
sight out of mind.

Just another casualty.
Nothing we can do.

Where's the Dan I know? Where's the guy
who would never walk away from a fight?

I never walked away from a fight
I knew I had a chance of winning.

I'm not stupid enough to get the
hell beat out of me for nothing.

Look, a sister doesn't carry
the weight that a spouse does,

but you're not
giving me any choice.

So I guess I gotta do it, because I'm not
gonna let these bastards get away with it.

Do what you gonna do.

Okay. So you're gonna let your overly
emotional, sometimes irrational,

possibly borderline
personality sister-in-law

go to war with a
big opioid company?

You'll have the
element of surprise.

No. You know what I have? I have
the guts to do something you won't.

If you don't hear from me, it's because
I don't know who you are anymore, Dan.

Mind if I join you?

Becky's working on her thesis, and I
just finished my last Goosebumps book.

Oh, sure. It'd be nice
to have a little company.

Yeah?

Oh. This is Becky's
favorite show.

I mean, it just cracks her up.

When she laughs, oh, man,

her eyes just light up like the
Eiffel Tower during the Olympics.

Okay, you can leave
now. Alone is better.